And so starts the Main Event

Reporting in from Table 33, where we have what looks like one circuit regular (me) two circuit occassionals, and 7 people I've never seen before in my life, and who probably got their entry into this event by virtue of being seated at a 3/6 limit game downstairs in September and having the floor guy draw them an Ace for his seat. Yeah, I didn't just make that up for your entertainment. That, and that reason alone is likely the only reason I am not more irritated with the fact they are charging (raping/gouging) us $3 for juice and soda. I assume that since they have given away close to 400 seats in this event that they are using any means necessary to recoup their losses.

So what we have here, today...is a contest we all either dream about, or which haunts us later in our nightmares. Currently, option B is leading option A. On only the fifth hand, I picked up the hand that has single-handedly scarred my trip; QQ. Now, in the first four hands we have already seen 'that lady' raise from 25/50 to 600 utg, only to express dismay when nobody called her raise. So, guy raises to 150. Idiot newbie (who has already called a raise of 400 with J8) re-raises to 400. I have the lovely whores. And yeah, based on how they have been treating me this week, yeah...I should have just folded them. But I don't. I smooth call. Flop comes out 6-7-8. He bets 500. I raise to 1200. He snap calls. Turn is a 9. He checks. I bet 2000. Snap call. River. A queen. Good news? Hardly. He checks. I bet 3k. He calls. Pocket 10's. Nice. So we are now playing from behind already in Level 2.

So, guess I need to back it up a little, since it's been days since I've reported in here. It's just kind of how these events go. Play all day and all night, return to hotel clamoring for sleep, attempt to blog, fall asleep with laptop on stomach, wake up when battery begins to burn my body...put it on desk, fall back to sleep. Wake up at 11:15. Rush to tourney.

Yesterday was the Limit Omaha tourney. Now, as on-the-ball as these tourney guys have been up here, why they would run a tourney on the day before the Main Event starts, a tourney we all know takes longer than any other tourney in the history of mankind is beyond comprehension. What it did was guarantee that if you survived Day 1, your chances to sit and collect donations from the charity fish on Day 1a would be stripped from you, forcing you to play with all the 'mulligan' crew and last minute satellite qualifiers on day 1b.

Well, fortunately, maybe unfortunately...I didn't have to worry about that scenario. Despite running over my first table like a bunch of paralyzed cats on a county road, my subsequent table change would take me to a place I will choose to see a hypnotist about when I return home, to have eviscerated from my memory. I went from 28k in chips to zero chips in just three levels. If I flopped a straight or a flush, I would lose on the river to a boat about four times. Flopping top set never held up. Emergency lows became 2nd best over and over. It was....what we players refer to as, a TOTAL SHITSTORM!

About this time, two interesting things were occurring. Kai was making it into the money in the $1k. Now, in a strange and bizarre twist of irony, he would luck out a few spots from the money when HIS queens went up against KK, and he spiked the two outer to survive. On the other end of the world, and no...I'm not referring to the death of Moammar Khadafy, I was once again being pestered by everyone's favorite petri dish...good 'ol Chad Burns. Why this loser decides to crawl up out of his sewer once every month or so to throw his venomous, yet repetitive and oh so boring verbiage my way is puzzling. I mean, is he really delusional enough to actually believe that ANYONE out there DOESNT ache to see his head on a stick?

His latest threat is that he's promising to come to Biloxi, tie me up, then sodomize my wife. These are comments that on just about every continent will get you killed. My wife has asked me to ignore this social misfit, and I've tried, but he just keeps coming back. I've blocked him from posting to my Facebook wall...which just leads to him viewing it through other people's accounts. After last night's exchange I asked him for his address, as he repeatedly challenges me to come to Houston to see him...however whenever the subject turns to me wanting his location he suddenly changes the subject. My question, City of Houston, is how do you folks allow this little hamster boy to keep breathing? He literally said "know why no one has killed me? Because they are all a bunch of pussies, and know I will beat their ass! Everyone always says they're going to, but no one will step up to the plate!"

Are you kidding me Houston? For gawds sake....BATTER UP!!! His reply to my request for his address was that I should drive there, Facebook message him, and that he will "come and meet me." Yeah, okay...sure. I am hereby announcing that anyone providing me a photo of Chad sporting a bloody nose or severely black eye will receive a $500 gift from the Souther family. Since he is clearly too chicken-shit to appear anywhere he knows I might be, and won't give me his location, I will simply sub-contract it out to one of you. This guy really, REALLY needs his ass beat.

I think my favorite exchange was his labeling me an 'idiot' for the way my QQ got busted at the final table the other night against the eventual winner, who decided that after he raised the button's raise from 50k (at 10k/20k) to 120k....and having 600k behind that raise, decided that snap-calling my 470k all in was an easy decision. Forget that I had yet to play ONE hand yet at the Final Table after four orbits. Aparantly calling off 75% of his stack with 55 wasn't a big deal. I felt pretty good when the flop brought a Queen. Wasn't so wonderful that is also brought a five and gave the guy life. With a lot more people than I would have ever imagined watching on the WSOP's live streaming feed, the dealer...Shawn Lytle, gives the guy a 5 on the river. Every emotion that I had that day, thinking my bad luck run of 2011 was about to finally end in Chicago...the way everything was going so smoothly, just ended right there...with what felt like one swift kick in the stomach.

Making it worse, this bozo had been making one stupid play after another all day, getting lucky over and over...and would then stand up, pace around fist pumping, hooting and hollering and just annoying all the other players. So wouldn't it have been fair of the poker gods NOT to reward this ass clown? Again...yes, it would, but this is, I must remind you....2011. A year that I somehow think will go down as one of the worst. So after dancing on my grave, this jackass comes over wanting to shake my hand.

"um yeah....no, I don't think so pal, I'm good" and then I got my stupid $4k payout, my entry for the Main, which went to the top 9 finishers...and took my sister to dinner at Binions for her birthday. She had come down to watch my Final Table, only to see the horrible one-outer on the river that knocked me out short of a year-changing finish.

So...Chad chimes in with "heard how you went out of the tourney the other night you stupid IDIOT!!! LMFAO!!!" Yep, I'm an idiot.

Speaking of Binions...that was a frustrating dining experience. When we walked in we were given no indication that they were close to closing the kitchen, or that we would have to rush our order. But after five minutes of chatting with my sister, our waitress...who had a bad habit of awkwardly serving up anxiety-fueled stories that neither of us cared to partake in, sheepishly informs us we had to order because the kitchen was closing in ten minutes. Oh, really? Wonderful. About this time, a busboy does a drive by dragging two large hefty bags filled with garbage. Classy. We order three appetizers, and they were all fantastic. She orders shrimp, and I ordered a Cowboy Ribeye, medium rare, and a glass of Pinot noir. They arrive, minus the wine. She finally re-appears, assuming she was busy doing side work in back. I inform her that my steak is nowhere close to medium rare, being closer to medium well.

Then she starts insulting the kitchen, for always making mistakes near the end of the night...before unleashing another of her uninteresting stories. She tells me she is going to take it off my bill. "Great, does this mean I'm not getting one to replace it? Cooked properly?" Nope, kitchen is closed. Awesome. Kind of killed my dinner experience a bit.

Previously on this trip...I cashed in the $560 tourney and didn't mention it I don't think. It was a huge field, 768 I think, with 81 getting paid. We got down to 45 and I really ran into some bad luck. Had been really card dead for most of day 2 and was getting pretty low on chips, when a guy I had formed a pretty good line on raises at cutoff. I look down at AQs and re-raise, enough so that when the guy in the BB shoved all in...and the initial raiser folded, I couldn't fold without illiciting laughter from everyone, knowing I was probably behind. Oh I was alright, ran into AA. And the ace flopped. That hand crippled me and I busted a few hands later with 88 vs KQ.

My luck turned a bit in SNG's as I picked up 3 wins out of 4. That was good for the bankroll AND the confidence. But yesterday, after busting the Omaha, my trip through SNG-Land would have an unhappy ending. Figured with the Main Event about to start, it would be real nice to try and bulk up the bankroll heading into the next event at the I.P. Oh, sidebar...the event at the I.P.??? Guess what day they have their Main Event!!!??? Nov 5th. Yeah, the same day as Bama vs LSU. I want to puke!!!

Anyway, I buy into a $350 SnG with a 9-way $100 last longer. First hand, AK. Raise. Get four calls. Flop comes AJ2. Checks to me, I bet a decent amount. kJ calls me. The turn was a J, as was the river. Nice. Started in a hole. By Level 6 we were down to 5 and I had chipped back up. Kenny, Asian kid who won the Main....in, mmmm, Commerce? Not sure where, he raises to 500. I ship all in for 1400 with AK. He calls with A5. Turns a five. Busto.

Then make a huge mistake. Kai had just busted 12th in the $1k and came sauntering down to SNG-Land, and a $120 was needing players. The worst SNG they offer. We sat down, and it was like a who's-who from the pages of Wal-Mart freaks. The midget in the one-seat...sporting little man's syndrome and easily qualifying as a potential caddie for Chad Burns on one of his golf outings was talking smack for no apparent reason. He finally STFU when I told him the biggest muscle in his body was his tongue. Then I get tongue-lashed by this chick sitting next to me who was offended by my attempts to enjoy the deliciousness of my Butterfinger, calling me 'gross' when she saw me lick my fingers.

"You're gonna lick your fingers then touch the chips!!!!"

Yeah, to be honest with ya, I'm a little more concerned with CONTRACTING something than I am worried about spreading something, and when being scolded by a woman who looked like she would be more comfortable loading 2x4's at the lumber yard than drinking tea with her friends at Sunday brunch, her act came off as a bit ridiculous.

I would lose when...after limping in for 100, I decide to call a maniac's raise, who had already three-bet with K7 and J4; with Q9d. The flop came Q-2-8 and I check-raised him all in. Care to guess his hand? Deuce eight. Yeah. And it held. Of course it did. Now if that hand happened online you would say it was rigged right? Raise 5x with 2-8 and flop two pair? What a joke.

I would go play another $350, run badly in that one...lose. It was time to leave. Kai and I, along with Tim Burt, Jason Fitzpatrick, and one other guy went to eat. Then they wanted to go to some bar called 'The Refinery' to meet up with a bunch of the dealers. I won't lie, bed was sounding awesome to me...and thankfully the place sucked, and was full of smoke. We left after about ten minutes. Bed never felt so lovely.

We just went on break. I am now sitting on only 8k after raising with JJ utg, getting four callers, leading out on an 8-7-4 flop...getting called, betting 2200 on the turn when a 10 hit and having to fold when the dude raised to 5k. So far I've got nothing going my way. At all.

Things better get better here soon or I will be forced to fire another bullet tomorrow. With a shot at about $400k for first, there is NO WAY I am going to play today, maybe lose, and not try again tomorrow. But I would prefer to start catching a few breaks at this donkey-laden table I'm at right now.

I will go ahead and publish this now and try to get dialed in and make a comeback in this thing. I know it's going to be seen in that shitty light blue and I'm sorry, I can't change the color of the font on my iPad but promise to later at the hotel. Hopefully much later!

Monkey