The Donkey Stable

MONKEY'S DONKEY STABLE

Hi. My name Is Monkey. I am NOT a farmer. But I did spend some time in Montana as a kid. So I know what they look like. I am real good at keeping a barn clean and organized, and know how to feed the animals. That little 'philly' on my right is a little Alabama Hillbilly named 'Squirrel'...she is a lot of fun, but isn't much for long walks in the rain. In this photo we are both enjoying a delicious Absolute Mandarin and Red Bull, which we break down and drink maybe twice a year! (hahaha) In our spare time, okay...ALL OF MY TIME, some of her time...we like to dabble in Texas Hold 'em, a fun little poker game, which features some really GOOD players...and some NOT SO GOOD players.

As a service to my fellow players, some of whom are very 'good' I would like to let you take a peek inside of my barn, Monkey's Barn...to see a few donkey's that you might just want to avoid in upcoming events! I hope you enjoy!!!!

WE WILL START WITH THE
TUNICA STABLE.......

coming later, we will feature the BILOXI STABLE, to be followed by the NEW ORLEANS STABLE...and then the GLOBAL WORLDWIDE VEGAS STABLE...we will probably be needing a NEW BARN by then, maybe BARACK OBAMA can pass a bill in Congress to build us something that will fit all of these wonderful players in!!!!

HERE HE IS. Now it is tough to just call David "Freddy" Kruger a donkey, because pure and simple...he ISNT. The fact that this picture is blurry, is perfect, because when you are having a nightmare at night...isn't this REALLY how it would come to you? He won two events in Tunica, including the Main Event. He has a very fun personality. He is tough NOT to like. But to play against? He is a total freaking nightmare. He will hold you down, he will pull out the razor-sharp knife fingers, and he will destroy your hopes and dreams with hands like 22 vs your KK, with 46c vs. your AA. Prepare yourself for a very long, miserable day if you draw him at your table. If you raise early, he will make you DECIDE how much you like your hand when he shoves all in on you. I have to (want to) believe that he just ran good in Tunica...and that his reign of terror will soon end, that we will all WAKE up from this Nightmare on EVERY STREET!!!!!

You have heard a LOT about this guy. I started out calling him PSYCHOBOY on my blog, and in fact starting calling him it during our Mega Satellite, which him and I both won. He actually likes it I think. I found something in common with him, we are both kind of nuts! I actually got him to smile. I think he is warming up to me, as I am to him. He's not a bad guy, and actually, he ISNT a donkey, well not TOTALLY. He will, however go on tilt, at the drop of a hat. If he is card dead for more than three orbits, he will start to berate the dealer, throwing his cards. Calling clock on any player after mere seconds if he starts getting low on chips. HE FREAKS OUT! He can often be heard mumbling under his breath, no one at the table can every hear him, thus, everyone is kind of afraid of him, similar to that homeless guy outside the grocery store who rambles about things that make you just scratch your head over. Pssst, rumor has it though (from some dealers who had him in the 1 or 10 seat) that some of those ramblings are actually hilarious, so I think maybe I will start liking this guy more and more in the future. Jury is still out!

This clown...was the ONE guy who almost made me do something to get kicked out of the GoldStrike. Yes, that is a peach melba hat and a badly pressed Polo shirt. Great poker gear, goes well with his great poker game. (picture me placing finger down throat here) In a Mega, this guy liked to raise EVERY time more than one person limped in. And he didn't just raise, he OVER raised. I laid down the winner twice. On those two occasions he produced 4-8h, and 6-7d. I finally decided to call his move with KQ. Along with another donkey...who had busted my QQ with 3-4off a few hands prior. The flop came out....oh, just 9-10-J, rainbow. Only the nuts. At the time. Super Donk had AQ. Okay, this time he HAD an actual reason for raising preflop. and okay, he WAS open ended on the flop with an over. But this next move should firmly mark him for MONKEY BARN-ness. He leads out for 500...into a 2000 chip pot. The guy behind me, who claims he had QQ (find that pretty hard to believe since BOTH the other Q's were out) raises to 2000. Monkey has 2400 total chips left. I MOVE ALL IN. This clown INSTACALLS! And before the guy behind me can get his chips in (which I thought was an after thought) I announce that I have the nuts and am stopped by the dealer before I can turn over my hand, not realizing the guy behind me might actually fold for another 400 chips. (????) Really? HE DOES FOLD! Wow. Well, our dealer manages to deliver this joker a K on the river for the higher straight. I credit him for his 'excellent play' and he subsequently goes on to tell me how BAD I play, how bad I played THAT hand! (????) What? Then goes on to talk about how much better he is, that I can only hope to be as good as he is. Anyone ever seen this guy at a Final Table? ANYONE? All I hear is crickets and the occasional coyote howling. Oh, incidentally, this was a two table Satellite. This joke didn't even make it down to ONE table. Yeah man...you'z got da skilllllllllz!

Oh this guy. And so many just like him. Sunburn, I'm guessing from the morning session of tilling the crops on the tractor. Hat featuring his favorite race car accessories. This is our favorite kind of Donkey. The one who wakes up in early position with a hand like 88/99/1010 and has NO IDEA what to do with it. In fact, its almost like he is holding a grenade that has a 4 second timer on it. OMG OMG....uhhhh.uhhhhh lets see, I have 2900 chips...the blinds are 100-200....ughhhhhh....OMG OMG...grenade about to blow up.....ahhhhhh I raise!!!! 1700!!!!! Um...gee, and I just happened to look down at QQ. Kind of screws up how I or anyone else is going to play back at him, isnt it? Well, he only has 1200 left, not likely to fold EVEN if an A or a K do hit, are we? Guess we are raising all in here. Guy in BB wakes up with a hand...and literally says "is JJ good here?" to which I reply..."Well, honestly, I kind of think that is what HE has...or tens. So if you have JJ, no, you may be drawing dead!" This information doesn't phase him. In fact, not even sure it registered...cuz dammit, he has 10-10! And it looks good! And it is, as the dealer slides him a 10 on the flop! This was only the hand that stood out. Watch out for this guy! If he has raised first, no one is getting him off a hand. And oh yeah, if you raise UTG with something like AA/KK/QQ/AK/JJ.....it doesn't slow him down from calling on the button with K10/QJ/A10.....doesn't matter! He's in there with anything that looks 'purty!

This guy turned out to be pretty funny. If anyone watches "Yes Dear" which Im pretty sure is on about 8 hrs a day on TBS this guy kind of looks like, and talks JUST LIKE Mr. Savitzki, Greg's boss. Him and I started out on the wrong foot. Big time. Pretty sure he called clock on me first. Then I think there was an attempt to get me penalized for talking too much. He is really not a good player. But I have to admit, he's pretty funny, once he allows himself to 'get in the spirit' of being at Monkey's table! His claim to fame comes on a hand where I had raised early with A9c...not sure why I picked this hand to raise with, but that doesn't really matter, since he thought calling with A6 offsuit was a good hand to play back at me with. When the flop comes 6c-7c-8h...I excitedly announce that I will be "check-raising" and do just that. I check. Two others check...and he bets out 250 (blinds are 25/50). It comes back around to me and I raise it to 750, leaving myself 450 chips left. Everyone folds, but not him...he's all in. The table looks at me like I just got caught! Caught? Yeah...whatever, I Call! He turns over his hand, and I can't lie, I had to laugh. Bottom pair. No re draw. Ace is dead. Wow. Lets see, I had...mmmm...3 nines, 4 fives, 4 tens, 7 other clubs...what's that? 18 outs? Yeah, I like my chances here. I hit none of them, and he has his moment of glory! Well done sir. He would demonstrate on numerous occasions throughout the week that he is a player NOT to TRY to bluff, and NOT to even TRY putting on a hand. But he still has that cool, gravelly voice!

WOW! I can't believe I somehow let this guy fall this far down the page! This is HIM! Without a doubt the HUGEST donkey I saw in Tunica! In fact, if you look REALLY close you can just make out the big long, gray ears pinned behind his head. Only thing about this guy...he could have literally been the President of my Fan Club, if I had one. (I will NEVER have one, BTW) So based on that, I couldn't find it in myself to hate the guy. But hate his game? Oh yeah! The one that made me want to kill him was AQ raise in UTG+1...he calls, like he did about 75% of the time after his luckbox run that had him sitting on a huge stack. FLOP ACE. BET BIG. CALLS. TURN FLUSH DRAW, BET BIGGER, CALLS. RIVERS 7. CHECK because I'm totally confused.

Call his meager bet. He turns over A7. (*!@#(&! Calls decent sized all ins from other players on the table with beauties like A8, A10, K8! That's right...KING 8. Hey, 'It was suited!" Isolating in early middle position when a guy raises half his stack (so obvious he had AA/KK) with a HUGE overbet holding A10....only to double THAT guy up. This guy is TRULY AWFUL! I boldly predicted, when he had enough chips to make the final table if he didn't play another hand (this was in the $550 tourney BTW) that he would not only NOT make the Final Table, but he wouldn't even cash! Paying 18, I went out 36th, he went out 44th. Unreal.

I would have paid $1000 to trade stacks with him. If he works for a demolition company, its perfectly fitting because I have never seen any ONE person blow up a stack like this guy. In between hands he was running over to the bulletin board that had all of the weeks winners photos posted. You know how those guys who have never had a ton of chips act and talk when they do? He was this guy. And he was right in my left ear. And my iPod was dead! A bad beat for sure! I know we are going to see this guy in Biloxi. My advice? Gamble early on a shot to whack this guy. YOU DO NOT WANT HIM HAVING CHIPS!!!!!! Because as he told me on numerous occassions "I dont care, I just came to gamble!" We LOVE that guy, don't we?

MAIN EVENT. Not sure how this guy got in. $2600 donation. My first table, total nightmare.Ton of quality hands. Very few wins. But the most frustrating loss came at the hands of this guy. And maybe the funniest moment of the tourney. I was doing something I do a lot of in Main Events, I was charting all my hands that I was playing. In my Black Book. This guy would raise, no no..check that, he would MIN RAISE. UGhhhhh. For what would be about the fifth time already. And he was rarely showing down much when he did that, so when I saw AQ suited I felt like I could take a shot at him. We get heads up. The flop comes Q-9-7, rainbow. A pretty good flop for me. He checks to me, and I bet about 3/4th of the pot. Now, me...I think if I am holding KJ there I probably fold my GUTSHOT. Oh..with an over. But...maybe I play way too tight. Not this guy. CALL! Next card out is a K. Of course. He checks? Yeah. Which freezes me. I check. River is a blank. He checks AGAIN! I mean...what is he calling 3/4 of the pot with if he isn't willing to bet it when he DOES hit it? I'm not touching that river. I check. I get the bad news, and there goes another large chunk of my stack. When I go to write in my book, he asks "Hey Monkey, do you write down the names of all the Donkeys who suck out on you in your book!?" I don't respond while I am writing because that is just how I am...one thing at a time please. But upon completion, I reply "No sir, I don't, but I do take their picture and put them on my Website!" To which the whole table erupted in laughter! He took it like a good sport. Hope he likes seeing himself on here, too!

I wish I had a better picture of this guy. But if you look to his right here, you will see our Favorite Nightmare, that is Mr. Kruger himself, and this is from the 2nd chance tourney that I should have won, but alas, got coolered in. This guy, who looks, well...I'm not going to go there, lets just say, if you asked someone you knew to have a third grade education to work out a calculus equation, that facial expression that they would hit you with, is pretty much the look this guy has on his face at all times. And you get into enough hands with him, and you start thinking that maybe calculus equations are way, way far up the totem pole in things necessary to bring about that look of confusion. All week long, whether it was tourneys or SNGs this guy was one of my worst nightmares. He is just BAD! Any Two Cards are his motto. My favorite hand against this guy goes like this. I get in on the button for 100 with K10c....yeah yeah the hand I hate the most. Whatever. It was cheap and there were six callers. So with a pot of 600, the flop comes K-8-2...one...that's ONE...heart. He bets out 200. Yeah. TWO HUNDRED! Everyone folds to me. I raise it to 800. He calls. Turn is the 10 of hearts. He bets...oh yeah...200 again. And based on what I have seen all week, I know he is betting a weak King. So now, with two pair...and not really worried about him having, say 888, or 222...I make it 2000! Oh, he calls. The river? The 4 of hearts. NOW HE CHECKS? CHECK? I am either going to win a nice pot here, or I am going to elect NOT TO LOSE any more. I have ZERO bet equity on the river. I check. He turns over.....K5 of hearts....for the runner runner flush! I go on super tilt for the next half hour...running my stack back up to over 7k before they mercifully break our table! But they bring him to my new table, where I watch him get abused for an hour before finally busting. This guy is maybe one of the most horrendous players in the Tunica Stable, I wouldn't even worry about feeding him. Maybe we will get lucky, and on the first stormy night he will break free and run away!

NOW OCCASSIONALLY I WILL ALLOW MY FELLOW PLAYERS TO NOMINATE PLAYERS THAT THEY FEEL NEED TO BE IN MONKEY'S BARN! I may not have any knowledge of them, or played with them at any time...but if I trust the game of the player telling me about them, and the story sounds legit, and quite possibly is even VERIFIED by the ACCUSED, then and only then will they be considered for their own stall! Case in point, the two following players.

Now this guy...basically owned up to his moronic play. And he was cool in doing so, so while I may NEVER want to see this joker at my table in a poker game, I would probably be okay with sharing a drink or a shot with him...though I doubt very seriously that it will be a Final Table Snap Monkey or even an 'In The Money Red Snapper!' He was seen sitting on a very large pile of chips in the $330 that I would eventually cash, and that he would not. How did he get there? With this beautiful play. Blinds 50/100. Limp. Limp. Limp. Limp. Memphis jersey guy makes it 1100 on the button. Okay, your classic squeeze play. He is holding 78off. So far, this story is okay. This is where it gets a little nuts. Fold, Fold, original limper makes it...ahem, FIVE THOUSAND! BTW, this was the deepstack tourney, where we started with 10k. Fold, Fold, Fold...and a SMOOTH CALL! By our hero up there. The flop comes 3-7-8. First guy (holding KK) goes ALL IN. Our boy calls, of course...and it holds, Ship him 12K. This type of play was overly prevalent all week in Tunica. Welcome to the Barn, sir!

This guy would actually get very deep in one of the $330's I cashed. I was told about this story...AFTER I had actually witnessed it. So it really didn't require any confirmation. This guy, in a AUBURN HAT ( I already know Squirrel hates him now!) was the master of the resteal. He had pulled the move numerous times. But this time, he runs into...TIGHTEST GUY AT THE TABLE...and oh yeah...he wasn't exactly RESTEALING. This was just a STUPID ASS PLAY that just happened to work out wonderfully for him. With the blinds at 500/1000 and about 2 or 3 from the money...he limps in for 1000. It folds all the way around to the old guy in the BB who is sitting on QQ. Well, he probably is thinking that raising to 3 or 4k will just entice this guy to re-pop him to about 12K...which will mean he is married to the hand, as he is sitting on 22K. So what does he do? He takes the easy way out, and raises to a whopping 16k! Wow, talk about being afraid of a flop! Not that I dont understand...what with the way I run with QQ, that and players like this who never fold. Seems like a good time to just take down a 3000+ pot close to the money. Hold up...the 16K raise is met by a SMOOTH CALL by Auburn Hat guy! Granted, he has a lot of chips...but not THAT many, we will call it 55K. So he flats a third of his stack with 55. Good play. Looks genius though when the flop rolls out 2-5-J and the old guy moves all in. It holds, and the old man misses the money, and this guy picks up a monster pot! Sickening. Bad play rewarded once more by the Poker Gods. So...if you see this guy....tread lightly!


I had a few other pictures, but after thinking back on them and their antics, I just don't think they warrant inclusion. I have also taken some hits from some of my readers who have taken me to task for the way I have been playing some of my hands of late. Big Slam #1 was how I played my 10 BB stack....raising big and leaving little behind. I know most of you +EV players all play their 10 BB hands about the same. That is where we differ. We can agree to disagree. I will say this, I find the ALL IN (especially on my button) to be a tremendously weak play, and I am a lot more tempted to call an ALL IN than I am a strong raise, especially when they leave a small amount behind. It's a play I have had a lot of success with. That and the way it is verbally presented results in about a 90% walk rate. So again, you guys can dish on it all you want. If you are at my table...and its late, and you JAM your 10 BB stack into me in the BB and I have at least 25BBs in my stack...and I look down at ANY HAND in the TOP 40...you are very likely to get a call. You all think I am so ULTRA TIGHT! Don't you? Well, find out JUST HOW TIGHT I AM next week and try shoving on me. I am ready to start giving you guys your just rewards! LETS GET IT ON!!!!!!!

MONKEY