Depression vs. Simple Annoyance

It's kind of a touchy thing, I think. When is it classified as 'depression' when you have the feelings where you just can't seem to find the 'gear' where you can coast around feeling content?

I wonder...has our society fallen into a rut where doctors and TV commercials just hammer it into our brain that we are all suffering from some kind of malady? So we will buy their 'candy.'

I had kind of an interesting day yesterday. First, on Saturday night, something really strange happened. I logged on to an online poker for the first time in weeks...and in three sit n gos, booked a 4th (out of 45) a 5th (out of 45) and a 1st (out of 27)...sat staring at my computer in amazement, then turned it off. Figured, wow...quit on a good note and come back on Sunday and go for an actual successful Sunday. Yeah, well...that magic faded pretty quick on Sunday.

Sunday was a nightmare. Aside from winning the Championship matchup in my 'Big Money League' in fantasy football...my first ever fantasy championship of any kind, and against the biggest asshole in the league, who will never be allowed to play in any of my pools again, it was a disaster of a day. My partner who I teamed up with in the $100 Survivor Pool decides at the last minute when the Philly/Minn game got moved to Tuesday to switch his pick from Philly to San Diego. Oh boy. The Chargers got creamed by the Bengals...who seemed to have forgotten how much they suck and won their last two games. Then...on the wagering side of things...whatever COULD go wrong on Sunday....went wrong. Sunday was to football like the Titanic was to cruising. Think you all saw THAT movie.

I have a buddy who is an Army Ranger. Has been since I met him 7 or 8 years ago. He gets very little time off. Well, he called me up a week ago and told me he was on leave, and wanted to take his new girlfriend on a little trip, and maybe play some poker. So they went to New Orleans...and were scheduled to come through here, spend the night on Sunday...and go to dinner with Squirrel and I.

Well...Squirrel caught some kind of nasty stomach virus and spent all Saturday night and morning getting it on with the bathroom floor and the commode. Kind of cancelled out my buddy staying here and all of us going out. So I joined them myself instead.

He found himself a cutie. Nice girl too...kind of looked like Kate Hudson/Goldie Hawn. We went to Saki sushi...who Squirrel and I took off the boycott list a while back. Well...they came real close to getting back on. We sat down at 8:20pm. Our waiter was a young kid who was clearly not good at his craft. We finally got him to take our order...and decided to start with 5 rolls and hinted that we might add to our order later. This is when he tells us "we close at 9 and if you put in more later, it might not get made."

"Excuse me? I don't think so. We entered your establishment at 8:15. You don't just decide to stop making food at 9pm."

He thought otherwise. Then I suggested that he was new there. He strongly denies it. I ask him how long he has been working there. He tells me 8 months. I laugh...and tell him that yes...thats new! That I've been eating at that restaraunt for 4 years now and a few other choice words. Magically he shut up after that and served us everything we asked for from that point on. I have no idea if this is/was the reason why I had a strange dream last night (among about 10 others) that I was a waiter in a crowded restaraunt...and had this party of 8 that was ordering the strangest things, things that we either didn't have or I couldn't find. This lady orders something she said was like corn syrup...but was a liquor...and had some weird name. In the time I spend looking for a bartender who had heard of it...all my other tables were getting further and further behind. They all started getting super agitated, which in turn made me freak out...then the manager started hounding me...and finally, I took off my apron, laid it on the counter, and walked out of the restaurant. Forever. Nice dream. I actually pulled that move once as a waiter...I was about 28 I think. Just walked out in the middle of a shift.

So, after our meal...we decide to go play cash game at the I.P. He kind of wanted to go back and play at the Beau Rivage...where they are staying. But for two reasons I begged off of that option. Number 1...we have an event coming up at the Beau...one which I am pretty excited for, and the last thing I need is to go into the B.R. and do anything, say anything or have anything implied from my actions that could lead to me once again finding trouble in there. During the last event...after finding some Patron on the first night...I got into some 2/5 shenanigans, thankfully with a guy I am fairly good buddies with...but which had the cash room buzzing with possible 'Monkey Violations' that led to a little pow wow with one of the head guys over there and me agreeing to avoid the cash room the rest of the tourney....and to also fade the Patron for the rest of the event!

The other reason would be that with their unlimited buy in on their cash games...I just didn't really feel the need to go into that stressful environment when my main focus for the night was to simply enjoy the company of my friend and play some low-key poker.

Our dinner conversation was pretty stimulating and centered around the stuff going on in the Middle East and our (U.S.) role. I am pretty deep into that stuff, from the books I read to the documentaries I watch...and have managed to form quite a few opinions. Well, being friends with a guy who is immersed in that life and willing to open up about it is very intriguing. Granted, he isn't obviously allowed to discuss specific operations with me or anyone else...but the conversations we do have are very riveting. I really respect what him and guys like him do for our country. It is amazing the danger they put themselves in for our interests.

Well, we sit down at a 1/2 table that seems to be playing pretty tight. The largest stack on the table is only about $400. So we both buy in for $300. On about the 5th hand...on a limped pot, the flop comes J-9-5 rainbow. I am holding J-5. My buddy has 5-9. Annoying black guy in green shirt/green hat who talks like some weird cross between Sanford (of Sanford and Son) and Chris Rock...has J9. Guess who gets all my chips? Yep. Rebuy! And the 'tightness' of our table has suddenly flown out the window. It is now playing like a 1/2/15 game.

It becomes a tremendously annoying cash session...first for me...and then for my buddy. He ends up losing all of his second rebuy...for a total of $600...and decides it is time for him and his date to boogey back on over to the Beau Rivage. I was busy trying vigourously to turn my 2nd $300 buy in back into at least a break even session.

So...seated at this 1/2 table were some of the most ridiculously annoying people ever. The green shirt guy I literally started fantasizing about all the ways I would like to torture. He never shut up. And the things he was saying...stupid, pointless and just the height of irritating. $2 to go...

"Two dolllars? No raise? Just $2? Well...hell, I's gonna play anyting for $2! Two dollars? Two dollars? Really? Two dollars? Hell.....for two dollars I's gonna see any flop! Yeah....sheeeeeeit...two dollars.......come on....."

OMFG....someone kill me!

Then there was Mr. Woodcock in the four seat. With some weird growth on the middle of his nose. And his buzz cut hairdo. Reliving his past Air Force glory days as a mechanic by talking about his son...who just went in the Air Force to follow in his fathers memorable footsteps. Guy only played a hand if it contained an ace...and played the shit out of it. He was one of my favorite OCD violators...a straw chewer. Anytime he had to make a big decision for a large portion of his stack...it became lights, camera, action time. Rubbin his head...then verbally talking out the succession of betting...which is always funny with bad players because while doing that they are, unbeknownst to them, telling you exactly what you don't have to worry about THEM having. Oh...and he also was that guy who liked to turn over just ONE card after winning a pot...and never the card that had you beat. You all know THAT prick, right?

Then we had the guy in the 10 seat. Ever see the Country Bear Jamboree at Disney World? He was the bear who played that Jug with a string coming out of it...think it was the bass. Big bear with the big gut? Real mopey face. Know who I'm talking about? Not a rude guy by any means...but about 3 gears slower than everyone on a 5-speed engine. A receding hair line...and who, whenever faced with a big decision or a river beat...would, with both hands...start rubbing the top of his head. It was very bizarre.

Remember Droopy Dog the cartoon? Picture him.

"Hey Lippy....why did that guy call off 80% of his stack on the turn with a bad flush draw? Ohhhhh meeeee.....ohhhhhh myyyyyyyy"

Am I boring you guys? Do you need something exciting to happen to avoid you clicking somewhere else? Maybe...as I notice my total hits this month are down quite a bit. I guess maybe cuz its Christmas time and you all have more important things to do like go shopping and spend time with your families.

Okay..here is something exciting. With a live straddle on and two callers behind me I pick up 88 and make it $20. I get a few callers....we'll call it...the whole table...or 6. That's when the original straddler makes it $60. Hmmm...now something inside of me is telling me he is squeezing right there. But something is also reminding me that whenever I THINK I have made a good read in cash game...I seemed to always get a big fat bone in the ass. Also, he is sitting about 750 deep...and I am sitting at about 340. Not a great time to be wrong. The other thing swimming around in my head is that if I just call the $60...there is a good chance a few of these other clowns will also...and should I get lucky and flop an 8...well, I am going to be sitting on quite a nice stack. So I just call, and sure enough two other guys call also. I am watching the guy who made the original raise...and now he starts squirming a bit after the other callers.

I know that squirm. That is the squirm of "Oh great...I didn't mind one caller...but three? How the hell am I supposed to get this hand to hold up NOW!???"

That is when I started thinking he might have had AA or KK. Yikes. Well, the flop comes out Jh-4h-5h. I watch him look back down at his hand...hesitate, then bet out $125. That smells like two black aces. If he had the ace of hearts...I would have expected this guy to lead out about $50. I think my 8h is likely live. And I don't have much more to lose. So I jam all in. The other two piss and moan and fold. He starts groaning too....

"Jeezuz....you flop a set on me?" Which was when I KNEW he had AA or KK. He finally makes the call...and juat as I thought turned over two black aces. I didn't show yet...but when the river was the 4 of hearts...he utters, "Oh...well, I'm sure I'm dead now!" and I showed him my hand. He kind of lost it. Oooops. Sorry. I dragged a pretty huge pot...and now was back above even finally. I sat there for a couple more orbits and couldn't take any more of the table and cashed out for $740. Good enough.

At the cash out window...there was this guy who looked like a 'carnie.'

[carnie: Guy who works the carnival/amusement park circuit...generally the type of guy who was thrown around from foster home to foster home, is unusual-looking in appearance, and possesses the characteristics of a deranged postal worker]

I had never seen this guy before. In fact I wasn't even looking at his face yet...just watched him fumble over my chips...and then the money...until finally he started laying the bills on the counter...after having counted them out in his hands first, twice. It was like watching two monkeys fight over a coconut.

I first grabbed the $100 bills, because like most people I organize the bills in order in my wallet. Thats when he freaked out.

"Sir! Next time can you please wait until I have placed ALL of the money on the counter first before you take it off of there!!!???"

I look up at his face and......WHOA! What in the hell!!!??? I was frozen in my tracks by this guy's face...if I had to sit down with a cop and do a description for the sketch artist I could have nailed it. His image is burned into my soul now for all eternity. Pretty sure HE also appeared in one of my dreams last night.

Then I got back to his question: "Oh...um...yeahhhh....wait...for you to....put all the money....on the counter....there.....umm....yeah.....okay...sure thing carnie. I mean, sir. Wow!"

Then I walked out of the I.P. eyeing all of the extremely interesting people who had decided to go out on the night after Christmas. And ohhhh there were some real interesting characters. I guess a large percentage of these people are the ones without loved ones...without family to spend time with. It made sense. And it was depressing. I don't count myself among them...my situation was unique. As I had JUST returned home from my family get togethers. Yeah...I was just out meeting up with a good buddy. It was simply the timing that dropped me into that human circus.

So...uh...back on the subject of what I led off with. Depression vs. just simply being annoyed with 75% of the people you encounter. I find myself more and more just never wanting to leave my house. Most of the people I come across I just can't stand. I can't think this is normal. I don't think it can possibly be healthy, from a mental health point of view. Am I abnormal? Do other people, especially those who have chosen poker as their occupation find themselves falling into this, uh....mindset?

I mean...I don't WANT to feel like this. And in reality, it really seems to happen a lot more when I sit at a cash table then when I sit at a tourney table...although there are those times too, when I sit at a tourney table and simply want all of them to plunge over a cliff in a schoolbus that has caught fire on the way down, also. What causes this?

You might come up with some casual response like "You just think you are better than them...so everything they do bothers you." No...that's just too convenient. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with how they play poker. It could just be the stupid shit they are talking about. How they are dressed. Their voice. Their hair. There idiotic habits. Or it might have to do with how they play poker. Its a very large collection of things...that has pushed me to the precipice of wanting to destroy 2011...in a way that I will be able to have everything in life that I need and/or want for my wife and I...and then only leave my domain for poker reasons when it absolutely requires my presence.

I swear, if I have to sit through another 400-450 tourneys this year feeling the stuff I am feeling about my fellow human beings, I am going to end up in some looney bin mumbling about things that make no sense.

When was the last time you booked a winning cash session and on the drive home kept thinking about what would happen if you drove your car into a tree really fast...just to see if the air bag would save you?

Hmmmmm......Depression vs. Simple Annoyance. Tiz a slippery slope for debate, is it not?

Monkey