Wow! Droppin like flies! From 162 to 126 in one level! 36 from money. I'm up to 125k from 51k.

Main Event....Day 1 Survival.

Before I go any further....this just has to be watched.

Ladies and gentleman...how proud are YOU to be an American?
This was taken from the news in Huntsville, Alabama...and oh yeah, I should let you know, it is the NUMBER ONE Halloween costume right now.....called: BEDROOM INTRUDER......CLICK HERE!

And then fish around on YouTube a little more and you will find the song that someone made off of it. Dig a little deeper and you will find the interview, a follow up, with 'ol Antoine...and see just how idiotic a human being can actually sink to. I am amazed that I live among these people.

Moving on. If you are at all interested/curious to follow along with the LIVE REPORTING of the WSOP Main Event in CHICAGO...click this big ass sentence. I have aparantly finally arrived in the poker mainstream...since they have got my name on the chipcounts...as they have only listed about 30 players among the remaining 162 going back for Day 2 today. (paying 90) Granted they have me only having 29,000. I surely thought they would have updated with all the chipcounts as well as seat assignments...but they havent.

Day 1 was pretty exciting. I walked in about 11:15am...and there was the 'line from hell' about 125 deep. Luckily I was already registered, and had a great seat draw....table 46, seat 6. Right in the middle of the massive 'Venue.' I went and met Frank and Piper Kasella for breakfast and was introduced to Frank's cousin, who I think was named Brian. Turns out his seat was right next to mine.

I get to my table...and there is only 4 of us. We take turns stealing the dead stacks' money. After about 30 minutes we had a full table. And I noticed immediately that my table sucked. Then I noticed Frank's cousin was completely clueless...so much so that it was painful to watch. He checked OUT of the big blind on three seperate occasions when people limped into his blind. Had to constantly be reminded that it was his turn...not knowing the one chip rule on raises...one thing after another. Misplaying one hand after another. It sucked too, cuz he was a really nice guy...and a fireman up here in Chicago, which I really respect a lot. I wanted to help him, and coach him up a little...and I did try to when he got down below 10 BB's and was no longer a threat to kill my stack...but he still persisted in sticking to his habits...once limping on the button for 500 with only 4000 in his stack, with 55. He happened to catch a flop of A-5-4...so it worked out pretty well for him.....but, well, I think you all know what kind of a shitshow I am painting for you. He got knocked out around Level 8.

I got a lot of good hands early. Did a lot of raising, and a lot of bluffing. I got from 20k up to 40k pretty quickly. Then...with a very aggressive guy at my table raising my BB, which he seemed to do about 75% of the time...and another aggressive player calling him...I decided to flat with KK. The flop came 10-8-6. I decide to try and check raise. Only they both check behind. A five hits the turn. I bet out. First guy folds. Second guy calls. Hmmm. River was a 3. I bet again. A decent amount. He just calls again...and turns over 55. For a set. Shit!

Then I limp with QJ. A shorter stack raises a little bit. I call. Flop comes 10-9-6. Nice. And since he only had 5100 remaining...check raising wasn't really an option, since he would likely bet so much he would pot commit himself, or he would just shove...so I did the betting for him...putting him all in. He calls of course and shows A10. Great. But I was liking my 14 outs...all of which I missed, and there went another 6k.

Then I had two great suckouts. Guy to my right...a nice guy from Belarus named Max...raised at cutoff, and I re-raised him on the button with AJ. He just called. The flop came K-Q-5. He checked. I checked. Turn was a 3. He bet....but not much. I called. I river a 10, for the nuts. He bets 3000. I raise to 6500. He calls, and turns over a set of K's. Wow. Nice pot. Now I was back up over 40k and chipleader at my table.

Enter....'The Donkey'

The guy in the 4 seat...who had been playing pretty tight all day. He suddenly decided to rear his donkey head around Level 8. Sitting on 8200 chips with the blinds at 200/400 with a 50 ante...he limps in for 400. This guy is a limping FOOL...limping with almost EVERYTHING...including 88, AQ, AK, 1010, JJ, 55.....and on this occasion KQ. Offsuit. Guy to my right, who was probably the 2nd or 3rd best player on the table...also calls. I look down at AA...and decide I am going to raise, but not too much...as I have a big stack, and want to put myself in position to maybe get into someone. So I only raise it to 1500...which is still quite a bit. It folds around to Donkey Boy...who makes the call. Max folds.

The flop comes K-9-2. He checks. I look at his stack and bet 80% of it...which is akin to me putting him all in. He probably fails to put this together in his brain and was only focused on check-raising me all in...because that was what he did. Of course I called...and watched him turn over KQ...just happy that it wasn't K10...but when the dealer laid a Q on the river...I just sank in my chair...and watched 8k go the other way. I could feel about 3 or 4 of the players just watching me...waiting for the meltdown...but I never said anything.

But what happened in the next three hours just made me sick. This guy went on to put on a masterful display of 'How to Get It In Bad Over and Over, Keep Winning, By Virtue of the Ugly Suckout, and Sending One Player after Another to the Bathroom to Throw Up,' sure to be a poker movie one day. He limps with Q9. Guy raises with KK. He calls. Flops trip 9s. Guy raises in Early position with AJ. He calls with A9. Flop comes J99. Think you know how that one ends. And it was just over, and over. He had the whole table just shaking their heads in disgust.

When you sit and watch that...you start to feel hopeless, like its only a matter of time before he does it to you. Well...this guy in the 2 seat lost a huge pot to this clown...and on the very next hand...just shoves 18k when we were at 400/800. I have 45k...and look down at 10-10. Oh no! He then tells us he is on tilt...which translates to either "I'm on tilt and just steam shoved with two face cards" or "I'm pretending to be on tilt and just picked up a huge hand and how great will this look to the rest of the table!???" Well, I decided to make the call...and he turns over....ya ready???

Drum roll please..............................

Oh you know this one...........................

E-L D-I-A-B-L-O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KING TEN!!!! SATAN!!!! THE BLACK CLOUD!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Arrrrgggghhhhh!!!

And just as in the movie "To Kill A MonkeyBird" the dealer puts out a flop of A-Q-J....HOLY SHIT! But as I pick myself up off the floor, I see a K hit the river for a chopped pot!!!! Woooo-hoooooooooooo!!!! Hey, maybe I am not done here!!! Boy did that feel great!

Then about 5 hands later, that table broke, and I was ecstatic! Getting away from DonkZilla was just what the PokerGods had ordered.

But now I get moved to a table that is overflowing with chips. And filled with the largest collection of zero-personality players I think I have sat with in ....well, maybe ever. I mean, these guys were just complete DUDS! And sitting at the top of the food chain was this little 21 year old twerp named Ryan...who's M.O. (thats modus operandi for you stupid people) was to ask each and every player who raised behind him..."How much are you playing behind?"

After awhile I finally started busting his balls...requesting him to put his large colored chips out front for starters.

"Why? Why do I have to do that?"

Yeah, I know because on the internet they don't make you do that. Also on the internet they tell you EXACTLY how many chips everyone has...and I don't think the shock of sitting at the table and NOT having that information immediately available had worn off for 'Scooter' over there. I tried really hard to befriend the little punk...but it just wasn't possible. Don't get me wrong, I didn't berate the little guy or argue with him...I just made his life as difficult as I could. And when he did finally get around to giving me a much needed double up...when his 6c9c failed to connect with one of 12 outs...when I flopped top pair top kicker and he flopped four to the flush with a gutshot after calling my raise holding that gem...I thanked him for his much-needed call and subsequent double up, and was on to the next table after that one broke.

The next table wasn't quite as boring, and actually had the current chipleader at it, sitting to my immediate left. I picked up a couple pots in the last level, but mostly sat there folding for an hour and enjoying a couple of frosty MGD's which I was paying $3 a pop for. This on the heels of the 17 bottles of water I drank all day long...which had me running back and forth to the bathroom all day. But water is good for you right? And I am back on my 'Super Killer Acai Diet Plan' that is cleansing my system and hopefully going to lead to me losing about 25-30 lbs in the next month or two.

We bagged our chips...I found Kai...chatted with some buddies in the poker room, entertained thoughts of playing a SNG...changed my mind on that one...and finally left with Kai back to the hotel. Started to write this last night...but was just too tired, and passed out.

Once again, playing Main Events...is extremely exhausting, both mentally and physically...and I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. By the way, I have to say, the folks here at the Ramada are really treating us great. I love the room, they pretty much give us everything we need, its just a short 4 mile drive to the casino, and the price is right. I couldn't be happier with the accomodations.

Big day today in college football...with undefeated Auburn and LSU taking on each other. The barbs are flying all over my Facebook. As for what Alabama needs/wants to happen today? I am not sure it really matters...I think it would serve them best though if the game was close...a blowout lowers the value on a win against one of the two teams. So you want Monkey's bold prediction? First, I predict Alabama avenges Tennessee's near upset last year by blasting the Vols. Then...I think Auburn will beat LSU by a score of about 24-20. As for my Huskies today? I fully expect them to go down to Tucson and get killed by Arizona. Go ahead Dawgs, surprise me, I dare ya!!!!

My little sister is coming down from Milwaukee today to play some satellites. In fact, she should just about be here I think...might have to go grab some lunch with her. How sweet would it be if she somehow won her way into the 10k event? Wouldn't be too sweet if she does and I dont! My worst nightmare is making the Final Table tomorrow...then only getting 7th-9th...missing out on all the 10k Mega satellites, and having to decide what to do about playing Monday...as a straight buy in would eat up most of what I just won. I guess I will worry about that little problem if it happens, right? Who knows, I could be out today in the first hour and it will be a moot point.

Does that cover everything? I think probably. Kai is out of the main. Dan Walsh is out. Smiling Don is still in. Gabe is out. Claudia is still in...she lost a big pot near the end of the night with AK against AQ...but still has a big stack, but of course, she's pissed because she would have been in the Top 5. Lots of good players still remain...and a lot of players were knocked out, including Chad Brown...who just got in yesterday. Frank also got knocked out...with KK...but his wife Piper is still alive! Should be an interesting Day 2.

I'm out!

Monkey

325 left after 12 levels and still in. About 40k or so. Avg is 53k. 4 levels to go tonite. Got moved to table with lotsa chips.

Quote of Day: Pat Fogleman to scrubby looking black fella in a ski jacket guy who approached us rapidly on casino floor:

After handing the guy a cigarette when he was in the process of making his presentation/pitch....

"Yo man, how did yu know I wuz gonna axe you for a cigarette man!!??"

Pat: "That is the only thing you COULD have asked me for that I would have given you..."

Priceless. I laughed for about ten minutes. And homey got his smoke.

At dinner break. AA got cracked. More misery. Have 34k. 505 left. Avg is 34k. Real work begins now.

End of Level 6. Stupid 30 min breaks are brutal. Sitting on just over 40k. Rollin along...

867 players in Chicago WSOP Main. $1600. End of 3 levels and I'm cruising. Great table draw. Seat 6. I'm in heaven.

Friday...Day 6 in Chicago...Main Event time.

Hi people. It's Friday morning. I intended to blog last night, but was really tired. Kai has been snoring all night off and on, and I've gotten about 3 hours of sleep. That and I need a Prilosec really bad because of some out of control heartburn that I am attributing to the buffet I enjoyed (wrong word there) last night with Dan Walsh, after the two of us finally won our entry in today's $1600 Main Event via the $150 Mega with $100 rebuys. (I was in for a total of $550...and with the Noon $250 Mega flameout, I'm now into the Main for half price)

And while this is going on I have what I believe to be a developing medical condition...and if there are any doctors out there reading this who can make a diagnosis based on what I am about to write...please email me at ThePokerMonkey1@aol.com.

Last week, in fact, last Thursday specifically, I slid into 2nd base to break up a double play. I irritated my left knee, which caused a bit of swelling. The next day, I dove for a grounder in the gap while playing 2nd base...and irritated that same knee even more. By the end of the day my left knee was swollen, and a lot of my lower leg as well. As the last 7 days have gone by the swelling has moved down my leg...and now most of the swelling is in my feet. If I look at the bottom of my feet they are red...as if I am looking at internal bleeding possibly. My leg from the knee down feels kind of numb and tingly. I have iced it several times...and kept it elevated at night. I have no idea what the problem is. And do not want to go to a doctor up here out of network. Unless someone tells me I am about to lose my leg. Please help!

Who wants to see some funny photos? I know how much you guys like funny pictures. The first one is of a guy....a complete tool...who was in my $210 Sit N Go the other night. Oh...and BTW, I should say...I am not the photographer in ANY of these photos...they have all been either emailed to me or text messaged to me by friends and/or fellow players. I have been 'disciplined' before for 'taking photos' in the casino...and have strictly sworn off of it...but if people want to send me photos, hell, I'll use em!

Back to 'crop circles on head' guy. Oh, at some point in the table conversation he revealed to everyone that he 'owns a strip club' and other juicy information that you would love to hear if your daughter brought him home one night. What got me wanting to see him attacked by an angry pack of dogs, was during this particular SNG with a $100 last longer, 7 players in that, and another $20 last longer with 9....and me needing/wanting a win to get my trip back on course. I raised in early position with JJ...and of course got called by half the table.

The flop comes K-Q-J. Rainbow. He bets out 250. There was over 1000 in the pot. It came to me and I raised to 850. Everyone folded to him. He moved all in. Well... I wasn't folding....just couldnt put him on A-10 or 9-10 and if he did have that...sure hope I paired the board. Oh no, he turns over Q-8 offsuit. Yep. Called the preflop raise with it....then the re-raise after the flop...but didn't just call the re-raise, shoved. So what does the dealer do for me? Well, duh....goes 9-10 runner runner, giving idiot boy the straight. It's safe to say I was pissed. And then...as I was sitting there looking at him, and his ridiculous hair...it dawned on me: I'm not him!

I then went and played a $130 SNG...which...eventually, I would win...also with $100 last longer and 5 players. So that was good for a $1000 hit. Needed it! After that...Jason Young, on his last night in Chicago, not sure why exactly...I know partially because he was running bad...but, leaving the day of Megas for the Main? Weird. Well, he puts together a little $70 SNG...with no T.D.A. rules, and turns it into a drinking contest...and we get a whole table full of buddies, except for this one old guy, who I guess got the last seat. Well, we drove him nuts, and he ended up going on tilt, and I think I busted him. We were showing cards, Kai at one point ended up ripping the 8 of clubs in half and eating half of it. A new dealer shoved in and started to freak out...calling the floor over, only to be told that "anything goes with these guys" except of course killing each other. That was strictly forbidden, although I did threaten the life of one of the guys who kept calling me 'Buddy.' I hate that. Okay, I'm sort of kidding there.

I don't know what we were drinking...but we drank a lot of them...and after running it three times and me still losing with K10 against the other guys' AA....I was out...and Kai and I left in our rental car....at one point driving the wrong way down a street, at least that is what my wife told me she heard some angry motorist yelling at us as she and I were talking on my cell phone to her. No, I was not the driver....Kai was, and in his defense, I drove the wrong way out of the parking deck last night myself, and was sober as a judge. It's just a confusing parking deck.

Yesterday was a grind...a very long ass grind. And after coming back from dinner break...I was in pretty good shape. I pick up JJ on the first hand...and though I was in the middle of looking for Adam Nash's blog on my Blackberry, titled YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE....
which I highly recommend you check out...I feel it necesary to play the hand. So I raise to 2700 from 400/800.

Then Ed Corrado goes into his Oscar performance in the SB...pausing,thinking,pondering...hmmm....what do I do with pocket aces? Do I call? Do I raise? Should I shove....is Monkey buying that I have a middle pair here? How long should I milk it for? Then he finally shoves all in.

Fuck it. I call. Its another 5200 on top...and will leave me with 5500...which isn't exactly where I wanted to be. Yeah great...nice hand Ed. I dont get a jack. And now I am in bad shape.

I get into even worse shape. Falling to 3200. Then Frank and Piper Kasella show up. Frank came by to visit me earlier, in the noon mega. I guess he must be starting to get famous probably because as soon as he left, about 6 players at the table started talking about him, and wondering how I knew him.

"Oh, Frank used to cut my hair back when he was a hair stylist in Memphis."

Well, he showed up this time with Piper, who is a very good buddy of mine, but only on Facebook! We like to trade witty barbs all the time. About 3 seconds after they arrive I get raised by a guy with about 90 million chips and AKh...and me and my four big blinds move all in with 77. I flop a 7 and I was on my way. In fact...I won't even bore you with the rest. There were 18 winners. And with 20 left, the guy who had been driving me crazy all day decides after some hesitation to jam on me from the SB into my BB with J3h. I had 'El Diablo' It was roughly 28% of my stack to call him. I made the call...and K10 held up. 1 left. Didn't take long before KQ shoved into AK on the other table...with AK holding, and we were there. Finally. Sweet. And my Mega success in 2010 continues.

It is now 9:27am, and I have promised to meet Frank and Piper for breakfast at 11am, so I must hurry. But I really do have a lot to tell you guys about. Why are my hits down so much this month? Only 3200 right now...compared to almost 8,000 last month. Guess I need to win something, huh? The nightly's don't really count do they? Not anymore especially, after my last two big Main Event hits. You know what's weird? I haven't been able to do shit in noon tourneys lately, UNLESS they are Main Events...which, quite frankly, I am perfectly okay with!

Yes, on Sunday night...I staked my lovely wife and I to play in the nightly with 185 of Chicago's finest. And when we made the final table (we NOT including the Squirrel) I had the chiplead. And probably should have won. The top two finishers also recieved an entry into the $1600 Main Event, which would have been nice. The structure got out of control, at 10k/20k...so I decide to make a huge gamble, based on a couple of factors. (a) I was running like God that night (b) I wanted to get heads up with the other guy holding a 3-1 chip lead (c) I wanted to take out the two shorter stacks and lock up the Main seat....and (d) I was drunk!

So when shorty raised, and even shorter shoved...and I looked at 3c6c...a.k.a. 'The Mafia' also known as 'The Jimmy Sommerfeld' I decided after some trepidation to go for the kill. I knew these two guys' range, and put them both on a big ace. I was dead on...up against AK and AQ. I flop open ended...then turn a flush....holy shit! How do I miss this? Well, I did. And it crippled me. And I would go out 4th not too long after that for $1700. But at least it paid for our wonderful day at the football game. And started out the trip with a cash in my first ever tourney.

I told you there was some shenanigans with 'The Claw' in the 6-handed tourney. There was. But I have decided to leave the details in the clubhouse. Out of respect to a lot of various people. There was just something that happened at the table that I was not just pissed about, but disappointed in her over. Claudia is too good of a friend to my wife to completely shut her out of my life, I guess...but right now, I just don't want to be around her. I suppose I might get over it...but its just going to take me awhile. Saw her in the cash room last night when I was getting the car keys from Kai to get out of there...and I have to admit, she looked pretty amazing. And she did come try to talk to me...and I just have a hard time being an asshole to her. Dammit.

So...then I was having a nice conversation with Adam Nash...a really good dealer, and a funny motherF(*@#^ in general...and along comes this piece of work. We both see her, and her boots get our attention, because quite frankly, almost ANY girl wearing the boots that go up to their knees are afforded an instant 3 pt addition to any girls overall score/ranking. But then we check out the rest of her. She has a very long horse face...and she was with her guido boyfriend, who looks like he might deliver sausage to pizzerias around Chicago, maybe. Then she walks by us...and the laughter begins. She is wearing a shirt that ends about 5 inches before her jeans. Thus revealing the creepiest muffin top of all time. And this look might be okay if she was hauling around some big cans...but she wasn't. In fact, she had those nasty pancake tata's that gross most of us out. But the tramp stamp across the back was the deal sealer. And as bad as I wanted to take a photo...I simply refused...but another player who happened along and heard me say this...decides to get brave...and walked over and captured this magic on film for you all to enjoy. So...without further ado...here she is....DIG IN! And please...no throwing up on my blog page

I realize there are a few of you fellas out there who might actually be saying to yourself...."what is Monkey talking about? That bitch is fine!" Well, okay red, that is ALL YOU buddy!

I like Tosh.O as you all know, and have been clamouring to get home to see the episode where he has former Miss Teen South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton on his show for a 'Web Redemption.' Well, I got to searching for it...and not only found IT...but a nice little clip of when she was on the TODAY SHOW with Ann Curry and Matt Lauer after all of that went down. Its pretty priceless...so I have added it here for you to watch. What the hell is it with all of these young girls now days with the word ACTUALLY? It used to be a good word...they have killed it. And I don't care how nervous this ditz says she was...she is just pure and simple...a box of rocks. Is she cute? Sure...but how much use could she possibly be to anyone once the sex gets old?

MISS SOUTH CAROLINA>>>> in appearance on Today Show.

TOSH.O's Web Redemption>>>>>in appearance on Tosh.O



So...I'm not sure if I wrote about it yet...but I got a total shocker of a phone call from the Days Inn in Bridgeview two days ago...while I was in the noon fiasco they decided to call the STIMULUS tourney. If I heard "okay, players in the Stimulus tourney...blinds are going up" one more time, I was going to stab my inner ear drum with an ice pick! They found my stuff. All of it! Except....for my iPod. Why would they turn in my pills...my headphones...but open up the case and swipe my iPod? So stupid. Whatever, I still left them a reward/tip.

Just means when I get home I have to go buy a new iPod and just synch it to my Itunes library. But I won't have tunes for the rest of this trip...and that sucks ass.



I have been contemplating the purchase of an iPad...and everyone raves about it. But I have also got people telling me to hold out for the G2...or next generation of iPad, which is scheduled to come out in two months or so. Not sure I can make it that long. And watching these guys that have them at the table...they seem SO entertained. And whats great...is they seem to have avoided falling onto the poker dictators radar so far...so they are still LEGAL to use at the table. Of course, a week after I buy mine I'm sure they will immediately get banned by the Poker Monsters.



I have a major dilemna. And what's funny, is that my sister, who isn't even an experienced poker player...asked me the question that has me in a funk after I got done winning that mega last night.



"How are you going to satellite into the $10k Main Event on Monday if you are still playing in the $1600 Main Event?"



Excellent question little sister. And a topic of conversation that I was having with Kai earlier. See, this circuit event has TWO Main Events...I know, kind of weird right? But still...very cool. Only the scheduling has a few problems. Namely, if I make the Final Table of the $1600 'event Main Event'...it will keep me from playing the $550 Mega Satellites on Sunday for the 'Regional' Main Event that starts on Monday. And since my game plan as a poker player with my backer...is to NOT ever buy directly into 10k Main Events. Its just a bad investment idea. So I am kind of not knowing what to do.



So...here ya go blog readers. I am offering anyone the opportunity to stake the Monkey in the $10,000 Regional Main Event...for a 55% stake. I will then give my backer 10% of my 45%. I don't think I need to market myself...if you read my blog, you know how I am running in Main Events this fall. And I really don't want to miss out on this Main Event...as it will be televised, and also go a long way in qualifying for the end-of-year National Championship freeroll at Ceasers Palace Las Vegas. If you are interested, you know how to find me.



What else? It is now 9:56am. I know I am forgetting something. Its been a very entertaining week. There were two really stupid things that happened that I want to tell you about, and maybe I will later...but now I'm in a hurry, and plus this entry has gotten really long.



Oh! My roomie from Vegas...Don Norman....also won his seat last night along with Dan and I? And to do it...he had to fold KK preflop! A huge fold...and was shown AA by the other guy! Nice fold Smilin Don! See...that was how he kept going out all summer in Vegas...guess he learned his lesson about KK on the bubble!!!!!



Oh...one little note about today's Main Event. There will be all kinds of shit bag, dead money players in this event. How do I know? Am I just saying this to be ugly? No...not at all. Its official. Its confirmed. Its a 100% bonafide statement. For months...they have been giving away seats to this event...but virtue of drawing names out of a tub....or walking over to a 1/2 table...or 3/6 limit table...literally high carding people for a seat! Are those the people you want at YOUR table for a Main Event where you're playing for half a million to a million bucks? I would say yes...and no! I want them to pay me off on a 'nut hand' but I sure won't be trying to bluff them. I will be working hard to identify these clowns right away today!!!!



I will try to keep you all updated with mobile blogs throughout this weekends event. Have a great Friday!



Monkey

End of 3pm mega, finally. 18 winners. I got it done. Yay! Noon tomorrow, $1600 Main Event.

Chicago. Madness. Blog Warring with Kai at 2am...

You got it. This is history. This is....truly, a first.

Will "the Poker Monkey" Souther vs. Kai "The A-Train riding Maniac" Landry.......

In a blog contest to end all blog contests.

This day...October 19th, 2010...has been efffectively erased from the calender by both Kai'ster and Senor Monkey...for a varity of reasons.

I am now laying in my bed...alone, as Squirrel returned home today, to where people are much easier to fool, and sandwiches are rarely served without mustard and mayonaisse.

I have my knee propped up on a pillow and covered in ice. After having dove for that ground ball in Phoenix, coming up short...waking up the next day with a ridiculously swollen knee and shin, it has really not improved. I am getting very close to a trip to the local doctor.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I had a fun little thing happen on Sunday night. While playing in my first 'contest' of this trip...and while I was in the bathroom on break, some scum-sucking assclown thought it would be a clever idea to sneak over to my leather fossil bag...AKA...Monkey Purse, and dive in there and steal my Ipod, my BOSE headphones...and the bottle containing ALL of my various 'scrip meds. ALL OF THEM. Which I am very, very good about stringing out over long periods of time and using on a need basis only. Lets click them off....Adderal. Vicodin. Percocet. Skelaxin. Ambien. Flexoril. Narco. Thats about all of them. All gone. No tunes. No pain remedy. No anxiety remedy.

I'm watching Johnny Knoxville on George Lopez right now. I have a feeling, a feeling I'm not sure will be very popular...but a feeling, that Johnny Knoxville is 100% gay.

Wanna hear about Monday? Kai and I made the mistake of booking a room in Bridgeview...which on a map looked relatively close to Hammond and the Horseshoe Casino. WRONG! Not even SORT OF close. So on Monday, me, Kai and Squirrel drove all over Chicago Southland looking for a hotel. There was nothing. Anywhere. We called them all. Then...on a whim, I walked into Ramada...and KAPOW, my charming smile, my sparkling personality, and the $20 tip I dropped on the desk and the lady on the other side who likely only gets tipped when one of her old, toothless, Uncle's calls to tell her she should invest in pork bellies...had us hooked up for the week. FINALLY! I have never felt happier about a room that just two weeks ago I would be cringing over. Funny how your standards go down when there is NOTHING to choose from. It was to the point that I was about to set up camp with a tent on someone's lawn.

Sunday I took Squirrel to the Seahawks game with my sister and her friend Karen for my sister Janae's birthday. It was my first time at Soldier Field. Our tickets were great. It was a sunny, gorgeous day. The field and stadium are just incredible. And to top it off, my Seahawks played great and won the game 23-20. Afterwards, we went downtown to Rush Street and had pizza at some famous pizza joint.

I am laying here and just wondering what is rolling off of Kai's fingertips over there in the next bed!

On the trip to the bathroom...Squirrel passed some Bears fan...a girl, who says..."Ugh...Seahawks jersey? Fucccck Youuuuu!" Cheryl turns around...scoffs, looks at the girl, who is waiting for her comeback and just says..."Ummm...ya, no...ya know, you aren't even worth it. Never mind." And kept walking. Nice.

Later on...still wearing her Shaun Alexander jersey...we were at the casino...and some random black guy walks up to her and tells her...."Yo,...wassup shattty (a version of the word shorty)...I was gonna holla at ya, till I saw ya wearing that Seahawks jersey."

"Oh....really? Yeah, like that probably mattered."

It was amazing how high the percentage of fans were that were wearing Bears garb. Truly a football city. And the amount of tailgaters were astounding. And before and after the game, their fans were actually pretty classy. Granted, its not like we were acting like a bunch of douchebags...which will usually result in getting your ass kicked.

I love the Bing commercials, about the Search Engine overload!
Theeee Dip! "You put your hand up on my hip, when I dip, you dip, we dip...."

Remember how much I loved St.Louis? One of the reasons I hated St. Louis was that they make you pay for the drinks. Oh...its the same deal in Chicago. Only worse. Because they are holding the tourney in a part of the casino called 'The Venue'...which is where they host musical acts, comedians...etc. So...the prices they charge there are significantly more than 'downstairs' in the casino. So even though we are poker players, and we are GAMING....we are being charged for drinks as though we are up there watching some elaborate performance by the amazing _____ (enter the name of your favorite poker player here.

Okay thats it. I'm not talking about poker tonight...or why Claudia "The Claw" Crawford is now dead to me...and will have a very hard time getting me to ever talk to her again...let alone ever be allowed into my house again. What she pulled on me today in the 6-handed event, I am still not ready to share with y'all. I am just not ready to talk about it here. But I know I owed you guys some kind of blog since I have been here now for four days. But lets just say...I was FUCKING FURIOUS.

Played the Omaha jokefest. Limit 8 or better with 176 players. Somehow I got rivered 16 times and was still around with 75 players left...when the 17th river finally knocked me out...at 1:14am...in a mood where all I wanted to do was punch something...anything, super hard, and not get in trouble for it. I am really tired. And can no longer stay awake. And have to play again at noon. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh its days like this that I hate this job/life.
I have lots more to say, trust me. But Im out of gas.

Bye bye now folks.

Monkey Chow