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Sunday, June 10, 2012


Last night...I pulled off something that may go down as my greatest achievement in poker. Seriously. Not for the amount of money I won ($830). Not for the number of players I defeated (71). No...never mind those two paltry numbers. 

What I did last night was akin to sitting down on Pokerstars on a Sunday afternoon (back in 'the day') and for some stupid damn reason...buying into a $1 MTT with about 8,293 players...and winning. If you have ever had one of those experiences in this lifetime...than you might be able to identify with this 7 hours of astonishment that I enjoyed last night in Pensacola.

I have had very few experiences at poker rooms that are located at Dog Tracks....

They tend to turn out...ahem, not so great. In fact, the last time I was in Pensacola, and played a tourney, my car was hit by a guy pulling into the lot who was so drunk, he didn't even realize he had hit my car. I was coming from a head-shaking demise in the tourney. I drove 115 miles, so that I could sit down with the most incredibly ridiculous bunch of players I'd ever witnessed, just so I could get back in my car less than an hour later and drive home...vowing to NEVER return to this place. Then getting plowed into by drunk-guy-in-truck.

So what happened? My rental house happened. Tenants from hell...who, for the past two years have been stripping away the value of my home over there, little by little, finally vacated the premises...leaving me a house full of fleas (despite having hardwood floors all throughout) walls with peeling paint, the horrendous smell of dirty, wet dog...a yard that once was pristine, having installed sod and a sprinkler system just 4 years ago...and which now looks like a patch of land you'd see driving through West Texas, weeds and rocks with an ant hill every couple of feet. Broken doors. Missing fixtures. Overgrown shrubs and trees. I walked in...stood in stunned/shocked silence...then started grabbing at my ankles, as I was being attacked by fleas.

Good gawd almighty. Then I walked over and met the neighbors, about the 7th set of neighbors that have inhabited that house in my 9 years of owning that house. They had lots of fun stories to share about 'that crazy, drunk couple' who lived in my house. It was now 6:30pm. I'd been invited to meet some friends, one who wanted to buy two shares of my WSOP the Dogtrack to play their 7pm tourney there. For a $50 buy in. Oh...well...okay.

Got there on time. Plunked down my $50. Was offered another 1500 chips for $10...and was off on my journey with 7000 chips and a pretty bad structure. Lost a big hand right off the bat and was down to 5500 like that. I would then win a couple big hands...where I was certain I was either chopping or had lost...but when I saw the other two hands on both occasions felt like the kid who finally got the pony he'd been asking for every Christmas.

Had one 100/200....where 4 guys had limped...and this old guy shipped all in (with A10 off) for 1500. I look at AJd in the BB...and (knowing how shitty these guys are, and how much my chances are of actually having the best hand) decide to actually make the 'right' poker play in this spot and fold. Oh, I supposed I could have re-shipped. But I folded instead. The other clowns...all of them...called. Flop came Jack high...and to make a long story short...I would have won that 7k pot.The amusing part was all four of them checking it down to the river.

 Instead, on the very next hand...this Phil Ivey-looking guy who seemed fond of bluffing, then showing...which had caused me to want bust him very badly...shoved again behind a caller, and I woke up with the SB, and snap called. He had 77. It held. Fuck.

I would lose again with AK...this time to the guy I should have whacked with my AJ vs. his A10. I raise in early position at 150/ 850. Get one caller...and he shoves like 8600 in the BB. Well, I kind of figured since I just lost with AK...that I was due to win this one. That and I immediately put him on JJ. So I looked at him...and asked "What's wrong? You that afraid to play those jacks?" Fuck it. It's a $50 tourney. I called. The other guy folded. And he asks if I have QQ. Nope, just AK...and he flips over JJ. I get the looks from a few people at the table like I'm psychic. Please people....this game isn't that difficult. God, wouldn't it be nice to actually BE psychic though? Oh...I lose...again. Now I'm pretty short. And pretty much over this tourney.

Whoops, someone lets me back in. That same old guy. On a limped hand at 200/400...I get a free look in the blinds with 10-8. The flop conveniently comes out 10-3-8 rainbow. I did what anyone with a poker IQ over 16 does there...and checked. The initial limper bets 1200. The next guy raises to 3000. I ship all in for 6400. He calls with his K10 (yes, El Diablo) and somehow I fade the king. Very large pot for Senor Monkey...and I was on my way.

My table breaks. I go to a new table. And I am treated to 'one of those guys' who is causing the whole table to hate life. I bring with me 42k when the tourney average was 24k. We were down to 18 players. And in a wheelchair was a guy who seemed to just enjoy going all in every hand. He also had a lot of chips...close to 80k. He had been driving the table nuts...and winning with bullshit hands. Great. Just what I need. Well I watched this for awhile. Then I raised with QQ...he called. The flop came A-10-5...all hearts. I had no heart. Check. He bets like 6 times the pot. Okay buddy. 

I was down to about 35k. His dumbass would double up two different players at the table. I would pick up another hand to get back to 40k. The blinds were 800/1600. We went on break. And someone proceeds to tell me this guy's story. Son of the family who owns the Crown Plaza in town. Very rich. The black sheep of the family. Used to play all the time...gets shit faced drunk...gets kicked out...comes back, and does it again. Then last year, he had a stroke. Fucked him up pretty good. Now he comes in, and just plays erratically. I'm told he has come in, announced that he is there to give away money...and that if anyone fails to get it, he will be very pissed. I was also told that if he decides he likes one of the players...he will do his best to give them his chips. Hmmm..could I earn this guy's love? Doubtful. That isn't typically one of my better skills! As most of you know!

I watch his little all in show...a couple players who should have busted him, folded what would have been winners, so they were all tilting now. Finally...he raises in early position...and I look at 99 in the small blind. I decide I'm going to jam it on this guy. Two people call...and I do jam it...for 42k. He snap calls...and I cringe. The others fold. He turns over....ya ready? 5-7. Oh it was suited. Spades. And he did flop a 7 for the inevitable sweat. But I managed to fade all other nightmares...and busted his ass. The entire table thanked me. I was now chipleader.

I little while later, a guy I thought to be the second best player at the table took a pretty bad beat...against me. I raised with A9. He called in the BB. The flop came A-9-5. He checked. I bet. He raised. I re-raised. He shipped. I called. We had the same hand. But I had a back door flush draw. And I got there. Running clubs. Sick. Even I felt bad about that one. He pushed me about 50k in chips...and now...with 9 players left, I had 132k...with a total of 332k in play. Yeah, I was in pretty good shape.

I didn't get crazy with my I almost NEVER do when I have a big stack. I let the small stacks make their typical small stack mistakes, and the bigger stacks call off too much against random hands...and slowly they all started to wipe each other out. We got to four handed...and I busted the 4th place three handed I had over half the chips. I think we might have played about 3 hands...when the other two players proposed that I take first place money...and then let them split what was left over. Um...okay. Done. I had my win. At a fucking DOGTRACK poker room. Against some of pokers worst and/or most unpredictable players you will ever face. No, haters...I decided I would NOT take a victory photo with the chips. Just to prevent you from sending in your stupid, snarky comments.

Once that ended...I sat in on a 1/2 game. It took me about 7 minutes before I had the guy I was going to target. I hated his face. I hated his smugness. He was showing bluffs. He was over-betting every hand. And he was raising EVERY FUCKING HAND. This guy had to get snapped...and I nominated myself for the task. I took his picture of course. You KNOW I did.

One of the dealers told me he is an action junky. Yeah...figured that out. of the problems I have with cash that there are SO many fucking annoying players at the cash tables...that once I get my 'ire on' I have to bust that idiot. Well, I got my wish. I got down $200 right fact, on the first hand I flopped four to the nut flush with middle pair. It got expensive. I missed my draw. Then lost another big hand somehow...rebought in for the maximum $200...and it was on. I would crush this fool three times...causing him to reload twice...and when I got to around $640 or so, just ran out of gas. Plus it was 3:30am and I had to be up pretty early to go work on my house.

This is when birdbrain starts brow-beating me. He waited until I was leaving? "Where ya going? How can you leave now? I was hoping you could teach me how to play."

"Dude...not only do I have no interest in teaching you how to play poker..I don't have that much time left on this planet!"

He made an attempt at some bad comeback...and I answered with a better one, the table laughed at him ...he tried (in vain) again...and I just smiled and said "good night, sir" and cashed out. I've been working on my 'exits' the past couple years...and think I have kind of perfected where I walk away looking like the good guy more often than in the past. I find the key is to say as little as possible, but to make those words really count.

Earlier tonight I was contemplating purchasing the Pacquiao fight. Then I saw the price. $65? Huh? Am I AT THE FIGHT? Or watching it on TV? Yeah, I can just read the highlights on and watch it later on HBO. Well, looks like the shit hit the fan in Vegas tonight. Bradley got the split decision win, and everyone is screaming about a fix. Perfect. Boxing really has it's shit together, doesn't it?

Boston played their hearts out tonight in Game 7...leading at halftime...and staying in the game all the way til the final 3 minutes...when they couldn't hit a shot to save their lives. I was really excited to see all those assholes in Miami  who only attend sports events when their team is playing for a championship leave with that shitty look of defeat on their faces...all bitching about LeBron James etc. etc. etc. didn't happen. LeBron is back in the Finals for a 2nd year in a row...this time against my transplanted Sonics. 

I have no idea who to root for. While I love the players in the uniforms...I fucking hate that scum bag Clay Bennett and his wormy little business partner Aubrey McClendon of Chesapeake Energy...who is about to be up on charges of misusing company funds. Some of you know it is my personal fantasy that Bennett, McClendon and David Stern all crash and burn in a private jet (being flown by either Bennett or McClendon, lest we leave any innocent people out of this dream of mine) preferably into an empty stadium in Seattle.  That or the streets of Mogadishu...where I'm sure the natives would drag their naked bodies through the streets. Ouch. Too much? today, I woke pounding rain and thunder. Yikes. It had been raining all night. Hard! I wasn't concerned. I planned to spend the day pressure-washing the entire house, driveway and fence. Start from the outside and work my way in. After all, I have a month or so to get that place looking good again...since the city wont be ready to let me tap into their pipes (the new city sewer lines) until middle to late July. Well...that little plan got a little sidetracked. As I left my friend's house...I was noticing that the water was, ahem...a bit high. In fact, it was overflowing the banks. My attempts to drive down ordinarily well drained and somewhat elevated roads was running afoul. 

There was a very real emergency at hand. I counted 9 cars dead in the water with people stuck inside. Roads were closing rapidly. I was re-routed 4 different times as I was trying to get to my house. It didn't happen. I got to within half a mile, and there was a lake...about 4 feet deep at an intersection. It just wasn't going to happen. Wow. times today. I was now hungry, and had been craving liver and onions for about a month. So on my iPad I Google'd 'Liver and onions in Pensacola.' Boom! Scenic Cafe...on Scenic Hwy. Good place. Been there before. And it's on high ground. Made a bee line for that place...and had a wonderful lunch. I know most of you hate liver...but hey...that's just more for me!

Y'all hear about that girls body that washed up on the beach in Bay St. Louis and Pass Christian? Yesterday it was her torso. Today it was the legs, arms, and legs. She was a 22 year old stripper. With a 5-year old girl. Kind of sad. Covered in tattoos and piercings. Serial killer at work? Jilted lover? Who knows? Not used to seeing that sick shit happen in these parts...but I guess we shouldn't be that shocked, since she was working at a club in New Orleans...and I'm pretty sure New Orleans took over the top spot for Murder Capital of America last year.

Speaking of New Orleans. They are having a $245 Mega Satellite tomorrow for the Main Event at Rio. Hmmm. First thing that came into my thought much of that is Harrah's keeping? I'm pretty sure they are keeping $45, if history is any barometer. So boom! 24.5% juice right off the bat. many damn seats is that going to pay? Like...if my math is right, and it probably isn't because I'm always screwing up my math....if a $1k Mega pays about 1 out of every 10 players....then wouldn't a $200 Mega (after the juice is gouged out of it) pay like one out of every 50? So if they get 64 players...there will be ONE seat? And some left over cash? That sounds like a bad decision to drive over for. 

Oh...speaking of juice. Here's a good one. That almost knocked me out of my chair at the Dogtrack last night. I was just kind of daydreaming...then looked up at the tourney board. prize pool:  $2520. Wait. Huh? Let me see if I got this right. They had 72 players. $50 per entry. That's $3600. Not to mention everyone paid another $10 when they sat down...which didn't reflect in the prize pool...but realistically it they collected $4220...and only $2520 of that made it into the prize pool. That my offensive. They counter with "oh...a lot of that money goes towards the player of the month...and the player of the year tourneys that we have...they hold a lot of money out for that." Oh...that's wonderful for the guy who isn't there grinding all week long trying to make it into that tourney. And oh, for the record, I guess the points I earned with last night's win make me eligible for their end-of-the-month Player of the Month tourney. Only problem? It's on July 8th. Guess where I will be on July 8th? Yeah...playing the Main Event in Las Vegas. Whatev's.

Tomorrow's radio show is scheduled to have Nick Jivkov and Leif Force on. Nick has already confirmed...and will be on at 3:15 to kick off the show (or 1:15 Vegas time) but I have yet to hear back from the always-unpredictable Leif...I am giving the odds on a no-show by him at about 3 to 1. I plan on sleeping til about 2pm...slamming a VERVE! when I wake up...then busting out what I hope will be another fun show.

HEADS UP!  I am almost expecting there to be some stupid fucking thread started on 2+2 about me and my WSOP staking deal. And it won't be positive. It might even be ugly, offensive and maddening. But this is what happens when you get players who think they are smarter than everyone...mixed in with a bit of spite, envy and simply a lack of class or couth. 

The response to my staking package has really kind of blown me away. I was a bit nervous about it...because percentage-wise, it is marked up a bit. But I am just that confident about my chances in the chosen events that I am raising money for...and coupled with the tremendous amount of value placed on each event, I don't think there is anything too crazy about the percentage I am selling at. Inevitably, there is that 'career-poker' guy who wants to send me emails or messages on Facebook telling me "I'm outa my mind thinking I can charge that much" or that "you're ripping people off...and they must just be stupid to let you get away with it!" I even had a guy tonight tell me that my morals are to be questioned! Huh? After telling him that I respected his opinion earlier in the conversation...that was the point at which I decided to end this conversation with him...simply telling him good night, then ending my 'relationship' with him on Facebook by 'JY'ing' him from my friends list. Nothing personal...not on my end anyway...I just don't need to hear that kind of horseshit.

People have been playing in my pools and fantasy leagues now for 15 years. I have been selling shares for my poker for 5 or 6. In between I had a full time backer...who a lot of people thought I had TOO GOOD of a deal with. You know, envy/jealousy are really a terrible, destructive quality to possess. Don't you think that these people KNOW what kind of a deal they are getting into with me? Don't you think they KNOW what I have accomplished, and what I am CAPABLE of accomplishing? Don't you think they TRUST me to put my best foot forward? I am always good at communicating my progress (Facebook, Twitter, this Blog...text messages) to people who are involved with for them...a lot of whom can't make it to Vegas this summer, it provides them with a form of entertainment...something to watch, and sweat, and root for.

And to add to the intrigue, it just so happens that I will be playing in the most lucrative tournament on the planet...that only happens once a year. A tourney that I have nearly cashed in EVERY time I've played it. I'm not exactly sure how these naysayers are wanting me to THINK I am 'ripping people off.' That part has me stumped. They are investing in 6 events. I am playing 6 events. There will be, if I sell all shares...and currently I have sold 24 of an available 32 shares....a total of about $1500 left over. Hey...that is money for...possibly, other events, like the $1k Main at Caesar's if I happen to bust before Day 4 of the Main. And whatever doesn't get spent? It goes RIGHT BACK to the investors. So how in the f*** am I ripping them off?

You know what? I'm not going to worry about it. Why should I? I think a lot of it might just be jealousy...because I have developed a nice core of people who follow me, my results, my day-to-day life and want to either help me out, by being a part of my dream to win 'the big one'...or just happen to think I might be talented enough at poker to give them a shot at a big score without having to be there to do it themselves. I'll say this...if ANY of the people who have invested in me THINK I am ripping them off? I will happily, and without question...immediately refund their payment. No problem. But I think I'm going to have a bigger problem instead...of having to turn people down instead. 

I'm just really pleased that it doesn't seem like it will go down to the last minute...that I will have all this part of it out of the way by the second week of June, have my airfare booked, my hotel set up...and then spend the next three weeks playing Mr. Mom to my sweet baby...while Squirrel reports back for duty to the Beau Rivage. That happens Tuesday. I'm a bit nervous...but am ready for the challenge.

My new best friend...Carley Grace!!!
What does suck is that she is now going to bed a lot earlier than she used to...getting ready for her new shift 8am. Or 9 maybe, whatever it is. So my night owl ways are grating on her nerves. Understandable. But this zebra can't just change his stripes overnight. I HATE getting up early!

Okay I think I am done here. Felt nice to have a good two days in a row of poker. Good time to start running good, matter of fact! Hope you all have a nice Sunday!



~Coach said...

Congratulations on the score - that juice is ridiculous, but at least you got 830 for your 60, and played through the donks and seeing your house in that kind of shape... Well done!

Mike Kmetz said...

The guy in your picture is john mcdonald. his family developed what is now town & country plaza which is next the jail. He don't fold and will pay you off, he is the reason we all play 2/5 there and has the money to keep coming back.

Mike Kmetz said...

$50 entry
$5 player of year
$5 player of month
$5 to the house

35*72= your prize pool (its a joke)

SlikD said...

plus the $10 add on!

Anonymous said...

When you brag about all your tournment success to people, do you inform them that they are small tournments where the skill level is not that high. You min cash alot which is a sign of just playing tight not good. You claim that you would make millions if you were staked in big buyin events. you are delusional. Is that what you tell your wife that all you need is a shot and that is the only reason your not successful. Stop poping pills all the time. your brain is deff messed up from all the ativan/xanax.

Justin "SaintTino" on 2+2 said...

First time reader of your blog, and I must say it is very entertaining. I live in Pensacola and I frequent the dogtrack. While 99.875% of the "players" there are pure trash ATMs, there are a scattered few that actually have a thinking poker mind.

The guy in that pic is John, he plays like a maniac. I was at a 1/2 table with him one night, and I limped 55 in the SB with 8 other limpers. John was in the CO two seats to my right. I had ~290 in front of me and John probably had ~220. Flop is 852dd, I check, MP leads $15, three callers (including John of course), and I 3 bet to $75, all fold except John, and at this point I'm thinking...Flush draw? Yes. I ship it on the turn and the big nasty Ace of diamonds pounds the river and John flips over 7d3d. FML. A small price t pay though because as quickly as John will rake in crazy pots, he'll also liberally distribute it back into the poker economy :)

Anyway, great blog man, I'll be an avid reader from now on. One small thing I noticed was that when you played the Sunday night donkament, you were mistake about the starting chip count. They start with 3k and the $10 toke ups it to $4500.