And November is a wrap!

You talk about a wild day!

Friday I went to bed and my lower back was a little sore. I was woken up by Squirrel going off to do that crazy ass Black Friday shopping at 5am. She came back at around 10am and I noticed my back was even more sore. Hmmm wtf is going on here?

Then about 20 minutes later my phone rings...its a 404 number. Atlanta. Hmmm??? Could it be? Come on baby...come on...be Delta calling. Please be Delta calling! It WAS! Some guy in Atlanta calling to tell me that my carry on bag had been located! No frigging way!?? I was so happy! He gave me the details of when it would be arriving. Great! Wow! Now I was just hoping that even HALF of my stuff was still in there.

Then all of a sudden, the pain in my back started getting worse. And worse. Cheryl suggested I go to one of the Urgent Care offices near us. I hate going to the doctor. So I kind of put it off. But then 30 minutes later, the pain was becoming unbearable. Finally, I agreed to drive up to Urgent Care. That became a huge struggle. Oh my God...what the hell was wrong with me? I get there...and they give me a bunch of papers to fill out. I couldn't do it. There was no comfortable position to put my body in. This lady comes out and asks me these questions and determines that I am in the midst of passing a kidney stone. Just then I find myself having to vomit. I am breaking out in a sweat.

They tell me I have to go to the emergency room. Fuck! I call Squirrel...and ask her to come take me. The 15 minutes I waited for her in my car was the longest 15 minutes ever. It was getting harder and harder to even breathe. Holy shit! She finally arrived...and got in my car and drove me, like a bat out of hell...to the hospital. Running red lights, passing people on the shoulder...wow! What a great wife! Then we pull in and they are trying to tell me its going to be awhile, that there are 6 people waiting. I stick my head in the waiting room, there are two little trailer park skanks sitting there...both bare-footed, one playing with her toes...jeezuz, that almost made me hurl again. I couldn't go in there. Finally, a doctor walked in and saw what bad shape I was in and got me in right away.

But then I just laid in this room...with Squirrel...waiting, and waiting...oh my GOD! The pain kept getting worse and worse. Nurses would come and go...but none would give me anything for the pain. I really thought I was going to die. Then, finally they take me into radiology. Slide me into this tube and start doing x-rays. Then he tells me he is 'going to pump me full of iodine/dye to be able to read my kidney functions....that it may cause my pain to slightly increase.' Yeah. SLIGHTLY? Holy shit. Never have I felt worse pain. The pain was so bad that my breathing became affected...then when I couldn't breath anymore...I just started throwing up. It was the scariest damn thing I've ever experienced. Finally...a nurse came in and gave me an IV of some combination of pain killers that left me feeling heavenly. Oh thank God! We returned to the waiting room.

I just laid there...happy to be alive. Happy to be out of pain. The doctor came in and informed me that they had found a 4mm stone in me...that it had fallen into my bladder. Good? Bad? Not sure. He prescribed me some med's...which I would go and get after we left the hospital. I have been drinking lots of water, taking my meds...and just wondering if this pain will return. Man, I hope not. Not positive but I think I might have passed a stone.

Well, once that was done I went to the airport and got my bag. Luckily I got a counter person that didn't seem to hate me based on the fact that I was white. Lucky me. And when I opened up my bag I was shocked to find that EVERYTHING was still in there. Wow! I never felt SO happy, so relieved! Then I just wanted to go home and lay down and relax!

Squirrel took off Saturday morning to go spend 5 days with her nephews in Orlando at Disney World. I have had the house to myself all weekend, to just lay around and watch football, get back on top of my football pools, my fantasy teams, my backer/spreadsheet situation...and play some online poker. I don't know what it is about Pokerstars and the weekends. It just strikes me that if a player sucks ass, they are bound to put the ridiculous beat on you about 85% of the time when you are ahead. I played all day today and the only thing I cashed was the $1,000,000 Turbo Takedown....for only about $150. Yippee.

In my Confidence Pool, I did manage to lock up 1st place for the week (out of 77 players) for the 2nd time this season...and take over 1st place in the race for the all-around...which will pay close to $1500. Winning a week is good for $300...so with two wins this year...this pool is a total freeroll.  Looks like my 10-1 Fantasy team, in the big-money league is going to lose to a 3-8 team. Kurt Warner not playing at the last minute ended up being the blow that killed me. Bummer. My College Bowl pool starts in just a week...anyone reading this interested in the link...just let me know.

Got a record number of hits this month...over 6,000!!! Didn't see that coming. I guess winning a few tourneys mixed with some personal craziness will do that for your hits! Thanks to everyone for reading my blog! Means a lot to me that you take the time! Did anyone read Kai's latest entry!?? Pretty funny shit! I would check it out. He was pretty rough on Venetian. Can't say they didn't at least KIND OF deserve it!

I am going to try to find myself a ticket to tomorrow night's game in the Superdome between the Saints and the Patriots. That should be a helluva game. Who's gonna win? Boy...I have no real feel for it. Saints have to lose eventually I think...and the Patriots are a good candidate...but who knows? Maybe the Saints will just run the table.

I spent about two hours researching cool, exotic places to take Squirrel for vacation. Places that don't involve poker. Was checking out Venice, Milan and Rome. That would be pretty cool. Thought I'm not sure she is into the history and the architecture of Italy as much as I am. Checked out Tahiti. Looks beautiful. I'm just kind of 'over' all the banana republic-type vacation spots. I'd like to go to a place that has some history, some great food, some culture. But I definitely owe her a great vacation SOMEwhere. I just wish my AA hadn't been cracked by KK...and I had gone deeper in that Main Event...to come home and be able to pay off EVERYTHING I owe...and have about 50k in savings...and be able to just snap off a trip somewhere and not care about the price would have been so kickass. But why would I want to get off the bubble of being a struggling, grinding, professional poker player? Its just TOO much fun, right?

Well, I hope you all have fun paying your bills this week and getting started on your Christmas shopping. I guess I have a week to cool my heels, maybe go to the gym some...then head over to New Orleans, where I am excited for the Bayou Winter Classic, or whatever they are calling it this time. I really want to finish up the year on a good note...and with a Final Table or two. Hope to see you all over there!!!!

MONKEY

From the Mountaintop...to 6 feet under.

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. Or more. It's Thursday. Thanksgiving. I just pulled myself out of bed and finally unpacked my bags from Vegas. Well, the ones that weren't stolen from right out under my nose. I am sitting here on the couch, still fighting off the flu/cold (hopefully not Swine Flu) that I caught and have been battling the last 5 days. A football game that I don't care about just ended, and another one I don't care about just started. There is no Turkey dinner to dine on. My wife has to go to work, to serve drinks to ungrateful assholes. Last night she had to deal with a casino packed full of Asians...with their 'hot wha-tah with leh-mon' and subsequent lack of tip. There was some kind of concert featuring an Oriental flair...that and they don't celebrate Thanksgiving. Tonight she gets to work nickel slots. So she should be in a stellar mood when she gets home. I don't have any idea how she does that job. I would KILL someone.

I don't even know where to begin. It's safe to say I am mired in a pool of depression so deep I am not sure how I will get out of it. I think the only thing I have is the hope that a miracle phone call comes telling me my bag was mistakenly taken from the plane and has been returned. Lets review:

I always check in two bags...that contain just my clothes. Then I carry on one of those smallish sized suitcases...that contains my laptop...which has more important information than you can even imagine. The most important being my Ledger/Spreadsheet between my backer and I. Also on there is my mailing list...for running my pools. The pool payment spreadsheet for all my pools. All my letters, documents, pictures...just a lot of stuff. And yes! My computer just fell apart the other night...and I did order a new one...but the old one was required to transfer all of the info over to my new one. Also in my suitcase, my  favorite hats. My passport. My checkbook. All my various chargers. My prescription meds, my supplements. And finally, all of my poker 'stuff' including my crystal monkeys, my Final Table beads...and the famous Raising Monkey. Yeah...my trademark monkey. Gone!

When I fly, as I have stated on here many times...I always wait til the end to de-board the plane. I hate the hussle and bustle of people trying to force their way off the plane. So I patiently wait til the coast is clear. My carry on bag was right next to my seat, in clear site. When we first got to the gate, and everyone did the mad 'bolt out of their seat' move that they always do...I saw my bag up there. But I didn't feel any great need to snag it. It would be there when I got up. Right? Well...finally everyone was off...and I get up...and go to grab my bag...and the fucker is GONE! Holy shit! Okay...calm down. Just calm down. Sure someone just mistakenly grabbed it, right? I alert one of the flight attendants. We search all over for it. There wasn't a lone bag left on the plane...which might have indicated that someone grabbed the wrong bag. I was feeling 'theft' in the pit of my stomach. At the gate I tried to get the guy to get security involved. I mean...they have every passenger's name...and surveillance cameras. How hard could it be to find the culprit? I mean...as crimes go, wouldn't this one be a slam dunk to solve? And yet...I was getting no where. I decide to run  down to baggage claim. Thinking if the person discovered their mistake after going through the doors...they couldn't have gotten BACK to the gate. So I get down to the baggage office, with only 20 min's til my connecting flight leaves for Biloxi...and NOPE, nothing.

They advise me to go to the baggage counter in Gulfport when I get in, and place a missing bag claim with them. Oh great...we know how things go at that airport. That should be fun. And, of course...as always, it was. So I barely make my connecting flight. We arrive in Gulfport. I stand in line. And wait. Then wait some more. Working the line is some dumpy, fat little black girl. When its finally my turn in line, I tell her my issue. She informs me that someone else handles that and to wait to the side. Wonderful. This person finally arrives. I give him my story. He asks me to fill out a statement. Then he runs off to tend to someone else's disaster. I finish filling out the statement. Squirrel is out circling the airport. She is about to be late for work. I really need to go. I ask the girl, "Is that guy going to back soon, I really need to get out of here." "Hold on please, until I am done helping this passenger." Growing irritated, I agree to wait. She finishes helping that guy. Then calls on the next. My blood is starting to boil. I wait til she is done with THAT one. Then she calls YET another. Now I snap. "Okay lady, you told me to wait til you finish with the first guy...but now its been two more. All I want to know is when this guy is coming back. My wife is about to be late for work, I have to get out of here. If you could at least make me a copy of this statement, I will leave and contact him later." She tells me they don't have a copier. Really? How do you not have a copier. "We don't." So I ask her again if she has a radio that she can call this guy. She doesn't respond. Now I ask her name...because I completely intend to make this bitch's life hell. Know what she does? She tucks her ID tag into her shirt pocket. And fires a look of indignation at me. Oh my God...I want to kill this bitch.

Then she starts with the 'over the top' customer service for every other customer. Suddenly she is smiling and acting as helpful as possible. They call this over-compensation. No one is fooled. Mainly because everyone in line is a bunch of white army soldiers who have been listening to the whole exchange and are smart enough to know that she is being a complete bitch.

Well, the other guy finally returns. I explain to him that she would in know way try to contact him, that she told me they didn't have a copier. Oh really? No copier? "We have a copier sir...let me go make you a copy of your statement." And he did. Now I was about to explode. I walk over to her and say "No copier huh? Did you notice your co-worker just went and made me a copy? How did that happen? Is there a secret copier they decided not to let you know about lady?" I hope you like working at McDonalds!

I don't know what the fuck the deal is with this piece of shit airport. Every damn time I fly in here its something! Ruined luggage. No luggage. Asshole front desk people. Assholes at the gate. Retards running the security checkpoints. Did I ever tell you guys the story about arriving for my flight 2 hrs early one morning...then falling asleep waiting on the flight...RIGHT in front of the gate agents...litereally 6 feet from the gate...and them NOT waking me up...and when I did wake up...the plane was still there, but they had closed the gate...and wouldn't let me board the flight? That one almost got me a free ride in a police car. I HATE THIS DAMN AIRPORT! Frankly, I hate domestic air travel. Please God, quit cracking my freaking ACES at crunch time...so I can get on the road to a few million and a lease on my own personal jet.

So. The Main Event. Day Two. If you are on my Facebook, you pretty much know what went down. If not...well....here ya go.

I started out the day giving you guys a pretty in-depth rundown on who had what. I pretty much played the same style in day 2 as I did in day 1. Only, instead of getting AA over and over I was getting QQ a lot, four times. Which was scaring the hell out of me...considering I go out of every main event with QQ. On one, the french guy who would serve me my eventual bad beat to end my tourney, raised behind me in early position...and I re-raised him with QQ. He called. The flop came A-10-Q with two hearts. Not the worst flop. But certainly not one that was asking to be slowplayed either. I fired out about 3/4 of the pot and took it down. I started the day with 100k and would hover between 70k and 120k most of the day.

We dropped from 82 down to 40 relatively quick. You know,  I really saw what a good structure could do for your tournament life in this one. A lot of players who don't play a lot of tourneys fell victim to the syndrome of worrying about their stacks compared to the relative stack size at their table. At the table behind us...Brandon Cantu, Jason Koon and Justin Young were making gigantic stacks...and had their table panicking. On  a regular basis they were making pots over 200k. Out table was rarely seeing pots over 20k. I would get as low as 50k. But the blinds were 2k/4k so I knew I had no reason to panic. In three levels I only had one chance to raise...and did, UTG with AQ. But then, on the button Nick Ceci re-raises all in, and it was all but 20k of my chips to call. I felt in my gut that he had either JJ or AK...both of which I didn't want to risk all my chips against. I told him this and folded. He showed me AK. Thanks Nick! One thing I had going for me at this table was a LOT of respect. That and this kid Mike next to me...a very good player, who final tabled one of the $1500 events at the WSOP this summer, him and I were both equally in tune to putting people on hands. On several occasions throughout the day I was calling hands dead on...and at least four times he did the same. Very talented kid.

Honestly, we had some very, very good players in the final 3 tables. We would be stuck on 30 for two freaking levels....3 hours. We had one guy at our table who took an eternity every time it was his turn. It was making me a basket case, until finally I made it a sport. Mike and I started betting over/under lines on how long it would be until he either folded or raised/called. I would set the line...and he would take over and/or under. Each time for a dollar. Three times it ended as a push. Pretty fucking tight line I was setting there huh!?? Those two levels were a little nerve-wracking...but still, not that bad. I just stayed really patient and hoped against some disaster like picking up KK or QQ and running into AA. Finally...on the bubble...I get JJ. I have 44k. Blinds are now 2k/4k. I am not going to raise to 12k then fold. So I just shove all in. ANd hold my breath. But before anyone can do anything, we hear..."Thats it! We're in the  money!" and see the guy on the next table making his exit. Everyone folds to me. I show the Jacks. We all breathe a semi sigh of relief. WOW! Finally...how many Main Events have I played without ever cashing? I don't even know. Let me try to think here....I'm going to ball park it and say 10. So yeah, its only $2500....but its just as big as far as I'm concerned, and the $148k for first place could go a long way in really changing me and Squirrel's life. And the respect from my fellow players would be great.

So we were down to 27 and it was time to re-draw for seats. I got Table 36, seat 4. Nice. I thought I liked my draw...until Jason Koon and his 900,000 chips plopped down to my left. Oh shit! But then a funny thing happened. He turned out to be pretty tight actually. Expected him to be ravaging the table but he just wasnt. Things would get exciting pretty fast. There was a guy to my right who had announced that 'he had had enough....and was ready to go.' What? You play for 14 hours on Day 1. Then another 12 hours on Day 2...finally make the money...have a shot at 148k...and NOW you're done? So when Justin Young raises with A7...yikes...and this guy goes all in with KQ for like 120k....Justin claims 'he cant fold' which I didn't really understand one bit....but calls anyway. He hits an ACE...and now the old weirdo is down to 22k. And Justin is back to having a bunch of chips. Well, the dude goes all in dark UTG....great, I look at A5...and fold. Guy on the button goes all in. And Justin again goes all in. What the hell is going on. Guy on the button has A6h. Justin has 77. And the psycho has Q8 off with his 'dark hand.'

The only thing that hit the board was a Queen. So freak-a-zoid triples up. Justin whacks the other guy...and actually wins more than he loses. On the very next hand...with me in the BB....bozo limps in...and I look down at 'ol reliable, K9! Suited! Sitting on only 52k with the blinds now at 5k/10k....I push all in. He SNAP CALLS! Uh oh...I'm scared. He turns over 37. Yep. THREE-SEVEN! Everyone at the table is like....WTF? He flops a 7...but I flop a 9! Okay...no 7, no 3...no 7, no 3....I hit a K on the river! Sweet! And now I have over 120k! Awesome. I pick up another pot with JJ. And a few minutes later we are down to 18. Time to re-draw again.

They announce that, despite wanting to play down to the Final 9, its just not going to happen. So we are only going to play one more level...which will take us to 2am. I get another nice draw....seat 5. Got Mike on my right, and Brandon Cantu on my left. Brandon lost a lot of chips but still has well over 200k...and is still playing super aggressively. He was playing his usual style. He was also in a pretty bad mood. Mixed with feelings of self loathing he was feeling like the poker gods were somehow dishing him a raw deal all day. I told him he was starting to sound a bit like Hellmuth, and to please stop! He smirked. Although BC and I havent spent much time at a table together, I think he must respect my game a bit...that or just didn't want to either go down to me or beat me...because on a couple of hands, he would insta-fold to me when I played back at him. On one, I limped into the blind against him with KJ suited... he is saying..."just save it Monkey...fold..." "Nope, can't fold this one..." as I limped in. So when he raised I just shipped all in...to which he flung his cards at the dealer.

Then on another hand...a big one...and a continuation of my success with 88 this week, I would raise on the button with 88. He calls. The BB folds. The flop comes Jc8c3h. He checks. I bet 14k into a pot of about 32k. He raises to 56k. Well, since I only had 120k LEFT...it didnt leave me much room to do anything but move in. I asked the dealer for the 'red frisbee' (the all in button) and when the dealer flung it at me BC flung in his cards. I showed him the set. And he just rolled his eyes. I was now on a major heater. I was REALLY starting to feel it. Things were breaking perfectly. And now we were down to only 2 minutes left in the night...and I was up over 200k now! Wow! Guess I would be changing my flight! And going to bed with a realistic dream of coming back the next day and playing for 148k.

Even though the cold/flu I had was kicking my ass...and I was tired...I was excited, and the adenaline rush was taking over. So many times during that 3 hour bubble ordeal...I would lower my head...and close my eyes...and re-focus...telling myself what was at stake. What a Final Table here would mean. Not to panic. Not to make a mistake I was going to regret later. Stay on course. Be smart. Make it happen. Take it down. The cards will come. Don't force things. Let it come to you. Be a short stack Ninja...like so many times in the past. Use that formula...it works, just don't worry about the huge stacks around the table. They will make mistakes, or take bad beats. Just protect what you have. Everything was going according to plan...and now, here I was...sitting with 200k, and table respect. A chance to go upstairs and sleep another 8 hours to battle this cold. Just one more hand to play and we are outa here!

Then I hear the words....'Raise' and see the French guy throw in a raise of 14k. Yeah I guess the blinds here must have still been 2k/4k. Because that was definitely what his raise was. I peel my cards and look at AA! Oh my God. No way. Again!?? Or finally? Since I hadn't seen them all day. Wow. What to bet here. Find the perfect price. Don't price this guy in and let him flop a set with a middle pair. No. No way. But let him hang himself if he has something like AK suited and thinks I am making a play. I raise it to 41k. It folds back to him. Everyone suddenly gets very interested in the hand. Back to him...he looks over at me...and waves his hands and says..."All in." Music to my ears...I think. I call. He turns over KK...sees my Aces and gets that look of disgust we are all familiar with. Then it happens.

The guy next to me says it. "I folded an Ace." Um...not sure WHY he said this...since I didn't exactly NEED an ace...but as soon as I heard those words, I just KNEW that a KING was going to hit. And BOOM, right on the flop...as you can see by looking at the photo above...there it was. And I was left praying for a miracle one outer that would never come. The turn was a diamond, givving me a flush draw...but it also paired the board..giving him a damn boat....leaving me with ONE LONELY OUT on the river. Not coming. Brandon gave me the sickest look. Three other players came over to console me and shake my hand. I just sat there, paralyzed with shock. I didn't say anything. The other players started bagging up their chips.

I finally went over to get paid out. But I was still reliving the hand. And after signing my name...I walked away...and plopped down at an empty table...in shock. Thinking of all that had been lost. Or what HADNT been gained. This terrible, terrible week...that had taken such a promising turn for the better in the last 4 hours....had just been....it was like a piano had been dropped on me. As I was sitting there Anthony Chester walked over and asked me if I wanted my prize money. I guess I had left it sitting on the counter. Wow. $7700 and I didnt even think about it. Couldn't have cared less. Then I almost forgot to tip. I was just off in a whole different world. I finally walked over and gave $200 to the floor and $400 to the dealers. Probably way too much. In fact I know it was. But whatever.

Later Kai and I were lobbying with Joe the late night shift manager to get our room discounted. The other day Tommy, one of the floor guys, came by and asked for my players card because Rich, the poker room manager, wanted it. For what? Something about my room. But when I checked out room balance, nothing had been done. So Kai and I thought presenting all of our close to 12k in tourney buy ins over the last 10 days might get us some consideration. Joe seemed to indicate it might. So we went to the front desk...settled up and checked out...and now we wait to see if an adjustment gets made to our bill, which is on my credit card. The Venetian isn't exactly the greatest at handing out freebies. I would hope that all the good P.R. I give them and the abundance of gratuities and rake they get from me would result in me getting some kind of relief from our rather robust final tally on our bill.

Kai and I had flights around the same time...so we just stayed up...got packed, and made our way for the airport. He got checked in. I returned the rental car...which I drove a total of about 25 miles in the 10 days I had it...and I got to my gate. Then the 2nd layer of hell began.

So here I sit. Depressed. Still sick. The Christmas decorations are up though, and they are pretty. We have a new hole in the garage ceiling, and the garage door is now completely effed up. And I am missing everything that is important (materially) in my life. I don't know what to do. Squirrel leaves on Saturday for 5 days with her brother and sister in law and their 3 boys at Disney World...so i will just be sititng here, alone. And most likely bummed. Tomorrow I will call the Atlanta Airport...try to get their security/police involved to track down the person who took my bag. Or who knows...maybe it was an innocent mistake, and they will track me down. I am praying for that.

I'm not sure I can ever play another hand of poker without the monkey to raise with. I mean...who is going to be afraid of me without my monkey?

MONKEY

Oh by the way...sorry to bring sadness and glumness to your world today. To those of you with families...I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. I know that I have a lot to be thankful today...I do...I'm just having a really hard time focusing on whatever it is today.

il) on my left! Hahahahahah!

Annnnd we are finally in the money! Wow what a long day. Bad news? I'm very short at 55k and on the table re-draw I have the massive chipleader (over 1 m

And we're off!

Coming to you from Table 38, seat 8. Won three hands so far but doubled up a shortstack (22k) with A10 vs. 10-10. Bad race there! We started the day with 82 and are already down to 73.

There are some notables. But first your chipleaders.

Jason Koon. 205k
Brandon Cantu. 194k
Dan Sandel. 186k
Michael Chow 181k
Dan Lu. 181k
Ben Fineman. 166k

Wow, in the 25 minutes since I started this we've lost 15 players! Just watched Mike Leah take the walk of shame.

Okay I need to get dialed in. I will keep this link open in the event something big happens.

But here are the notables either still in or at least in at the start of the day.

Jeff Madsen. Jason Stern. Justin Young. Bryan Devonshire. Corey Segall. Blake Buffington. Rick Townsend. Nick Ceci. Joe Tehan.

Also still alive is a guy I grew up worshipping when he was a starting running back for the Washington Huskies when they were winning Rose Bowls on a regular basis. Sterling Hinds, who was a big track star out of Canada.  I went over and introduced myself, shook his hand and checked out his Rose Bowl ring. And as a bonus he's a real nice guy!

Okay back to action, we just had a 10 minute break.

77 raise UTG at 500/1000. No action (good!)
KK raise UTG at 600/1200. No action. (Dammit!)

Sitting at 90k with avg at 84k and 62 remaining.

AQ. Cutoff raises. I decide to just call, as he has 52k and I have 90k. SB completes. Nice pot. Flop A-J-5. SB checks. Cutoff bets 3k. I raise to 12k. He ponders. I know he has a weak ace. I really have no interest in having to call his shove and watching him hit a three outer. He folds. I tell him this. He tells me I was dead on as I show him my hand. Nice little 11k pot there!

Okay let's post this.

Monk

MAIN EVENT......On to Day 2.

First, to those of you who actually CARE about reading this blog...I apologize.

The last 11 days have been, perhaps, the worst 11 days of poker in over two years. Since that horrendous event in New Orleans. I have decided to spare you all of the awful end results...because honestly, WHO CARES? If you read this...and you play poker...then you have been there.

You have been the guy in Level 10...who with QQ, raised UTG...got re-popped by an old guy you KNEW had AK...and had enough chips to simply flat him and try to fade an A or a K on the flop...and when doing so...and moving all in for two or three times the pot.....only to have him call...and hit a K on you. Right? We've all been there.

Im sure you have also been that person who flopped a boat...slow played it...only to find out the other person was slowplaying QUADS! Yea...just quads. You've all been there, right?

Im quite certain you have all had that week where, in two-winner SNG's, you finished either 3rd or 4th 80% of the time and didnt win an effing cent. Right? You know that feeling?

Sure you have been that guy who played the Mega satellite at noon, then again at 4...and once more at 8pm...only to lose them all...and in ugly fashion each time. Thats you isnt it?

Get where I'm coming from? I've actually been HIDING from this blog. And everyone, practically that I know. I have been skulking around, in a depressed state...murmering things to myself all week. People have repeatedly said...."Monkey, whats up? You arent your usual self this trip!" No, no I am not. Kind of happens when you have your ass handed to you day after day after day.

Then I was served a couple of other bad beats this week. Two of them involving my wife. The first was, after telling the Chase Manhattan rep that if he called me one more time before 8am, I was going to hunt him down, find his cubicle, and fire bomb his ass....having the police and bomb squad show up at our home in Biloxi. Yeah that went over well.

Then a couple days later, I get about 10 text messages in 5 minutes from her...she had attempted going into the attic to retrieve all of Christmas decorations. Some people are aware that in attics, they are contructed with 2x8 wood beams, and plasterboard. You only can place all your weight on the beams. Well, Squirrel apparantly is not aware of this. After falling through the ceiling, and landing on the garage door...she found this out. And went off on me. Jingle bells!

Then last night....I come up to my room...go to log onto my computer, a DELL, and hmmm, how bout that, the screen falls off. Yep. Hinge assembly...kaput! Same thing happened to my last Dell laptop. Wonderful. So I call Dell customer support, to find out if they will fix it. "I am sorry sir, but your warranty expired in August." Really? Of course it did. FML. Time to buy a new laptop...which I did immediately. Hopefully it will arrive in Biloxi before I do.

Okay, so that is all the bad news pretty much. Unless you consider the fact that my knee, for some reason, has swollen to the size of a freaking cantaloupe. Good thing I'm not a starting forward in the NBA...I think I would be out for a couple of games.

Alright then....on to some good news.

Late last night...I hear a cry from the back of the poker room...."one seat left on a $285 single table satellite....last one of the night!" Ohhhhh boy...okay. I had been sitting in a $1/$2 game and was up about $500...so of course I was a bit hesitant. But I go anyway. We get 6 people in a $100 last longer. One guy...who had the nose of a...well, kind of like an eagle...would make one awful play after another...and get all the chips. It was NOT looking good for me. But then things turned around. Because I was patient. He would limp UTG...I followed suit with AA...and 5 others called. I called every bet he made until I was all in...and he doubled me up with a harmless pair. Then from there, I pretty much steamrolled the table...taking it down, and collecting $2200. I gave 3rd her money back, and a little something to 2nd also. It was a great way to finish the day.

I still wasnt positive if I was going to play in the Main. After all, it had been just a terrible week...one that has seen my bankroll crushed for over $5000....so I was going to place it in the hands of my backer. I texted her this morning, telling her about last night's win, and leaving the decision to her. She texted back...one word..."YES". I love it. So it was on!

I get down there and get a decent seat draw. On the first hand I play...the 4th one I see...I get AA. Wow! Just to tell you now, I would get AA six times today! The first time was the only time I lost...and I lost a lot.  $8000 chips. So I was immediately down to 12,000. This asshole, who I would later gain enough info on to know that I should have completely played the hand different, but sometimes...early, you just don't know. So I played it cautious, and this prick rivers a damn GUTSHOT...after having RAISED me after the flop with it. Joke! Whatever, I would get revenge on his ass later.

I really don't want to get into a lot of hands...mainly because I just played 14 hours and I am BEAT! But yeah, I had AA six times. One time, Mike Leah raised UTG...and this Asian guy raised...a lot...well, I had only 16k at the time. I felt like raising 8k was the right move...so I did. The Asian guy puts me all in. He has KK. He has the King of clubs. I do NOT have the Ace of clubs. The flop comes ALL CLUBS. OH GOD! Somehow...he misses. Wheeewwwww!

Another time...Brandon Cantu raises...of course, Brandon raises a LOT anyway....he gets called by "Chingy" (more on him later) and I raise it from 1650 to 5100. They BOTH call. Hmmm...the flop comes A-4-6, two hearts. They both check. I decide not to fuck around and bet out 10k. Brandon starts making overtures that suggest he is about to put me all in. Please do, please do. He finally folds. So does Chingy.

Then the last time I have them for a big pot...after moving tables again...Mike Leah (again getting put at my table) raises UTG....I re-raise him...from 1800 to 4250. He re-raises me 10k. I ask the dealer for the red "all in" button they have been using to throw at you when you go all in. As soon as I do that he calls. He turns over KK. I have to sweat it out again...as the board goes Q-10-J-7-8. Wheeeewwww again! And that one was a HUGE double up...putting me up to 106k when the average was only 52k.

I would play very few hands the last two levels, mainly because I didn't get shit for cards. But when the night ended, I bagged up 100,300 chips...with the average at 62,000. I feel excellent about where I am in chips right now. And it feels good to finally be coming back for Day 2. We started with 269 players...a lot more than I expected, to be honest. At the end of the night we were down to about 85...and its paying 27. So hopefully, things go well tomorrow, and I can at LEAST cash this thing. Then once we get in the money...I can start focusing on the Final Table, and hopefully...the win!

Now....back to this earlier table. Wow. First...this black guy comes to the table, sits next to me in the 7 seat. Wearing the gaudiest jewelry, a Kobe Laker's jersey, the sideways ball cap with the stickers still on it...carrying two phones, his iPod...and a white leather jacket with straps all over it wrapped around his waist...he would become the talk of the tourney. Oh...did I mention? He was drinking Belvedere...like it was his mission in life. He was being warned by every dealer that came to our table....for a gambit of violations. Talking in the hand. Talking on the phone. Taking too long. Swearing. You name it. The guy was actually pretty likeable. He told me he was a rapper and owned a record label. I don't doubt it...his jewelry had to be worth a ton.

Coming to this table later would be Mike Leah....then Chad "Lil Holdem" Batista....then Brandon Cantu...who is kind of a buddy of mine, and who I have NEVER had at my table in a tourney. Brandon had a shit load of chips when he arrived. In fact, it was ridiculous how many chips were being accumulated on our table. The average after Level 5 was like 31k. I had 36k and felt totally shortstacked. This black guy was making one silly ass, loose call after another...and hitting everything. At one point he had like 180k. I think the average stack on my table had to be about 85k. But I am incredibly patient. I don't get freaked out by the neighboring stacks. Well, we started calling this guy "Chingy" because...well, that just seemed to fit! I was actually calling him "Mr. Belvedere" also.

He would take a bunch of hits finally...and this was after guaranteeing everyone at the table that he was going to win the tourney. I wasn't sure he would make it out of Day 1. He wanted to be me $30,000, with NO ODDS...that he would win the tourney. Holy crap. If I could get my hands on that money...I would have jumped at that. Duh! Well, after the table broke, I was kind of keeping an eye on him. He had another thing he liked. Getting massages. If you couldn't find him...you just needed to look for the massage girl. OH! There he is!

Well, he was over there, about two tables away...doubling up one player after another...and at last glance, he was now slumming with only about 25 to 30k. Not good, Chingy...not good. Not sure where he ended up.

There are some good players in this event. And lots still left, with chips. Tomorrow we go back at 2pm. Should be a good day of poker. I really, really want to cash in a Main Event for the first time. And I would REALLY like to make a sizeable score towards the end of the year....it would be good for everyone, me (and my confidence) Squirrel (for peace of mind in dealing with me..and of course, Christmas presents and everything else) and my backer! Just let me have a day tomorrow like today, please! Hopefully, when they do the re-draw...I get a table with a bunch of crappy players and small stacks.  Yeah...that'll happen!!!!

Okay I think that is good, right? I am going to take a long hot bath, read some of my book, and hit the hay! Sorry bout the big delay!

MONKEY

Haven't had a pair over 10's all day (good sign maybe?!!) But I've had 88 3x and hit set all 3!

And Monkey wins a race! AQ beats 88 all in'er for a 12k pot and now have 36k! Avg is 32k. Let's go!!!

Holy schneikys! UTG (nemesis who has a Monkey imposed $100 bounty on him) raises, shortstack shoves. I have KK.

I re-raise. Bozo folds. All in guy has A4 off. I somehow fade the Ace! Sweet!

Well here comes level 7. Just over 20k chips. Avg 22k. 351 started. 190 left.

COUNTING OUTS

For those of you...and there were like 4 of you, who decided to correct me on my ability to count the outs I had to win that hand....you are wrong. And so was I. It wasn't 17. Nope. Now here we go. 9 clubs. 3 Queens. Can't count the 4th one, its a club. 3 Sevens. We are up to 15. Now wait...did you all forget about the other J's and 10's? I mean...if I go runner runner J-10, I win, don't I? So lets go ahead and count the other 3 jacks and the other 3 tens in the deck...which gives us, TADA....21 outs! Right? Right? Seems like a lot, doesnt it? Whatever.

MONKEY

Wow! Out before the end of level 2. Incredible. Got rivered 3 different times by complete fools, then with J10 clubs I flop 8c9c6d. He has AA. I miss all 17 outs. Of course I do! Why wouldn't I?

Really tired, really burnt....and HEY! How bout those COPS at the front door at 8am!!!!!

Quick update cuz I am bushed.

Again...today sucked balls. Completely dominated my table for 8 levels, never had less than twice the average. Then, low and behold...it happened. Level 9. Again. Level 9.

Guy with 80k raises light under the gun. Folds to me in the SB. I have AK off. Decide to play it cautious. BB calls also. I have 42K, average at this point is now 28k. Flop comes K-5-7. Rainbow. Check to the guy. He bets out. I just call. After hesitating...acting like I am drawing. Turn is another K! I check again. He bets, quite a bit. Now I decide to raise...thinking he can't possibly put me on a king now. What does he do? He puts me all in.

Jeezuz. I can't fold. I call. He turns over 55. Oh come on! Really? Shit. I don't fill up on the river. And just like that...after 5 hours of kicking ass...I am OUT!

Play at 7pm. Same shit. Lose in Level 5. Do NOT play any SNGs.

Just browsing these reader comments. Decided to publish a bunch of them against my better judgement. Um...regarding my wife playing in the freeroll? Not sure, but that feels like some kind of a slam. No, she did not play in it. The thing about the ring? Yeah...not sure if that is serious either. But if so, I have no interest in buying a stupid circuit ring. Winning one? Great. Buying one? No sir. What were the other comments? I don't know. Again, really tired.

Monday night...went out with Jason Young and Acap and his girlfriend. Went down to South Pointe....played Blackjack for about an hour....while slamming Jager Bombs. Then went to the bowling alley and bowled two games. Well, check that. One and a half. After numerous trick shots, and shots based on dares...including behind the back shots, laying on the back and tossing over the head shots...lobbing from one lane to the other....lefty shots, you name it...we tried it. The big, fat nasty girl working at the front desk...who totally lacked (a) sense of humor and (b) personality, decided to shut us down. Not like we didn't really see that coming!!!

Why is Sarah Palin still getting all this publicity? Is it because her book just came out? I mean...okay, she is kind of hot. But really? Enough is enough isnt it?

I am about to go to bed. Tomorrow is another $350. You guys ready for the big story? Well, I am going to leave you hanging...because I can't keep my eyes open. Okay maybe I will just tell you.

Squirrel was woken up this morning by two cops banging on the door at 8am. Why? Lets just say....I went Fight Club/Tyler Durden on a collections rep/asshole from Chase Manhattan the other morning...after the 3rd day in a row of calling me at 6:45am. I may have told the guy that if he called me one more freaking time before 7am..."I will hunt you down...find you in your cubicle, and firebomb your ass!!!!" Apparantly, this twerp put in the leg work to contact the authorities and pursue 'terroristic threat' charges against me. How stupid! Well, Squirrel didn't find it very funny. And frankly, it wasnt a very nice way for her to wake up.

Why did this happen? Okay I will just tell you. See, I have had a Chase Manhattan Visa and MC account for 6 years. I pay them on time EVERY month...and always pay more than the minimum payment. Well, I carry a couple of rather large balances on some other accounts like AMEX and Bank of America. For some damn reason, Chase decides that because of this...despite not having ANY late payments on ANY of my bills, ever....that its a good idea to CLOSE my ACCOUNT! Yeah! Just close them. So when I call...all pissed off, they basically blow me off. Okay, fine...I just won't pay you then. Not a penny. Affect my credit? Whatever. Their going to send it to collections? Big deal. So now they have some dork call me early in the morning...."Hi this is Bobby the Retard calling from Chase. Is this William Souther? I am calling about your overdue payment." "Oh really Bobby? Well like I told the assholes who called the last 8 times...you guys fucked yourself. You will get NOTHING from me! Good luck! Might as well sell this one off to a collection agency. In which case I will blow them off, until they forward it to yet ANOTHER collection agency. This will repeat itself about 3 times, until finally...the debt will be useless. It will just vanish! So good luck asshole! You guys are idiots!"

When I got the cop on the phone...the guy was actually really cool. I explained the situation. He was very understanding, claiming to have gone through this type of thing. Told me to be careful what I tell these weasels...that anything having to do with FIREBOMBING is never going to be recieved very well. But he told me  everything was fine. Whewwwww! So that is over.

Oh...almost forgot. Larry Barnett called me two days ago...while I was playing the Saturday tournament. Larry from New Orleans. After talking to 3 of their high management people over there, it appears that he has managed to get that ridiculous '86' on me lifted, thus clearing the way for me to return for the December event. Thats pretty cool!

Oh and by the way...to whoever that person was making the comment that I had nothing to do with the good structures last May? Who are you? Why would you say that when you have no effing clue what you are talking about? I absolutely had everything to do with those improved structures. And if you don't believe me, ask Jason Lipscomb and/or Steve Frezer.

OMG...what is worse than being almost as hungry as you are tired at 3am? Not a good combo.

I think that is it.

I am sure ready to freaking win something here. Tired of getting coolered or sucked out on...its really, really getting old.

MONKEY

And todays tourney is over. Flop 789 with 88 and lose almost all my chips to guy with 99! Then all in with AQ I get called by JJ. He held. Bummer.

Tourney outcome...and a reader who needs to be addressed...then tar and feathered.

Yeah, so sorry about not following up yesterday. My backer went through the same excruciating, "what the heck ended up happening" that I did to the rest of you. Well, I will tell you...it was one of the most disappointing finishes of the year for me. It sent me into a downward spiral of emotions that ended with me sitting down at a 1/2 table and declaring war on any and everything I laid my eyes on. I was just pissed!

I came back from dinner break with only 32k and the average stack at around 56k. I needed help, but I was still okay, and was willing to be patient. There were 70 left, with 45 cashing...so I didn't need to get crazy. Well, I wouldn't have to wait long. On the 3rd hand back...Im in the BB with AK...fairly solid player raises...gets called by the button...and with me staring at over 15k in the pot...and a pretty damn good hand to shove with...I shoved. The first raiser calls...and the 2nd guy tanks...then finally folds...what he said was JJ. The first guy has QQ. Oh boy. King in the window! And it holds! Wish the other guy had called! Now I was in pretty good shape.

But then...on the VERY NEXT HAND...in the SB...I pick up AA. Dan Clemente raises in early position. (gee, I wonder, am I 'name dropping' there?) Dan is a real solid player who cashes a LOT...and who I also have a pretty good player relationship with. We also traded a 5% save on a TOP 5 finish in this tourney. (oh no...another save with a friend) Well, Dan had been pretty active with his raising...so he could have had a lot of hands. Turns out he had KJ. The guy three over calls his raise. When it gets to me, I re-raise about 2.5x the bet. Dan calls. And the second guy (who has AQ) calls. The flop comes A-10-4. Rainbow. Hell yes! I go ahead and lead out...for 7500. Dan calls. And the third guy shoves for 38k! Awesome! I debate on whether or not to re-pop it. Then it dawns on me....WHY? So I smooth call his all in. Dan gives me a pretty funny look and tells me, "I have outs!!!" but he KNOWS what I have. Either a set of 10's or a set of A's. The other guy is all but dead...and fails to go runner K runner J..and is OUT! And I spend the next four hands stacking my 155k in chips! It was a great, great feeling. I could start to think about the Final Table.

Granted, I have been here before, and there was no way I was penciling myself in for the Final Table. But others were, and I hate that. Expectations suck. Well, I would hover around 150k for several orbits. Had one hand where a guy with as many chips as I had limped in for 2k, and I folded A5....then flop a damn wheel...with Dan betting out...and the other guy calling. Ugh. Could have been a very nice 50 to 100k pot for me there. Bad fold. Then I have a hand blow up in my face. Sitting in the BB with AA again...I would have aces 5 times yesterday...I decide to get sneaky and go for a HUGE pot...one that would allow me to coast into the Final Table with a massive chiplead. Already we had all the chips on our table between  me, Dan...and this other guy I've never seen before.

Dan raises. The other chip monster calls....and I decide to flat. My full intent is to check any flop and then re-raise any bet. The flop comes Qc-5c-3d. Pretty good flop. I check. Dan bets out 9500. The other guy folds. I raise it another 18k to 28k total. Then...it happens. Dan re-raises me...but not a lot...almost like he WANTS me to call...or WANTS me to put him all in. He makes it another 30k. Son of a bitch! What the hell.....QQQ? Or a flush draw. Fortunately we had a dealer who wasnt beating us up with the 'no talking in the hand' crap that a lot of the Venetian dealers are nutso about. I took forever deciding what to do. I just kept feeling like he had either a set or a huge flush draw...in which case....if I pushed all in he wasnt folding anyway. So I did what I thought was smart and laid down aces. He was amazed...but later told me he had the ace high flush draw. Well, had I known that...I still think I fold there.  I still had plenty of chips...and we would be re-drawing once in the money...and I would certainly be moved to a table full of small stacks and bad players.

Which is exactly what happened. We made the money...and I was moved to a table of bad players...who had very little chips. But then I went card dead for about 6 orbits. Yet I still had 200k in chips with the average at 198k and 22 players left.

Then this guy who I had been pretty chummy with all day does something really fucking stupid. I always watch the players before they act...and I swear to God this guy didnt look at his hand. And on the button...he moves in on me for 58k. With the blinds at 3k-6k. I look down at AcKc. Pfft...great...I know I'm ahead and I just know I will lose. I call. He turns over 2-5 offsuit. Huh? Then tells me "I didnt look Monkey, I had to do SOMEthing to get some chips...."  Great so steal my BB....with dogshit. You dumbass. So when the dealer puts out nothing but a TWO....I had lost almost a third of my stack. Very next hand I have AQ. In the SB. Another short stacks moves all in. I call. He has K4 offsuit. He makes two pair. Awesome. Just awesome. Oh and I hit my ace on the flop. So now I am seething. Absolutely seething. When the same dealer gives me Ah10h at cutoff...I just throw in my last 56k in chips...and wait. I get a guy who re-shoves behind me...wonderful, watch him have AA. Nope, just 88. Well, thats not too bad. Then the flop comes out Kh-Qh-4d. WOW! Could I ask for a better flop? Jeezuz...lets see, I had 9 hearts, any ace, any 10, any J....or runner runner KQ....pretty much flopped the world.

Would I hit? Why would I? Fuck me! And I was out! 22nd! For a whopping $900. I've never been so pissed at having someone hand me $900. No...I had my heart and mind set on the Final Table and getting down to 5 and doing a 5-way chop...then negotiating with the other players so I got to get my picture taken with the trophy...which I would pay extra money to get to take home. Cuz thats how I roll! Okay, that is all bullshit. But when you read this dickheads comment down below it will make sense.

The next 5 or 6 hours were a blur. I was rude to my wife. I was rude to everyone who was even slightly morose with me. I went home talking to myself...mumbling really. Then when I woke up this morning at 11:15 and a splitting headache...I had to pull myself up off the canvas, get it together...and come back to try again today in the $550. It was a disaster. I really don't want to get to into it...other than to say I had this fat clown at my table who I immediately wanted to kill. If Big Bird and Snuffaluffagus got together and had offspring...this guy is what it would look like. He decides in an early round hand that he would happily slap a bluff in my face. I really thought I was good too...but he bet so much, it just didn't justify a call that early. But I hit the roof. Made whacking HIM my #1 goal. He also managed to get the rest of the table gunning for him. Sitting next to him was this scrawny little asian kid who looked about 12....who decided to be his pal. I am watching him after hands that I lost and the two of them are snickering and saying shit I know relates to me. I start having fantasies that I am writing the script for the next 'Saw' movie. The Asian Laurel and Hardy over there are being cast as my lead characters. I get moved to a table that 'Acap' was sitting at. Jason Young is at the table behind us. Hey look at me, dropping names again! I'm so important. Acap has a lot of chips. Then he gets his ass handed to him by that stupid motherfucker who looks like....take your pick....(a) Mark Cuban and/or (b) a fucking Mole...with this long, tube-like nose. Retard raises UTG with K10. Acap has JJ and just calls. No one else does. Flop comes 7-7-4. Dude checks. Acap bets the pot. Dude (retard) calls. Turn is nothing...like a 3 or something. Now the idiot leads out for a large bet, like 8500 or something. Acap RAISES him..like 3x. The guy CALLS! Again! The river? A fucking KING! And the guy checks! Acap bets 15,000. Whats this guy do? He smooth calls. When he turns over his hand Acap just flips. I almost fall out of my chair. Jason runs over...and he flips. But then tells us..."thats nothing compared to the shit on my table!"

Well, I am sitting there getting blinded out. Getting nothing, and losing the hands I do play. So when the mole limps in for 600....and Acap calls...and the lady (who will fold to my raise, I KNOW) next to me calls....I see a chance to scoop up a pot of almost 3k...half my stack...without (hopefully) seeing a flop. So I shove all in with my pair of 3's. Everyone folds except for the owner of the Mavericks. He has 88. Shit. I get nothing...and he hits an 8 on the river. And I am done for the day. Came up to my room here at the Venetian...which I just moved into this morning, with Kai Landry (one of my gay friends) and decided to take a nap. Which I just woke up from. I was staying at Lara Miller's house the first few days I was here. I met Lara this summer...she's a really cool chick who lives alone, owns her own PR firm, and represents a lot of poker players....whose names I would tell you but...HOLY SHIT...that would be name dropping. Well, I appreciate her letting me stay with her....but Kai got left high and dry when his buddy he was sharing a room with decided to split. I also kind of was hating the daily drive to and from the house. Its nice when you are staying upstairs...and can just go up and down. Like being able to go upstairs on dinner break and taking a hot bath! I love that. So I decided to help Kai out a little and share the room with him. So thanks to Lara!

I guess thats about it. I'm going to go back down here after I finish this...as its now 10pm...and try to play 1 or 2 sng's. Tomorrow is a $550, followed by a $1000 on Monday that I would like to play. But it would be nice to satellite in and not buy in. I don't know though, Jason had mentioned making Sunday a day off to just all go hang out and watch football in a sportsbook and eat lunch. That might actually happen. Suppose it depends on how many players I see when I go down there. If its over 250 I think I will have to play. There were 228 today. Kind of a low number I thought...but still...32k for 1st place is always worth playing for. So...lets address this pricks message.



Anonymous said...



Hey idiot, There is nothing to be jealous about. So, that cant be it!


You chop a couple of small tourneys, have to give your backer 60%. And split the rest with all your idiot friends who you had saves with. Whats to be jealous about? And everybody knows, after you make a chop for most of the money, the remaining players are not really playing anymore. Your the only idiot who buckles down, so you can take a pitcure with the chips and cards. Your probably one of those retards who wears the crappy jewelry thay give away. Your trying to become some poker celebrity. Its embarassing. And all the name droping you do is pitiful. "had a nice little talk with Helmuth in the hallway". "Had a bet with Gavin" All those accomplished players names you drop, all laugh at you behind your back. They all see you as a "MONKEY". But not the monkey you think you are. But a real ass monkey. And stop taking credit for tourney structures and making things better for the players. If you want to do something for the players,keep your crying ass home.


There is a reason your banned at all of these places. So just show up keep you mouth shut, and keep playing your super tight make it to the end and chop style, give your backer 60% and your fake friends the rest, and you might make the backpage of one of those low grade poker mags. And if everything is true, who gives a fuck if its from anonymous or Bob or Steve or Sara or whoever else is sick of your goofy ass? And I guarantee you at least 85% of people who play with you would agree with every word. Just because you have some goofball followers that come to your defense, dont let it go to your head. See you at the tables goffy!!!


Okay, fuck nugget. Here we go. Not sure why I waste my time giving clowns like you the forum to try and make me feel bad...I guess its because I like giving it back, which I plan to do right now.

Nothing to be jealous about? So thats not it? Well,  first, I wasn't the one who suggested you were jealous...as its pretty clear you are the same douchebag who made the earlier anonymous post. In fact, it was other readers who made the statement that you are nothing but a jealous asshole who is (my read here) probably saddled to a desk living in cubicle land Monday thru Friday making $36k a year or less, who gets to trek down to his local casino on the weekend to play 1-2nl or a $200 or less tourney once in a while, but who derives pleasure in talking smack...and bad smack at that where other successful players are concerned.

You keep mentioning that I keep chopping 'small tourneys.' Not exactly sure which ones you are referring to. First of all, I am guessing you have never MADE a Final Table, so you probably don't understand the dynamics of chopping up Final Table money. First and foremost, I NEVER chop and STOP. I always insist on playing it out. I LOVE TO WIN...and want all the chips. And the picture? You silly silly retard...the tourney directors take that picture, of their own valition. And then they post it...either on their site, or on a Facebook page, or other places. But yeah...I like the victory shot. Who doesnt? Its a happy moment. Dude wins a race, he gets up on his car and sprays shit everywhere. I mean...whatever field we are in...winning feels good. And to NOT want you picture taken? What would be the reason? Because I have to worry about your stupid, loser ass making fun of me?

Back to the chopping thing. See, moron...there are times, when based on the structure of the tournament...it is in your best interest to guarantee, to lock up...a certain amount of money...and then leave some more to play for on top. It has worked in my favor just as much as its worked against me. Of course when I end up winning, I am always bummed. But when I get knocked out next...and make a lot more than I would have...it feels pretty satisfying. Its economics my friend...but as someone who doesnt GET IT...I wouldn't expect you to understand.

You like to keep bringing up that I have to give my backer 60% like that is such a bad thing. If you understood exactly how good I have it...you would be jealous, instead of slighting me. But again, you have the IQ of a jagged rock, so I wouldnt expect you to figure it out. My backer enables me to do something I love with very little risk to my personal funds. And the 40% that I do garner in victories? I take care of that money in a way that provides me with a relatively comfortable lifestyle. Now, sure...if/when I ever hit something for half a million or more, there is probably a day when her and I re-structure our deal. I restructured it for HER myself last year...when it became clear to me that the deal was not very good for her. So I took it from 50/50 with no buy in refund to 60/40 and partial buy in refund...and its been a lot better for her, and not that much of a hit to me. She's happy, I'm happy...so if you aren't happy? Guess what? We don't give a rat shit.

Next. Ah yes...saves with my 'idiot friends.' Ha. You're funny. You only WISH you could be in the same situation I am in...to actually HAVE friends that are good enough players to warrant such consideration. You imply that I make 'saves' with people because they are my friends. Quite the contrary. I am friends with them due to the fact that they are worth of doing saves with! Well, that and I just like them. But I would NEVER do a save with a guy who I didn't think had an even-money shot at making the Final Table. Again...another topic you would CLEARLY have no understanding of.

NEXT: You think the players aren't trying after the chop deal is made? Well, you are a fucking imbecile if you think that three guys take $2500....and leave $1100 more on the table and don't TRY to win it. Simply a retard.

NEXT: Jewelry? You are obviously not reading ALL of my posts...as I have said on here, many times that I have NO desire to win a ring or a bracelet, to wear at least. To have one would be kind of cool. It would go in a trophy room with the other ones I have won. Or actually, I might even give it to my backer. I have said many times that I think players who wear their bracelets and/or rings at the table are kind of ridiculous. If its an attempt to intimidate the other players, its silly. I have railed against the whole jewelry thing on here a lot...so you get a big STEEEEEEEE-RIKE on that one too.

NEXT: Trying to be a poker celebrity? A name dropper? Listen bitter boy...I'm 42. I've done a lot of things in my life where I was as recognized or more than in poker. It's never been what 'drives' me. Do I enjoy some recognition for my accomplishments? Sure, why wouldn't I? If you know anything about me...you know I don't live in obscurity under a bridge...as you obviously do in 'Cubicle-Land.' I've actually said on this very blog, that I am hesitant about my desire to win a televised Final Table...that all the extra demands and attention that will come with it, might not be worth it. I rather enjoy winning these 'under the radar' tourneys for $20 to $60k, not being on TV...being recognized by my peers whose opinions of me I value the most. What would make more of an impact to me? Being in a grocery store and having some stranger Ive never met come up and tell me they saw me on TV....that they love poker, blah blah blah...and can they have my autograph? And maybe rattle off some personal bad beat story? Or walking into the next event after having won a nice one previously, and have a couple guys I know as good players, and good guys...coming up and saying..."Hey Monkey, heard you snapped off a nice tourney last week. Way to go pal! Was glad to see you win!"  Those are the comments that mean the most to me.

As far as name dropping? Dude, the only one who thinks that is name dropping, is the loser who idiolizes those people I mention. I mention a LOT of names in my blogs. I am not going to omit ONLY the ones that EVERYONE has heard of at the risk of some low-life asshole like you calling me a 'name dropper.' Buddy, its POKER man! If you consider these people something better than YOU? Than you need to check your self esteem. I don't hold any of these guys in higher regard than myself. We are all peers. They know me, I know them. Some of them I am closer to. I don't tell stories on here and use names to impress anyone. I don't need to. I think my stories are just as good if I made up the names...instead of Gavin Smith, next time I will call him Lavin Griff. Would that make it an easier read for you bleeding brain boy? See...maybe if you lived the life that I do, you wouldn't think it was a big deal to run around with these guys. I'm reading over your comment...and honestly, I am actually kind of starting to just feel sorry for you.

So you think that 85% of the people/players out there agree with you? Well, thats okay if you think that. I happen to know you are off. Way off. Sure there are SOME players who arent fond of 'my act' and I know that. And frankly, I'm okay with that. I go out there, and I have fun when I play. I talk a lot. I get to know people...and everywhere I go, there is no one who has more players come up to the table to say hi to than I do. And you know what? I like it. It makes me feel good. I make a lot of players have fun when they never expected to. I know what the actual number of people are who can't stand me. Do I like it? No. I don't think ANYONE likes to be disliked. But in life, there are some people who you will NEVER make like you. And to sit and TRY to win their affection, sometimes...isn't worth the time or energy required. And some people just aren't really the type of person you WANT liking you. I get the idea you are one of those people I would NEVER want to be friendly with. I imagine you to be the type who tortured animals when you were a kid. Used a magnifying glass to kill insects. Started fires to amuse yourself. Tormented the kids who were smaller or younger than you. Yeah...I think I pretty much have you pegged pal, for a straight up, world class loser. And what is the difference, you ask...in posting your name to your stupid comments? Why does it matter if its Bob, Doug or Shirley?

I'll tell you why. Its called 'BEING A MAN.' If you had any credibility, if you had any qualities of a real man, if you had a shred of honor, or class...you would sign your name to your ridiculous comments. But you don't. Why? Simple. Because you are a hater. A miserable, unhappy, jealous, spiteful, LOSER. I am a winner. I stand behind everything I say. I go to bat for people who deserve to be defended. I share my winnings with those I love and/or care about. I go out of my way to see the good in people. I am a responsible human being. I pay my bills on time. I love my animals, and don't torture them. I don't sit outside of junior high schools in my '85 Ford Escort watching the kids come out at 3pm. Go find a mirror pal, look in it...and with total sincerity ask yourself this question:

"Who the FUCK am I to question someone else and their life?"

And when you come up with an answer that makes any sense...feel free to post on here, and sign you name to it.

Have a nice day!

MONKEY

Yeahhhhhh boiiiiiiii!!! Come back from dinner and with AK and AA on B2B hands go from 32k to 155k!!!!! Niiiiice!!!!l love love lovinnn it!

FRIDAY THE 13th!!! And I'm feeling freaky!!!!

First...thanks to those who had my back vs. that stupid comment guy. Whoever he is. It didn't really bother me ALL that much. Just makes me wonder sometimes what makes people so ugly. Strange.

This WILL be quick...as I insist on being on time today. Its 11:17am. I got like 8 hours of sleep last night. FINALLY! Wow! Didn't even notice the front page until just now. Nice of Bill and Gene to give me big billing on the front page for winning a wussie little 7pm tourney....but thanks boys! And yea...it sure did to feel good to win a nice little tourney after just stepping off the plane.

Lots of cool people and good players out here. The structure is a bit different. Like some parts of it, dislike other parts of it. It all kind of depends on what kind of a chip stack you have at each level I guess. They DID fix the payout structure which is nice, and long overdue. So now in the $350 when you cash you dont win $420....a joke, but about $750...which is at least double your buy in.

Just heard that Jeffrey Pollack is FINISHED as Commissioner for the WSOP. I am going to dance around this news. But let me say this. It was him who had me bounced from the RIO last summer. Why? Well, Pedula claims to have only 86'd me from Ceasers...which is true. But on the same day...Pollack mysteriously disappears from my Facebook as a friend...and then, later...I am told that Pedulla called over to him...told him what transpired at Ceasers (which was NOTHING) and 'suggested' that he consider not letting me on their property. Well, Pollack, who had NEVER met me...other than at a Bluff Magazine party...where he came off as friendly...looks into my file, sees some 'incidents' that had taken place (albeit 3 and 4 years prior) at Harrahs up in Tahoe and at New Orleans Harrahs and determines this to be a good enough reason to have me 86'd. It was completely ridiculous. And then he decides to completely ignore my emails. I have a name for people like that. You all can guess what it is.

Back to this trip. I had a lousy Wednesday. Thats all I'm going to say. And yesterday was sucking too. Played till 6 pm in the nooner. Then get short. Have to get it in with 55. Run into AK. Flop produces nothing. Turn gives him a gutshot....he asks for, and gets...a Jack on the river to knock me out. Boooo! I go play the 7pm tourney. I lose. On the river again. Boooooo! I go eat dinner with Jason Young and 'Acap' at Grand Luxe. Delicious as always. Met Jason's girlfriend. Georgous young lady. They seem very happy together. They go to a movie, invite me...but I need a win of some kind. To get my head right.

So I go play an $80 SNG. I know I know...but its all they have. I will keep it simple. I win. I was chipleader with 4 left...by a lot...and the shit hit the fan. Double up shortstacks three seperate times, every time with the best hand...and figure...yep...this is me getting fucked again! But then I pull of the comeback..and take it down...for $380. Then play one more...and win that one too, for another $390. These totals include the last longer...which I won on both, obviously. So the day ends with a nice profit, and the taste of victory back in my mouth.

And here we are. Friday the 13th! Sweet! I won on Halloween last year! And almost again on this year! I think on days of freakiness, I reign supreme! I hope this is the case today! I feel so good, having slept, having had a good meal last night. Everything feels right. I bought in last night and have a great seat. Now I just need to have a day when everything goes right...and oh yeah, play good!!!!

The weather out here is PERFECT. About 65 to 70 everyday. Slight breeze blowing. Sunny. The nights are nice and cool. I love it out here this time of year. I want to win something big in the next three days then fly Squirrel out here for her two days off next weekend. Thats the plan anyway! Hope you all have a great friday the 13th, and a fun weekend! Hope to have some exciting reports here soon!!!!

MONKEY

Monkey Does Vegas....might as well start with a win!

Yesterday was almost a 'perfect' day.

On Sunday, I played on Stars for one quick session. I took 3rd in a $22/180 for $435 and got 227th out of 5510 in the $55 MTT for another $208. I was left with a feeling of "see, assholes, even I can win online once in awhile."

I skipped the Main Event at the IP, which attracted a robust 43 total players. Since I didn't Mega my way in I just couldn't see the logic or common sense in buying in to an event for $3k when I wouldn't even win any POY points if I did happen to Final Table it. I had no regrets.

It was a magnificent day of football...in Fantasy Football I put up a perfect 5-0 as ALL my teams won. Nice. And the Green Bay loss knocked a bunch of people out of my various Survivor Pools. I don't know about you guys, but I actually LIKE those old school Buccaneer uniforms.

Then on Monday I simply ran errands, visited the chiropractor..and spent the evening in with Squirrel. She gave me a haircut, a much needed one. Followed along with the WSOP Final Table. Joe Cada beats the record of Peter Eastgate for youngest-ever champion. Wow. Hope that at 42 I am no longer past the 'prime' of playing winning poker. These kids are something. I hope the kid just manages his money well and doesnt fall into the wrong crowd.

Tuesday I was supposed to fly out at 6am. Squirrel was real psyched about that! Well, my flight got cancelled because of that 'wannabe' hurricane, Ida. Glad nothing panned out with that storm. But when my flight got rescheduled it had me leaving town at 11:25am instead, and connecting in Memphis instead of Atlanta. By looking at my reservation online it looked like I had bumped to 1st class. I was pretty excited.

But when I got to Memphis...and boarded the plane...shit! Seat 6E ended up being the 2nd row in coach. And on my plane? If there were 215 passengers...195 of them were black, over the age of 50 and the average weight was about 250. What in the hell is going on here? Ahhhh I see. One of those black churches...practically the whole congregation was flying out to L.A. for some reason. They were all very nice, mind you...but half of them required wheelchairs to get to their seats, which caused pandemonium with loading the plane, causing us to be delayed, first at the gate, and later in taking off...as we were #14 for takeoff at one point. But the 'super bad' news came as I was approaching my seat....I had the middle seat. Seated on either side of me were two black women, both of whom were well over 300 lbs. OMG OMG OMG...the panic attack started. The only thing missing was the glass of milk to dip me in. They were both wearing the nastiest perfume...and just swimming in it. The plane was packed too, so there was no escaping this. OMG OMG OMG......I dipped into my pill bottle and found this ONE remaining xanax that Squirrel had given me months ago....took that, and a muscle relaxerr for my neck and prayed that I would pass out, and SOON! These ladies wouldn't give up even ONE arm rest...so I am sitting there, arms across my chest, with my pillow in my lap...freaking out!

We finally take off. The lady on my left has an arm the size of Squirrel's leg. Its pressed into me. OMG OMG OMG....please God....please make me fall asleep. And then finally, it kicks in. And while reading a paragraph in my latest Vince Flynn novel "Separation of Powers" it happens, I pass out. I wake up a couple hours later....still an hour outside of LA. Thats right. LOS ANGELES! This flight was going to LA first, then BACK to Las Vegas. Unreal. By the time I got to Vegas it was 6:45. I had been flying a total of 9 hours on the day. Not the worst day of flying, but close. I went to go get my pre-rented car at Budget and get the stupidest woman in the world. Thats right....I Googled "stupidest woman on the planet" while at the counter and her picture popped up. 214 questions from her later, I finally had my rental car.

While this was going on, Tim Mix was texting me from Venetian asking if I was going to come play their nightly 7pm tourney. I had been invited to attend the WSOP viewing party with the girl I am staying with, Lara Miller, who owns a PR firm and represents several of the Final Table players. Hmmmmm....figured being in that atmosphere would just bum me out a bit...so I elected to go play at Venetian, and see everyone. Glad I did. REAL GLAD.

I arrive in the middle of Level 3. I see Kai. He is still in the noon tourney. By the end of the night, Kai would bag up his chips...down to 3 tables, and either Chipleader or damn close. He was pumped, and frankly, I am tickled for him...as he is due for a big win. Hopefully today! Jason Young happens by a short time later, draggin 'Acap' with him and his girlfriend Jenna, who I'd never met. And I saw a lot of other good buddies, including Mike "Carwash" Schneider who was also in the money. Kevin "The Colored Giraffe" O'Leary would find me...with his girlfriend Brianna. Kevin has already won an event and has two final tables....so any thoughts I have of going back to back ALL AROUND at Venetian will have to go through Kevin!

About five hands I win a hand. Then I win another decent one. We started with 7500 chips. Then a guy raises in late position at 100/200 to 700. With 5 callers, and me in the BB with As9s...I figure that if I call...they might all call. I am looking at a chance to win a very juicy pot if I hit a nice flop. So I call, and four others call. I flop four to the nut flush. I check.....button bets 500. Strange bet huh? Into a pot of about 3700? I raise him to 1500. The others fold. He smooth calls. Hmmm..interesting. Luckily for me the turn card is the 10 of spades, Yahtzee! I check. He goes all in! Thank you sir...and you are drawing dead! Give me all your chips. Nice little double up!

This trend would continue, as players insisted on giving me all their chips. On perhaps my favorite hand...the 6 seat (I would personally bust the player in SEAT 6 a total of 3 times, that seat was like the ejection seat!) would raise from 200/400 to 3000. I min raised him to 6000 when I looked down at AA. Everyone folded to him. He calls. The flop comes Ah-3c-8c. He checks to me. I bet out 5000. He goes all in. Okay. I call. He has KQ. One club. I have the A of clubs. Thank you sir. I now had well over 55k with the average at 15k and 90 players still remaining.

I go card dead for a long time. No big deal though...since I had so many chips. Then I get AQ. I raise to 4800 with the blinds at 800/1600. Guy in late position goes all in for 11000. Great. But then he starts yapping and I figure out that he isnt very strong. Thinking middle pair. So I call, and he turns over 88. I fully think I am going to hit this. But I don't. Dammit. And that takes a big chunk out of me.

No big deal. I get them all back. Then the rest of it was kind of a blur. We make the money. I order the Red Snappers. I get 6 takers. All 6 of those takers would make the Final Table with me. Its amazing how powerful Red Snappers are!

Then I just play a very meticulous game of final table poker. Finding good spots to raise. Jedi mind tricking my way into a few pots. Slowly picking up pots. Then taking the chip lead when this guy just kamikaze jams 20 BBs at cutoff and I wake up with JJ on the button....and fade the K8. I can now feel the table getting antsy...now that I just took a commanding chip lead. We get down to 3...and are all holding the same stacks almost. But I am clearly the best player out of the three. Sorry, not meaning to sound cocky, but dammit, it wasn't even close. I was not interested in doing a chop and leave. But I would do a 'save' of some kind. 1st place was $4300. So I agree to each take $2500, and then play for $1100. I request that each of us tip the floor $100 each and the dealers $200 each. All parties agreed. The dealers and floor guy appeared to be happy with that.

After a while we got rid of the one guy. Then heads up, this guy had me 4 to 1 going in. I would flop two pair with K3. Bet, he calls. Turn air. Bet, he calls. River a boat...also gives him a straight. All in paid off. Now I am up 4 to 1. A few hands later I try to end it...raising with 66 and calling his all in with A10. 10 on the turn. SHIT! Back and forth......

Then finally, I raise with A7. He moves all in...I call. He has A6 and says "I smell a chop coming" and I reply..."Nope, I'm gonna hit a 7 here!" Which is exactly what I do. Game, set and match....Senor Monkey! And right off the plane...I have a win at the Venetian...good for $3600 and some pride, and the taste of victory! Sweet! Not a bad way to start the trip, not a bad way at all. And the good news? The really good news? That reader/comment has been sticking in my craw for the last few days...about me being a lousy tourney player...and that I will be working a 'real job'...'guaranteed' within 'two years.' Well...that is my driving motivation now. So every time I win now, I will be dedicating it to that son of a bitch! There ya go hater....SCOREBOARD!

Going to push the PUBLISH button, get in the shower...and hopefully get to Venetian 'semi on time' as it is now 11:33am. Yesterday they got over 500 players in the $340. Awesome. Can't wait.

MONKEY

Lets get something straight....

There needs, clearly, to be a clarification made.

As I am getting messages from various readers, and then an email from my backer, it becomes painfully clear to me that I need to elaborate on a few statements I made last post. No, not the "who is Gary J" post...as that remains a huge, glaring mystery. The only noon winner who this could possible be is Garrett Jones...and I do not think that is our mystery guy.

No this centers around the comments regarding me 'taking it easy on guys' because I feel bad about busting them, potentially. Here is what I left out...mistakenly. The past week has been filled with a plethora of horrible suck outs that occurred mostly on the turn and/or river. We have all experienced these. And oh...there would be more yesterday.

What this means....or where this leads, is to a broader explanation as to why I was betting these guys off of hands...where in some cases I may have elected to play them a bit slower and extract more value. Here is the practical reality to this situation...part of me felt that I was letting those guys off the hook, thus making me the 'good guy' in my own eyes, and maybe some other peoples' eyes also. The other part of me was this: I did NOT have the nuts. Their were boat draws there. Their were flush draws there. Their were bigger straight draws there. And when you are conditioned by getting sucked out on for a week solid, you tend to start playing your hands a bit more aggressively and protecting your hand while you still can, to thus avoid another horrendous suckout.

So before you guys get on your perch of righteousness and start blasting me for collusion and softplay....just see the big picture for a second and chill the hell out.

There is a comfort that comes from getting up 3 times the average stack early and being the chipleader at your table, that doesnt exist when you are sitting there with an average stack. For example: If you are in a hand with AJ....in the SB....and don't raise...and the flop comes Js-9h-4s....and you bet out 750 (with blinds at 100/200 and 5 in the hand) and your opponent raises you to 2200...you can just grab enough to put him all in and reraise him. See, you have that major edge on him. You can be wrong there...he might have a set. But probably not. He probably has either KJ or a flush draw...and for him to either be wrong, or to get lucky...will cost him ALL his chips. You not raising preflop had him thinking his KJ was good. But by me NOT raising preflop...I hid the strength of my holdings. Which allowed me to get him to raise to 2200. Now...for me to simply call his 2200...and watch a king hit the turn...or for that matter another spade? Why? Why not take the pot while its at over 5000 then to allow him to catch up and thus cost me about 5 or 6k? See...a lot of you get a big stack, and you start playing russian roulette with your chips. I don't. I will keep winning semi-small pots and maintain my advantage. Some might call it a hole, some might not.

Another example: I have kh9h...limped for 200. 6 callers. Flop comes QdJs10d. Flop a straight. But not the NUT straight...AND there is a flush draw out there. Being first to act...I check. Hoping to get at least ONE person to juice the pot. Someone does...and he happens to be a guy I'm fond of. Whatever. He bets almost the pot. I re-raise the shit out of it. It folds back around to him. He groans...I tell him "pretty sure I have ya" and he folds face up...Q-J. Now in my head...he could have a lot of hands here. KQ? Two pair? Flush draw? There are a lot of hands he could have that after the turn card hits I might not be liking my hand much anymore. So for anyone to suggest that by me re-raising big there I am 'colluding' simply has no concept of the game. And trust me...after seeing that he had two pair...I liked my play even more. And he came away from it feeling better too, I'm sure. So in essence, we both won. He doesn't go broke, and I fade another potential (disastrous) suckout costing me 25 to 30% of my stack.

Final Example: Holding Q-10 offsuit, I limp again for 200. We get 4 callers on this hand. The flop comes Kc-Js-9c. Another flopped straight. But another flush draw...and 4 people in the hand...and again about 1000 in the pot. I check again, first to act. Player 1 bets out 1000. It folds all around to me. I raise him to 2500. He shoots me a look....you know the look...the "wtf, man?" look. I say two words..."fold, man." Now a lot of people do this, and a lot of players DONT fold. Hell I've told guys this and had them RERAISE me all in! Happens more than I would like...and I call. And a lot of times they have that flush draw...and then hit it...or a set...and hit a boat...and now I am sitting there....stewing. So this play often times goes bad a lot! But again...a guy I like...not particularly keen on busting...but also not wanting him to chase there and cost me another chunk of my stack. So his fold? I am perfectly fine with.

So... to all you people who look for holes in my game. Who look for reasons to villify me and throw a cloud of suspicion over me...chill out. Take a look at the big picture. That I have to log on and explain this to you, in the first place...is a little ridiculous. But since I have been trying to 'reform' my standing in the poker community lately, I felt it important to briefly explain myself on this subject.

Okay so I am done with that.

Wanna discuss yesterday? I really don't...but I will, I guess. Played the noon Final Tableist Freeroll, along wtih 150+ other players. ONE person wins...an entry into the 2010 WSOP in Vegas. And with all the rebuys from Levels 1-4...a total of 55 would win entry into the 8pm Mega turbo. I would rebuy twice and take a double add on, so I was in for $200 total. Was pretty much card dead the ENTIRE tourney. But I would pick up hands when I needed them to stay alive. Got down inside of 55, so at least I locked up that free entry into the 8pm Mega. Then, with 26 players left...I finally look down at AA for the first time all day. Mainly, I spent the day looking down at hands that ALL seemed to contain a FOUR...and then something to go with it. Must have seen K4 at least 56 times yesterday. But I would say 75% of all my hands had a 4 in them. So when I saw AA...with the blinds at 3000/6000...and me holding 18,000 it presented a weird opportunity. With only 1 winner, and nothing else...it really kind of changed the way this thing was being played. Big hands like AA needed to get paid off. So do I limp here? I was hearing that voice inside of my head..."Monkey...don't get cute with aces! Don't do it...you KNOW what will happen!!!!" So then, instead I decide to appear weak...by shrugging my shoulders...uttering that phrase "Oh well....all in guys." I get called, just CALLED, by the guy in the 1 seat...who has already demonstrated earlier how terrible he is...when...oh LOOK AT THIS PLAY, as we take a break from this action:

When the tables combined to 3 tables...and on the first hand...I was in the BB....with 5k...and the blinds 2/4k. Yeah...I was 1k behind...and clearly NOT folding to any raise. This clown raises...MIN raises...to 8k....UTG....KNOWING he will have to show....with 9-7 offsuit! The guy behind him goes all in for about 20k. Well I have to call...I have J-3...which has been my lucky hand the last couple days...and this guy folds...and folds FACE UP! So not only does he cake off 8k in chips there with a retarded play...but he then subsequently destroys his table image by SHOWING EVERYONE what he was min-raising with!!!! The all in guy had AQ. I would hit a 3 and triple up. Two 7s came out too....so moron would have won.

So back to the action...this same guy...calls my all in...then when J.C. (Asian kid, good player, and really nice guy as well) goes all in for about 30k more.....dude calls. With 66. Nice call sir. J.C. has AK. I have that feeling that I KNOW a 6 is coming...and BOOM...there it is, right in the window. Unreal. I'm drawing to one out. It doesnt come. And I am out.

It's 4pm. The next Mega, a $340, starts at 5. Me and another player decide to go get sushi. Tien (at IP) and Jia at the Beau both don't open until 5, but Chef Scott's in Ocean Springs is open. We race over there. But there is a Street Festival going on, which happens only once a year, of course! All the streets are blocked off. So we park and walk about half a mile. It was worth it. The sushi was killer! We actually get back to the IP by 5:15. Shocker. I buy in to the mega.

It was one of those where I never got a lot of chips, but was never really short. This was the one I really wanted to win. But alas, it would not pan out. Guy shoved all in on the button against my BB and I looked at AK. I would miss everything and his JJ held. Then after flopping top pair on a 4 player scenario...being relatively short...and being first to act, I moved all in and hoped no one had a bigger Q in their hand. No such luck. Bigger Q on Player #4....and I was knocked out. Dammit.

So time to play the 8pm Psycho Fest. About 106 players showed up. I was now drinking beer. I had a great table. We were all having a lot of fun, talking about everything and anything. Had the table laughing a lot. Meanwhile, I was managing to slowly accumulate a decent amount of chips. But then the structure went to hell. Im sitting there with 6500 chips and the blinds are now 600/1200. Almost no one at my table had over 7k. It was going to get ugly. So in middle position I get QcJc and think, "hmmm..Kristen Derfendorf is in the BB...she knows I only raise with decent hands...I probably need to play this" and so I do...but my only real play with that chip stack is to shove....so I shove. And to my astonishment, the guy next to me wakes up with AK. Of course he does.

The flop brings nothing for either of us. The turn though gives me a straight draw...so now I have about 11 outs going to the river...but do I hit any of them? Why would I? I shake the guy's hand...tell everyone good luck...tell 'em how much fun I had...and say goodbye. Let a few people know they most likely won't be seeing me in the Main Event...since I can't see dropping $3k of our bankroll into an event that will struggle to get 60 players. That money would be better served buying into 5 or 6 events next week at Venetian, where every 1st place finish will pay over $40,000. So while I hate NOT playing the Main Event...a lot of players are sharing the same exact sentiment as mine. I will call over there around noon, just in case...and see how many are registered. If by some miracle there are over 100, I will think about it. But I am about 97% expecting there to be well under 75. Anything under 60 players and you aren't even earning any POY points should you make the Final Table...and that is simply unacceptable.

So, what did I do next? I made my way to the cash room. After trying unsuccessfully to get a 1/2 PLO game going...we FINALLY succeed...and this time...we have too MANY players. And the one guy who was trying to help me get the game going...gets frozen out! After 20 minutes of argueing, we finally get the guy a seat, and its on! I buy in for $450...and within an hour I am sitting on 1300 in $100 bills and 700 in chips. Yeah...up over $1500 just like that! God, this is THE game. We were playing HI/LO for one orbit...then switching to HI only...which I am not real fond of...but seem to be finding that people will get their whole stack in with not much in their hands. I had one hand were I flopped top set of queens...but saw an obvious flush draw there...with two players betting it HARD! Real hard...like...pot, pot, potting it and me stressing the turn and the river...hoping to fill up. But they would both brick and I dragged a HUGE pot!

Well, the next half hour started going pretty shitty. Guys getting it in really bad...me raising with great starting hands...flopping good, but then watching disatrous turn and/or river cards hit...and having to fold after sticking 100 to 300 in the pot. One guy in particular I was just ready to kill. I was literally staring at him for over 15 minutes after he needled me by showing me two of his 4 cards after I folded on the river...knowing he had knifed me in the heart with a river flush...but showing me 2 insignificant cards...just to piss me off. I sat glaring at him...not saying anything....then telling him I was thinking of various methods to dispose of his body. I think I finally, at one point...made him a little frightened. But whatever...he continued to suck out on people. This old guy...who had a shit load of money on the table...who I had already taken for about $600 myself...and was with this woman who was...well, can't really even figure out what the relationship there was.

She was about 40 I would say. Tall, long legs...and wearing shorts. But she had that 'condition' we are all familiar with. Where she sits on a chair with her legs crossed, and the cheese is all up the back of her leg...nasty. And she was sporting a very awful boob job. Its like...I guess if you were in one of those truck stop casinos somewhere in the swampy outposts of Louisiana, you might see this couple there...playing the local bigshot role. Never could figure them out. But the guy seemed to be cool enough...didn't say much. But on this one particular hand...he was holding KQxx...the flop comes AJ10. A shit load of money goes in...and we all KNOW that the 'good guy' has KQ...but dipshit in the multi-colored shirt is so enamored with his obvious set that he simply wont fold...and when over 2000 of each guys money gets into the pot...and an ace hits the river...the cigar chomping cowboy almost threw up when asshole over there turns over AAxx...for the boat. The whole table just groaned...as we all had taken to hating this guy.

I lose a couple more pots to the fucker...and finally...as my stack is now down to $1500 decide that stopping right then and there...putting my feelings of homicidal rage towards this guy on the back burner...and leaving with a $1000 profit is probably the best way to go on this one. See? I am getting better at this cash game bullshit. Take the profit Monkey, take the profit. Screw this clown. He is just THAT guy...who know matter what you do, you just CANT seem to beat. I was proud of myself for  leaving. Even prouder for not creating a scene at the table. Nope...I've gotten much more controlled. But I'm telling ya, all these Vince Flynn books I'm reading? With Mitch Rapp running around the world capturing, torturing, and killing terrorists? Its warping my mind I think. It has to be...since this guy in the 7 seat went from being 'guy in ridiculous multi-colored shirt' to Abu Malik Muhammed, world reknowned terrorist...who needs to be shot in both knees...then pumped full of Sodium Pentanol and forced to tell me what he's holding in his hand!!!!!

Phwwweeewwww! Okay then. Its almost time for kickoff...with some big games coming up. What a day in college football yesterday! Holy smoke! I know I know....all you LSU fans are up in arms and PISSED about that blown call by the ref yesterday in the Bama game...but hey! What can you do? You all have gotten your fair share of calls go your way too. Regardless, it was a great game. Lots of upsets yesterday too. I don't think anyone really knows who the best team in the nation is this year...its pretty wide open. Kind of what makes it so exciting. But come Tuesday, when I pull outa dodge and make my way to Vegas, I will have some kind of new color scheme!!!!!!

MONKEY