Fun Day....and some money finally!

Okay lets get this going.

We are on break of the 7pm...I have an obscene amount of chips, 26k...after busting a ladie's AA with my KK. She raised UTG. I re-raised her and she flatted. I flopped K-2-3. Check raised her all in. Wow. A good turnout too...this would be a really nice score. But disaster is always just around the corner.

So. Yesterday. Im on a 10 minute break and my battery is about to die, so I doubt I will finish this here in this sitting. I show up...wait. Honestly, oh yeah thats right...I was only 20 mins late yesterday. And I got a great table. Table 56, seat 6. A table that never breaks. And a good seat. Had a weird table. 4 solid players. 3 complete psychos. And 3 wild cards. And a guy next to me, who spoke some other language...never could figure it out...and for the first half of the day his SON was in the 1 seat. Every time his son won a hand there was this long gleaming look in his eye towards his father, seeking out acceptance. It was touching...but also kind of creepy. And dear old Dad had the WORST breath on the planet. Horrible. So bad that I had my whole end of the table taking shots at busting him just to spare me the misery. Thanks guys! But somehow he just refused to lose. Every time he doubled up it was like a Mega Bad Beat!

I would hover around the average all day for 4 levels, then came the big hand that catapulted me into contention. 423 players started...the biggest field since I got here. at 200/400, three players limped and I picked up QQ. The nasty QQ. I raised to 2200. First two guys folded. And this twerp who was at my table the previous day...I'm calling him a twerp now because of  how he played this hand...nearly whacking me from the tournament again in pure donkey-rific style like all these other assholes. He calls my raise with 6c9c. Yeah. 2200. The flop comes 6s-7c-10c. Not the worst flop for him. On a previous hand he had tried to 'outplay' me by betting 3k into a hand where I had A10 on a 7-9-6 board and I just shipped in his face. To which he folded. Punkass bitch.

So this time...he shoves all in for 15k. Fuck it. Im not folding to this clown. I called. Saw his hand...was incredulous, then turned my attention to the dealer and begged him not to fuck me. He didn't, shockingly...and I now had over 35k. Awesome. I would hover around 35k-55k for a long time....then we went to dinner. Joe Cutler, my buddy had managed to get to 90k after a sick heater...and then...got moved to MY TABLE! Wow, nice situation there. Plus we have never played a tourney table together...so it was just shaping up to be a lot of fun.

We went to dinner, hung out in his room, and discussed the makeup of the table. I was confident...but always a bit nervous at this stage. I have seen so many disasters late in these Deepstacks events. But one good thing I had going for me was with Joe on the button, there wouldn't be someone else stealing my BB, and if he did raise me and I had crap I would just dump it...but if I had a big hand, I was fairly confident he would fold to a re-raise. We didnt trade a percentage, so there was no 'deal' that would keep him from whacking me...and he is partially backed, so he wasnt going to lay down AA or KK probably...but we are friends, and somethings are more important in life than putting a buddy on the rail...and Joe is one of those guys who thinks like I do.

Well, one of those moments arrived, twice actually, after dinner. He raised me on the button and I looked down at 77. Now against another player, would I have re-raised here? I don't know. Maybe. But maybe not. Can't really say. So I just flatted. And when the flop came K-10-7...I was pretty happy. I wasn't about to check raise Joe. So I led out a healthy amount. He called. Oh boy. He has a K. And I don't really want to cripple him. But at the same time...if he has QJ...I really dont want to set myself up to get busted either...so when the turn produced an 8 I think I just grabbed a large stack of red chips (5k each) and hurled them....

"Ohhhh Monkey!!!!" And tells me he has a King. Is that it? Okay...well good then, you can fold. Which he did and showed the K. Glad that didnt get messy.

A little while later he lost a big hand to a guy who hit a one outer gutshot. It was sickening. Then he lost another race and was getting down around my stack. When the guy on his right raised...into two small stacks in the blinds, which he had been doing a lot of, Joe looked down at 88 and moved all in for like 80k. The guy tanked and finally called with KK. Holy shit. Well, just like Joe had been doing all day (having already snapped AA with KK earlier with a K on the river) he turned an 8...sick, again, a one outer, as the other 8 had been mucked by someone. And now he was back to over 150k. Sweet.

A bit later he raises in early position and I look down at KK. Wow. Well, I can't smooth call. And I just hope Joe doesnt have AA. I take his 12k raise and make it 45k. Everyone folds around to him, and he mucks quickly. Whew. He now had 140k and I had around 100k...and we were only about 6 from the money. Looking good!

I would find QQ 5 from the money. Oh God! Not this again. I raise...and luckily everyone folded. And then we got right down to the bubble pretty fast. We had this guy from, I think France, who was tanking every freaking hand...until it started to piss off the whole table. He was doing the 'stall to cash' manuever, and it was getting stupid. Joe finally called the floor to bitch about it. Someone had to. So he was now given a minute to act on EVERY hand...which he took his watch out and started timing himself. Pathetic. And while he was in the midst of one of his 'tank jobs' he lucked out...as the bubble bursted. Yeah...'Aqua-man' was in the money. You can climb out of your tank now, you FISH!

So the money was finally reached on this trip. I ordered up a round of red snappers, but the reception was lukewarm from the others. Whatever. I felt good. Relieved. But was also focused to get after it and try to grow a stack that I could come back to the next day and make a deep run with.

It was a pretty good money field. Dwight "The Duke" Pilgrim, just in from Foxwoods, where I think he won something else...was making a big run. He had only 27k at the dinner break when Joe and I talked to him...but like he's been doing all year, he went on a huge run. When we re-drew all the tables after getting in the money, he was at 250k. The guy is sick.

Another solid player from the Gulf area, Josh Palmer, was also in the money with a decent stack. He would eventually finish 10th, which he was upset about...after having just missed out on a botched chop deal.

Joe and I would get placed at the same table again. Not sure how I felt about that...but whatever, if nothing else, we were having a great time. I got this kid on my right, named Hayden, who claims to be a dealer in town. He was very nutso, calling with a lot of goofy hands...but getting very lucky at least three times, until he had around 300k. But he was being very careless...and I was hoping to go shopping at his chipstore in the future. He was also drinking Snappers with me...and they were having the opposite effect for him that they do for me. I play better, get sharper...more confident. This kid was falling apart. Playing every hand. Making loose calls in bad spots. But luck kept saving him. I have no idea where he finished overall, I'm very curious. He was not a good player. Nice kid. Bit of a spaz...but not a good player.

We quickly went from 45 down to 38, and the payline went up a small notch. Meanwhile, this guy in the 1 seat was raising my BB every time he had the opportunity, and it was getting old. I started feeling like if I didn't put my foot on his neck, it would never end. So at 3k/6k...he raises me to 18k. Crazy boy on my right flats. Hmm...checking out that pot....over 40k. I have 85k in my stack. And I look down at As10s. I hadn't played back at anyone once since the redraw. And I figured if the kid behind me was just calling, he couldnt be strong enough to call another 75k or so. And furthermore, if I could stick my stack in this guys face in the 1-seat, he might just quit raising me so much. Solve two problems. And who knows...if he calls light, I might just be ahead and win for a double up.

So I moved in. This guy tanked for over 5 minutes. I really felt like he was going to fold...which, honestly...as long as he was taking, I didn't care either way. The more he stalled, the better I felt about my hand. So when he finally DID call, he turned over 99. Hmmm...big call there for half his stack. And I don't mind the call, holding two overs and being suited. I feel awesome when the flop comes J-10-8...but not great, as he's open ended. When a 10 of clubs hits the turn...I now have trip tens...he still has his open ended straight draw...and now, he has added a damn flush draw to the mix. Shit. Fade it, fade it...hell PAIR THE BOARD! But Austin (the dealer, who has worked his way onto my shit list this trip for reasons I won't get into) puts a damn 4 of clubs on the river...for the sick river beat. Oh I just felt my innards leave my body. Tim Burt had just gotten there, as had McLean Karr...and the few people I was friendly with at the table all let out a collective gasp, and made that all-too-familiar face...the "Oh dude...that fucking sucks man!" face.

I went and got my payout. Wished Joe luck...and wormed my way over to the 1/2 game to decompress. Joe would come to visit me with bad news within half an hour. As he was now out! Oh jeeezuz, what? He had two big hands go wrong...and then jammed 4-5 shortstack into the BB's AJ...the same guy who whacked me with his 99...and the AJ was good. So Joe and I both failed to reach the final table. Sucks. NO idea who won the event. I know Dwight had a big chiplead going to the Final Table...and I heard they might have done a 4-way chop...but in talking to Dwight, I know he was wanting to win...as he has a good shot at taking over the #1 spot on the Cardplayer POY leaderboard...so I would assume he either demanded to play it out, or negotiated to sign for first. Well, good for him...he's having an awesome year.

I booked a little 1 hour profitable cash session, then walked back to Bally's.

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Joe made a pretty astute observation during the tourney that I hadn't really thought about, but which really hit home. About how circumstantial things can be sometimes. If I had rented that car...and drove to LA, and played there? Chances are I would have NEVER been back here on Tuesday night. I would have never played in that SNG with Lance Funston. I would have never gotten staked in the 5k...and right now, instead of laying in bed chilling out writing this...I would be at the Venetian, grinding, all stressed out...in the Mega Satellite, trying to get into the Main Event.

And then the next tourney I would again play well, and this time avoid landmines (like that putz' 69) and make the money, to restore a little confidence. Not getting deep was a bummer...but hey, bad beats happen.

But Joe was right, things could have been a whole lot different if I had gone to LA. One thing I do have to apologize for. To Lance. I probably should NOT have told so many people that he is staking me in the 5k. Why? Pretty simply. Poker players (a lot of them) tend to be pretty desperate. I only told a few people because I was excited. I had been running really unlucky all trip, and to have that happen was just very uplifting. But in telling people, I opened the door to some to approach him about staking THEM...even though they have NO relationship at all with the guy. I've already had a couple guys ask me if I could 'put in a good word for them and see if he would think about staking them.' Ugh. All I did by telling these people was endanger any possible future arrangement with Lance. So when I see him tomorrow, it will be the first thing I do...to apologize for opening the door to that crap.

I shared this with my current backer, and as always, she is 100% supportive of me on it. And to reward her for sticking by me through thick and thin...I am giving her half of my action. No matter how you slice it...this field will be huge, if I can cash...everyone wins. One thing I didn't discuss with Lance is if my take is after the buyin is pulled out...or just 60/40 on the total won. If its the former, and I cash light...well, I won't win much. Probably about $1000 or so. But hey...whatever, if it means I line myself up for more future buyins into big events...great! After all, that is my goal...to be playing all the 5k and 10k events in my pursuit of a 1million dollar score, a score that will allow Squirrel and I to have a 'real' life that doesnt involve me being gone 40 weeks of the year.

I love poker. But I love Squirrel more. And I want to get back to doing things that I miss, like going to races, and ball games and concerts with my wife. Getting back into coaching a little league team. Maybe playing on a co-ed softball team with Squirrel. Cut back to playing about a 1/3rd as much. It would surely make me enjoy it more. Right now I am finding little joy when I play. And that sucks. I still enjoy the human intereaction, and its always nice to see a lot of the people I really do like...but for the most part, its really making me crazy. And I just turned 43. Squirrel is coming up on 38...and if we are going to have a baby...we need to get after it. I do not want to have visited this planet and not procreated while I was here. Plus...I just really want to have a little SquirrelMonkey running around the house. And I want to be there to see him/her grow up.

*************************************************************

The 7pm nightly that I was writing about when I started this? It ended badly. A guy in the 10 seat who kept shove, shove shoving over and over....I would have taken out two different times if I had just clicked on CALL! But I folded....and kept getting blinded down. Then I raise with 55. 3500 on the raise. Lady moves in for less, and the BB moves in for another 3700. Damn. I had to call. I flopped a set of fives! Awesome. The lady had AQ. The BB had KK. The board goes runner runner...river was a K....I went in 3rd....was 1st on the flop...then 3rd after the river. She had a straight. Damn. That hurt...and it was all downhill from there. Got down to 28....paying 18...and I had to get it in with 10 BB's, holding Ad3d. Ran into the BB's AQ. Ouch. He hit the Q...didnt matter...I was out. Bummer.

But then I went and sat down in a $130 sng. Had a $100 last longer with two other guys. And a $25 last longer with 8 others. I started slow. But I am very patient in these. Then got a double up. Then got hit with the deck. Then lost a bunch. But hung around while the other two guys made bad shoves at 200/400 and got caught....and knocked out...and when the smoke cleared, it was me and the other guy left standing. A nice little $800 victory to end the night! Woo hooo!

From there it was off to Bally's to change, then quickly back to Venetian, where I went to Tao to meet Joe and McLean. It was typically crowded, packed with America's hottest females, all 20 years younger than me and with that 'I'm way hotter than you' attitude. I've kind of come to terms with the fact that I am now offcially TOO OLD to even talk to these broads anymore. Which is just fine. I was there to hang with my boys, anyway. We had a little fun, I stayed put at our table, had a couple cocktails...and around 4, called it a night. I think the only thing watching all these tight-bodied girls does is inspire me to get back to the gym. I guess the only thing I was wishing for was that my lovely wife was there. When she is in Vegas, and gets all dressed up for the clubs...she looks every bit as hot as these chicks...and she is 15 years older than most of them. I always feel very proud when I am out with her.  :)


So wow, I think I have finally caught up on everything. I am now laying here in my bed...at 4:42pm, plotting my next move today. Not sure if there is a 7pm tourney tonight. Wouldnt mind maybe playing that. Or a couple of SNG's. Or hell, maybe go hang out at O'Sheas...have a Subway sandwich, and play some sidewalk poker on a Vegas Friday night. Might be kind of fun and stressfree. Just want to make sure I am in bed by 1am...get my solid 8 hours of sleep, and come in tomorrow ready to play my 'A' game in the Main Event. The structure looks really nice. 30k in starting chips. Hour levels. Kind of weird...their is no 100/200 levels, but instead, a 150/300 followed by a 150/300 with 25...which I guess is just fine. There should be a LOT of pros...I am hoping to get Daniel Negreanu at my table. He is one guy I have never played at the table with. I'm pretty excited for tomorrow to get here. I will try to post live updates as often as possible.

Hope you all have a great weekend, wherever and whatever your doing!!!!

MONKEY

Now for the "CASH" story!

Yeah sorry bout that...wasnt meant to be a tease! I just really have to get to this stupid tourney on time if I expect to have any chance. Due to the horrible structure you really need to get to over 20k by Level 5 or your into the shove it all mode. And this people are SO bad. I really have no idea where they come from. I'm not lying at my table right now is two people who don't understand the concept of the SB/BB. Whoa. Should be fun.

They have put up 15 new tables for the Main Event, and they came out with all the Pokerstars room decor today. The tables are the big ones...and they are using them for the 7pm tourney. Thats nice...at least we have leg/arm room for this joke. Ohhh...just flopped four to the flush...lets see what we can muster here. Bets 150. I call. No need to get silly yet. This early. Another caller.Turn 5. Spade. Ugh. River...BRICK. See ya. Not bluffing these fools. No river b luff. I WIN WITH KING HIGH!!!! One guy was open ended the other guy has absolutely nothing. And I'm chipleader!

Holy shit! We have the DUMBEST player I have EVER seen at my table. WOW! I just raised to 225 with AQ. Dodo calls. Flop comes AJ5. He announces raise. He is first to act. He bets 500. I raise to 1600. He calls. Turn is an 8. He checks I bet 2500. He calls. WTF? No idea. River is another 8. But a diamond. Flush would be good. He checks. I bet 2500. He calls again. I show. He mucks. Okay. Next hand. I limp with 9s10s. He calls. Flop comes 9-6-5. I bet 200. He calls. All others fold. Turn is a J. I bet 200. He calls. River is a 6. I bet 200. He riases to 500. Wow. Okay. I call. He turns over 25. Offsuit. No shit. Ya. Another winner. The table is now mad at me cuz I am getting all his chips. Holy shit. A guy just bet the flop...THE FLOP...and he folded. He has played every hand. I took that last one off. Here comes another one. Ahh...3-7 off. No good.

I think I will wait til our first break and try to bang out the rest of this....this is just too good to miss a single moment of!!!!!!

MONKEY

FINALLY! A cash...only took two freaking weeks!

But hold on...since we are getting current, lets start with today's debacle. I arrive in the middle of Level 2, standard. I have 8 good players at my table. All of whom I know fairly well. Okay, good! I like that. Unfortunately I am also at one of those tiny-ass stud tables. And its an early breaking table. Oh well.

I get 7 pairs early. 33, 44, 55, 77, JJ, 66, and 44 again. I lose with them all. I win two big pots. Both on semi bluffs. I fail to pull the trigger on two others. I get caught in one. Our table breaks...and despite all the ups and downs, I still have close to a starting stack. 11k. Get moved to Table 61. Oh god. I sit down. I see Dave Kopacz's wife, Stacy. Dave was just at my other table. Stacey is a very, very tight tourney player. And we are friendly. No one els at the table makes sense. And in the 7 seat is MR ASSHOLE. The guy from two weeks ago, the prick who decides to show me the bluff with a huge pot, deep in a tourney that I almost/should have cashed. The dick who would make the final table. Its safe to say that I despise this guy. And he is so ugly. Big, muscular, but just ugly. With a porn-stache. I am being told by guys to my right that he has already shown the bluff on three seperate occasions. Lovely.

You know who he is? he is that guy in high school who never, ever got laid. He tried, and he tried...but somehow, girls just found him repulsive. So what is doing now? He is finding joy in the things that anyone like me and my cool friends would never have to resort to. Why? Because he is a punk. A 40+ year old loser punk. I put a 'silent $50 bounty' on him with my end of the table. He starts telling the table "Dont worry, he'll give away his chips." The hatred festers.

Third hand at the new table. Me with 11,500 chips. Blinds 100/200. UTG limps. One caller. Two callers. Three callers. I have KK on the button. Think about making it 1000. But I'm tired of playing strong hands too heavy. I make it 800. Who calls? How about EveRYONE. Flop comes A-Q-8. Two spades. Great. Everyone checks to me. I'm frozen. I check. 7 on turn. Thug looking jackass with his straight-billed ball cap makes it 1600. Older guy in his brand new Texas A&M hat (Aggies suck!) calls. Monkey folds. And sighs. River is a spade. Mexi-Thug bets 2700. Aggie lover calls. Thug folds. I demand to see the cards. It went to showdown. I want to see his effing cards! He freaks out. Whatever. Sure, maybe its questionable poker decorum, but I want to see what these assclowns are calling 4x raises with. For my own information. And I am entitled. The floor is called. I win. I get to see his cards. 5-7 off suit. Holy shit. The other guy had Q9s. Not a gem either...but he was last in...so it could be argued that he was priced in. wonder if they'd have folded for 1k. Fucking sick how these people play.

So a few hands later, after the dust settles, I pick up KK again! Okay...lets get creative. I limp for 200. And super douche makes it 800. Sweet. I whisper to the guy next to me that I was laying a trap for the fucker. Mr. 5-7 calls the 800. How perfect. Folds around to me. I look at shitball's stack. He has about 7800. I raise top 4000. Why you ask? Because I think he might just call or ship. Which...to my non-amazement becuase he is JUST THAT BAD...he does. Turns over AQ. Ugh. Hate seeing the ace. Couldnt he just have KQ? Flop comes......5......6........9. Okay good so far. Turn comes........3....okay okay...just one more to go......and the river.............dont do it Stephen....dont do it.....just put like a J out  there buddy......come on....get this prick outa here....please.....FUCK! MOTHERF#*&(#@*(&$  Ace on the river. I literally felt like I just got kicked in the stomach. Stephen looks at me with a panicked look that says "Oh my god Monkey, I'm sorry, please dont kill me, please don't blog about me...." Don't worry Stephen, I like you, its not your fault. I know you were rooting for me there. Unreal. Just sat there....in stunned silence. And dickface over there was, for once...not cooing after winning a hand. I was just numb.

I would get some satisfaction. I sat there folding one shitty hand after another, sitting on only 1800...but not about to give up. French guy limps early for 200. It folds to Captain Cocksucker in the BB. He raises to 800. The Frog calls. The flop comes J-10-6. Two hearts. Dikky bets out 1500. Frenchy raises to 5000. Why, exactly I'm not really sure, but he does. And the fuckbird goes all in. Snap call...frenchy? 10-10-10. Dumbshit? AJ. Q on the turn gives him a sweat...and the table grumbles....but he misses the river...and is now down to about what I have. Stupid motherfucker.

Five hands later he goes all in with A5 and gets called, and felted by "The Aggie" with QQ. See ya later cockboy. Hope a bus hits you out on Las Vegas BLVD.

Uh oh...its now 6:46. I really want to be on time for this shit storm of a tourney. They like to give away chips early in this shitshow.

Oh...how did I go out? The blinds went to 200/400/. I was UTG...first card was an Ace...I was down to 1400. I chucked my stack before getting the 2nd card. It was a 2. Yikes. Whatever. I ran into, what else? KK. I flop a 2...just walked away...figured if I sucked out I would hear that sound...you know it.? That group.....OHHHHHHHH!!!!! To which I would have returned. That sound never came. I lose. Damn Kings. Damn Donkeys. Damn February. Damn 2010. Damn Poker. Dammit!

Okay you know what? Im taking this to the table. I'll finish it there!

Monkey

While in Vegas....try not to be any of these!

What would be great is if I were snapping quick pictures of these people when these 'situations' arise. In fact, I will try to be better about doing JUST that...because if i can't run good in poker, at the least, I should be able to be a good blogger for your reading entertainment, right?

Every day I am walking (which, thankfully, is good for my health) the half mile or so from Venetian to Bally's. I am witnessing some very interesting things. Some of which cause me to feel very good about my own life.

There are pedestrian bridges that go over the roads. One such road is Flamingo. Flamingo...this road that has been under construction now for, I shit you not, over three years now. Just what in the hell they are doing under that road, I would love to know. I am starting to think they are building a secret bunker the size of a city under there. It's just weird.

On these bridges, there are homeless people. I am guessing they congregate there because the casinos run them off from their doorsteps. There is 'Crazy Eyes Malone', there is 'Mopey Mary', of course 'Harry the Harmonica' and then 'Why Lie I Need a Beer Guy' the same people every day. With the same pitch. Mopey Mary might be the most pathetic and least inspiring of the professional moochers. Sitting there, up against the concrete wall, sitting indian style, in her dirty clothes, with her gritty hair...just looking down at the ground, and her cup. Never looks up. Never talks. Just sits there...moping. Every fucking day. Wow. You have to admire her consistency.

Walking home from Venetian last night...this is what I witnessed. I am NOT making this up. First up...husband and wife walking...well, HE was walking. He was about 5'11 165. She was about 5'10 220. She was shit faced. He was...well, we'll call him sober'ish. She could NOT walk. It was like he was wrestling an alligator. And she was hollering at him. What she was saying? No clue. Poor guy.

Next up. Pissed off Patty. Three girls walking towards me...all clearly trashed, but no where near as shitty as Patty. I hear this exchange..."we arent going there...its too late." "Fuck you Brenda...its MY BIRTHDAY!!!" "Fuck me? No! FUCKKKK YOUOOO you bitch!!!!" Good friends. Good times.

I duck into Denny's to have a double order of 'nowhere near as good or close as Waffle House's' hashbrowns and some milk. Dropping into a table behind me, two older ladies who looked like the sisters on the Simpsons. Sporting accents that I took for Upstate New York. They were excited about their tickets to go see the 'Price Is Right' show here at Bally's the next day. Then they start arguing over what the asterisk means on the menu next to each item. They go back and forth on this for at least 5 minutes before I can't take it any more and finally let them in on the little secret. "Its a Denny's recommended healthy choice."

I pay, I tip. I leave. 50 more feet down the sidewalk, two fat girls are coming in my direction...one looking VERY angry. Oh she is....or about to be. "I swear to God! if we get to McDonalds and its fucking closed...I am going to be fucking PISSED!!!!" Hmmm...yeah, I happen to know that this McDonalds that she was speaking of...is indeed closed at 2:20am. Someone was probably about to be dead. I started walking faster.

Finally arrive at Bally's. Make it to the elevator without incident. Uh oh...someone's arm is poking through the door. I press the 'OPEN' button. And in stumbles "The Woman". Oh boy. She starts talking. I can't understand her. She IS speaking english. And she has a noticeable Wisconsin accent. I ask her if she is from Wisconsin. Yes she is. Oops, I have now engaged her in conversation. Big mistake. Oh shit. She is also staying on the 22nd floor. Oh no. She is about 48. Not horrible looking. But clearly worn down by years of alcohol abuse. And she is loaded. I think she is bitching about her husband. Can't be certain. Im pretty much just nodding and mmhmmm'ing her...but its not slowing her down. Jeezuz. All I can smell is vodka. And bad perfume. Come on elevator...COME ON! We finally arrive. We get out. She is still talking. Please dont follow me, please dont follow me.........

Whew...she breaks right. Good night! Then...as I am approaching my room, I hear screaming. More screaming. Then...uh oh...crying. Then screaming. A demand for a passport and the desire to go to hell issued. Then...into the hallway...a short, fat woman of about 30...bawling. And now she wants to tell me why this person in the other room is an asshole. Oh no! So what do I do? I pretend like I am French! I started speaking in the only French I know. Pretty sure I said something like "I have only a pencil for the late night cinema that I would like for going to have breakfast with my sister, thank you." She bought it...and I was homefree. Ahhhhhh....the privacy/sanctity of my room. And Tim was nowhere in sight...for like the 4th night in a row. Not sure where he is or where he goes...but he is very good about staying gone. I am now convinced he is the best poker roomie EVER.  I attempted to read some more of my very exciting novel, 'HONG KONG' but was asleep before I even checked my email.

Couple other things before I end this one and  start the one that ends in me finally cashing a mothereffing noon tourney out here...which happened yesterday (Wednesday).  There needs to be a manual written for
people who visit Las Vegas. For 'How to Walk in a Casino." Or rather, how NOT to walk. There is nothing worse than always being in a hurry to get somewhere and never being able to get by people. There is the couple on the escalator who HAS to be side by side. HELLO! Excuse me! OUTA MY WAY! Me and Squirrel I know for a fact NEVER do that! She stands on one stair, and I stand on the one below her. Hence, allowing people in a hurry to pass by us.

Then there are the FAN OUT walkers. Usually its 3 or more of them. They travel in packs/herds. They are usually gawking at their surroundings, and walking very slow. Occasionally one of them has a camera, and wants to slow down to snap a photo of an inanimate object. At any rate, to get caught behind them is a pain in the ass. HELLO!!! Single file bitches! MOVE! Get the HELL out of the way! Please quit staring at the damn ceiling and watch where you are going! They have these intersections at Venetian...and its inevitable that major collisions occur at these crossroads for morons. I about flattened this lady today. But at the last second I hollered at her...'HEADS UP' and she just avoided getting hip checked into a blackjack table.

Okay thats it for this entry. Ahhhh...feel better about getting that off my chest. Now let me write the good one...before the battery on my Dell mini dies, and I have to go downstairs and play the scary 7pm DonkFest. Looks like I now have only 40 minutes til then.

Monkey

Birthday BuzzKill...with a happy ending.

The slump continues....

And I am now 43. Yikes.

Got some comments that I didn't publish over the 'flossing' episode. I think some of you missed the point. I immediately QUIT flossing as ordered by the little dictator. Not sure why or how some of you find it 'gross' as its not really interfering with anyones 'zone' or anything. And I'm not bleeding from the gums or anything. And the floor people/supervisors who 'matter' there told me to totally discount the admonishment that I recieved, even though I didnt. Next issue.....

Yesterday sucked. That would be Monday. I never left my room. I sat here and caught up on all the things I had to get caught up on. Mainly that included writing out about 23 checks to people who have won money in my pools...and mailed them out. I decided to hop on Pokerstars for one late session. 6 games. Got big stacks in 5 of them...only to get sucker-punched in each and every one of them. ZERO cashes.

I was going to drive over to LA last evening but it started getting too late, then I found out my buddy Chris Bruno was up in the mountains with his fiance and wouldnt be home til this morning. So the plan was to get up at 7am...wander down to the lobby, rent a car...and get out of here. Drive to Commerce, and play the 1pm $335 over there. Here is what happened instead:

Walk to lobby of Bally's. Find Hertz counter. Find sign that says, "For your convenience we have relocated our counter to Paris Casino." Oh...yeah, thats VERY convenient...that entails another 15 minute walk...in a sleep induced stupor. I get there. Wait in line for 20 minutes. "I need a car for two days, please?" She needs my lisense and credit card. I give her my ID and my credit/debit card. I am informed that on debit cards...they run a CREDIT REPORT! Yeah...a freaking credit report! Why? "That's just our policy." Huh? So, to rent a car I have to damage my credit with an inquiry? That's utterly ridiculous. Then I ask how much the rental will be. $89.99 a day, plus tax. So...we'll call it roughly $110 a day. Plus fuel. "How long before you have me in the car and out of here?" I am told about 45 minutes. Okay...you know what? Screw this. Screw going to LA today. I am marching back upstairs, getting another 3 hours of sleep and playing at Venetian.

Which is what I did. Then, waking up at 11:15 was a bitch. But I pulled it off. Cruising the sidewalk on the way to Venetian I ventured into O'Sheas...on my mission to secure a Subway. Passing the scruffy faced midget dressed up as the St Patty's Day Elf...hollering at everyone to come in and play one of their games, with a heavy emphasis on their 'World Famous Beer Pong'...I wandered to the back to find a line 15 deep in Subway. Dammit! Gotta pass. Not good at waiting in lines. Plus its 10 minutes to 12 and I have a real shot at being on time today.

Arrive at tourney. Draw early breaking table. It breaks early. Move to table 58...and wow, within ten minutes I was having it out with quite possibly the craziest player I have ever witnessed at a table. This guy was NUTTTTTS! I had sat, said hi to the 4 or 5 players I knew at the table, and joked about a few things. Had most of the table 'broken in' and was ready for a good day. Then 'IT' happened.

Black guy in the 1 seat...wearing some ridiculous glasses that made him look more like Urkel than anyone 'from the hood' which is what he kept trying to represent...suddenly snaps when I am on my phone and NOT away from the table...even though their rule there clearly states you have 'til the 2nd card hits the button to be off your phone' or your hand is dead. Well, the dealer hadn't even finished washing the deck and he was whigging out...demanding that my undealt hand be killed.

I really meant to take this guy's photo. You really needed to see this guy. After he was done jawing with me...he started in on the rest of the table. First it was the guy next to him...who, allegedly, kept stepping on his foot. Then...he couldn't stand that I knew so many people there, so he kept suggesting that there was a conspiracy. Then he started complaining that two of the players at the table were 'cheerleading' for me. Then he started openly telling the footstomper next to him that he 'hopes he loses' whenever he was in a hand. Then he starts hailing Obama...over and over...and accusing us of being McCain supporters. When I told him I actually supported Obama in the recent election, he was stumped. The guy would win a hand...and literally...state after winning the hand...."That is for Obama. Because Obama is great!" Whoa.

At one point, I suggested the irony in the fact that Obama's people would likely never let this guy within 100 yards of Obama. I asked him...because I really wanted to know if this clown had half a clue as to why he supported Obama, or if he was a fan simply because they shared the same skin color. His response? "Because he was smarter than McCain...cuz he went to Harvard Law School." Well, I can't disagree with him on that point...I think Obama definitely posseses more intelligience than McCain.

At any rate, this guy was 100%, certifiably insane...and the floor was getting really sick of having to come to our table on account of this guy. I am guessing that yesterday was a full moon. It HAD to be. On a later break one of the floor guys tells me, "Oh, I didn't doubt that HE was the problem when I came over to the table the first time...but I know how you feel nervous whenever you're involved, like you may be falsely accused, but when the first thing out of his mouth was 'those white guys' I knew right away who the problem was." Amen.

It would cease to be an issue for me in Level 5. I am in the BB with KQs. SB limps in for 200. I make it 600. He calls. Flop comes K-8-8 with one spade. He checks. I bet 1100. He just calls. Hmmm. Turn is....

THIS IS WHERE I FELL ASLEEP TUEDAY NIGHT. When I woke up on Wednesday, I wrote a very long conlusion to this....when I went to save it, I instead deleted it somehow. That is awesome. What sucks is I think it was very entertaining, and any attempts to duplicate it will surely fall short. It kind of ruined my day yesterday. Well, not totally. I will attempt to wrap it up properly. And there is MUCH more to add...so I will leave that, I suppose to the NEW POST...which will follow this one!

.....the turn is the Q of spades...now giving me a flush draw to go with my top pair. And honestly, I am really putting this guy on k10. So when he fires out 3000 on the turn, I move in...and when he snap calls...I am fearing A8. But no. He shows me 68off. Good gawd. And we all know I don't hit flush draws. So that was it for me.

Obama boys does his little wail, I don't say anything. I just walk over to an empty table, sit...and stew. Then waited...and waited, for a SNG to start up. There weren't any. So I went and played $4/$8 Omaha H/L...which I actually booked a nice little $180 profit before the SNG finally started. I play the SNG. There is a guy who doesn't fold. EVER. Did I say ever? What I meant to say was....EVVVVVVERRRRR!

4 handed I get him to double me up with A10 vs. his A8. Then I decide not to raise when he limps at 200/400 and I have AJ. Why bother? He wont fold. Flop comes J-2-2. Sweet. Or is it? Check. He checks. Turn? Ace. Nice! Or is it? I bet out 600. He calls. River. 4. I bet 2200. All in. He calls. Turns over a 3...um....okay? Then...finally, a 2. You fucking douchebag. I lose my mind. And retreat to another empty table.

Then my day gets better. My trip gets better. My whole world gets better. A $240 SNG gets started. I see a familiar face. Mr. Lance Funston. Mr. "I'll bet 4 red chips and 5 of these purple chips" dealer! You know who he is if you watched the USPC from Atlantic City about 4 or 5 years ago. He is the Chairman of a big company out of Philadelphia. When I first saw him on TV I was like "who the fuck is this clown" like most serious poker players must have. But then I got to know him a couple summers ago. He enjoys me at the table as much as I like him. He is so cool. First, he sits down and tips the dealer pregame. Then, he puts a $100 bounty on....HIMSELF! Yeah. And he will play any two cards. And just doesn't care. One day last summer...after I told him that Squirrel and I just got married, he offered us the keys to his home in Monte-Freaking-Carlo! Wow. He is also good friends with my long time buddy Chad Brown.

This is a guy who just gives the air of not having a care in the world. Must be a great feeling. I'm guessing he has more coin that I can ever hope to see in my life...so when you see him sitting in $100 and $200 SNG's its just kind of funny. He is there for one reason...he enjoys playing poker. Now how do you ever berate that guy if he puts a beat on you? You simply can't.

Well, he finds out its my birthday and demands to put me in the SNG. Wow. Well, okay. I am not real big on handouts/charity...as it makes me feel 'small' kind of, but I think saying 'no thanks' would have offended him, honestly, so I graciously accepted. But now I really wanted to win. Started slow. Table was super aggressive, so that boded well actually. Maybe get a bunch of people out early.

Then disaster. This guy to my left, whom Ive had several altercations with, the most recent in Biloxi. He is really tall, old, and wears all this JESUS garb. But he is anything but what you would expect from a Bible thumper. He's kind of a prick. And plays super-maniacal. So when 6 people limped for 50, and I looked at AK in the BB...I decided to make it 300, thinking it was a good place to scoop 300 chips, or get heads up with an inferior player with a dominated hand and either outflop or outplay them after the flop. But Jesus-Freak-Wannabe just ships all in. Everyone else folds. I am thinking about folding but I know how this jackass plays...so I call.

He turns over 55. Mmmmhmmmm. Bout right. Flop comes Q-10-6. Gee...only 10 outs there...plus any runner runner pair...so hypothetically, 16 outs, yeah? Yeah well, its 'run bad February' so I missed them all. I was left with 200. Wonderful. Waited two orbits before I got it in with 4c5c. Dickball raises over me, and Lance (my hero) calls (with 3s5s) in what I am assuming was an attempt to get the guy out after the flop and allow me a shot to win with a live hand. Pretty nice play. But it backfired. Lance flops 4 to the flush...and moves all in. The douchebag calls, as he hit his A with AQ....and loses on the river to Lance's flush. Sweet. But I was out.

Not two minutes after I bust, Lance asks me if I am playing Saturday in the Main Event. "I am if I satellite in, otherwise, doubtful." To which he responds..."I will put you in....for 60/40?" Holy crap. Really!? Great. And he reaches in his bag, pulls out a bundle of cash and tells me to count it. I tear a $100 bill getting the rubber band off, then count the money. I count $5000. I go to get the torn bill replaced and bring it back and tell him there is $5000 in there. He hands it to me. Jeezuz. Okay. I walk right over to registration and buy in. I print him a copy of my seat assignment, and write and sign our agreement on the back of it. Just to make it official. Not that I would ever dupe anyone...but you know how smarmy people can be these days. Well, when I was buying in I noticed that there was an extra $100. I let him know and gave it to him. He thought that was a big gesture I think...but jeezuz, why would I EVER keep that? Karma? Morals? Ethics? I'm not a douchebag?

So there it was...I was IN THE SHOW! Pressure on me...gone! Poof! Just like that. And now suddenly I felt ten times better about everything. The SNG's were done for the night, so I went and played a little $1/$2 cash game. I was in for $300 and had it up to $600...before I got AA and KK and lost with both to get down to $120. I started shoving then...with AK and 88...eventually getting a call and doubling up. Then with 45 I flop a wheel and get paid off...and decide with a $150 profit, and a tourney coming the next day, that I might as well call it a night. Which I did.


I think I have some things to write about but not sure if I posted them yet. So I will just publish this...and check...then come back and write some more.

MONKEY

Birthday Eve.....and I'm searching for some 'run good'

Its been over a week since I touched base with you all.

I suppose there are reasons that go beyond the obvious. The obvious would be in that I am currently experiencing one of my worst runs ever. And it happens to be occurring while I feel I am playing some of my best poker ever. Which is what has me about to leap off a ledge.

There are a bunch of people who think, or surmise (in my attempts to use a bigger word that carries more emphasis) that due to my getting cleaned out by a certain somebody who might have spent my last dollar by now, that I would be playing more cautiously than usual. That the robbery would have me playing 'not to lose' instead of 'to win' and the overwhelming response that I have to that, is 'not at all.'

These people out here are SO bad, and SO easy to read. I have made very few bad reads. I have made almost 99% good laydowns, and about 95% good calls. And nearly everything is leading to disaster. 

Here are my stats on this trip. I am currently 0 for every noon tournament. I went out 37th on Friday night...paying 36. Yeah..I was THE bubble. I was short most of the day, then caught fire...to get over 100k (with avg at 85k) and thought I would cruise to at least the money. But then I got card dead as hell...playing 7-handed...and fell to 45k. At 4k/8k...I found QQ on the bubble...the dreaded QQ...and when I moved all in? I ran smack into AA. And I was out. And sick. And despondant. Sat out by those gondola rides for over half an hour. Just sat there. The first night here...in the nooner, I went out 8 from the money. Those are my two deepest runs. Had a nice start on Saturday...had my roomie Tim Burt and my buddy McLean Karr at my table...was chipping up nicely, then Kevin O'Leary showed up with his crazy style of play.

He limps in at 200/400...and on the button with KQ I decide not to raise...knowing that he will call with almost ANYTHING. So when the flop comes K-Q-5...I have to assume I am good when I reraise his 600 bet to 3000. He just insta-jams...and when I see the two spades on the board, and know how he plays...I immediately put him on a flush draw. Which was correct. He had Q-3 of spades. Nice hand Kevin. Ace of spades on the turn and I was out. Wonderful. 15 minutes later he whacked McLean. He now had over 80k. In under an hour...HE WAS OUT!

In the 7pm last night...I started good. Then got cold. Then was down to where I was committed in the SB. With 4d5d. Get a raise and 3 calls. Nice. The hands were KK, A10,A10 and me. The board goes 10-7-8. First raiser bets big. Next guy (huge over-bettor all game) goes all in, forcing the KK guy to fold (bad fold). I ask for a 6. I get a 6. Nice! I'm back. Two all ins with no calls...and Im up to 15k. Then this guy raises my BB from the button and I have Ad9d. I jam on him. He calls with KQ off. I make a nut flush on the turn! Now I am up over 40k. We get down to 2 tables. Things are looking good. 1st place is close to 3k. That would really help things out! We get down to 13. At one point I tried to pick up the blinds from cutoff, raising with 10d9d..and had a guy jam 50k back at me. Whoops. Shit. So I only had 28k now.

A guy UTG shoves, and I look down at AK. He has me covered. But he just lost a big hand...so given the circumstances, I have to think I'm good. I call. He flips over AJ. Nice! Til a jack flops. Son of a bitch. And I was out 13th. More heartbreak after another deep run.

Before that damn thing started I played another $130 SNG. On this trip I have won a grand total of 5....FIVE...out of the 27 SNG's I have played. Its not bad enough that SNG-Land has been anemic, with only 1 or 2 going at the same time. It truly has an effect on how you play the thing when you know that if you lose you may be sitting around for over an hour waiting for the next one to start. I mean...first hand of the game and you are sitting there with a middle pair and a flush draw to go with it...if its WSOP at Rio and there are SNG's popping up every two or three minutes you go for it there...but here? You may be inclined to possible fold. Sucks.

Well, out of those 27 SNGs I have played...of the 22 I have lost? I have gotten 3rd place (they pay two winners) SEVEN TIMES! Which translates to $4200. A pretty huge swing. And of those 7...I have had a sizeable chiplead three handed only to get repeatedly run down by shitty hands. The other night it was this lady jamming heavy and me finding AKh in the BB. I called...she had Q9 offsuit. Nice push lady. Q on the turn and I was transformed from a big stack into a small stack and was out the next hand. Last night...with a good chip lead...but at 500/1000...I raise this guy to 2500. He goes all in with 10-9. I had AQ. Flop comes A-Q-5. Nice! This should be over. Turn...J. River? K! Straight. FUCK! Now I am short! I get 88 the very next hand with him raising me. I call. He has AJ. Ace in the window. I am out. 3rd. Again!

Its been that kind of week. Hell its been two weeks now. If it werent for such a nice score on the Super Bowl...I would seriously be contemplating suicide. I have never been on a trip where success was so critical. And yet, I am finding nothing but bad luck.

Meanwhile, I am surrounded by success. My roomie, Tim Burt, took down the $550 Omaha H/L that I played. The trophy is sitting here in my room, taunting me. Joe Cutler final tabled the $550 earlier...taking 7th. Then last night, online..he wins a $33 MTT late night on Full Tilt, pocketing another $3500. Chad "Lil Holdem" Batista...who picked me up on the side of the road the other day while I was walking to Venetian, in his super pimped out Lexus of some sort that he was telling me they only made 350 of...sits down last night and ships the FTOPS for, ahem....only $250,000. Jeezuz effing christ! My boy Ali from Houston won the 7pm the other night. JJ, or Justin...from down in our neck of the woods, won the $350 nooner the other day, the one I bubbled. Michael Hallen from Houston...Ali's travel-mate...won the $350 a few days before that. I mean...damn. Then there is McLean...who is winning everything he touches online it seems. He's up about 200k on the year already. And then there is little 'ol me...getting coolered and sucked out on at every turn. Its getting not just frustrating, but damn depressing.

I really don't know what the answer is. I don't think there is one. And all the guys I respect just keep telling me 'don't worry Monkey, its coming bud...stay with it, don't get too down...it'll happen.' I want to believe them. But every night...I make that long, lonely walk back over here...passing by all the bars, looking in at the people who are either having the time of their lives or are going through the motions. This town is funny like that. You see some of the drunkest people you will ever hope to see, stumbling through casinos, in and out of elevators...down the sidewalks. Its really kind of fucked up. Like when they get off the plane, the drinking contest begins.

Joe Cutler...my buddy, he is a big fan of the strip clubs. I am kind of lukewarm to their presence. In honesty, I really have a lot better time at them when I am with my wife and her friends, or just her. Either way. But nevertheless, I decided to go with Joe one night, and then McLean another night. I won't say I was miserable, but I did not have a great time. The minute you sit down, they just besiege you. I hate it. It finally got so bad I just started telling them..."Look, I am only here because my buddy loves this place (Olympic Gardens), and I am being a good friend. I know you are here to make money, thats cool, and you are going to sit here and tell me how cute I am, pretent to want to get to know me, compliment me and and flatter me...but the truth is? I am having a shitty year, I miss my wife, I miss my dogs, and I would really rather be left the hell alone." Its amazing sometimes how the truth works. So employing that method has gotten me in and out of these places relatively unscathed financially.

Just found out my brother got married. How did I find out? My wife texted me, when she read about it on my brothers' wife's Facebook. Hmmm. How formal.

Just found out my mother joined a gym and has hired a personal trainer. Wow. Its official now. I am now the unhealthiest member of my family. And after almost a year without needing a Prilosec...I have been eating one, sometimes two a day for the last week. Stress? Ulcer? No idea...but I feel like shit.

This upcoming Main Event at the Venetian is going to be huge. And will feature almost ALL of the major pros. I will throw up if I am not in it. But the way I am running right now, despite playing great (I think) means it will be impossible to dump $5k of my backers dwindling bankroll into the event if I don't satellite in. But we are looking at a televised (exposure!) Final Table and a 1st prize that could approach a million bucks! Dammit...I have to get into this thing!

The event at the Venetian is clearly being hurt by the LAPC. The numbers are nowhere what I expected. I mean they are still decent...but not like the over 500 i was expecting for every event. Not that it really matters, right? Since I have yet to cash one of them! The structure is okay. But I really, really hate a couple of things. First, I hate the levels starting at 50/100. And I really hate the jump from 100/200 w-25 ante to 200/400. I really think a 150/300 level needs to be in there. I know that adding levels will stretch it out...but who cares? They have the players coming back at 4 now. Add a couple levels, which will enable us better players to trap and whack some of these bad players early. Then come back on Day 2 at 1 or 2. No big deal. And the whole 10-handed tables thing is driving me fucking nuts. Half the tables are big enough to accomodate 10 players...but still, not comfortably, and half are those little stud tables...when, with 10 players at them, you want to kill yourself. Or the person next to you. Its absurd.

I would understand if they were selling out the tourneys, but they aren't. And all three Main Events that I have played here, they make those 10-handed too. Stupid. I have never played ANY other Main Events where they seat them 10-handed. There is just no reason for it, and the players HATE it. I am a 'space-a-phobe' so it affects me worse than some others, I suppose. And there is always that guy who wants to spread-eagle all over the table...and I start with short bursts of breathing...then there is the nervous twitching...and finally, I just lose it. "DUDE! Will you please stay in front of your drink cup area! Move your friggin chair over, tuck in your damn arms...and quit touching me!!!! (*@&!(&*#@(*&@!!!!!!!"  That usually works.

And of course, the SNG's, still going from 200/400 straight to 400/800 and bypassing the 300/600 level is making me a mental case. Sure, I understand the need to hurry up and get them over..since there is always a line out the poker room waiting for SNG's to start up. Okay, no there aren't, that was sarcasm. They went ahead and started giving 2000 chips for the $80 SNGs instead of 1500. Okay. Nice gesture. But in the $130 SNGs...which also get 2000 chips? No change. I mentioned this to Tim Mix, the tourney supervisor, and he said he would look at it. That was a week ago. No change. I suggested either giving another 500 chips to the $130's or at least adding 5 minutes to the blind levels. Does it make sense that the $80 SNG's have the exact same structures as the $130's? I don't think it does. Whatever. If it was a perfect world, my 70/30 favored hands would hold up at least 50% of the time.

I can't bitch too much about anything at Venetian, mainly because I really like the staff. The dealers (most of them...there are THREE on this trip that I wouldn't mind never seeing again) the floor people (except for one guy...a little troll who works the cash room, and on the late shift, and who I learned got hired back, begrudgingly, after having left due to 'the stress of the job' months earlier...I won't mention his name here...but one night he decides to scold me for flossing my teeth while at the table, which I followed up with some mouthwash...just like to keep my breath fresh and minty for my fellow player. Wish they would all do this! But he seemed to have a huge problem with it. He threatened to kick me out if I didnt either stop immediately or take it to the bathroom. Wow, what a prick. When I told a couple floor guys about it the next day, they just laughed and told me not to worry about it. That the guy was a 'Napoleonistic asshole' who shouldn't even be working there. Okay, that made me feel much better!) and the cocktail waitresses. I love the room. The music on the other hand. Whoa. It used to be pretty good. But for some reason they have playing the most gawd-awful, make you put a gun-in-your-mouth array of drivel that you could ever imagine this trip. Thank god for my iPod.

Oh....my iPod. So this prick in the 7pm last night....wow. He has already made three or four stupid comments to other players at the table. I am still coming off the steam/rant from that 3rd place SNG finish...and am sitting there at Table 71, which has this one light that shines directly down on you like you are a member of the Taliban or Al Queda in an interrogation chamber...so I have on my baseball hat, my glasses, and my BOSE headphones listenting to my iPod. Not sure how the conversation got started, but I was holding either AQ or AK and again missing the flop agaisnt this very annoying guy in the 10-seat, who has single-handedly driven up the price of gold by purchasing everything you could imagine that has gold included in it....he is taunting me. I say something back...to which 9-seat fuckface throws out this beauty..."Look at this guy, he looks like he works at Radio Shack with all that stuff! And him and his fancy watch (yeah, Buckle...fossil watch, whopping $75) and silver bracelet (also Buckle...another grotesque $22)...this guy is a big shot."'

To which I respond...after pulling my headphones slightly away from my ear..."Yo, Hair club for men...are you in this hand? Did someone ask you to comment? Does your boyfriend know you are wearing his glasses? Nice shirt...did Bruce make that for you or did you buy it at a flea market back home in Temecula? Why don't you just order yourself a Pina Colada, continue to play your hands awful like you've BEEN doing, run out of chips...then go pester the lady at the Bingo parlor down the street? Okay? And when you actually save up enough money to buy a set of headphones like these, I will give you the name of the place where they came from...and it wasn't Radio Shack. If I go near a Radio Shack wearing these..they jump off my head and run away to the parking lot...like you oughta be doing right now!"  I busted him exactly 11 hands later.

******************************************************

O'Sheas on the strip. What a place. Joe Cutler sends me a text message yesterday after going out 3 from the money in the daily rebuy at Bellagio. It reads:

'You know Monkey, as much as I hate my life right now...I am sitting here at O'Sheas..actually at the Subway...eating a sub and watching these losers play Beer Pong, suddenly I feel a lot better.'

Pretty funny, and at the same time...ironic. That place is a trip. I walk by it every day. One night, I decided I would slip in and try my luck at some 1/2. I bought in for $200. Two hours later I cashed out for $1145. It was some of the worst play I had ever witnessed. But aside from the nice score, what it really did was to replace any doubts that I had about my ability to play this game. Sometimes when you are running horrible, you really start to doubt yourself. You really start to believe some of these Mr. Anonymous postings about how much you suck. But alas, you sit down at a table full of people who are truly clueless, and you see how easy this game really can be.

The other thing about O'sheas is the Subway sandwich store. And my desire to eat healthier and lose some weight. I've been hitting that place almost daily, which requires me to walk all the way to the back of the casino. Past the sub-culturous flim flam that frequents the place. It is truly a dump. Dingy carpet, smoky smelling inside. And people who look they rolled out of an episode of 'Cops.' And there, next to the area where I sit to eat my sandwich....is a place where people gather to play BEER PONG. I sit and watch, usually in amazement, at these people. One side, 15 cups, filled with beer. The other side, 15 cups, filled with beer. The object? Toss a ping pong ball into the cup. If you succeed, player from opposing team must pound that beer. And don't worry that the beer is now warm, and harboring a dirty little ball. Not a big deal. And oops...did it bounce onto the floor the three times prior to that? Whatever. Who's counting germs here?

I watch these people, and others like them everywhere I go while I am here, and I wonder...am I missing out on the 'simple things' in life? These people who act like they are having a great time. Maybe they are. Is it bad that I think they are ridiculous? Am I just getting old and not finding the pleasure in those things? Am I mired in some stage of depression? I really want to know the answers...but I am not sure where to find them. I just know that I am running like shit this year. Get robbed. And now can't get ANYTHING to hold up. My house in Pensacola has been vacant now for two months...hired a leasing company thinking they would get someone right in there...and still...nothing. I never, ever had a problem finding a tenant for that place. Its a great house. I just kind of feel like I am in a freaking whirlpool getting sucked down deeper and deeper.

Tomorrow is my 43rd birthday. Good lord. 43? How the hell did I get to be 43? 20 years ago my rooomate in NYC was Chris Bruno. We also played baseball on an all-actors baseball team. Chad Brown was on our team. Chris is still an actor, getting bit roles in movies and TV shows. Not a household name that you would know. But I saw him on NCIS a couple weeks ago, and he looks great. Not much older than when we were roomies. Bastard! J/K. Well, he has invited me to come over to L.A. to hang out, catch up on old times...and then tomorrow, on my birthday, I plan to play the $330 NL tourney at the Los Angeles Poker Classic at Commerce. I have never played over there and would really like to. This, of course requires me to rent a car, pack for two days...and make the 3 hour drive. I am trying to get you guys out a fresh Blog...which we are almost finished with here...then pay all of my people who won money in my pools...which is a LOT...then go to LA. Sounding like a late arrival time into LA right now!

About 2 from the money in the noon tourney yesterday, I saw Cheryl Skeen, who is on my Facebook, and reads this blog a lot. She is out here celebrating her 11-year anniversary with her husband. I met her in a tourney at the Beau Rivage over a year ago. She is a really, really nice lady, and pretty solid player. I hope she got deep or even made the Final Table of that tourney. She stopped to talk to me on a break of a tourney on Friday...yeah, the one I bubbled. She acted like she didn't think I would remember who she was. Come on!!!!! I remember you Cheryl! And thanks for saying hi!

Well, I think that is probably enough. I didn't want to bog this entry down with too much of the depressing poker talk. I think sometimes, when I am running bad like I am on this trip...just sitting down and putting everything down right here kind of clears my head of everything and gives me some fresh perspective on things. I know things could sure be a lot better right now...but at the same time, I KNOW they could be a lot worse. So I will try to focus on the good things I have going on for me right now...and just wait for the bad things to subside, as I am sure, if I'm patient, they will. For those of you out there who care about me and support what I do....thank you!

MONKEY

Dark, Gloomy Days in February at Venetian Deepstacks

"Disgust and despair are my only friend this week. I draw strength from them, strength that affords the opportunity to build a severe disdain for every person I encounter" -Monkeyboy, feb 2010

FORGET POKER....SAINTS WIN, SAINTS WIN!!!!!

AS MUCH AS I WANT TO BLOG ABOUT POKER...I JUST CAN'T. BECAUSE I DONT CARE RIGHT NOW ABOUT MY LOUSY WEEK OF POKER DOWN HERE IN SIN CITY. I REALLY DON'T. OH SURE, ON SATURDAY NIGHT I MANAGED A COUPLE OF SNG WINS, FINALLY. BUT ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS SUNDAY!

So when I made my pregame prediction on my Facebook page of New Orleans 31-Indy 21, I waltzed to the sportsbook and made my plays. $1k on the under for the 1st half, 28 total points. SHIP IT! $500 on the Saints+5. SHIP IT! $200 parlay on the Saints+5/Under 57.5. SHIP IT! And Saints for $300 on the money line at +180. SHIP IT!!!!!!! House full of people at our home in Biloxi...partying until dawn. Wish I had been able to be there. Kai Landry celebrating in the streets of New Orleans...as the clock struck 12 and he started celebrating his birthday with a Super Bowl victory! It could not have been a more perfect ending to the greatest football season ever! In my $25 Survivor Pool...we took the Saints, along with one other guy...while the third guy took INDY. So we chop the win there. My 'alliance' partner in the $50 Survivor Pool...which was down to 4 players...took the Saints when the others all took INDY! Another win...as I had 40% of his action! Then Squirrel goes and wins the 2nd and 4th quarter in one of our $25 Super Bowl Squares boards!

Due to my 'run good' day I was having I decided to go play the 7pm at Venetian. Got there late, like 8pm...and got in when the blinds were already 100/200. Who cares. 130 started...and when we got down to 32 players, and I had an average stack, I thought I might have a chance. I had Barbara Enright on my left...and we had a very pleasant conversation. I watched her make 3 amazing laydowns preflop. Then she dumped her drink in front of me. Maybe that was why, with the blinds at 800/1600...and me looking at QQ in 2nd position...I knew I was going out. The table was wet now...people wanted to go party...and there are those damn Queens. I raise to 4500. And I get re-raised. Lovely. I'm not folding. I move in. He snap calls. KK. Awesome. Then turns a K. Perfect. But no big deal. Nothing could ruin my perfect day.

As much as Joe Cutler and our other buddies wanted to go out...like, say...to a club where girls like to do tricks on the pole....I got to my room, laid down...and magically fell asleep. And never woke up until just now. And I am still ecstatic. And deciding whether to play the $550 NL tourney that starts in 20 minutes, or waiting and playing the Omaha H/L tourney that starts at 4. Hmmmmm.....

TO ALL OF YOU GULF COASTERS THAT ARE SAINTS FAN....CONGRATULATIONS!!!! WHAT A DAY! ENJOY IT!!!

MONKEY

Day 4....nothing but BAD so far....

Sucks being a bad player who is just here trying to get lucky and win something.

:(

Sucks even worse when you play deep into everything, and still have nothing to show for it. That has been my plight, and I am trying not to lose my confidence, or my hope.

I am enjoying the Venetian as always. I am starting, however to kind of not like the structure as much as I used to. Probably due to Jimmy Sommerfeld putting out these unbelievably great structures, kind of spoils you. I am missing the 150/300 levels here...then a couple others. In their SNG's there are no 300/600. Goes straight from 200/400 to 400/800. That is just brutal.

I skipped the 1k yesterday because I just didnt want to lose that much if I didn't cash. Today is a $350. I expect a big field, since the Super Bowl is this weekend, the people are just flowing in like crazy. This weekend here is going to be huge. Couple of people are working on getting us into some big ass parties on Sunday.

Joe Cutler flies in today. Joe had a great run in Atlantic City at Borgata...and he is kind of my new best poker buddy, so I am looking forward to his arrival. Maybe he will turn my luck around. Event 1 that I played I got just donked by this guy....and then in the 2nd one I lost with 10-10 vs. KQ...but I was short, and the guy who beat me was a real nice Scottish guy...so no real bad feelings there, just got unlucky. Then last night in the 7pm $120, I got down to 27 and lost to a guy I had totally dominated...13 got paid. Then lost 3 more SNG's. I am only 1 for 11 in SNG's so far...usually my bread and butter.


Tim Burt is proving to be a pretty good roomie. He has been losing early in his first two tourneys...once on the FIRST HAND...when he flopped top set with QQ and lost to a guy with a nut flush draw. Then he got deep in the 1k before going out right before the dinner break. He's been getting it all back in the table games though, so he's keeping his wits about him! Joe got 5 nights comped at Venetian (how I have no idea) so I may go stay over there with him the next 5 nights...keep paying Tim my meager share for this place...and then come back over here to Bally's. Joe had his girlfriend, who he was about to ask to marry him, dump him right before Borgata, so he is not wanting to be alone out here. Sounds like a girl doesnt he? Oh well, if thats what it takes! I do feel bad for him though, he really was crazy about this girl. But that big win at Borgata should have helped a little! Still, I could win 10 tourneys in a row out here and if Squirrel left me when I got home? I would probably kill myself.

My heartburn is raging and outa control. My wonder drug, Prilosec is barely working. Do I have an ulcer? Or am I just really super stressed out? Not sure. I don't FEEL stressed out. But who knows?

My rental house in Pensacola that I turned over to a leasing company 3 weeks ago, is STILL not rented out. Starting to think maybe I should have gone with the whole FOR RENT by OWNER route...but I guess if I can just hit something out here I won't care as much. For a lot of things I won't care as much. I really don't want another shitty tenant in there...but right now I am just getting bled by that house...ugh.

My Super Bowl $100 board filled, and Squirrel and I got some great numbers. 6-6, 1-0, and 7-0....nice! In our other $25 boards...three of them, we have good ones there too, so I am really excited for Sunday to get here...and hope we can win a few quarters, especially in the $100 one!

Okay...just wanted to shoot you guys something real quick...in case you thought I was dead after three days!!! Hope to run good today and at LEAST get us a cash...if not make the Final Table.

MONKEY

DEAR FAA: Please...take away Delta's wings!!!!

Yeah yeah, I know…it’s been close to a week since I blogged. And I guess the content has been piling up. And now…here I sit, in seat 6C…on a Delta flight out of Gulfport, by way of Memphis…BOSE tightly secured around my ears and iPod blaring…as I watch the face of this chick sitting two seats over…her mouth moving like one of those sets of teeth that you wind up and watch vibrate all over your desk. Seated in between us is this nice black guy…in his mid-30’s, who has become her victim. Its funny just sitting here not hearing a word (thankfully) she’s saying and watching him just nodding.

{ a big EF YOU to Delta...we are on an Airbus 320...which was designed as a spacious airplane by French engineers...but Delta took the shell and decided they were going to get 141 seats on this bitch...so your knees are practically stuffed up your left nostril}



“Yep, Uh huh…right. Oh yes. Sure. Uh huh. Mmm. I see.” Oh good gawd…during the pause in between songs, I just caught her for 15 seconds. “now let me tell you…are you ready? I am going to tell you something….” Oh…thank you AC/DC….hurry up with the lead in and get to the good part. (the loud part!) Before the plane took off she was yakking on her phone...and she has this weird tick...in between sentences she makes this sound, totally freaked me out. Tourrettes? Not sure? But if I had to live with her...I would go insane.



The last 36 hours has been another Delta nightmare. The family trip wrapped up on Sunday. I have to say, it was a great trip. A lot of you know very little about me. Aside from what you see at the poker table, and occasionally the 2 to 5 minute conversations we might have away from the table during a break.

Well I’ve allowed something to happen over the last 15 years that I found out this past week just how much I regret it. The first is getting back in touch with my 96 year old Grandmother, aside from just a letter every Christmas…which is more than my little sister and other brother, and Mother have done. So when we all packed up (except for my Brother and his new, ahem…interesting baby mama, who left Seattle to return to SF Bay area on Tuesday) and drove over to Wenatchee for the afternoon…it made for a pleasant drive through the snowy mountains of Washington.

My Brother and I...and his three boys, all from different women. Weird that they all kind of look the same. He must possess the dominant gene, eh?

We had a nice 3-hour visit with Grandma Magnuson. At one point I took it upon myself to dust all her shelves, which contain nothing but art…some of it, original early works from glassblower Dale Chihuly, who is her nephew. You are familiar with his work if you have ever visited the Bellagio, and while checking in, looked up at the ceiling in the lobby.  I was inspired by the site of cobwebs, and her inability to reach them…and probably just my raging A.D.H.D. Yep, my sister has done a clinical analysis on my mental state and concluded that this is my ailment, one that is requiring immediate medical attention. And yes, she IS qualified to make this diagnosis!



It was really nice to catch up with her. And my sister Janae enjoyed it too, as she never really had any kind of relationship with her, being 10 years younger than me…and her Father (the devil step father to me, Mark Magnuson) and my Mother divorcing when she was very young. My Grandma continues to be very active in art…as she has been for over 75 years. I sent her a box of long pine needles, collected from my front yard in Atlanta, about 5 years ago. She makes this really cool, well I don’t know what they are called, but they obviously take hours and hours to make. She gave Cheryl and I one for our wedding gift. It was very thoughtful, one of those gifts you get that you know you will never use for anything…but still treasure, because of the effort and thought that went into it. Then she gave Janae a painting that she had done, and Janae’s happiness was evident. As we left, my Grandma was almost tearful, and we all talked about the visit for the whole 3 hour drive home. Made me realized a lot about missed opportunities at relationships.

[Me, my sister Janae, and my amazing Grandmother, Marie, on our visit to see her in Wenatchee last week]


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The next day, we awoke at 8am, and made our way on another 3 hour journey. Cheryl and I left for Aberdeen to see my Father, who is incarcerated, and has been now for 12 years. He has 15 months or so left before he gets released. Without getting too personal, he made a bad decision regarding drinking and driving and is paying the price. In retrospect, it probably saved his life, going to jail. On the way there we picked up my brother, Jimmmy, who is a year older than me. Jimmy has Downs Syndrome. When we were all younger, I would see him a lot more often, and he was often times a real pain in the ass. Then there was always the whole ‘having to deal with societys stigmatizing’ everytime we went somewhere with him. That honestly never really bothered me that much. I’m just not that shallow. But it does get irritating, and make you want to bash peoples’ faces in sometimes. Well, I hadn’t seen Jimmy in years and I admit, I was nervous as hell about seeing him. As was Squirrel. Well, GPS dealt us a bad blow…and the directions ended up including a street that no longer existed, so picking him up was delayed over an hour…and he let us know about it. He had been up since THREE AM waiting for us, and to go see our Dad. Think he was excited? I felt like crap, but I couldn’t help it!



Well, he would turn out to be a dream. Cheryl and him hit it off right away. One thing about Cheryl, she is one of the most incredible human beings I know when it comes to just ‘dealing’ with human situations. She was so incredible all day. And by the end of the day he would give her the biggest hug I’ve ever seen out of him. We were forced to buy him a pair of jeans due to the jails' stupid dress code. He only wears sweats. He almost refused to put them on…but finally relented. He is a big boy, and they barely fit…but they would make do for one day. So when we finally arrive at the jail, they freak out because there is a pocket on the leg. What? Come on! The last time Cheryl and I came to visit my Dad, she had to change her outfit TWICE…because her sweater revealed the slightest amount of cleavage…the other because her sweater had a little hood on it. These people are a joke. And the JCPenney 7 miles down the road must be in business with them. So she told me to go in, and she took Jimmy down the road to find something else to wear. She lucked out…found a khaki pair of pants his size…way too long, but good around the waist, and when he came marching into the visitation area, he looked very proud to be out of the jeans. When he saw my father his eyes just lit up…and he delivered the biggest hug. It provided a lot of joy. We sat and played SORRY! Together for 3 hours. The sheer joy he would experience when putting one of us back to ‘START’ was so great. And I could tell how happy my father was that we were all able to be together.

[Me and my brother Jimmy, who has just changed out of his 'attractive' khaki pants we bought him back into his 'not so attractive' sweat pants]



While this was all going on my mother was hosting a jewelry party at her house that she was dying for us to get back for, so we could meet all her friends. I think she just wanted to show off my wife! So when we tried to leave about 5…to make it back by 8, we were stopped by the prison guards. Something had gone wrong with their head count at 3pm. They were now doing a manual count on the whole prison. So essentially, I had become a prisoner. We couldn’t leave until they were done. WTF? Great…oh well. So finally at 6pm they let us leave. Jimmy had been promised KFC earlier, his favorite…so that was another required stop. Then when we got him home we spent 15 minutes with him in his apartment, discovering all the various things he either needed or wanted, and making a note of it. We got home around 10pm and some of her friends were still there, so another mission accomplished. We talked about our day, and did so in a way that would hopefully inspire my mother to get a little involved in Jimmy’s life again. She has kind of done the same thing I have the last 15 years with Jimmy…nothing. And it sucks. Because he is so easy, and so hungry for love, from anyone really. And my Mom has lots of time to give it, and with all of us kids out of the house and living all over the country, she has a son living 25 minutes from her, who would love to see her.



So the next day, we bought him (or my mother did) 2 pair of shoes, a new boombox for his room that plays both CD’s and cassettes (hard to find these days, as cassettes are almost obsolete) so he could play his 10 cassette collection that includes Dolly, Kenny and Johnny! We also got him a Hannah Montana CD and DVD…as he is infatuated with her and has posters all over his walls. Very cute. And finally, my mom hemmed his pants for him, and we bought him a belt large enough to hold them up!



So when Cheryl and I drove down to his apartment Saturday night and walked in he was like a kid on Christmas. It felt good to see him happy. The tough part was telling him who it was from, and asking him if he might want to see, and get to know, his mother again. Of course he said yes. And now I just hope she follows up and actually starts spending time with him, or it may have just been all for naught. I do know that Cheryl and I will stay in touch with him…sending him letters, and pictures, and hopefully money if I can go win some! We explained to him where we live, and that we had to fly 2500 miles. We didn’t want to hurt his feelings by seeing him two days in a row and then disappearing on him. He understood. Cheryl hated leaving him.

Jimmy has maybe switched his crush from Hannah Montana to my wife, Squirrel. I understand brother, but she's mine, dammit!

*********************************************************************


This woman is still spouting. Apparently she is a pharmaceutical rep. I think she almost has the guy next to me trained to be a rep…I expect to see him on my flight home, gainfully employed by this broad’s company.



Squirrel and I left Sunday. It was a sad departure for my Mom…having all of us now gone, and going back to being alone with her cats. She bought me a new sweatsuit and a pair of shoes, for my birthday (February 16th). We made our plane with time to spare. Then the hell began.



The flight into Atlanta was fine. Then…as we were about to pull into our gate…A5…something went wrong. The gate became unavailable. Looked at my watch. Okay, no big deal, our flight to Gulfport doesn’t leave for 45 minutes. Then 15 minutes went by. Started getting nervous. Hmmm….come on. WTF. Pilot and flight attendants start trying to reassure us that our connecting flights all know our situation. I know better, and tell Squirrel “they are only telling us this to prevent a mass panic among the passengers…they NEVER hold flights, for any reason.” She told me I was being cynical. Okay, dear. We finally get off the plane…with 15 minutes to spare. We run like hell to our gate, and with 11 minutes before the plane is to leave breathe a sigh of relief as we attempt to board the plane.



Oh no you don’t! A gate agent..who’s name might have been M.Gracietta…tells us, “I’m sorry sir this flight is CLOSED.” Say what lady? “Uh, we have a boarding pass, the flight doesn’t leave for 11 minutes…and I just watched you let a passenger on. What are you talking about!???” She tells us the flight is oversold. BULLSHIT! Delta always oversells its flights. That’s nothing new. What this bitch did was start giving away seats 15 or 20 minutes before the flight left, and with us sitting on the tarmac waiting for a gate. Cheryl tried to protest that we had been ‘promised’ that our planes crew had made them aware of our plight, and would hold the plane. She got no reaction to this. I was fuming, and about to tear this lady’s head off. But I also knew how easy it is to get arrested at the Atlanta airport…so I took the high road. I was pretty much in my little place of knowing there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do about it. No one at Delta cares. They never do. They are the biggest collection of assholes to ever work for a large company. And now, they just swallowed Northwest, so they are just bigger, more bitter and less likely to give a fuck. And to top it off, they just RAISED their baggage fee…when it would seem to be the right move is to either LOWER the fee or do away with it altogether.

[what would be nice is a picture here of this lady, M.Gracietta...with a baseball bat striking her across her smug face...unfortunately, no such photo exists]



Well, we would end up getting a free night at the Day’s Inn on Phoenix Boulevard in south Atlanta (also called the ‘hood’) as we awaited a flight out to Gulfport the following morning. As we were catching the shuttle, we asked the driver, “how many of these people have been screwed over by the airline like we just got?” The driver’s response? ALL OF THEM! Wow! We are talking hundreds of people everyday getting hosed by Delta’s (and I’m sure a lot of other airlines, too) inability to deal with an operational flaw. I now understand 100% why nearly every airline is in or near bankruptcy. They are being run by circus clowns. What makes it even more enjoyable, is that you pay good money to be treated like shit. This Ms. Gracietta bitch just stared back at me with these cold, steely eyes that said, quite clearly “I don’t give a shit about you, or the other 1000 passengers just like you. I’ve heard every story, and I don’t care. If I screwed up, I don’t care either. I hate you, I hate my job, I hate my life.”



In retrospect, I almost felt sorry for her. Almost, except that the thought of seeing her chained to a tree while school kids threw rocks at her was much more appealing to my sense of adventure!



Predictably, the hotel was a dump. Squirrel slept 3 hours. I didn’t sleep at all. Because I decided to play some poker, on Pokerstars. Got 3rd in a $12/180 for $250 and then played a $4 Omaha hi/lo tourney with 496 of the greatest Omaha players ever. Okay, maybe the worst. And the torture happens. I end up getting deep. As I am chatting with my buddy McLean Karr…who has been killing online, and just got done winning the Sunday 2nd Chance on Pokerstars, and discussing a summer house in Vegas…I go from chipleader with 27 left…to taking 3 or 4 of the most ridiculous suckout beats to guys who were in hands I had no clue how they even played to start with, and before I knew it, I was out…23rd, for a whopping $21. Nice. Then 30 minutes later it was time to leave for the airport.

*******************************************************************


We are 20 minutes from landing. Just got the ‘turn off your electronic device’ announcement…and my battery is getting low anyway. This blog entry is going to be way too long, again. But whatever. I have been getting pelted by a bunch of you clamouring for something, anything…and while this may be tremendously boring for most of you, it actually helped me get my mind and head straight as I prepare to go play this first tourney at the Venetian at noon and get my life back on track. I guess I will follow directions and turn this thing off and finish when I get a chance.



The host never came through for us at Venetian. Big shock. Their hotel-side to the operation sucks balls. Just go read Kai Landry’s blog if you don’t believe me! He’ll tell you all about Venetian and their wonderful hotel clerks. Idiots. So Tim Burt hustled us a pretty good deal at Bally’s, which is a nice little 12 to 15 block walk from Venetian. But hell, I can use the exercise. And once Joe Cutler, McLean, and maybe Kai show up…I can figure out what I am going to do from there. But for now, I am rooming with Tim. Him and I have never spent any real quality time together away from poker, so it should be a good experience. Tim is a cool dude, and plays some great poker. He does have cats though, and is involved in that Mafia Wars shit on Facebook…so the jury is still out on that guy!!! Halfway kidding there, I think! Should be a lot of my good buddies out here, I’m excited, but also a bit apprehensive, knowing what’s at stake. Okay…catch up later!



MONKEY

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I almost forgot, in my haste to mention the ONE thing about the airlines that REALLY pisses me off the most. The last three flights/trips I have taken, I am seeing the same thing over and over. Our troops are being completely FUCKED OVER by the airlines. Getting stuck in airports without flights, constantly. They recieve their orders a lot of the time at the last minute and forced to buy last minute tickets that sometimes cost them a fortune. Then sometimes they are have to fly standby...and NEVER get flights. I have heard more horror stories from troops, and it makes me sick! These guys make NOTHING in the way of a living salary, and yet they break their backs getting in physical condition so that they can go to a place where people HATE America and want to do nothing but destroy us, and our way of life. These guys truly risk their lives every time they wake up in the morning. They have given up the pursuit of riches to protect us and our way of life. So when it comes to getting them to their destination, DAMMIT..make it happen! Either the airlines need to reclassifiy them as a #1 priority, or the government needs to get involved. Its PATHETIC to see these guys waiting and waiting to get on flights! To the troops, I say THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!!!!

*********************************************************************

Okay it's Wednesday morning. We are at Bally's. Our room smells like smoke. But we have a nice view. The internet cost $15 a day. So I am using my Verizon card...which is slow, and won't upload these damn pictures. Whatever.

Day 1 was a heartbreaker. A real heartbreaker. Let me start this with this little snippet, as I continue to get 'hater' messages from people who seem to think I am under the impression that I am this phenomenal player. I do NOT think I am a 'GREAT' poker player. In fact...sometimes, I don't even think I am very good at all. But what I am, is someone who is tremendously patient, makes very good reads against my opponent, and will wait for, and find situations to win pots that will allow me to get myself into position to win tournaments. From a pure standpoint of playing 'good poker' and making moves, stealing pots with bluffs...I am very average.

I'm kind of tired of guys posting shit that I think I am the greatest. I don't. But tournaments with good structures give you the opportunity to play smart and win. The majority of players, good ones included, do not have the discipline to play from start to finish without committing critical errors. My game requires that I limit my errors and capitalize on the opportunities presented to me to win big pots. Then play good pot control poker. This has been a successful formula for me now for 3 years at least. As the years go by, I add little things here and there, refining my game and becoming a better player. I hope to BE a great player someday...but for now, I will rely on what I have managed to create up til now and try and keep picking up a victory every so often.

So...back to Day 1. My plane landed at 11:10, a full 15 minutes ahead of schedule. Getting my luggage took longer than expected, and the taxi lane was sickening. By the time I got to Bally's and got my stuff in the room it was 1:15. Tim and I took a cab over to Venetian and we got in around the middle of Level 2. No big deal. First big hand I play, I flop a set of 10's on an all heart board...simply called this guys bet...wanting to see the turn, which was a K of hearts...horrible, making a flush and/or a straight. It got checked to the river...he had AQ...no heart, but a damn straight. Nice start. I would hover around 9k for about 3 levels (12k starting stack)...then lost a huge chunk when I tried to bluff the 'unbluffable old guy' that we are all familiar with.

I sat there going back and forth between 3500 and 7000 until Level 6. It was excruciating...but I was being patient. Folding hands like KJh, A10off, 66...against raises behind me. Then right before the 2nd break...and holding 6800...the crazy old guy raises me huge at cutoff and I have A9s in the BB. Probably should have got it in there...I told him I thought he either had KJ or 44. It was a toss up. Fold and its not a bad fold, shove and its not a bad shove. I finally folded face up. And he showed me 33. Yeah. Close on my prediction. Whatever.

We came back for Level 7 and it started. My run. AQ and I double up against 88. AK and I double up against 99. Then AK and I took out Jason Stern and his AQ. Then with 35k and an average stack...and with us down to 60 players (from 231) I was starting to feel like this trip was going to start out great! Which I really, really need right now.

My table breaks and I moved to a new one. I immediately discover who the overwhelming donkey is at the table, guy in the 7 seat. I won't go into detail on 4 of the eyebrow-raising plays he made...but they were horrible. He knocked out two very good players, one who had AK on a flopped Ace board and the other with QQ (and him having K6, having called a preflop raise) and I was feeling that eerie feeling when I just know he's going to deal me some awful beat. It would HAVE to be him, right?

Well, we get to Level 10. The level of DOOM at Venetian whenever I fail to make a Final Table here. I win a couple pots. Nice. Then I raise with AK. Donkeyboy calls. Great. Flop comes 10-7-5. He leads out big. Fuck. Whatever. I fold face up. He shows me Q-J offsuit and smirks. Sigh.

I watch him pull that shit on two other players. And my disdain for this guy is growing...but I am NOT going to get sucked into his bullshit. This is too important. So when I get AQ I raise 3x...and get called by, who else? Dipshit in seat 7. The flop comes Q-9-3...one spade. He bets into me again. I raise 3times his bet. And does a quick shove...which he did against another guy earlier then showed bluff. Whatever, I wasn't folding against this moron. I called, and his head whips to his right....which told me I KNEW I caught him. And I did. He flips over K8s. You heard me. Called the preflop raise with that shit. Bet out, with air...and shoved over my re-raise!

So what happens? Come on, you know! No! He did NOT hit a King. He instead goes runner runner spades. I about shit. I was about to be sitting on 72,000 chips 6 minutes from dinner break, with the average 38k. We call that, GOOD SHAPE! Instead...I was OUT of the effing tournament. Again, in Level 10. Again...to a fucking assclown. I just wandered off to an empty table and moped/decompressed for awhile, suffering from sleep deprivation, suffering from the suckout...not knowing what to do with myself next. Go get some sleep? Play the 7pm donkfest? Play a SNG? I was so pissed. Several guys walked over to offer their condolensces...the whole table wanted that guy out...and were just as mad when he sucked out. Sometimes I really hate this game.

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So I decide to skip the nightly donk contest and play a SNG. Took the last seat on a $80 SNG...which pays 2 winners. A pretty shitty value play really. And it would end up being a damn marathon. When we finished the blinds were 1000/2000. Yeah! No kidding. We started with 2k. I started good, then lost almost all my chips holding 78 on a 774 board. Girl had 44. Ooops. But climbed back in...then got the chiplead...then lost 75% of my stack after raising with 22 and getting priced in against two all ins. Brick! Up against JJ and AK. Looked like another flameout. But made another big comeback...then when we got 3 handed I was chipleader again. Long story short, I won the SNG finally...and pocketed $325 after tipping out. So with the tourney buy in, and that buy in, I only lost about $150 on the day. I can live with that. No other SNG's managed to start up, so I grabbed a bite to eat at Noodle Asia and headed back to Bally's, where I passed out before I even got my computer started up! A nice 8 hours of sleep has me feeling a LOT better! Today is a $350 again...really hope I either go out in Level 1 or 2...or make it to the end of the day with a shitload of chips. This whole playing 7 to 10 hours and not cashing really sucks.

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I got a reader comment from a dealer asking about how I decide who I tip on the side. I got the impression he felt slighted by me at one time or another. Its a tough question...and there have been times when I KNEW I was forgetting about someone. And for that, I truly apologize. It is not intentional. As far as WHO I decide to tip? Well, its not always who dealt me BIG hands...but yeah, those dealers ARE going to get tipped. It could be a dealer that I just know real well, who always does a great job while dealing to me. And happened to NOT cooler me during that tourney. There are also times when I will leave a token 3% tip at the payout window...then tip like green chips ($25) to a handful of dealers on the side...maybe 5 to 10 dealers. Now officially, they are supposed to take these from players. They are supposed to turn in every tip they get. As are the floor guys. Its a stupid rule. But its their rule, not one that I am breaking. So they can either turn them in or not. I don't care. I just want them to know that I appreciate their efforts, thats all. If a dealer wants to leave an anonymous comment on here calling me out, saying I am a liar, that I don't tip on the side...well, I don't know what to tell ya, I have no reason to lie to you guys about such trivial shit. If I didn't tip on the side, I wouldn't bother to write about it. Sometimes, the comments some of you assholes make just amaze me, at the pure ignorance of the statements.

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Some of the comments I have been getting on here are suggesting that I have been a victim of Karma...for all the 'bullshit' I have brought to others. Hmmm. I have no idea what that means. First of all, you have to be a pretty big asshole to ever express glee that another person has been victimized. So just on that basis alone, I shouldn't even really worry about your comments, since you have to be a pretty miserable human being to begin with. I mean, if the person I couldn't stand the most had something traumatic happen to him/her, I would be the first to tell them "Hey, I know we don't always see eye to eye, and I am just not real crazy about you...but I am really sorry to see what happened to you...and I hope you recover from it quickly." That is kind of a normal, human way of dealing with people. But these pricks who are taking great pleasure in my plight? Wow...I don't know... I guess I just have to not worry about it. It just bothers me I guess that people can be so dark.

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It's 10:45am. I plan on being on time for today's tourney. There is just too many bad players making terrible plays early, giving away chips...to allow myself to miss out on that. Plus the Venetian is offering a free buffet from 11am to 1pm that is usually pretty nice...so I might want to get some food into my stomach today, might be a long day. Not good to play on an empty stomach.

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The line on the Super Bowl is moving a lot. Guess it has to do with the injury to Dwight Freeney, who is a huge factor in Sunday's game. Getting pressure on Drew Brees had GOT to be a major element in this game. If the Colts can't pressure Drew, it could be a long day for the boys from INDY. I personally love the Saints in this game. I am in a really good spot with the pools I run. I have, with a Colts win...the chance to finish 2nd in the NFL Playoff Pool...good for $1500. And in the $25 Survivor Pool...its down to me and two others, who I'm guessing will take INDY...so I will take the Saints in that one...which basically serves as a hedge. Point spread doesnt matter in either one...which leads me to think I will walk up to the cage and lay down about a $750 bet on the Saints WITH the points. So if things go just right...I could have a very big day. As in...Saints either win, or lose by less than 4 or 5 or whatever the line ends up being. I pretty much can't lose no matter what happens! And then, in my SUPER BOWL SQUARES...wow, I have already filled up three $25 boards...with a 4th already half full...probably end up filling 5 of those. And the $100 board only has 8 squares remaining..so that one is as good as filled. Squirrel and I have a total of 4 in that...sure would like to win the 4th quarter!!! Yeah its only good for $3600!!!  There is no tourney here on Sunday...and I am glad. Sunday will be ALL ABOUT watching the Super Bowl. I guess I will start looking for a good party to attend. I would LOVE to attend the party at the Bellagio that Bobby Baldwin hosts...if anyone has any connections to that!

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Last month, I ended up having the 2nd most hits ever. Missed breaking the record by only 70 hits. In a month where I only played those little IP events...well, and got robbed, which is always good for some hits...it was pretty impressive. Again, I do NOT get paid to blog, or get anything for a lot of hits...so its not about $$$. It just makes me less inclined to quit blogging when bad things happen to me, or bad/mean things are said. Enough of you say things that make me realize that writing this blog is serving a purpose, and I just want to let you people know that I really appreciate you taking an interest in my life and poker experiences, whether they be good or bad. I think that is about it for this entry....which I KNOW...is incredibly long...but now we are totally caught up with each other! Now I am going to go and try and win me a tournament! I will start live updating from here on out.

MONKEY