ANOTHER 'CASH' IN TUNICA....served with a dose of INSANITY!

My friends, it is very possible that Poker is going to land me in the funny farm.

In the two days that have gone by since my last post, there have been enough 'episodes' to qualify me for some serious mental evaluation.

I have some exciting news. There will be a new feature coming soon to the Monkey Blog. I have been hard at work at developing the content the last two days. Trust me, it hasnt been very difficult. Coming soon will be a new feature called "MONKEY'S BARN" and in this will be several stables, as all barns have. In our first segment I will feature Monkey's Barn-Tunica Stable. That stable is about full. Snap shots of said Donkey, and all of his/her qualifications that have earned them a place in Monkey's Barn. It should be very interesting, but more importantly, it should provide you, my valued reader, with INCREDIBLY important information about these jokers that should aid and/or assist you in your attempts to dodge these morons! Watch for it in the next couple days.

I simply don't have time to do it right now, as it is 11:17am, and I only have about 15 minutes to fire off an update before having to play at noon. I fell asleep around 1 a.m. last night...yeah, 8+ hours of sleep, unheard of for me!

Wednesday was one of those days where you wish you had stayed in bed. I mean, it was the WORST. I was going to write about it, then I thought "You know, sometimes...when I have one of those days, it is often times followed up by one of those amazing days, where everything goes right, and I make the final table and/or WIN" So I held off, in hopes that this would be the case. I try hard NOT to come off TOO negative in these reports. Sometimes, though...ya just can't help it!

Wednesday? Noon tourney. One of those days where NOTHING went right. I make a flush on the turn. The other guy rivers a boat. I flop a set, opponent turns a straight. Put a guy on AK...I have 55...flop comes 3-4-6 all hearts. I have a straight draw AND straight flush draw...and think he has AK when he has KK. Still.....im almost a favorite to win there. I go blank-blank and am out of that one. I play the 4pm Mega Satellite. Havent played a SINGLE hand when at 25/50 I raise 250 with QQ behind two limpers. They both call (of course) and the flop comes 567. Never easy. The first guy checks. I bet 750. Next guy goes all in. First checker goes all in. MERCY. I fold face up. First guy has 777, okay I can accept that one. The next guy? THREE FOUR offsuit! Yeah. Called 250 with THAT. And flops the bottom straight. Took his snapshot! My out hand? Another fool who has been raising in late position EVERY time there are limpers...and with every range of hands...does it again. I have KQ suited and am NOT folding to this clown, especially since 2-3 boy has called.

You might like this flop. J-10-9, rainbow. MMMmmmmmhhhmmmmmm. Dillaird bets out 500. 2-3 Dodo makes it 2000. I move all in for 2400. Other guy BEATS me in there with an all in. I think the other guy has already called, thinknig that he is pot committed, and I utter (before I turn over my cards) "Well, I have the nuts...not sure how I'm losing THIS one" and the 2-3 donkey freezes...and finally decides to fold, for another 400! He tries to accuse me of unethical play. Huh? Exactly what he was driving at, I have no idea. Yeah...its pretty unethical when you screw up and let a guy SAVE his money. A guy I wanted nothing more than to get ALL his chips! Well, our buddy down there has AQ. Heather is dealing. She does the right thing...for him. She gives him the ONLY card in the deck that can beat me...a K (2 outer) for the miracle gut shot on the river. Awesome. I am out. But the best part was me getting to hear this guy brow beat me and tell me how bad I played. ???????????? It took all I could muster not to start repeatedly punching this guy. I have his picture.

I play two SNGs and finish 4th and 3rd. Sweet. No money. Decide to play the 7pm Second Chance. Start decent. Then get moved to another table, one that has the crazy John Deere hat-wearing, call ANYTHING with ANYTHING guy who WON the tourney the day before. Great! After I lose two pots in ways you can only imagine losing ONLINE...I go crazy. I turn it into a shove fest. I manage to use that NUTSO style to chip back up to over 7K...and then get moved to another table. I go back to playing normal. Then I start looking like I just might win this thing. We get down to two tables. Then IT HAPPENS! Dude who has raised my BB...I think...EVERY time he has had the chance...MIN RAISES me (600 to 1200). I look at 10h-7h and of course, make the call.

Flop comes 10-7-2. YAHTZEE! I thought! I check. He bets 2000. I make it 6000. He looks at me...kind of bizaare, then goes all in. I put him on an over pair...and move all in. He insta-calls and turns over 222. OMG! Wowwwww......I am out!

I retreat to my room, DONE with poker for the day. And about to break furniture. It is now 11:35 a.m.

Yesterday. $340 at noon. Get there 20 minutes late. Try to sit down and have (yet again) a very large guy on my left, who does NOT want to give up an inch. I ask several times for him to move over, and when I do, I get him to move about two inches. (!*&@##&*@!(# I am already having an anxiety attack. I would get an early courtesy double up. 50/100.....4 limpers, and Johnny Aggressive would make it 600 on the button. (his favorite move) The guy next to me (SB) calls! Calls? What is he flatting 600 with? No idea. But I look down at the recently lucky 10-10 and I too call. No other callers. Flop comes J-10-6. Sweet. Guy on my right checks. I of course check also. Button moron checks. Okay, he was CLEARLY making a button steal. Turn is a blank. SB bets out 1000. Button Boy folds. I raise to 2000. He calls. River is a 4. He bets 1500. I raise to 3000. He goes all in, I call. He has KK. Well played sir! If he had re-raised preflop I would have been gone. Thanks!

I sit on that 9k for awhile. Then I pick up 77. I limp. so do 6 others, including the guy next to me with the Rhino leg that continues to impede my free space! The flop comes 7-9-10. Two spades. Kind of a scary flop. So I decide to bet out at it, 900. Rhino Leg calls. Everyone else folds. Turn is....ding ding ding....a ten. This time I check. He bets big. I smooth call. River makes a flush. I move all in like I am 'bluff-stealing' and he calls, holding A10. See ya! And now I have leg room, along with 18K. A while later I get moved to another table.

I sit there for quite awhile, getting no cards. All I remember from that table is that a screw fell out of the bottom of the table and we almost had the damn thing collapse, which would have scattered everyone's chips, which would have resulted in God knows what. I honestly wonder what they would have done. I get away from that table, on the heals of raising with A10, having a guy shove all in, and being priced in to calling with me getting 3 to 1. He had JJ. I flopped an ace and it held for a nice 8K pot.

Get to a new table, and the only ones I recognize are Dena (again) and Mitch...a cool older guy most of you know (wears a cool fedora) who I play against a lot. My first big test comes when a guy who at the time has a lot of chips and has been raising a lot, raises my SB and I look down at AK. Hate this spot. One thing I will NOT allow myself to do is OVERPLAY AK against an opponent who has me covered. Its (in my opinion) a horrible play, one that you see over and over in poker. So I smooth call. Well, Mitch makes what he was hoping would be THE MOVE. And I have seen him do it before, which is what contributed to my doing what I did. He moves all in for 9K and some change. I had already called a 1500 raise. I am getting about 2 to 1 to make this call. But I also will be losing about 60% of my chips if I lose. Only thing is...as I think it out, is that I think I am way ahead. No way he is shoving with anything better than JJ. I finally make the call and Mitch groans...."Ahhhh Monkey, can't you just let me have this one....good call" and he turns over 89s. Ugh, scary. Feel better when a K hits the board. I win, and for the first time have got a LOT of chips.

A bit later, with 35K...I pick up AK and raise to 2400. The guy behind me goes into his whole "I have a big hand" routine...and to make a long story short he ends up shoving all in. Son of bitch! Its 18K to call. Not really wanting to lose half my stack here. I am kind of putting him on JJ/QQ and say as much. He tells me he has better. Doesnt make sense. If he had KK he would have insta shoved. Doenst make sense at all. I finally fold, very reluctantly. He shows me A JACK. ONE. >>>???? No one shows ONE jack if they only have ONE jack...they show them both. Then later on he told Dena he didnt have JJ. Ya no kidding. I completely read this whole thing wrong. I should have called his ass right there...with his AJ/KJ. I had him totally dominated, and would probably have chipped up to over 50K there! DAMMIT!

Dinner break we have 21 left, paying 18. I go take a hot bath. Come back feeling very fresh. I pick up 99 behind a limper. He is an older guy who I know will call any raise I put out there so I reluctantly just call. I get two more calls and the SB completes. An older lady (very nice) who got deep in a tourney at the Harrahs event last month. The lady who reminds me of my tenant in Pensacola, who by the way is moving out next month! I need a new tenant over there! The flop comes A high....ALL spades...but with a NINE. Tricky, very tricky. I decide to check it. I want to try and catch a free card to fill up. Or just NOT see another spade. Its tough to FLOP a flush. Old guy on the button leads out for 5K. The lady goes all in for about 3200. I have a decision. Call, and hope to fill up and get more from this guy who obviously had a weak ace and MAYBE a spade to go with it? Or raise big and get his drawing ass out of there? I do NOT want to go out two from the money. I raise it 15K more. He folds. The lady has K4s. Oh shit. Well, okay...I ask the dealer to pair the board, and she obeys. I win. Nice. More chips. Looking good.

Then...one from the money, it folds around to me in the SB and I look down at AA. Wow, first time all day (never did see KK or QQ or JJ yesterday). I make a good raise (no way I'm getting cute and bubbling) and the BB folds. I show AA. Not much long after that...we lose our 19th player...who bubbles with....ACES! Ouch.

Its Red Snapper time! Start drinking. Start dragging pots. UTG moves all in for 9k. I have 2400 up in the BB. I look at QJc. This guy has been card dead for 7 orbits, so he could have anthing. I make a semi loose call. He has 55. I ask for a Q in the window. I get a Q in the window. Looking good. Raise and win a couple more hands. Now have over 45K. Sweet! We are now down to 12. Looking VERY likely that I will FINALLY be making a Final Table up here.

THEN IT HAPPENS. Aggggggain. George is dealing. You know George. He of the Day 3 punch out in the WSOP Main Event this past year, when I flopped a Q for a set vs. Victor Ramdin's AA...only to see Victor turn an Ace after putting me all on the flop. George is a good guy, very nice. Him and his wife Heather sell candles and other stuff on the side. He sent me and Squirrel a nice package of them awhile back. He felt terrible about the WSOP. I told him it was all good, and it was. Just bad luck. Now though, i dont know, starting to wonder. They got me this cute little glass monkey, that I decided to use on that last trip to Harrahs Tunica. Every time I had it on the table I was taking a bad beat. Then, it was in my car (in the console) last week when Cheryl backed my car out of the driveway and into a neighbor's car! I'm starting to think that thing is cursing me. Remember that tribal pawn that showed up on Gilligan's Island that was making all that bad shit happen? Its kind of like that I think.

I decide to quit folding small suited ace hands in late position, now that I have a decent stack, and really want to start putting pressure on the smaller stacks and get this thing to a final table. Plus I am downing Snapper shots and have the whole table starting to get scared. I pick up A5d and raise. The BB, the ONLY good player at the table (besides me, duh) calls. Grrrrr....okay, I can easily get away from this hand if I have to. BUT NO! The flop comes A-9-A! He checks. I INSTA-CHECK! COME ON FIVE! COME ON ACE! Turn is the 10 of d....now I have TRIP ACES with a NUT FLUSH DRAW! He bets out. I raise. He moves all in. I can't even IMAGINE how I am losing this one...and I call. My opponent turns over 99. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! He flopped a BOAT! So forget about the flush draw. I need a 10, a 5 or an A on the river to avoid going out 12th. It doesn't come. OMG. I am sick. Literally want to throw up. I am out. I feel like I got kicked in the stomach.

As I get up, I hear "one seat open" on a $125 SNG and decide to take it. Big mistake. As were the two SNGs that came after that one. I was in NO FRAME of mind to be playing those. Even though I was running them over before getting coolered in 2 of the 3 of them too. The night ended horrifically. A kid (about 27 if I had to guess) who I have NEVER seen before, and who decides he thinks its a good idea to start patronizing me, and clowning me.....and did I mention, has a hairdo from the 80's (remember the part down the middle?) and more gums than teeth, one of the scariest things about a mouth...when they have the 'gum smile.' I flop a nut flush and announce that I am going to check raise. I check. Other guy bets. I raise all in. He calls. He has an open ended straight draw and a possible straight flush draw...which he hits of course. (*!@#(&!@*&(

This is where the kid elects to say something smart. To which I look at him, and with TK Miles standing behind me (he just got to town) I look at the kid and say "the best thing right now would be for you to not make the mistake of letting another word fall out of your ugly mouth" and before he could say another word someone told him he better listen to me, that I wasnt kidding. Like a smart little boy he DID actually STFU!

I decided this would be a sensational time for me to get the hell out of the poker room and retreat to my room. Before I DID do something I would regret. The last two hours I wanted to put in a large dumpster and forget about. It is now 12:12pm. Tourney started already. I must now go play and try to win this damn thing. Three cashes on this trip now. No noon tourney final tables. An unimpressive record in SNG's. With yesterday's $750 cash, I am still hovering at about even for the trip. I really need a big score in the next few days. Oh well, at least I am playing well. Simply can't do a damn thing about bad luck. And I am trying very hard not to kill myself! Or go crazy. But I think the latter may have already occurred!

MONKEY