TUNICA UPDATE after DAY 3

I hate AOL!

I had written a bunch, most of it funny. Was on about 8 paragraphs when my AOL just freezes up. Can't copy and paste what I had written. I am pissed. And now its very late, and I just can't see myself writing a ton, especially having to re-produce that whole entry.

Got here Thursday night. Late....real late. Brandon was already here. It was night 1 of having no A/C in our room. By day 3 we would see a Maintenance Engineer four times. I am now laying in my king size bed...in our 2-bedroom Penthouse Suite that they have moved us too. Earlier, I took a one hour bath in our whirlpool bathtub. Helps to know how to bitch and complain. Wish Squirrel was up here to enjoy this with me.

Played Friday's noon tourney. Got to level 7. Get it all in preflop with A7s...on a bit of a steal. (okay, total steal attempt) I get two callers. AQ and JJ. I am in deep shit. Dude flops a set of Jacks, with me catching two spades. I turn a flush!!! Dude fills up on the river. Shit! Out! Play the 2nd chance. In level 5 (200/400) the BB is sitting out. This guy who had already proved to be very mule like raises to 1200 UTG. The guy behind him goes all in for 2100. I put him on something like AJ....the first guy I think is just trying to steal to the BB(dead money). Maybe not, but I have 99...and think I have the best hand. I could have flatted the 2100 I suppose. But no...I move in. Everyone folds around to UTG boy...who INSTA CALLS with AJ offsuit. Unreal. Other guy has A10. Two outer? Sure. Why not. A on the flop. Ten on the turn. Im out.

The SNGS go badly too. I play 4. I win/chop ONE. I get 2-outed there 5 times, and 1 outed once. In one I am chip leader after the first hand when I flop two pair and get paid off by two who both flopped top pair. That all goes to shit. With AQ I limp early, knowing this chucklehead on the button will raise. He does. I smooth call. The flop comes Q-10-9. Im first to act. I move in. He tanks. Im listening to music. He turns over his hand. JJ. Okay...help me here, are you all thinking (and assuming) that he is done? Showing you what he had, before mucking? Thats how I took it. So I just show him a Q. Then the dealer tells us we are both going to have a penalty. HUH!??? For exposing our hand. WTF!!!! I flip out. Eric Comer comes over, and I explain, rather vociferously (nice word, huh?) that I and others were all under the impression that he was mucking. Well, Eric doesnt see it my way. He does waive the penalty...but LETS the guy still act on his hand. Well, he of course is open ended. HE CALLS. Turn? Another Q. River? A damn J. I go nuts! (not openly, I actually leave the table and silently freak out.) Couple hands later I lose with 99 vs. A3 and A10. Then I dont remember what finished me but I had JJ against something stupid. I would win ONE...but it was a three way chop. It was a bad day. One I wanted to quickly forget.

Saturday didnt start so hot. It was a $550 and the field was pretty small. 180 players or so. I started pretty good. I got AA and KK early but got nothing for it. Then at level 4 I went totally card dead. I was getting pretty low on chips when, holding QJ in the BB on a MIN RAISED hand...I flop K-10-8. I check to the guy who I know is about to bet with whatever he min riased with. He bets. I raise all in. He tanks...and finally calls, with AK. Ooops. Not what I wanted to see...as I need an ace there (or a 9). I brick out...and I am done. Dammit.

I play a sit n go. I get two outed. Thats it! I am done. Didnt get much sleep the night before. Was sick of the bad beats. Was sick of the redneck donkeys. Was sick of being here. So I went to the room. I passed out. Then, at 6:45...Brandon shows up, as he has made it to the dinner break (again, 2 for 2, but fails to cash in both Friday and Saturdays tourneys. Well, he wakes me up...and I cant get back to sleep. So I decide, what the hell, I will go play the 2nd chance tourney I guess. Expect there to be a decent field. There isnt. Only 111 players.

I literally was short stack almost the entire tourney. I started the tourney out by pushing in (ten minutes late) to the 10 seat and immediately drove my knee into that damn metal box...taking a chunk out of my knee. It bled for about 20 minutes. That is by far the worst shot I've ever taken by that box. I leave that table after only 20 minutes. Get moved to another table. Sit there and play maybe 1 hand out of 15. When I raise..everyone folds. Had a cute little 23 year old girl from Texas on my left who became my little buddy. She is here with her Dad, who is MY AGE (nice!) and a pretty cool dude. She was actually a pretty good player. She saved my butt when she folded 10-10 to my 8-8 all in. Whew. But then I had AA and raised...and she thought she was giving me a courtesy fold! I showed AA. Bottom line...every time I moved in...NO ONE called. I had 3 or 4 big blinds from level 4 through level 9. It was insane! Just won enough to stick around.

Finally win a big pot when a dude who had moved in on my BB does it again and I look down at QQ. NICE! Well...it IS queens! I call. He has AhJs. Oh God! Flop comes THREE HEARTS! Oh no! But he bricks out! NICE! And for the first time I have some chips! Shortly after that we get down to 18 and move to another area on a redraw. My little Texas cutie is in the 7 seat, me the 2. In the 5 seat is an absolute RETARD. Guy raising with 48 off suit, K2, J5...when the blinds are 2000/4000. I know she has a monster when she flats for 6000. Flop comes K high. Donkey bets, and she keeps calling all the way to the river, never raises him. On the river, he bets 2k into like a 45K pot...she raises to 5k and he INSTAMUCKS! It was hilarious! When we started that table, this clown must have had like 86K. THe most chips I ever had...the whole tourney...was 34K. That stupid jackass wouldnt even make the final table.

I make the final table. The final table beads go on. The Red Snappers get ordered...and the WHOLE TABLE drinks! NICE! I kind of lost track of how long the final table took...but I was having one of my typical final tables, drinking snappers, watching people make bad plays and lose and leave...picking up more spots. Climbing out of my two-day hole ($$$) slowly! We get down to 4. Samantha is still in there. Then she says it!

OH NO! She has no idea who I am, that I write on here, the history with the Beau Rivage. None of that. And she lets this beauty fly out of her mouth..."Yeah Monkey had Aces on our other table and I almost called his all in with KQ but he kicked me under the table, whew!" Dena....who plays in a lot of these tourneys, and who I really like...and who knows about all that BS/DRAMA...looks at me....like WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY!?? And I cant believe it either. Because she is KIDDING...but WHO WOULD KNOW!??? And where am I!??? The Goldstrike! I very carefully explain the situation, ask her to please let all who witnessed that quote know that she was kidding! Last thing I needed!!!!!

We are at 4. 1st place is $6300. I propose that we take a $2000 save...and play for the remaining $2200. All four accept the deal. Cool. That gets me back to even on the trip. We get down to 3 and we agree to save $500 more. And play for $700. I get no cards. I am getting slowly blinded out. Have to get it in with J10. Run into A7 and it holds. Game over. They both chop the last $700 and we were done. I tip the floor and the dealers, and go have some cocktails with Brandon and some other people. And go back to our hot as hell room for our last night in that sweatbox.

Woke up this morning with the headache from hell. Got to the tourney in plenty of time for the $330, which had only 183 players. Things start pretty good again. Start with 5K in chips. At the end of the 2nd break I have 9k. A nice pace. But then in the next two levels, all I get is QQ twice, and 1010 twice, and get NO action on my raises. Then Amanda the wonder dealer shows up. She felted me the other day with that full house on the river. She gives me nothing but absolute garbage when we are at 300/600 and Im watching my stack dwindle. 4-9. 2-8. 3-7. J-2. You know! THE GOOD STUFF! I am now down to 5200...and getting desperate. Then...wow, she gives me A-9! Which by this time is looking like ACES. I suppose I could have just raised to 1800 there and folded to an all in. But I decide to just ship it and try to drag the 1650 pot right there. Uh....not going to happen. I run into AK. Dammit! I dont suck out. Oh well. Not much I could do about that.

Go Play, and LOSE...a $65 sit n go. Then decided to call it a day. Got moved to this kickass room. Played some online poker. (big mistake) Wow, its amazing when you go from four days of live tourney and SNG play to online. It is utterly AMAZING how BAD they play online. Sickening I think is the real word I was thinking of there.

Tomorrow is a $330 DeepStacks tourney. Which is sort of bullshit, really. Yeah, we get 10K in chips. But the levels go from 40 or 50 minutes ($330 / $550) to only 30 minutes, and there are levels missing in the structure to speed it up. Mix in the idiot/donkey factor, where your John Deere drivers will be raising (25/50) to 400 with AK...and it should make for an excellent donkfest-like atmosphere. Who knows, maybe I will get lucky and actually get paid off with my big hands tomorrow. I definitely have a very precise 'style of play' reserved exclusively for Tunica and the freakshow players who frequent this place!

There is a gym here. Or so rumor and various signs would have you believe.

I have yet to see a $2 a minute massage girl. Is it the economy?

I parked my car in valet on Thursday night. I havent seen it since. Nor have I breathed air from the great outdoors either. I wonder if my car misses me?

They have a very large live game room going, I have not played ONE HAND in there. I am breaking even on the cash game.

Old guys should not try their new material (what they deem as funny) at the poker table before first trying it out on their deer hunting, cotton farming buddies/relatives first. This quote..."Hell, thats about like finding a hair on your bisquit" was the best effort this guy could muster. He even tried to use it twice. No sir...NO! That is not funny. In fact, it doesnt even make sense.

If anyone EVER catches me shedding even ONE tear again while watching American Idol, please kill me. I admit it, watching Anoop's genuine shock and happiness at being the 13th 'extra' finalist, made me shed a tear of joy for him. That is simply ridiculous and I should have my nuts cut off and fed to me. I did find the time to wish some form of torture upon Drama-Tatianna after watching another nauseating act from her. And of course there was watching Paula stumble and fall all over her tongue again trying to complete one sentence without 27 pregnant pauses. She is a freaking trainwreck.

Does anyone really believe that this Charlene from San Diego really lost 47 pounds using Hydroxy Cut? And the dude, John, with the lab coat claiming to be a doctor? He sure does look to me like maybe he is an actor living in LA who works out everyday and just happended to land a gig as a fake doctor hocking fat burning pills.

Can someone please KILL that twit who sings those stupid Free Credit Report.com commercials? And if the credit reports are free, how the hell do they make any money!??

WASHINGTON HUSKIES. PAC 10 REGULAR SEASON CHAMPS! Thank you, thank you. That feels good to say, and looks nice to read!

We must not have Animal Planet network in Biloxi. I'm pretty sure if we did I would watch it all the time. I have been watching it now from 1am to 5:20am. Yeah, it is now 5:30. See, I came up here at 4. I was asleep by 4:10. Thats pm. Then, at 8..Brandon returns to the room, "HEY MONKEY...YOU AWAKE!!!???" Well, I am now ya bastard. And I havent gotten tired again until about now. And I really need these 6 hours of sleep I hope I am about to get. Oh..yeah. Animal Planet...great great stuff. Pandas are so cute. I think I would like a pet panda. Definitely NOT a Boa Constrictor though. And probably not a monkey either. They are really high maintenance apparantly.

That is all folks. I am going to final table one of these damn noon tourneys before I leave this place....I promise.

MONKEY