....Welcome to South Florida!

Specifically Hollywood/Ft.Lauderdale. I was shooting for getting here last Friday, but a couple things slowed me down. (a) I had yet to get my backer's spreadsheet done. (b) I was caught up trying to get all my pools paid up, while putting together the Masters Pool- very time consuming endeavor (c) my taxes still hadn't been put together and (d) Squirrel went home to N.Alabama for the weekend, and I hated the thought of leaving my dogs alone for 4 days. They have become so spoiled, we both cringe of the thought of them being at home...outside, all alone. Pretty pathetic.

Oh...and a major reason for not leaving Friday night...was that they were capping the first event...which was spread over two days and had 4 starting sessions...of 250 players each session, was sold out. So I just decided to wait to leave until Monday. Probably a good idea. Got the yard work done. Got the taxes done, backer's spreadsheet done...which was nice, I was 5 events behind...so now I know EXACTLY how much money we have in our bankroll. Got a very important letter off to the 'head guys' of Harrah's and the WSOP in my attempt to end the ongoing B.S. between Jack Effel, Jimmy Sommerfeld and myself. It's pretty insane to think that I could end up in the Top 10 of the National Freeroll (top 36 get in) and not be 'allowed' to play because of some 'manufactured' bias against me by the 'Triple J Poker Mafia'. I'm hopeful that I said all the right things that will result in common sense winning out. Guess we will see.

So I left Monday. Got Verizon to dump off all the numbers that were missing on the new iPhone I got after dropping my Blackberry into my fruit punch while taking a bath last week. So now at least I have all my numbers restored. Bad news? Verizon...which is supposed to have the greatest coverage in the nation? The signal down here pretty much sucks. And inside the poker room...which last time I was here was a sports bar where my buddies and I went to watch girls ride a mechanical bull one night...is like a nuclear bunker...where getting a call in or out of is virtually impossible. Like trying to get a message from Houston while on the Dark Side of the Moon.

Ohhhhhh geee...speaking of Houston. Ha! We have had a reappearance from our buddy Chad 'Orangeina' Burns. I need to explain something. I am 44 now. I don't exactly go out looking for someone to engage in fisticuffs with. Kind of moved on from that stage in my life. However....I have to say, when I am 6'3 250 and actually feeling pretty good as I've been working out quite a bit lately...to be getting emails from a guy who is maybe 5'6...and I'm guessing about 130...threatening me with physical violence, is...well, hilarious. I already challenged the guy to meet me in Coushatta to 'settle things' in the parking lot. He cancelled his plans to go there. I challenged him to a boxing match in a gym in Houston...which resulted in me having a reader volunteer his gym for the occasion...for a $25 admission fee that would have all monies raised for the Disaster in Japan. Again, he bristled at this chance.

Speaking of Japan...I am very proud to announce that through my pools, and my 50% commission from my March Madness pool, that we have raised $1550 for the people of Japan...which was paid out to the Japanese Red Cross. I have some great people who play in my pools!

Back to Burnsie. Not sure how I got him back to bashing me...but apparantly, since he has been getting banned from every game in Houston...he has somehow decided that its my fault. And while I wouldn't disagree with the notion that I had something, indeed to do with his recent 'image discolorization' that has opened the eyes of people in Houston to see just how much of a waste of DNA they have living among them...I must remind him that it is he himself who decided to put himself in the current spot that he's in. I mean...can we get serious? Would it have mattered who he was? Anyone who, on their Facebook page is posting pictures of himself in self-snapped, low angle (look how cool do I look) shots while driving his car....anyone who takes a picture of $100 bills...or his chip stack at the poker table...or OTHER people's houses and cars....and/or a photo of your GOLF CLUBS? And talking about them like they are a pet? Then making sure the world knows how much they cost? Would it matter if you didn't know who this person was? Would you not STILL feel like..."Wow, what a huge douche bag this guy is, obviously!" The answer: Of course you would! But Chadmeister takes it to the next level. He decides to retaliate. And disaster #1 occurs when he merely opens his mouth and starts talking. No one is even offended or scared. The first emotion one feels is true sadness for the little munchkin. But then as his verbiage and tirades turns ominously sadistic...you begin to wish for pain to be inflicted upon him.

So...who isn't dying to hear his recent Facebook email attack? Okay. I will give it to you...but after I set it up by telling you about my Day 1 down here.

I arrived in South Florida at around 8:30 am...after leaving the day before at around 5pm. Yes...it was a lengthy road trip...but pretty smooth. Had 4 movies to watch. Didn't even play any online poker until I had passed Tampa...yes, I took the 'Toll-less route'...saving who knows how much on tolls. Ended up playing 3 SNG's....winning 1, getting 2nd and 4th...and thus paying for my gas on the trip. When I arrived I made a little trip to get some things for our 'apartment'...as we are at Hampton Inn Suites...and our room is a lot like an apartment, with a full kitchen and living room. Pretty nice. I'm sharing the room with Josh Palmer.

The A/C works great, the Refrigerator is cold. The beds are comfortable...and so far, Josh and his warnings that he snores, has not been proven (thank God!), despite me picking up some 'Breathe Right' strips at Wal Mart just in case!

Somehow my internal calendar was all messed up...and was about to take a nice long nap...when Michael Hallen (he of the Chad Burns wall post tirade) called me, and asked why I wasn't at Hard Rock for the noon tourney. It was 12:10pm.

"what do you mean? I thought there wasn't anything until 4pm? That today was a Seniors Event?"

Nope, that was yesterday! Today is a $350 doublestacks. Damn! Well...no rest for the weary...and I jumped in the shower, put on one of my brand new Bustout Poker Apparel t-shirts that I just got...and made my way to the Hard Rock Casino here in Hollywood.

The first thing that tested my OCD/ADHD condition was the 8 minute stop light right out front of the casino. My gawd...how do you have a casino...and have the stop light keep people stuck there for more than a minute? Time is money right? How much revenue are they losing with people stuck at that light? How many people take those 8 minutes to self-reflect...and come to the conclusion that they have no reason to go blow their welfare check in that big, glimmering monolith of sin? Then do a u-turn and return home? See where I'm going here? I finally ran the light...before I slipped into that line of thinking.

Tourney had 125 players. I lose my first 7 hands...going from 20k to 11k FAST! First big hand...I have A8s...and call a light raise. Flop comes 7-9-10...two spades. Does anyone think I am going to miss this draw against the guy who has 'El Diablo' and never does anything but overbet every hand he is in? So, because it was early and I'd already seen this guy get his whole stack in with a really weak hand...I didn't think raising him on the flop was the smartest decision, and in conclusion, it would have been the WRONG decision, as he would have never folded, and by the time the turn arrived, I would have probably gotten myself married to the hand. So I just called his large bet on the flop and huge bet on the turn...only to brick the river.

So yeah, I was in a big early hole. Then I get a set and get paid off...only to get another set...and bust a guy. I win a few more big pots...and before you know it, I'm cruising. Spent a majority of my day watching my iPad...movies, reading the news...listening to music, playing some 'Words With Friends' and generally just enjoying myself. For a change.

Came back from Dinner break with 95k (average 65k) and 35 left. Lost about half my stack on a flip...me with JJ...other guy with AK. Spiked a king. Sucked. But got almost all of them back when I shoved all in with AKc behind an early position raiser...and a re-raise from the same guy I gave half my stack to. He tanked forever before folding two Queens. Whew...maybe. My table broke...went to a new one...with a few more chips on it...and tried to learn as quickly as I could...since I had spent the whole day at the same table.

There is nothing more annoying that getting to level 10-12 of a tourney...having been at the same table all day...learning the styles of everyone at your table...and at crunch time (two tables of less from the money) you get moved, and moved to a table of people you have NEVER SEEN in your poker life. Really sucks. This was the case.

At our table was a guy who was a cross between Lil Wayne and Latrell Sprewell...you know those long dreadlock-looking braids? He had this going on. And these big, Jamie Foxx-looking glasses that you never seem to ever see him NOT wearing (another thing that I think is fucking stupid-not to mention that people think he has signing talent, when all he does is use that Autotronic thing to do all his songs. A throat cancer patient could use one of those and cut a Top Ten album). And on top of it...he was talking smack, to everyone at the table. Every winning pot was met by a performance where he would stand up, verbally attack whoever he just beat...then start his talking.

"what! What!!??? Did you just lose to me? Did you? Yeah! Yeah you did! I told you man! I told you to stay outa my pot man!!! Maybe next time you'll listen wont you!!!???"

Well, I was new to the table as I mentioned...and wasn't really talking to anyone...just trying to quickly figure everyone out...since we were now only 7 from the money. The idiot makes a horrible play, ends up getting lucky as shit, and now he has suddenly fallen in love with the power that comes when a donkey moron gets a big stack. He now has 'raise-itis' and is showing how annoying it can be when you getting close to the money. I have over 120k in chips with the average at 90k and am content to just hang around...get into the money..and then go to work.

Well, so much for that plan. At 1500/3000 and with 21 players left (paying 18) Lil Thugster raises on the button to 7000. In watching him preflop I knew he didnt have much. I just think he felt like it was his duty to raise my BB. Well, then I look down at AK. Wow, how nice! I had already told the guy on my left that if this guy raised behind me, and I looked down at AA or KK I was going to flat him, then let him hang himself. No way in hell he doesn't bet out if checked to. But with AK? I didn't think I wanted to mess around with not raising him...and after you hear how it plays out...you will understand why I'm REAL happy that I didn't go that route.

I re-raise him to a pretty robust $25k. He, by the way has 132k compared with my 123k. Not much of a difference. And I have just re-raised him to about 20% of his stack. No problem. He calls. Ugh. Nothing worse than re-raising that much...with AK...and having a guy flat you. Right? Jeezuz. I felt a lot better when the flop came out A-7-7 rainbow. Nice. A nice flop to check...which I did. He bets out 25k. I re-raise to 60k. He ships. I look at the board. Gawd, if this clown has A7 I'm gonna shit.

Oh no....he didn't have A7....no, he had FOUR SEVEN! Yes. 4-7. I did not manage to hit an ace...and just like that, I was out. Busted. 10 hours. Done. Waste of life. Fuck! I sat there kind of stunned...and then he does his thing, standing, putting ON his stupid glasses, and the peacocking began. Mind you...I hadn't had ONE word with this guy...and he is ripping me like we are old nemesis's.

Stands...and it begins...."yeahhhh (clap clap clap his hands) there ya go boy...there ya go!!! Go run and tell your BOYS about that one! yeah...now you got a good one to talk about!"

I just looked at him...letting him have his moment to show everyone what a fucking loser he was...then told him...."Very nice hand sir." And to the other players at the table...who were all pretty cool guys, I just told them "Hey...good luck to you guys." As I was walking outside...one of the guys from the table followed me out...

"Hey man...you really handled that with class. I can't believe what an asshole that donkey is. I was waiting for you to go clobber that guy. Anyway...that sucked man...just wanted to tell you that."

That was pretty cool of him. Not that it changed anything, but its in line with how I am trying to restructure people's opinions of me...leave the table with some grace. As it turned out...they did a four-way chop...and guess who wasn't in on the chop? Despite have over 250k after knocking me out? You know it. That made me feel a lot better. Found that out while I was in their back room playing a little $1/$2 'decompression' cash game. Had a really fun table with a lot of nice people at it. A lot of nice people who played really bad poker. A part of me thinks I should just play cash game this whole trip! Wow. I bought in for $200 and cashed out for $1600 about 6 hours later. Kind of got me over my near-bubble in the noon tourney.

Wrecked me for the next day (today's) tourney...but I was going to be useless anyway...since I hadn't slept since my drive. My idea was to play cash...get back what I lost...and then some...and spend a whole day sleeping and getting ready for Thursday's tourney...so from that angle, my plan was a total success!

Laying in bed, I just saw a Tim Tebow commercial for Jockey. He says very little but is walking down a sidewalk while a story board plays out and art dances all around him and his t-shirt. I couldn't help but notice he was sporting the one-sweatband look. Can someone please tell me what the hell the deal is with that fad? I don't get it. And...at what point do you become ineligible to pull that off? Maybe after you have made the NFL and after you have turned 21? Maybe? And how is Tebow booking ads, and selling so many jerseys? He started what? Twice? Because their starter was injured? Or no...I guess its cuz the Broncos sucked, were playing out the string...and just let him get his feet wet right? Hey...I guess good for him, right?

Can we talk about the Carl's Jr commercial with Miss Turkey? Yes...that REALLY is Miss Turkey, I looked it up! I can't be 100% positive, but...and this is assuming they didn't use any special effects in shooting that commercial...that is quite possibly the nicest butt I have ever seen! {except for yours sweetie!!!}

As I was driving down here...and this always happens on long road trips, I had the opportunity to think about a lot of 'stuff.' The greatest road trip is my annual odyssey to Vegas...where I have 1785 miles and 22 hours to think about or dwell on certain things. I've done the drive twice with people and twice alone. I think I like it best when I'm alone because I really get focused on not just poker, but life.

So I got fixated on 'things people do for a living' and how much I would either WANT to be them...or KILL MYSELF if I was them. One of the things I decided I would find drove me to death would be those people who sit in that little booth on the top of draw bridges...just sit there...waiting, and waiting...for a ship or boat with a mast tall enough that it requires them to lift the bridge. What do they do the rest of the time? Do they have a TV in there to watch? Does he read? Do they ever get a chance to leave to take a break? How awful is that job? What about a person who works in a toll both? that's gotta really suck. But at least there you are always doing something. As cars are constantly coming and going, right?

And now....we have our first bout of snoring, mark it down. 12:55am. Pretty sure I will be fetching my BOSE any second...as there is no way I can finish this blog while listening to that.

My Seattle Mariners are showing their true colors..after starting out 2-0 and giving me hope for a great season...they promptly lost 6 in a row, and after King Felix got bombed yesterday...they now are sitting at 3-9. Wonderful. Over/under on 'mathematical elimination'? I'm thinking August 5th is a good number!

What the hell is going on with online poker and the casino industry? Is it going to happen? Everyone seems to be lining themselves up with various casinos. Is it all down to who is going to get what and for how much? All I know is that with the deficit this country is facing...when are we going to stop sweating the ridiculous and start regulating the things you are never going to get rid of? Like Marijuana and poker? Make them legal. Regulate them...and make money hand over fist. Fix our budget. Help our education system..which now is one of the worst in the modern world. And help our own homeless and unemployment problems. Do you guys have ANY clue how much the two major sites, Pokerstars and Full Tilt Poker make annually in millions? Its disgusting. Our government spends way too much time and attention worrying about the conservatives and how things will 'affect our way of life.' Give me a break. 360 million Americans...and 100 million of them play poker. 30-40 million of them smoke pot. Weed smokers are not criminals. Its pretty well documented. Whatever, or just go ahead and default on your debt...and who knows...maybe China will just take us over. Sweet. I'm not going to lie though...I'm too old to try and learn another language...and Chinese is a bitch to learn.

Somehow I got side-tracked on Chadzilla and his latest rant. So...no more teasing you. Here it is!

CHAD BURNS april 13: Got phone calls today from several of my boys that are in Florida right now telling me that you bubbled the event today after playing like 11 hours!! And it was to some guy who had 7-4 off! LMFAO!!! way to go bud...you deserve EVERY BAD THING that happens in your life...ur truly a joke of a human being...maybe you'll get barred from yet another casino before it's all said and done! FUCKIN IDIOT!!!

WILLIAM SOUTHER april 13: Did that feel good, ass clown? Yeah, bummer. I bubbled. Oh. the 47? It was suited. After wards I went and had a great dinner with 7 friends (a word you aren't familiar with) and played cash game for 3 hours...booking a hefty profit. yeah...my life sucks. Why don't you just wave the white flag you little ass bandit?

CHAD BURNS (later) Maybe if you'd stop running ur dick sucker, I'd leave you alone...but the more shit you keep posting about me online, the more I'm gonna fuck with you, PUSSY! Why don't you grow the fuck up and focus on being a better person instead of fucking with people on Facebook? I mean, after all ur like 45 years old bro...don't you think its about time you start acting like a fuckin adult by now???

CHAD BURNS (later) Oh, enjoy ur day in a smoke filled casino, sir...as I type this at 11:15am Houston time, I'm headed to play golf on this gorgeous 75 degree, sunny day! ~yawn~

WILLIAM SOUTHER (later) Do you not understand how little you matter on this planet? You really should seek the advice and guidance of a mental health therapist. For real. It's nifty that you feel the incessant need to check in with me and let me know that what you're doing is 'cooler' than what I'm doing. Pretty childish really, and a little bizarre.

CHAD BURNS (later) Dude, ur really callin someone childish? REALY? Again, aren't you 45 years old acting as if ur still in grade school you prepubescent faggot? It amazes me just how much more pathetic you get each and every other day!

And I didn't, or couldn't find...the motivation or desire to respond any further. Lost in all this...is that I haven't said anything to this dork in weeks, and then he comes out of the woodwork to badger me today, why? Because I bubbled an event that he wishes he could con someone giving him money for so he could be here playing in it? Envy. I believe its one of the Seven Deadly Sins...is it not?

And DAMN IT! I am 44 man....FORTY FREAKING FOUR...quit trying to make me older than I already am!!!!!

Later I get a call from 'someone' who informs me...and this is pretty funny, that Chad has a warrant out for his arrest in Michigan. For Aggravated Harassment against him, filed by the same girl, who if you look at his photos, he posed in a photo with at the Auto Show in Detroit. He wouldn't leave her alone...and finally she snapped and pressed charges against him. He would have everyone think it was 'his date' while he was in Michigan. She is livid! Pretty classy Chad...you're smooth kid, real smooth. You know, the DO have prostitutes...a.k.a 'escorts' who you can hire...then take pictures of yourself with...and pretend that its your girlfriend. Oh...never mind, I just remembered...you have no money. That would make it hard. And they probably wouldn't be willing to barter with you for one of your favorite golf clubs. Most of the hookers I know aren't big golfers.

And...the snoring is raging. I mean...lumber mill loud. The BOSE are on...and I can still hear it. Fuck! Looks like I will moving to the living room and trying to figure out how to turn that couch into a bed.

Sunday was another 'Day from Hell' at my favorite online poker room. I'm so glad to be back at a live event...and away from those jackasses who play online. Its just so annoying...and this Sunday was no different. Here are a couple of screenshots from my Sunday Nightmare.


This hand...I labeled...'seriously???' Notice the blinds are only 10/20? This guy was under the gun...and raises to 60. Now even though I have the hated QQ...that I run HORRIBLE with...I still feel the need to raise, since merely calling almost always gurantees that the ENTIRE table and maybe a few from other screens will call as well (that is an attempt at humor) so yeah, I re-raise to 180. Everyone folds to this guy. He calls. The flop, you see it...comes ace high. He bets out 220. I raise it to 550...figuring that he would have never bet out there with a big ace...and if he has a bad ace (A-8 to A-J) a reraise there will get any decent player to probably fold, right? WRONG! He just calls the 550. Turn is a 2. He checks. I put him all in. No sweat...he snap calls. And...on the river? But of course...JACK BALL! click, click...load another two bullets in the chamber.....



This hand...I decided to call "run good much?" And you can see why. At a time in the game when I really needed a double up...and was about to get a TRIPLE up...I'm sitting there with AKc....opposed by AQ and AJ...off suit on both. The flop comes ten high. Perfect. The board pairs on the turn...but now gives me a nut flush draw. So...lets see, going to the river I have 12 outs to improve...while these two clowns have a TOTAL of 9 outs to win or chop. So why not put the ten out there? Giving us ALL a three-way tie? WTF! Yeah...that one sucked...but is so typical!



And on this last one...we have a title of "Just once please!??" At 40/80...this guy raises to 240 with 66. Fair enough. I'm in the big blind (the guy to the left of the button just was put at the table, no hand) and call the raise. You will notice the sick flop...giving him a set, but me a nut flush draw AND an inside straight draw. Not many of us are folding here. I'm also not folding. I checked, let him bet...and just called. I turned the flush...checked again...let him bet it, then re-raised him. He moved all in. I call...and BOOM, he fills up on the river. !@&!_))*Y@#, thanks Pokerstars....AGAIN!




Yep...those were just a few of my memorable hands this past Sunday. I have to admit, however, that when the 'wanna be rap gangster' made his 4-7 play against me in yesterday's tourney...it felt a lot like something I would see online. I guess there was a shred of pleasure in seeing it the way I did, in that I knew an actual human (well, sort of, in a biological way at least) had made this asinine play against me. Case adjourned, you may now leave the courtroom.

Can we safely assume that I have written enough for Day 1....well, okay Day 2...from South Florida? Was really hoping I was going to start this trip with a nice score..especially since they aren't really running too many sit n go's here for some unknown reason, but at least I had a good cash session to sustain me. And I know based on what I saw yesterday that my chances to make a few Final Tables down here feel pretty good. So all in all I would say the trip has started well.


Talk to you all later.



MONKEY