Day One: Coushatta

(Actually got two blogs in quick succession from Monkey, as this one is more recent about the current tournament he's in, I fired this one up. Next week, I'll parcel out his other entry which has some less timely but still great Monkey stuff).

Mercy!

Got to Tournament on time. Found room relatively full. Had a table full of old guys. Most of them locals. Most of them rednecks. Saw lots of fishing-themed hats, and lot of camouflage decor. Standard attire for this region.

In first two levels got AA twice, QQ once, AK once, and 10-10 once. Raised each time. Got NO ACTION. Not a good trend. Once with 5c-6c flopped 5h-4c-3c. SICK FLOP. Top pair, straight flush draw? Bet. Guy min raises. I call. Turns out he has 6-7. I am drawing to a chop on the straight, the nuts on the flush. I miss it all. Costs me $1200. Another time I have a nut flush draw and miss.

The day is a microcosm of every tourney that I either win, final table or cash in. I cant get paid off on big hands. Then I get lucky a couple of times and get paid off nicely when I flop two pair and get paid off by the donkey with top pair only. I get a nice near double up with AQ vs. JJ when I hit two pair. Then I give a bunch back with KQ vs. 10-10 when I flop a Q and the guy two-outs a 10 on the turn. DAMMIT!

Spend the late levels pulling the scary ALL IN MOVE shortstacked with marginal hands like A8, KJ, QJ, AJ.....and NEVER getting a call, but pulling in pots decent enough to just keep me healthy. These guys are running this $330 tourney with NO antes...so pulling a pot means simply pulling the blinds. A couple times I move in with AK and 1010 and am clamoring for a call and cant get one.

I am delirious all day after having only gotten 3 hours of sleep the night before. I had managed to get to sleep around 1am the night before, but then Squirrel called, wondering if I was here, why I hadn't called. Well, I guess its cuz I knew she was at work. Well, after she called I couldn't get back to sleep.

I watched Predator vs. Alien til 5am. THen read my new book, John Grisham's "THE APPEAL" til 6am until I FINALLY fell asleep. So I was in rare form at the table...and doing this without the aide of ANY alcohol. I was simply OUT OF MY MIND.

But it was working. I had my table pretty entertained. I worked on my 25 Random Things About Me all day, utilizing the VOICE NOTES on my Blackberry. Saw Wild Bill and Gene. Didn't even know they were up here. I'm not sure when they busted out, but I know they did. Then Wild Bill informs me that something went down on the home front and he had to go home. That sucks.

So...this tourney. They are using dealers who they pulled off of their blackjack tables. Awesome. Most of them were slower than a seven year itch. But they were all pretty pleasant. Nice to see dealers WITHOUT attitudes. Would just like to see them speed up a little. The floor guys were all pretty cool.

Three separate floor calls were made where a tremendous amount of discretion was used. They could have 'by the booked' the calls like Harrah's folks always seem to do, but they didn't. They used their good judgement, and made a decision that was more player friendly. I really liked to see that.

The breaks are weird. They say we are taking a 15 minute break...send us out of the room, and lock the doors. They always end up being more like 25 or 30 minute breaks! While we are out they go into our stacks and condense them, taking the big smaller chips and replacing them with larger chips.

Personally, I HATE THAT! I like my stack to be as big and imposing as possible. So when I leave with 18K, of which 4K is in 100's, 10K is in 500's and the rest is in 1000's...and come back and find 2 5000 chips, and the rest in 1000's, I freak out! So I simply color up from people around the table.

We never had a dinner break. At the end of level 8 Brandon had 40K and I had about 22K. We both decide to swap 10%. It was a grind the rest of the way. The average stack for the last four levels I played was always about 10% of whatever the big blind was...which made it turn into a damn Shove-Fest.

The worst kind of scenario. We got down to 28...Brandon was at the table behind me. I was sitting on 34K. I had a pretty good shot now to make the money, which was $650. First place was $19,000. Not a bad score for a $300 buy in. I was starting to feel it. We had gotten through most of the bad players. Of the 28 remaining, I would say 18 had a clue. Not a bad rate.

One guy at my table was all decked out in Poker Stars garb. He had the look of Scott Fishman. I think he THOUGHT he was Scott. He wasn't. He had these Faggy chanel-looking glasses on. His move was to stare down whoever was raising when he was in the SB or BB....going into this act....then moving all in with his rather large stack.

Everyone folded to him. I was about to either (a) throw up or (b) walk over and punch him in the throat. Another older guy...I asked him if he ever had a broken leg. He told that YES, he had...twice. He finally 'got it.' This guy was the master of the limp. I don't care if the blinds were 50/100 or 2000/4000. He limped in 85% of the time.

Cost me a lot of pots too, because I was always ambivalent about raising behind him...with hands like 88/AJ/KQ....because no matter what, if you raised, he would CALL! So it was almost better to just limp behind him and either try to outflop him or outplay him. He would eventually fuck off all his chips by using this "strategy."

Well, with 28 left, I turn to see Brandon standing up with his life in peril. He has moved in with A2...after getting down to 8K. Ugh. No choice. He runs into two bigger aces and goes out. Bummer. Earlier, he had moved in with KK...behind a raiser, and ran into 10-10. That clown goes runner, runner for a straight. Brutal.

Then has an all in vs. a guy with A3...who after seeing Brandon's 44, starts his Tiger Woodesque fist pump when seeing BJ's 44. Huh? Yeah...hey nothing like being up against a 3-outer right? Moron! The guy hits two pair. These idiots. They kill me!

Well with 23 left....and me sitting on the button with KK....and 31K....I announce that I am raising with a top 5 hand on the button, and make it 15K with blinds of 3000/6000 and kind of WANTING a call and/or shove. Cash game psycho boy in the SB...who is new to the table, and who I have already accurately depicted correctly to him AND the rest of the table as an ultra-aggressive, internet type....goes into this big Hollywood act before finally shoving all in with 44. I, of course call. Old man across the table tells me he folded a four.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Dont say that for chrissakes! Fade the flop. Fade the turn. River? MotherO*(&@*(#& 4! ONE OUTED! 4k left. Looking for a miracle. Get no miracle. In BB with J-7 vs. 88....catch nothing but air and go out 23rd, 3 from the money. NINE HOURS for NOTHING! RAILBIRD CITY!

I go to the cash room. Its pretty packed. Try to get into a sit n go. On the list. Sit down at a 2/5 game with $300. ON fourth hand Im in the BB with Ad10d. Some redneck with a hat that looks like its made from an alligator's ass raises to $25 in first position. Hmmm, KK or QQ I suspect. Get two callers. Oh I'm priced in. Flop comes Jd-8d-7h.

Not too bad a flop eh? Flush draw (which I have been missing all day) and a gut shot. I check. He bets $30. Strange bet into a $100 pot. Other two fold. I raise it to $90. HE just calls. I shove the remainder of my chips in the dark...and tell him I think he has KK. The turn is a Q. More outs. Its not a diamond however. He CALLS. Oh he definitely has KK...or god forbid QQ.

Don't worry about it, the river is the 4 of diamonds. Yahtzee! He has KK. FEED the MONKEY. He's hungry. Pick up AK the next hand and win another $45 pot. Then the SNG is ready to go. Rack up my chips and head out! NICE, just got my buy in back from the 10am tourney.

Sit N Gos do NOT go as well. First one, early in game, I flop (holding 2-3d) a WHEEL with a FLUSH/STRAIGHT FLUSH draw! Holy crap. Announce (with 6 limpers in there) that I am going to CHECK RAISE! Last guy bets 200. I raise to 600.

Everyone folds back to him. He goes to grab all his chips and I beat him in there with mine. He has...ahem...hold for effect....ACE EIGHT! One pair. The turn is another ACE...the river is, are you kidding me...and EIGHT. Oh how nice. A full house. OUT! Next.

About an hour later get into another one. Play forever with too many players. Have the one guy at the table, young, internet guy...doesn't raise, doesn't call, doesn't play flops...JUST SHOVES. Love this guy. My favorite type. I continue to fold hands like Q10 suited, A9, KJ.....because I am confident I or someone else will catch and snap him later. And I have too many chips to be stupid.

There is two winners. I also have 8 in the last longer. Just be smart Monkey. Two winners in this thing. Just survive. Well, we get to 5...blinds are 300/600 and he wont stop with it. 5 left and we are all pretty even. He does it again, and I look at 22. Fuck it. Time to take a stand against this prick. I call. He has 7-10. Mmmmhmmmm. He brow beats me for calling with 22. I almost tell him to go fuck his sister, but don't. He rivers a 7.

I am out. Whatever. I go find Brandon....we go drive around and find a Fake Waffle House...and eat a meal that has me clamoring again for a real Waffle House. We come back to the room and I am asleep about 2 minutes after my head hits the pillow. I wake up at 8 am.....just banged out this entry...and looking at my clock it is now 9:45am....leaving me 15 minutes to take a shower and go enter this $1k Main Event. Perfect.

We start with 20K in chips. 90 minute levels. Blinds start at 100-100. Should be an interesting day. Would really like to cash this son of a bitch. Especially after yesterday's disappointing finish. Hopefully my next entry comes with some good news.

MONKEY

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