FEBRUARY HIGHS AND LOWS...an OUT OF DATE (almost) POST

(Yeah...this is the Post that Bill mentioned while we were in Coushatta, that he promised to post later...but now its falling further and further behind, and I have a fresh new one that I want to post....so for those who find old news still fresh and funny....eat your heart out!!!!)




Well, being close to home to be with Squirrel has left me with few options. Option #1 of course is sitting at home and playing online and getting my ass handed to me on a regular basis, then making the occasional score to get back to where I started a couple days before. Its such a damn 'rat-on-a-wheel' cycle it drives me crazy!

Option #2 go to the Beau and play the nightly $130 buy in tourneys. And the occasional guarantees on the weekends. And then, option #3...a NEW option...is go to the Isle of Capri (affectionately referred to by many as the PILE OF DEBRIS, aptly named) and make a run at the recently ballooning Bad Beat Jackpot, which as of this writing is hovering around 150K. Sweet. Even sweeter if you hit it!

I've gotten about five emails the last two days asking why the hell I haven't blogged in over ten days. The answer? Well, its not due to a lack of material. I have witnessed and experienced a lot of funny shit the last week. I guess its partially due to laziness, and partially due to not finding the time to write, splitting time between playing poker and sleeping. Its a real grind, ya know...for a poker player!

First, let me welcome Brandon to our little Blog World. I see him...on my left...and UP the page from me. Again, I have slipped to the lower tier of the page. (sigh) I am sitting here with him again, roomies, again...in freaking COUSHATTA CASINO in a place called Kinder, Louisiana. Whoa. This was a last minute decision, made hastily when Brandon shows up this morning in Biloxi...calls me (way too early) and asks me if I would like to join him on a road trip to go play the Cajun Bozos in some swampy outpost I have never visited. Hmmm....kind of tough to say no when he is in my backyard. Coupled with me about to go OUT OF MIND with the online poker experience the last two weeks. So thinking we are going to leave at around 7pm, he shows up at my house around THREE and pesters the shit out of me until finally I get my act together and we leave around 5:30. Watch that movie with Matthew McConaghy where he plays the guy who makes football picks. Then Dazed and Confused. One of his speakers blows out in his stereo as we are pulling into this Mosquito Mecca. Unlike the way I WOULD HAVE REACTED, he summarily dismisses it. I would have come completely unglued. We differ there.

Getting checked into our room we discover, like Tunica, that we get to spend ONE day in this room, a SMOKING FUCKING ROOM...and then tomorrow get moved to a different room. Awesome. The blame? Sorry...that's the reservation department. Hmmm...sound like anyone else you know? (Harrah's Tunica maybe?) I ask if we can hold onto the baggage cart since we have to check out when we wake up. (BTW the tourney starts at 10-freaking AM) Lady tells me no, they need it back. I am sitting here looking at it right now as I write this.

Back to Brandon's Blog. After badgering me all day and night to read his blog, I finally just did. I pretty much anticipated what I would be reading, and of course, I was correct. We have two completely different writing styles. I, of course, write to amuse and/or entertain you. I share details of my life that may or may not be wise. I don't spent TOO much time talking about poker, but do manage to reference it on a reasonably acceptable basis to merit appearance on a poker-related website. Mr. Jarrett on the other hand, is ALL POKER, ALL THE TIME. Just like in real life. I suppose if I would ever just stop and take the time to listen to his poker drivel...I might actually pull some good ideas from him that might help my poker career. Maybe learn something. But...being Monkey...I pretty much DONT listen to ANYONE regarding these types of things. Its what made me such a fabulous employee for the all those assholes I worked for over the 20 years of my 'real job working life.' See, I don't think poker needs to be OVERCOMPLICATED. I think poker is a pretty easy game. The millions of hands you play teach you what you NEED TO KNOW about the game, the rest is just how you apply what you have learned in certain situations and against certain players. You have guys writing books, developing SYSTEMS...come on! Its all a damn joke. There is no SURE SYSTEM to winning at poker. Knowing you opponent? Yep. That is key. Knowing the game....duh, no shit...pretty important. But its mainly this...you are blessed with a certain amount of talent to play this game. The rest you gain through experience, common sense, and the ability to learn from past mistakes. Pretty damn simple. Oh and one really important ingredient in poker is ACTUALLY GETTING SOME PLAYABLE FREAKING HANDS!!!! I listen to Brandon start talking about hand play and I find myself fading off into oblivion...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

BTW, almost forgot. I am now officially a PAID journalist. A guy I used to play street hockey with in Atlanta works for a magazine now in Atlanta. "J'Adore, The Hollywood Edition" one that caters to African Americans. A few months ago he asked me to write a poker article for his magazine. I wrote what amounted to a 6 page article. It finally came out last month. It came out as a two page, edited article. Came out pretty good. I was impressed. I also got a CHECK FOR FIFTY BUCKS! Sweeeet!

Brandon and I decide to go check out this casino. Maybe there will be some sit n gos we can get into. Maybe we can register for the tourney tomorrow, a $300 buy in, early, and get a good seat. You know? Something other than the 1 or the 10 seat. We walk in...and whoa! Nice casino. (dripping sarcasm) Scary people everywhere, sporting fashions from...well...not sure if what they were wearing are from ANY era I can recall. The cocktail waitresses were all very HARD on the eyes! I mean...HARD. Yikes. Not that I came up here looking to meet a hot waitress, its just nice to walk into a casino and see fabulous ladies carrying trays. Not happening in this place. Oh..almost forgot to mention this....driving in we discovered the BIGGEST PARKING LOT either of us have ever seen...except maybe for the one at Disneyland/Disneyworld (take your pick). The reason for it? Can't think of one. Unless maybe they have the State Fair here once a year and its set up in their parking lot.

We find the poker room. Pretty large. About 15 tables it looked like. But the tourneys are taking place down at the END of the casino, in the MIKKO center, which I'm pretty sure looks like a bingo hall! It was 10:45pm. Sit N Gos? Sorry sir they stopped at 10pm! Huh!??? [as I write this Brandon just discovered some DNA on his blanket on his bed!Try to envision him as he freaks out right now!] Cash room is pretty full...but there is no money in play on any of them. We decide to register for the tourney tomorrow. We are kind of seeking numbers to see what to expect. The lady doesn't know how many were in today's $200 tourney. So she guesses. Cant tell us how many are registered for tomorrow. Why? All you have to do is look on the computer. Oh!!! I see...you don't HAVE a computer! They do their buy ins with one of those receipt pads! You buy in, get a receipt, and show up the next day and DRAW a seat number! OMG! Hilarious! For each tourney they STOP selling entries at 400! Why? They only have 40 tables. Ever heard of alternates? Apparently not. Wow. Are we on Mars? What in the hell is going on in this poker world? We pay for our mystery seat and go back to the hotel room. The smokey one. [cough cough]

I am going to be all over the road in this blog....like a drunk driver. Coming up in a future paragraph you have Monkey's latest restaurant review to look forward to...the one from Monkey and Squirrels dinner experience at Ruth's Chris at Hard Rock on my birthday Monday night.

Before we go there...I have to say something about Wild Bill's Blog. I don't read a whole lot of blogs...anywhere. But as I share space with these boys, I feel I owe it to them to have a look once in awhile. I read about 20 pages of Bill's the other night. For those of you who REALLY know me, you know it takes a LOT to make me laugh at other people. I laugh at myself all the time. Not sure why. Usually in a self deprecating fashion. So, I am reading Bill's blog, and I am laughing my ass off. Then I get to his "Random 25 thoughts." Holy shit. You guys know this deal they have going around with the FaceBook'ers right? They started that 25 Random Things About Me that they fill out and then forward to a bunch of people to read and then do theirs. I find myself being pressured when someone does that to me. SHIT! How the hell am I supposed to sit down and come up with 25 Random thoughts about ANYTHING!?? So I delete that link/request. Well, Bill decides to post HIS on his blog, which I thought was pretty funny. I would like to know if he came up with all of these in one sitting, or if they were compiled over a few days or even a week? I really need to know. Have to know! Because I will be honest. I am not capable of doing it in one sitting. I just KNOW that if I try the first 8 or 9 might be interesting or funny...but then as I was scrambling to fill the whole 25 I would start forcing them and coming up with some that were/are just STUPID. NONE of Bills are stupid or contrived. They are all hilarious. I am really feeling the pressure to measure up. So for the next week, I will be making VOICE notes on my Blackberry every time I think I have come up with a gem. Yeah, I know...I am putting a lot of pressure on myself. I am planning to rise to the challenge! I am BRINGING IT BILL!!!!!

Hell, lets get right to the Ruth's Chris review. Its my birthday. I am 42. Squirrel has offered to take me ANYWHERE I WANT TO GO. Sweet. B.R. Prime is closed on Monday's. Dammit! So we try 'the other steak house.' We ate here a couple months ago...and frankly, it was unimpressive. Steaks were both overcooked. Big, big snafu in a steakhouse where they charge over $40 for a steak. We try anyway. We go early...I'm talking 5pm. They open at....5pm. She wants to get there early so the are all in a good mood, the food is fresh...she puts a little too much thought into dinner plans sometimes. But she is right, no one there should be bitter or sporting an attitude yet, right? We are the second couple to enter. We are escorted to one of those private rooms, and I start thinking "hey, is there a bunch of people around this corner about to surprise me?" But as we turn the corner the only thing in there is two four tops and one little table sandwiched in between them, which she makes a feeble attempt to seat us at. Ha Ha, nice try hostess. I don't think so! Booth please. We are seated. 9 minutes after sitting there we finally get strafed by a waitress who informs she will be right with us. Hmmm. Groovy. The hostess has proceeded to sit 4 other tables, all apparently in our waitresses section. What? $100 per person restaurant and they have ONE waitress working every table? That's impressive. 8 minutes later and she is still absent. So...that is 17 minutes we have been seated and don't even have WATER! Oh and the extra settings are still on the table. I finally move those to the end of the table.

Alas, a busboy...or 'server assistant' shows up and announces he will remove the extra settings from the table. Well, hey...that's awesome...bet you couldn't have just stealthily just taken them away from us without us noticing. He also attempts to gouge us into some bottled water. No thanks, just ice water and lemon please. We get water. Held the lemon. Hmmmph! 5 minutes later she arrives. Well by now we have memorized the menu and are anxious to give her our entire order. So we do. This is officially the LAST time we see her for anything other than the occasional fly-by to ask if "everything's okay" usually about 2 minutes after the person who actually BROUGHT us our food had already done so. Oh! And her arrival to ask if I have "given up" on my entree, despite the fact that I still have 8 cut up pieces of steak, half of my asparagus and a half glass of wine still sitting in front of me.

Back to the Pre-game action, I order two separate glasses of wine. A Red Zin, to drink with my appetizers, and a Pinot Noir, to drink with my dinner. Pretty sure when she brought them out she misidentified them. So when dinner arrived and I went to drink my Pinot Noir, it did NOT taste anything like Pinot Noir. Because I don't think it was. So the manager, who I remember from my last visit comes out to offer his empty apology for the mixup. I watched him make the same journey to two other tables around us during dinner, apologizing to diners' whose steaks were overcooked. Damn! How many times a night does this happen at this place? I would LOVE to see their food cost. Dinner was over $200. The service was on the level of a place where our bill would have been $57. Like say, maybe....Chili's. This place has a LOT of improving to do. I worked in fine dining for years. I didn't really ENJOY it...but I was damn good at it. And it makes it very hard to dine out. I worked in places where ALL the waiters had good to excellent wine knowledge. It is rare to find these days. Refreshing when you DO find it, but rare. And this place....the waiters have almost NO wine knowledge. Its embarrassing. Okay, I am done with that place.

The day before my birthday, Sunday...I played all the major tourneys on PokerStars. Kept getting a lot of chips in ALL of them...then getting DONKED by assclowns for all my chips. By 3pm I had lost my chat for a 24 hour period. I buy into the Sunday Million, which had a RIDICULOUS 13,267 players. Holy crap! First place was $286,000! Please can I have 'a day!' The first five minutes go very badly. I have that guy at the table who likes the fun move where he RE-raises the guy who raises behind multiple limpers. That guy was ME, twice. Raising with JJ once and AK the other time. I called his damn re-raise on both occasions and missed both times. So right away my 10k is down to 7500. I am now wanting to kill this guy, while at the same time trying to stay rational and remembering that I am playing for a quarter of a MILLION dollars! In late position I raise with 77. The shithead (with his picture in his avatar, big-eared little bastard!) RE-RAISES me AGAIN! That's it you little punk. I RELEASE THE HOUNDS! ALL IN! And he INSTA-CALLS with what else? Come on....anyone/everyone on POKERSTARS (except me and maybe 5 other good players) WILL NEVER FOLD and ALWAYS SHOVE with......ACE KING. OF COURSE! Well, at least I am ahead. Flop? Blah-blah-KING. But of course. Turn? SEVEN!!!!!! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Suck on that punk! Monkey doubles to 16K. Then from there I kind of ran over the table. I get to the second break with 55K and am now starting to have fantasies about paying off every bill I owe, paying off my house...and having about 150K in my bank to manage very carefully over the next three years.

At the same time, Rooster is ALSO in the Sunday Million. Rooster? Really? He HAD to have satellited in. Yep, he did, using FPPS. Hilarious. I didn't know he was in. But he was, and had a respectable 43K. At this time we swap 15% on anything from 55th to 2025th, and 10% on anything better than 55th. We are about 400 from the money and I make a horrible play. With 66 from UTG+1 I raise with 66. I get one caller. The flop comes 10-9-3. I figure (hope) he was calling me preflop with something like AQ/KJ suited. I bet out (at a 15K pot) 8K after having raised 6K preflop. He calls. Just calls. Rainbow flop. Hmmmm. Well, now I have 38K and he has 18K. Next card is a 3. I just have to hope I can get him to fold, or that he's open ended or something. I put him all in. He insta calls and shows 999. OH SHIT! Down to 20K. Son of a bitch. Fabulous. Now I am in danger of not even cashing...which to cash was good for $525, a pretty damn good number. I am down to 14K (blinds 2k/4k) and Mr. Aggressive behind me raises when I look down at K10d......which as we all know, I HATE. King Ten...is that the hand I really want to go out with? Don't really have a choice. I move in. He of course calls with his A6 offsuit. Nice hand sir. I spike a 10 and double up. But I still need chips. We are getting closer to the money, but I really need chips. Blinds are eating me up. Meanwhile, Rooster is hovering around 50 or 60k. Good shape for him.

Sitting on the button I pick up QJs. It folds around to me. At 1500/3000 I raise to 12k. Dude in the SB who has been re-raising a LOT when raised, does it again. I fold here and have 18K left...or take a shot that he is doing it with a bad ace, or a small pair and I hit one of my live cards. I'm about to time out when my instincts tell me to call. I call. He has AK. Oh hell's bells. But I feel pretty good when I flop a JACK! Oh hell yes....could I be about to get back to over 60K!??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.......KING ON THE DAMN RIVER...and I am OUT! DAMMIT!

So I turn my attention to Rooster. It becomes a 4 hour odyssey. I am in there with him on every hand, sweating it out. He goes on long stretches of no cards...gets down to the felt, and picks up a big hand and gets a double up. Up and down for three hours. He gets into the money...then keeps picking up chips and pay spots. With about 1000 left and needing a double up, he moves all in with 66...and runs smack into the BB holding AA. He runs out 5-7-8-9-10 for a straight! Then another time...holding JJ in the BB, with 128K in chips and close to another pay increase...a guy just OPEN SHOVES 121K. Blinds were 3000/6000. We briefly discuss it and I tell him I think he should call. Guy has AJ or A10....trying to just steal a round of blinds. Obvious he doesn't have AA/KK/QQ. Maybe AK, but I don't think so. He calls. The guy has, surprise, AJ. Nothing on the flop....turn card, JACK. OVer. Rooster moves up to 250K. NICE! And now we start dreaming about a final table on the internet's biggest tourney!

They get inside of 75 and Rooster is AGAIN needing a double up. He has been incredibly patient. He now has 1m in chips, but the average is 1.6m. No big deal, no reason to panic. Then it happens. The retard who has been making stupid bets for the last two hours, makes another one. He is sitting with 1.2m chips. Rooster has 1.1m. He raises 448K on the button. Rooster has KK! Nice, the guy CANNOT fold. Only one thing to do here...Rooster shoves, the guy calls and flips over AJ. ACE JACK again. OMG...ACE on the flop. And it holds. Rooster cashes for $3500. Ships Monkey $525, and I am back to even on the day. (yeah, it was a brutal day!) But I was happy for Rooster, it was his best online finish ever. And 74th in the biggest Sunday Million field ever is pretty damn impressive. Still...that jackass misses his ACE and we are probably talking about Rooster making the Final Table. UGH!

I should have said something about this earlier. Squirrel and I went through a very difficult week after we lost our baby. But I sent out an email to all the people on my distro list, which I use for my various pools,and includes a lot of my family, my friends, former co-workers, pool players and fellow poker players. It numbers around 1200. In a span of 5 days we got emails from over 150 people. All very wonderful. It amazed me how many people have gone through this terrible experience. It really amazed me how many have had it happen one or MORE times, and then gone on to have lots of babies. Everybody was so nice. All of the employees who Squirrels works with got together and chipped in for the most AMAZING bouquet of flowers I have ever seen. What a wonderful gesture. Its incredible how nice people can be sometimes. But then again...she goes out of her way to do nice things for the people she works with more than any person I've ever seen, so I can't say I was totally shocked by their kind act. She loves those girls, and obviously...they love her. Must be nice to have people love you so much, I wouldn't know! ;) Ahhh...I did get some really kind emails from a lot of the dealers from all across the country. Again, thanks everyone.

New Orleans. Squirrel is going there for Mardi Gras on Sunday. NOT ME! Forget it. I am not into all that craziness. That is the last place on Earth I want to be while that stuff is going on. Call it old age creeping up on me. I hate having lots of strange people all crowded around me, pushing into me, with their gross sweaty bodies...all drunk. Ughhhhhhh! The only thing I want out of New Orleans is some damn information about this tourney coming up in May. Now that Jason has decided to split, are we going to get HOSED again by Harrah's? Why cant they POST the dates, and POST the structures AHEAD of TIME...for us pro's who like to plan out our year in advance and not wait until the last second to decide where to go and play? Rumor has it that Jack Effel has sent them the structures that they will be required to use. I don't think that bodes well for us players looking for improvements over there. If they screw us again, I am willing to lead a boycott of that place until they LISTEN to us players and GET IT RIGHT! Gawd...Jason and I had worked that thing out to where it was going to KICK ASS....and now? Man, just ONCE I would like to go play a Harrah's event where everything was flawless.

Speaking of Harrah's events with unrealized expectations...this just in from Cub...who we talked to on our way over here. Council Bluffs, Iowa is running their circuit event right now. Brandon WAS going there...but bowed out last week. Well Cub decided to go up there. He called to tell us he won the $1500 buy in event. WOW! That's great news, especially for a guy who has been running ICE cold since last fall. I am very happy for him. He needed that! The bad news? He won a virtual 4-table sit n go! There were a total of THIRTY SIX PLAYERS! So he 'only' won $20,000. It paid 5 spots. And since there weren't over 60 players he earned no POY (player of the year) points. THAT SUCKS! He did, however (feel my envy here) win himself his first WSOP CIRCUIT RING. And that is great. So regardless of the size of the field, big CONGRATS go out to Cub for his score up there. In looking at the field sizes of all of their other events up there...its been abysmal. I mean....AWFUL! There is talk that they might not get enough players for their $5k Main Event to even PLAY IT! Wow! You talk about embarrassing! Now, is that the economy? Or just bad planning and execution. I will let you all be the judge. But I think I know the answer to that one.

Coming up next after this little Coushatta diversion is the Spring Classic at Goldstrike in Tunica. After that they all come back to Biloxi for the...ready? SPRING BREAK CLASSIC. Spring being the operative buzz word there. Last year, I started my kick ass year with a KICK ASS week in that Biloxi event. Four final tables, 2 second places, 6 total cashes. Yeah, it was a good week. I'm not going to lie, that is going to be hard to beat. As far as the Tunica event? I am NOT going back up there. In September, I go up there, and Squirrel has to put our dog to sleep. This month, I went up there...and we lost our baby. Jeezuz, what dies the next time I go up there? And frankly, I am just sick of Tunica. So I am thinking I may go out to Reno. They have a great event going on from March 26th to April 12th'ish. Lots of added money (total of $100,000) and small buy ins. I have always run good in Reno. But haven't been for a couple of years. If I can get a decent flight out there, I think I will make the trip. Hotel rooms are only $45 a night, and I think Brandon might want to make the trip. Maybe I can rally up a large group of us to make that trip. They also have a pretty good strip club out there! (The Wild Orchid) Cant say that for Tunica! Plus my brother and his kids live out in the Bay Area, maybe I could take a day or two off and go visit them.

My backer...what a life. She is great. I hadn't talked to her in a couple weeks, and I have yet to balance our spreadsheet after the Tunica trip. Pretty sure we are in the red, though. Hate that. Just cant wait for the day I cash over 100k in a tourney and ship her like 30K and have 20K still on the books to play with. We were almost there after the New Orleans May juggernaut...but Vegas decimated most of it over the summer. This despite 13 cashes and 4 final tables last summer. Man, poker is a rough business! Gotta get those TOP THREE finishes to make hay! Well, anyway, she calls me yesterday and requests a PLAN for the next two months, as she and her husband are about to embark on a THREE WEEK CRUISE to the Mediterranean!!!! Wants to make sure I have what I need before she leaves! What a life! Last year it was a month in France! I am blessed to have her in my life! I just want to make something happen to eliminate ANY doubts she may ever have had or have about entering into this venture with me. The day I win a million dollars and cut her a check for half a mil is going to be the happiest a man who is writing a half million dollar check to someone else could ever be!

Monkey's Recent Poker Achievements? Well, I played 4 tourneys at the Beau. Played the 20K guarantee last Sunday. Missed the Saturday tourney because I had NO idea they had changed the start times to 11am. Whoops. On Sunday I got about half way through and lose to Jerry, whose last name I always forget. Why do I feel like I already wrote about this? Anyway, I go all in with A7...from UTG...he gives the "oh why the hell not" call with K9 spades.....I flop an Ace...and he goes runner runner for the flush and I was out. I skip Monday and Tuesday's tourney. On Wednesday's tourney, I sit down about 20 minutes late. First hand I chop with another guy. Second hand I get 44. I limp for 100. Guy behind me makes it 400. Damn. Guy behind HIM calls. Another player calls. Lady in the SB calls. Wow....I CANT fold now! The flop comes J-10-4. Two diamonds. YAHTZEE! I check (of course). First raiser makes it 1500. Guy behind him...CALLS! Yeah, just calls. Next guy folds. (wow, someone MISSED that flop?) The lady CALLS! (she has, ready? A-10) And Monkey? Well...duh! I KNOW I HAVE THE BEST HAND...right? Unless of course the 2nd guy just smooth called with JJJ. Well....you will like the rest. The first guy...who is holding AA....calls my all in. As does the next guy who is holding KK. The stupid lady folds. Turn is a Jack. Oh God. Don't do it. The river is another 4. Sweet. Quad You Very Much! And I am sitting on 35K! As all tourneys go when I start out with a lot of chips, I suddenly start to lose them. My KK raise UTG is called by the idiot who calls almost anything when he is on the button. Yeah, I guess he feels the button gives him license to play like a fool and hope to get lucky. Well on this occasion he is sporting 6d8d. Flop comes 10 high with 2 diamonds. I'm not going to bore you with the rest. I bet big. He calls. Turn is a diamond. My flush alert is out so I just check. He checks. Check??? What? Isn't that what you called my flop bet seeking? River is...I don't remember, I bet rather big. He re-raises amount that says "You are drawing dead please call me." FUCK! I look at this guy like I wish his dog would rabies and attack him in his sleep. I just KNOW he has some dogshit flush. I finally fold KK face up...and he shows me his hand. Oh how nice....a straight flush. No wonder he checked the turn. Fucker! A nice 15K hit. I go on an up and down journey and somehow make the final table.

Well, of course now its Red Snapper and Snap Monkey time. All but three players partake. I start making my customary "now-we-are-drinking-red-snappers" run. We get down to 5 and I am now 2nd in chips and feeling very good about my chances to pocket the $1450 for first. I know...big deal, $1450. They all want to chop at five? Huh? Chop!?? There is nothing to chop!?? Nope, no thanks. I'm okay with going out 5th for $400 if that's the case. But chopping now is stupid, besides, I think I am winning this. Well, I go out 5th! Guy raises, I look at AQ. Think I really must have the best hand. He happens to be chipleader. I re-raise all in. He snap calls and rolls over KK. Oh! Ouch. It holds, in fact he turns a set. See ya. Dont regret how I played it. Not at all. He just wasn't supposed to turn over KK. No big deal. I had a 10% save with Rooster, and he collects a little tip from me, as I had from him when he cashed on Sunday. He would then go on to cash the next night. Me? Not so much. Sitting at a table with a bunch of total morons, and Carol the dealer...who kept making comments that were pissing me off...I made a play that I felt was worth making. I had already lost in the first round with AK/AQ/AK...no one would fold to any raise, and my continuation bets were being met with "ALL IN!" I was about to snap. Carol is telling me I am on tilt. To which I reply "Carol, I am perfectly capable of being PISSED OFF without actually going on tilt!" And with that I hid behind the gentle padded earphones of my newly acquired BOSE headphones that my Mother got me for my birthday. A few hands later I am in the BB with A4d. 6 limpers come in for 100. The flop comes 10d-8d-4h. Nice. I check (of course, Captain Check Raise in da Housssse) The lady to my left, who weighs about 95 lbs, has short spikey blonde hair like Pat Benatar, and these fake breasts that look like two oranges stuck to a chalk board (and is about 45 and wearing the outfit of a 24 year old) bets out 350. She gets two calls...then the guy who LOVES to RERAISE people with NOTHING (he has already demonstrated this tactic twice already) decides to make it 750. Some of you may know this clown. And I say clown not knowing him personally. I say clown because (a) I hate the way he plays and (b) he is that jackass who wears that stupid visor that has the fake hair on top of it that would indicate that he has short spikey blonde hair on top. A hair-visor. While in Tunica I saw him wearing it and at first was fooled and thought it was really his hair, at which juncture I simply thought to myself "dude, arent you a litlte old to be wearing your hair in that style!???" Until I figured out it was a prop. It got ridiculous the next day when he entered the poker room not only with the same stupid hat on....but towing an Asian guy with him who was wearing the same stupid hat. OH COME ON!!!!

Back to the hand. I see a golden opportunity to scoop up....mmmmmm lets see....100x6, $600 plus $50 for the SB who for some unknown reason folded getting 12 to 1 on his money. $650 plus...$350, $350, $750...what's that? $2100? Yeah. So I send my kids out into the yard to rake up the leaves. All $7200 of them. The BEEBEES on the CHALKBOARD calls, after much angst. The next guy ALSO CALLS! And our little buddy with the stupid hat...INSTA CALLS! WOW, sure hope I hit a Diamond. The lady has JJ. Hmmm. Limp UTG with JJ? Good play. The second guy has, ready? Kd4d. Ha! Hat guy has an even BETTER hand. He has 4-8 offsuit, two pair. Well, a diamond and I am sitting on....about 35k like the day before. If I miss, I get to leave this band of idiots! Turn is a J, non diamond. Giving the Cougar Wanna Be a set. The river is a blank....I am gone, she has a ton of chips (I find out later she didn't even cash, nice!) and the cry of SEAT OPEN rings out through the poker room! I immediately leave the casino! That is the only tourney score I made last week.

My cash game odyssey at Isle was much more exciting...but as I look down at the clock in the corner of my laptop I notice that it is now 3 am in the freaking morning and I have to play in 7 hours...so I will write about that on my next entry. Hopefully, I will also have some happy tails from this creepy corner of the world, and possibly my 25 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME to make you laugh, cry or scream. What you have to look forward to are stories of me showing bluffs to Squirrel and The Claw at the same table on the same night and getting the silent treatment from Squirrel for over an hour and driving The Claw to almost claw my eyes out! You get to hear about me and another player who decided to fake gayness and drink Buttery Nipples all night. You will hear about the crazy, nutso Poker room supervisor who went psycho on our table (Redhead Ive never seen before named Kendra) and had us all scratching our heads and thinking or saying "what the fuck was THAT all about!???" You will get to hear my take on the bathrooms at the Isle...which are apparently geared strictly to midgets, because like the rides at your favorite amusement parks, you must be a certain height to get on. Just walk in there one night...do your business, then go and try to resolve your personal issues in the mirror. If you are over 5'6 you will be staring directly at....YOUR NECK. I will share with you my valet parking story from the Isle, the one that has me sitting out there...waiting, and waiting, and waiting.....for 37 minutes....to get my car. Then the awkward moment when the guy FULLY expected a tip after FINALLY bringing my car. You will hear about the night we spent with the Skinny version of Santa Claus at our table...a man who may look like Santa Claus...but that is where all comparisons stop. A man who could use a shower/bath like I could use a top 3 finish in a $1000 buy in tourney! You will hear about my late night birthday gathering at our home playing YAHTZEE and UNO with five of Squirrel's hottest friends til 6 in the morning. You might even get to hear about me getting to clean up the house the next morning. You WONT hear about me winning the bad beat jackpot, cuz it didn't happen! Okay that's it...I have fulfilled my obligation and fired off another painfully long entry!!!! Good night everyone!

MONKEY