Monkey 'Rain Man' Souther...and we continue....

What is the right move? Adding the rest of the story to the BOTTOM of what I already wrote? Or just putting up a new post and making you guys scroll all the way to the bottom and read from the bottom up like the Chinese do? Wait...is that Chinese or Arabic that read from right to left? Whatever...I don't care...

Right now, all I care about is that before I hit ONE keystroke I was treated to that nightmare of a commercial where all those idiots are leaning out their window screaming about it being their money and wanting it now! JG Wentworth and Associates.

Why can't every commercial be funny? The Allstate commercials are my favorite right now. "I'm a tree limb...in a storm...shaky shaky!!!!" Or there's "I'm a satellite dish, and today I'm a little fuzzy, so you try to fix me...uh oh, but now I'm loose!"

By the way...if you are one of the 4% of my readers who are logging in to see if I've won anything lately, I guess we could first cover that before we get to the amazing story of me going 'Rain Man' on the Blackjack tables at Horseshoe in Tunica. (I say that, by the way, with dripping sarcasm!)

Arrived Thursday night, late. Slept. Friday, played the $350. Turnout was 71 I think. So at least it was P.O.Y. eligible. I got knocked out around 6pm. Then I played the 7pm $160. I lost that also. Can't remember how. Decided to play cash game. Big mistake should have just gone to my favorite online poker room. Bought in for $300. Four times. Went to bed...pretty late.

Showed up for the $560 Main Event on time. Immediately noticed that I had lost my $100 prop bet (with two different guys) on the over/under number I had set for entries. I put it at 63. We got 111. whoops. Didn't miss by too much. Good structure. 20k starting chips. Had a relatively decent table, by Tunica standards. 3 guys at my table who were to be feared...and by feared, I am speaking of the 10x preflop raises, the calling any random raise with hands like K10, A3 thru A9...you know those guys. So the cooler beat is always looming. 'Keep the pots small, keep them small.....'

Fluctuated between 14k and 30k for the first 6 levels. Got AA once and actually made something off of it. Got AA again and got nothing. But I was getting a LOT MORE action on my raises than I typically get. Why? Easy...I was in Tunica. Respect in Tunica is a word reserved for the local Justice of the Peace. I lose with AK vs. a guy shoving KQ...flops a Q...perfect. Now down to 16k at 300/600. Pick up AJ at cutoff. Raise to 1800. Button calls. He likes calling. BB completes. Flop comes 8-2-6, rainbow. BB checks. I would usually bet here...and would have, were it not for the guy on the button. I check. He also checks. I turn a J. Nice. BB checks. I bet 3500. Button folds. BB calls. ???

River is a 5. BB checks again. I bet 7000. Leaving 6k behind. He tanks...then goes all in. Nothing makes sense. I finally call. He turns over 55. For a set. On the river. You gotta be kidding. I just stand there...looking at the board, and him...shaking my head....

When he says..."What? I'm sorry...I put you on AK or AQ!" I should add we both had close to the same amount of chips. How he made that call on the turn, I have no clue...but I am use to this in Tunica. I left...and retreated to my hotel room.

Came back and played that night's $160. It started out good. Then ended bad. Another loss. That was when I got up...and needing a place to decompress, made my way to the $10 blackjack table. Which is where that story will start.

But first...I played again on Sunday...in Kenny Piel and Mike Woods' cash blast tourney that they started there last year. You buy in for $300 +$40 juice, and you get $300 in chips to play with. Blinds start out at $5 and $5 and go up from there. At any point in the tourney...you can opt out and cash out whatever you have at the time in chips. They added a $1600 Main Event seat for the January event at Harrah's for the overall winner, so there was more incentive to play it out. (Unless you consider coming back to Tunica for any reason the opposite of an incentive, then it could be considered a deterrent instead)

I would say it was fun...but I would be lying. I was still kind of hurtin from the night before, and I had a lady at my table who had decided when she sat down at my table Friday night that she hated me. Yeah, that wasn't a typo, I said FRIDAY...and yes, this was Sunday.

She was from West Virginia...and everytime a rule at the table turned out to be something she disagreed with, it was met with..."well they don't have that rule where I'm from." Rules like, antes in tourneys. Like the new player from another table being able to assume the big blind. I think she must be a veteran of the VFW circuit up in fabulous WV. Her secret strategy was to try and befriend each dealer that pushed in, as she was in the 1-seat, then wait for a moment to cause tension. Once I was having a conversation with another player in the 8 and 10 seat...and a guy had missed that there had been a raise...and she starts popping off that "because of all the other noise at the table, he probably couldn't hear the dealer say raise!!!" Mmmmmmm....yeaaaaaaaah. There ya go!

I had kids like that in school. Usually though that crap stopped after 8th grade. But then...I kind of started just having fun with her presence. See, she is one of those people who potentially can make big problems for me...but not in this place. No way. I had too many allies behind me up there. But nonetheless...I wasn't going to give her ANYTHING she could use against me. So I just started using stealthy ways to antagonize her. If you were at the table...you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you weren't, which most of you obviously weren't, you will sit there wondering what I did. Sorry. That's all you get. But she got busted before I did, and that was my victory.

Shortly after that...and after that table busted, I limped with QJ suited. Got raised by the guy in the BB...who had a massive chiplead...so I figured it was likely he was just pushing the table around. I had about 400 chips at that point. I called his raise. The flop came Q-J-7. Pretty nice flop. He led out. I re-raised him. We got it all in. He had 77. Of course he did. I laughed. Told him nice hand. Shook a few players hands...went and found Dale Carden, the tourney director...thanked him for having me. And that was it for my poker trip to Tunica...except for a late night cash session with some folks from Ante Up magazine after our memorable dinner at Binions steakhouse...in which I managed to profit $259 to cut into my deficit for the trip.

Now...good lord, can we get to the Dream Session I had at the blackjack table? Or should I string you guys on a little more? Ohhhh...that is awfully tantalizing, that potential option.

Did I tell you about my spider bite? I am told that the average human swallows 7 spiders a year in their sleep! That freaks me out. Well, Cheryl washes our sheets quite regularly, and our bed sits pretty high off the ground...so how spiders would get into our bed I have no idea...but after reading that stat I feel compelled to start wearing SARS masks to bed. Well last week, I woke up...got naked, and went to take a shower...and have two almost identical marks on my right side. One right below my armpit, on my side...and the other on the side of my right buttock. (Ive always thought BUTTOCK is a funny word...and now it always reminds me of Forrest Gump!).

Tosh.O is starting. New episode. Oh yeahhhhhh its the episode with Miss South Carolina doing her web redemption! And it started with one of the ugliest kids I've ever seen doing a video where he is pounding soda. I'm fired up...been waiting for this episode for weeks!

Watched movies in the car on the drive home from Tunica with Squirrel yesterday. Ready for a movie that will have you begging for two hours of your life back? Well, in your defense, there is no way on Earth you will make it to the end, why? Because you will be in a better place than I was. See...in a car...your only other option if its your last movie, is to listen to static-laden radio from the country....or nothing.

The movie you ask? You may have never even heard of this nightmare that someone talked SOMEONE into producing. "The First Daughter" starring Katie Holmes...and Michael Keaton, as the President of these United States. Bad writing, bad acting, bad plot, bad soundtrack...just awful. Squirrel put in earplugs...put two pillows over her head in the passenger seat...and hid from it!

Today we had our carpets shampooed, got a new garbage disposal put in...she bathed the dogs, and is now putting up Christmas decorations. I am blogging. Oh...I guess I did book my airfare to Atlantic City for the Harrah's WSOP event.

Wow...this might be the greatest Tosh.O ever!

Okay...I AM going to string you along longer. By the time you finally read the story...it might just be ONE BIG LETDOWN.

Monkey