Ahhhh yes....human beings. Mostly.

I was excited today as I drove to the I.P. for the first event in their much anticipated I.P. Poker Classic. The parking lots were jammed. The valet was full. Five elevator-fulls of people later, I was finally delivered to the floor that hosts the tournament. I was on my way to play today's $220, or $30, or wait...$40...or was it $50? It's getting funny now.

First of all, I was kidding about all that stuff at the start. There were no crowds. There were a total of 45 players. And it has now gotten to the point where we are getting 3000 chips. We seem to be going backwards in structures now. Oh! But for that shiny $10 'auto' add on...you get another 2k...taking it to almost bearable. Our first dealer was quick to tell us it was her 'first time ever dealing poker.' Ahh, splendid. In her defense, she had a great attitude and was quick to seek advice on getting better. So credit to her.

Once again, it was a big, spacious room...I just don't get it. The I.P. has one of the best tournament rooms around...and now the location of it is great too. But for some reason their numbers just seem to keep going down...as do the Beau Rivage's. I looked over the sizes of fields at the recently concluded Beau events and was kind of astonished. What is going on? Too many tourneys? People running out of money?

Not sure.

Want to hear a pretty effed up story? Sunday, I'm playing some online poker...en route to another glorious lousy Sunday...and this kid I know from Atlanta....Justin Booth, calls me up and asks me if I would mind swapping him $300 on Tilt for Stars? This isn't unusual. Now that I have that 100 member Homegame on Stars, I get a lot of people asking to swap money...due in part to the difficulty in getting money on there for some.

I was kind of wrapped up in 8 games...3 on Stars and 5 on Tilt...and was struggling to hear what he needed. Had I taken the time, I might have 'wondered' why he couldn't just transfer me the $300. But instead he guided me to an empty $3/$6 table...so he could just dump me $300 through a few losing hands. Which he did. And I promptly sent him $300 on Full Tilt. No problem, right? Any one see an issue with this?

Fast forward to that night. I log on...and am told that my account is FROZEN! Then I get an email...telling me my account has been suspended due to a 'potentially fraudulent act on the site' and sent me an explanation....demanding me to send to them an explanation of how I knew this person, and to follow up with all these various documents....drivers license, passport, bank statement, a utility bill...good gawd! This was on Monday. So I send them ALL of that...and an honest answer to what had transpired.

Today...FOUR days later...I get an email back...telling me they appreciated my explanation, and that after reviewing my documents my account had been reinstated and that I was free to start playing again. Oh! But wait. Guess what? They were KEEPING the $300...claiming that it was obtained fraudulently! I about flipped out! Gathered my thoughts...and temper...and emailed them back. It was my impression that the four days were spent reviewing my explanation and my documents to convince themselves that it WASN'T fraudulent activity. Right? So how the hell do they just TAKE $300 away from me? I guess the moral of the story is....I'm getting pretty effing sick of getting screwed over trying to help people on Pokerstars.

First it was the Jonathan Little 'Hey can you Western Union my friend in Peru who got robbed at gunpoint $500 and I will send it to you on P'Stars later on tonight from London where I'm at playing in the WSOP-E' scam that exploded all over 2+2. In that one...I was temporarily painted as the villain, was duped out of $500....and had Jon Little and Shannon Shorr calling me every kind of name on 2+2...which they later apologized for, after...and not UNTIL...Pokerstars finally told them I had absolutely no responsibility in the scam, that I was only a victim. That was two pretty shitty days...although the hit meter on this blog went bananas!

So once again...I get hosed. Trying to just 'be a nice guy.' I'm pretty much done helping people out, I think. At least where Pokerstars is concerned. Dicks!

So anyway....got it back today and haven't played a single hand of online poker. Because now...I am in PLAYING HUMAN BEINGS mode!!!

Yeah...that was today. I was pretty bummed when I walked in and only saw 45 players. Ouch! But then...I caught fire. Called a huge over-bet by a guy who always overplays AK...and since 4 behind me called, calling with 44 was a no-brainer. Flop comes 3-4-k. How nice. I check. Next guy bets 550. Dude to my right, who would later annoy me with a couple of horrendous plays...calls the 550. I make it 1200. Original bettor jams all in. Dude on my right groans and folds. I guess he thought KQ or KJ was good there. I shouldn't have re-raised in retrospect...and prayed for that guy to hit his kicker and felt him. The original bettor, who I was pretty sure didn't have KK since he limped preflop and only called the raise...turns over 33. Nice, set over set. I win. Boom.

Later with a flush draw...I bust that same over-betting guy...who fires 1200 out on a Q-4-4 flop and me holding A-2 hearts....two hearts on the flop. Well, this guy...I know he doesn't have a 4. He has a Q...or a worse flush draw then me...he only leaves 2k behind...and I have 13k. I can take that hit if I miss. I was right. He has a Q...and a DEUCE to go with it. Nice play sir. Oh...did I forget to mention I just went ahead and put him all in and he snap called with the Q2? I turned a flush. See ya.

Busted another guy who after I raised with KK utg...decides to ship it for 1450...only to have the annoyance next to me flat call the 1450...well, that just wasn't going to play, uh uh. I re-raise it to 4500. He groans (lot of groaning going on at my table) and folds what he said was AQ. Thank god too, because the flop was A-4-9. Sure, I turned a K for a set...but I would likely have had to fold on the flop had I not raised enough to chase him out. Oh the other guy? He had J-10 and was claiming to be 'ready to just get out of here.' I see. Okay, you're dismissed sir.

So I get up to about 20k...and the shit hits the fan. This kid limps for 300. Dude on my right calls. I look at 10-10 (o-3 today with 10's) and I raise to 1000. Limp kid hesitates....then calls. Huh? Dude on my right...who Kai Landry would refer to as a 'leg humper' (read Kai's blog or ask him when you see him if you don't get that) also decides to call. Jeezuz. Flop comes 4-2-7...good flop, right? It checks to me. I bet 2400. He tanks a little and ships. Other dude folds. I can't really fold...I call. What does he have? Just aces. Yeah. Nice play. I commend him on his play...and ship him a third of my chips. Grrrrr....

Wow, I never talk this much about poker. Why? Cuz I think its boring. I will just cut to the chase. I got short. Real short...won't tell you how...but it was a story that had me wishing I was sitting back at home playing online. Donkey old guys who just can't seem to ever fold. Whatever. I run AQ into AK and I was toast...busting 10th....5 from the money. I left gracefully.

Last night...while taking a nice hot bath...after a 2.5 hr workout at the gym...which came after running all kinds of errands...I accidentally let my cell phone clean itself up...taking a dip in my glass of juice. Shit. And as most phones tend to do...it didn't respond well to the juice. In fact...it 'shit the bed.' I had to pull out my previous Crackberry, sporting a big crack on the face from an 'Aces getting cracked by 22' out at Venetian a year and a half ago situation. It still worked. But sucked. I was now in phone hell. And not eligible for a free upgrade.

Since I have my wireless internet service with Verizon...and since Verizon now sells iPhones, and has an excellent coverage map it dawned on me to end my 9 year relationship with T-Mobile. So I headed for 'technology land' and spent 2 hours upgrading my life from a communications standpoint.

Guy behind the desk needed my account number so he could transfer my old number to my new phone. Tells me "when you call them they are going to probably start pitching you all kinds of offers not to leave." Hmm..I know how to handle those calls. So...it was funny, I call 611 for customer service right? Get that stupid, annoying automated robot asking me all the blah blah blah killl me questions that we all loathe.

"REPRESENTATIVE!"

How can we help you today?

"I NEED MY ACCOUNT NUMBER"

And you know what they come back with?

"You want to close your account, is that right?"

Damn...what are they mind-readers? I guess dude was right! They were ready...as soon as they got that call asking for their account number. So...when an actual human picks up, and asks me if she can help me, I tell her I need my account number.

"Is there something wrong with your account sir? Something that I can help you with?" Nope, just fine thanks. I just need my account number because I am not at home and don't have a statement available. DONE!

So now I am the proud new owner of an iPhone 4. Also upgraded my wireless wi-fi thing to their new 4G superfast kickass model. And got a bunch of accessories. So yeah...feeling pretty good now. I'm all 'teched' up! Nice word, I know.

So the plan? Pretty sure I need to get my ass to Florida. But I need to run a couple errands here first. Then stop off in Pensacola for a much-needed oil change...then go check out my rental property and chat with my tenants...and finally, drop off my taxes for preparation with my accountant...then I'm home free.

They start their event tomorrow...I thought they started today, happy to find out I was wrong. And their first event...a $350...has 4 different start times....1a on Friday at noon, 1b on Friday at 7pm...then 1c on noon Saturday and 1d Saturday night. Hypothetically, I try to get there by Saturday night and play 1d. Its a long ass drive...and I don't see any way I can get there Saturday by noon.

My gawd...how BORING is this blog!???

Did y'all watch American Idol tonight? How in the HELL does that smokin hottie Pia get voted off? Not only was she F-I-N-E...but she was talented. Last night...while laying in the bathtub...Squirrel would turn up the TV for each singer...and when I was listening to her...I literally forgot I was watching American Idol, and thought I was hearing a legit artist...that's how good this girl was. And she gets voted off? NINTH? WTF?????

I think it proves that these stupid 8-16 year old girls are sitting there voting 50-100 times for their favorite 'guy' performer...while the girls are getting votes from normal people who only vote once or twice maybe. So you have 99 people voting 1 time for Pia...and 1 little psycho bitch voting 100 times for Casey...and guess who goes home? Ridiculous. Maybe if these new 'super nice' judges would start being a little uglier, and pointing out the flaws..instead of just telling them all how wonderful they are...the viewers might be influenced to vote off the right people. Yes, that is my polite way of saying that we are a country made up of 'followers' and not 'leaders.' Wait...what?

Spent from 8pm Wednesday night until 6am Thursday entering 105 Master's Picks from my pool people, most of whom love to send me their picks at the last minute. Well, the good news...is that after today's first round...2 of my 7 entries are sitting in a tie for first place...under the names Jasper Black and Mollie Black...yes...my dogs! Woof Woof!

What else?

Japan, still reeling from the 9.0 earthquake and killer tsunami...as well as an ongoing nuclear nightmare...takes another one on the chin last night...getting nailed with a 7.4 earthquake. Hold up. Two months ago..in New Zealand...they were hit with an earthquake of similar size...and it was called a Killer Earthquake...and indeed, a lot of people were killed. But today...instead of calling this an earthquake...it gets labeled an 'aftershock!' Huh? At what point does a geological event go from being an aftershock to being an earthquake? And vice versa? How pissed are you if today's 'aftershock' wiped out your house...and when trying to explain where your house went...people just don't have the same compassion when they hear

"we lost everything in last week's aftershock."

Oh....really? Um....well, that sucks. Okay...gotta go!

Through the charitable generosity of 9 people who play in my pools, who all sent at least $100...and me giving up 50% of my commission on my March Madness Pool....we managed to raise $1650 for the victims of Japan...which is heading west for the Japan Red Cross probably Monday morning. I sure hope it helps some people in need. I can't even begin to imagine what its like to be living in a gym...with no power, no water, barely any food, and a lot of them not knowing if their other family members are dead or alive. It's horrible. And here in America...we seem to have turned the page on Japan...on to the next 'issue.' Well, I haven't forgotten about them...and I hope you haven't either.

Alright...I'm wrapping this up. Might actually try to get a good night of sleep, get up...prepare my taxes, finish my backer's spreadsheet...run some errands...and get the hell outa here! And go meet up, face to face...with actual humans...to play some REAL poker...in search of a defining 2011 victory!!!!

Monkey