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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

ONLINE POKER...This MIGHT Be a Solution

So on Sunday night, I finally fought against the policy I have with myself of never buying in for more than $30 on a site I don't trust 100%, either due to cheating, bad software issues, or getting paid if I win. Well...I bought into the $20 $3k Guarantee on Lock and the $109 $100k Guarantee on Lock. I final tabled the first...getting coolered, raising with KK in the small blind, getting called by J10 in the BB...flopping a set, with him flopping open ended...raising my flop bet, getting it all in, and him turning a straight, and me bricking the boat (and quads) draw on the river. 9th place. Solid. I then cashed the $109, but only a min cash...for $225 or something. Then proceeded to lose about half of that in just an hour of getting trampled with stupid beats playing .25/.50 Pot Limit 8 or better. Nothing like turning broadway with a nut low draw...and rivering the 9 of spades, giving the other guy his flush, hitting no low, and having to click 'rebuy' again. 

I got into a bit of a 'debate' of sorts with some people questioning the payout procedures on Lock. Should they join? Do I trust them? Have I gotten paid? It's a bit of a sticky wicket when you are an affiliate of a site that you can't confidently endorse. I mean...if I could get 1000 people to join Lock (quite feasible actually) and they were playing 10-15 hrs a week...I would be making enough off of just pay my bills every month. Instead, I'm getting maybe $100 to $200 a month...and having people bashing me left and right with questions why they haven't gotten paid.  Well, for the record, I requested a check on January 30th, and again on February 1st. Today is March 5th. No check received yet. And sitting there on Sunday...continually losing my connection to the server and having that box pop up saying 'CAKE POKER HAS STOPPED WORKING' is pretty fucking aggravating too. Considering they aren't supposed to even BE on the Cake Network anymore, having supposedly moved to the 'Revolution Network' last year some time. So I'd like for that to make sense. 

Anyway...lets get to the point. I was talking to a buddy of mine earlier...asking him how he was doing. He told me if I was interested in playing 'cash game' on Pokerstars he had a way for me to do it. It involved nothing real complicated. Pokerstars has left open the option of the 'Home Game' for US players to utilize, wherein we are basically playing on the free site, but able to do so as a private group, and as a private group? Well, your kind of free to make whatever side arrangements you want, since the site has nothing to do with the handling of funds. By the way...if you used to have a username on still do. Another thing...don't try to download the software from the dot com site...we are Americans...and we be bad little kids, no .com for us! Nope, its gotta be dot net. And if you haven't seen the site in the past two years since we've been on force-able hiatus by the Justice Department courtesy of Barack and his boys...I'm here to tell you it looks magnificent. So...all that being said...who is ready to get back on Stars and get after it!???

I give you....  THE MONKEY'S ONLINE TOURNAMENT SERIES!!!! Huh? What is Monkey talking about? Has he lost his every loving mind? Nope. No I haven't. I think we are all sick of playing in tourneys and paying 25 to 30% juice right? But we keep going. You hypocrites! (myself included!) We are tired of software freezing up on us. We are tired of payouts that never seem to arrive. Yes...I am still waiting on the two checks I cashed out from Lock back in January. I'm taking the same di** in the A** as the rest of you who have been badgering me about not getting your payment from though, as an affiliate with them, I have a secret code that I utter into the ear of CEO Jennifer Larson that causes your payout to get instantly processed. Obviously, I don't. 

I have set up a club on Pokerstars. The idea is to run 2 or 3 tourneys a night. Each finish will earn a certain number of points. At the end of the month...I will award the top three finishers with a prize that most likely won't consist of stuffed animals, heaps of candy and a gift certificate for a mani/pedi. What it will consist will have to email me to find out. (duh, I'm not stupid! As if I don't know WHO is reading my blog on a regular basis!)

So...ready for some real poker where you can sit at home on your ass watching whatever it is you like to watch that you aren't able to watch while sitting at a casino? Then send me an email. Not yesterday. Today. Right now. Right this second. I have a prepared response all ready to fire back at you with all the details. The goal is to get started THIS SUNDAY. It might get pushed back. It might not be. Depends on the response I get. But if I am hearing and feeling you folks the way I think you mean to be heard and felt...then I expect a pretty good response to this. And the details? I think you will be a big fan!!! Im pretty sure the club can only hold 100 get to me late, too late...and you'll be S.O.L. and if you need me to explain what SOL means, you can't join my club, either. WANT IN? Hit me on Facebook...or shoot me an email to

Where are my hockey fans? You all (well those who know hockey, including Lurky Nicholson, who borrowed than abducted the hat of my favorite hockey team) know that I am a diehard NY Rangers fan...who have, despite spending handsomely in the extended off-season, gotten off to a pretty slow start. What I have been amazed by, and if you even remotely follow hockey, can't ignore, is the 2010 Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks. They are doing something that is simply ridiculous. In their first 22 games of the season, since that stupid lockout/strike ended...they have posted 19 wins, ZERO losses, and 3 ties....and right now are leading the Minnesota Wild 4-1 in the 2nd period...likely to go to 20-0-3. I've never seen anything like it. I watched the game against Detroit the other day...and really thought their streak would end...and when Detroit scored to make it 1-0 in looked like the streak was dead. Then a Red Wing flicks a puck into the stands, incurs a penalty for delay of game, and the Hawks score on a power play goal to tie it up with a few minutes left in the game. They then go on to win a shootout after 5 minutes of scoreless overtime.  Incredible.

Okay...this was meant to be brief and brief it will be!!! Let's get this club off the ground and start playing SOME REAL ONLINE poker!!!! Please!!!


1 comment:

Will said...

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