COUSHATTA COLLAPSE

I am coming to you from the couch.
Monday Morning.
Experiencing Pokerstars Big Sunday Withdrawals.
I am already OVER what happened at COUSHATTA.
Coushatta, a place I fully expect to NEVER return to.

Friday morning arrives. I pump out another blog to you guys...which makes me late for the Main Event, which is FINE, JUST FINE. And it was only 10 minutes late.
I go pay my entry....grrrr...which I hate paying full price for ANYTHING...but do anyway. Then I go to that basket where you get to draw your seat card.
I look down in there and see a TABLE 16, SEAT 7....YEP, that looks like a winner!
SNAG IT!

Get to table, count my 20K in chips and go to work. Had already taken an Aderol, so now I am fully dialed in! Got some sleep the night before, feeling GOOD! Discover right away that my table is AWFUL! I win the first couple hands I am in. Then I get into a hand where I win a HUGE pot when I should have only won a BIG pot.

Here it is. I have A3h. Its a multiple limped pot for $200. I get in there. Flop comes Qh-7h-4c. First guy bets out 400. Folds around to me. Hell yeah, I will call. But I have NOT been hitting flush draws. The next card is a 2d. OH...well, now I have a wheel draw don't I? He bets 1000. Ouch. That hurts. But damn....got a LOT of outs now don't I? He is CLEARLY putting me on the flush draw. And I am quite certain he has Q7. The river is a FOUR! Not a heart.

But completing the wheel. He bets 1000 again. I make the decision to value raise here, making it 2500. Only one problem. I grab the wrong fucking CHIP! I grab a 5000 chip instead of a 500 chip with my two yellow 1k chips. And as I throw it out there I curse myself. Thinking I had just screwed myself out of another 1500. Well, he took my performance as me projecting a false tell...you know, an OVERT overbet to try and get him to fold. He calls. And didn't even wait very long. I show the wheel. "Oh shit, I didn't even see the wheel out there, just had you on the flush draw." WOW! And thank YOU for the extra 4500!!!!

A little after that, a guy who had been at my table most of the day in the previous tourney...raises BIG...five times the BB. And I know this guy ONLY raises with big wired pairs. He literally limps with AK/AQ/ and every pair below JJ. So I know when I look at 99 that I am behind. I tell him "Well, I know you are ahead, and if I don't flop a set I will probably just check out." I flop a SET. He checks! Checks? Huh? Not sure if he is trying to check raise me? Or if maybe he DOES just have AK. Strange.

Well hoping that IS what he has, I check behind. The turn is a Q. I get a little sick to my stomach. Shit. What if he has QQ. I missed a bet and am about to get coolered. He bets $500. I will test the waters here. I raise to $1000. He calls. Hmmmm. Weird. The river is a blank. He checks again! WTF. I grit my teeth and throw 1500 out there. He calls. And shows AA. Whewwww. And another nice pot.

So early in this tourney and I am up around 40K! I am feeling VERY good about my chances in this thing, which attracted around 335 players. Not a bad turnout. And first place was around 85K. Definitely worth the drive up there if I could win. Brandon meanwhile was running over his table. He was up to 44K. But then he would lose half his stack when his KK got trampled by 10-10 on a runner runner straight shitstorm. SO he was starting to lose his mind!

We get a new dealer. I am raising every time I see a pair, or a strong ace. But these clowns give us NO green chips (50). We started at 100/100...and there were NO ANTES until they were 100. So when the blinds are 100/200 and I have a decent hand, but WANT some action...I would like to raise 450 there. Or maybe 525. But having nothing but black chips (100) takes that play COMPLETELY away from you. THAT I hate! Regardless, I am getting action on all my raises, and either missing flops or getting bet OFF the hand. I drop to 33k in ONE level and am starting to get slightly irritated.

THEN IT HAPPENS.

Someone busts the guy in Seat 2. A nice guy. But he ran QQ into AA and had to go meet some friends. Replacing him was a guy with one arm who reminded me of my dead grandfather. A grumpy, old asshole. And yeah...he was missing an arm, which I agree, would put ME in a bad mood. But hey...I didn't take your damn arm! Well, he was a real jerkoff from the time he sat down. And it was a real buzzkill because my whole table was really pretty cool, and we were all having a fun day. 4 hours into the thing and he has to show up and bring his bad attitude.

We had just come out of break and I had called Squirrel and got her voice mail. Odd. So about the time we were back from break she calls. The hand was just ending from the previous hand. I told her 'hey sweetie, we are back from break and I am about to be the small blind, let me call you on the next break, okay?" and I hang up as the dealer is beginning her wash. I see 'Righty' over there grumbling about something and I hear the word 'phone' slip from his lips. "What is he talking about over there!??" I ask.

He tries to say my hand is dead on the next hand because I was on the phone. Ugh....as you can all imagine....I go BALLISTIC on this guy. After trying to first CALMLY tell him he is wrong, that the hand hasn't even been SHUFFLED yet...but that even if it were, I have until the first card is dealt to end my call. Oh no...he insists I am wrong. This is where I stand up and start freaking out on him. I tell him if the ONLY way he feels he can beat me is for me to have my hand killed, that's fine, I WILL HAPPILY MUCK MY CARDS without looking, just to please his stupid ass....but I will not let him think he is right on this matter, so I CALL the floor! By this time, the whole tourney room has gone silent and is listening to what is going on at our table.

The floor comes over, and upon learning the situation informs 'One Arm' that he is indeed, WRONG. He bitches some more...and that is when I put a $200 bounty on his ass. About 75% of the room starts howling. He reacts by saying "oh yeah? A bounty? Bring it on!"

I would say about 15 minutes later, I walk over to Brandon's table..which is right NEXT to mine...and see that he is all in with QQ....the other guy has KK...the flop was all rags. I can see how this has happened. Shit. Brandon is OUT. With QUEENS.

I scoot back over to my table. I am under the gun. I get dealt...QQ. OH GOD! That is just spooky. Brandon walks by, and I peek my cards to him. He laughs. I raise from 200/400 to 1200. Guess who calls? You got it. Ol One Arm himself. Everyone else folds. The flop comes 8-7-5....two clubs. I have to feel like I am good here. Don't care for the flush draw. I bet out 3200. I was watching him on the flop.

And as I made my bet. I know this guy would love to bust me, as he is trying to save face after his little display a while ago. He raises 10K! What? I look at the board. Then I look at him. He is smirking. This miserable old fuck. Did I react on emotion here? Do I make the same play against someone else? I am not positive.

But I think the POKER PLAYER in me was telling me a couple things. (a) I know this guy hates me. (b) I think this guy is putting me on AK/AQ and thinks he can get me to fold by raising me. (c) I think he MIGHT have a flush draw, which if I am right, and I move in on his ass for another 22K he would have to fold. (d) I am also thinking, if this prick got so lucky as to flop a set, and I fold, it is probably going to EAT AT ME all day not knowing if I was right or not...and on top of it, just took a hit for 5k to my stack, which takes me down another notch, and would have to sit and watch this peckerhead talk shit over there for gawd knows HOW long.

So I shove on his ass. He insta-calls. He has flopped a set of 8's! Son of a BITCH! And I fail to catch another Q and am out. Me and Brandon...QQ...ten minutes apart...and now, both of us...OUT! After feeling SO good about our chances just 1 hour earlier.

Poker is SO brutal. This year so far has been just FULL of one and two outers. Its amazing how CLOSE you can be to greatness sometimes, and how equally close you are to the damn gutter. Right now I am in the gutter. A lot of good players I know who had great years last year are having total DOGSHIT years so far.

At least I feel good in knowing I am in good company! But I am so conscientious when it comes to watching my money...and right now its doing nothing but going downhill. Its giving me a bit of an anxiety attack. But I guess its nothing a nice score wont cure. I sure the hell hope its comes soon!

We make the decision to get the HELL out of that shithole! We shoot over to the hotel, load up our shit and LEAVE! I fire up Pokerstars. ON the drive home I cash the $27.50 MTT and the $33 MTT, but not deep so the score isn't great. I play 12 SNGs and don't cash ONE OF THEM! In keeping with the theme of the day I pick up QQ 9 times. I win with them ONCE! Yeah, you heard me....ONCE! I only end up -$100 for the drive so its not a big deal.

We move on to Saturday. I decide to go to the Beau Rivage and play the 15K guarantee with Brandon. I get seated at a good seat. Russ Bozeman's wife Andrea is at my table. Russ and Andrea are two of my favorite people. I do however recall a time in New Orleans when Russ and I and Andrea all sat in on a $150 SNG that HE staked me to play.

It would have been a good idea for us NOT to try and felt each other early. And she was going gangbusters to bust me, and did. So that thought was clear in my mind as I looked at her sitting there. I think Russ has told me how they gun for each other when they are playing at their local cash game...so I know with her that poker and friendship are two separate entities!

Our table is so-so. There is a good turnout and first is 5400. Nice. That would be a good lick. I kind of hang around the average. Have 79d...and like a dummy fold to a four way raise. Flop a flush. Would have won a ton. Then complete the SB with this guy limping in at cutoff with 79 again. The flop comes 789. Holy crap. I check with the intention of check-raising. The guy in the BB, who is a relatively decent player bets out 600. I am putting him on top pair.

Well, limpy back there makes it 1200. Min raises him. SHIT! I am sniffing out J-10. Plus there is a flush draw out there (which is what the guy on my left has). Like a moron, I fold. It goes to showdown...busted flush, against...ya ready? NINE DEUCE! SHIT! I would have dragged a HUGE pot there!

A bit later though...I raise UTG with KQ suited. I would proceed to go 5 and 0 with KQ in this tourney. It WAS my hand of the day! I get FOUR CALLERS! ShiT! THe flop comes K-10-J. Cant ask for too much better than that I don't think. Well, donkey boy (he of the 9-2) SHOVES all in...for 3250. The blinds BTW were 100/200. So there is already 2500 in the pot. ONLY because its this guy do I NOT EVEN hesitate to call.

But I don't call, I re raise...to eliminate the other two (hopefully!). They both fold. He turns over.....HAHHAAH...KING DEUCE! SO I guess in his case...its ANY DEUCE to go with a hand. Well, I fade the deuce and whack this clown. And now have some chips to work with.

We get a little deeper, and I get some more chips. Then Brandon's table breaks and he comes to my table, with about 45k. Wow. I have around 22k. We are both in pretty good shape. This could end up being a great day for both of us. He is doing his usual BJ moves at the table. Took me about 5 minutes to figure that out. Its so funny when you are friends with a good player, and know just HOW they play. You know what they are doing WHEN they are doing it, and usually have a pretty good idea WHAT they have in their hand. So I tried to take advantage of this, without being wrong and getting snapped! Of course!

Sitting in the BB the guy UTG limps in for whatever the blinds were. Cant remember. Maybe 300/600. The next guy calls. Well, Brandon being Brandon...he min raises to 1200. I decide in my head he is just 'making a play' and have every intention of just shoving all in when it comes around to me and hoping to Gawd he doesn't actually have a big hand, because I KNOW he wont fold if he does! Well, behind him...the clown who has gone from 425 chips 5 minutes ago to over 12K now (and still thinks he is shortstacked!) calls the 1200...so now we are looking at a very nice pot. A pot that I WANT! And my table image is pretty good. So when I look down at KQs...my lucky hand so far today...I insta-shove! And hold my breath. Fold, Fold...to Brandon, who gives me kind of a "you sneaky bastard you!!!! You caught me!" look and folds...as does the last guy, who SHOWS me AQ! Whoaaaaaa! That could have been disaster. And he is really loose too, kind of shocked that he folded there! But happy! At least for the time being!

Then Brandon gets horse fucked by two donkeys. The first one is the camouflaged moron they brought over with them. He is in the four seat. So far today I have busted both of the clowns from the 4 seat and was really hoping to make him number 3. He limps in for 600. Brandon, sensing weakness, raises it to 4000!

The moron calls, with A8 off. Nice call Hunter Boy. The flop brings two clubs. Just so happens BJ has 68c. Well, the flop also brings an ACE. Brandon puts the guy all in and he calls....misses his flush...and there goes 9k. Ouch. Then a few minutes later, he gets into a 5 way pot with K6d. (why? We aren't exactly sure) but the flop brings him a six (middle pair) and two diamonds. Lady UTG bets out. Donkey #2 calls. And Brandon moves in.

The lady folds. And....the donkey....well you have ALL heard this one before "Do I wanna fold and have no chips? Or gamble and try to chip up?" OH NO! He goes with option A and CALLS. With nothing but a 9. Top Pair. Kicker? 10. No draw. Just a nine. Nice call sir. It holds. Brandon ships him 8K. Brandon is now in bad shape. Then they break our table.

I go to a table and the first hand played, as I am walking up...is this lady calling a guys all in for 4250 with NOTHING BUT A TEN on a board of Q-10-J-J-2...three diamonds....holding K10. She says "I just wanted to see your hand!" It was only half her stack to call! Oh my God. This should be fun. Later, she limps for 1200 with 5c9c....yeah...you heard me. Four way action and the flop comes 5-9-7.....one club.

First guy bets 2200. Guy in BB calls. She goes all in...for like 45K! NICE PLAY! The first two fold, then the guy in the BB says "well, I have the nuts, I have to call" and he does. 6-8. Wow, this bitch is about to lose about 23K! Oh hold up.....never fear, runner runner is here!!! NO NO, she doesn't hit a 5 or a 9. She goes runner runner clubs! ARE YOU SHITTING ME!??? This hag now has about 65K and she is on my right! perfect.

Bit later she limps again! I have AK. FUCK THIS SHIT. I MOVE ALL IN FOR 18k! I am not losing like that guy just did. Either call and double me up or give me my stupid beat like you just did him! I will take my chances. I am not raising to ANYTHING cuz she will call ANY RAISE once she has entered a pot!

THEN IT HAPPENS. We are down to 23 players. I am sitting on about 19K, having been blinded down a bit. This kid at cutoff SHOVES 9800. I was watching him before he acted and I was 99% certain he had junk....either A-high or Q-high. I KNEW for a fact he did not have a pair. Too much apprehension before he made his move. He was simply trying to snag a 3500 pot without seeing a flop.

Well, Monkey Boy decides he is probably going to call with almost ANYTHING playable. Then I look down at KK. Yeah, that's playable. I ask him if he has A high or Q high? No response. Well, I hope you have Q high cuz I have Kings. I call! He has Ace High. ACE FOUR to be exact. UGH. hate seeing ANY ace in this situation. And what does he do? He flops not only the ace but the four. Lovely. MOTHER(*!*@&(*&!@

So now I am down to 10K. That quickly becomes 8K. Then that little punk raises 5K (with the blinds 800/1600)...which is about right I guess. I look down at AdQd and don't hesitate much. I have to jam it. I do. The BB...wakes up with KK and SHOVES ALL IN...its another 17K to the kid...and he calls (like a fucking donkey) with AK. Gee...I'm not in TOO bad a shape am I? Lets see, I need a flush basically, or god forbid, two queens. Or a very unlikely straight. I flop a QUEEN! I turn a FLUSH DRAW! The river? Pfffft! yeah right! You thought this story was going to end good? IM OUT!

I guess I will go to the Pile of Debris and try for that Bad Beat Jackpot, which is now up to 170K. I get there and the list is ridiculous, like 30 people ahead of me! SHIT! So I guess I will go play a little three-card poker, try to win some money. I talk to Rooster (on the phone) on my way down there and tell him I will 'probably lose 200 real quick, then get fed up of waiting for a table to open and go home and get on Stars and get slaughtered.' Guess what? ALL OF THOSE THINGS HAPPENED.

Lose 200 in 3 card poker. Take my name off the list for cash game. Go home, get on Stars and lose, lose, lose, lose, lose! Get deep in just about everything I play, and get goat-fucked. Run my account down about another $400. Squirrel gets home from work, she is towing THE CLAW with her...and we all go to bed, as they have to leave at 8am for Mardi Gras. NO! Nothing happened! You sick bastards!

Something DID happen though that was REALLY funny! Our dog Jasper, he is very protective of Squirrel and quite territorial. I was on my side of the bed, Squirrel was in the middle and The Claw on the other side. My bed is a California King, so really, I need a phone to talk to Claw over there. Well, Jasper likes to lay in our bed. And Squirrel is his momma. So when he saw Claudia in there he was like, 'what the hell!' He gets up on the bed, wedges himself between the two of them...has his back to Squirrel, and starts pushing, with all four legs...trying to push Claudia out of the bed!!!! It was hilarious! Squirrel laughed so hard she was crying. I hope Claw's feelings weren't hurt!

They got up and left. It came to me as a dream because I don't FUNCTION before 10am. So to those of you who like to call me before 10am....and expect a normal conversation!??? Please remember this!

They go to Mardi Gras and have a crappy time. Claim they will never do it again. Which actually brings me joy! I proceed to play on Stars in all the big Sunday tourneys, and get killed. I ran AK or KK into AA SEVEN times on the day. Bought into the Sunday Million. Got semi-deep, and ran AK into AA, of course. Didn't cash a damn thing until late when I made a little mini run. Was literally down to 150 bucks in my account (the lowest I have been since AUGUST!!!!) when I cashed in four SNGs in a row and then pulled a 3rd place in a $12/180 for $235 to get back up over $400 to end the day. It at least restored my faith in my abilities to play the stupid game!!!!

I am contemplating going to RENO. Although I haven't pitched it to Squirrel yet. And I haven't heard back from my backer, who leaves soon for Europe. And I am not wild about PACKING and FLYING again. Getting really tired of traveling. I want to win a few million bucks so I can charter a private jet for stuff like this. I HATE AIRPORTS. And those assholes who work there. I do need to make it happen quick though if I AM going to go...cuz it starts in a few days.

Of course that would put me there for the start of March Madness...which is a bit of a hassle as my March Madness Pool is about to begin. I had a record 351 entries last year. Try keeping up WITH THAT! Its a pain, but its worth it. I love doing the pools! I know one thing, I am NOT going to Tunica. SO to those of you who ARE...good luck! I will keep y'all informed of my next stop!

MONKEY

www.gulfcoastpoker.net