30 minutes before M.M.M.M. II

 Yeah. Here we are 30 minutes before the second run of Monkey's Monday Midnight Madness. I just spent the last 5 hours downstairs frolicking in the 1/2 game...after spending 5 hours today at the pool...where we were invaded today, by SCOTLAND!

Yeah...the world's largest collection of Ginger Folk were gathered around the pool. I got there at 11:15am...which usually is 'early' especially on a Monday. But apparently, the football club, Celtic something or other...has a 1-week convention scheduled here...so I will be inundated with the presence of short, fat, pale, hollering, song-bellowing fools from Scotland for the rest of the week.

There were no chairs to be had. They were even short on towels. The kid from Flamingo Kid with the mullet tried to talk me down to taking just one towel. Sorry kid...Monkey is a 54-day guest at this shack...give me two towels you punk! I got my two towels...and my piece of terra firma 40 yards from the pool.

See this clown? He just plops down on this girl's chair. See her texting someone? Or maybe just pretending to? She never broke stride.

"Hi there girls (there were two of them)...I wonder if I could borrow a match (wonder when they could expect to get that match back?) from you? So...how's it going today? Gettin some color?"

And it just got worse from there. I was loving it...and immediately thought only of you people. So I whipped out my camera and took his picture. See him looking my way? Guess why? 

"Hey buddy...are you taking my picture?"

Monkey: "first of all, my name isn't buddy...and secondly, yes...I am taking your picture. Any more questions?"

He said goodbye to the girls and slithered away. The girls started laughing. Nice outfit buddy. Was that 'Ducky' from 'Sixteen Candles?' Nice pickup act. Holy shit...where am I?

Meanwhile...during my little 5-hour cash session...I got to encounter these two peckerheads who were a combination of Justin Beiber (hair) and Tom Dwan. Yes...we have yet another Durrrrrrrrrrrrrr-wanabes on our table. I have pictures...but they are on my iPad..and I don't have the time. But after about the 19th episode of Durrr-irrtation....I finally snapped on this dipshit.

"Hey kid. Memo to you. Stop watching so much TV. Your hand? Doesn't matter what you bet there, how quick you bet, how slow you bet...nothing...nothing mattered. All your hiding under your stupid hoodie? Pointless. The slow moving fingers? Nothing. All you're little act is doing...is making you look like a goddamn fool...and annoying the whole table. Just play the game."

He was stunned. My end of the table clapped. The dealer grinned. I played two more hands...and racked up my profit. +342. 

Okay. I have a real spooky feeling tonight's crowd is going to be scant. My two buddies...Josh Palmer, and Christian Iacobellis, who both made the final table at Venetian...one finishing 9th (Josh) and one getting in on a 5-way chop (Christian...aka 'Da Professional' on Full Tilt...remember that site?) are vowing to 'try' and make it over here.

Prescott is deep in 8-game, J Young is deep in the 10k Stud...Kai is somewhere in Texas driving back here...my little porn star has called and revealed that she has to do some event tonight...and may or may not make it a bit late. Others I expected to hear from I haven't. I just don't want to be embarrassed. Is there anything worse? I'm not going to lie...I'm a bit nervous. Well...oh well...here we go!

MONKEY