Reporting from the Man Cave...Hammond Shares for Sale!

I am acutely aware, that when a week or more elapses without me making a blog post...there are many out there (concerned) who think I have done what some are perhaps hopeful (excited) I have done. Vanished. Quit. Died. Right? You know I'm right.

Well, the stone cold truth...is that I was feeling a bit irritated that I ended up my run in Bossier City in very discouraging fashion. First of all...I really did run pretty unlucky up there...for the 2nd year in a row. And yeah...I won a nightly, final tabled another one, and final tabled the PLO tourney early in the event, but for the most part, I would deem the trip non-successful. I was very hopeful that I would make some money for my investors. At worse, I thought I would be able to refund the 'Main Event' package buyers half their investment, when I wouldn't need to fire a second bullet.

Well...that went up in smoke with 20 minutes left in the 12th and final level of Flight A. All I had to do was sit there...not get in trouble, and come back with a 'decent' stack the next day. Well...it never seems to fail in Main events that I will pick up pocket queens at the most inopportune time. On this particular occasion it happened in a spot where I was sure I was good, and quite possibly about to double up with just 20 minutes left.

That same double could have come a few orbits earlier. Tyler Smith arrived at my table, and brought a small stack with him, below the 20k starting stack. I know what to expect. Raise, raise, raise, raise and raise some more. And almost always a min raise. And yes...that is what he did. I will almost always call a min raise. When in the small and/or big blind. Especially against a super-aggressive player...which Tyler is. And I know Tyler's m.o. is that when he is low, he just pounds on the table in hopes to grow his stack to an optimum amount. (in his eyes)

So he min raises. From middle position. Turns out he has J9. I had lost a semi-decent sized pot a couple hands prior to that, so my spending mood was somewhat tempered. Plus it was complicated by the button flatting him. In that min-raise vs. BB spot, I prefer to be heads up to improve my chances vs. any random two cards. Two or more players and it just increases the chances to take a nasty beat. So holding J5 off...I decide to cut it loose. Flop? Obviously...J-2-5...rainbow. He bets the flop, gets called. Bets the turn, gets called. Blasts the river...gets called again. Had I been in the hand...I'd have check-called the flop, probably check-called the turn, and then on the river...bet enough to pot commit him to his whole stack, and likely gotten called. He'd have been gone. Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

But in the grand scheme of things...that play? Getting me all those chips? Would have just hurt that much more when I got the queens. Because, holding the stack I did...instead of just flatting the 3-bet raise by the guy who looked like a dead ringer for actor Fred Ward...

...with my pocket queens...I jammed all in. For 25k...with the blinds at 600/1200. Why you ask? It's a fair question. Tyler had raised once again....to like 2550. And the Dad from 'Road Trip' three-bet for the umpteenth millionth time...to 6500. What was I gonna do with 25k? Make it 14k? Flat 1/4 of my stack? This guy had earlier raised in early position to 1600 when it was 150/300. He got called by AK in the SB. I will just tell you what he had. DEUCES. Mr. AK checked the flop...missing. Fred there checks. Turn...AK guy bets big. Fred calls...with of course...just two deuces. AK guy bets big on the river...and snarling tough-guy dad-dude calls again. With just twos. It was good, obviously, and the guy in the 3-seat...the third such person to occupy that seat on the day, and whom had been warned by me when he sat down that he was in the 'seat from hell' finally relented:

"You know what Monkey? You might be right...this chair might be cursed. Holy shit! I've lost 3/4th of my stack since I sat here."

It was pretty much just the table from hell. This guy loved to three-bet, and most of the time you never saw his hand. But I saw enough of his hands to think my QQ was good as gold. It was good as gold all right. Fools Gold. He snap called and rolled over two kings. Oh! Really!?? Just kings? No shit? hmmmph! How nice! Shitballz. Well, as I mentioned...I'd have gone broke on a called raise anyway after the flop...or certainly on the turn...as the board ran out with nothing over an 8...so there was some solace in that. (I guess??)

I collected my shit. Then looked across the room to see where Flight B was now, level-wise. Level 5. Dammit. No small ball for this Monkey. Yeah, I could wait till the next day, and buy in...but only coming in with 12 BB's isn't too clever. They re-did the whole Main Event schedule this year. It's weird. They now start Flight B in the middle of Flight A...which undoubtedly diminishes the total number of entries. Not sure why they did this. Last year...Flight A started at 11am...played till about 5 or 6pm...and then Flight B started at 7pm. I really liked that. Then on Day 2 you wouldn't come back til 2pm...so those who had to play from 7pm til around 2am would get to sleep a bit. Why did they change it? I have no clue.

My biggest issue in Bossier City wasn't the structures. It wasn't the dealers. It wasn't the floor people. It wasn't the cocktail servers, or the massage girls. Or even (not getting carried away here) the other players...who are generally scary as hell up there. Nope...my biggest problem, with Horseshoe Casino in Bossier City...was the damn tent they made us play in. They did it last year, listened to everyone bitch about it...and had a FULL YEAR to make corrections. You know...like, augment and reconfigure the cooling system. Yeah...didn't happen. Same deal. Same setup. Same moans and groans. Same players trying to turn the slats on the A/C vents to control the air and make it hit their table...only to have 'The Captain' of the ship that never sails waltz through and turn them all back to their 'preset' position.

Is he trying to determine which way the cool air is flowing? I'll go with 'no where!'

Know what position that is? Okay...picture a big fucking tent. Rectangular shaped. Now picture a grand total of FOUR cooling vents on each side of this tent that is approximately 80 yards in length. The tent is shaped like a barn, you know? In an A-frame? So...now, I am not a scientist, or a physics major...or an electrical engineer...or anything like that. What I like to rely upon, is common fucking sense. It is my understanding that heat RISES. Yes? I believe that cooler air usually resides underneath hot or warm air. Hence...that same cold air would be likely to push the warm/scalding hot air up and OUT of the tent. Following me?

Hmmm. Maybe its just a simple case of them having the 'wrong' Captain manning the ship up there!??

So...can anyone explain to me why Captain Crunch thinks the correct setting for the air vents on the rather large outflow ducts would be to be pointing directly UP at the damn ceiling? If anyone was seen touching/turning the vents on the ducts...there immediately apprehended, blindfolded, thrown into a black SUV with blackened windows, whisked from the property and taken to an unknown location somewhere in the swamps of Louisiana to perform hard labor. No questions asked. Just...poof! Gone! No wonder the numbers declined so much during the second week of the event.

At least there's A/C in this beast...enjoy your ride to the Labor Camp!

Yeah so...that was really my biggest issue with the place. That and the amount of juice they are charging now. It's to the point of insanity. I know, they keep writing it up to make it sound like they aren't charging 'as much.' Picture the guy coughing into his hand while blurting out 'bulllshit!' A Main Event...where the prize pool contribution is $1500....cost $1675. The $1k event? $1125. $500 event? $580. The nightly $140!??? $95 into the prize pool! Is there a solution? Oh...I don't think so. Everyone is bitching about it. I mean...EVERYONE. But guess what they are going to do about it? The answer? Jack shit.

I kind of like to compare it to the oil companies amazing control over the gas market. They know we have to have it. They know we can't go without it. They know we will always bitch about it. But they won't do ANYTHING to NOT make as much as they possibly can. There is no government oversight...because so many politicians benefit from the oil industry. Well..the casino isn't going to hear your gripes. Pretty amazing how similar the two are, huh? The only solution is to start a whole new poker series. You doing that? No? Didn't think so. And if you did? Hmm...good luck getting the casinos to host your event knowing they are going to receive less in fees than they are getting from their current contractor. Bottom line? We are fucked! My only question? How much worse will the skull-fuckery get before you just feel stupid handing them your money at the registration counter? Well...stupid question. If you have a shred of common sense in your head, you already feel stupid, embarrassed even. How long before you simply won't allow yourself to set foot in the casino on the basis of how much (percentage-wise) of your payment is going to the house and staff?

What I find comical? Is how you will hear staff members bad mouth players who cash in a tourney and don't leave a tip. Hell, I used to be a HUGE proponent of tipping after winning or placing in the money in a tourney. But now? Holy shit...if you are playing event after event after event...and maybe min-cashing a couple times....bubbling or close to bubbling a few more...and logging major hours and busting without cashing in others? Its pretty hard to justify tipping any reasonable amount, knowing that this amount might actually cut significantly into your very thin profit overall. Variance in tournament poker was already brutal BEFORE the juicification of poker took over...now its just repugnant.

But I digress. No, I don't. I just felt like working 'I digress' into the fabric of today's blog. Tonight actually. So another reason I haven't blogged much this past ten days? I haven't felt like it. Pure and simple. Lazy? Maybe? Brain dead? Oh...very real possibility. I have not left my Man Cave since I got back from Tent City...other than a quick jaunt to Wal Mart to mingle with the crazies.

You know what I'm sick of? These stupid effing award shows...I mean how many are there? But what I hate the most...other than the awkward, rehearsed, stupid ass (what they think are) jokes they try to force on you. Ever been at a party (like, in high school) and someone not very popular tries to tell a joke...it bombs, and everyone kind of glances at each other with that pained expression on their face? Like that face you make to your wife...when, while visiting relatives, your brother's newest wife yanks out a breast in front of the whole family to feed her fussy 5 year old? Yeah? You know that face I'm talking about? Well...I didn't even tell you YET what I hate more than that stupid 'skit-like' moment before announcing the award winner.

What I wish would go die in a pasture strewn with old car parts, dead animals and downed aircraft...is when actors, musicians, athletes...whatever...get up there and want to "GIVE A SHOUT OUT" to someone. Okay, first of all...its 2012 fuckbats. Nobody even 'semi-cool' is still giving 'shout outs' to anyone. These are the same people who are still wearing 'Member's Only' jackets and giving out 'high-fives' to people who don't want them. Know what would be fun? Legalized brutality against generational jargon offenders. Yeah, I'm talking to you too...'LOL'ers!!! You oughta be smashed in the face with a computer keyboard! Like the dude at work in the movie 'Wanted.' You! ARE the MAN!!! Booooom!

Hey...guy who is 55 and about as hip as Mitt Romney? When you are standing up there and mention wanting to 'give a shout out' to .....blah blah blah...who cares!!!??? You sound like a fucking clown...and that award you just won? Needs to be returned now...because you just disparaged it. I (for some stupid reason) was watching Mr. Charisma Drew Carey on 'The Price is Right' the other day...and before they spin that stupid wheel....the one I keep (for over 30 years now) hoping someone will get trapped in and sucked into through the bottom of....Drew wants to give them the opportunity to 'give shout outs' before they spin the wheel. And oh...they don't refuse. Half the time they are still rattling off the list of shoutouts when their .35 cents from their first spin collides with .85 to eliminate them...creating that awkward moment where they are still excited, jumping around and giving shoutouts...and Drew is trying to get them to get the fuck off the stage. They should just have a trap door that opens and swallows them when they are done. With sound effects of lions and alligators. Think that show wouldn't be #1 within a week? It would be.

God did I get sidetracked or what?

So, uh...yeah...I fire a second bullet. I flounder for 3 levels. Then my table breaks. And I get moved to a very ...well, entertaining table. John 'Cowboy' Land...a friend of mine...and bit of a 'personality' is there. Then along comes Charles 'Woody' Moore. Oh boy. He of the A7 vs. 99 debacle in the Main Event in Council Bluffs. He of the earlier QQ (me) vs AK (him) punchout in the $250 Mega earlier in the week at Tent Boat.

Well, I won't keep you in suspense. I was sitting in the big blind at 400/800...on a 6-way limped pot...with the mighty J-4 off. At least I get to see a free flop! Whoa! Bingo! Flop comes A-J-4 rainbow. Check-raise city for the kid! Sitting on a pretty paltry stack of about 11k and dying for a double up. I check. 'Woody' bets a relatively decent amount. Two others call. Nice! Time to take this pot down! With about 12k in the pot...I shove all in. Woody calls. The others fold. And he turns over, gasp......pocket aces. I'm uh...drawing...well, pretty dead. I need running jacks or running fours. Yeah...didn't happen. Unreal. Gone. Out. Two bullets. Two shells. No refund for my investors. No reward.

So I left my laptop (on accident) on the chair behind me...and went off to blow off some steam. I drank. Then drank some more. And played blackjack. For hours. At a $10 table. I think when the smoke cleared I won $30. Then returned to the Burger Bar. Ate. Went back to my room. Died. Well...passed out. When I woke up I felt like I'd been trampled by ten cows. Maybe I had. Can't positively say I wasn't. Became immediately aware that my laptop was missing. Fuck.

There was another event at 2pm. The final one. It was Sunday. I watched, or tried to watch, some NFL...out of my one good eye. Then about 1 I started coming to life. Oh...its a ring event. But a $580. Ouch. But I imagine the field will be small. Making it easier to get another ring...and much-needed Freeroll points...as I am sitting on just 15 points now...and a chance to get to 65 would be huge...especially since I don't see myself going to very many events this season.

So I went for it. Headed to the casino. Got there on time. Bought in. Only 77 players. Nice! Walk in. Find my laptop! Yes! It's going to be a great day! Sit down. My table looks like a final table. What the hell!?? On the third hand, something feels weird. The blinds are going up. Huh? I look up. It says 20 minutes. Wait. What? 20 minute levels? This is a TURBO!??? Of for chrissakes! I had no idea. And if I had...very likely would have skipped this thing. But now I'm stuck in it. I get one hand after another....lots of middle pairs, lots of AQ-like hands. How many hands did I win? Zero. Was I playing bad? I'd like to think not. I think I was just running like shit. It was unreal. 6 levels. Still no winning hands. I was getting very annoyed. Two players were overplaying a lot of hands. And one guy...Mr Sunglasses with Male Pattern Baldness kept raising constantly, always c-bet...and always triple-barreled the turn. It became a guessing game. Do I have him? Or not? Is he bluffing? Do I re-pop his ass here? Or wait?

Those are the tourneys I hate. When you have enough chips (you think) to wait out the guys like this...but then the stack dwindles while his keeps getting bigger and bigger, which means...down the road, when you do finally take your stand, he will have enough chips to make a semi-loose call against you. Well..that is what indeed happened. I pick up AK in early position...and knowing if I limp...it will get raised. Well, I'm sitting on 7200 with the blinds now at 250/500. So when the next guy raised to 1200...and the aforementioned baldy-glassy re-raised, I shoved all in. The first guy folded. And he thinks for a few brief seconds before calling with 88. I missed...no pair, no draw. Nothing. Out. Without ever winning a hand. Marvelous. Trip...over. Good riddance.

But...before all that ended, there was just one more thing to address. The 'Last Longer for Casey Jones.' Pretty sure this was the topic of my previous blog post. It was a good plan. A lot of people were talking about it. The response on Facebook was very positive. Was even hopeful that the WSOP staff would get behind the effort. Cue the screeching sound of tires on pavement...followed by loud crash as it gets side-swiped at an intersection by a dump truck.

Had my dry erase board, just purchased that morning at Office Depot for $42. Had it all dressed up, ready to take names and money. Players walked in for the Main...saw my board...and we got 18 names pretty quickly, along with their money. That's when I was visited by Roger, from Horseshoe security. Um, yeah...so...despite the fact that we have a last longer on nearly EVERY sit n go we play at circuit events...despite numerous players doing last longers for tournaments...this one, that I was doing to benefit the son of one of their former employees...was causing alarm. Roger informed me that I had to 'take down my board' and discontinue the open lobbying for last longer contributions.

Great. So I did. I took my board with me back to my table, and put it up against the wall, out of site. A few other players who knew I was doing this, came to me...wanting to get in still. I took their money, and added their money to a list I had drawn up on a piece of paper, replacing the board list. We were now up to 21 players. Uh oh...here comes Roger again. Roger didn't have much of a 'hey let me hear your side of the story and then let me use some good judgement' type of personality to him. His was more of a 'my job is to crack down on ANYTHING that looks fishy, period' kind of demeanor. Told me I had been 'observed' taking money from other players...and that if I was seen taking ANY money for ANY other players...I would be DQ'd from the tourney and 86'd from the property. See? No matter what I do...good intentioned or not...I always...always...seem to find trouble! Amazing...isn't it?

So...obviously, I let everyone know that the Last Longer was CLOSED. And why. And what the ramifications were if I took another player. After the first warning, the floor person came by and told me everything was 'okay' that Roger had asked him about me...if I was someone who was 'running some kind of sportsbook operation' or something? The floor man told me he assured him that my intentions were noble and that no, I wasn't running a scam. So...when he told me that...I basically felt like it was okay to keep taking money from guys...just not so out in the open about it. Whoops. I was wrong.

I could say a lot of shitty things about how that episode made me feel. But why bother? It won't change anything. Fact of the matter is, there is some really nice people who work up there. Joe in the poker room comes to mind. Good guy, really busts his ass. One of the better poker room managers I've seen in awhile. Jason that works there...same deal. Good guy. Very competent. Even met a handful of pretty nice security people. I can honestly say, however...that I will likely never go back up there to play. And the major reason is that fucking tent. It's just miserable. And to top it off...they have you playing 10-handed. Which is totally fixable. I think if we are being asked to pay the juice we are paying...we should get to play 9-handed. Players just keep getting fatter and fatter (myself included) and its just getting more and more uncomfortable squeezing 10 people into one table.

But imagine sitting at a table of 10 large poker players...and its between the hours of 12pm and 6pm...and the temperature is between 85-100 degrees. The cold air that IS blowing into the tent is blowing STRAIGHT up into the ceiling of the tent. And escaping...leaving just the heat. So you sit there...and get more and more agitated by the second...hot, sweaty, missing flops, getting shown bluffs by the little twerp with that flat-billed hat that still has that stupid fucking sticker on it and his stupid goatee that looks like it was drawn on his face with a magic marker. You know the kind? Where they had to use the 'shaper' to give it 'that special look' that is usually reserved for rappers, gang members and criminals that live their lives behind bars? Yeah...try playing under those conditions for 6 hours...until, oh! Finally...the sun goes down. At which point...>THE A/C STARTS TO FINALLY TAKE EFFECT!!!!

So within 34 minutes of that occurring, the tent is now transformed into a fucking igloo! You half expect to walk out of the tent and see glaciers floating in the Red River...with polar bears surfing on them...and the occasional seal jumping out of the water. Parka please!!!

Yeah...I can't find a good enough reason to return to this location. I gave it two shots. They had a whole year to fix the glitches. They just got worse. The juice got worse. The fields didn't increase very much. Nope. Crossing that one off the list.

Oh...who won the Last Longer? Well...the Jones Family won. A total of $1050 was sent by me to them on their site...on behalf of the 21 players who entered the Last Longer. You can still give if you want...the link is still up in the corner of my blog...until October 9th I think...when they close the fund raising page. But who won the $1050? Well, originally I thought it was Caufman Talley...which I learned from just comparing my list of 21 players to the payouts list on the Poker News site. Caufmann finished in 18th...which, along with his 1st place in the $1k (with $125 juice) made for a great trip for him. I thought he was the highest finisher of anyone on my list. 

Well, then a little later, I looked again for some reason...and noticed another name that caught my eye...who finished 17th. Stephen Hesse. Well, on my list I had a Steve Hess. Same guy? has to be? Oh shit. I had already posted on Facebook that Caufmann was the winner, even texted him as much, asking how I could send him the money...since I'd already driven home. About that time I caught my error. Well, as fate would have it...I do not have Stephen on my Facebook, or in my phone. I barely know the kid. So...if someone out there knows him...please let him know that Senor Monkey has $1050 for him!!!

Okay...this blog is getting WAY to freaking long. And I'm actually getting tired. I know the question is: Where am I playing next? And am I selling another shares package?

After much deliberation...I have decided to go to Hammond/Chicago in ten days. It is without a doubt...the BEST event on the circuit. The ONLY thing I do NOT like about it...and I really LIKE Steve Frazier and his crew personally...is that they are the ones who enforce the DREADED 'exposed card gets you a one-round penalty' rule. The other crews don't. It's very weird. And incredibly aggravating. It even cost me dearly in a Main Event in New Orleans last December. So...aside from that little quirk, Hammond is the shit! They add all kinds of main event seats...6 I think to the final 6 in every nightly. They high-card players in the cash room on the hour...for $1500 seats! Its awesome. They have a big, gigantic poker arena...good spacing between tables, good dealers, and HUGE turnouts. Some of the biggest I've ever seen, second only to those at Rio in the summer and some of the fields at Borgata. As much as I miss being away from Squirrel and Carley...its just not an event that can be missed.

I was debating whether to go out to Arizona and play the 45+ baseball tournament (they moved up from 35+...and now that I am 45!) with all the guys I played with two falls ago. Chad Brown might be there again, and my old roomie from New York, actor Chris Bruno will be there....it was between that and Hammond...or just staying home. Staying home was looking and feeling kind of attractive. But I couldn't find any other events I wanted to go play before the New Year arrives...and just thought, if there is ONE event I had to select, this one would be it. So...yeah. 

I'm having some trouble finding reasonable airfare. Not sure why...it used to always be SO cheap to fly to Chicago from here. Kai was entertaining thoughts of taking the Hammond trip...and mentioned the train. Hmmm...the train! I haven't done Amtrak in years. So I looked. One-way....$170. Leave New Orleans at 1:45 pm Wednesday, arrive 9am Thursday. Sounds kind of fun. The hotel I like to stay at looks booked. The Ramada on Calumet. And its hard to go there without a rental car. So I hope Kai does decide to go. He hosed me on travel/hotel costs on the Tent City trip...so he kind of owes me.

As for shares? Well...since I think the schedule is basically the same as the Bossier City lineup...I guess I will most likely sell it exactly the same. Only...this event will have a LOT more value and upside to it...as the fields are massive...and the SNG's go off a lot more regularly...so those prelim packages have a lot more earning potential. So...yeah...Main Event package....or PACKAGE #1...will cost $125 for a 2% share. You will be paying for two bullets in the $1675 Main Event. One flight played only, will result in getting half your investment back, on top of anything that is won..

Package #2 will be the PRELIM PACKAGE...and entitle you to 2% of everything I win in EVERYTHING I play other than the Main Event...every ring event, every non-ring event, every nightly event, every SNG. For $150 you get 2% of that action. I will sell a total of 25 shares....totaling 50% of my action for the event. I will not sell any more than that. If I sell less...that is fine. 

First come, first served. Rather..first paid...first guaranteed. If you bought into the last one...and have money coming back...you can reinvest in this next one. If you desire not to...cool, I will shoot you that money in the next three days. Let me know. Need any more info? ThePokerMonkey1@aol.com

Good night!

MONKEY

Last Longer for Casey Jones....

It's 4pm. I'm sitting at my favorite little grub hangout in the lobby at the Horseshoe in Bossier City, 'Burger Bar.' They have, quite possibly the most amazing Macaroni and Cheese on the planet Earth. It contains Andouille sausage...reallllllly healthy stuff. Whatever, its freaking incredible. Now, the only problem with this place, is the service. It is almost always subpar and quite frequently horrendous. It was bad last year, and its nearly worse this year. When, on my first visit of this trip, I was seated at the bar for 17 minutes (yes, I'm that guy!) without as much as a greeting, or a "I'll be with you in a minute" a manager finally picked up on my aggravation and asked if I'd been helped.

"Uh....no, no I haven't. And I've been sitting here for about 20 minutes now. Though I must say...I think I've been caught up with all the gossip that's going on here with the staff."

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry sir...what can I do for you?" I quickly rattled off my whole order, and in the middle of that process, along comes this very average-looking waitress, who had already previously zoomed right by me about 8 times like I was invisible and interrupted her manager:

"Heyyyy....wouldn't you rather have me waiting on you? I'm a lot cuter!"

Hmmm. So many possible responses here. For those of you who know me well, you can probably guess two or three of them, right?

1) If I was here to meet girls, I would have already left.

2) I think I will go with the uglier of my choices, since he seems interested in actually feeding me.

3) Is the way you 'look' somehow going to affect the flavor and preparation of my meal? Sweetie?

Whatever. The bottom line, was it was offensive. She was pretty much objectifying her existence by suggesting that any amount of horrible service could be overlooked simply because she was what she deemed herself,  a cute girl. Well, sorry...but it doesn't. Not all of us men are heathens who come to a dining establishment with the hopes of hooking up with a chubby little 18 year old who is wearing shorts that are two sizes too small.

Has anyone else pretty much come to the conclusion that Mitt Romney has no chance in hell of beating Barack in the upcoming election? I can't believe we're going to have to watch that weasel party on the taxpayers dollars for another four years. But what I'm wondering....is since it seems 85% of his current term was spent fundraising for his re-election campaign...what in the hell will he do if he gets re-elected? Maybe...just maybe...he will actually devote some time to fulfilling the duties of the office of the president? Maybe?

Can you imagine how annoying it is to play poker on top of a boat in the still 90-degree Louisiana summer? How bout the two flights of stairs you have to march up and down to get there? It's bad enough that the fluctuation in temperature is as severe as going from the jungles of Nairobi (not sure if there are actually jungles in Nairobi, just going for the dramatic there) to the icebergs of Antarctica....but its never quite so noticeable as when you are either card dead as shit...or running like a blind three-legged dog. Does anyone know why they keep prisons so freaking cold? Speaking of prisons...I'm almost positive that the cast of characters at my noon $365 tourney table had a combined 20-25 years of time spent in a state facility of some sort. The reason, back to my point...is because when they are cold, they pull in, they ball up, they chill the hell out. Way out. But when its hot? They get irritated...and after a certain amount of time being irritated, the urge is to lash out. Maybe fight someone. Maybe that guy in the next cell who is always snoring decides to change the channel off of what you're watching in the main living area. And you happen to notice a pencil laying on the bench...from a guy who was playing scrabble or something.

With the sweat beading down your forehead...and Maury Povich and a band of skanks screaming and yelling about how their babies Daddy 'wont pay no supppote' you find yourself rising to your feet...grabbing that pencil...and jabbing it in the neck of that snoring son of bitch. Guards move in to pin you down, and subdue you....while dude bleeds all over the floor...a peaceful serenity washes over you...as you realize you are about to get moved to solitary confinement...which you happen to know is equipped with a remarkable cooling system.

Okay, I might have gone just a little overboard there with that graphic analogy, but I'm just tying to underscore my current level of anxiety that I'm experiencing while running like hell in this frigging tent!!! Ya feeling me? Just a wee bit?

***************************************************************

So I finished my little meal, went up to the tent...and attempted to finish this entry..but for some damn reason, after I got about 7 paragraphs in it wouldn't continue to scroll down on my iPad. So I was forced to wait until tonight to finish this entry.

Some good things happened while I was in between writing this post. Namely, I entered the 5pm $250  Mega Satellite with 141 other misguided souls...and somewhere around Level 5 learned that there would be 17 winners. I won't bore you with the details. I will simply tell you that I finally got a hand to hold up in a 3-way all in...winning with KK vs. AQ and 9-10. And then I had one critical suckout...winning with A10h vs. AK...flopping a ten and getting it to hold. Remarkable. I would squeak into the seat...finishing with a mere 6 big blinds and watching on the other table as this poor schlub moved all in with JJ...got called by AQ...and had an ace fall on the river to shatter his dreams and fulfill those of 17 others. Sorry dude. Sucks. Welcome to poker!

It took over an hour for them to process all of us and get us registered for the Main Event, which starts tomorrow at noon...that is, if you are playing Flight A at noon. Otherwise...there is a Flight B that starts at 5pm...which hopefully I won't be needing to come near. I'm playing at noon...drawing my favorite...seat freaking 1. Not cool. Not cool. To combat the ridiculous weather conditions in that damn tent, I'm considering wearing shorts and a wife beater tomorrow, and bringing a change of clothes for when it invariably turns immediately into Green Bay in December.

I joined one of the guys who bought my 25 shares in this event for dinner at Binions steak house. Thanks to Mark Shreve for the awesome meal, the nice company, and the bottle of Mondavi Pinot Noir. It was easily the best meal I've had since I've been up here. Which isn't saying much...considering my main food stops have been Waffle House and the Burger Bar!

So...on a serious note...can we talk about the subject of my title today? For the past month, I have been trying very hard to raise money for the medical bills and costs associated with the passing of our friend Casey Jones. His two twin girls and wife were left with a lot of bills since they had no health insurance or life insurance. There has been a tremendous outpouring of financial support, through friends and family and fellow poker players...and even some not involved in poker or who even knew Casey at all. There are a lot of people out there with great hearts. Well...I had initially made an effort, along with a couple of other guys...to stage a charity tourney during this event to raise money for Casey's family. It wasn't able to be done...due to gaming commission regulations, was what I was told.

So....I came up with an idea. A lot of us have been doing 'last longers' during Main Events...usually for like, $100. I've organized a few of these, collecting the money, taking everyone's names...and making sure the winner got paid. I think I won it ONCE...during a spring event at the Beau Rivage. I thought it would be a really neat idea if we did this for Casey. I'm going to do a $100 Last Longer for In Memory of Casey Jones. Half of that money...will go directly to Casey's family. The other half, will go to the winner of the Last Longer. I think tomorrow morning, I am going to go find an Office Depot and buy a dry/erase board and pen....and get to the Horseshoe about an hour before the Main Event starts...and start taking names, and money...and put them on the board.

On a separate part of the board...I will list names of people who decide just to make donations to the family...and either post their name with the amount...or 'anonymous' if they wish to remain that way. As people are eliminated from the Main Event...I will ask them to come by the board and gracefully erase themselves from the board. After the contest is closed...which will be about two hours into Flight B...I will arrange for the Jones' share of the money to be given to his father Dennis. The other half, I will either hold onto...as long as I survive in the Main Event...or pass it on to a trustworthy participant or  staff member.

How to get in? Pretty easy. Just come find me. Give me your name, your money and your table and seat number. All of which will go on the board. Now...as there are TWO flights...this is important...IF you play Flight A...pay your $100...and bust...I know what your wondering; what if I decide to play Flight B?? Do I have to pay $100 again? The answer is 'NO!' Hey...its a last longer! You have to last longer than anyone in the tourney, right? Its all the same tourney! I mean...your punishment...is that you have to cough up another $1675 to play. But you need to come to the board (and/or me possibly) and get your name BACK on the board!

So...how many will we get? I have no idea. But since I posted this idea on Facebook this morning, I have already had a bunch of people tell me they are 100% on board and wanting to do it. And I am happy to announce that the first one to jump on board, and hand me his $100 was none other than Michael 'Carwash' Schneider. So...what do you all say? Shock me! I expect about ...mmmm.....I think somewhere between 450-600 players for the Main. Can we get 100 in the Last Longer? More? 100 would mean $5,000 to Casey's family. Not bad. And that would get them to their goal of $30,000 total raised. 

Alright...its after 1am. I am incredibly tired...and need some sleep. I was going to play the Main Event either way...since I sold out my 'Package #2' to the Main Event buyers...but what this win in the Mega means is that the people in Package #1 got a nice little infusion of prize money to go along with the Nightly win a few nights ago, the PLO Final Table money, one SNG win, and last nights Final Table money from the 7pm nightly again...where I got my 10-10 (running horribly with 10-10 this week) snapped by the eventual winner's AJ...turning a jack to eliminate me in 9th place.  So...again, I head into the Main Event on a positive wave of momentum. Just like in Vegas this summer. So....I'm ready to find a little run good tomorrow!!!

MONKEY

Bossier City.....GOTCHA! Finally!

None of you have to tell me how much I suck this week as a reliable blogger. I know. Bottom line I guess is I have been swamped with my pools...the poker...and trying to sleep in between. My second event up here I final tabled the PLO tourney. Then with 9 left...couldn't have been MORE card dead. Ended up getting it all in fairly decent with A-J-10-10...but ran into a better hand of A-Q-K-K and couldn't improve or outdraw. 9th paid $1077...and got me some National Freeroll points, and my 26th career WSOP circuit cash...which moves me into a 5th place tie all-time.

I spent the next two days pulling my hair out. Got off to a kick ass start two days ago...in the $365. Had $30k at the first break (start with 10k) and 54k by second break. Everything came off the tracks when my AA got derailed by a little old lady and her pocket jacks...and just went downhill from there. I busted out 39th out of 242...and 27 getting paid. Sucked. During that dinner break I bought into the Omaha 8orB...using it as an insurance policy. It almost worked. But it didn't. With 22 left...paying 12...I got it all in with AA3J...flopped a set, turned freaking quads...and lost to old man who was chasing a low...who didn't even see that he made a straight flush. I threw up in my mouth. Then went to my hotel. Yeah...that day sucked big huge donkey balls.

Last night...on my second bullet in the nightly shit-show...I somehow managed to have one of those tourneys where almost nothing went wrong. Although when we got to the final table, I had the shortest stack...and my first priority was to get even on the day...so about $575. But then things started rolling. And before I knew it I was chipleader with 4 left. I had already told everyone when I was the shortest stack that there would be NO chop as long as I was still in it. I stayed true to my word. I got heads up with David Fox...a British guy I know really well...who lives in Texas, and who I've played with now for years. Very capable opponent. Nothing really fancy to say about our heads up match. We played for about 30 minutes I think. Not sure because I was pretty heavy into the Red Snappers by then.

See that hat? The night before, while playing cash game...told a kid in a Canada hat, that I also have a Canada hat, and whenever I need a win I wear it. Decided I would wear it yesterday. Pretty spooky....eh!???

It was a win. For $2800. And while that isn't the 'big score' I'm chasing...it did get me and my Backer Package Posse back into the black for the trip...so as long as I'm winning them money...I feel a lot better about things. And just WINNING a tourney always feels good, especially up here. These players are WHACK jobs.  Nice folks...just impossible to play against in the normal sense.

I truly have a LOT to write about and tell y'all...and to all you guys and ladies up here who have introduced yourselves this week and told me you read my blog...thanks! I really appreciate you checking me out! Problem is, I'm late today...and just don't want to be TOO late...but wanted to pass on a little bit of good news coming out of the swamp in Shreveport!!!!

MONKEY

Bitchin and Whinin!

I'm not sure about that title? I might even change it before this post is finished. We'll see. I've jumped on the Baltimore Orioles' bandwagon. I find what they are doing to be astonishing. I'd do the same for Oakland...but as a Mariners fan, and lifelong hater of all things Oakland...can't do it. What the *%&$ happened to the Pittsburgh Pirates? Last year...they were 'the surprise team of baseball' till the All Star break..then fizzled. This year...they did the same...and made it about a month deeper...then fizzled. So I expect them to finally do it NEXT season, I guess.

Meanwhile...this hard-working, flying-under-the-radar team of scrappers called the Spite Monkeys...have miraculously clawed their way into the Fantasy Baseball playoffs...and upset the #1 seed in the first round of the playoffs...and now, in the semifinals, lead the 'Sharp Ones' by a score of 14 categories to 2. Can the Spite Monkeys make it all the way to the championship game? The league title is worth $1200. Go Monkey's Go!!!!

Our trip home from Seattle was a nightmare. But not because of Carley. As a matter of fact, she saved me and Squirrel from really losing our minds. On the way out...Carley was nearly perfect...with only a couple of minor freak-outs. The two kids in the seats next to us and one row back were both throwing up and filling the cabin with a delightful aroma. On our first leg...from Biloxi to Houston...which is what? A one-hour flight maybe? We had this male flight attendant...and I know they are usually assumed to be gay when they are male flight attendants...but I'm not sure about this fella. He was such a miserable motherf&$)#& that I question whether either sex would have this douchebag.

Most airlines are pretty okay with letting passengers move around the plane when there are numerous empty seats. There are seats that guys like me to sit in...and they are on the exit row. They are a bit more spacious. Well...there a few airlines (Continental is one and I had a little 'experience' with them over this issue last year) who take the penny-squeezing opportunity to gouge people for those particular seats. So with our plane 75% empty, and an exit row seat open just one row behind us...I slipped back into that seat, so Cheryl and Carley could have an open seat for Carley to lay on, and I'd be right next to her in the aisle.

Along comes 'the asshole from flight attendant hell!' The only thing better would have been if I had videoed him on my phone...and posted it here and all over freaking YouTube.  I swear, these flight attendant episodes are getting more and more rampant lately. You finally see it all the time now...and I credit the phone technology for that. I'm pretty positive this has been going on for years...we just haven't had the proof to show the world. There are a lot of nice flight attendants who really do a good job. But that number is dwindling. I rarely take a flight nowadays where I don't have at least one miserable fuck manning the aisles.

So shitbird shows up and tells me I can't sit in this seat because I didn't pay the extra surcharge for it. Well, see actually...I HAD! I purchased it when I booked the seats a month ago. Problem is...when we checked in, and they saw our baby...they wouldn't permit me to have the seat. Babies arent allowed to sit in the exit row...I had forgotten about that. He didn't care. I ask him, what's the big deal? It's a one-hour flight. The plane is nearly empty. It's my child's first flight. How about letting her lay down...and probably sleeping? Instead of having to sit up, and maybe crying and bothering all the other passengers. Nope. You would have thought this jerkoff owned the plane. He tells me, "these ladies across the row purchased these seats, its not fair to them." 

That's when the ladies chimed in by telling him they had no problem with me sitting there. Oh...well, that didn't matter! So that attempted drivel fell short. These two women were the two he was spinning a tale to before we took off...when they were protesting that they couldn't bring their very small carry-ons onto the plane...having flown a lot, and knowing they would fit in the overhead space just fine. This yo-yo goes into this whole spiel about 'ever since 9/11' blah blah blah. He literally was changing his story mid-story...at one point trying to sell them on the myth that certain airplanes carried certain restrictions and that it, too had to do with 9/11. Bottom line...this guy was a major prick. It's like...instead of being accommodating, and pleasing the passenger any chance he could...he instead was looking for reasons to piss them off.

At some point...the whole 'because of 9/11' reasoning will have to wear off...won't it? I mean...can this really go on and on and on forever? It's so annoying. And when people use it to try to trick and fool you? It's just offensive.

So I wouldn't leave the seat. He told me that as he was pushing the beverage cart...which, ironically...as the guy who was 'just doing my job' in forcing me to move out of the exit row seat....he never did offer me a beverage. Which I was only to eager to point out to him when...after concluding his beverage service...returned to reiterate that I had to move out of that seat...and if I didn't, he was going to have the Houston P.D. meet me on the ground when we landed. Huh? What? Did this fuckturd seriously just threaten me with the police? I spent over $1000 on this flight...and it's a huge fucking deal for me to actually sit in a COMFORTABLE seat...on a plane that is 75% empty? I really wanted to kick out a window and let the suction pull this human feces out of the plane.

So, whatever....I moved. To another empty seat...three rows up, and still near Carley and Squirrel...so I could be near them. Oh...it was cramped...but fuck it. I wasn't letting this troll ruin our trip with a tour of the Houston pokey. But the weasel didn't stop. When we were on our descent...there was this incredibly annoying squeak coming from the planes fuselage...and if you guys know me, and how OCD I am...you can imagine how irritating it was. So to muffle it, I put on my headphones. They weren't plugged into anything...as we had gotten the message to discontinue the use of all electronic devices, etc etc. In fact, I didn't even have the power switch turned on...you know? The one that activates the 'noise cancelling'...following the directions of the airline to the 't.' 

Oh! But wait here he comes again! How did I know he would pounce on this. 

"YOU HAVE TO REMOVE YOUR HEADPHONES SIR!!!"

I held up the plug...which was plugged into nothing.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! YOU HAVE TO REMOVE THEM FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!!!"

Huh? My safety? Can someone explain how my headphones are endangering my life? I asked him if he had a Xanax I could take so that their piece of crap, rattling airplane would stop annoying me. He didn't. Useless loser. I took off my dangerous headphones. And let the squeaking bulkhead drive me crazy all the way to the ground. It dawned on me, the irony of some of the airlines' ridiculous 'safety' rules. 'Please return your drink trays to their tray holder and move your seat into the upright position....for the safety of the passengers.' Huh? Safety? Okay....so explain something to me. I can take my baby on the plane...and hold her on my LAP!?? How safe is that? Turbulence? She slips out of our arms...where is SHE going? And in the event of a plane crash? Do they really, really think...that there is ANY safe way to be sitting in your seat that is going to save your life?

Look...you are basically sitting on a missile...that when slamming into the ground...is usually going to smash the bodies of everyone inside of it. I don't think my seat moving another 15 degrees to an upright position is going to really have an affect on how much impact my body takes when we pummel the Earth. How bout just letting us sit comfortably for that 35,000 foot nosedive into our date with death? Please, and thank you...and please...whatever you do God...do not let that asshole flight attendant be the lone surviving passenger!

It's now 4:30. I'm going to go play the PLO event here in Bossier City. I skipped the noon $580 (yeah...I said $580...nice how this juice just keeps getting bigger and bigger) because I'm pretty sure it was a turbo, since it was branded a one-day event. Plus I like Omaha, have had some success playing it, and its a ring event. And I needed to get caught up on my sleep (drove up all night on Wednesday, got in late...and didn't sleep a whole lot) and the paper work associated with my poker shares...of which I sold ALL 25 shares offered...and then one extra one to a friend I've know for years who works for the WSOP.

On that subject, I got a very asshole-ish email from a guy who has demonstrated his ability to be a poker jerk in the past, over my shares program. He is one of the most condescending people I've known in poker. Thinks all the 'ground rules' regarding staking are set in stone somewhere...and God forbid that someone is able to sell a package that is much more attractive than what he deems 'the standard markup cost.' So he has the audacity to label me, in so many words...a scam artist.  I removed him from my Facebook the last time he offended me with his remarks. Now I have removed him (per his request) from my email disto list. Now if I can just get my wife to boot him from her Facebook...it will be a clean sweep of him from our lives. Not only that...the guy is an LSU fan. Ugh. Peace out...hater.

So yeah, drove up here all night Wednesday. No tickets...that was nice. Staying at Motel 8...which isn't too bad. Have a big bed, a microwave and fridge. Kai was supposed to come with me and room with me...but bailed at 3pm on Wednesday. So yeah...suck it Kai...ya douchebag. Resulted in my costs on fuel, hotel, and other unpublishable extras...to double.

Day One saw me play the 293-player Event 1...a $365 buy in. I started very well. My 10k quickly became 13k. Then Dave 'Never Announces Raise' Templeton to push into my table...offered me a warm greeting, to which I pleasantly replied...then set off on destroying my stack. In just two orbits from hell...his masterful ability to demolish my stack had been achieved. And as I was losing another hand to drop me to 2250, they broke our table. Ahhhh perfect. New table, new chances to bitch and whine about OMRG's and their fishing or hunting related hats. Why do I think I can come to these swampy communities with their hunters and fishers and think I can ever outlast them? I'm so silly and stubborn in thinking I can have my way with these old cusses.

I get double up by an old buzzard who made this fancy play and missed. I called a pretty aggressive player's preflop raise with A9h. Old guy called with J10 off. Whatever. The flop comes 9-7-7. Initial raiser leads out 800. (blinds were 100-200 with 25 ante) I decide to move all in for my last 1750. Buzzard calls. First guy folds. I fully expect him to turn over A7 and be leaving. Nope. J10. Got shot. On a paired board. Wow. Really? He missed...the Jack, or the 10 or the 8...which really gave him a LOT more outs than I would have liked him to have to get rewarded for his stupidity. So I was back in it. Won a couple more pots and was  back to 13k and dreaming about final tabling the first event up here.

Craaaaashhhhh! Forget it. The spiral of doom would follow soon after. Old buzzard busted and was replaced by a virtual clone. Making the same incredibly retarded plays. On one...and this one was comical, he limps in for 200. Three other people limp in. I'm in the BB and make it 800 with 77. He is fumbling for his chips...and about to call, when the next player announces '2200.' I can't imagine that he didn't HEAR the guy...but well, he asked the dealer again how much it was to call. "800 sir."  (and uh...in case you didn't notice, its about to go up a bit more!) So he places his 800 chips out there. And...ta da! It gets re-raised to 2200. Surprise surprise. It folds to me, I let my 77's go. And now its back to genius. What? It was raised? To how much? Oh...no, no...I can't call 2200. He folds. Incredible. This little story? Was just a microcosm of some of the shit I saw on just the FIRST day! Imagine how mentally tortured I'm going to be after 12 days of this shit? And you say you wanna be a pro poker player and do this for a living? Seriously...and I can't stress this to you enough...find the pharmaceutical rep in your neighborhood...you're going to need him/her!

Okay...so I'm now down to 1850. There is a small raise behind me. The blinds are now 150/300. I move all in with pocket 8's. New stupid old guy...completely NOT taking into account the initial raiser whatsoever...calls my all in...and after calling my 1850, leaves only 2200 behind. Nice play sir. The only reason us 'normal' players could see a guy doing that is if he is sitting on aces and wants that first raiser to come along for the ride. Hahaha....forget that. The first raiser folds. And he turns over....wait for it......

QUEEN EIGHT OF SPADES!

Whoa whoa whoa...wait wait wait! Stop laughing. This guy....obviously, is psychic! Because the dealer spins this magical flop..... As-10s-9s. Good game, Monkey. See y'all.  Oh...but I get the wonderful "it was really nice playing with you Monkey" from Mr. Q-8. Ugh...yeahhhhhh.....ugh, thanks.

See, my little appearance on ESPN this week has made me something of a celebrity up here. Not exactly the level of celebrity I was seeking in this poker life. I would prefer to be the guy featured because he was winning hands, piling up chips and mowing down the competition...not the guy who got his KK snapped by a waitress from Norway making her first lifetime tourney cash. But on Day One...I must have heard close to 50 people relive that hand for me. At least having it be a bad beat...I was getting a lot of sympathy from people. As opposed to making some unbelievably bad play to get knocked out...which would surely have made me the butt of a lot of jokes behind my back, and maybe even to my face. So yeah...I guess this way is better.

But what is it  about these poker subculture mongrels who get such a special little thrill about beating a player in a hand who has ....hold on....BEEN ON TV!!!!!???? These are the guys who get their buddies together on WSOP ESPN night, I guess...with their beer, and their grills...and watch, analyze and root for their favorite players every Tuesday night. And oh holy shit...should they get the chance to be at the same table as 'one of them' they are going to show him! And make his buddies proud when he tells them how he took 'that guy' down with his brilliant and crafty play!

Okay...gotta wrap this up. Didn't even get into the FLIGHT HOME story. Maybe later. I lost the 5pm tourney also yesterday. During level 6...a monster storm ripped through the area. The rain was incredible. You couldn't leave the tent that sits atop the boat/casino. It was beginning to get flooded. The thunder was violently loud. I will admit, I was somewhat uneasy. But that weather system passed finally. Oh...but there was another one approaching. And...well, despite letting us all stay up there for the first one, someone must have started talking about lawsuits up in corporate somewhere...because now they decided to evacuate 'The Tent' before the next system showed up. So everything went in to a two hour delay.

Went downstairs and played cash game. Um...ever play cash game in Bossier City? Prepare yourself. The 1/3 game might as well have been a 5/10 game. Don't even THINK about limping in for $3 if you aren't prepared to call $25. This old guy on my left was about to have a coronary...losing to the same guy over and over, who was calling $35 raises with 2-6 (old guy had QQ) and $25 with 4-8 (old guy with KK) and outflopping him and subsequently busting him (old guy rebought three times in an hour of my sitting there) both times...and then just sitting there chuckling. I felt like I was in an alternate poker universe. Somehow I escaped that table with a $170 profit.

Some where along the way I ran into Bob Talbot...who was kind enough to buy one of my shares...having expressed dismay at missing out on the first shares program this summer. He also brought me a massive bag of beef jerky...which was delicious...and which vanished by the end of Day One! Thanks Bobby!!!

After the rain delay...everything went to shit. What was once a $22k stack (started with 5k) went south as my JJ twice went up against AQ only to lose on the river both times...once to an ace and the other time to a Q. I couldn't recover from those...and ended up out in Level 8. With 26 players left. Then went and lost the 7pm tourney. Oh my God...was that ever a freak show.

The night ended on a positive note however, as I won a $65 SNG...I know I know...tried to play a $125....they just couldn't get one to sell. Whatever...I won. The guy wanted to chop when we got heads up...and had pretty equal stacks...but I was more interested in getting back to (close anyway) even on the day...plus I felt like I was going to crush the guy heads up. So I refused. And crushed him heads up.

Went to Waffle House...had a great meal...then came to my room and crashed. Then woke up...and...well, you get it. This rat is back on the wheel...and it now, its time to end this blog...and get that wheel-a-spinning!!!!

MONKEY

SEATTLE! NFL! NCAA! WSOP shares!!!

I realize I haven't blogged in about a week. Sorry. I've been busy. Me, Cheryl and Carley packed up and flew to Seattle on Wednesday for a get together with our family. Carley handled the flight pretty well. Thank God.

Couple nights ago I went with my Dad and brother Jimmy to Safeco Field to see Felix Hernandez pitch against Oakland. It was probably his worst outing in two years...and they got crushed 6-1. It was still a good time. Great weather, and not too big a crowd (22,000) so it was easy getting in and out of there.

Spent a fair amount of time working on my pools all week. Got a record number of 245 in my $25 Survivor Pool...fell just short of 100 in the $100 Survivor Pool...and got good numbers in both the Confidence Pool and the NCAA Survivor Pool. Never fails...we end up losing 13 in the first week with upsets of Okla State, Nebraska and Wisconsin...all at the hands of Pac 12 teams!! But my favorite Pac-12 team...the Washington Huskies...went to Baton Rouge and got shit-stomped. 41-3. Ugh. I didn't really expect them to win...but I did think they would compete.

We had a really good show on the Poker Radio show last Sunday...with Mike Matusow, Dennis Phillips and current WSOP Main Event chipleader Jesse Sylvia. Today's show looks pretty good too...with Aaron Massey becoming our first guest to REJOIN us for a Take-2...after he won the Big event up in Oklahoma at Win-Star Casino. Pretty awesome for him!

Poker? I am going to Bossier City two days after I get back from Seattle...and I put together my package for that event about a week or so ago. I gave my 'Monkey's Gang of 30' from this summer first crack at the 25 shares I am selling...as I don't want to play that event up there for anything less than 50%. I sold 12 shares of Package 1 and 8 shares of Package 2. Interested? And...please...hold your critiquing of what my markup is. Trust me, I'm well aware. Basically...how I'm selling my packages amounts to the deal I had with my previous backer...she put up the entire amount..and I played for 60/40 (her way) with no makeup.

PACKAGE 1 - 'The Main Event' package.

They are charging $1675 for that event. You have the option of possibly playing twice. If Session A goes bad. I tend to make it out of Day 1 when I play Main Events...but, just in case...I am selling it twice. Total of $3350 to be raised. But the nice catch? If I do NOT play that Session B? Investors get their money returned. Which would basically amount to half of the price I am charging for Main Event shares...which is $125. That $125 buys 2% of my Main Event action.

PACKAGE 2- 'The Prelim Events' package.

Adding up ALL the possible tourneys I may play...it comes out to just a shade over $6000. Well, anyone who plays poker even a decent amount...knows that there is no way in hell I will play ALL of those...but I will most likely play at least $4000 worth of tourneys...since I have been on the bench since this summer...am well rested, and dialed in and ready to play 12 hours a day. Each share...which will also garner 2% of my TOTAL action in those events will cost $150. I will also maintain a daily spreadsheet...which I will attempt to send out to each investor on a daily (late at night) basis. Most of my investors, past and present...follow my Twitter and Facebook...so no one is ever very far out of the loop. 

So far, a lot of people are buying into BOTH packages. Funds from one will NOT be co-mingled with the other. So if you buy into the Main package...and I only play Session A...your refund would NOT go into the Package 2 bankroll. It would be refunded separately.

I will NOT sell more than 25 shares. So I will basically give favor to those who pay first. I will accept checks by mail or PayPal. For more info just hit me at my email address.  ThePokerMonkey1@aol.com

The NFL has started today...and whoa...RG3 looks like the real deal...as the Redskins just took a 20-14 lead into the first half. Saints got UNlucky to lose a touchdown out of the back of the endzone (and I have Brees as my fantasy QB on one of my teams!) but then LUCKY to get a blocked punt for a TD...so lets see how this second half goes!

What else? I'm gonna keep it short. Wanted to get this Bossier City info out there so I can get that wrapped up hopefully before my plane lands back in Biloxi/Gulfport tomorrow!'

MONKEY

Hello SEPTEMBER! Goodbye Isaac! WTF, Clint!??

Yeah! Bring on September! Bring on football season! Bring on baseball's playoffs! Bring on perfect weather! Bring on WSOP-C Bossier City! It is officially my favorite time of year!

Tomorrow (or tonight I guess) night the Crimson Tide take on Big Ten wanna-be powerhouse Michigan...who comes in 13.5 pt underdogs...but with their fans talking a lotta shit. Bama, in its typical fashion is being very quiet, very professional...and I expect will come in and win in convincing fashion. Not sure about those 14pts...but I do not expect an upset. Roll Tide!

Isaac leaves us...finally! Three days of non-stop rain and wind were a trip. It looks like New Orleans dodged a major bullet. I wonder what would have happened had they not spent $14b rebuilding all their levees? Could have been lights out for the Big Easy. The good news? The midwest...in their worst drought in 60 years is currently getting drenched...and the Mississippi River, at its lowest level in decades...will likely be filled back up to a level that will get the barges moving again. Funny how mother nature sometimes just corrects all of the problems. So...thanks Isaac. My yard needed it too.

Who checked out the RNC? Yeah...me either. But I did check out Clint Eastwood's much-talked-about speech. And now...I discover his 'Eastwooding' is becoming a Tebow-like craze. And this pisses me off! Why? Some of you, who have played at a table with me...know why. Because I started doing this years ago. What the hell am I talking about? I'm talking about speaking to a person in an empty chair. Example? Player who I couldn't stand all day long...who I thought played like shit...or just stupid, ends up donking off all his chips. I then spend the next few orbits talking to the player in the chair...even though he is no longer there.

"Hey! What are you doing? Didn't you forget to 4-bet squeeze right there on the button? No? Oh...I guess not...since you RAN OUT OF CHIPS!!!"

"Um...you know its my big blind this hand, right? Make sure you remember to min raise me again. Don't make me remind you!"

While this is going on...there is usually half the table that knows what I'm doing, and is laughing at my antics. Then there is the other half...who has no clue. They look at me like most of us look at the homeless guy walking down the sidewalk who is having a conversation with an imaginary adversary. When I used to live in NYC in the 90's, I would look at these guys and insist that they were simply actors in costume...and were working on their monologues. (if you don't know what a monologue is...its something an actor uses on auditions)

Yeah...it's usually the older players...they seem to be the easiest to mind-fuck. The young guys usually get it. I am pretty polarizing in that sense. Been talking to a couple of my intellectual equals about this lately. How comments we make are often mistakenly taken as rude or offensive, when in actuality we are just using witty, often times random in nature, humor. I've literally made statements towards another player...that in my mind, and with my intention being...to fully compliment the person, lead to him calling the floor and informing him that I was berating him. No bullshit. More than a few times. Its befuddling. And disappointing. And makes me sad that my fellow humans don't all possess an IQ over that of a dill pickle. But every good warrior knows...or SHOULD know...that to exist and defeat thy enemy, he must first know him. And know him well. 

So back to my gripe. Because Clint Eastwood is a little more famous than moi, his 'Eastwooding' tactic is going to forever be associated with him...so that NOW whenever I pull that act at a table, someone...some asshole...will undoubtedly throw out the "Oh...I get it! You're Eastwooding!!!" No, fucker...I'm not...I'm 'Monkeying!' It's the same damn thing that happened with the whole Jamie Gold 'craze.' A 4-year career of mind-fucking other players with table talk...of telling them what I think they had before betting into them with either the nuts or sometimes total air and getting them to fold...went up in smoke, when that child molester-looking douche made his WSOP run 5 years ago...or whenever it was.

After that...anytime I would pull that act...I would get the 'oh you think you're Jamie Gold, right?' @*(#$*($(&!_$#(*$!&@#  Son of a ......

Haven't seen my baby now in a week. I guess Squirrel is finally coming home on Sunday. She is really close to her family, and has them scattered all over North Alabama...and I know she has been dragging Carley all over to see all of them...so I'm sure her and Carley have had a great time. But I'm ready for them to come home.

Ordered a new Dell just a few minutes ago. I guess you could call it an impulse buy. My current one lasted almost two years...which is close to a record. I usually burn through one in about 18 months...then pass it down to Squirrel. Well...my current one is in fairly decent shape...but hers is close to biting the dust...so she will get this one...a nice Crimson-colored XPS...her nicest one yet. Dell was having a 5-day Labor Day sale...so I bit.

I guess all the casinos made it through the hurricane okay. None of them slipped into the gulf.

Rented a pretty good movie on RedBox last night. With all subtitles...which meant I had to watch it while NOT playing online poker. 'The Raid-Redemption.' Awesome fight and death scenes. Two thumbs up. 

College football returned with a bang Thursday night...and the first thing that hit me hardest, was no Erin Andrews on the sidelines for ESPN this year...and it sucks. No idea what the hell she is doing...but I'm anxiously waiting.

I had a dream that I won the WSOP Main Event...and while being interviewed, was asked what I wanted to do if I had a choice. Not sure why...but I said I wanted to be on 'Dancing With the Stars." And they accepted me. No idea how far I got.

Okay...it's 6am. I think I'm finally getting tired again. Bye Bye.

MONKEY