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Monday, September 5, 2011

Time to Come Out of the Cave!

Oh...hi, how magical! Blogger has presented us with a new interface today. I hope this doesn't end up being a stressful experience. Ahh, well I already see it has an effective spell check. That's a definite 'plus' for sure.

Yeah...its almost Monday, Labor Day...which I discovered I needed to Google today to figure out what exactly the point of this holiday is. To most of us...its when you ladies are no longer allowed to wear white. 

Okay...so some can actually pull that off. SOME.


To us fellas, and a number of sexy women...it signals the start of football season.

Wow! Okay Houston...I give ya one back in the 'WIN' column!


But officially, it was a holiday created to honor the worker's unions of this once proud nation of blue collar bad asses. Now, its pretty much just another excuse for a 3-day weekend. Oh, and when I was kid...we would all start back to school after Labor Day. Now days though...it seems like they are heading back in the middle of August! Why? Who started THAT and why? If I were kids...I organize mass riots to protest that shit.

I haven't blogged since my blast against Johnny Grooms at the Beau. Why? Been too busy playing Ms. PacMan, getting my car fixed (the body this time), working out at the gym, playing Iron Man on XBox360, goofing off with my dogs and getting smacked around by my wife. If anyone has the number for the battered husband's shelter, hook a Monkey up. 

My father-in-law Sonny is here visiting us...and playing poker at the Beau. He started his trip with some shitty luck...going out within 2 spots, and then 4 of winning a seat in the Main Event in one of the Megas. Ouch. Then had a handful of Monkey-esque SNG bubbles. I think he was about to go home...then went back for one more hurrah, and got 2nd in the nightly two nights ago. Then last night he wins a $225 SnG with a nice last longer...then books a big profit in the 2/5 game. Guess he's in a lot better mood now.



So with Sonny staying here, I've been getting all kinds of little morsels of info from not just him...but others as well. So it's safe to say I'm acutely aware of what's going on down there at Weasel Central. First of all...on a positive note, I would like to congratulate a few of my friends for some recent success.

Will 'The Thrill' Failla, a buddy of mine from NY...just won the Legends of Poker WPT event in LA two nights ago for about $800k. Awesome. I've known Will now for about 6 or 7 years...and while he's always been respected as a player, this is by far his best year ever.



Two of my friends...last time I checked...were down to 23 up at Win Star in Oklahoma...Dwyte 'The Duke' Pilgrim, who most of you know by now...and Michael Sanders. Ah just checked...they stopped with 20 left. I think about $650k for first in THAT one. Sweet! So good luck to them! And today is Duke's birthday.

A good buddy of mine, BJ McBrayer...has a real good friend...who is a decent 'acquaintence' of mine as well... Chip Ervin from Tuscaloosa, and he just won the $1k at the Beau for a nice chunk 'o change! Good guy, good score. Sweet!


SAILBOAT!!! Hey! I got one of those!!!!


Another guy I see a lot out on the circuit, Phillip Wells from Indiana...just played the Denny Crum Tournament up there in Louisville...and in the Main Event...took down 2nd place for 21k. WTG Phil!!!

A couple of friends of me and Squirrel's (Squirrel and I's?)...John and Bev...are down here playing these events, and John brought his son Zach...a real nice kid who I've known for about 7 years now. Well, Zach took down 2nd in one of the events there the other night...then turned around and final tabled something else right after that. Meanwhile, John final tabled something as well. So...the hits just keep coming for a lot of awesome people this fall. First it was Diaz crushing Vegas...while a lot of others we know cashed in the Main Event...then Tunica...same thing, and I've just been sitting on the sidelines watching with a bit of envy. But not too much! What comes around goes around. I can be happy for people who are out there running good, because when I'm running good, they are usually there to congratulate me as well.

And I guess for Cheryl's Dad to finish up his visit with us in a strong way...you couldn't ask for too much more for everyone I know. I found out today that they got 179 in the $3k Main at the Beau. That is slightly more than we had last year at this time....when I had one of my best results ever. Yes...memories. 

So...for anyone I know who I either like or respect...good luck in this year's event. For those I can't stand...I hope you bubble with aces!

On to a little negative bullshit. (what most of you have likely been waiting for!)

It's football season. Bama kicked ass like they were supposed to do. Auburn pulled a win right out of their ass...like they seem to always do...against mighty Utah State. Two games were CALLED in the 3rd quarter due to weather. In my 44 years of living, I'd never seen that happen, ONCE. Twice in the same weekend? Wow. My Washington Huskies nearly lost to a Div 1-AA team...Eastern Washington...before getting a lucky INT in the end zone with :29 left to escape with a 3-pt win. Granted, they ARE the defending 1-AA champions...still.  

And the only thing I can think about is how annoying it is that the idiots that sit in the studio and in the press box still insist on using that worn out phrase:  "These guys are just some old fashioned SMASH MOUTH type of players!" "They don't have their passer back from last year...so its going to have to be a lot of SMASH MOUTH football for them this year!"

 






 


SMASH MOUTH....please....go die!

Nearly as stupid...and annoying, and tired...is the 'ritual' that occurs at the end of EVERY...and I mean E-V-E-R-Y 3rd quarter of football in America...NFL, wait...as a matter of fact...I do NOT think they do it in the NFL...thank effing god! But college, junior college, high school, junior high, pee wee...you can't get away from it. All the players...on both sides of the field...oh! And their fans...because you KNOW they will be busting THEIR asses in the 4th quarter....all collectively hold 4 fingers aloft...to salute, what?

Yeah...that's Bama...just to prove how unbiased I am, I'm using this guy as my example. Sure, he's the strength coach, but he's still a ginger kid, and still looks like a fool. Notice no one else is doing it?

Okay! We get it! Yeahhhhh the 4th quarter is starting. 15 minutes left to 'bring home a win!' FOUR FOUR FOUR. Hey! Assclowns! We get it! We got it 5 years ago or whenever that first team thought it up and did it...and it was cool, because it was original. Oh...but then it had to 'catch on' and every asshole around the country had to start doing it...until finally, it was just STUPID. And annoying! You're both doing it! One of you is going to lose. All I ask is...mix it up, change it around...reinvent the damn thing. Or just stop doing it. Its fucking gay. 

Almost as gay....is that ridiculous new song they all want to sing...not sure what its called...but there is a lot of 'Ohhhhh ohhhh oh oh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' ing. Hell, I might as well do a Top Ten List of stupid annoying fucking things you see and hear while watching a football game. That chant they do at FSU games and Braves games? 

Okay. One exception. If you are this girl...you can tomahawk all you want. Hell...she can pretty much do whatever she wants if she's seated in my section. Ohhhhh Ohh Ohhhh Oohhhhhhh!!!!

Ugh. Monotonous and just makes you want to chop someone's head off. I got 'cher tomahawk chop, fucker.


And....reaching for chainsaw....bzzzz bzzzz bzzzzzz.....


This is the closest I want to get to something resembling a tomahawk. Damn...that looks good!
    
And...do NOT even get me started on the absolute fucktards who decide its a cool ass idea to paint their whole face...and in some cases their bodies. You know when this is cool? Never! That first 10 minutes after its done...and everyone has taken their pictures of you? That is when its time to go back in the bathroom and take the shit OFF your face. Do NOT ever try to go to a game with me in face paint. I will let you in the car...then on the way to the game...in a very remote place,  I will stop, push you from the car, and leave you there. Don't do it. You're just a moron.

BODY PAINT, very, very ACCEPTABLE
Furthermore...now that you got me going on this...after ten minutes, your face begins to itch. But you can't scratch it. How do I know this? Duh! I've worn face paint...FOR HALLOWEEN! Then you go to the game...and there are those awkward glances from people. Especially hot women...who give you that....'wow, what a fucking dork' look. Which you probably confuse for 'wow that girl was checking me out!' Wrong, spaz! But oh! The worst part? Is when you are....hold on! I know you have seen this tool! And he is almost always pictured by himself during that late night game on ESPN...when his team is trailing by 4 touchdowns in the 3rd quarter...and there he is! Sitting there, with that mopey look on his face...and his stupid face paint, while his team is getting killed!

I see those guys, and for the first time probably in that game, I have something to smile about. And then I giggle. And then I just start laughing...as I imagine this schmuck as he leaves the stadium. His friends have already abandoned him out of embarrassment. Think this ass-hat will ever paint his face again? We should hope not!


Yeah...you guys look AWESOME!!!


Okay. So...a few people were nice enough to call me, to inform me that on one of these past nights at the Beau Rivage...Eric Comer...who has the position of Tournament Supervisor, was off the clock...in a bar at the Beau, and hammered. And when my name came up, he decided to start talking a whole lot of shit about me. Sweet! Atta boy Eric! Way to keep it professional. To Johnny's credit, whatever I feel about him personally, he does manage to 'somewhat' take the high road for the most part, giving people very specially prepared 5 to 11-word statements whenever someone asks him a question like "why won't you let Monkey play here." He is likely towing the company, corporate line...making sure not to create any 'situations' that may prove problematic down the road.  Eric on the other hand...is just kind of a trainwreck. These people who told me what he was saying? I didn't even ask them to get into specifics. Don't even care. Eric is that insignificant.

 

Here is a cute photo that one of my Facebook friends manage to throw together when I announced that I was giving some thought to coming up with a T-shirt...a shirt that I would have made, at my cost, and sold at some local poker tourneys, for the cost I paid for them. And yes...the theme would be along the lines of "Take the Weasels Out of Poker....Donkeys are bad enough!"  Actually thought about opening a little 'Create the Phrase' contest. When asking on a post who I would go to about getting T-shirts made...I literally had 7 offers within ten minutes. WOW! And half of them promised to do them for just a little above cost. Sweet.


Here is a fun little video from back in the 1980's...the introduction of 'The Weasel Suit!'  Enjoy!!!


But then...I don't know, my level of motivation to get Weasel 1 and Weasel 2 run from the Beau has waned somewhat in the past week. Oh, don't confuse me for getting soft. That's not the case. I still think they both suck...and run a lousy tournament. And oh, hey...yeah...to the guy who sent me that comment on here? The 'anonymous' one? Look, it really wasn't that bad. But why can't you just sign your name to it? Some of what you said was alright. But then you had to go and kill it with your line of.... "your massive ego" blah blah blah....

Dude. Really? Massive ego? You apparently have NO IDEA what you are talking about. You clearly know NOTHING about me, other than what you've been told, or what you have just deduced from one or two encounters. It is people like you...ugh...that make me sick. Growing up...it was 'you are really cocky!' That phrase being uttered by someone who'd known me for maybe 14 minutes. Let's break this down:

I have a little over 100k in debt. I have a cholesterol count so high I can't get a reasonable life insurance policy. I play a game that has me constantly teetering on the brink of insanity. I'm actually ON meds to keep me from losing my mind. I hate how I look, why? Because I'm too lazy to go to the gym as much as I need to. I have dealt with insecurity my whole life...either because I was getting pounded on by my asshole step Dad, because I didn't make varsity, because I wasn't invited to that 'certain' party. You know how I dealt with it? By masking all that insecurity with the one weapon that any motivational speaker will start you out with. WALKING WITH CONFIDENCE. Showing a positive, glowing representation of yourself. When I read that line in your comment...."you're massive ego" I just started laughing. You have no fucking idea who you are talking about. 

I am getting so sick and tired of almost every damn human being I encounter. I read all these comment boards on news stories...and it just boggles my mind how fucking ignorant and ill-informed people are. Then there are those who think they know a hell of a lot more about something than they do. In fact, most of the time...they don't have a fucking clue what they are talking about.  I can't stand stupid people. Can't stand to be around them, to read their shit, to hear their shit...ugh...to witness their shit. I wish we could take anyone with an IQ under 90 and just put them in a capsule and fire them off into space...and hope they land on another planet...where everyone has an IQ of 50 or lower...so they can actually spend the rest of their life being 'smart.' Fucking idiots!

My high score on Ms. PacMan is now 141,700. I dare anyone to break that. Screenshot required. Send to ThePokerMonkey1@aol.com

Read a story today that made me smile. An immigrant from Mexico...who used to be a cattle farmer...now dabbles in farming...rescued two dogs from a canal...by lasso'ing them. The couple who owned the dogs were ecstatic. 

The weather this week has been great. My backyard...devoid of water for so many days and weeks now...is now underwater. Gave some thought to putting a harness on Jasper today and having him pull me around the lake on an ironing board. 

I have now completed my 4th of 5 fantasy drafts. I do believe I will be dominating a few of my leagues this year. That IS me being cocky. But winning my league will NOT inflate my ego. Promise. I will, however...dance naked in the street...as always.

My movie queue on Netflix has in the last 3 weeks gone from 122 movies down to 82. Yes, I have been watching some movies. Allie Prescott, on the other hand...called me yesterday from South Florida...where he has finally secured a place (not called The Westin) to live. He claims to have done nothing this month but lay on the couch and catch up on every single TV show he has ever been a fan of...all while waiting for his adderal prescription to be filled...because he finds going to play cash game in South Florida impossible without adderal because he claims that he may end up either killing someone...or himself. I've been there (South Florida)...I understand that statement.


SEASON 8....ENTOURAGE

I thought last week's episode of 'Entourage' sucked. But then...as if they could read my mind...they come out with tonight's episode, which totally kicked ass. I am devastated that next week is the final episode of the series. No more. None. Ever. WTF? Just when they finally got rid of all the skanks and bitches and the show was really starting to get good...and its about to be over??? That really sucks!

Poker? Oh yeah. I do intend to still play poker! Starting this week. I have decided to go to Bossier City...which is across the river from Shreveport. I've just been telling people I'm going to Shreveport...but then their like "Dude...that event is in Bossier City, man!" Oh come on! It's like saying I'm going to Ocean Springs instead of Biloxi. I am heading up on Wednesday night...found a pretty cheap 14 day reservation at Days Inn up there...where I will be rooming with either Kai Landry or Don Norman. I intend to play every event. And I intend to kick some ass. I also expect to be freaked out by some of the play I witness, as I expect to see lots of Louisiana Swamp Monsters who have crawled up out of their holes to come giggle and chuckle there way to numerous suckouts and bad beats.


CLICK HERE FOR EVENT LINEUP AND STRUCTURES!!!!

I am mentally ready for that challenge. I have basically had a month and a half off to gather my thoughts, and get dialed in to what I need to do this fall. Last year...I had a lot of close calls, a lot of 'almosts' that just frustrated the hell out of me. Then...it all turned around...and my September/October were the best two months of my poker life. Well, this year has gone pretty similar to last year. With even MORE close calls and shoulda coulda's tossed in. And now...here we are, in September...and here comes a great event, the first WSOP circuit event of the season...in a first-time venue, which should draw great. Killer structures. What more could you ask for? Just some run-good please! And I can't expect this fall to be as good as last fall...but just a nice little 5-figure score would go a long way to bring some peace to my life right now!

So...time to end this entry. That's about long enough I think. Wanted to bang one out before I hit the road for Shreveport. So....I will see a bunch of you up there! A lot of you, I know, are going to Borgata, and YES...I wanted to go to Borgata...but travel costs, lodging, buy ins...it just made a lot more sense to stay close to home and drive to the event. But if I run good at this event...I can still make it to A.C. for their Main Event up there...where I got 63rd for $9k last year...and where I'm sure they will draw over 1,000 players once again. Its a great event. I hope I'm able to play it.

Talk to y'all soon!

MONKEY

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sympathize with you being abused as a kid, it's more common than you think. Your cholesterol levels can be adjusted with whole grains, veggies, zero fried foods, and exercise, without meds.
Your 100k debt can be eliminated by a strict budget and a decent tourney win. It's also possible to walk with confidence, project a glowing positive representation of yourself WITHOUT projecting arrogance and a "know it all" attitude when speaking to strangers/slight aquaintances. Public perception can be a bitch. Be kind/friendly to your fellow man and the trolls will vanish.
Mostly, be like Squirrel.
GL@ the Shoe show in Bossier City.
Heard that Johnny and Eric are moke like Gerbils,than Weasels,you know,the furry creatures that fags like to insert each others in ass.
Just publish the part of this comment about Johnny and Eric.

Jerry, a swamp donkey from Baton Rouge.

Anonymous said...

The WSOP-C event @ the Horseshoe in Bossier City,La. should have a bunch of Texas players; maybe Chad Burns? Prob not, because he reads your blog.
If you have an opportunity for face to face confrontation with that little turd; take it off property and get someone to video that shit; should be hilarious.

Many of us have relatives with low IQs.
You want to shoot em to another planet? Think before you write that dumb shit, it's close to you as well.
The general public loves to see,hear, and read about controversial fiqures; that's why you have so many hits here, so stop holding back and dish it out; esp. about J & E.
Also, get Kai to make a blog entry again soon, unless he's in confined treatment somewhere.