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Friday, March 30, 2012

DAY ONE in Council Bluffs

Good News...Bad News.

Good News. We got to Omaha/Council Bluffs in a reasonable amount of time. Kai only got ONE speeding ticket...by a Missouri cop who looked like a lead actor straight out of an 80's porn flick. I half expected him to rip off his pants in tear-away fashion and start gyrating his hips...to demonstrate to us that we had been punked out on highway whatever highway that was. Didn't happen. He was just trapped in the 80's. 

We arrived. We joined 10 dealers at their hotel for some late night mixed game and Jack Daniels. Despite gaining an early advantage on these 'pros' I eventually got stacked by the same guy twice...and left with 145 reasons to give them shit all day the following day.

We got to the Horseshoe on time...well, for US on time...only 15 minutes late. Not so much the case today...as it's already 12:45. But I had to take care of my pool responsibilities today, as I push to get my NCAA TITLE GAME Squares sold...my Baby Pool filled up...and start talking up my Masters Pool that happens next week. Somethings have to take a back seat...and today that is poker. I'm not all that devastated about missing the 25/25 level anyway...where you inevitably have those idiots raising from 25/25 to 300. And getting 6 calls. Pfft. Whatever.

The turnout was nice. 355 players. And I am happy to announce that ALL FOUR of us Biloxi Boys....Me, Kai Landry, Tim Burt and David 'Lurky' Nicholson all cashed. I busted 32nd...another min cash....went card dead at the WRONG TIME...blinding down from 81k to 55k and forced to get it in with 66...where I ran into a guy with KK. Tim Burt would run KK into that same guy who just happened to have AA...and he busted right at the end of the night...picking up a couple more pay spots than I did. Kai and Lurky are still in the tourney...as they played down to 25 players. First is $23k. Second I think is $15k. I know Kai needs a win as bad as I do...so I will root hard for him.

Today is Day 1a of a two-day $350 tourney. Should be a nice turnout again. As far as the quality of players? Not bad. My first table was actually quite good. But then I got moved to a less impressive table. A lot of faces I've seen a bit of. It was a pretty tame day as far as "I can't believe I just fucking saw that" moments are concerned. My last table of the night was pretty gross...as we had me, Nicholson, and Mark aka 'Pegasus' at our table...and easily more chips on our table than any other. I made a couple big folds preflop that I might wish I had gone with now....JJ behind a raise and a spastic all in...that I kind of thought had AK probably. Then I raised at cutoff, to 7k with 99...only to have Nicholson shove 44k with AQ. (I saw after I folded). I had 80k at the time....just seemed like a bad call. But I don't know...maybe should have pulled the trigger.

Played a little cash game after busting at 1am...waiting on Kai to finish at 2 and bag his chips. Bought in for their maximum of $300 and cashed out with $525 in one hour. In other words, my profit in one hour was the same as my profit playing 12 hours of that tournament. Kind of depressing. Discovered that the cash game players here are....ugh....awful. Might be some money to be made here in cash game. But I hope to be spending long, long hours in every tourney. I guess I picked up either 2.5 or 5 pts for my cash yesterday...getting me closer to the Freeroll points I need...which we all figure to be about 90 points probably. I really want a spot in that tourney for the 2nd year in a row. 

I'm into my 2nd week of the Zija nutritional products...which feature weight-loss programs and energy products. I take a capsule in the early day...and then one in the afternoon. In between I drink a Moringa-fueled 'SmartMix'...that works to increase my energy levels....as well as curb my appetite. I was excited to see how I would feel yesterday during the tourney...and admittedly, I felt a lot more alert and sharp than usual. But I want a more extensive sample size on time before I can conclusively decide that these products really are doing the job for me. But so far, so good. I haven't had any drastic weight loss in the last two weeks. I've been pretty much hovering around 250-252...which is still down from the 265 I weighed in January...but I'm ready to take off another 10 lbs....to get to 240 would be ideal. 230-235 being perfect. But that might be tough. 

I have had no fewer than 5 people that haven't seen me in awhile tell me that I look like I've lost a lot of weight...almost all telling me they can see it in my face, and that I look younger. That made me feel awesome!!! And definitely inspires me to keep on keeping after it. It's a good feeling not wheezing when bending over to tie my shoes!!!!

Okay, I really need to wrap this up and head over...I will arrive in Level 3 I guess...with the blinds at 50/75...which, with 10k in chips...is just fine.

MONKEY

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Heading Back to my Roots....IOWA!!!

Yeah. You heard me. Iowa. Roots, he says? Yes...roots. My family all came from Iowa. And the Native American in me...Sioux...comes from that area as well. As a kid, our family, while living in Kalispell, Montana, used to fly in my Grandfathers single-engine plane to Northwest Iowa...and spent a couple weeks with our relatives in Lake Okoboji...which sat next to Spirit Lake. I remember we were there during the 1976 Olympics...and my fondest memory was of Bruce Jenner winning the Decathlon and Sugar Ray Leonard the Gold Medal in boxing. Some of you are reading this and can't believe I'm that old. But what's weird? Is it doesn't seem that long ago.

So I haven't been to Iowa in a long time. A really long time. But on Wednesday morning...I will climb into Kai Landry's Toyota Whatch-a-ma-callit and head off on a 15-18 hour odyssey to try and win money and secure points towards the National Freeroll in Las Vegas this summer. We go expecting the fields to be small, which will afford us a much better chance of making Final Tables. I was fortunate enough to receive an offer from a good player and good friend to back me for all the events up there...but the most important obstacle was getting permission from my boss. Oh..that would be the wife...A.K.A. Squirrel.

Permission came in the form of our baby doctor giving me (more or less) the green light to make the trip...thinking that being home a full 3 weeks before the expectancy date for Miss Carley Grace will be sufficient time. And if something wild should occur, and she comes way early...well, there are 8 flights a day out of Omaha that all arrive in Gulfport in 4-5 hours from departure. So...I can't see myself missing my 1st child's birth for any reason. I did have a dream the other night...where I was chipleader at the final table of a $355 tourney...and I got the call that she was going into labor. It was a pretty exciting dream, that involved leaving the tourney...and having them pay me for whatever spot I got blinded down to, and then getting into a fight with the assholes at the airport working for Delta...who nearly had me arrested by the local fuzz. Why do I have an eerie feeling that this could come true?

Life has been a little wacky lately. I've managed to squeeze in a few cash sessions...all BAD. I still haven't done my income taxes for last year. Not that I'm stressing about it...as crappy of a year as I had, I fully expect to get a refund. They came and spent three days putting in new floors in our house. They look great. And our house smells like a new home. Carley's room is all completely done. The guy who finished 2nd to me when I won my Omaha H/L WSOP ring (in late 2010), Brett Allelo, has some electrician skills, and came by this weekend with his wife (they came down from Baton Rouge for their anniversary) to visit and bring us a baby gift for Carley. While he was here, he put up the chandelier that Claudia got us for the room. It looks great. Her room is perfect. I find myself going back there sometimes late at night...sitting in the rocking chair...and just reflecting on what its going to be like in just a few weeks. Wow!

March Madness is down to the Final Four...and just like every season for almost 20 years now...all of my brackets are dead. You would think that with four pretty good teams making it, I might have had ONE bracket (out of over 20) have at least a chance. Nope. Not even close. 

After watching my UW Huskies get snubbed for the NCAA tourney...we had to settle for the NIT.  And I have to admit, beating our hated rivals, the Oregon Ducks...to advance to NYC and Madison Square Garden was awfully delightful. Speaking of delightful...noticed something scampering around on the sideline...then had to do a little research on the topic. I might hate Oregon...but there is ONE good thing about Oregon...and their fans.

Way to go Oregon. Finally...one GOOD thing that I can say about the Ducks!
 Well, they have made it down to the Final Four of that tourney, along with fellow Pac-12 members Stanford. In addition to that, the Washington St Cougars (also of the Pac-12) have made the Championship game (which is a best of three series) in the CBI tourney. And NO...I can NOT tell you what CBI stands for. But WSU won Game 1 last night 67-66. Sorry, but my Pac-12 pride was greatly damaged when we got shunned for the Big Dance...so I am looking for anything to make me feel better.

Kentucky Freshman All-American...Anthony Davis, who will surely be a 1-and-Done NBA lottery pick this season... will certainly be able to buy a grooming kit to get after that nasty Uni-Brow!

Hmmm...separated at birth, I ask? They sure do look a lot a like, don't they???

So...the Final Four comes to New Orleans. Somehow, I don't really think the Gulf Coasters are all that excited. It's a lot different than the excitement (my opinion at least) of the BCS Title Game and/or the Super Bowl, which will be here in January of 2013. I think the most exciting part of the Final Four for me, especially since I will be in Council Bluffs, Iowa...will be rooting for my lucky numbers to hit on one of the many boards I expect to fill for the Title Game. Last year we sold 5 boards...at $25 per square...and I won around $2000 on the game. Wouldn't mind a repeat of that feat!

Oh boy. Speaking of Super Bowl, and New Orleans. What the hell just happened to the Saints? OMG! I honestly think the people of New Orleans are still kind of in shock. I mean...Roger Goodell has just kind of decided he is the GOD of the NFL, hasn't he? Bounties? Now...y'all know that I've had a colorful experience myself with bounties! I used to love droppin' a bounty on my fellow players for a variety of reasons. Granted, I wasn't in the business of having them 'bounticized' so I could see them wheeled off the table! But hey! Who are we kidding? Ever since us little boys started putting on a helmet and shoulder pads, our coaches have always screamed bloody murder at us to hit the other guy so hard you sent him home crying to his mama. Football is a violent game. Who are we trying to kid? I think this has a lot more to do with the pending lawsuit that the former players have brought against the league...and the NFL is trying to use this as evidence that they are proactive when it comes to 'protecting the players.' What a joke. 

This guy might want to avoid any immediate travel plans that include the Crescent City!

I have to wonder if Roger Goodell even played football in his life? It started with all the fines he has been passing out to mainly defensive players, for hits deemed 'excessive.' I don't know a single fan who doesn't go to a football game and get excited when a defensive player flattens a guy after a catch, or during a run. Or on a kickoff return. It's bullshit. They are ruining the game. And I don't know what the hell the Saints are going to do about this coming season. They haven't even handed out the penalties yet for the individual players involved. I mean...wow, they could be in a situation where they have to score 60 pts a game to win. 

A full year ban from coaching. $5.8m down the tubes. That's a lot to think about for Coach Payton. Rumors have him working for FOX-TV during his season away from the sidelines.

 All this...without their head coach, their assistant coach...and General Manager. Gross. If there is one thing I believe, knowing what I know about football...there should be a decided edge for the Saints from a psychological standpoint...sort of an 'Us Against the World' mentality, that could result in an amazing season. I mean...if they go 2-14...will anyone really be critical? Shit...maybe they should just go 0-16...secure the #1 draft pick (a major necessity, since Mr. Asshole stole away their 2nd round pick!) and come back with guns blazing in 2013!!!

BountyGate! All started by this guy, Gregg Williams, who received an Indefinite Suspension from His Highness, Lord Goodell.
While we are still on the subject...if there is one tragedy that our media has created and refused to let go of, its the overuse of the word 'Gate' as it relates to ANY scandal that has surfaced in the last 35 years. Ever since Nixon and his boys got popped during illegal tape recordings and break-ins at the Watergate Hotel in D.C. every freaking scandal that has occurred since has been labeled 'Whatever-Gate.' It's fucking stupid. Want to read a LIST of stupid scandals that have had the 'GATE' affixed to them? Do you? Seriously? Wow...then you really have TOO much time on your hand. CLICKHERE to see this stupid list.

Is there anything more delicious than a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Especially late at night? The milk...at the conclusion of the feast? Simply amazing.

Squirrel and I managed to get into the TV show (on AMC) 'Mad Men' and were bummed when it went on hiatus. Well, happy to announce its back. Featuring Christina Hendricks and her fabulous rack...as well as January Jones...who is very sexy...its a cool show about NYC in the 60's...and they do an astoundingly accurate job with portraying all the fashions and styles of the times.


So, oh...yeah...my last few cash sessions have totally sucked. Three at the I.P. followed by one at Harrah's last Friday night. Got a call from Barth asking me if I wanted to go check out some MMA fights at Harrah's. Sure. Why not. Drove over...and took our seats, three rows back...and watched as the average fight went about 1 minute and 4 seconds. It was your typical crowd, lots of fake boobs, lots of tattoos, lots of little short guys wearing 'Tap Out' shirts. One fight almost broke out in the crowd...but sadly, it never materialized.

When the fights ended, I secretly wanted to get the hell out of there...knowing how a cash game session at that place usually ends. But Barth had the itch. So we had to go scratch it. Seated at my table were the usual cast of mutants who you either lick your chops when you see (as I did) or hold your breath and hope you can fade the ridiculousness of their play (which I couldn't). It started bad...and it ended worse. I think the one that defined the session was losing to the middle-aged freak with the rat tail. Yes, apparently, someone brought that super-cool 80's look back and forget to tell me.

The guy at our table wasn't nearly as HIP as this guy seems to be!
Do you even care what the hand was? Why would you? Lets just say that behind a limp of $5 (on a straddle) I made it $30 with 99...prompting 4 callers, including ratboy with 10-5...suited of course. And never finding the reason to ever fold after the flop...which of course, DID produce a ten-high flop...not for $45. Not for $65 after a king hit the turn....or $140 when an ace hit the river. He would make another couple of 'huge' plays that would leave him broke...only to buy back in for $60 (same amount he originally bought in for) again...running it up to $300, and letting his wife (her critique is coming) talk him into leaving. His wife. Wow. You have seen those before/after pictures right? I looked for one on Yahoo AND Google just now..and came up empty! But the one where they are embarrassed by their hideous yearbook photo from the 80's? The over-permed 'big hair', the jacked up teeth, the thick glasses with the big frames? You've seen that picture, right? That was this guy's wife. God love 'em!

I lost $500 in that session. The one before that, at the I.P. I lost $1100. That was one of those nights where no matter what you did, no matter what you flopped, no matter what you bet to get that old guy with the rickety jawbone to fold...they just weren't ever folding. And getting a hand to hold up? Forget it! Wasn't happening. There were two separate beats where after seeing the river I had to get up...walk out of the poker room, and do a total lap of the casino. 

This whole 'Playing Cash Game for a Living' idea that I had isn't going too well so far. And frankly, I just don't think I have the determination to see it through. I hate cash game. I hate the people (for the most part) who play cash game. I hate how it becomes more about gambling than about the game of skill I prefer to think poker should be. I just sit there seething most of the time. And there is no way that can be considered healthy, on any planet, or in any civilization! How crazy did that last session make me? The one at the I.P? Well...this was the little movie I made...as I drove home in what closely resembled a Category 2 hurricane. 

Yeah...its safe to say that I was, indeed, a little bit on 'Life Tilt' that night. But hey...thank god for the Attivan prescription my doctor wrote for me earlier that week.

What else is going on? Oh...yeah...this little scam that our country likes to call an energy crisis? Yeah...that isn't pissing people off too much is it?

I've been pissed off about gas prices for years. I tried to combat it a few years ago by investing in the oil market. Figured, if I can't beat 'em, I'll join 'em. Yeah, sure....right. So I bought a bunch of shares of USO (United States Oil Fund) and watched a very interesting thing happen. It adjusted, to fuck the shareholder. See, it used to almost mirror the price of the barrel. When I was looking at it...it was priced at $110 a share when the barrel price reached an ungodly $135 per barrel back in the summer of 2008. Oh...but then oil prices plummeted. So I pounced, at $28 a share...when oil was down to $40 a barrel. So what happens? Oil goes up...and up...and up. But what did USO do? Not much. In fact, the barrel cost was going up at about a 3 to 1 ration vs. the share price of USO. Ridiculous. Well, guess what? The greedy scumbags who run the oil corporations are doing the same exact thing to the American consumers.

It is the biggest ripoff, I think...in the history of the modern world. There is NO shortage of oil. At all! Quite simply, it is a conspiracy by the CEO's of the oil industry to keep the supply levels low, so that the demand always far outweighs what supplies appear to be on hand. Last year...oil was almost exactly the same price...right around $104 a barrel. Only difference? Gas prices were about .40 cents cheaper per gallon. Why? I don't know, you tell me! It hasn't gotten any more expensive to source, or ship, or refine. And shockingly, the big corporations like Chevron, BP, Texaco, and Shell have all reported multi-billion dollar profits for each quarter for the last five years. 

Yeah, great...I am all about capitalism, I'm all about making a buck. But for chrissakes, these son of a bitches are killing the American economy with their greed...and Obama, the various departments who oversee the petroleum industry, the congressman, the various lobbyists who are in bed with the oil business, they don't do a damn thing to influence some kind of relief to the American economy. Why? Is it because there is a secret mission within our government to eliminate the middle class? Am I getting too political today? Am I losing some of you?  Sorry...but I am sitting here watching as our gap between the ultra-rich and the middle class gets wider and wider. It's freaking me out. While also pissing me off. Because I just picture these fat fuckers sitting around in their board rooms, laughing their balls off at how stupid society is, how easy it is to manipulate the market to earn whatever profits it is they decide they are going to make. I mean...what is anyone going to do to stop them? Nothing! So they just keep on keeping on! 

What I would like...is to see a fucking leader...who gets into office, calls the heads of BIG OIL into the Oval Office and gives these assholes a little speech. Here is how my speech to these pricks would go:

"Hi guys. Nice to meet you. There will be no expensive lunch today. I won't be offering you cigars or fancy bourbon. And I won't be accepting any of your over-priced and under-used gifts either. Why? Because the days of buying influence on Capitol Hill ends today. The days of you and your shithead cronies holding the American economy hostage are over. I know what you buy your oil for. I know why you keep shutting down perfectly operational oil refineries. To manipulate the supply and demand ratios. Well...guess what? Those billions that you are making every quarter? You are going to start using that money to construct new strategically located refineries. You are going to bring the ones you closed up to EPA standards, and reopen them.  I'm going to give the order to start drilling ASAP in the Arctic oil fields of Alaska. That pipeline? The Keystone one that has all the environmentalists up in arms? We are going to find a safe path for it...and it's going to get built! And doing the building will be American construction companies. I need to have trucks that can afford to transports goods and services in this nation. I need to have trains that can operate at a profit. I need to have airplanes flying at an acceptable rate, and without declaring bankruptcy every 5 years, and needing a government bailout. See, your greed has led to far too many economic hardships in this country and it's going to stop. And when you decide you are going to start exporting your oil that has been domestically tapped, to countries that are killing us in the trade markets? Like China for example? With the one simple purpose of continuing to keep your domestic supply levels low? I will slap you with a fine. Those tax breaks that we have been giving you? Those are going to end. As a matter of fact...I am going to introduce a sliding scale of pricing that you won't have the option of ignoring. Simply put...the barrel cost will be reflected in the price per gallon for fuel. And when it breaks from that scale, there will be a similar tax which will be enforced against you. The days of sucking our nation dry are over, boys! I hope you all have a pleasant trip back to your offices on your private jets. Perhaps on your next trip to Washington, I will have the privilege of having someone pick you up at the airport...after flying on one of our many commercial airlines!"

President Monkey

I want to talk about this ridiculous situation in Florida...the one where Trayvon Martin (young black kid) was gunned down by George Zimmerman (uh...white? Latino?) while walking back from a convenience store, where he went to retrieve Skittles and a can of Ice Tea. When this first happened, it seemed like the story centered on what a bunch of bungling fools their police department in Sanford was. All we heard for the first week was that there were racial 'issues' that went back for years in Sanford. 

I know that when I first heard the story...I didn't see any photos, I just assumed with a name like George Zimmerman...that it was some ignorant redneck who got a little trigger happy and fired a shot at this kid, who, as the story went...was harmlessly walking back to his Mom's house. But then it got a little interesting. Turns out...this Zimmerman guy is actually half Latino, and half? What? Jewish? Who knows? But next thing you know...the whole community down there is blowing up, with hundreds of blacks in hooded sweatshirts protesting and demanding that Zimmerman be arrested immediately. Then last night, I see where the 'New' Black Panthers (not to be confused with the 'Old' Black Panthers) had put a $10,000 bounty on Zimmerman...demanding his 'capture' but insisting he be captured ALIVE. On top of that, they were suggesting that they were attempting to raise $1m from athletes and celebrities to help with this bounty. Wow. So they are collecting (or attempting to collect) a million dollars...so that they can pay out $10,000! That is some serious administrative overhead, eh?

So...basically, this group is advocating the committing of a felony. The kidnap of an individual who has yet to be charged with a crime. This is how you deal with a situation that you object to? Here is a question: If the kid who had been shot down holding the bag of Skittles had been white...what would the end result have been? Here is another question: If the kid were black, like he was...and he was gunned down by another man who was also black...would we be seeing all of the outrage? Would Al Sharpton be camping out on Mrs. Martin's front yard? Do people realize how many times a day a black man shoots another black man in Detroit? Or Oakland? Or just about 100 other places in this country...for similar reasons to this one (perhaps) and it doesn't even make the news!!??

The common sense side to me wants to know who is perpetuating this constant battle between the races? Is it the media? Is it just a deep-seated bitterness that exists between the two sides that will never, ever go away? Does each side just go looking for these 'episodes' to use to drive their cause? I was reading the message boards all weekend on Yahoo and Huffington Post, and I saw some utterly alarming comments. From the racists cutting on every element of the black existence, and calling for a race war...to blacks demanding the heads of any and all white person that ever commits a wrong against an African American. I just sat, reading all these comments, and wondering...how in the hell do you fix this problem?

And where in the world is Barack Obama in all this? I mean...you have a tinderbox down there in Sanford, Florida, threatening to blow up into a major race riot...and what does he say? Oh...he comments that 'if I had a son, he would look like Trayvon.' Gee, thanks Barack! That's exactly what we needed to hear in a moment of crisis. Way to diffuse the situation. Don't worry Barack...as long as your March Madness Bracket is going well for you...after all, you've been using tax payer dollars to fly around the country with England's David Cameron on Air Force One so you can watch a basketball game! Seriously? Nice President. And what's even worse? The idiots that are trying to end his run as president? The Republicans? They are an even bigger bunch of morons.

I don't know...as far as I can see...this country is SCREWED!!!! I'm going to bed. Count on an epic blog while driving/riding with Kai from Biloxi to Council Bluffs.

Monkey

Monday, March 19, 2012

NO I AM NOT DEAD!!!

It's just that this is MARCH MADNESS time...and this Monkey is consumed with it! Absolutely CONSUMED with it. From my pools, to watching it...there is no time for blogging right now. Coupled with getting our floors/carpets replaced and doing copious amounts of spring cleaning for and with the wife...I've had nary a moment to even think about (okay maybe I've thought about it) poker this past week.


But starting tomorrow, when I begin my trial period with all of my Zija products to see if this is something I want to get behind and sell...I will get back on a regular track. I will step out and play some poker. I will work on my income taxes, finally. I will share funny photos and videos. Maybe. 

Bought a pressure washer this week. Ever owned one of those? Oh..its amazing all the fun shit you can do with those. Turned a 'much-too-brand-new' looking Alabama into a well-worn looking awesome hat as a result of pressure washing our sun room. Up next: The fence, the driveway, and the cars.

My dogs? They are insane. It doesn't matter WHAT I eat. They want some. I mean anything. The list just grows. Blueberries. Cucumbers. Raw cauliflower. Popcorn. Carrots. Things you would NEVER imagine they would actually eat? They do.

I just went out to the mailbox. It's 2am. There are birds chirping. Huh? What kind of bird is up chirping at 2am? I find this extremely odd.

I finally got around to watching the movie '50/50' last night. Squirrel and I picked it up from RedBox. It was one of the best movies I've seen in the past year. If you haven't seen it...rent it.

I entered a grant total of 21 March Madness brackets this year. As of tonight...they are ALL officially DEAD in the water. Another year...more epic failure. I suck.

I am about to start a Baby Carley Pool...wherein people try to pinpoint the exact date and time for the birth of our daughter. Why? Duh...to win money. Details later.

Okay. That's it. Tired. Going to bed. Hope you enjoyed this blog post...maybe the worst blog post of all time!!

MONKEY

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Okay...I Know, Long OverDue

The only reason I'm doing a blog today is because I've gotten about 10 or 11 of you badgering me to do a post. Fine. And it's not that I DON'T have anything to talk about, I do. I'm just feeling really, really lazy, and tired and don't want to do anything lately.

I'm watching 'Game Changer' on HBO right now. About Sarah Palin and her campaign. Starring Ed Harris and Julianne Moore. Dead ringers both of them. Nice little look behind the scenes during the Presidential run, how McCain's advisers were trying to wise up Palin and make her more presentable to the press. Wow! If any of this is even remotely accurate, we came pretty close to being one heart attack away from having a total dipshit (with a massive ego) as our Commander-in-Chief.

They came to replace our floors today. At 8am. That would be like someone showing up to do you all of your floors at 3am. Once you wake up...its pretty hard to get back to sleep. Especially with the sounds of saws and hammers all throughout the house. So when they finished for the day...at noon (??) they had just about finished with the wood laminate, that they put in the living room only. The rest gets carpet. I get up to feed the dogs. And they both sat there...at the edge of the living room...and wouldn't move! Haaa! They were afraid of it. It's too slippery. But once the food hit their bowls...they couldn't resist. It was like watching someone tip toe through a minefield. Carpets come tomorrow...again, at 8am.

March Madness has arrived. My UW Huskies got fucked. Sure..that might just be my opinion. But we did win our damn conference. The Pac-12! No one that won the Pac-12 (or Pac-10) or any OTHER major conference, had failed to make the tournament since 1944. We barely lost to Duke (#2 seed) and Marquette (#3 seed) both on the road. Our non-conference losses came against nearly ALL tourney teams.  S.Dakota State, St. Louis University, Duke and Marquette. In conference we only lost 4 times, twice vs. Cal and Colorado, both tourney teams. We have two players, the Freshman of the Year in the Pac-12, and a sophomore, who will both be likely 1st round draft picks in the NBA. I don't think there is a team we couldn't compete with. But instead, we get to go play in the NIT, as a #1 seed. I kind of hope we don't win that...because it will give Tony Wroten and Terrence Ross exposure that might convince them to leave for the NBA. So secretly, I am rooting for us to bust out of that in the first round.  :)

My March Madness pool last year got over 525 entries or so. As I write this...a full two days before the deadline for this years...I'm already at 157 entries. Got a feeling we might break last year's record. I've been playing March Madness pools now for 17 years...and have never even finished in the money. Hopefully, this is my year! With Carley Grace on the way...the timing could NOT be better!

I missed out on West Palm Beach. I missed out on Chicago. And now that I have lined up a backer for Council Bluffs, Squirrel is pressuring me to stay home...fearing that even though the event would wrap up a full three weeks before our due date, that she could have her early...and I would be trapped too far away from home to attend her birth. And of course, I do NOT want to be away from home when my first (and probably only) child is born. What sucks is that Council Bluffs is one of the lowest attended events on the calendar. I have 30 pts right now with 4 cashes, towards the WSOP freeroll. Right now...someone with 77 pts has qualified. A single win counts for 50 points. And as it turns out...the Freeroll has seen a couple of really nice changes. First...not only do the 100 qualifiers get in...but another 100 players who earned their way in via WSOP cashes either at Rio or in Europe, have the option of buying in for $10,000.

The other cool thing they did was move the event from the first one on the schedule in May...to the very end. It will start the same day as the WSOP Main Event. The first two days...will get it down to 9. That way, the players can go play Day 1C of the  Main Event...and on that 'rest day' that separates Day 1 and Day 2 for the WSOP, they will play the Final Table for that Freeroll...which will certainly be worth a LOT more than just $1m. I would imagine about 65-70% of those 100 eligible players will make the $10,000 investment, especially since most of those 100 have deep pockets in the first place.

So yeah...it's a shitty spot. Having a 100% backer at 50/50 for all those Iowa events is tough to say no to. To get myself into a position to win an amount of money that could keep me at home (and happy and unstressed) for at least a year...would be tremendous. Instead, I'm sitting at home, slowly running out of money...as Carley gets closer and closer to being here.

Of course there is the New Orleans event...which will be right after the baby is born. And with my mom, her mom, and all her friends around, and her off work for 12 weeks...I'm sure I will get to play some of those events. As long as I agree to drive home every night...which isn't a big deal. If you hadn't noticed, I really want to get into that freeroll. 

Someone posted a message on here...not sure who, another 'Anonymous' signing...that suggested I might have a gambling addiction, and asked if I have considered giving up poker and getting a job. I read that and laughed my ass off. Why? Because any of you out there who know me...who don't just know of me what you read here or what you hear people talking about on the outside, know that I am anything but an addict. In fact, I'm the guy who has been ragging on players who I always see dumping all their winnings, or chasing all their losses, at the blackjack table, or craps pit, or slot machines. I completely avoid the pits. And if I do play, its usually blackjack, and no more than $10 a hand...and just a couple hundred dollar 'sessions' where I am usually just sitting and blowing off steam from a bad poker tourney.

Those close to me know how I have been slowly losing my passion for poker over the past year or two. Sitting there for 10-12 hours only to go out to some jackass who never should have even made it that deep, who puts A3 and A8 in the same category as KK and QQ. Plying away for hours upon hours...playing down to the top 15% of nearly every event...and finding yourself up only a couple buy ins at the end of the week....because you weren't able to crack the top three. Yeah, boy...that is VERY addicting. I don't know anyone out there who wouldn't buy in for $550...play from noon til 1am, and bust out with KK to a guy with J9, collecting your $825...yeah! A profit of $275, which just goes back into the next day's buy in of $350...leaving you up a whopping $75 if you should happen to bust that one out of the money. Yeah...wow, that's like CRACK!

Let's see. I barely drink, at the poker table and even less away from the table. I don't use drugs. And the ones I may have recreationally used in the past I don't use at all anymore. I don't bet on sports, aside from the occasional Super Bowl wager. So I laugh...yeah, chuckle, at someone's suggestion that I might have a gambling addiction. I can't WAIT to NEVER have to EVER play a hand of poker again...as long as I live. What would do that? A huge win. Or another opportunity in life that provides me with the kind of money that would make an appearance at a poker table more of a vacation than a day at the office.  Yeah...you got it ALL wrong there sir (or ma'am). I have gotten to the point that I don't even LIKE poker anymore. I play because I happen to think (and maybe I'm delusional) that I am better than most at the game, and it affords me an opportunity to make a living and provide for my family.

There are a couple things on the horizon that I am thinking about. Two of them involve multi-level marketing products. One, our relatives in North Alabama are currently involved with, and doing great. It's called LIMU.(click here to learn more about LIMU) I've researched it. Sounds like a great product. Another is a product called Zija.(Click to learn more about Zija) It was introduced to me by a guy I met in poker a few years ago...and who lives in Kentucky I think. I researched that product as well. They both have the same basic set up. They both sound like great products. Both are kind of pricey. Both revolve around an exotic plant as their singular source. LIMU is derived from a rare form of seaweed. Zija comes from the Moringa tree. They both have been reviewed and endorsed by a guy named Darren Little, (click his name to see what I'm talking about) who kind of seems to be the MLM guy with some kind of vested angle.

Not really sure how to approach this marketing opportunity. I've never really been one to get into sales. Granted, my last job was as a liquor salesman in Pensacola...and I did pretty well. But it was more of an order taking job. I mean, how hard is selling alcohol?? I've always had an underlying insecurity when it comes to selling something, to anyone. Like, there have been times when I'm trying to get a table full of people to buy into a simple last longer (where everyone puts up $20 or more in what amounts to a side bet) where I felt like I was 'pushing something' on them they didn't want. Like they all thought I was raking a commission on it or something. Seeing those cold icy stares from the people who don't play poker on a regular basis...and knowing what was behind those eyes. "Who is this jerk, and what the f*** is he trying to swindle us out of??" 

So...with that in mind, and my already insecure outlook on my ability to succeed in something like an MLM...its with hesitation and caution that I wander into this area. One thing that might help is having Squirrel as a 'teammate' on something like this. I know I probably have a sizable advantage over most that are thinking about getting into something like this. With a Facebook friend list of 1200+, with 1800+ people on my email distribution list for pools, and with an average of 6500 hits a month on this blog...I'm sure there is some kind of strategy I could be taught to take advantage of that. You hear all these success stories about people earning up to $15k a month, who started out with almost no connections outside of their immediate friends and family. That, of course...gets my attention.

So...what to do? Don't know. Almost feels like I'm deciding on a college. LIMU or ZIJA? Wonder if one of them is willing to buy me a car or even a house!!!?? (yes, I'm kidding) I'm thinking maybe the correct course of action is to acquire some of each product...use both for 30-45 days...then decide which one we most 'believe in' enough to get behind enthusiastically and start selling to friends, family and acquaintances. So that is most likely what I will do. After all, what's more annoying then trying to buy something from someone and come to find out they haven't even tried it?? I want to be at least kind of passionate about whatever it is I'm selling.

Moving on. 

Epic Poker announced it was going bankrupt. The kind (Chapter 11) where they re-organize and try to get outside funding. Will they make it? Who knows. There was an equal amount of opinions that came out after the news was released. Some bashing them and acting happy about the news. Others expressing regret. To me...I can understand both sides' feelings. The one situation that bothered me the most was the case of Michael J DiVita. So last week, I reached out to the guy. And surprisingly, he answered me back within a day. He has the email address of ClassClownofPoker...which I found equally interesting. But I basically told him who I am, what I do, and what I write about. That I like, whenever possible (without imperiling myself) to take up for those who have been wrongly punished.

Well, if you didn't hear about this guy...he won an entry into one of EPIC poker league's $20k events, via a satellite of some sort. He got deep into that event, and suddenly...someone (not sure who) managed to unearth some 'dirt' on Michael, something from long ago in his past...and he was asked to leave. And wasn't offered a refund on his buy in. It was talked about a LOT. There were rumors about what it involved. And since I haven't called Michael back yet...which I will be sure to do, I won't discuss those rumors here. But this was his response to my email:

Hello Mr. Souther,
 
Actually, the EPIC Poker situation has been resolved for the most part. On February 07, 2012 I was paid the balance of $18,500.00 that I had claimed was owed to me by Federated Sports & Gaming and the EPIC Poker League. Unfortunately, it was necessary to get a third party involved, which led to a fourth party getting involved before the monetary issue was finally resolved. 
 
Now, I understand that Federated (the parent company of EPIC) has filed for protection under Chapter 11 of the Bankruptcy Code. I really (sincerely) do feel bad about that. Although I don't necessarily agree with the way that they have handled business at times, I like Federated and EPIC, and I really wanted them to be successful in their business and in their television ventures. Besides being a player, I am a huge fan of Poker, and I enjoy every moment of my time, when I am playing at a table full of pros that I have come to respect and admire over the years.
 
When my phone rings and I get a call or an e-mail from a Poker pro, a celebrity, or a professional athlete that I had met at a Charity Poker Tournament, I'm get nervous just like a kid who gets to meet his heroes. When people like Mike Sexton, Phil Helmuth, Linda Johnson, Annie Duke, Dutch Boyd, and "The Grinder" know you by name, it's a real honor when they see you, and they greet you like you're an old friend.
 
Anyway, as for giving you my side of the story, I have no problem with that. I have nothing to hide at all, and I'm pretty open about my past, as well as being pretty optimistic about my future, both on and off the felt. With that in mind, please feel free to call or text me at any time. My cell/text number is listed below.
Until then, I'll be waiting for you at the Final Table....

Michael J. DiVita
 
Now...if that sounds like a guy who is bitter and hostile, as most would be if they endured what he went through...then I must be missing something. I was told by others who were there, that when he was asked to leave the tourney he never created a scene or caused a commotion of any sort. Seems like a pretty straight shooter to me. (sorry, every time I write that expression now I can't help but think of the boys out in the desert in 'The Hangover' talking about the guy they scored the ecstasy from!) I think if I ever found myself in that spot, I would have went ballistic. Well, I'm assuming a good lot of you would like to hear his side of the story on the allegations that led to his getting DQ'd and banned from Epic. So I will get after it.

As for the Epic League itself? I think the chance to play in a tourney where corporate money has gone to fund the prize pool is a wet dream. The chance to sit at a table with players who all know each other, who respect each others game...who bring out the best in each others game...that is something I would love to have been a part of. What bothers me, is some of their exclusionary policies. And the people who were in charge of those decisions. Granted...their board consists of some of pokers most respected players. But it also consists of some of pokers more questionable ones as well. Some of the rules they had seemed insane. Dress codes. Code of conduct. I mean...they were beyond some of America's finest country clubs. And we are talking about....ahem, poker. I don't know...I suppose you could make an argument for both sides if you wanted to bad enough. Let's just say I don't lean too far in either direction of the subject. But bankruptcy is never a good thing, or funny...no matter how much you might dislike someone or something.
 
I think one of the greatest inventions of our time is the garbage bag that is scented. I think this started a couple years ago...and every time I take out the garbage, it's never an unpleasant experience.
 
 
 I'm now watching 'Your Highness.' Danny 'Kenny Powers' McBride in a movie where they are talking like they talk in Robin Hood...but with him incorporating the F-bomb into every other sentence like he typically does no matter what the movie is...dude is just hilarious. And oh yeah...there is Natalie Portman (monkey crush for over 10 years now) nearly naked. Ship!
 
Okay. I'm tired. Wanted to write about my previous cash session at IP. It had a few notorious moments. I will hit that in my next entry. Also wanted to talk about Lock Poker...which is also Felt Stars, they share the same network. They have a thing going on right now called Poker Maximus...which is a 2-week series of events. I cashed the first one, min cash, then lost the next two. The beats are brutal. Getting money on there even harder. Not impressed. Nor do I feel very protected on their site. Can't wait until they get poker fully legalized and legislated throughout the country. I have to assume that when that happens it will be very safe, secure and legitimate. 
 
Good night.
 
MONKEY






Monday, March 5, 2012

Cash Monkey Has Arrived....

This could be a fun blog post. Or it could fizzle. Depends on how much I am able to remember that I wanted to share with y'all. But first, Squirrel is chirping at me to go play with my 'sad' dogs who have been waiting all day for me to get out of bed. Be right back. ** sigh **

Yeah, so I played with the dogs...snuck a piece of roast out of the slow roaster, then laid down and fell asleep again. My sleeping is out of control. Seriously think I am part grizzly bear. Well, I did spend 8 years of my childhood living in Northwest Montana.

So there is a NASCAR race on...and while I was sleeping I was having dreams that I was racing. My car wasn't in the best of shape, but I was pushing it harder than a political prisoner in Cold War Russia...and as a result was making up a lot of spots. Then, for some damn reason, I decided to take left side tires with only 20 laps to go, and got sidetracked trying to help Tony Stewart get re-started...eventually having to replace his battery...and completely forgot that I had moved up from 32nd to 11th. A.D.H.D at its worst.

My friend Weronika 'Wonky' Starr thinks I need to start my own YouTube channel and start posting crazy, stupid shit to it on a regular basis...seems to think I would attract a ton of followers, which would lead to me being able to make money off of advertisers. Hmmm. Maybe.

Want to see a couple of interesting videos I shot while in Vegas? No? Too bad. Here it goes:



....and then, moments later...his night came crashing to a screeching halt. Ouch!



By the way...does anyone have ANY idea why when I shoot a movie on my iPhone with the phone at 12 and 6 (those are clock references, don't be confused, kind of like how you might hold your hands on the steering wheel while driving) it comes out sideways when I play it back? And for that matter, how in the hell do I rotate it so you don't have to watch it while tilting your head sideways? These ARE important questions, dammit.

[ Well now that they finally posted, it looks like the YouTube editor automatically flips them back around. Nice. ] 

Oh...and though I already posted this amazing video last month...due to popular demand...it is back. You're welcome!

 
I received some awesome news Friday. Fresh off a profitable cash session Thursday night, and a 12-hour period of fasting...I served up my arm to the needle at my doctor's office to see just how this new cholesterol medication is working on my sky-high levels of death coursing through my veins. The combination of Zetia and Luvalo appear to be the great miracle workers! I'm sure my diet the past two months hasn't hurt too much either. The 13 pounds I've lost have got me wearing my 'old' jeans...same jeans (brand wise) just going back to the 38's now, since the 40's are falling off of me. Here is a snap shot of the before/after lab results...my doctor almost fell off his stool when he looked at it.


Not sure if you can make this out...but the Sept 2011 numbers on the left, compared with the Mar 2012 numbers on the right are simply staggering. That number on the bottom is what my Doctor called my 'heart-attack risk number' and it went from 8.7 (aka Walkin-Talkin Heart Attack) to 4.0 (aka Below Average). My triglycerides he said were 'like glue' last fall...and were reduced by 65%. My cholesterol hasn't been this low since I was in my early 20's. I left his office like I was walking on a cloud! I immediately went home, scanned the results, and sent an email to the guy who wrote my life insurance policy...and got myself into a much, much better policy! I was feeling so good, I went ahead and paid my homeowners insurance and my property taxes for the year.

My cash game career started on Thursday night at the I.P. Biloxi. I played from 9:15pm to 3:20am. Bought in for $300, cashed out for $1020. A successful Day 1. After a 90-minute cardio workout, I convinced Squirrel to let me return last night for my 2nd session, even though it was her night off. I played from 9:37pm till 5:40am...buying in for $300 in 1/2 NL Hold em...cashing out at 2:30am with $600 and taking it to a 1/2 PLO table that they had been trying to get going all night. I took three pretty brutal beats, and before I know it was having to rebuy. Out came $400. Hovered around $300-$350 for over an hour...then had one of those hours where I never missed anything. I got it up to $850...then was tired, and taking calls from Squirrel, asking why I was still out? Good time to cash out. Profit $92. Gross. However, given that I was stuck over $500 at one point...I'm calling it a victory.

I've determined that sitting at a cash table sober...and committing myself to just playing A-B-C poker, is a wonderful way to make a living. The mistakes that bad players make, and the obvious bluffs they try to pull...make it a feeding frenzy for a player with even a 'decent' skill level. Yeah, sure there are the occasional bad beat suck outs to the idiot who just won't ever fold his bottom pair...hitting trips on the river, or some other goofy river card to make your hand melt like a Popsicle on an Arizona sidewalk. So, you just factor those in, and try to minimize the liability on each hand when you are facing one of those mutants.

I was having an almost decent conversation with this guy at my table about how to play when playing pretty much ANY WHERE in Florida. This guy, who had serenaded me with "Really dude? Oh my God, you ARE the worst player ever..." after I called his raise (from the button) with KKQ2 (when I probably should have re-raised him heads up, but didn't only because he'd shown down some pretty damn good hands) then on a 7-7-2 flop called his bet, turned like a Jack I think...called another small bet...then rivered a KING...where I went ahead and led for about 65...getting a call from him, with him holding A-K-7-10. Ouch. I mock pouted and told him he had really hurt my feelings. We was a pretty nice guy, and was just frustrated I guess.

Anyway, I was talking to him about how to play against these barely human beings...and the one thing I stressed, and some of you might either agree or disagree with me here...was to be very conscious about pot control. It seems like you see more mistakes made by players, where they either overbet hands where they should be value betting...or invest way too much in the hand on the flop and/or turn...making their ability to fold on the river nearly impossible. Or putting so much in on those two streets that the donkey who is sitting there with a gutshot, or a bad flush draw...can't find a good reason to fold heading to the river, since they are usually looking at a pot that is 5 times their existing stack...and you get a lot of those "Oh well, I guess I will just rebuy" jagoffs, who hit their magic card on the river, and leave you pulling your hair out. Been there, right?

Well...so my suggestion is to keep the pot relatively small, and manageable...even if you are nearly positive you have the best hand...because as long as you are up against an opponent that doesn't like to fold, who LOVES to see all five cards...why do you want to paint yourself into a corner heading to the river? I would prefer to be building a pot...getting him to keep contributing, but giving yourself some leverage heading to the river.

Example 1: Before the hand...you have $500 in your stack. Donkey-fuck has $415.
You have AhQh and raise to $15 (in a 1/2 game) behind three limpers. D.F. calls your $15 with A8off. One other calls.  (pot now $52) Flop comes A-2-9. D.F. checks to you. You lead for $50. The other caller folds. D.F. calls. Now $152 in the pot. The turn is a 7 of hearts...now giving you top pair with a nut flush draw. D.F. bets out now....$75. (pot 227) You decide to raise his stupid ass. You look at his stack. He now has $275 in his stack. You raise it to $180. Dipshit flats you. The pot is now $512. Idiot has $170 remaining in his stack. The river is an 8 of spades. D.F. retard shoves all in. There is $682 in the pot and you have to call $170 with what may be the best hand. You feel stupid calling. But you do. And you lose. And want to kill the guy. But really, the person you might want to get mad at, is yourself.

Example 2. Same scenario. Equal chip counts. Same hole cards. Same raise preflop. But this time...on the flop, I bet $25. Same call by the same D.F. Pot now though is only $102 instead of $152. The same turn card gives your a flush draw. He again bets out $75. Two options now, instead of really just one followed by a 'priced in' call on the river. Either flat the guy, and hope to river a flush or even a queen and get deep into the guy's stack...or, and this is sometime a riskier gamble against a shitty player, moving all in. The difference is that now he has to call a LOT bigger bet...and his A8 suddenly is looking pretty weak, now that he has to put $300 more into the pot. A lot of times, you will get this moron to fold, and win a decent pot. Sure, you didn't get the rest (yet) but you also didn't have to watch the non-heart 8 hit the river and fuck your night up...up at least temporarily.

Pot Control. It's a very mismanaged part of the game, both in cash game, and in tournament play. No where do you see it more than in Pot Limit Omaha. To the extent that it's comical at times. You get these jacktards who just love saying the word 'POT!!!!' I would say that 87.5% of those jokers don't even KNOW what the pot bet amount is. They just scream POT and wait for the dealer to give them a number. Instead of just looking at the pot...estimating it to be about $85...realizing you have a made low, and a nut draw to the high...and four players in the hand, it dawns on you that you probably don't want ALL of them leaving this hand just yet. So why in the HELL you would scream 'POT' there is beyond me, other than you have shouting 'pot' ingrained into your soul...and simply can't resist.

No, no...why not just pick a relatively manageable number, say...$40...and going with that? Because it makes too much sense? Whatever. The lack of players who understand and are able to exercise pot control kind of drives me batty.

You know what else makes me climb the walls? If you do NOT understand the concept of 'position' as it correlates to your ability to play vs. an opponent? Then don't use it. Why? Because you are only exposing yourself as a ridiculously poor player without a clue. The tossing around of the word, or phrase "I was out of position" or "I had position" on you is the 2010's version of the 2000's "I had pot odds." No...idiot, you didn't. To both. I implore you...as players who want people to think you know what you are talking about...to guys who THINK you are good, but not great, and want to enhance your table image by throwing around big poker words and phrases....do this: Go buy yourself a good book, written by a well known poker professional, like, say...Daniel Negreanu. He will explain to you what 'position' actually is.

To those of you who still think 3-betting means you are raising 3 times the amount of the big blind? You can also buy that book.

To those who are sitting on 8 big blinds (in a tournament) and are in the SB holding 2-6 off suit and call the raise from cutoff (with no other action behind) and call because you 'think' you are getting 'the right price' to call? No...doofus, you aren't. You are just stupid...and stupid has no remedy. You're just stupid. Buy a book.

My favorite guy is this one. The blinds are 200/400. He has 5500 in his stack. He is sitting in middle position. Under the Gun raises to 1200 (he happens to have 10-10). He gets re-raised by a guy two seats over...to 2800...and is holding KK. He also has a pretty tight table image. Hmmm...seems like a pretty good place, with 5500 chips, and holding J9h...to pull the squeeze shove, right? I'm almost positive that guy who made it 2800 will insta-fold for another 2700, right? Dude...that guy isn't folding if he was only given ONE CARD by the dealer! But lets make that move anyway. You know the rest of that story. He either leaves and gets laughed at by the whole table...or pulls off some miracle suckout...and proceeds to sit there jabbering about his awesome play for the next 15 minutes, with the guy holding KK wanting to pour lighter fluid on his whole body and flicking matches at him.

"I mean, what was I gonna do? I was down to 12 BB's...I had to make a move. J9 was the best hand I had seen in 4 orbits!"  (yeah yeah we get it...never mind all those early position raises and re-raises that occurred before you looked down upon that monster J9) In a word...I H-A-T-E these people. Vigorously. It has been responsible for a semblance of the love and respect I have lost for poker...and driven me closer and closer to the brink of insanity.

Know what else I hate? That I am watching the late game on ESPN...the late NBA game...not WNBA...but NBA...a game played by men. Adult men. And here we are...being treated, once again to a female dykey-sounding color commentator. Why? They started this trend with the early Big Ten game in football every Saturday. Now its festered, moving into the NBA. And yesterday, I got to listen to a broad doing the race coverage for the Nationwide event. Why? Because Danica 'can't find the finish line with a road map' Patrick is now racing (floundering/crashing/whining about it) in NASCAR? I swear to God...if ESPN even tries this shit with baseball...I'm driving to Bristol and fire-bombing their offices. (Dear FBI: that is a joke. Please don't send the bomb squad to my house like you did three years ago when I told that asshole collection agent from Chase that I was going to find him and firebomb him in his cubicle)

Along those same lines...and with my attempt to give equal credit to the male side, if I have one thing to look forward to, its the NCAA Postseason, when Dick Vitale disappears. He is literally the main reason I rarely watch regular season NCAA games. I listen to him do a game and I can practically envision the IQ points melting away from my brain. I'm not ever going to wish someone dead (well....) but I will say that I am really, really looking forward to watching college basketball in about 15-20 years. The guy drives me fucking nuts.

The Leg-Shot heard 'round the world
So, I'm watching the Oscars last Sunday...and immediately notice Angelina Jolie stick her leg out like a retard, in an obviously staged pose. I post to my Facebook "Yes Angelina, we see your leg!" Hell, here I was thinking maybe I was the only one who caught it...I have a tendency to catch those little moments when others don't. Well....this was NOT one of those times I guess. Bitch's leg now has something like 32,000 followers on its (yeah, the LEG now has it's own Twitter account) account. Only in America.

I used to giggle at those movies where they had a good-looking actress...and they would try to make her look pregnant by strapping on one of those baby-bump accessories. "Ah come on...it's so obvious she isn't pregnant. How stupid."  Well...guess what? That is exactly what Squirrel looks like. Like her regular self...but that she strapped on one of those things. Whoa...as I wrote that a Prego (spaghetti sauce) commercial just came on my TV. Spooky.

I have a couple of political rants that I want to go off on a tangent about. One is the mess in Syria. One is the inability of our idiot leaders to grant rights to drill for oil in A.N.W.R. (north Alaska) when we are staring at near-$4.00 a gallon prices. Another is regarding the  controversy started by Rush Lindbaugh calling a girl a slut over the contraception issue. The death of Andrew Breitbart...who 'supposedly' had a heart attack and died this week, alone...while out walking? Just days before he was about to release a scandalous and politically damaging videotape of Barack Obama. But I'm not going to. Not to any of them. Why? I don't know. Too much to say, not enough space on this blog.
A photo from one of her many Dancing With The Stars appearances
Julianne Hough on a jet-skiing expedition. Nice!
George Clooney gets to watch that climb the stairs every night. **sigh**
From back her in WWF days. Wow!

Watching ET right now. Featuring the TOP FIVE legs in show business. I agree with 4 of the 5. #5 Julianne Hough. For sure. #3 Cameron Diaz. I guess, maybe. #2 Stacey Kiebler. My former crush...now girlfriend of George Clooney. (who HASN'T he hit in Hollywood!??) and #1 Charlize Theron. Yummy. 


Getting up there in years, but always a stunner!!!
Never been a big fan of Cameron's face...but you can't deny those legs are the goods!

 But #4? Beyonce. Yeah. Sorry...she is pretty sexy...and her videos are delightful at times...but 4th best set of legs? No way. Maybe that was just E.T. being politically correct by getting a black girl on their list. 

Come on! And that isn't just a 'bad' picture. Those things are MEATY!
A few I think they missed the boat on....

The Amazing Heidi Klum...now single!
 And another 40-year old that continues to look great!

Jennifer Aniston has always had great legs...and still does.
BUT!!!! I still think these are the best legs in the world....


I typically find that most Top Ten/ Twenty / Hundred lists are a joke. It's almost like there is lobbying and paying off going on to get their client on that list so their career is helped along by it. Not only that...but when you spend a decent amount of time in Vegas like I do...watching smoking...I mean SMOKING hot women parade by all day and night, and then open a magazine that calls Sarah Jessica Parker one of the most SEXY or BEAUTIFUL in the world, I can't stop laughing and rolling on the floor.


Props to my Washington Huskies...who just backed into the Pac-12 inaugural regular season championship. After losing yesterday to UCLA...when a win would have locked it up...they had to wait for Cal to lose to Stanford today in an upset to give us the outright title. Next up...Pac-12 league tournament. I know the Pac-12 is weak this year...you don't have to tell me, and I'm sure we will lose in the first round or two...but it's still nice to win the conference and have a shot in the Big Dance, at least. Lorenzo Romar is building a hell of a program up north. Lacking ingredient: A dominating inside presence.


Last year we got walloped by tornadoes in the south on April 26-27th. This year...we got spanked again...nearly two months earlier. 50 people died this week as tornadoes ravaged the midwest. Very depressing news. Looking at the news coverage and seeing all the homes that got destroyed, it just breaks your heart. Squirrel is all paranoid about this storm season...has a bad feeling about a hurricane or two bombing us. I tried to get renters insurance for our home in Biloxi...and couldn't get one company that would offer us coverage. Tried five different insurance companies online. None of them would cover anyone south of I-10. 

Want to feel old? The kid from 'Married With Children' Bud Bundy? He just turned 38 years old. Whoa.

Okay. That's it. I'm done for today. More later.

Monkey