Runnin Like a Three-Legged Horse

One thing I hate more than running bad? Is knowing I have created a monster with this blog and have to 'produce' something to keep a bunch of you from emailing and texting me asking for an entry.

Because when I am running ice cold and super unlucky...I don't want to talk to anyone. Or write. I want to just hide.

This trip has thoroughly sucked. I have yet to cash. Anything. Other than a couple of SNG's early. Last night my SNG ended quick when my AA went down to a guy who had a nose (and I'm not being critical here) like a pig and breathed through his nose..so that it was this annoying wheezing sound coming from his face....well, he decides after one guy raised to 150 from 50/100...and I raised to 500, which in most venues would be a bit of an overbet, but not here. Nope, this is the place where people limp for 50, then one guy raises to 650 and everyone calls. And you're left sitting there just scratching your head asking yourself 'what the fuck!!!???'

So yeah he calls with 10-9. He flops trips. Then just to rub it in rivers a 9. Then snorts when turning over is hand. Nice hand. Oink oink.

Before that I was in the 5pm PLO H/L...which started out fantastically. The table was littered with awful players, and they were giving away chips like Halloween candy to kids. I wanted to get excited about my chances to win this tourney...but based on my recent luck, I refused to allow myself the luxury of optimism.

Cue the arrival of 'guy who's name I don't know, but who I traditionally run bad against in every tourney he's at my table.' This guy's dominant feature is his thin face and omnipresent gum in mouth...with his jaws and muscles flexing with each chew of the gum. It always drives me insane. That and he wears glasses that are way too dark. The blinds were up to 150/300. 4 people limp, and in the SB I decided not to raise with A29J. Well he decides to pot it to 2000. The other 4 fold. Interesting. I smooth call. The flop comes 3-9-9. Yahtzee. I decide I'm going to check/raise pot his ass...only he doesn't bet. Dammit. The turn is a Q. I make it 4500. He calls. He has A-Q-4-K. The river? Why not? A queen. I bet 6000. He calls. His trips beat my trips. More shit luck. And now I was shortstack. Cue the music where Pac-Man gets his lunch eaten.....

Speaking of Pac-Man....while playing cash game the other night...I broke my new record of 151k. Smashed it. I am now up to 162k for a top score. Suck it!

So I'm short. I manage to double up. Now I have an outside shot to recover. I pick up AJ2K. I call for 1000. Five others call. Ugh. But the flop comes AhJh2s. Pretty good flop. Checks to me. I pot it...trying to take it down right there. Instead I get a FIVE-WAY all in. You gotta be kidding me. On guy only had AK with no low draw. The other guy decides to chase a bad low draw. And the other guy...the idiot redneck who had no idea what he was doing at the table? He would of course be the eventual winning...of the whole pot...as he was holding 3-4-8-10. Yeah...he needed one card and only one card to win...a five. Why WOULDN'T he river a five? He rakes another huge pot...and I depart. Shaking my head in disgust.

This was my second disgusting, disappointing Omaha bust out in two days. The other night... in the H/L limit version of this tourney...I got down to nearly nothing in Level 5...as we had a over-sized Jethro from Texas A&M who thought it was a game that was only fun when you raised, re-raised and capped the betting on every hand without looking at your hand. Then miraculously winning hand after hand and providing the entire table with enough frustration to destroy a family. But alas, I caught him...and allowed him to hang himself with his blind raising...and was in good shape.

I would cruise all the way til we got down to 4 from the money. Then I got hit by the same disaster that seems to keep occurring in 2011 every time I get close to the money. I run into a case of OMRG this time. For those of you still out of the loop...this is "Old Man Run Good' time, when Quivering Quincy and his lack of Omaha H/L skill make zero difference in the outcome. Because as long as he has ONE pair...and I have a great hand and flop four to the nuts on either the high hand, the low hand...or BOTH...which happened twice out of the three hands I got involved in with Shivering Sammy.

But my pre-flop raises...called, flop bets...called....were all for naught, as on three consecutive hands my awesome dealers did me dirty by throwing 6 bricks in a row through my front window...and ended my tourney 2 from the money. Could I have sat back and played no hands and cashed? Sure. But cashing meant $310 on a $245 buy in. Sorry...but I wasn't there to 'cash' I was there to 'win.' And I wasn't about to start folding AA2Q, A3QQ, and AK34 just because we were close to the money.

After busting that tourney....I return to my hotel in a very, very blue mood. Feeling close to hopeless. Then I see Kai up on the top floor of the hotel, wandering around with his laptop in his hands. I reach the third floor and he is babbling incoherently about his computer not starting. He is plotting tossing it over the side. Then I screw around with it, get it to start...get him connected to the internet...and everything seems fine. 

Nope. Not fine. This is when Kai starts punching his screen. Hmmm...that can't be good for the computer. I wouldn't think.

This is what a computer looks like after you decide to punch the screen a few times. The one good thing about Kai's tirade is it was working to get my mind off of my tourney bubble. Which was badly needed. Oh God...then he decides to take it up a notch!

Yes. That is Kai...picking up his laptop and swinging it at the wooden chair the hotel has sitting here at the desk. Once, twice...then three times he was smashing this thing against the chair. Kai had clearly lost his patience with this thing. He starts discussing a final burial for his 'Gateway From Hell' and I suggest an Osama bin Laden like burial at sea for his little electronic terrorist. This met with Kai's approval.

And here...for your entertainment...is the burial of the demonically possessed Gateway laptop computer. Enjoy!

The rumors you have all been hearing about the temperature in the tent at Bossier City is not just a rumor. Between the hours of noon and 7pm it is miserable. A few of us had taken to turning the slats in the vents so that the air would blow down...and maybe to the side towards our table. Instead of blowing straight up to the top of the tent. 

Then two days ago...at the start of the tourney...someone came on the microphone and makes this announcement.  "Players, the Captain of the Boat (which is funny in itself...the boat that never sails anywhere) has adjusted the air conditioning units to finally solve the problem of the temperature in the tent. We ask that no one touch the vents on the air conditioners...and everything will be fine." My optimism on this subject, along with everyone else...vanished after less than an hour. His 'adjusting' consisted of turning all the vents in the same position.

So...yeah, nothing changed. And everyone is saying the same thing about it. Playing poker, especially 10-handed, with a bunch of over weight sweaty men....in a tent that is between 80-90 degrees...is absolute misery. 

The other major issue, is that SNG's are not getting off with any kind of consistency. Most WSOP events you go to...there are ALWAYS SNG's going off, left and right. And I would say that 75% of us who do this for a living, when we are running bad in tourneys...we always know we can fall back and getting our buy ins back by playing SNG's to recoup our losses. Well here...the real value is in the $180's. But everyone here wants to play $45 or $65 SNG's...which are a joke and pay very little for winning. It makes no sense, no one has money to play SNG's...but when they play in the tourneys that are $355, $555, $1000...they treat their chips like they are Pez...or Tic Tacs....with no value on them what so ever. It makes no sense.

So the SNG coordinator is forced to figure out where he is going to put his two available dealers that he has for SNG's...and more times than naught, it ends up being in a $65 SNG. Bottom line...there aren't enough dealers. And their aren't enough tourney regulars who understand the value in playing higher buy in SNG's. In a week of being here, I have played less than 10 SNG's...which is totally unheard of for me at a circuit event, unless of course, I am getting deep in every nooner that I am playing...which has NOT been the case at this event. 

Kai got here on Monday...and was ready to pick up and leave just two days after getting here. He hates the heat in the tent. He hates the players. And I guess he had some altercation with one of the house dealers while playing cash game. Something about a dealer, who when the topic of religion came up...she professed to being Baptist or something...and then saying the only religions she 'hated' were Mormons and Catholics...which I believe Kai might be. Kai took offense, requested a floor person. And the floor person couldn't understand why Kai was upset. Upset that a dealer was bashing on religion of other folks...PLAYERS...at the table she was dealing at. Sometimes...there is no solution for sheer ignorance. 

My good friend...uh...in the interest of protecting his privacy we shall call him 'Tommy Boy' is on the tear from hell. Oh...not himself. No-no...he is running about as shitty as I am, and we have been joking about it every day. Not joking in a ha-ha-ha I hate money kind of way, mind you. More like a 'how the fu** can I play so good, get it in so ahead every time...and continue to get skull fuc**ed every time?' kind of way. But unlike me, 'Tommy Boy' has been running a little stable of stake horses the past couple of months. John Evans...his kid Zach Evans...and Jennifer Parrish...have all been playing under his banner in the past two events. And the three of them have been kicking ass...making one final table after another. It's unreal. So...I am happy for 'Tommy Boy' who can smile despite his own personal misery at the tables!

You guys ready for some scandal? Or should I save it for my next entry? Probably should. Today is a Mega satellite for the Main that starts Saturday. That starts at 5pm. Oh wait, check that...its a mega into tomorrow's $1k. Maybe the Main starts on Sunday. I can't remember. But I know there is only a couple more events to play. And there is a $300 mega coming up to get into the $1600 Main Event. I have a feeling if I get into that, I am going to run good and get deep, and maybe Final Table. I have to. My life demands it! I might as well just win it. I think my backer is about to hand me a blindfold and cigarette and order me to stand against the wall. 

Signing off for now.

Monkey