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Tuesday, June 7, 2016

AND THEN WE HAD THREE! (MINIONS)

Yeah, I know...get OFF me! It's been 8 days since this was determined. Hey! The people who absolutely wanted to know-KNOW! The rest of you curiosity seekers just aren't very good at digging, obviously.

I've been busy. Yesterday, in fact, I was getting an eye exam, my eyes dilated; to see if I am a candidate for Lasik surgery. Had that done? It's very aggravating, as you walk around for 24 hours unable to focus on anything, nor able to go into the bright light. So we'll consider yesterday a lost day.

Hillary, or Killary as I call her (Yes, I have a special group page on Facebook, dedicated solely to ripping Cruela Deville II. It's called KILLARY WEARS PRADA-feel free to request inclusion, it's really quite fun) has apparently clinched the nomination overnight. Over night? This is where I giggle at how stupid, and manipulative our politicians are. Anyone realize that the final primaries just happen to be, ahem, TODAY? With the largest, and perhaps most influential being held in California? And with Bernie Sanders surging in popularity, and the rumors of a big win in the Golden State being talked about as a crippling loss for Killary heading into November, is it really any HUGE mystery as to how this transpired???

Okay. I will spell it out for those of you who are THAT stupid. See, the people with the power to do it, release a statement saying Killary has Klinched. Therefore, they hope (and pray) that a bunch of voters who had intended to vote for Bernie, are deflated, and choose to stay home. What this results in, hopefully for the Wicked Witch of The White House, a victory in California for her...avoiding political embarrassment. It's really not that hard. This whole game...it's so easy to understand, if you just try. (PS: Anyone seen Ted Cruz lately?)

The Gorilla is dead. That all seems to have calmed down. Next hot topic, the swimmer from Stanford. With the delusional father who seems to think his kid, and his future, are more important than the entire life of a girl who his sweet little boy decided to make his fuck doll for the night, hoping no one would notice them behind a dumpster. I mean...when I harken back to my sexual conquests in my younger years...none stand out quite as glamorously as the ones that took place next to a garbage bin. This world...good gawd.

So yeah. We have reached THREE Grinders, AKA Minions in the March to WSOP 2016. And by the end of this week...I will have named the final two...bringing us to 5. The only thing left to do then...is sell out the rest of the shares (currently at 190 of 250 needed to sell) and order all the players' schwag...which I initiated this week. Just need to get all the proper sizing now. Which requires all five players. Funny, how that works, right??

CLICK TO JOIN WITH MONKEY

Okay look. I do not usually do this. And I am NOT hard up for money. I promise! But I said, that if I tried this, and it actually worked, then I would mention something about it...and invite people to get into the program under me...which in turn would place them in the 'downstream' of someone I would really like to help out! So...well, its been 4 months now, since I started using products from Le-Vel, with the main one being THRIVE! I'm sure a lot of you have heard about Thrive. The patches are popping up on everyone, lately. So, I will keep it brief. Someone read here (or maybe on Facebook) that I was trying to "get down to my former playing weight" and no, not playing poker! But sports! Which would be 225-230. I somehow...no idea how, really, managed to balloon up to 275 this spring, though I've never really had anyone (except a few haters, but never to my face, of course) call me 'fat' per se. But I know that 275 on a 6'3 frame is not healthy...no matter HOW wide my frame is! So I immediately got started, and a week later, heard from a good friend who was on the program, encouraging me to give it a try. I was told after my first order, that I could become a Promoter, get just two people under me, and never have to pay for my products.

CLICK TO SIGN UP WITH MONKEY

Nope! I refused to do that. Why? Because over the years, I've had a LOT of people approach me about getting into their 'downstream' in an obvious attempt to tap into my network of people. I've tried several of them...without any success at all. I've formed a pretty cynical opinion about most of them. So I told this friend, let me try it for 2 or 3 months first, and see what I think. Well, I've lost 20 lbs so far, and am shooting for 20 more to reach my goal. But in addition to the weight loss...I just feel better. More energy, sharper mentally, sleep better at night, and its caused me to eat a lot healthier...mainly because I am just focused on my diet and well-being. Okay...so I want to make this quick and easy. They have many products. You can go look at them. I take the morning pills, two of them. Then I apply my new daily patch...or DFT (derma-fusion technology) to my chosen area that day. Then half an hour later, I rip open my packet of either vanilla, chocolate or strawberry powdered mix, and either make it with milk...or I whip up a smoothie. I've gotten almost addicted to the morning smoothies. Go to Wal-Mart...and in the frozen section, they sell bags of frozen assorted fruit. Very affordable. Much cheaper than buying actual fresh fruit weekly. In fact, in an article my wife found, frozen fruit is reported to actually be healthier, believe it or not! And that is it! Nothing to do later in the day! The patch works to curb your appetite during the day. You can also drink the mixed drink in the afternoon too, if you want. Whatever your schedule dictates.

JOIN MONKEY'S THRIVE TEAM TODAY!!!!

Hey! This is all about YOU! No pressure! What's in it for me? Honestly? I do not even know! For real. I guess I will just watch and either say "Hmm..meh!" or "Wow...for real???" Either way? I don't care. The finances are great right now! Knock on wood! I am actually just thinking..."Hmm...mostly poker players read this. I know a lot of FAT and UNHEALTHY poker players. Know what would make me feel pretty good? Helping someone that later comes up and thanks me for the tip! Or? Maybe someone who is struggling financially...and having this serve as a way to open up a solid revenue stream to help them make ends meet. Bottom line? I have used it, I like it, and I think and believe that is IS a legit product. That's it. WARNING: This product is NOT cheap! I spend $200 a month...for a month's worth of morning pills, DFT patches and shake/smoothie mix packets. HOWEVER...once you get just TWO people to join under you? All your products are free! I haven't realized that goal yet! I've paid $200 three times. Because I wanted to trust it before I tried to sell it. 

MOVING ON! And I apologize for that little commercial break...but I've intended to write that for a couple weeks now...and with the summer arriving...the timing is perfect! No one wants to go to the beach looking 'not so hot!'

So yeah...we had a 'gathering' at Lord Puddingworth's Manor last Sunday night. We had a grand total of 11 players. They were:

TAYLOR BLACK
SCOTT WEINBERG
KENNY MILAM
ROBERT HARWELL
CHRIS CANAN
CHARLES GELVIN
DAVID CHOCHELES
LAURA LANGLEY-CRAFTON
JAY MARTIN
STEVE BIERMAN
WAYNE SOLAR

The structure, I am told, was great. The action started at 7:30 and took about 7 or 8 hours before we had arrived at a winner. Along the way, we had numerous chip leaders. There was a lot of very good play. I served as the Tournament Director, and fortunately only had to make about two or three judgement calls, and none were very difficult. We did have one player call clock! And it was on a hand where there was a 4-bet followed by a 5-bet...turned out to be AA vs KK...and the guy with KK folded preflop. Pretty sick fold. Another pretty sick play was when one player simply called the river bet...with a FULL HOUSE...on a not-so-obvious spot not to raise. I certainly raised my eyebrows at that one! We didn't even lose a player until (I believe) the 4th level. It might even have been Level 5. 

Kai and I had originally planned to make it typical of a poker tourney at Kai's house...with strobe light/dry ice intros, and pies in the face to the people who busted. But right away, you could sense that this was NOT the proper time for those shenanigans.  I mean...these folks were each paying $400 to try and win a $10,000 seat to the biggest tournament on the planet. It kind of called for a little more professional decorum, and we both mutually discovered that pretty early. So we kept it pretty clean. 
Your hosts for the evening affair!

I would love to tell you lots of stories about how crazy and out of hand things got. But they just simply didn't. About the only real excitement for me came when Barth Melius and I decided to play heads up with blinds of $25/$50 and starting stacks of $1250. Barth is a crafty Mo-Fo. I had him three to one twice...only to end up losing. I managed to beat only once in four games...so took it on the chin for $2500. Ugh. 

During the grind...we had chipleads by Kenny 'Trucker' Milam first. Then things shifted over to Scott Weinberg for awhile. Then it was Robert Harwell and Steve Bierman holding big leads. While all this was going on...Laura Langley-Crofton was just kind of hanging out in the weeds. But I wouldn't want that to paint the image of a squeaky tight player waiting on aces or kings. She opened a LOT of pots..as was confirmed for me by several players. She never had a massive stack...but never really got short either. 
Local Fan Favorite, Kenny 'Trucker' Milam

Wayne Solar...also known in the Facebook community as Louisiana Limit King...was also very quietly holding his own. Honestly....it was just a really well-played table. Now, understand, to those readers outside of the Gulf Coast area, you might not have heard of a lot of these players. That's fair. Most of them do most of their grinding locally....either at the Beau Rivage tourneys, or those in New Orleans at Harrah's...with some other things sprinkled in, like Coushatta, Tunica, and some of the dog tracks. I've known practically ALL of these players for quite some time...or at least known about their game and/or results. It wasn't like anyone just wandered in off the street! 

The Silent Assassin, Robert Harwell...with his early massive stack

The deal...was that our winner...so long as we had over 8 players...would clinch a spot on TEAM MONKEY this summer. So once we started with 11...it was on...and very intense! 
Laura Crafton...sizing up and Jedi Mind-tricking the guys out of their chips

Down to three-handed...Robert Harwell took an incredibly brutal beat...when his two pair were counterfeited, and he lost the biggest pot of the tourney to that point, to Steve Bierman. Robert concedes that this was the hand that really undid him. He, of course, took it like a champ, like he always has in the 10+ years that I've played with him. So now we were heads up with Steve and Laura...and I won't lie...I didn't watch much of the action. I know- that sounds horrible huh? But I was too busy trying to dig out of the hole I'd crafted playing heads up vs. Barth. 

Our Champion, and Winner of Kai's...uh...Trophy! Unique, indeed!

The action ended around 3am when Laura beat Steve Bierman to clinch the spot on the team. Congratulations again to Laura. So for the 2nd year in a row, we will have a woman representing us in Vegas. She joins returning 'veteran' Wild Bill Phillips, and Steven Pique, who's wife Jennifer Gay has been doing an incredible job of not just marketing her man...but getting others interested and coming on board as investors! They live in Las Vegas...so she has been adding a bit of a West Coast flavor to the team...which is fantastic! Now...for the final two players...I am currently mulling over the candidates...and spoken to a few of them to pick their brains a little. I feel compelled to come up with a couple players that carry with them some 'Carte Blanche' or name recognition, and with accomplishments that some of the more cynical investors can 'look up on Hendon Mob' and feel confident about investing in. 
Was it the Pinot Noir?? Or just a lack of skill? I'm going to blame the wine!

While my primary objective in starting this project up three years ago, was to give an opportunity to players who wouldn't otherwise get a chance to compete, albeit, players who in my heart and mind I felt actually had a chance to make a deep run...I am also not so naive to think that I am dealing with results-oriented 'buyers' on the investment end of things...and that if I am to get over the top of shares that I need to sell to send five players to Vegas, I might just have to reach into my bag of tricks and pull out what some might deem a 'ringer.' But hey! Don't think there aren't some struggling 'ringers' out there too who aren't anywhere close to being able to come up with $10k for the chance to win $10m! Because there are! Lots of them, in fact!

So...we are heading into the home stretch! 60 more shares to sell, and my work...the main part anyway, is DONE! My wife just booked us (through her work at a nice discount!) for four days/nights at Mandalay Bay...where they have an AWESOME kid-friendly pool...and an aquarium and other neat stuff. It's connected by a sky bridge to Luxor and Excalibur...who also have some really fun things to entertain the kids. So all of us are going out for 4 days...NO POKER for me! But we will have our TEAM DAY on Friday, the day before the event starts! Disbursement of funds, signing of player/investor contracts, handing out of T-shirts, hats and hoodies, taking of the Team Photo in front of the snazzzy WSOP lighted sign...then a trek over to Maggiano's for a Team Dinner. I had so much fun doing that last year...I can't wait for it again. Then, I may or may not hang out until the end of the first 9 days of WSOP play...while playing in some tourneys myself at places like Aria, Venetian and The Wynn. Hopefully I can play the $5k Main at Venetian again this summer. I really wish Squirrel and Carley could stay the whole time...but she just doesn't have that many vacation days from the Beau. Plus we are traveling to Wisconsin for 5 days next week to visit my sister and mom in the new house they moved into last fall. We haven't been up there since 2010...the week after I won/chopped the Main Event at the Beau Rivage. That was a GREAT trip! The first time I ever took the necessary time OFF from poker after a big win...to actually enjoy it!!!

I miss playing big tournaments. I miss the thrill and exhilaration of competing against what is perceived to be the best players in the world. To play against those kind of players...and make final tables? That is what fuels my competitive fires. Squirrel can't quite understand it...especially since we aren't hurting for money anymore. But it's not so much about the money...although a big score is still something that I would relish. It's just the feeling of being at the Final Table. I love it. I crave it. And to win? Which is tough...wow. To just be sitting there, at the end, with ALL the chips? There just really isn't anything like it. I miss that. And I hope I get that chance this summer...at least for a week or so. 

Okay...that's a WRAP! If you are interested in joining the team of investors for this summer's team of Grinders...shoot me an email at ThePokerMonkey1 at AOL. The deal is this: Each share cost $200. When you invest in one, you invest in ALL of them. So any one cashes, you cash. The split is 65/35 in favor of the investor. The 10K buy in is REFUNDED to the investors from whatever winnings there are. So, player wins 35% of total left AFTER the buy in is taken out. The pay out process is as SIMPLE as PI. If we sell 250 shares...and send 5 players...then whatever is won...dollar amount? Is divided by 250. Whatever that number is? Is what EACH SHARE is worth. Doesn't get any less complicated than that! 100% transparency! I take not a nickel for doing this. In fact, my current pledged commitment is for 15 shares...for $3000. If no one cashes? I lose $3000. Plus whatever I come out of pocket for all the schwag!  There is a Facebook Group Page for all investors and players to chime in with whatever they want to share. If you want in on this annual shot at the BIG PRIZE...better hit me up quick...because we are about to put the bow on this year's package!

MONKEY

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