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Saturday, October 15, 2011

Day Three from the Windy City...

Dilemma. Today is likely going to be the biggest $550 field ever. It's 11am. I've been awake for two hours. Slept off and on all night, not sure why. Had a dream that I was a traffic cop directing traffic at an intersection I've never seen before in my life.

Had about 6 of you approach me yesterday, say hi, tell me you read my blog, that you are a fan...etc etc. And to be honest? It's humbling. Due to my entire 2011 of running like hell. And I hate it when one of you approach me right after some jackass as 'ace-ragged' my AK for the umpteenth time. Because I am suffering on the inside but don't want to come off as a jerk in our first meeting. So if you guys who came up to me think I was wonderful and gracious? Well, I'm a damn fine actor! But no, I do appreciate you guys a lot...and if I ever break out of this slump and win something, I know it will be a lot of fun for a day or two afterwards.

So anyway, a lot of people are expecting a blog today. And I really do have a LOT to chirp about. Day 1 made a very large gaffe. At around 9pm I think, I was in the area where they do SNG's. The lighting is bad. Really bad. And my adderol that is orange? Wasn't an adderol at all. Nope. It looked orange though. But that was the lighting. It was really blue. And was my adavan that I take for stuff like flying or not slashing my wrists when I've been having a very stressful day. 

About that time I see a guy from up here I know who is real cool carrying around a big wine glass...and its Pinot Noir. Yum. He lets me taste it. It's delicious. Now wine is one of those things I can drink (unlike TEQUILA!) where I get very little effect other than a pleasant and euphoric buzz...and since my day had already been shitty, figured it might be nice. Halfway into my 2nd and final glass...I started feeling very strange. Then the insanity began...and from there I did things I don't remember. It was kind of scary. I finally figured out what the hell happened, and got out of there.

But before I left, I lost both my cell phone and wi-fi card, oh and left my debit card at the bar. So yesterday was spent scrambling around rounding everything back up. And I did get it ALL back, which was a huge relief! The dealers and floor guys were kind of laughing at me about the night before....yikes. I really like the guys who run this place, really a bunch of nice and fun guys. 

You know what I find totally ridiculous and pointless? APPS for our phone or iPad that serve absolutely no purpose. I mean...I think some of these businesses just 'get an APP' because they think it will give people the impression that they are cool and hip. Dude? Really? An app for IHOP? An app for my gym? Yeah...I'm at the gym the other day and they are encouraging people to download their APP. Why? For what? Anyway...stupid.

They call this the Windy City. The last two days the wind had been blowing so hard it nearly blew my little Nissan Versa (whatever that is!!!) off the road. Appropriately named city, indeed.

How bout this one? Walk out to rental car, notice the front left side is scuffed in a way that it obviously hit something. ??? How did I not notice this when I rented the damn car at the airport? I know it wasn't me. But now what happens when I return the car? Do they put it on me?  A little nervous about this situation. 

There is currently what sounds like a tornado alarm going off. No idea why. Its clear and sunny outside.

What is the goal of OCCUPY EVERYWHERE? I'm confused. I mean, I'm all for the super rich keeping their grubby influence out of politics, and to stop destroying the middle class...but is that what this is about? Or is it just a bunch of Anarchy fans looking for any excuse to protest and rally? The world is so screwy right now.

So, my first day here, I decide to offer something new. I decide on my little iPad 'Notes' to document a whole tourney, then post it...for you dorks who like to read about poker hands and betting patterns and all that. I did it for one day. Too much work. And also, not really wanting to open myself up to unwanted or unwarranted criticism. But for your entertainment...or boredom...here is the first half of my Day 1. 

Tourney journal for Chicago/Hammond WSOP

Event #1. $350 (0ver 1400 in Day 1b)

10k starting stack. Raise on button behind limpers with 88. KQ6 flop. Have to fold.
Get QQ. Raise to 200 (50/75). Get 5 calls. Flop 5-6-3. Bet 300. Annoying voice lady raises to 1500. Smooth call. Turn K. See her grab chips so I check. She fires 2200. Fuck! Fold. Get KK in BB. 5 limp for 75. Fuck it. Make it 400. D.C. (her new nickname) Calls (of course) flop comes Q-high. I know she likes any Q so I check raise. She checks. Q on turn. Bet 450. She folds. Win unopposed raising with 10-10. Win four-way pot betting half pot on bottom pair. Limp with A5h for 50 utg. No raisers 4-handed . Flop comes A-6-J two hearts. Wow! SB leads 300. Smooth call. Turn is blank. He bets 800. I call. River is 5 of spades. Okay, no flush but aces up have to be good . Kind of putting him on J6 in SB. He bets 1200. I raise to 2500 thinking its a value bet. He tanks. Then calls . Whats he got? Oh! Just A6 . Come ON! Guy raises my BB to 225. I call with 10-10. Flop 9-high. Bet 350. Calls. Turn 2. Bet 850. Calls. Wtf? River K. Fuck. Check. He bets 1500. "did you really float me with AK man?" I call. It's good. "you should wait to complain til you see if you've lost" which starts a groundswell of negative asshole comments. Fuck these idiots. Two hands later, that whore raises again, utG. I call in small blind with AQd. Flop comes Q-8-5. Check raise knowing she will bet, and probably too much. She does, 2200. I raise to 4700. She's all in for 2000 more. I call. Show me KQ! Nope. Just KK. Shit! I have 850 left at 50/100. Two hands later, buck-toothed hayseed raises to a ridiculous 650 at 50/100. I smell jacks, and have AQ again...and don't mind gambling to double up. I ship 850. He has, OH! Just QQ. It holds. And my day is OVeR in level 4. Great start to the trip. The good news, it's a re-entry tourney, so I can try again tomorrow with a field that promises to eclipse 2300, and now I have all day to play SNGs and try to bulk up my bankroll.

Day 1. Post Bust SNg. $130 + $20 LL.
Make a straight with my K9 and get paid. Two players bust. Win nice pot with two paid? Start with 1500, at 2200 at 50/100. Aggressive player raises to 300 UTG. I flat with AA in SB. Lady in BB calls with Q10. Q-high flop. I check. Lady bets 600. UTG raiser folds. I raise her all in. She calls. Fade the beat. Nice stack. Next hand A5h limp on button with 5 others. Flop 5s-Qh-9h. Girl in BB leads 800. Folds to me. I ship. She folds bad flush draw. At 75/150 I have 5675. 7 left. Chipleader. Now 5-handed. 100/200. 5400 chips. Get 3-handed. Short stack. Double up with AQ vs K9. At 300/600 decide to steal BB with K2. Snap call with A7. Flops a fucking flush. I make two pair. 3rd. No money. Shit! Shortstack was all in with 2-6 vs A-j and hits a damn 6 in the turn or it's over and I walk with $650. Game of inches.

Day 1 Post SnG bust SNG $130+20+50 LL
First hand. 5 limpers. Raise to 125 with AQ. Familiar dude repops it 525!? Huh. I finally fold. He shows AA. Wow! Long story short. Get 4- handed. Already pocketed $125 on a $50 LL chop. All in with aK. Called by baldy with A7. Turn, 7. Lick my scrotum. Out.

Day 1. Post SnG SnG bust SnG. $130 SnG. Plus.



Hope you enjoyed that.

Oh! Great news. I am officially freerolling. Sort of. You all (most of you) know how much I fear 'The Buffet of Death!'  Right? As I have incurred food poisoning three times (which eclipses the record of 2 at IHOP) in buffets at casinos over the last 10 years.  So making the decision to 'do the buffet' is always met with hesitation. Well, Don Norman, Mark Rose and I made the plunge yesterday...and for a full hour afterwards I was holding my breath. I escaped unscathed. Ship it.

Ah. And my flight up here was fantastic. Got the exit row on both legs. Forgot my AMEX card...which always gets me my first bag free...and the lady at the counter in Gulfport? You heard me...GULFPORT...where I always have issues....not only went ahead and comped my first bag anyway? But also my 2nd bag. So I was up $60. Great way to start the trip. But then...oh the TSA in Gulfport is just comical. NINE freaking agents...I mean, they all barely fit in the tiny space. My bags got checked, then re-checked, then pilfered through. I got scanned, then patted down. Then dusted for explosives. What the hell? Did Gulfport/Biloxi suddenly become the world's hub for terrorists or what? Should I have shaved my pseudo beard that morning? Maybe quit taking those Farsi classes and logging onto Al Jazeera.com?

Then I get on the plane....and there is he. Mr. Main Event winner from Bossier City. Isn't it funny how when your running bad...there is always that guy running like God right in your blind spot? Fucking insane.

Yeah hey boys! Enjoy your flight. I will!

If you are on a plane...and you look out your window at the wing...and it looks like THIS WING...do you get somewhat uneasy or nervous?


Well I'm not your typical white-knuckle flyer like Kai Landry...but it seems to me like perhaps Delta could find the time to may just do a quickie little sand and paint touch up to this beast. Just to put their passengers at ease a little. 

Hey...would anybody happen to have the phone number for Conrad Murray? I might be needing to get a hold of this guy if things stay this way!

Oh, great news for you Chad Burns video fans. My shadowy producer/director has created another gem for Pouncing Monkey Productions. And I was going to wait til the next entry to post it...but screw it, I'm at an event...and things to blog about just pile up like a 40-car accident on a fog-shrouded California Interstate. Apparently, and this is funny...a guy from Houston called me to tell me Chad was at a house game last week, and this regular named Jerry walks in...sees Chad sitting there, and starts throwing his arms in the air and shouting..."I want to play No Limit Hold em! I want to play No Limit Hold Em!" Everyone in the room started howling, Chad buried his face in shame...and well, I laughed til my eyes watered when this guy told me that story.

So...without further ado, I give you the latest epic masterpiece. Please enjoy.



Do you even want to hear about yesterday? Because I really don't feel like repeating it. But hell, I have pictures...so why not?

Noon tourney? Arrive. Nice table. Friendly people. High hopes. Win a couple. Lose a couple. Then...'she arrives.' The she I am referencing would be this delightful little Asian girl.



Very quiet girl. Though we talked later on in the day...and she really is quite sweet. Let me just say, I have NEVER seen anyone run like this girl was running for about three orbits. It was I-N-F-R-E-A-K-I-N-G-S-A-N-E!!!! She wasn't like this super talented player...just playing ABC poker. She flopped a set to people with either AK on an A-high flop....or guys flopping two pair about 4 times. Then she raises with KK on the button. Gets re-raised by SB with AA....it all gets in, King on the flop. Boom. It was incredible. And oh...then she started pelting ME. She was literally the only person at the table who I was losing to. And bad. (incidentally, she would end up losing almost all of her chips to this clown named Borat that I'm about to tell you about)

I raise with 10-10. She tanks. Then calls. Flop comes 8-5-7. Okay. I bet about 3/4 of the pot. She raises. Huge. Jeezuz. What now? I ask if she will show. "Sure". I fold. She has JJ. Ugh. I raise with QQ. She re-raises me. Sigh. I flat. Flop comes AK2. Lovely. I fold to her motion to bet. She shows AK. Of course. Then it happens. The hand that made me realize this just MIGHT NOT be my day. At 75/150 she makes it 300. Two people call. I wake up with AA on the button. I make $1k to go. She thinks, thinks, thinks....and calls. With A-10 offsuit. Mmmmhmm.

One of the other two also calls. Perfect. Flop comes Q-J-4. Checks to me. I bet 1700. She calls quickly. He folds. Hmmm??? Flush draw? AQ? Turn is....what else? A fucking king. I bet out 2200. She makes it 6000! Luckily it was a club, so I convinced myself she hit a damn flush. I show AA. Table groans. She shows A10. Unreal.

Floundered for three more levels...then HE ARRIVES. We shall call him the 'Jew Loving Anti Semite.' The locals here call him a few other names, like Ricky the fucking drunk. Ricky is a whack job. He inherits the 2-seat and is shit faced. Yeah...its like 4pm. From what I'm told he stays drunk a good amount of the time. He also had no problem posing for this photo, in fact, he was rather proud.




He sits, and starts babbling. He has an accent. Is that Borat? I asked him if he was from Kazakstan? He made mention of sexy time. Led me to believe he understood the reference. I could tell he was going to be a trip. A trip? Ha...yeah. Less than five minutes into his visit I hear what I think is "blah blah blah Hitler." Huh? I'm in the 7 seat. I ask the guy next to me, "Did he just say Hitler?"  I'm told that yeah, he thought he heard it too. Now, Hitler has NEVER been popular, obviously, but this past couple weeks? Kind of a hot-button name to be tossing around thanks to Hank Redneck Williams Jr. 

"Dude, did you just mention Hitler?"  Oh...he didn't deny it. He started chanting "Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler!" To which the entire table was looking at each other with that look. Come on...you know THAT LOOK. That...'are we really witnessing this?' Yes folks, you are. Fun times. Borat would then thrill us with a couple of insanely horrible plays that went his way once, and not his way the other time. He was fond of limping in then calling 5 or 6x raises. No sweat. J10off, K8 was fun...yeah, he's a nut.

Then about 3 orbits after the Heil Hitler comment....(for those not familiar with Adolf Hitler, he was the tyrant dictator of Germany throughout WW2 who was responsible for the death of close to 6 million Jews and other political enemies) he blurts out "I love Jewwwwwws."  What!??? Again, the looks are exchanged at the table...someone (obviously Jewish) asks him...."Why are you saying that you love Jews after just saying Heil Hitler?" He had no answer that anyone could decipher or begin to understand. Great table.

Then...he whacked me. I had already lost with AK three times...and was running low on chips. So at 75/150....he min raises to 300. And gets two callers. And I have AK again...at cutoff.

"Okay gang...new strategy here....I'm all in for $4300"

Folds to Borat....

"How moooch iz dat?" as he is reaching for chips.

"4300 sir (Borat)"

He snap calls. With A8. SUITED! Yeah. Hearts. The others fold. I turn over AK. 

"Ohhh no, you ave me toootallie doohmeeenated."

"No, you're good, you have three outs."

Flop 4c-5d-9c. Turn Jh.....just need to fade one to get back to 10k starting stack. River? 8! And the table just looks at me like...well, you guys know THAT look, also. I just smiled, shook my head...and crept off. What can you say? No need to say anything. They all saw it. Just another FML moment.

Played the $250 Mega. Started okay. Once again had a good table. Decent players. Nice guys. Hey, maybe things will go right and I will lock up my seat. Maybe? Maybe not. Started with 5k. Only got as high as 8k. Raised a couple times at 150/300, once with 99 and once with KQ suited, that I had to fold...that cost me 1800 of my stack. Then this kid UTG raises to 750. I look at 10-10 on the button. Oh boy. I think about re-raising, as I am now down to 4500. But I just call. The flop comes 5-5-2. Gotta like that flop, yeah? Well he bets 2200 and something about his bet led me to falsely think I had him beat, so I shoved. And he did one of those instant chip shoving calls that always tells you in the back of your head..."Oh fuck he has aces!!!" And guess what? He had aces! And no, Monkey did not TURN or RIVER another ten. I do not run that good you silly kids. Busto.

Off to SNG land. I will keep it brief because this is now depressing me as I relive it. I played four (I think) SNG's...did not win one. But I got 3rd TWICE (paying two) and 4th once (paying 3...in a $210). This photo is from the big heart-breaker of the evening. And I'm not even mad at the guy...hell we were 3 handed at 200-400. It happens, I just want to know why it has to KEEP happening. I had him covered by a mere 25 stinking chips. Yeah. Nice. 4325 to 4300. Him A10. Me AK. Win that hand...walk with $725. So...instead of being up about $1000 on this trip in two days, I am going to be down almost $3k after I buy into today's $560. So...you want to be a full-time poker pro? Its just awesome!!!!


Everyone keeps trying to encourage me and tell me that 'things will turn around Monkey...you're playing fine...just getting really unlucky.' I just try to keep smiling, and not acting defeated, hopeless and lacking confidence...because I know that has an effect on how people play against you. So I'm just hoping my bad run ends before my backer's commitment to me does!

Oh...and yeah, sorry...no football predictions this Saturday and maybe tomorrow. Just don't have time. You guys looking for winners are going to have to fend for yourselves, sorry!

Have a great weekend everyone and thanks for reading my drivel!!!

MONKEY

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

(Arms in air) My name is Chad Burns and i want to play no limit Texas hold em. i want to play no limit Texas hold em. LOL. love that shit.