INTERNET POKER

INTERNET POKER

KILL ME! Just kill me! AA 12 times in two days. Win with them twice. 10-10 9 times in two days. Win with them ONCE. QQ 11 times in 2 days...win three times. This seems to be the standard for my online poker life. Make a $300 deposit. Run my $300 up to $1000 by playing my usual game. Start feeling good about online poker. Start thinking...Hmmmm...maybe its NOT rigged. But then wait a second....lets watch our balance go from $1000 to $200 in three days while playing nothing but tourneys from $2 to $50 and SNG's from $6 to $20. And not because I am playing bad.

To sit and cite hands would be tiresome and tedious. But it gets pretty bad when you are deep in a tourney...have about 4 people sweating you on the rail, which is kind of fun...and nice now that I have MY CHAT BACK!!!! Talk about a test of my ability not to go APESHIT....the beats, suckouts and ridiculous shit that I saw on there this past weekend...to NOT say something to get my CHAT BANNED again...wow....I'm amazing! ANyway...back to DEEP IN A TOURNEY.

This guy...who has made 5 horrendous calls....and sucked out every time....wont respond to any chat. I am starting to think this guy is a bot. In the money in a $33 MTT...but not good money yet...I've just lost a huge pot with AK vs. AQ (of course) and now have 18K with the average being 45K. Blinds 800/1600. BOT BOY limps in for 1600. Another guy calls. So with around 5000 in the pot...and me being in the BB with AA....I put in the chat bar "well, schmecki77, I know your range of hands so I am just going to go ahead and SHOVE ALL IN with THE BEST hand!"

HE thinks for a second and calls...with 7-8 offsuit. The flop comes 6-9-10 of course...and I am out. Of course it does. This starts a firestorm from the railbirds. Emails to customer support get answered with the standard "we strive to provide the utmost level of security for our players" blahblahblah standard BS response that I have been getting from Stars for years!

How bout this play? IN the BB in another tourney late...I have KK. Guy min riases on the button. SB calls. WITH KK I raise FOUR TIMES THE MIN RAISE. ANd the guy SMOOTH CALLS with 10 freaking 6 offsuit. He flops two tens with a 5. I of course bet into him...he puts me all in and I am pot committed and cant fold. He turns a 6. YEAH, uh huh...that play always HAPPENS and PLAYS OUT like that in the live play! I sat out the Sat and Sun Beau Rivage tourneys so I could play the big tourneys online.

Had a ticket into the 100K freeroll on Stars...that ended 25 from the money with a bad beat. It was a horrendous weekend. The thing about online poker....that I have noticed...for three years now, is that the level of play on the weekends is SO BRUTAL...you almost cant believe your eyes when you see some of the plays that transpire. Its almost like someone hands $1000 to a total stranger...and makes sure they don't know how to play poker...and just for their own personal amusement...sit and get drunk and stoned and watch them play poker against other players who are good, or at least THINK they are.

I can see how that would maybe be entertaining. By the time I get to Sunday night I am left feeling like...."wow, I must really just SUCK at poker. Maybe I should think about going out and getting a real job, because clearly I can't make a living like THIS!" It really leaves you wanting to either kill someone or yourself. I haven't had a big score on Pokerstars in over a year. Just a small score here and there...enough to make you think you have an excuse to keep playing online. I don't get it.

THere are some players...like SHAUNDEEB for example, that just ALWAYS win online. I know these ...personally. I've played against them online AND live...and there game is in no way ahead of mine...and yet....they dominate online. HOW? It doesn't make any sense!

Last fall, while playing in the Ceaser's Classic...I don't know if I already wrote about this or not....but going into dinner break...and ranting all day about the online play lately, about how if feels like players can see my damn cards with some of the bizaare calls I have been seeing, another player invites me to his room at the Bellagio to check out some pretty amazing software. I accept, because I'm curious...not because I am a potential customer.

I would never CHEAT at poker. I walk into his room and see what puts me in spin mode..and basically caused me to NEVER buy into a tourney over $100 on ANY SITE ever again. Right in front of my face is a computer...with Pokerstars up...and you can SEE EVERY PLAYERS hole cards! WTF!??? Just like now, when after you fold...and you hold the cursor over your cards and your folded hand shows up in shaded gray? That's what everyone elses cards looked like! I couldn't believe it.

He was using a 3-day shareware version given to him by a guy who was trying to sell copies for 100K per. Well, that would be pretty risky for a lot of reasons. Mainly because they write updates to their software (pokerstars) about every 4 days. But if you are the guy who knows how to WRITE the software to hack....why even bother selling copies, putting yourself in that spot? Why not just sit there and crush everyone? So that just makes me think that THOSE GUYS are OUT THERE...crush crushing all of us!

Of course I sent an email to Pokerstars TELLING THEM what I just saw with my own two eyes! Their response? NONE! NO response! Well, then all this shit goes down with Absolute and Ultimate Bet. Big shock! Russ Hamilton is the biggest scumbag on the Poker Planet. I hope he goes to Jail. Or gets whacked by mobsters. I think of all the decent players out there whose confidence, as well as bankroll, has been crushed by these scumbags and jerkoffs just like him/them!

ITS UNBELIEVABLE! Poker is a SKILL game...and they have taken and completely SCREWED the game with these actions! I hate it. And yet I still go on and play? Why? I guess because when I see a place where I can buy in for $10 to win $3000 to $20,000.....how do you NOT feel inclined to take a shot at that huge payday? Even when you know, for almost 98% certainty that you are going to get ass-raped!??? Does that make me/us addicts to online poker? Maybe? I don't know. I just wish somehow they could FIX the problem. Until that happens, the only place I will buy in for more than $100 is in live action.

My back is still in Paris, and I still haven't updated my spreadsheet from Vegas. At least we got a nice little $1000 pop on there from the Beau Tourney. maybe we will get some more this week...I am playing tonight (Tuesday) and probably the rest of the week. I guess I am a little scared to sit down and update it....plus its going to take about two hours! I guess I just need to sit down and knock it out! Its not fair to her to NOT KNOW where we stand on our bankroll. Its just real easy to put things off when you don't want to know the answer!!!!

Its almost that time of year again...when the POOL MONKEY kicks it into high gear. I started my Monkey-ness as the Pool Monkey. For ten years + I have been hosting sports pools. I have a mailing list of over 1500 people who participate annually. I seldom win. And I don't take enough from doing them to deem it a 'profitable venture' but I promised all my 'poolers' that no matter how much I win in poker I will continue with my duties as the "POOL MONKEY," so here comes football season....and I have a $50 NCAA SURVIVOR POOL....a $25 NFL SURVIVOR POOL (with one rebuy up to week 6) a $100 NFL SURVIVOR POOL (same rebuy deal) and then I do a $100 FANTASY LEAGUE...where we usually have two different leagues due to demand. Last years Survivor winners won, $1500 (NCAA) $8,500 (NFL $25) and $12,000 (NFL $100) Its a lot of fun. Keeps me away from sports gambling...which is nice...especially when you are trying to play poker for a living and preserve an always tenuous bankroll. Any of you that are interested in joining my mailing list for my pools shoot me an email at THIS email address.... THEPOOLMONKEY@aol.com. I will add you to the list. Should be an awesome football season. Poker is always a lot more fun when there is a football game to look up at!

This has been a crazy long entry...and I think I have pretty much covered everything that has happened lately, and that is driving me nuts, or making me happy! I'm gonna go try to take down another Beau Rivage final table tonight. Hope to see some of you there!!!!!

MONKEY SEACREST.....OUT!