FLAT STANLEY

I left Biloxi on Monday morning...or tried to. Same ol shit at the Gulfport airport. Get there half an hour before my flight. The agents work the ticket counter...then half an hour before the flight, they go to the gate, leaving no one at the ticket counter. Which means...no way to get a boarding pass. Which means...no way to get through security. And those TSA assholes couldn't be ANY LESS helpful if they tried.

I can see my gate, see my plane. All they need to do is walk over there and ask someone to print me a boarding pass. Nope, wont do it. Then the bitch threatens to have me arrested for 'getting loud' with her. Ugh. Please let me win about 5 million this year so I can get in on a lease deal with some other rich businessmen on a plane. PLEASE! Not a lot of things I want. A lease on a jet is one of those things. And a sweet-ass RV to pile 5 of my poker buddies in, my Squirrel, and my new Lil Monkey...and go traveling and playing! That's all a gangsta Monkey is looking for!

So I sleep on the floor for 4 hours, since I was working on two hours of sleep from the night before. Take the 11am flight to Dallas. Get there, and find the gate agents there to be....drumroll....shocking.....VERY NICE, and VERY HELPFUL! huh? Really? Yeah, for real. Direct me to the proper gate, where I go on standby for the next flight in FOUR hours! I get the last seat! Thank god. Get sandwiched in between two guys about my size. SHIT!

Read the rest of my book, "The Traitor". Didn't carry on my other book. Damn. Watch a movie on my laptop..."The Heartbreak Kid"...pretty funny, then the battery goes dead. DAMMIT! Still another hour to kill. Play BrickBreaker on my cell phone...until we have to turn off our electronic devices. DAMMIT. We circle the airport for 45 minutes. COME ON! We finally land. Its raining. I'm so stiff I can barely walk. I had this flight attendant, a bit older. Really pretty, sexy lips, and long beautiful hair. And she was a total BITCH! What a waste. Its time like that, I wish I had the nerve/balls to say..."you know lady, I'm engaged and not interested or anything, but I thought I should tell you...you are really quite hot, and its a damn shame that you have to be such a raging bitch!"

Mom was there to get me. Very happy to see me. We got home around 10. Went to enjoy her FINAL MEAL...a trip to the new Snoqualmie Casino buffet. It was okay. The crab...wow. What a difference between the crab we get on our buffets at the Beau and the crab on the buffets up here. It actually had FLAVOR! I know,weird huh? I don't know why they even MESS with crab down south. its been frozen so many times that by the time it gets there it tastes like.....nothing. This crab was awesome. But I'm afraid the amount I ate may have led to the next 24 hours of misery...as I made approximately 17 trips to the bathroom.

We had to wake up at 5am...FIVE AM...to take her to the hospital. Then we sit around from 5:30am til 7:30am before they took her in. Then I slept on the couch in the waiting room....til 10am when a nurse came out and said everything went great and that she was in recovery. Cool. I got over there to see her around 11. She stayed there for a couple days and now is home. I am now the nurse/house maid/gopher for the next ten days.

I visited the local QFC (grocery chain) last night and got all my local favorites. A dozen pacific oysters, some smoked salmon and 6 bottles of killer pinot noir that you just CANT get in the south. NUTHOUSE Reserve (oregon) ARGYLE Reserve (oregon) Panther Creek (amazing!) two new ones I haven't tried...Left Coast Cellars, and LANGE ...all of these are from Willamette Valley in Oregon. They really grow super pinot noir there. I'm just curious...how many of you reading this give a rats ass about my wine fetish?

I have been playing those $104 Double or Nothing 10-handed SNGs...played 14 in the last two days and won 11 of them. I think it was Mark Wilds who approached me early in the event at the Beau Rivage and told me he saw something in Atlanta on the news about not being able to get money off of Pokerstars after January 14th. Wow, I checked into it and didn't find anything like that. Sure hope its not true...if it is, I am screwed. Cuz this is the most money I have had on Stars in a couple years.

Not sure exactly why I am not cashing out some of it. I guess I am a retard. Speaking of Pokerstars. I log on yesterday, and there is this thing called the POKER MONKEY promotion!??? WHAT!??? I finally made it big!??? Nope. Anyone with kids knows about FLAT STANLEY. That thing your kid brings home (I only know of this because of Cheryl's nephews BTW) that you take to strange, crazy places, and take a picture with...and the kid takes it to class to impress everyone.

Well, this is the same concept. You take this damn Monkey (which you have to buy for 1000 FPPS from the store, which of course I did) and take pictures of it in strange places and email the photo to Stars' support. I am already working on this. Crazy ideas is how I roll! I can already promise a picture of the Monkey getting a lapdance at the Rhino from Cherokee.

I hope to see him posing with a large chip stack and two winning cards at a final table. I picture him slinging poo at the tigers at the Mirage. A picture of him smoking a bowl outside of Venetian. Oh the ideas are flowing....that Monkey will be with me everywhere I go. I WILL WIN THAT DAMN CONTEST! I have to! I AM the MONKEY! All ideas are welcome!!!!
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