Part 1.

IF YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY OR LOVED ONES EVER THINK ABOUT TAKING A TRIP TO THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC...YOU MAY WANT TO READ THIS EXCITING EDITION OF THE MONKEY BLOG!!!!

[On Sunday morning, after writing for 1.5 hours, picking up where I left off when my battery died on the plane coming home on Saturday...I got to within a paragraph of being done....when my AOL crashed...freezing, and losing everything I had written. Do you know how HARD it is to replicate 1.5 hours of 'off the top of my head' ramblings? Its Tuesday morning now, and I am going to try my hardest...but I am just telling you...going into this, I am really feeling challenged!]

I am conflicted. Do I make this a one-time entry? Or do I make this a three or four part job? Do I leave it up to Wild Bill, our editor-in-chief ((let's try it in four-WB)if that isn't his title, I just gave it to him...YOU HAVE BEEN KNIGHTED, SIR WILLIAM!) to make the decision himself? Or do I just say...."Yo! Listen up blogger boy (or girl)! If you think you have what it takes to read ALL of what I am about to write on this three hour, FIRST CLASS (more on that later) flight from Punta Cana, Dominican Republic to Atlanta then Biloxi...then grab yourself a cold one, rip open some Doritos, maybe some beef jerky (just happens to be what I am totally craving right now!) and sit in your most comfortable leather chair/sofa...and lets get going. [Personally, I have no idea what kind of person it takes to read this crap that I put out, I really, truly don't!]

Day Two Demise

When we last left off, I was coming out of Day One with $26,750 chips..after starting with $20,000. Well, actually I started with 18,750 because while I was busy arriving late then getting stuck in a horrid baggage claim ordeal, shuttle search, long ass shuttle ride, and marathon wait at the hotel registration desk....I was being blinded off. I got in there though....started 'doing work' and had a pretty satisfying first day. Did not feel the least bit affected by the late arrival. I was promised my WPT BOOT CAMP 'bag' that contained (or was supposed to) my BADGE/ID, tourney/event schedule, T-shirt, Hat, towel, and all sorts of various coupons. Ron Rubens, who I think is the coordinator of this deal, had promised to get it to me by the end of the day. As I mentioned in my last entry....he didn't. So when we finished up on Day One...there was NO announcement made about when we were to return the next day. And since I wasn't sharing a room with anyone who might just KNOW...and since I didn't see anyone at dinner who I could discuss that sort of thing with....due to my INABILITY to get a reservation at ANY of the 6 restaurants on property...I was in my bed sleeping. At 8pm I was out like a light. I then woke up at 3am...wide awake. DAMMIT. What to do with myself? Ahhhhh....almost forgot, I have these two NETFLIX movies I haven't watched. Lets watch RAMBO! Sylvester Stallone and his 13 (maybe 14....15, TOPS) lines were riveting...as was his ability to invent new and exciting ways to kill Burmanese bad guys. Heads blown off, holes blown right through the middle of people, legs completely severed, more heads blown off....dudes cut in half and their innards falling out of their bodies, a guy having (literally) his THROAT ripped out of his neck. THROAT RIPPED OUT OF NECK? Is that ...does that.....make sense? Yeah...I'm going with that...its pretty much how I interpreted what I was watching! What I watched was about 94 minutes of blood and guts. Then I was tired again. Cool. Back to sleep.

I woke up at 9 am. Feeling VERY rested. Sat out on my porch, read a little bit of my new book. Had a glass of orange juice. I think it was orange juice. Not positive. Watched a lady try to pose for a picture with a flamingo before the flamingo started chasing her. That was funny. If it was me...and that pink monster was chasing me, I would have just done a drop/roll maneuver and taken that bastard out at the knees. Ever see their legs? Pencil thin. The flamingo would never recover. Those geese though...the big white ones? Like the one who tried to attack me later in the afternoon? They are much more scary...and dangerous. And the sound they make is very terrifying. If I had been packing heat, there would surely have been feathers everywhere and probably an animal cruelty charge being handed out to Monkey Boy. Glad I ran faster than the goose. I still have a little bit of my 'game day breakaway speed.'

Thinking our back time was probably at noon...but not being positive....I actually thought there could be a chance that it was at 2pm, and if it was it would have been nice to spend a little time at the beach, which I had yet to see. So I decided to brush my teeth, throw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and a hat...and looking very 'just outa bed' rolled on up to the casino to find out what time we were to start our Day Two. Walked in....Hmmmm...interesting, if I am not seeing things, that looks like a tournament clock. And it looks like it says 10:14. What IN the HELL? No way! No freaking way! Sure enough....they started at TEN A-freaking-M! I had missed the first FIFTY MINUTES of the level...which was 200/400 with a 50 ante. I missed THREE big and small blinds....so, lets do the math here....1500 in ANTES! And 1800 in BLINDS!!!! A grand total of 3300 chips...GONE! Because I had NO IDEA what time we were back. Why? Because I didn't have the schedule. Why? Because my boy Ron never got it to me. Thank God I didn't wait to go up there until NOON! I would have lost about another 5500! I looked for Ron...and of course, he was no where to be found!

MONKEY GOES PLATINUM.....YIPPPEEEE SKIPPPPPYYY!!!!

So I sit down and pick up AJh at the cutoff. I raise to 1200. This lady in the BB....nasty old hag with an awful red hair do and an even worse brown jogging outfit...looks me up. The flop comes 2-5-4. Hmmm...I might be able to fire out a continuation bet with that flop...ya never know when a 3 might greet me on the turn. CANCEL THAT...that bitch fires a 4000 bet at me! Great. Herrrrrre we go! This lady....two levels later...with the blinds 400/800 and holding 13,000 chips...calls a guy who has moved all in for 8400 (and who holds 88) with A2c. That's right...the always POWERFUL A2c! Hey...not a freaking problem...she makes a flush. Of course. I would win a couple, lose a couple and eventually limp to the dinner break with 14K. Which was NO WHERE where I wanted to be at this stage of the tourney...but I didn't really have a choice. I just never was able to catch any kind of a break.

At the dinner break I finally track down Rebecca Joy...who had been helping out with administrative things for the WPT Boot Camp. The day before she had told me she would try to 'work on' getting me that long sought after Platinum bracelet. The day before Ron tried to convince me that for him to get me one he would have to pay $400! Four hundred dollars. And for a few seconds...I actually believed him. That was until Rebecca was able to make it happen....for a cost of $30 per day for as many days as I would like to have it. Well, okay that would be THREE days please. $90. And boom! Just like that, I had my Platinum bracelet finally. No more getting clowned by Gavin, and Clonie, and Kenna, and Chip..and Matt Savage. Monkey was now a Platinum bracelet-wearing mother#@(*&#!@ like the rest of those guys!

It was later that I would find out that 'international' drinks (this is what they call ANYTHING that doesn't come from their island...so basically...EVERYTHING) come with a fee, usually 4 to 7 dollars. The bracelet? Sorry sir...that doesn't work in the casino, only in the hotel and hotel area. You gotta be kidding me. Nope. That's the deal. And this Platinum Club I was so hot to check out? An open air lounge...like one you would find at a tacky golf course...only open air...so it was really hot and humid, and lacking any people or any thing else you might find interesting. Wonderful. Platinum means you can order room service 24 hrs a day, and its complimentary. Sounds great...until you actually try to do it. Especially when your phone doesn't have any FREAKING BUTTONS ON IT! That's two days now without a phone where I could push any buttons! Incidentally...the phone NEVER did get switched out with one that HAD buttons on it. And after rigging the TV to work with my magical wiring job...the maid must have tripped over the cable or something, obviously, because she jammed the cable into the wrong input...which effectively shorted something out in the TV and it never again got a signal. Platinum bracelet also will NOT get you a new TV.

We come back from break and I have experienced a table change. Our whole table has broken WHILE we were on dinner break. Perfect...so while everyone else is playing...we are searching for our table...which, by the way are not marked with table numbers, like MOST poker rooms/tournaments. I finally get to my table...and there is Karen Lester...she of the over 50 age but under 25 dress, breasts (nice, dont get me wrong) hangin out...her CD with Kenna James (one song, a poker-themed song) laying on the table in front of her...and her husband Mark situated where she is in the BB when he is on the button. They would lock horns NUMEROUS times througout the day. Just a tiny little while after I sit down...I catch Karen raising 3x...and Rick Fuller moving all in for...yeah, lets call it about 12K! Karen calls...with AJ offsuit, Rick flips over 10-10 and says..."Ah....Karen...what are you doing Karen?" Karen turns a J and Rick is outtttaaa here. Nice call Karen. Your breasts still look nice, though. Seat open, Seat 1. Hey, lets bring in our longtime good buddy T.J. Cloutier. Why not?