NOW ON SALE: A slice of the Monkey

Yes! The 'sandwich board Monkey' is back with another exciting announcement!

 Yesterday on Facebook I posed the question to my legion of poker playing friends and acquaintances. If I were to sell a piece of myself in the Freeroll coming up this Friday...what would I charge per share? I got over 40 replies. And none of them that I would label 'bad.' I even had some respond who were also IN the $1m National Freeroll.

It's a very compelling question. How much is too much? How much is not enough? I mean, there are 100 players total. 9 will get paid. 1st will receive close to $280,000 and 9th goes home with $35,000'ish. If you simply go by the assumption that each spot is valued at $10,000...which in theory it is...you could simply assume that 1% is worth $100. But that would make no sense to me. Why? Well...if I sold 100 shares...for the Main Event...at $100 a share...and then went to play it for over a week, 12 hours at a time...and made the money, or even won....I would get ZERO dollars. So I'm sorry, but that line of thinking makes no sense to me.

I also understand that a lot of people make their decisions in backing poker players by including that dirty little word: VARIANCE...which might as well come with red horns and a pointy tail! Well, in my case...I already HAVE a poker backer...and the only time I would ever consider 'shopping myself' to investors would be in a case where the upside is so tremendous, while presenting an opportunity to head west on Wednesday knowing that I already have my Main Event entry locked up before I arrive in Las Vegas.

My backer and I have a long-standing agreement that we will NOT directly buy into events over $2500 wherever we can possibly help it. That in order to play in Main Events I either have to satellite my way in...or get outside backing. It's been a very successful game plan...as we are now on our third year together as backer/player.  I know there are a lot of those 'haters' out there who consider me a 'small stakes, mid level grinding chump afraid to take the big stabs at the big tourneys' and that is just fine with me. Those are usually the degenerates who don't know the first thing about long term survival in a game that requires incredible financial discipline and an amazing ability to effectively manage a poker bankroll. Those guys...when they make their stupid little comments, just make me snicker and wonder where they are when posting those comments. I like to believe they are making them from a 10 year old desktop computer, inside a 8x6 cubicle with walls lined with cheap carpet, answering 20-25 calls per hour for 8 hours with a 1 hour break for lunch...or smoking.

So...back to the question. How do you place the proper amount of value on your auction? First of all...to qualify for the $1M Freeroll, it took thousands of dollars invested in events which made it possible to even be playing it. Its not like my name was drawn from a hat...and Voila! You have qualified sir! That alone should drive up the cost at least 1.5% per share...in my eyes. 

Well, I have arrived at 'my price' or what I think I am 'willing' to sell a piece of my action for...and those who don't think its worth it, simply ignore it. For those who do...the line forms at the left. Ya ready?

I am going to sell a total....no more, preferably no less...of 40 shares. Each person may buy ONE share...or they may buy up to 5. In the interest of a nice rooting section, I really do not want to sell more than 5 to any one person. Each share will cost $250. Now hold on before you fall out of your chair laughing! 1%=$250? Nope. That is NOT what you are getting. You are getting MUCH better than that. Ready?

For $250 per share....you will get 1% of my action in the $1m National Freeroll....and 1.25% of my action in the WSOP Main Event. So in essence you are getting 2.25% for $250...or close to what some equate to 'dollar for dollar.' The truth of the matter is...there is so much more upside in the Main Event...with 1st place usually being for well over 5 million...that the value on the Main Event alone makes it a pretty killer deal. 

Why is this deal good for me? Well...I wouldn't say it IS 'good' for me at all. After all, I will only be playing for 60% of the prize pool in the Freeroll and 50% of it in the Main Event. But what it does mean...is that I can relax from the time I leave Biloxi on Wednesday until I arrive in Las Vegas...knowing that my ticket is punched already for the Main Event in July. What it also means...is that if I can make the Final Table in the Freeroll, my summer will be drastically effected immediately, and will mean I can start going after million dollar scores in a lot more WSOP events...rather than just play a handful of $1k's and $1500's along with nearly every Venetian event. I really, truly feel that this is the summer where I come home in July and buy my wife a new house, let her quit her job...and start making little monkeys...while cutting back significantly on my playing time throughout the year.

What does this mean for my backer? As in every event where I get outside backing...I always split 50/50 with her whatever my take is. If history is any indication of her reaction...she will try not to claim any of the Freeroll winnings, if I should be so fortunate, as she did when I won the money for the All-Around at Venetian two years ago. But I'm not letting her get away with that this time around. It was her buying me into all the WSOP events that made this possible. So we would be 30/30 on the Freeroll and 25/25 on the Main Event. Which is just fine with me. If I have success in either of those...other opportunities will manage to present themselves. 

Like they say...all good things come to those who wait. I agree. Like the situation that transpired this week with Harrahs/Caeser's. I got a lot of really incredible emails, text messages and Facebook posts from a lot of awesome people...and I want to thank ALL of you...so much. Most of all, I want to thank the people at Harrah's/Caeser's who work in Corporate/Legal...who finally took on my case and started digging, asking the questions of all the right people, that eventually led to me being allowed back in to participate in their events. Words just can't describe how great that phone call felt on Saturday.

IF: You are an interested buyer...please call me if you have my number....email me at ThePokerMonkey1@aol.com or shoot me a message on Facebook. If you are NOT on my Facebook and want to be...search for me by entering William PokerMonkey Souther....and friend request me with a note attached. I need to make this happen FAST! If you have a XXXXXX account...that would be very helpful.  Once I arrive in Vegas...if I have sold the 40 shares...I will make my first stop at the registration desk at Rio...buy in to the Main Event...and post my seat assignment right on this blog with a picture of the receipt!

I am leaving Biloxi on Wednesday around noon. I had talked to a couple of guys about riding with me, and sharing the cost of gas (ugh!) and also providing some good company...but came up snake eyes so far due to job schedules and what not. I still have an open seat for someone I consider to be 'tolerable.' If you know that after more than 5 hours in a car with you that I would pour gasoline on you and light a match...don't even think about contacting me regarding this subject! I hope you KNOW who you are!

If you read my Pre-Game Rant (for good luck) that I sent to Allie Prescott before yesterday's Final Table...then you will know that it almost worked. Allie texted me that he thoroughly enjoyed it. I was checking in on him as we drove home from North Alabama yesterday. Then...as we pulled into the driveway...I see "Prescott eliminated in 4th place."  SHIT! I'm sure he was pretty disappointed, but hell...he had a fantastic week, finishing in a 4-way chop (2nd place money) in the $1k...holding the top 3 spot for most of the 2nd day in the $1500 Main before getting coolered with KK vs. AA and settling for 18th...and then final tabling the Regional Main Event...and qualifying for the Freeroll next week? Really a great week for a guy I really like spending time with. Proud of him. He needed a week like that.

And to whoever that was that posted your 'That was for Allie' comment, which, YES...I did post...let me share something with you...if you are going to DO posts like that...part of the fun of it, is not posting anonymously. You kind of defeat the purpose of the rant. How old are you, 7? You did know that what I said to Allie was something good friends with a 'unique' relationship do to/for one another right? So you can climb down off your little red fire engine and take a deep breath. Allie doesn't need you coming to the rescue on this one. At any rate...if that was the best you could do on your 'rant' I just have to tell you...you need a little work. That rant was pure and simply....just shitty. Try again. And try signing your name to this one...so that it officially counts!

Moving on. All that sod I laid last week? Yeah...well, what happens when we go out of town and leaves the dog home alone? (well actually...Miss Melissa Parker actually stays at our house with them) Of course. Mollie digs holes. She got after four different pieces of sod. Grrrrr. Funny, I don't even get mad at her anymore. Its just part of the deal. We leave. She pays us back. Thanks Mollie. 

Oh hell. Just remembered I took a picture of this asshole while driving home. Oh wait...I guess I CAN import it from my iPhone...hold on. Cuz this is too good to miss.

Catch me if you can!!!

See this car? How can you miss it? Bright yellow! Its a Honda. And if you look closely, you will see that it is covered with racing decals. You heard me...racing decals. Not only on the rear...but also on the ROOF...the HOOD and both DOORS. Tinted windows. Across the front it says www.indycar.com. Why? I don't know...just check out the website. Now, in case you didn't already hate the person driving the car...imagine that he is that guy who is driving right on your bumper...trying to coax you into getting out of his way. This after flying up out of nowhere. You know when you have someone on your ass...and then you try to get over...but he has already run out of patience and is attempting now to pass you on the right? Which leads to a near collision? Yeah...well, I didn't have that happen with this prick...but I watched him do it to not one, not two...but THREE other drivers. I had to see what this guy looked like.

I was already forming a vision in my mind of what this driver could possibly look like...and I'm not going to lie...it kind of was taking shape in my world of CGI as someone having a very small body, dark shaded glasses, and very orange skin. So I punched it on my V8 4Runner...and once beside him...caught a glimpse of the man with the small penis. (obviously) Yup...he pretty much looked as I'd imagined he would look. That was it, I was done. But before I could snap off his picture for you all to enjoy...he zoomed off into the distance, to cut off some more unsuspecting old people out for a Sunday drive. This was KING ASSHOLE #1 on our drive home yesterday. I wonder if he is from Houston?

More Sobering News Delivered from God:

While we are all extremely grateful to the Lord for not throwing planetary ruin our way on Saturday...you kind of have to ask yourself, especially if you are living in Missouri, if it didn't just come a day late?

While Squirrel and I were driving home yesterday, and passing through towns like Cullman and Birmingham...the evidence of the tornadoes last month was everywhere...wide swaths of destruction...where a tornado had passed right over the freeway, wiping out trees and even snapping those gigantic metal light poles in half, like they were toothpicks. You see stuff like that and it just makes you feel so small in the grand scheme of things. 

So this morning...I wake up, log onto Yahoo, and POW! Again! This time...Joplin, Missouri. A tornado not even as strong as the one that wiped out a good portion of downtown Tuscaloosa, but causing nearly the same identical amount of death and destruction. It just makes my heart hurt. Then you start reading the stories...children being buried out from under the rubble...dead. Whole families being killed. I just do NOT understand what God is doing to us this year. Or why. The earthquakes...in Haiti last year...then New Zealand this year...then Japan...which resulted in a disastrous tsunami. The fires in Texas. The floods in the Midwest and south. And all these tornadoes.

 Have we brought all of this onto ourselves somehow? Will it stop any time soon? What's next? They say tornado season is 'just getting started.' My goodness...please...everyone who lives in the path of these beasts...have somewhere planned out to go, please! These powerful storms are about the worst thing nature can throw at us.

While sitting around the recently constructed pool with my brother-in-law up in Athens, Alabama yesterday...we discussed how a monster twister passed just a mile and a half south of his house on April 27th. I asked him...knowing they don't have a basement...what their plan was in the event of a tornado. He just had a look of utter fear and helplessness on his face. 

"Well, I know a neighbor down the street has a basement...and I probably need to go and talk to him about a possible place to go if it ever comes up. Or I might just need to go ahead and have a tornado shelter build in the backyard."

Yeah, Scott...I would vote for option #2! Watching those three beautiful kids of his and Bridgett's playing in the pool...I just know what losing them would do to my wife. She worships not only her brother...but those kids. I know we would feel a lot better knowing they were hiding under ground in a shelter if a tornado warning were to go off in their area.

If you will all notice, I have a direct link to American Red Cross on my page here...right up there in the top right hand side. I will once again be making my own donation today...and would like to encourage you wonderful readers of mine to do the same. Even if its just $5. I know times are tough. But if you think your having a tough go of it...look at these pictures. It breaks my heart. Once again...we have hundreds of families who have just lost EVERYTHING...a lot of them their loved ones. Again...it makes me ashamed almost that my whole livelihood revolves around poker. Maybe this summer, I will win millions of dollars...and can go out in the community, and do something that really makes a difference to someone.

I know that bearing down on us now is hurricane season...and once again, those boys at the National Hurricane Center are predicting an 'above average season for activity' like they have the last four years. I will take the generator down to Shell and fill that sucker up, put air in the flat tires...and fire it up to make sure its still running good. I will lay out all the necessary extension cords that Squirrel will need if we get hit while I am out of town and she needs to use it to power all our appliances. You have to do whatever you can do to prepare for disaster. But most of all...I think you need to keep a healthy relationship with God, and pray to him...to protect you, and your loved ones...and all of those folks you live with and call friends.

For those of you living in Missouri...I pray for you today.

MONKEY