Day of Customer Dis-Service....

You know what sucks?

When I am in a backwards ass 3rd world country...and keep thinking to myself "God I love living in the USA. Man, I can't wait to get home!"

Then...when I get home...I am literally 41 minutes on home turf before I am looking at the face of a police officer who is telling me I have 2 options, one of which involves getting in the back of his police car and going to jail.

Hmmmm...maybe I'm not loving the USA as much at that moment. Then, 24 hours later, I spend the day getting the total runaround by jackasses posing as Customer Service reps as I attempt to clean up my personal BS in my life that we all deal with.

First, I will start by saying am sitting here, safely, on my couch...not my bedroom, watching TV. Not my bedroom, because when I went to Cable One today to replace our piece-of-shit cable box that has decided to stop performing the tasks that we require of it, the woman forgot to give me the power cord that plugs into the back of the unit. Hey! Awesome! I get to go back there tomorrow, and stand in that fucked up line...AGAIN!

There is currently a blogger/comment exploding on my blog deal here. Nice. Hadn't had one of those in a while. It involves Brandon Jarrett and some of those infamous 'anonymous' readers. Brandon is allowing himself to get way to worked up over this one. Regardless, it involves issues that I have no information on, nor choose to get involved with...and when that is the situation, I tend to do the smart thing, and say nothing.

Did anyone see this thing on either YouTube or the CBS Morning Show about this 14 year old black kid who lost his eyesight to cancer when he was a small child? Simply amazing. He uses echo-technology to figure out his surroundings. Using these clicking noises he is able to identify everything around him. His mother is equally inspiring with the way she has handled the whole thing. A really great story. Stories like this make me feel pretty insignificant, yet wanting to do something really cool.

Then I see this kid, this running back for USC...who was working out and dropped a weight bar on his throat, crushing his larynx...whoa! Could have, and probably should have...killed him, but today he left the hospital. Awesome! Heres to hoping that guy recovers fully and comes back to play ball again!

So. Back to shitsville. Prior to flying to Aruba, I go buy two nice new nylon duffle-like bags that will allow me to pack enough for two weeks but still come in under 50 lbs at the Delta baggage check in. They have gotten so effin ridiculous with this baggage bullshit. Here gas is hovering at around $2.20 a gallon, lower than 5 years ago..yet this stupid bag fee they instituted when gas prices skyrocketed to $4+ a gallon LAST summer...is still in place. Why? Because its a racket. So I check in, my bags both weigh only 40 lbs, due in part because the bag itself is only 2 lbs empty, whereas a piece of standard luggage weighs about 7 lbs emtpy. I get to Aruba, both of the metallic labels on the side of the bags have been completely sheared off. Whatever...same 'ol shit, Delta just abuses luggage.

Well, then I get home. I am already in the midst of a HUGE war with T-Mobile, as to why I havent recieved a single phone call or text message in over 7 days. Even after I got into Atlanta, for a 3 hour layover...still nothing! I was freaking out! Well, Squirrel arrives at the airport at 10:55pm...a full 35 minutes after my plane landed at Gulfport/Biloxi airport....which is right on their typical time to get us our baggage. I've been ranting on this fucking airport now for about 3 years. All the passengers are just pacing around...getting that super-irritated look on their face. Not me. I know better. I expect it. GPT=Ridiculous wait times. In fact, its almost become a source of amusement for me. I already have this little pet peeve regarding passengers who always BOLT out of their seat as soon as the plane hits the gate, only to find themselves standing their like retarded statues for the next 4-7 minutes as they wait for the planes' door to open. So stupid. So I am the guy who always gets off the plane LAST! Because at a lot of places, by the time I get to baggage claim, my shit is just arriving. People crack me up. So at GPT its even greater...they are in such a rush...to get to the baggage claim...where they are automatically going to sit there and wait for at LEAST 25 minutes guaranteed!!!!

I interrupt this blog to let you know I just was forced to mute my TV. Are you kidding me? Great game too, Boise State and Tulsa...but Lou FUCKING Holtz doing the play by play with Reece Davis? What? Daffy Duck was off tonight? Elmer Fudd not available? Its bad enough having to listen to this babbling fool in the studio during pregame and halftime, but I always thought that once we got to the stadium we were safe. Not anymore! Son of a .......

Back to baggage. First two bags come out...unscathed. Take them out to the car. Kiss Squirrel. Hug my dogs, who have made the trip from home. Go back for the 3rd and final bag. There it is! Oh no. What is THAT? My boxers!?? Hanging out the top? And...oh you have to be kidding me...everything else. I think I know now why the bags took so long. They were out on the tarmac playing a game of soccer with it. My bag is completely trashed, the zipper completely torn off the bag.

I could make this a really long story here. But in the interest of your life I won't. Lets just say I tried to get the problem fixed by going to the ticket counter. The guy behind the counter? 5'5 tall. Beard, shaggy hair, glasses. Cross between Harry Potter, Richard Dreyfuss, and a troll. Total asshole. Unhelpful, condescending...I wanted to kill him. At some point I threaten his job with future phone calls. At some point he radios for 'someone' who turn out to be the Gulfport police. At some point cop decides to let me leave without arresting me for 'creating a public disturbance' even though the only one within 50 yards of the ticket counter was yours truly. I called Delta to explain my situation. I was instructed to go back there the next day before 5pm and my problem would be resolved then.

Think it was resolved? Nope. Despite describing my bag to the 'baggage supervisor' in Atlanta, and being told I would be reimbursed, upon arriving at the GPT airport today, and the doofus looking at my bag, I was told that Delta doesnt cover anything involving zippers, handles or wheels. Well, hey now...isnt that a little TOO convenient for Delta? I mean...what is a piece of luggage anyway? Pretty much a case that involves a handle, a zipper and usually wheels, right? Fucking amazing. And before I drove the 20 miles to and from the airport this asshole on the phone in Atlanta couldn't tell me this? I was ready to punch this guy in the face. But instead I just laughed. FUCK YOU DELTA AIRLINES! AND FUCK YOU GULFORT/BILOXI AIRPORT! Touchdown Boise State! Hey Jasper want a skoobie snack? Yes, I am randomly shouting at you now!

So then I decide to get creative. Hmmm...I have the reciept from buying this bag just 13 days ago. I go over to the outlet stores where I got it. I go to exchange it. The manager tries to deny the exchange because she thinks I flew with it. "We don't do exchanges on damages resulting from airlines." Airlines? Who said I flew anywhere? I took a trip to the beach for the weekend! "Oh, well it sure looks beat up!" Yes ma'am it sure does, doesnt it? And that folks is good 'ol Delta Airlines for you. If you pay more than $100 for a piece of luggage, and fly Delta...you are a fucking moron! Oh, I got my bag exchanged for a new one! Monkey wins that battle.

I would lose the next one. It took place at T-Mobile. They cannot figure out...and this took a full hour and a half at their tiny, over-packed office for them to arrive at this conclusion...how to fix my problem with my phone. So I am now stuck trying to decide whether or not to switch carriers.

Had a very interesting exchange of text messages today with a guy who works for the WSOP and other poker events and is someone I count as a friend in poker. First I should say this. On the last day in Atlantic City I decided to try and get right with some people and broke off some emails, one to Jim Pedullah at Ceasers Palace. A week went by without an answer from him. Finally I emailed him asking for a simple acknowledgement that he had recieved my email. He responded with a one sentence reply..."I got your email." Um. Oh. Thanks? Well, this friend I mentioned asked if I am going to be playing in New Orleans at the upcoming Harrah's event. Told him about the recent mess. So he emails Pedullah yesterday. Pedullah tells him that I am ONLY 86'd at Ceasers. Period. What? So these guys at Harrah's New Orleans are keeping an 86 on me for what? The letter from their Director of Security stated that 'based on notes found in our database regarding you dating back to 2005 we have determined that it is not in our or your interest that we allow you back on our property until further notice." Huh? So, the fact that I have played there the last 3 years with no incidents to speak of, and several high dollar cashes that resulted in me tipping the staff very generously...and then promoting the SHIT out of the last event...to where it produced a record number of players, seems to provide an environment that I CLEARLY should not be allowed to play there right?

I kind of think this little shit storm was started by the asshole who reads my blog and decided to write a little email to the poker room manager at Harrah's, Larry Barnett...telling him that I should NOT be allowed there...since I have been '86'd from all Harrah's properties across the country' when in fact, just as I had stated earlier...my ban was limited to only Ceasers. So...to that asshole out there....FUCK YOU! Don't worry you prick, I kind of think that the people I have working on my behalf to get everything cleared up are stronger than you and your attempts to wage war on me by sending emails like a fucking weasel! Why don't you find a life pal, maybe look in a gutter somewhere, think I saw one there the other day. I would love it if you would come up to me one day...right in front of my face...and tell me "Hey Monkey, I'm the loser who shot that email to Harrah's, doing everything I could do to get you banned from there." You ever seen someone have their hand seperated from their arm? I would volunteer to give you a free demonstration. From what I understand...it's very painful. And it makes it hard to write too.

USA just tied Costa Rica late in the game in their final World Cup qualifier, thus locking up the #1 seed in their region. I don't play soccer, but I think based on the excitement of the players, fans and people in the studio, that this was a good thing.

If you owe me money, please do not utter this phrase to me..."Hey I don't know why you haven't gotten the check yet. I mailed it last week." FUCK YOU! This is 2009. Get PayPal like everyone else! Or walk into your local branch and simply transfer it into my account. Or send me money on a poker site. Or go to freaking Wal Mart and Money Gram that shit. "Checks in the Mail!" Blow me. Pretty funny, while watching TV last night...'To Live and Die in LA' comes on...from like 1985. And one of the classic lines in the movie, uttered by John Turturro to Willem Dafoe, was "yeah yeah...don't lie to me man! Checks in the mail....I love you....I won't cum in your mouth!"

Its almost time for the NBA season to start. Does anyone care>? Oh, and...the NHL season already started. Did anyone catch that? NASCAR is coming down the stretch. The old man, Mark Martin is trying like hell to win his first ever Cup Championship before he dies...but Jimmy Johnson looks like he is going to win his fourth in a row. How good is this guy? Meanwhile, on the other side of the garage at Hendricks...Dale Jr continues to suck. At least D.E.I. isnt missing him...they've been totally dominant since Jr. left! Good job Theresa.

Things are back to normal on Pokerstars. Even gave Full Tilt a little spin last night. Went 0 for 3 on tilt. Then was 0 for freaking 16 on Stars in MTTs/SNGs until cashing three times to end the night and bring me down off the ledge. About to get after it again here....granted its 9:30pm...but thats about standard. Can't believe that lady didn't give me a power cord. Dammit!

Okay. I think thats it. Who is coming to play at the IP event? I hope everyone. I hope this event is huge! I hate Delta airlines. T-Mobile sucks. I love my dogs. Why can't the whole world be...just...dogs? Grrrrrr.......

MONKEY