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Sunday, August 9, 2015

My Astute and Sometimes Entertaining Observations

Lately, I have been spending an inordinate amount of time with Carley at the local water park....oddly named Gulf Islands Water Park. Odd, in that it is nowhere close to an island, in's a good 5 miles away from the Gulf of Mexico itself.

My kid loves the water park. And frankly, so do I. Mainly because in Biloxi, Mississippi, in the dead of summer...there are very few places where I can place myself where I feel comfortable, aside from indoors with the A/C cranking. The water park is one of those places. And seeing Carley smile is my crack. So when she wakes up...and decides she doesn't feel like going to school and hits me with "Water park, Daddy!??" It almost always results in a trip to the water park.

I have done some studying this month. Of people. And kids. I've made some conclusions based on what I've observed. First...and this kind of echoes a post that I just read from Nolan Dalla after his recent nightmare visit to the DMV out in Vegas...the appearance of tattoos on grown adults is at an all time high. Now...if you are some pervert going to the water park by yourself, sans child, this could be a very good thing for a tattoo signals to you the fact that your subject is 18+ and you will likely evade charges of statutory rape. Yippee for you! But for the rest of's just something for us to use to judge the worthiness of certain parents.

Now...I am not one to quickly assess someone based on their choice of body art. However...some make it awfully hard NOT to judge them. Occasionally, you will see some pretty attractive tattoos, ones that were clearly well planned out, and involved a lot of money to complete. Some carry what is a noticeable message, or tribute to someone. I can dig that. While tattoos aren't for me, and you won't find a single one on my body, I don't bemoan or belittle those who have happened upon what they deem a sound reason for adding the ink to the body God gave them. Some 'types' of people have long traditions of adding ink art to their bodies, members of the military, biker gangs, strippers, musicians, and of course...those serving time behind bars. But in this current decade, we have seen a rapid expansion of body art.

When I take a trip to Vegas, the percentage of body art is always higher at some hotels than others. Staying at a place like Venetian or the tend to see a lot less than if you stay at say...the old Riviera, or Golden Nugget, even Treasure Island. Basically, the hotels that charge more, attract less of the tattoo crowd, and the ones who charge find more. Does this signal that 'poorer people' are more attracted to tattoos than 'richer people?' Make your own conclusions. Personally, I see a difference in 'white mamas' and 'minority mamas' while at the water park. The white mamas seem to have less, and the ones they have appear to be of a higher quality, and located in more common places, like the 'tramp stamp' area of the lower back, or the belly area, or back of the neck....with the increasingly more-frequent appearance in the arm and shoulder region. Once you start getting into your white-trashier girls...they start showing up on the thigh...which I deem to be about the un-sexiest place for a tattoo as it gets, aside from smack dab on their face.(or across their breast...which I don't care if it's Kate Upton, it's hideous)

When you turn to the 'minority mamas' it gets a little dicier. There seems to be no place on the body that is off guard. Where some of your nastier 'white mamas' who are likely strippers or the girl friends of meth dealers might also go for this look, it tends to be more of the minority mamas who are fond of tatting up their chest area.( I know, a revisit) I can't remember EVER seeing a gal, black or white...that can pull this off and make it look good. It simply always looks fucking repulsive. Minority mamas also seem not to care about where they place ink....all over the legs, all over the torso, anywhere on their arms...anything goes. And there is seemingly no limit to the amount of ink, either. And instead of pictures, you see a lot of just words...either names of people near and dear to them (or at least at one time) or phrases that mean something to them. Across the top of their breast...up and down the side of their torso, or leg...the shit is everywhere.

The best of course, are the people with tattoos you can tell came while in prison. Crude in appearance, and made from something other than standard ink...those are painful to look at. You wonder how they feel, I mean REALLY feel, about how they look. Do they delusionally (not a word I don't think but I'm using it anyway) walk around thinking those are some kind of badge of honor? I fear they do. Not fear, as in I am afraid of them...but fear as in, it scares me to think there are people who are stupid enough to think they look good.

Okay, enough about tattoos. But yeah, they freak me out...and I'm hoping this is the generation that thought to bring them back and try to make them popular, and that by the time Carley is 18 and older, it will have skipped a generation, HER generation, and I won't see my daughter running around with horrible tattoos all over her little body. Pray, pray pray!!!!

This leads me to kids...and where I think they are headed in life. Based on what I simply sit and observe. You wouldn't think it would be that easy to figure this out, so early in their lives...but I think it is, actually. I watch my polite she is, how she waits patiently in line. How she waits until the bottom of the kiddy slide is clear, before she goes down it...avoiding wiping out some unsuspecting kid at the bottom...and risking injury to that other child and maybe herself. Once at the bottom, she quickly gets up and out of the way of the next kid. She plays with other kids. Bottom wife and I have done a great job so far raising a good kid who is kind and considerate and who other kids like. That makes me SO incredibly proud...and emboldens me to continue giving 100% to make sure I raise a good human being and citizen of this planet.

So I sit and watch these other kids...and to be fair, most of them are pretty similar to Carley, and you see their parents there...and they seem (also) like good people and good parents, and we will usually have some kind of friendly conversation. But have...THOSE kids. The ones who like to cut the line. The ones who like to shove the kids when they feel they are taking too long to go when it's their turn. The ones who think its okay to walk/run back UP the slide, instead of going around like everyone else. That kid who sits at the bottom of the slide...refusing to move. They are everywhere. I call them 'the little shit heads.' Not to their face of myself, and to other 'good' parents occasionally. We will sit and watch them operate...shaking our heads...and wondering where in the hell their parents are?

So the longer I sit and watch these little shit heads, the more I start to rationalize in my head that I can see this kids future. You sometimes wonder, where do kids go wrong? Where do they go from being cute, loveable, innocent children, to being little assholes who are about to blossom into full-fledged losers in life...heading for a career of uncompleted education, of jobs he or she gets fired from, and of stints spent in and out of prison. It's easy to see. And in 99% of  the cases, it starts with the parenting. Carley goes to a pretty good daycare...most of the kids are really great kids and have nice parents. But there are those handful that DON'T. They are little assholes...and in the brief encounters I've had with their parents, it's obvious that their parents are big assholes. Big assholes, raising little's the problem with this country.

So...memo to you parents? Don't be a big asshole raising a little asshole, please! Teach them manners! Hold them to it! Be involved enough in their lives to know what is going on with them. You are the absolute KEY to their future! Embrace that! Moving on....

My wife just celebrated another birthday...and yes, she shares her birthday with our President...Mr. Obama. Don't hold that against her. I gave her a beautiful diamond bracelet for her birthday...which I was pretty proud of. But then Carley decided to upstage me...and gave her mother a gift which I was never going to be able to top. Thanks Carley!

Cable news networks are driving me more and more insane. Is there back-to-back talking heads that are any more annoying than Gretchen Carlson followed by Shephard Smith? Then over on CNN you get that one-two punch to the face from the idiotic tandem of  Carol Costello and Ashleigh Banfield. Yeah yeah, I know what you're do I leave Nancy Grace off my list? Trust me, I don't...but I don't watch news during her time then I've gone into non-tv-watching mode. But yeah...Nancy Grace is the Queen of All Bitches  in the cable news/entertainment industry. get the Facebook discussions that start out as healthy debates and end up in heated conflicts with the two very polarized groups...the FOX-hating liberals who are always quick to accuse the other side of being lemmings being led down the path of that which Fox wants them all to think. It gets to the point where you can't even deal with it anymore.

Is anyone else excited for this first GOP debate on Friday night? (Yes I wrote this a few days ago) I don't think there has EVER been a presidential debate that has been so wildly anticipated as this one. Donald Trump has turned this election into a wild and crazy affair...and I think everyone is beyond curious to see what transpires in this first debate. I know I can't wait !(and for the most delivered, and was the most-watched debate in political history. Thanks Donald!)

Almost as much as I couldn't wait for the latest Ronda Rousey fight. That bitch from Brazil went to great extremes to make herself incredibly unlikeable. Mission accomplished. And as a big Rousey fan...I loved the way she conducted herself leading up to the fight. I mosied on over to Buffalo Wild Wings, refusing to pay $60 for what I assumed would be a fight that lasted less than five minutes. It did. It lasted 34 seconds. I was hoping that Ronda would have tried to stretch out the fight...and systematically destroy this skank...but alas, she didn't. But unlike most of her fights, that seem to end in a painful armbar for he loser, she knocked this bitch out with a punch to the earhole. Night night bitch! Welcome back to obscurity!'s now Sunday...and its like a steam bath outside. It's a good thing the cost of living in Biloxi is SO good, because if it wasn't for that...I'd think I was in hell! Have a nice day.


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