Monday morning..and I am laying in bed trying to decide how bad I want to go play poker today. Its very sunny out. Squirrel is off today. I am craving Sushi...and I have a pile of mail on my desk...most of it payments for the MidSeason Survivor Pool...which I have topped 200 entries for. Wow. And as the Detroit Lions were looking like they were about to drill the Bears and whack about 45% of that field, and knock me out of the $100 Survivor Pool ($15K for first and only 25 people left in) the Bears mounted a comeback to save my butt. Moments later, I was misplaying my AK against a known donkey...who had raised $1000 (blinds 100/200) into my small blind with me sitting on only 3600 chips.

Like a dumbass I decided to flat call and see a flop. This was in Sundays $340...in which we only saw 80 players show up for. Flop came J high...and as soon as I checked, BOZO moved in. Ugh. A few hands later...a guy raised UTG...and I look down at 99 and decided to ship it. His KK held up and I was done for the day. OMG. I don't know how to share this with you guys the right way...I guess there is just no real easy way to do it. I wish I could have taken a picture and somehow included it with this posting. I had a guy at my table who had the FUNNIEST HAIRDO I have ever seen!

Oh and please don't let me forget about the guy we watched after the Friday night victory. Michael (cant remember his last name...but he sweated/supported my whole final table the other night-I rewarded him with a nice sweat fee!) and I went over to Ventures to see the girls and hang out a little. This short, muscular black guy decides to dress up as some kind of Roman Gladiator I guess....good choice of costume, because it allowed him to prance around all night with his shirt off, which I guess was his dream. "Wow, I can finally walk into a bar/club/casino...without my shirt!" Well, kudos to you meathead.

And no I am NOT JUST JEALOUS because I don't have bulging biceps, six-pack abs and ripped triceps! Okay...maybe just a LITTLE jealous! But not that I would pull that stunt. And of course..he had that walk..you know...when they walk with their head slightly tilted back. Every time he walked by us we started laughing. We couldn't help it. Ah. HAIR BOY! Picture this. About 32 years old. Maybe Italian. Pretty short. Wearing the darkest sunglasses...you know, has to lift them up to see the cards? Nice. Moron.

But this isn't about the glasses, its about the hair. Some of us guys get the 'widows peak' that little Eddie Munster looking thing that some of choose to shave into an even hair line. I do it. I admit it. But I style my hair to HIDE IT. NOOOOO not this clown. And his was very pronounced. Like a 5 o'clock triangle/shadow on the top of his head. ( oh and by the way...I already didn't like this guy because with the blinds 25/50 he was raising 300 with middle pairs)

Then...with his short hair, and almost balding top...he has taken that waxy styling shit...and matted his hair down...pushing it forward. Covering the bald area. And then....RIGHT IN FRONT....he has taken and pushed the 1 and a half inch of hair....STRIAGHT UP...making it look like he has a short picket fence going across the top of his head...protecting the matted turf inside. Ya'all...I'm telling you...you HAD TO SEE IT. It was hilarious. I literally could NOT stop laughing to myself for the first two hours. The guy next to me...after about an hour....says "Monkey...I might be wrong about this...but are you laughing at the same thing I am? That guy's hair?"

Then that just made me laugh harder!!!!! Oh it was TOOO much! I had slept about a total of 7 hours since Thursday night...what with Halloween, my huge win on Friday night...and my two other final tables on Saturday. It was time to go home, spend some time with Squirrel, watch some football, get bubbled/rivered/ass raped on PokerStars....and fall asleep, to slumber for 11 hours...and wake up at 10:14am questioning my desire to go play in a $240 tourney that I expect about 70 to show up for, and not know if I can expect to get ANY Rounder points if I DO make the final table.

I know I wont get any POY/CardPlayer points because the buy in has to be 300 or higher, and there HAS to be 60 players or more. On Saturday, I felt like I might be headed for back to back final tables. Started hot, and I could feel/sense that my table was afraid of me. Always a nice feeling. Then....KABOOM! I called the initial raiser's 150 with 88..then the lady on my left makes it 450. First guy calls.

Well, I knew this lady LOVED to raise with paint...so I elected to put her on AK/AQ. I call. Flop comes A-8-5. Rainbow. Awesome! First guy checks. I check FULLY expecting the lady to bet it. She checks. I ask her...."you not going to bet your ace?" She says..."I was going to let you bet it...but you didn't" Huh? Interesting.

Well, then a 9 hits the turn. First guy checks AGAIN! Me too. Now the lady bets 500. There we go! The kid on my right calls. And I feel something bump me and I'm not sure if I am accidentally getting bumped or if this kid is trying to tell me something. And of course the first thing that goes through my head is...."OH MY GOD...NOT THE KNEE!!!!! NOOOOO....."

So I pretend like I just imagined it! I raise to 1500. The lady folds. Huh? Find out later she had KK. The other guy smooth calls. What the hell? River is a 5. Eights full of fives. He bets out 1500. Hells bells. What have I run into? I know there is NO WAY he has AA. 55? That would be sick. Nope....I call....he has 99. Damn. That hurts. So now I am on deathwatch. I get a SB opportunity to push with A9....two limpers behind....the same lady calls, with Q10....a 1200 shove...into 100/200 blinds.....and promptly hits the 10. I am out....4 hours in. Dang it. No back to back.

So I decide, HEY...it might be fun to go play this $120 Omaha Hi/Lo tourney. After half an hour I am down to 125 chips. Awesome. Then I make a full house holding A-2-3-5.....Threes full of fives. Followed by a nice little 4's full of 7's. Then I go on a tear...making Q's full twice for maxed out pots. I eventually make the final table...and am 2nd in chips. H

ad I elected to get involved in a hand holding Q-Q-9-7 I would have felted the most obnoxious guy at the table ( besides me) and become the overwhelming chipleader...but I made a good laydown preflop like a retard. Then I get rivered by the luckbox...my A-A-2-3 preflop raise runs into his A-K-10-7.....yeah kind of dominating aren't I? He ends up making K's and 10's...ten on the river. (and of course, no LOW hand) EVEN IN OMAHA I cant seem to fade the damn KING TEN! That crippled me.

Then I flop a flush....and get rivered by a guy with a boat. End up going out 6th. Should have won that damn thing. Not sure if that tourney gets reported to CardPlayer or not. I am quite certain I will get NO Rounder points...just wondering if I get another line on my CardPlayer profile, if so, that is TEN final tables for the year. Then I go play a couple sit n gos. Almost win one....go out 4th. Go to play a $60 sng...which I just HATE. Not enough money in there for a two hour commitment. But whatever.

We all start drinking heavily. Halfway through that sit n go I had 80% of the table drinking shots with me and we were already recruiting players for Monkey's Midnight Drunk Fest...starting shortly! Well, now Squirrel calls...she is off work. And in the other room, Rooster and The Claw (Claudia) are both in the money and ALMOST to the Final Table in the noon event. NICE! Meanwhile, Gabe is up in Tulsa texting me that HE is ALSO at the final table up there. Sweet.

We rock! Well, we get down to 3 in the sit n go. WE have also got a bunch of money in the last longer. Squirrel has arrived, looking great...and I buy her into the DrunkFest. And tell her to buy MY seat as well. 10 minutes after midnight we all start getting itchy. We decide to chop the stupid SNG..taking $270 each. Leave the dealer too much of a tip..but who cares.

Get to the drunk fest. FIRST HAND I look at is 10-10...with a known aggressor raising in first position and getting three callers. I MOVE IN! And set the tone for the night! They all fold. There are about 5 tables starting out....pretty damn good turnout for Monkey's Drunk Fest...which is pretty much what I have EVERYONE calling it when I am in there!

I cant give you exact details of how this thing went down...because I was BOMBED. All I know is Squirrel flopped a set...got run down by a flush...and moved to the cash game, where she won a few hundred bucks and I got my 'seed' money back from her. Then I had someone run a large stack into my AA...which held up. I ventured to another table to catch an all in hand....QQ vs. K9 and something else...I promptly told the guy...."dude, no problem, you have a K coming in the window...nothing to get worried about..." Window.....KING. Now I got people thinking I'm psychic..which at times, I think maybe I am.

Somehow....we were all of a sudden at the Final Table. Whoa. Everyone wants to chop. WHY? That's just silly. Also, I have announced that I only play this tourney for fun. That minus my buy in...whatever I win, is being donated to the dealers and the floorstaff for tolerating me during this thing! Lost in all this was that it was a turbo...and by the time we got down to 3...and the guys asked me AGAIN if I wanted to chop...and again I laughed...

I hear this ....."Blinds are 10K/20K...." I look down at my stack and have 35k. WTF? I look across the table at the other two guys with 25K and 45K. Oh. I see. Chop. Yeah...that would have made sense, huh? Oh well. Not sure what I had on that hand...but it all went in...and I lost..and finished in 3rd. I have no idea what I won. I know it did NOT end up in my pocket. Pretty sure I kept my word and gave it all to the dealers and floor. I went out and retrieved Squirrel....and her, I and Phillip Walsh (i.e.QuarterSack on P'Stars) headed for Waffle House, with Squirrel manning my ship and me singing badly to some song I pretended to know the words to. It was a fantastic meal...pretty sure I tipped that girl too much too.

Who cares! Times are tough right? I had a great weekend...might as well make someone's day a little brighter!!!! Got home and fell asleep in my clothes.
Woke up at 11:15am. I think. Couldn't figure it out because the daylight savings time thing was in effect. Is it earlier? Or later?

Dammit. I don't know. I do know this...I look awful and feel almost as bad. But dammit, I need to catch freaking CUB..and I still haven't given up on trying to catch up to Tim Vance for our little POY sidebet I made with him in New Orleans. He is still way ahead..thanks to his win in Copenhagen. But I still have 3 eligible tourneys here at IP and then next month at Venetian. Oh, its November huh? THIS MONTH.

I just found out they added a New Orleans event for December. The same week I will be in the Dominican Republic for the WPT Boot Camp Battle for the Season Pass. And the Lake Tahoe circuit event, that I thought was Dec 1-10th, is actually starting this next week. Strange.

I hope Rounder Magazine doesn't decide to add that New Orleans event to their qualifying schedule. Its hard enough trying to catch Cub without them continuing to shove events on there that I cant attend. Speaking of Cub...he is up in Tulsa too, and from what I can gather not doing too well. He has found time to give me shit on my phone though...always entertaining, that Cub.

You gotta admit, between Him, Me, Gabe and Tim Hebert...we are all really kind of kicking the WORLDS ass this year when it comes to cashes/final tables/POY points. I really think we have some of the BEST players in the world living right here in Biloxi and the surrounding area. I know when I leave here...to go out to Vegas....I am always feeling a lot of relief!

Well, now it is 10:45...and just sitting here talking about poker with you all has gotten me a bit fired up to go and try to win today's tourney. Got a big month coming up in Vegas...and really, it would be nice to get a little money kicked back to my awesome backer before I head out there. She had JUST sent me a check for this event and the next one....I told her to hold it because I was expecting a good run this week. WOW, that was killer. It hasn't got here yet....but when it does, its going on the bulletin board! So this week, I might not be playing for POY and/or ROUNDER points...but I will be playing for some COLD HARD CASH! Nothing wrong with that right!???

Before I forget. There is a kid bartender...working at the IP...his name is JARRET....who makes THE GREATEST DIRTY MARTINI IN THE WORLD! I know...I had about 13 of them on my Halloween Victory March! ALL HAIL JARRET!!!!!!! Oh...also...did anyone catch SNL this weekend? Me either, but I do check out YouTube.com and that clip with John McCain and Sarah "TinaFey" Palin on SNL was absolutely hilarious. What really cracks me up though...is how you have maybe 20% of the people who will just look at something funny and say, YEAH THAT WAS FUNNY.

Then the other 80% are either Hardcore Republicans or DIEHARD Democrats...and it suddenly becomes either "A desperate attempt to win over voters" or "a comedic sensation sure to get McCain elected now." I hate the political slant these clowns place on everything. And no matter HOW this stupid election goes tomorrow, I will just be glad when it is OVER and the commercials stop running. I have to say...Tina Fey is SPOT ON with her Sarah Palin impersonation. Just hilarious. This is kind of interesting too, as much as the media would have you think that Obama is going to win in an almost landslide...

I find these AOL strawpolls to be pretty accurate on most things. And in todays...McCain is KILLING Obama in both popular vote AND Electoral votes. We could be in for a HUGE surprise tomorrow. And if McCain DOES win...oh my gosh....it might be a good day to stay at home and lock your doors! I might actually go and vote now. Talk to you later gang.....time to take a shower and get outa here....... MONKEY