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Friday, August 2, 2013

Reporting in from Tornado Central!

I know. My absence has been mysterious. Right? Usually when I'm at a circuit event I give you all kinds of updates, funny stories, even pictures to make you wish you were here! (or weren't!) Well, I can only explain my lack of 'reporting' as being a case of 'tell 'em as little as possible to keep 'em thinking the best.'

It's been anything BUT. No, in decision to play this event on my own dime, was both STUPID and SMART. Stupid, in that I've put a large dent in my disposable income on this trip. It's literally been the WORST circuit event I've had in 8 years of doing this for a living. If I had been reporting on a daily basis, you would have just seen an AVALANCHE of the nastiest, most unbelievable shit you've ever seen me talk about. To the point it might not even be believable. Sometimes, if I choose instead not to write about those 'runs' I hope they will just vanish from my memory. True...sometimes it helps ease the pain and suffering to talk about it. Not in this case. The best thing for me to do was retreat to my room, swallow an attivan, and slip off into a 9 hour coma. that any hopes of getting future backing would likely have been dealt a severe blow had a sold a package for this the buy ins and bankroll would have long since been depleted. Causing some, if not most, of those investors...who have gotten rather used to 'MAKING' money off of me, to reconsider any future ventures with Poker Monkey, Inc! At least this way, no one lost but ME. And....well, this little trip is not quite over, yet!

My next trip...and most likely LAST trip...for quite possibly the rest of the year....comes in a couple weeks when I travel to South Florida to play that huge Hard Rock event. I'm sure my wife will try everything in her power to get me to skip it. But I've already paid for my hotel with a buddy. And those fields will be gigantic. And I fully intend to sell a package for that event. Unless....UNLESS...I get all the hands to FINALLY hold up...and can prevent all the horrendous suckouts....long enough to final table this Main which case...I might just go down there and play (again) on my own search of that down payment on a house in Biloxi for us.

So yeah...this trip has.....S-U-C-K-E-D!!!! I have literally bricked EVERY SINGLE tourney, EVERY SINGLE SNG (four all on the same day) and EVERY SINGLE MEGA.  Where I haven't been losing...which is pretty opposite of how I usually run while at a in the cash room. More on that in a bit.

In the first big event on Saturday....I bought in only once (thankfully) and was eliminated in Level 14. Close enough to smell the money...but not taste it. I have gotten deep in just about everything I've played. But haven't cashed. In the 5pm Mega three nights ago...paying 10 seats...I busted 11th. Getting low on chips, I shipped A9d on the button, was called by Q10, and lost to a ten. hurt. The following the 7pm nightly....with 5 getting paid....and 6 remaining...I moved all in with A10...was called by AJ...and lost to a jack. Two nights in a row..the stone cold bubble. Then the NEXT night...again in the mega....paying 11 seats...I busted 17th. Out of 135 players. AQ vs. 1010. 

One of the big quirks to this event? Rebuys....or, more accurately, you get to again and again and the rake and registration fees...for EIGHT levels. It really creates a shitty situation for you...because most of these players up here are just maniacs. They have ZERO value on their money at all. They will chase ANYTHING...knowing if they miss they can just go rebuy. Now, what is so asinine about on the week day tourneys here? Where they have struggled just to make their guarantees? You have idiots rebuying 3 or 4 times...not taking into account that they now have to finish about 5th or higher just to break even. Stupid. So if you get there in Level stand a very real shot at getting wrecked by one of these inevitable episodes. And then what do you do? Give up? Try one more time? It sucks. I'm okay with re-entries, and I get it that the tournament directors are doing everything they can to make the tourney profitable for them. Okay? I get that. But 8 levels? I mean...coming back in after 6 levels is a joke. You are coming in usually with 12 or less BB's. And those players who come in then? They are usually just shoving left and right to get a double up. And what do you do when you have 18k-25k and are looking at 88/99 or AQ/AJ and that guy is shoving his 8-10k into your blinds? It creates a real 'spot' for you to basically just flip a coin on. And when it comes to coin flips this trip? I am running at about a 12.5% success rate.

Not only have I not seen SO many hands lose when ahead preflop on this trip in my OWN hand....I've seen so many OTHER players take the same kick in the face. It's been astonishing. And the propensity for which players will get it in bad is astounding. And the success rate for them is just unfair. Those tardballs have no business getting lucky that often. I watch players who I don't even like, but who are really solid EVERYTHING right to get a shitty player to fold a shitty hand preflop, but who just DONT...and when they 'get there' and eliminate that player I don't like...I still feel like shit for him/her. It sucks. I don't care what ANYONE says about 'oh dude, you can't get upset! You want that guy making that play!' Really? Do I?'m not so sure I do.

Another thing I didn't understand. Saturday's $560 last weekend? 12k starting stack. Huge field. Wednesday's $560? Small field? I mean...tiny field. Starting stack? 10k. Why?  Does that make any sense?

My  biggest pet peeve continues to rear its ugly head in these tournaments. Although, to their credit, Adrian and his other floor supervisor on Wednesday caved to player pressure and finally agreed to lets us play 9-handed. Yeah. My pet peeve. Playing 10-handed. While we are surrounded by an abundance of open/empty tables...while dealers...sometimes five or six of them, sit together at an open table just chit chatting among themselves. This rankles me...and I know it pisses off a majority of the other players. That they keep jacking up the juice on us...which, whatever...what can you say? We keep showing up so we are the idiots if we want to bitch about it. I'm done bitching about the rake. Fuck it. It is what it is. They are charging what they can get away with. Capitalism, I get it. But my major complaint...we are PAYING more...but getting LESS. We don't ask for much in return for our increased fees that are charged to us. We get nothing in the way of comps. Very little in hotel discounts. No food. Really...pretty much nothing. When it comes to rules, some crews are a little more militant than others...some are so bad, we are treated like little children. Its borderline offensive in some places. Choctaw, to its credit, has not been ONE of those places.

All I ask....of ALL tournament directors nationwide..hell, if you DON'T have to seat us 10-handed, and I understand sometimes its unavoidable...when all the tables are jam packed, to the point of needing to go to alternates...then PLEASE let us play nine-handed. I know, I get means you might have to pay out downs to 1 or 2 more dealers. Is saving that tiny amount of money really worth the majority of the players being irritated and uncomfortable? I would hope like hell its not. 

So last night...after busting out of the 5pm Mega...I looked in my wallet, and once was...well, a pretty fair amount when I got here...was now $340. That's it. Shit. There were no sit n gos going off. What should I do? Go pack? Get in my car? And drive home? My baby girl has been missing me so much this trip. She keeps walking into our bedroom in the morning, I'm told, looking for me, and crying when she can't find me. She takes my pillow off the bed...brings it out to the living room and lays her head down on it. We try to Facetime...and when she sees me she gets all upset. Which just makes ME upset. She is growing up so damn fast. And every minute away from her kills me. Which makes going on the road for a week or two weeks...and running bad...DOUBLY BAD. So getting in my car and driving home was looking like a VERY strong option last night. With lots to look forward to on the other side of the drive. 

I wandered up to the cash room. I bought in for $300. And for 4 hours I did nothing but hover around $300. Up down, up down...good run, bad run. Never busting, never getting up too far. Spinning my wheels. Missing my baby. Weighing the options of digging down for another $1620 to buy in directly into the Main on Friday or Saturday. 

Then it happened:

As though it had been ordained by a higher power. Welcome into the scene...the famous...DUFFEY. Yes, that's with an 'e' he was quick to point out. Demanding to be a part of my blog, picture and everything. He must have made reference to my blog over 100 times over the next 5 hours. Well, Duffey is a complete maniac at the 1/2 table. Raising with anything....A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!!! 2-7. Sure. 3-8. You bet. K-4? Of course. Nothing off limits. Playing against a player like this is VERY tricky. And requires you to make the decision to be willing to take some chances if you are going to have ANY success whatsoever against him. Calling a huge bet on the river with bottom pair? Most spots you would never consider it. Against Duffey? It's close to an automatic not-so-hero call on the river.

The Famous Duffey!

I made that conscious decision to loosen the reigns and just go with it. I was winning. And losing some...which always goes with the territory. And everytime he'd give away a huge portion of his stack...he'd quickly get it back playing his carefree kamikaze style of poker. 

Then....HE arrived:

The Unknown Maniac...who should get a 1% sweat of my Main Event!

He didn't share his name. But he too was adamant about 'making this blog that Duffey keeps talking about.' Get my picture man. Put me in there. I wanna see what you say about me. Do it! Okay...unknown player made it. Honestly, how could you NOT make it.

We were greeted by this guy initially, when he claimed to be waiting on an omaha seat to open up. He arrives at our table. Never sits down. Action to him. He's all in dark. For 200. Everyone is like..."Um...huh? Wtf?" Then he starts talking.

"Yo! Someone better call me. I'm just gonna stand here and shove dark every of you gonna be brave and call me or what?"  Typically you look at these people and think..."what an asshole! Guy thinks he's cool...nice $3 pot your picking up dipshit." But...for some reason...this guy was, well...entertaining. And as I would learn the rest of the night...he was no idiot. And was certainly a capable poker player. He just happen to REALLY like to gamble it up. And his fear-o-meter was stuck on ZERO.

He bought in with $200. This is no joke. In less than 20 minutes....he has accumulated over $2000. That stack in the picture? 20 minutes.

Then it began. Joining our table next...was a buddy of his, a guy named Chad. Who was nearly as crazy and reckless...but also a good player. Playing against these kind of players can be very unnerving, as the lady at our table was slowly unraveling as she sat there. She had been an early recipient of a double up with A10 against the guy pictured...but then had it dwindle away as she would call raises then just give up on her hand. 

Chad in the background...crazy whack-job in the foreground

Next to join our table was an absolute whack job. They guy looked a bit like an older Corey Feldman, and I'm positive, 100% certain that he was big into something...almost positive it had to be meth, maybe cocaine. But he was shaking like a leave...leg that never stopped shaking, eyes darting all over the place...incredibly erratic in every sense. He saw what kind of a table we had and decided he HAD to become part of the madness. If only I had thought to get video of him. He too had no problem allowing me to take his picture and talk about him. Dude...if you are reading this? YOU ARE A HOT MESS! HOLY SHIT!

Our table became an absolute shit show for the next three hours. It literally turned into a 10/20 game. If you played any was going to cost a minimum of $20. Fine. I got into a couple of really nice where I had enough chips to bluff Chad into folding 10-10 on a 9-2-2 (two spades) flop when I first re-raised his flop bet from 50 to 150...then shipped all in on the turn (6d) for an amount that had his $550 covered. Had it not been for having that stack...he never folds. I thought better of telling him I had A9...and chose instead to soothe his suffering by telling him I had QQ. I would win another huge pot a little while later with QQ...with Duffey providing the pot on that one. I would flop turn a straight against Slick (is what I've decided to call him) only to lose on the river when he filled up. Luckily he only had 110 on that hand. Had I won, I'd have gone over $2100.

His chips...and others'...had become MY chips.....

Basically...his stack from the time he sat down...and my stack...had flip-flopped. I was thinking about one thing, and one thing ONLY. This is my damn Main event buy in! All those tourneys I bricked. All those megas I bricked? This...this has been my 'Cash Game Mega Satellite' and to stay, will likely result in me getting crushed in some run of bad beats...try chasing it...then losing some more...and leaving wanting to kill myself. Also about this time...and now it was approaching 6am..and I'd already decided to NOT play the Main until Flight 1b on Saturday...our game was beginning to attract a LOT of attention. And here they came....the gunslingers. The guys with super deep pockets. Oh fuck. Now, Its not that I fear those guys. And yeah...the chance to get back my losses for the ENTIRE TRIP definitely presented itself...but the chance to play the Main Event...which will get about 700-800 players...has been provided to me. And why fuck that up?

Captain Seahawk grew tired of the Percy Harvin stole all their chips!

So I finally did what I have failed to do SO MANY TIMES in the past. I gathered up four racks...and filled them all up. Said my goodbyes to the boys...most of whom were trying to get me to stay (of course they were!) and made my way to the counter...cashed out for $1926...and headed to my hotel. Finally...some glimmer of hope on this dreary trip so far. My head is right now. I got a great night of sleep. I got a LOT done today in my room...and I think after I post this, I will go play the 7pm $240 Mega. Who knows? If I win that...I take a couple thousand home with me AND get to take my shot in the Main event. If I lose? Big deal. I am still playing tomorrow. Kind of freeroll I guess.

So...there ya go! Monkey's most non-excellent adventure lives on for at least another day! Sorry I haven't posted this whole trip...but I assume you understand. Hopefully tomorrow or the next day I have something very positive to write about.


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