Okay 2011...LETS DO THIS!!!!!

Alright Alright!!! Who's as ready as I am to get this year started!?? Let's goooooo 2011!!! I would prefer for my January 16th to NOT go like last year's did...getting our house robbed! That would be fantastic. But as I reflect back on that...I like how karma sorta made everything right. I enjoyed some fall success that set me and Squirrel up nicely for this whole year...and my little friends that robbed us are sitting in jail, deprived of the freedoms that most of us enjoy on a daily basis.



Like...mmm...lets just say I want to wake up, lie in bed all morning...walk outside, play with my dogs...make myself a meal of whatever I want! Then maybe turn on my 55' Samsung, and fire up some Xbox360...maybe even do a little fitness workout on the new Kinect. Perhaps I will drive up the road...let the sun shine on my face...listen to the new music I just downloaded to my iTouch and my iPad this week. Hey, might as well go see a movie today! Gosh, I'm in the mood for something new to wear...something NOT bright orange, or red! I think I will go shopping! See....despite that little set back, I have recovered quite nicely, thanks...and gosh...I can't even imagine what it would be like to have spent the last 300 days or so in jail...with at least 1000 more to look forward to. Must suck!!!!



I am really ready for this event to start. Although, my NFL Playoff Pool is starting Saturday, and last year we had a record 145 entries...and its one of the only pools I have where I have to manually enter everyone's picks into a spreadsheet. And I am WAYYYYY behind! Anyone want to make a $100!??? And knows how to use EXCEL? That and I have to pick up Don Norman from the airport...and was going to try and make it to the gym for a nice workout...all while getting you guys the first blog of the year...and a little preamble heading into this event at the Beau Rivage. Its looking like there arent going to be enough minutes on my clock today!!!!


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Squirrel got off work early last night...and we decided to go have a quick dinner at Chili's and then see a movie. Our meal was okay. But we had one of those waitresses who was so nauseatingly nice that you just wanted to punch her in the face. Fortunately Squirrel said it first, so I didn't have to be the fall guy. And you know those waitrons who feel it necessary to 'announce' every little move they are about to make?


"Hi! Would you like me to get you some more water!???"


[no! I wouldnt LIKE you to. And I wouldnt LIKE you to keep asking. Its WATER. Its FREE. Its what I asked for when I sat down...so if you see that its EMPTY...just go get your damn pitcher...come back..and FILL IT! No conversation needed!]


"Oh I'm sorry you don't have any silverware...just let me go and get you some right now, okay?"


[no its NOT okay. I would prefer to sit here and enjoy my meal like a caveman. Why are you wasting the breath to tell us this? Just go get it! In the time it took you to tell us this, we could be enjoying our first bite!]


If you ask us if we would like more chips....and we say yes....and you notice that we are also out of salsa...why would you just bring us more chips, yet overlook the salsa?


Anyway...dinner was a bit annoying.


The movie on the other hand...fantastic. She originally wanted to see 'True Grit' which is also supposed to be outstanding. But when we arrived and saw that 'The Fighter' was playing there...I lobbied for, and won..the right to see that instead.


She was not disappointed, nor was I? I saw a feature on Mark Wahlberg on 60 Minutes awhile back...about his career, his life and this film he'd been working on. I really like this guy, and respect him. Plus this movie looked and sounded good. It was amazing. The acting was phenomenal, him and Amy Adams had a terrific chemistry. The brother was played by Christian Bale...which we didn't even realize until the closing credits! Holy shit! He had to have lost about 150 lbs to play this role. You would never have known it was him. He was absolutely great. And the family...the Mom and the what? 6 or 7 white trash sisters? They were hilarious. It was set in Lowell, Massachusetts in the early 90's and it was perfect. Just a great movie.



Then I get home from the movie and read on ESPN about this homeless guy with the amazing voice, and how he's been given a 2nd chance by the Cleveland Cavaliers...some timing there. I really like 'feel good' stories. It really restores my faith in mankind...when just about every day I am driven closer and closer to the point of giving up on humanity.


Hell, that happens about every time I step foot in Wal Mart. Which I have done a couple times this week. As I walk around that store and observe people I am just fascinated by the people who live among me. How do these people exist? And I'm being sincere when I say that I am NOT trying to be ugly...or act like I am better than these people, but COME ON! Who ISNT better than these cretans? [Did I spell that word right, Kai Landry?]


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One of the things I don't like about this blog editor that we use...is the message posting option. I like the one on the CardPlayer blogs...where you can comment right on the form, and other people can just keep adding on. Similar to the ESPN message boards I have become fond of contributing to. I think we would get a lot more comments if we had that. In lieu of that...and I mean this, because I really like getting comments, and am pretty good about responding them...I have it set up now so that whenever I make a post, it immediately posts to my Facebook wall.

So if you are ON my Facebook, you can go on there and leave your comment, and I will almost always respond. Try to keep it somewhat clean, as my wifes Mom and family read my Facebook regularly. And...if you are NOT on my Facebook yet...what are you waiting for?


Today in fact...I finally got around to addressing the numerous friend requests that have been piling up on there the last couple of months. I don't ignore people's request...or...what is it? reject? I just keep putting it off...then finally I write a fairly standard message and then clip/copy/paste it to all of them.

Basically, I will approve ANYONE who reads my blog...and almost ANYONE who has played at my table at some point in my poker life. And of course all family members and friends. All I ask...is that when they send me the request...they simply click that button that says "ADD A MESSAGE" and give me a short little message telling me how we know each other. Not too hard. But its amazing how 95% of the people never do that. I always do it when I request someone to 'friend' me.

I notice that my hits were down quite a bit last month. Oh no...I'm becoming irrelevant already! Damn...better get my butt outa bed and go win a poker tournament, huh!!!???



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I'm real excited about my deal with BUSTOUTPOKER.com apparel and have already had a few people tell me they made purchases and got them delivered within 36 hours. Awesome! I hope you guys like the stuff! I love it...I find the material to be amazing. For those of you who are used to paying $20 for a T-shirt and can't fathom paying 'designer T' prices for something like this...hey, its probably not for you...and that's cool.

We all have our little 'things' that we are willing to pony up good money for. Clothes and good food happen to be two of mine!!!! If you decide to go check the stuff out...and OH! By the way...these guys ARE a brand new company...and YES...they will be absolutely expanding their product line as the year progresses...don't forget to enter the word MONKEY in the coupon code box at checkout...they have it set up now so you will get 15% off of your total purchase!



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Wanna hear a little chit chat about online poker hell? The good news is that I was getting a ton of feedback from a lot of really good players, telling me that as bad as I claimed to be running online, they were running worse! Really? Is that seriously even possible!?? I guess it is...because where I am buying in for stuff between $6 and $50...and getting clobbered to the tune of about $2400 over a two month period...there are guys buying in for $50 to $500 and losing $10,000. So yeah... I guess its the difference between having a hundred little Toy Soldiers firing guns at you for a whole day or having China just drop a 50kt Nuke on your face!



Here are some fun little screen shots...yeah, I learned how to use the 'snipping tool' on my computer...this could be the death of me!!!!






This one we titled, 'Whatever you need!' Blind vs. Blind its a limped pot. We shall call this a 'pretty good flop' for Monkey, yes? He has top pair with a shit kicker. Doesnt matter. Nope, not online. I only have bottom pair, with a flush draw. So after the first bet..which I just called...I turn two pair..this time...he bets, I raise very big..and he STUFFS all in! Okay. I call. Oh...King on the river huh? For trips? Really? Cool. Isnt that nice?

This next one, I titled "First Hand" because, well...it was the FIRST HAND of the tourney. Our buddy with KQd down there raised UTG....the dude on the button called with 55. I re-raise with QQ...from 80 to 200. Dingleberry there with KQ shoves all in. 55 boy calls. Well...I'll take my chances...it's only a $12 SNG. Nice flop. GG!

This one we quite appropriately titled 'Whatever You Need.' Getting rather low on chips late in a SNG...the first clown raises...this guy with AK re-raises. I ship it with my 66. Doucheball with A5 snap calls. Im looking pretty good on the flop, right? But why wouldn't 'Stars run this guy out a straight? Why wouldnt they? FML.

I really enjoyed this hand. And by enjoyed, I mean a couple of glasses almost got broken, because I really hated this guy. Titled "JJJ no good" you can see why. But this was one of those assholes who needs to make raise amounts like 119, 238, 783....why? Why do these peckerfields do this? It drives me insane. So when he made some dumbass raise like 374...I countered with a re-raise...something like 882. He smooth calls. Uh huh. With KQ off. For about 70% of his stack. And on the flop...I check, of course...he shoves...and you see the turn. Raraaaarrhhhhhh!!!!!!! When doves cry? How bout when Mouses fly!!!!???

This was a Euro. Guy liked to play...we'll just say...EVERY FUCKING HAND! Every time I raised him...he would re-raise. He was aggressive like the sun is about showing up every day. He min raises me here preflop with that monster 34s. I re-raise him this time...3.5x his raise. He smooth calls. No problem right? Flop hits....his cursor blinks...blinks...blinks...then he shoves. Yeah...whatever. I call. Ohhhh flush on the river! (@*#&@!*!

This one I gave the title "Any 'ol Ace will do!" because this clown would NEVER fold if he was holdng an ace. Any ace. And that included POST flop. But...on this particular occasion...he has raised my big blind preflop...and I re-raised...a little more than usual becuase I had been running like total feces that night with QQ. Oh...but don't let that overbet kill my action...because he jams it all in. I call. Oh..hmmm Ace 8. Nice. Hey...he's SUITTTTTTED! Well, he does catch a damn good flop....but just when it looks like I will survive his stupidity...BOOM, Pokerstars does what they do SO WELL...they reward the bozo with another famous riverstar special.

Yeah, it has NOT been a good...well, WINTER...playing online. I just...for the life of me, have NO FREAKING clue anyone, I don't care how GOOD of a player they are...sits down, logs onto an online poker site...and has any consistent amount of success. It makes no sense. There has got to be 'secrets' that certain people are keeping to themselves. Hey more power to them I guess. But if they are cheating...and in turn, cheating ME? I hope they all are cursed with a lifetime of bad karma...and go to hell.

But will I continue playing online? Of course I will. Why? Because I am an idiot. My wife tells me this all the time!

"If its so bad on there, and you and I both KNOW it is...why do you even BOTHER playing online, Will!???"

Um....yeah, thanks honey. There is no REAL good answer.

(a) The value sweetie. For $10 I have a chance to win $7k-$15k.

(b) I can multi-table...see lots of hands...no dealer

errors...increasing my chances to pick up good hands and maximize value.

(c) I can play while laying in bed, naked...watching TV...with my dogs.

(d) Eventually, the online Wizards of Oz are going to select me for 'Lucky Online Player' of the day...and reward me with a big VICTORY!!!!

Right? We've all uttered these pathetic excuses, right? And we keep going back. Kind of like those players who spend so much time bitching about the ridiculous juice that the casinos are charging us on tourney entries these days....but then you just keep on seeing them in line signing up for yet another tourney. Mmmmhmmmmm.

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Auburn or Oregon? Who knows? It should be a final score of about 48 to 45 right? Probably end up being 13-10! Nothing makes sense this football season! Like my Seattle Seahawks making the playoffs with a record of 7-9. Gross. And no...I do NOT think we have a shot in hell of making the 'deep run' this year. I'm quite certain that the Saints, officially my SECOND favorite team...just slightly ahead of the PATRIOTS...my 3rd favorite team...and the PACKERS...my 4th favorite team...yes, even more so than the FALCONS....who only come in at #5, despite having lived there for 10 years.

Oh...back to that thought. I'm sure NOLA will beat our ass this weekend, even despite losing both running backs. In fact, I think that might actually HELP the Saints...as Seattle's pass defense has been pretty brutal this season. It could end up being a Drew Brees Aerial display Saturday. Whatever. Hey...I will be wearing my new "Monkey" Seahawk jersey...and anyone coming up and making some stupid 'Who Dat' moron remark to me...save it. It won't bother me. It will just make you look stupid. Feel me?

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What else? Getting pretty close to having to get ready, go to the airport...and head to the Beau for tonight's opening tourney.

I guess I'm done. See ya guys!!!

MONKEY