Let the Main Event begin!!!

Sweeeeeeet!

I don't know what it is with me and last second performances, but I have managed to once again pull one out of my ass!

Fresh off my previous night's bubble in the 2nd chance, I played the noon tourney yesterday, which was a $550. There was a pretty good field of 197, with a first prize of $39,000. They played it all out, so no one would be locked out of todays Main Event. Things started pretty slow. I sat around with about an average stack for the first three levels. I got AA, KK and AK and won with them all, not a lot...but enough to stay healthy. Then I flop a set of 8's and get a little bit.

The other day my glasses either got stolen or lost. Pretty sure of where they fell off my necklace, but of course, getting people to turn in Ray Bans to lost and found is akin to getting someone to turn in someone's wallet containing money. It just doesnt happen. So the last couple days without my glasses I have felt 'naked' while at the table. Tracked down a couple pair of the same shades in Vegas...so went ahead and got them all...they are being sent to my home.

I get moved to a new table, with about 8k. Sitting on my left is a guy who knows ME but I have no clue who he is. He has aparantly gone on some ridiculous run that saw him go from 800 chips to where he now has over 15K. He is catching cards like we all dream about. He is giving me the 'verbal handjob' for about the first hour that I am sitting there. So, to myself, I am thinking "maybe, if I get lucky, this clown won't donk out on me." Well, that was wrong!

This guy goes on to make some of THE STUPIDEST plays I have EVER witnessed in a poker tourney, ANYWHERE! Here are a couple of his beautiful plays.

- Short stack goes all in in 3rd position for 2100 with the blinds at 200/400. Genius picks up A10 in 5th position, he is now sitting on 35K or so. A10 offsuit. With 5 still to act behind him...he raises it 5K. Yeah. No one calls. All in guy has AK. It holds. He says to me "I just wanted everyone else out...figured I had the best hand." What a clown. Yeah, when someone downstream wakes up with a REAL hand you will find out just how clever that raise was!

-This one is my favorite. Fairly tight player limps UTG (150/300) with AA. This older guy, who had played pretty well all game calls, holding 109...then our hero raises it to 1100. He is holding K8d. Thats right. It gets better. Back to UTG, who raises it to 5k. Yep. FIVE THOUSAND! The first guy CALLS! And then our boy flats the 5K. With, again...K8! Suiiiiiited. The flop comes 10d-7d-7h. AA checks. Good check in my opinion. The old guy with 10-9 moves all in for 7k. I guess if he was going to play that shit, he might as well go broke with it, right? Well the brain surgeon has hit his flush draw...so he just MOVES IN! AA calls, of course. The board bricks out and he takes down a huge pot. Dumb dumb has now donked off half his stack.

- This one he was nice enough to donate me about 6K in chips. I limp with 44 for 300. He limps, along with 5 others. THe flop comes Ah-4c-Qd. Nice. No one bets, I check too. Damn. Turn is the 6c. First guy bets 700. I raise to 2200. Knucklehead calls. First guy folds. What does this clown have this time? He says he had a club draw AND a straight draw. The river is the A of hearts...blank. I bet 750, he folds. Whew.....donkey!

- This one makes me want to kill him. By the way, I DID manage to take a picture of this joker! I am UTG with AQs, and the blinds 150/300. I have started raising more than usual because of this moron. I raise to 1400. He calls. Ugh. Here we go again. The flop comes Ah-8s-10h. I bet out 1800. He calls. Hmmm. Turn is the 3s...giving me top pair, good kicker with a nut flush draw. I bet 3500 now. He calls again! WTF!?? River is the 7 of diamonds. I am now beyond frustrated and have no idea where he, or I am....I decide to just check call. He bets 500. 500??? Whatever man, I call. What does he have? ACE SEVEN OFFSUIT! Yeah. Anyone got a gun? So for about an hour I go into Silent Monkey I Want To Kill You mode!

- I am being a total dick to this guy. He tries to apologize for that last play. I don't want to hear it. Tells me "Its just poker man, I'm just gambling." To which I tell him, "Dude, thats NOT poker. It is GAMBLING...and I'm sorry, but I am a poker player, this is what I do for a living, so when I get beat, I like to lose to someone who is playing a quality hand and just either out plays me or outflops me. That doesnt bother me, but the way you play, dude....you might as well not even look at your fucking cards!"

He goes on to play about every hand. Raising incredibly stupid amounts preflop and showing junk hands. He calls guys' all ins with shit like A8off, K10off...and wins some, loses most. Someone says to me, when he was away from the table "Monkey ya think this guy is going to win the tourney? I think he does, he is up there looking at the bulletin board with the pictures...making room for his mug shot!" To which I reply..."mark my words, not only will this guy not win, not only will he not make the final table, I predict he wont even cash!" Another incredibly bold prediction by Senor Monkey that would come true.

Our table finally breaks. I move to a new table with only about 8k and needing a double up very badly. We are down to about 48 now, I have a shot but I NEED to pick up some hands. I get 99 and raise with no action behind and take down the blinds. But then I go through two damn dealers without getting ANYTHING playable. We go to dinner break with 36 left, paying 18. I have a whopping 5800 chips. Blinds are 600/1200 when we come back.

I look over to see bozo busting out. Too funny. On about the fourth hand back I get 10-10. Uh oh. Deja Vu! I move all in and no one calls. Probably good. Win a 3600 pot. Then I get a walk in the BB. Nice. Now I am over 10K...but still needing to win a big pot to have a decent chance.

With 33 left, I am in the SB with 66. Old guy from middle position puts 2 yellow chips out there. It was a call. But no one knew he was trying to raise. Might have affected how I played this hand. If I had known he was raising I would probably have just completed the call. But the button also calls for 1200, and I saw a really nice opportunity to pick up a 6000 chip pot there without seeing a flop. I move all in from the SB with the sixes. Old man insta-calls. He has AA! Oh nooooooo. I do not improve. I am left with 1500 chips. Dammit. I wait for two or three hands before I pick up 89 suited. Figure thats as good as any to get it in with, hoping they would be live. I move it in and David ("Lefty") re-raises to isolate and I am up against his....drum roll please....KING TEN. Always K10 isnt it? Nothing hits for either one of us on the board, and I am out. Damn. It's now 7:45pm.

Starting in 15 minutes is the $300 Mega Satellite. I get in. I have a pretty good starting table. Fairly early I riase 150 with 55. I get 3 calls. Flop comes A-5-10, two hearts. Lady bets 250, dude behind calls, and calls FAST..hmmm...feels like 'ol dude there has a flush draw. I think I raise too much here. I raise to 1500. She folds (AQ) and he calls. Lovely. The turn is the Qc and she jumps up and reacts like she had KJ. Whewww..I think, but when she tells me later she had AQ I realize I could have stacked her. This time I bet 2200. He goes all in. He has Q8h....so he picked up the Q to go with his flush draw. I hit quad 5's on the river to zap him. Nice.

I sit around and dont do much for an hour or so. Lose some, win some..stay around ten k. Then it happens. Guy on my right min riases from 150/300 to 600. Hmmm...min raise? I have those troublesome 10's again. I call the min raise. No one else does. The flop comes 7 high. He bets 400. FOUR HUNDRED? What is THAT? Taking a stab? With nothing? Well, I am either going to be good, or very very bad. I move in for 9500. He calls. He rolls over AA. Oh my god. On the river, I spike a TEN! I nearly felt the guy. Now I have a decent stack.

Cut to the chase here, because I have to get ready for this tourney. We are down to about 12 with 8 winning. Dave, who is married to Dena...has a decent stack. I have about 20K. I've decided 40K will get it done. We sort of agree to try and leave each other alone. Well, I pick up 55 again, in middle position. I need to take down a pot to maintain some momentum. I raise. Well, he calls. And I think, from varying reports that he has AJ. The flop comes Q-J-x. He checks and I move in, and somehow convince him that I have flopped top set. Hell, the only way I could WIN right there was to move in. I had too much invested at that point to give up on it. He demands to see the hand if he folds. Well, okay. I relent. And when he sees it he goes nuts. I know he wants to kill me. I feel bad. I mean, his wife DID just whack me out of a SNG the day before with 79 off when she didnt have to. But this WAS kind of different. I guess in the grand scheme of things, he had NO reason to call me preflop with AJ.

He would end up moving all in with A9c....and his shitty luck would have him run into the BB holding AA. Oh man. He went out 11th. I felt bad for him. I would raise, riase, riase and raise some more and start stacking chips until I was in no danger of NOT winning the thing. With the last person needing to lose, I had Ac2h and the BB had 7k in front of him with the blinds 2k/4k. I took one for the team and limped in. Button did the same. He put his last three in there and we both called. We checked it all the way down. Dude had AA! He flopped the case ace. But the board would bring 4 clubs...and when he thought he had tripled up, I showed him the bad news. Nut flush. We all win! Monkey wins. It was 4am. Yikes.

Me and a few others retreated to Waffle House for a glorious celebratory feast! Got back here and crashed. So...here we go, in the Main Event, with a final Tunica shot at some real money. I hope I can make it happen! But at least I made it, and I'm not in my car driving home all bummed out.

MONKEY