Hear Those Crickets?

...I know, 8 days without a blog. Pretty freaky huh? Truth is, I just haven't conjured up anything to write about. I almost feel...mmm, what? Bad? Kind of, I guess. 

Played a little on Felt Stars...and was about to entertain thoughts to put more money on there so I could quit playing small stakes BS and listen to assclowns question why I'm playing such small limits. Um....yeahhhh...good question. Maybe because I only have $100 on there and am trying to run it up to a respectable amount.

Well, then I find out from the guy who I was originally trying to hatch a deal with those guys...yeah that was my pending 'online deal' when Black Friday arrived (and it was going to be a pretty attractive deal, too) I find out he has since left them. Also didn't know that they joined the 'Merge' network. Well, my Father-in-Law wins a tourney on there for close to $1k...and has spent the past month trying to get some of it cashed out with no luck whatsoever. Then, I hear rumors that they are about to pull up operations in the U.S. too. Great. So, what motivation would anyone have for playing on there now?

So what does a 'poker pro' do when he is at home in between events? I used to sit at home and grind online...granted, with little success usually. So I don't know, you could kind of look at the banishment of online poker within our borders as a good thing (for me) if only I was using that time to do things more constructive, like working out for example.

Which...I might have been actually doing once in awhile...if it weren't for my 4Runner being in the shop for the last 26 days. Yeah. You heard me. Today is DAY 26 of '4Runner Held Hostage in Pensacola!' They finally found the problem. Some crazy, maverick, renegade wire located in the body of the car back near the rear quarter panel. Which was creating a live draw? The power stayed on after the car was turned off, which resulted in the battery being dead. Should be ready tomorrow...I'm told. I've been asking 'how much' now since Thursday...and keep getting told "I'm still adding everything up." That usually isn't a good thing. 

This summer has sucked. August...ugh. I've tried to go out in my backyard about 4 times to catch a little sun. Forget it. 100 degree heat, 80% humidity...its not even possible. I walk outside, take two breaths...and immediately go back inside. You hear about all the stories about people being raised in Mississippi back in the 50's and 60's...who worked manual labor...who didn't have A/C. And you never really have the chance to appreciate what they went through...because you are usually in your nicely air conditioned house when they are talking about it. Holy shit...just walking around out there...like...when I walk to the mailbox? I feel sorry for any poor bastard that EVER had to live through that nightmare!

Trying to beat this speeding ticket I got in Texas. Wrote a letter. Also wrote one to Las Vegas...for the one I got there. Was just looking for a little 'break' on that one. Here is what I get back. From Vegas. I am invited to do online traffic court...then pay $145. In return, the ticket doesn't go on my record. The savings over just paying the damn ticket? ZILCH. Mmmmm, yeah, awesome. From Texas? I have been invited to attend a court date on Sept 1st. Yup. Oh! But if I call the court in advance, I can arrange for a conference call on the day of court with the judge. Anyone out there won a case via conference call? Got a feeling there will be another stupid $208 going west. I should probably call my insurance company and find out where I am on the scoreboard they keep that tells the State when to suspend your license and the insurance company to jack your rates. I think I might be getting close on at least one of them.

 

How did the figure of speech "We got 'em dead to rights" come about? I have never understood it, and still don't.

I read a lot of comments, and make the occasional comment of my own when reading a news story. Is it just me...or do you find it impossible to take someone at all seriously when their bad grammar and/or constant misspelled words deprive you of a pleasant reading experience?

This here is a pretty cool video of developing Hurricane Irene...swirling around out in the Atlantic...currently having just finished 'doing work' in Puerto Rico...and quickly approaching the Bahamas as a Category 2 storm, with the chance of getting much stronger. If you look closely at the storm's track, you will notice it has a wonderful chance of visiting those assholes who run our country up in DC. I'm not going to lie...I've been having some pretty sadistic fantasies the past day or so.

NetworkedBlogs...the company who's job it is to pull blogs and make them immediately POST to your Facebook and/or Twitter? They suck. This prick who claims to run the company? I emailed him...telling him my problem, explaining that I am paying $4.99 a month to give my posts priority 'pull' status. He sends me back a form email...telling me (remember he is its OWNER) I would have more success if I sent my problem to their very generic SUPPORT email. Really??? I sent them an email. I continue to have the same problem. In fact, they never even responded. 

My new dilemma? Obviously I want to stop paying them for their 'non-service' that they aren't performing. The issue? The amount of energy and aggravation required to figure out how to suspend that payment on PayPal? I can't convince myself that its worth $4.99 a month. I wish I was being charged at LEAST $15 a month...then I could find that precious hour or so of time to drive myself nuts!

So...David Diaz won the Main Event in Tunica eh? It is safe to say 'Lefty' is having a great summer. I am seriously contemplating firing up the chainsaw and having Squirrel lop off one of my arms. I mean...whatever it takes! I'm actually real happy for Dave..he's a good guy! Nothing wrong with good guys running good. Sam Barnhardt...another guy who has run like God this Summer. Well, I am crossing my fingers that the poker gods were saving up all my 'run good' for the end of the year like they did last year!

So. What is next? After this month and a half that I have done nearly nothing? Well, I was hoping to go play in South Florida at that WPT event...but my car had other ideas. Maybe my car was doing me a favor. Hear Darryl Fish took 5th in the Main Event down there for 50k or so. Awesome. Good for DFish...another kid I really like a lot. Well...I am, or was...torn between two events. The Gulf Coast Poker Championship at the Beau Rivage...which starts on Thursday night...or the event up in Thackerville, Oklahoma at Win Star Casino...an event they call 'The River.'

The problem, that River event started the 22nd. Tomorrow is the 24th. Kind of running out of time to play that one. That and I hear from a lot of good players (Diaz being one of them) that the structures up there are total shit. Ugh. I hate bad structures. So I guess its going to be a kamikaze mission at the Beau Rivage. I say that because I have no idea how that is going to go. The last time I played there, I was asked to sit out the last three days of the event due to some asshole who apparantly went to his casino host and bitched enough about me to get that host to order the guys running the poker tourney to 'make me disappear' for the 'rest of the event.' No, I wasn't 86'd. My offense? Busting the guy's wife with AQ against her KK's. Yeah...that's pretty much what ticked him off. 

So...am I allowed to play at the Beau? I haven't been back since. Haven't even tried. But since I will be here...and since no one has told me I CAN'T play...and since I was welcomed to play the Goldstrike event...with the same staff running that event that will be running this event, wouldn't it be safe to assume that I can walk in and plunk down my money and play with the rest of you folks? I would like to think so. Coupled with having played all summer at every casino in Vegas (except Bill's Gambling Hall) without nary an incident...I'm not sure what reason would exist to keep me out. But...nothing that ever happens there surprises me, so I will go there expecting nothing either way.  So yeah..I will be there Thursday, attempting to play the nightly. If I am there, and you are there, please do not order and/or send me a shot or a drink. Remember? On January 16th I quit drinking in poker...and I have held true to that. And since it is the Beau...and since drinking has had a hand in my past 'issues' there...I will continue to consume cranberry with lime!

Hey! Memo to those 72 people who are currently sitting in my 'Pending Requests' folder on Facebook. There is a reason I haven't 'Confirmed' you yet. When you Friend Requested me...you didn't add a note/message telling me who you are, what you do, why I should approve you. Nothing. And your picture on your profile was probably a dog, a car, your baby, a waterfall, a stack of chips...something that gave me NO IDEA who you are or why I should accept you into my list of cultists. Only reason! And about once every month or two, I will inconvenience myself by typing a very polite message to use...explaining myself...that I will copy/paste to each and every one of these people...and wait for them to respond...at which time I will either IGNORE them for all eternity or simply CONFIRM them as a friend.

So today...I get this message from a guy who (a) has no picture on his profile at all, and a name like a cartoon character (b) sent me a friend request over a month ago (c) has a total of SEVEN friends, all being 'name' poker personalities...which just screams POKER STALKER (d) lists his hobbies as UFC, Ganja, and smuggling (e) is from TEXAS!!!! and (d) sends me a message spazzing out about how I should feel bad now that today's news reported that Amy Winehouse was discovered to NOT have any illegal narcotics in her system when she died. Then goes on to browbeat me for not accepting his friend request. Tells me, ah hell...here is his message>>>>

now you feel dumb winehouse didn't even die from a drug OD, you blog is getting worse than TBC yet you are a bigger toolbag. At least TBC has some balls buddy. Shame I loved your blog for a minute. dude why couldn't you add me, is it too much to add a blog reader?

Yeah...well...I simply responded with this:

Well, given your hostile tone, I'm glad I didn't. First of all, I have currently got 74 pending requests. If someone friend requests me and leaves NO message telling me who they are or how I know them it usually just sits there until one day I send them a message politely asking how I know them. If anyone requests and tells me they read my blog I always accept. You obviously did not do that. And FTR? Being compared to what's his face and being called a toolbag? Yeah? Why would I want you on my friends list?

Bout the only thing I have in common with this guy? We are both born in February. Yeah...see this whole poker blogging thing? It's a whacky ride on the 'Agitator' once in awhile. For those thinking about creating a blog and becoming really super BLOG FAMOUS!!!??? (yes I am chuckling while writing this) I would reconsider this future goal.

Wondering what's going on with The Mighty Chad Burns? Yeah...aren't we all. Quick update. After Anthony Howe torched me on his blog...Chad saw an opening...a shot at an alliance! To which he quickly responded by sending a Facebook message to Anthony. Which...after Anthony and I mended our fences, granted...I really didn't have a problem with Anthony to start with (not personally anyway) he turned right around and shared Chad's attempt at befriending him with me.

Anthony Howe 

Listen man, attacking this stupid mother named Poker Monkey is simply a waste of time...he's the lowest form of human life that I've ever come across...this idiot is 44 years old but acts as if he is 12! So fucking sad and i can only hope that he follows your advice and blows his fucking brains out!! I will literally celebrate the death of this moron when he leaves this planet...he doesn't deserve to breathe the same air that you and i do! I have no more time to spend talking about this dumbass, I've got money to make on this beautiful Monday morning...take care bro

Chad Burns

How did I react to this? I think I smiled and clicked on REPLY...then just typed "A pretty standard response from the Orange Troll." and hit send. Anthony claims to have no room in his 'Friend Den' for Mr. Burns. On a side note...here is how sick I can be sometimes. If it wasn't for all the loving people in my life...I mean, literally, if I were ALL ALONE in the world...just to fuck with this guy, I would blow my brains out. But this is only if I knew that I would become a ghost. I think the whole 'ghost thing' is still up for debate, right? But if I knew I could 'haunt' him? Oh...I would so kill myself...just so I could come and scare the shit out of him for the rest of his life.  ;)

Later I got a fun message from another friend/blog reader involving the Oompa Looompa from Spring, Texas...this one courtesy of a Twitter post and involving Jennicide...who also goes by the 'human name' of Jennifer Leigh.

hey will...was tooling around TWITTER and came across this. Chad Burns to Jennicide(Jennifer Leigh)..."will do, for sure! I'm in Houston btw...if u are ever in town, hit me up...underground games are ridiculous here!!! 281-814-6904" ...was dated august 13th. d.w.

Good stuff. What a balla! Oh...and do I have a problem letting you all see his phone number? Typically, I would say 'yes' but since he has had his little weasel bag friends prank calling me 'for him' I have zero problem with it. Let the prank calls begin!!!!

I have the settings on my Facebook set so that ANYone...and by ANYONE I mean...even the likes of shitbird over there in Spring...can post to my 'Wall.' A few people have suggested I change it. Ah hell, why? Because of ONE stupid little twerp? Who cares? In fact...its actually funny...I will make a wall post...he will chime in with some of his sociopathic horseshit...and it immediately becomes an 80-100 post thread...with the hammer always being dropped on him from my whole Facebook 'crew.' Why he subjects himself to that I have no idea. It's comical.

And I know...since I discovered that place where you can create animated movies, with actors who speak in a hilarious (or annoying if you are my wife) monotonal (or monotonistic, whichever one of those words works) voice all throughout the scene, I know I promised an epic movie, which is going to be titled "Purple vs. Orange" and I feel bad that I have yet to come up with this awesome piece of movie-making. Hey...classics take time people. Excellence cannot be rushed!!! I will invest some deep thought into this in the next three days.

Finally...I have yet again issued a challenge to Troll Face. Which...as he did the last time, he ignored. Here is a guy who likes to challenge everyone to 'come to Houston and find me...so I can fuck you up you pussy.' Yes...he issued this threat/challenge to no fewer than 7 people now on my Facebook wall. He has also taken to calling women friends of mine...some in their 20's, some in their 30's, some even in their 50' and 60's...he draws no line...some wonderful names, including that special one no one with any class ever utters to a lady. Yeah...that one that starts with 'C.' Oh...this guy is a real GEM! 

So yeah...anyway, I offered to meet him, at a gym that features a boxing ring...for a 'Fight for Charity.' I would give him half the gate to give to his 'Cause' which I'm sure we can all figure out where that would end up.

My half would probably be split up between a few different causes. One being this kid Jarred Lucius, who I found out had his surgery, it was successful, and he is currently recovering. Now he just needs to pay all his bills and find some money to survive on for the next three months. I would also make another donation to the Red Cross. And this week, I've been doing a lot of YouTubing...as well as watching all of the ESPN features 'E:60'...wow, never watched that show in the past. What a great show! I sent a $50 donation to A.R.M. which stands for Animal Rescue Mission...and is located in South Florida. A guy named Richard Couto started it, and basically risks his life, fighting against big mafia rings down there to stop the torture and murder of horses, for the simple and barbaric act of selling their meat on the black market. 

Watching that feature nearly brought tears to my eyes. I sent the donation, and emailed Richard, thanking him for his courage. He immediately emailed me back the next day. They call him Kuto...and he is one of my new hero's. I'm adding new links to his site...as well as one for the Big Cat rescue farm and the Center for Great Apes...which were both forwarded to me by my newest cousin Michael Dobbins.

Sorry, I got sidetracked. So does anyone think Mr. Burns accepted my offer? I was going to sell tickets on here for $20. We would hold the event in either Biloxi, Shreveport, or New Orleans sometime in the next three months...and while I am in horrendous shape right now (compared to earlier times in my life) I still think I have enough in the tank to entertain the crowd with at least 4 rounds of Chad Burns beatdown...unless of course I was to drop him earlier than that! Nope...no word back from his 'Royal Orangeness.'

So...I guess we will all just sit and be continuously amused by Chad and his 'tough guy from behind the computer' act. Someone has shared with me the ONE place that still allows him to play in Houston...and that he plays there every Friday night almost. The desire to just show up there one Friday night? Verrrrrrry tempting. Very!

I think this blog entry, the first one in over a week, is plenty long enough now. 

Oh, congratulations to the people of Libya...who have finally run that scumbag Moammar (one of about 25 various spellings of his name) Gadhafi out of power. Only took 6 months. Libyan oil is now back on the market...prices on oil and gas should go down even further now. And...once again, the Muslim Brotherhood is about to move into power in yet another Middle Eastern country, hidden under a veil presenting itself as a 'free, democratic' society. Uh huh. Right. What's worse? A ruthless, violent dictator like Gadhafi and Hussein who keeps their multi-factioned masses in check? Or the alternative? 

Either way...I'm not sure we will ever have what we can call 'ALLIES' in the Middle East. The one thing I think this WILL bring about, is a bonding of all those 'new' regimes to act in unison against Israel. I think Israel may be in for major trouble. I think this 'Arab Spring' is about to bring on some pretty life-altering, history-making moments in the next year or two. And next up? Syria. They are probably less than a month before over-throwing their asshole dictator.  Should be fun....

Monkey