MAIN EVENT down to 21, No Monkeys to be seen!

It's Monday.

Buzz Kill Monday.

I am laying in my room...my room that I was supposed to be paying $70 a night for. Went to check out, was presented a bill for $1753. Reached for heart pills. After a lenthy negotiation with the assistant manager, and pending discussions with the actual manager who is currently in a meeting, I have agreed to NOT go ballistic on them in this report until everything has been resolved first, so I will refrain. For now.

Simply put, we were granted a complimentary upgrade to a 2-br suite, at the same cost we were paying (the poker rate). We were not told we would be charged for both rooms (which are adjoining). After Brandon left on Wednesday I would have immediately had them check that one out if I had known that. Even funnier I was charged for movies that had time codes on them from when I was IN THE POKER TOURNEY! Wow, I have a ghost in my room watching porn. They called it a 'glitch' in their system. I'm going with ghost!

Well, lets hope it all works out. I have faith in the good folks at MGM Goldstrike. Maybe Ken Lambert and Beth Blevins will take pity on my soul and work it down to a number that allows me to sleep tonight when I get home! I played in EVERY tourney up here, about half of the 2nd chances, and about 40 SNGs! I think the juice I paid about covers my whole room charge! However, we poker players just don't command the same kind of respect/regard when it comes to getting our rooms comped like those $100 a hand blackjack players, or the big craps players. Look, I'm okay with that! I pride myself on my ability to 'fade' those money pits! And when I DO win a big tourney, I always take care of the floor staff and poker dealers, and don't say BOO! about my room charge. But after a trip like this, where I got hunted down, and SNIPED by the local Donkey Assassins, I would like to apply for some room relief! At least in Biloxi I will have all the niceties of home...a true homecourt advantage!

Well, I am ready to get out of here. Nothing has died yet. The dogs are in good health. Squirrel is headed over to Pensacola with her brother, his wife and their nephews for a couple days. My backer hasnt fired me. My Mom and Dad still love me (I think).

It's always kind of sad on getaway day. You see all the players in the lobby, most with glum looks on their faces. Tournies are like a convention. Everyone converges, we have our fun, we take our shots, we make our presentations (me mostly!) to the masses, then we leave...until we see each other again at the next venue.

Yesterday was a nightmare. BJ McBrayer thought the tourney started at noon, not 2...so he needed a place to chill for a couple hours. So he came up here. I end up getting him at my table. Not cool. I had three very tough players, three nobody's and three total jackasses. Nice combo. We started with 10K in chips and 117 players, a HUGE field. (drip drip) In the first two levels, I literally had 17 good/decent/great hands. I know because I was writing them down, complete with the results of each. I could list them all but why bother? 10-10 twice. AK/AQ/AJ/A10d/KQ/KJ/K10c/22 THREE TIMES/77.....out of those 17 hands...I won TWO POTS! TWO! It was a complete trainwreck. I was on the verge of throwing furniture. FINALLY our table breaks.

I draw table 30....seat 6...my favorite seat. As I come up on the table...there is my buddy, DAVID KRUGER...who I have now labeled with the nickname of "Freddy Kruger...a NIGHTMARE on EVERY STREET!" The table howled at that one. It sticks. Everyone is now calling him Freddy. And he IS a nightmare, on EVERY street, the FLOP, THE TURN and THE RIVER. He sees me and greets me with "Hey Monkey, come to give me your chips!?" To which I groan and respond...."Probably, but I dont have much to give you...so you might want to wait for me to double a couple times first." To which he agrees would be a good idea. Isn't it funny sometimes just how prophetic things can play out?

On literally the FIRST hand I play, I pick up KK. Kruger limps for 100. I limp behind him. Another limper...and sitting on the BB and raising to 750 is my buddy/roomie/fellow blogger Kai Landry, who I also have a 10% 'save' share with. Another awkward/uncomfortable arrangement. Wishing like hell he isnt at my table. Well our John Deere hat wearing, tractor driving, any two cards are good playing friend calls the 750. I hope you all know what I did here. I would assume you all know by now that 2150 chips went into the center of the arena...hoping to be joined by 2150 more from Donkey Boy back there. Kai folded immediately (told me later he had JJ, I don't doubt that at all). The 2150 I was waiting on failed to show up to meet my friends. Dammit. But I did pick up 1600 in a virtual double up...without having to sweat out another stupid beat at the hands of Knife Fingers over there.

A little while later I will win my biggest hand thus far. Sitting in the SB with 22 (for the 5th time already) The Nightmare limps in for 300 (150/300). I call. The BB makes it 750! No. Well of course "She thinks my Tractor's Sexy" calls. So I think..."hmmm...wonder how many times I can catch 22 without flopping a set?" I ask Tamara (Big & Tasty to those of you who know her...and that is NOT from personal experience) if she is going to 'bring it' for me one time. I am pretty sure I caught her wink at me. So I called. Flop comes..............A-10-2! Rainbow. I check. BB bets out 1200. John Deere folds. I raise to 2500. He puts me all in with his AK. I fade the necessary suckout required to lose and now am up over 13K. Wow, maybe I actually have a chance to win this thing now.

I later limp in behind Freddy with AK. We get 6 calls. No one will raise him without AA/KK/QQ....they know its a bad play. Better to flop perfect, perfect and let him pay you off, or suck out on you and make you want to cry. Or kill yourself, if you are off of your meds.

I flop a nice little gutshot with overs. Q-10-7. Our boy bets. I call. Everyone else folds. Turn is a brick. He checks now. Now against MOST players I would bet half the pot here and take it down. Not against this guy. NO WAY. I check behind. River? J. Sweet. I immediately say "you got me" which cues him to bet out 1000. I min raise to 2000 and he pays me off. Touche! Up to 16K.

Then I may or may NOT have misplayed this hand. Kai raises to 700. Kruger calls the 700. I look down at JJ in the BB. Kai said he had AK. Kruger claims to have had ...ya ready? 3-9. I think its bullshit. The flop comes out 3-5-9...two spades. I lead out for 1500. Kai mucks. Everyone's favorite teenage mutilator looks at me, tells me to 'get outa my pot Monkey' and goes all in. Yeah. ALL IN! Then looks at me, saying..."whatya got? 10's or J's?" which...yeah! Is what I got! So this is where poker is tricky. But poker against a psycho? Even trickier. Is he telling me that because that is what he HOPES I DONT HAVE? He is bouncing that signal off me to see how I respond? I mean...if I am right, and I call...I might double up to over 35K...and cripple that nemesis. If I am wrong, I am OUT. Had I just SHOVED all in FIRST...it would have taken away his position entirely. I just dont know what to do. I finally fold. And I think I hate that fold.

We almost lose him. Our #2 seat, who mixed it up with Tractor Fun several times....almost had him out the door. He held KK. He raised UTG. Zippy calls him with A3d. You heard me. The flop came 7 high, but with 2 diamonds. 2-seat bets out pretty large. Our boy calls of course. The turn is a blank. 2-seat does the right thing and moves all in. Tractor tanks...for a good while...and finally calls, asking the dealer for an Ace or a diamond. Damn ace of clubs on the river. You could feel the entire table sink about 9 inches in their seats. I might have actually slid right onto the floor. Like in that Bugs Bunny episode, where he is flying that plane..and it goes out of control...and as its plummeting to Earth Bugs goes sliding down the seat...remember that one?

This kid in the #1 seat had this thing about raising my BB. The few times he got called by others, we see beauties like A7s, A8h, K10 off, 44....must have been that he just liked stealing my blinds from early position. This information would be instrumental in my eventual demise.

I do manage to make a play against the nemesis that gets the attention of the table. Sitting in the BB with J10c....There is a 4-way limp for 400. I check. The flop comes 10-7-9...two spades. Pretty good flop for me. I am sitting on 11K now. I check with every intention of moving in if Kruger bets it behind three checks. Which is exactly what happens. He bets out 2000. I immediately shove all in. He tanks. Asks if I would like my courtesy double up. I reply "I very much would sir." He folds. And shows, for once. J-10. Nice!

We are now down to 60 players. I have 10k now. Blinds are about to go to 300/600. I need to win a good pot. That little jackass in the 1 seat raises my blinds AGAIN...to 1200. Our friend from Elm Street calls yet again. Now here is my read. Every time this kid raises my blinds...he could have ANYTHING...and NOTHING. He just thinks (I think) that I am an easy mark when it comes to swiping blinds, because I am percieved as very tight. Well, ever since the blinds went to 100/200...whenever Kruger has a REAL hand...he always either raises or just moves all in behind a raiser. He has done it to KAI already, three times. With AK/QQ/and AA. So when he flats it for 1200, and I look down at AQs...I have to THINK I have the best hand. Or at least a hand strong enough to move in and get two folds, while picking up another 3500 chips. I now have the kid covered by about 3000, so even if he does call...and I can get Tractor Tilter to call, I can take a good side pot. Or if #1 calls and Im ahead, and Knucklehead folds, I stand to drag a real nice pot.

I dont take too long (not wanting to give information about my hand by delaying too much) I just ask the kid for a count on his stack, count mine...and move all in. He folds instantly. I KNEW it! Rat thief! Well, Kruger really tanks this one. He has himself convinced that I either have AK or AA. As it turns out, it wouldn't have mattered if I DID have AA. Its 10K for him to call...with him having 35K in his stack. This is where most GOOD players...will fold his hand. But this guy doesn't play by the same rules as most of us. If he has chips, and it won't felt him, he generally calls. And honestly, I think I WANTED him to call, because when he tells me he thinks he might be down to just two outs...I have a strange feeling that he might have AJ or A10...but more likely a small pair. At any rate, I don't really care what happens. I know for sure that my A and my Q are either alive or dominant.

He finally calls. He turns over 10's. Ugh. Not exactly what I wanted to see. I get NOTHING on the flop. Dammit. Nothing on the turn...and he rivers a useless 10 for the set...and I very professionally shake his hand, tell him nice hand...wish the others luck, and walk out the door...where I went to find a chair and cry. Just kidding, I didn't cry. Okay maybe I did. No no, I didn't.

Lurking around in the hallway was Dena and Dave. Before Dave could even get it out of his mouth how bad he wants to kill me I informed him that I already apologized to him in yesterday's blog entry. Then I reinforced it in person. We talked about the situation, shook hands, and now things between us are all good. (I think) He is a good guy, and a good player. It sucks that he didn't play the Main Event. But I know the feeling, only too well. That has been me a lot of times. Its the worst thing in the world when you don't make the Main Event, and you KNOW that you are as good or better than 90% of the field. It's a very empty, lonely feeling looking into that room.

Against my better judgement, and probably only because I have 10% with Kai Landry and Kyle Milam, who are both still in, I decide to stick around and play the $200 Second Chance tourney....which a whopping 24 players decide to play. Lets call it a 3-table SNG. I actually play really well. Make three dead-on reads, where they show me the hand after I call it. Out play two guys who have min-riased my BB. I am kind of cruising right along. I raise 1200 with A-10c. I leave 2200 behind. I elect not to move all in because mainly, I hate that play. Dude in the SB...from Finland, and VERY, VERY loose and crazy like most Scandanavian players (get ready for THOSE guys with the WSOP summer blog reports!) announces "loose call" and does call...to which I announce "I fully expect him to go all in on the flop, whatever it is." The flop comes 10-5-6. To which he responds "You're right...
and moves all in.....I call. He turns over 6-7 offsuit. Turn is a 3, river is a 4....yep...runner runner straight! I am out! Awesome!

Lets go play cash game for the first time on this trip! Why not! Look in my wallet. OMG! I have $100. I refuse to use the ATM machine. I buy in for $100. 2nd hand I get AA. I raise $10. One caller. Flop comes Q-10-7. I check . Guy bets $30. I raise to $60. He goes all in, I call. He has QJ. DOES NOT suck out. Double up. By the end of one hour...I would be sitting on $525. I ran off 6 players. It is as powerful and scary as I have maybe EVER felt in a cash game. Not going to lie, it felt good. BulletProof Monk!

But we know how these stories typically go in my world, dont we? Our table breaks, mostly because they all give up and leave. I am forced to move to a table with 4 drunks, and one old guy who smells so bad, I swear he had a dead animal in his coat pocket. The first two hours are spent getting rivered. Losing 250 of my stack. The next two hours are spent catching no hands, no flops and no luck. The lesbian in the 10 seat is drinking Jagerbombs and playing like she has one day to live and a million dollars to get rid of. I lose another 180 to her when, holding Ac2s...the flop comes 2-5c-4c. Not bad. I bet out. Two callers. She just calls. Turn brings the 2 of clubs. Wow. Trips. Straight draw. Nut flush draw. I bet out 50. Folds to her. She goes all in. I cant fold. I know she has a flush. She has to. But I have....wow, how many outs? 15? Sound about right? Brick the river. She has Qc10c. I'm broke. Visit the machine that always wins. Take out my first Tunica withdrawal. Buy in for $200 more. Cash out three hours later with $200. I lost $100 on the night. But oh what might have been. Leave with $550? Nawww...I just couldn't do THAT, could I!??? Oh...incidentally, drunk lesbo would eventually implode, turning $900+ chips into $0 in about one hour. Her Waterloo comes on this beauty.

Ugly, short, big glasses-wearing Asian guy (who is Gawd Awful) likes to min raise behind raisers, a great play...especially when he gives up on the hand after he misses the flop. So UTG makes it $15. Gets two calls. Ramen Noodle Brain makes it $30. EVERRRRRY one calls, including Jager Bomb Baby. Here is our flop. Qc-10s-9c. Its five way action. Lets make it simple. THEY ALL GET IT ALL IN ON THAT FLOP. The guy to my left has Q-10. And on that board thinks its worth $450! The scrawny lesbian is holding (I'm not kidding here) 7-8, no flush draw. And Kid Rising Sun has AcKc...clearly a good flop for him. Oh...the box-cutter has put in her last $550 chips on this flop. Turn is a J...which causes her to slam the table and celebrate. River is a 4. She is reaching for the chips when someone has to explain to her that an A-high straight beats a J-high straight. Oh...if only they could ALL be this bad. Oh wait, I'm in Tunica arent I? Yeah....they ARE...for the most part. Where do these people get their money? That is my real question? Do they grow it? Like they do Cotton?

My last hand at the cash game ends in very poetic fashion. And so fitting. I raise on the button with 99. Kid in the BB, who follows and hounds me all the way to the elevator after we all cash out...calls me (fair enough) wiht J10 offsuit (Squirrel's favorite hand). The flop comes 4-7-8...a very good flop for his hand. (????) He has $58 chips left. I bet $30. "I'll go all in" Well, alright man...I just have nines, I tell him. "You're good" Oh lord...I fully expect to see me hit a set and give him a gutshot straight, like everyone else in this place seems to catch on me, but instead he keeps it simple and merely rivers a 10. I just shake my head. Tunica.

I go to my room, where Kai and Kyle are both hanging out talking about tomorrow, where Kyle goes back with 21 left. And 3rd in chips. And Kai and I both very excited about the possibility of splitting up 10% of something very decent. Kai gets me to read his last entry of his Main Event story...I do, and am howling. Some of the funniest shit I have ever read. Its so weird, I am reading his story, and its like "This guy has the SAME shit running through his head at the table as I do!" I never, ever thought there was anyone even CLOSE to as mentally deranged as myself. I now know otherwise. Me, Kai and Brandon really are similar in a lot of ways. And throw my boy Allie Prescott in there, and I just dont think ANY of us are capable of functioning in what society would deem as a 'natural workplace.' I don't know, but I think we are all fairly evolved intellectually to a point where we just can't see eye-to-eye with those we come into contact with on a daily basis, so we gravitate to each other for comfort and understanding.

I wake up at noon. I decide to NOT go down and start sweating Kyle for awhile. I always feel very vulture-like when I do that. I think I will go down around 3 or so, and just check on him...maybe find Ken and see if he can help me defray some of the cost of my room. But before I can put that plan into motion...Kyle comes walking through the door, telling me he is out, and how it happened. SHIT! But honestly, after listening to him...and watching his face, I don't even really care about the 10% I missed out on. I'm just bummed for him, because I have been there, and I know how it feels. It sucks. But yeah....10% of 100k would have been nice too. Kyle is a good kid, and a good player. He won an event up here this week for $16k, so he had a good trip. OBVIOUSLY he's a good player, you all think I would have been letting a lousy player shack up in my room and infect us with his DONKNESS? Thats just silly.

Okay...thats it. Tunica is a wrap! Time to get my shit together, get in the car, fire up some Pokerstars...and drive home to see my dogs, play some PS3/XBOX360, mow the lawn...and get ready for Biloxi in 10 days. Ya'all as excited as I am? I am already OVER Tunica!

MONKEY