I CANNOT make this UP!!!!

Remember when Shaggy and Scoob would run around and around...trying to escape the scary monster...and it was really just that creepy Inn keeper wearing a mask?

Thats how I feel right now.

Remember in the Twilight Zone when dude looks out his window and there is that scary skinny freak sittin on the wing grinning at him?

I feel like I just played poker against that guy all day.

Once upon a time I sat down and everything I never thought I would see happen....

HAPPENED.

That would be today.

Today is February 28th. It might as well be April 1st. This month is over. Am I glad? Mmmmm...I think so. In fact, sure, we will just go with YES.

Lets share with you some little tidbits from the last day or so...and some gentle observations that have me questioning my role in the universe.

Today...I actually had a GOOD airport/airline experience. I know! Who would have thought, right? First...we both get up on time. I call for a cab. It arrives, ON TIME. We have a cool driver. There is NO traffic. In LA! Its a beautiful sunny day. The guy at curbside check in could NOT have been cooler. The security check line was a bit long and unnecessarily manned by just ONE person...which was odd...but no biggie. We had plenty of time. The cab ride cost half as much as we expected, so the baggage fee didn't sting quite as bad.

I paid $10 for a glass of milk and a yogurt cup with fruit. Too much. We boarded. The plane was a little more than half empty. Joe and I had the Emergency Exit row. Awesome. Not ONE person on the plane was without their own row. And yet...here were these two guys...both at least 225 lbs each...seated next to one another. Joe and I both scratched our heads...scratched again...then just gave up trying to figure it out.

Flying over the Sierra Nevada and San Gabriel Mountains...and LA, and Malibu...I realized just how beautiful California really is.

A little something weird about L.A. During the Mega the other night...I was the ONLY Non-Asian at my table for over two hours. Yeah...me and 7 or 8 Asians. Felt like I was in Macau. Then the next day, Joe and I went to lunch at Panda Express...and again...we were on our own. All Mexicans. All of them. Like over 25 people in there. Then at the airport...same deal. It's like...when I used to visit Miami, I felt like I was in another country. Its now like that in L.A. I don't hate it, its just bizarre.

Two violations in two days...and still a huge pet peeve of mine...when the clerk hands you back your change and puts the loose change on TOP of the dollar bills. Why does this bother me so much? Not sure, but I've had others tell me it bugs them too. Joe tells me I'm being silly. I think its because I am ultra organized. My bills go in my wallet, my change goes in my pocket. Hand them to me seperate please! I regard it as an act of blatant laziness.

This morning on the way to the bathroom I see the hotel bill under the door. My intial reaction is one of feeling dirty. Like...okay, you were great...time to go! Or like at Waffle House, when you have ordered your waffle and maybe some hash browns..and BOOM! She drops the bill? Like...maybe I was thinking about some pie. But now I feel like I'm being pushed out. Again...Joe debates me on this...finding it to be convenient for them to do that. I guess I see both sides to it.

Can anyone tell me why there is a charge to use the safe in your room? Is there some kind of cost to the hotel to maintain the operation of the safe? Seems like a scam to me.

Im curious...why does TNT insist on playing movies back to back? And why do I actually watch them not once...but then again?

********************************************

Today's tourney:  Got to hotel at 10:30am. Room wasn't ready for us. So we played an $80 SNG. Started well. Ended bad. Joe went out 8th. I went out 5th. Down to 2 in the last longer, and guy who looks like he had another person growing out of the left side of his face wouldn't chop the last longer with me. Karma was supposed to make that work out. It didnt.

Went over to my starting table for the $340. I fully expected 300 or so for this tourney. Instead? 97. Yeah. 97. Wow.

Discovered a few things right away. The players were bad. Very bad. Like...the kind of bad where you can't believe you are seeing what you are seeing. And as I am trying hard not to belittle and berate anymore, it took everything within my soul to avoid doing just that. So I merely sat there smiling inside. And getting that deep, sickening feeling you get when you know its going to take a miracle to win. No matter how well you play, its not going to matter. Because they will keep on getting it in bad, and you will keep on getting outdrawn.

I was right. I managed to get my 8k starting stack up to about 16k. Then the fun would start. I would raise with AQ suited. Short'ish stack shoves with A10. I call. Flops a 10, it holds. Sigh. I would raise with AK. Shortstack moves all in with A6. He makes a straight. Short stack goes all in for 8 BB's. SB calls. Yeah, just calls. There was a lot of that going on. I get AQ suited again...and I iso-raise all in. SB folds. All-in guy has A5. Flops 5-3-3. Yeah, it holds. Then I win some back...survive a while longer...

Then it happened. The calamity. All day long there was this ...well, we shall call it Clown's Corner. I was in the 1 seat, and in the 3 seat there was the 'Young Clown' and in the 4 seat, the 'Old Clown.' He's a guy I used to play with a lot. And when he saw me earlier he was feigning excitement to see me. But by midday he had taken to uttering his favorite line..."how much are lessons?" No matter what I said...he retorted with "how much are lessons?" Hey dealer...I can't see down there...whats the raise? "How much are lessons?" I would have called you there but I have a feeling I only had one live card. "How much are lessons?"

Okay pal, we get it. You're an idiot. And the young clown was worse. He was the guy who has played maybe 5 tourneys in his life...but he is acting like he is Phil Ivey. He knows all the rules. And he wants to show us...over and over. It started in level 5. I am joking around with the dealer, who I know real well. He has failed to help me on any of my hands up til then, and I get JJ...and say to him "okay man, here's another good hand you can fuck up for me!" and I raise.

Old clown sits there staring coldly...then blurts out "I'm thinking of asking for a penalty for him swearing." Huh? The dealer asks him why. He seems to think I was abusing the dealer. Then the guy, Young Clown, next to him chimes in..."well you sure must have thicker skin than I do!" The dealer tells them both..."Hey guys, he wasn't using it offensively, there is no problem." Ridiculous. I do end up winning that hand actually.

Then the shit hits the fan. I am in the BB at 600/1200 and 12,700 chips. The button raises to 5000. I look down at 66. Damn. Sticky situation. The guy on the button has played pretty much quality hands all day. Pretty sure he isnt 'stealing' but I'm also pretty sure I am running out of time to chip up. And in the 1.5 minutes that I was using to think this out and see where I was in chips, the dealer...who I have never seen before, suddenly looks at me and, no shit....says "You know, you're going to have to do something here. He just raised you, and I'm not sure how long its been but its been quite a while."

WTF? I just looked at him...kind of in shock. I asked him if he was going to put me on the clock himself. Jokingly. To which he responds..."well, I mean...is this like the Final Table or something?" WOW! So now, not only is he ignorant...but now he's a smartass too? Incredible. I call the floor over. He comes. I explain what is going on. And now...at THIS point, that asshole in seat 3 decides to call clock. You gotta be kidding me.

Floor asks how long I've had to act on my hand...and the 10 seat tells him "about two minutes." The floor asks the dealer if he said what I just said he did...and he admits to it! Now the floor guy was in shock. If I hadn't been so pissed, it would have been hilarious...so instead, I was just kind of...I don't know...stupidfied.

At this point I was just ready to either double up or go. I called. He had AJ. He flopped an Ace. And it held. And I was out...in 27th place. As I was leaving, the dealer was being replaced by another dealer. I went to a nearby empty table to chill out. Then the floor guy came over to apologize profusely, which I appreciated. He explained that the guy was brand new and had no idea what he was doing. Great.

Then it got good.

I go sit at a table, not all that upset. The guy who beat me came over to shake my hand, very classy. I was cool with it. The whole dealer thing was just weird. The idiot in Seat 3 was just annoying...and while I am watching the table from 50 feet away...I see the guy in the 10 seat, who had been defending me, and the retard in seat 3 almost come to blows. The floor came over, as did security, and they both recieved a penalty. During the penalty, they almost threw down again. But security arrived again. Wow. I left a bit later...went upstairs and took a nap.

When I went back down with Joe to find food I saw the guy from Seat 10 at the Final Table. His name is Mike, hes from the Sacramento area...a good guy I met out here 2 or 3 years ago. No sight of the other idiot. Stunning.

We ate at Johnny Rockets. Bad experience. Stupid waitress, subpar food, milkshake that sat on top of the heat lamp for 5 minutes and turned into a glass of milk. Nothing like a waitress destroying your hopes and dreams of a good meal.

Back at it tomorrow. Hope someone shows up to play.

Monkey