Poker Gods have a Plan......

....they must, because this is becoming a cruel joke.

I don't even know how to start this. I came into my room last night at 2:30am, so deflated, wanting to write, to try and bleed off the feelings that I was carrying...but just couldn't bring myself to. So instead I laid here tossing and turning all night.

Couple of things before I get to the last 48 hours. The structure has turned out to be just amazing. A lot of good players are making it deep in all the tourneys so far. Sure, we are coming back the next day with a lot of players, but NO ONE seems to mind. The players in the SNG's are frighteningly bad, but lucky for me, I have only gotten a chance to play 3 SNG's so far (winning one).

I am having huge technology issues that are about to drive me nuts. Facebook continues to baffle me. I can't get any updates to load on my phone. I wake up yesterday and my wireless mouse for my computer just STOPS working. And the touchpad is LOCKED because my computer sees a wireless mouse. So I spend 2 hours on the phone with Dell, getting it to work. So either my mouse is dead and I need a new one...or I am just screwed. I cannot play online poker with the touchpad. Something about Vista that is so screwed up...if your cursor sits in one place too long, it AUTOMATICALLY clicks on it. Great, when you have it floating over 'CALL' when some dude moves all in for all of your chips and you are sitting there with 37 offsuit and leaning over to grab your bowl of cocoa puffs. Oh...lookie there, Vista/Microsoft/Dell just cost me the tournament. AWESOME! Is there someone I can call about that in India?

So, my Sunday plan to skip the $550 (On Mother's Day and grossly under attended with only 128 players) and play the Sunday Million, a few of the other big tourneys, and the $650 WSOP satellite went up in smoke. Meanwhile Squirrel was over in Pensacola celebrating her best friends birthday when she went out and lost her phone. Again. Squirrel gets drunk and things disappear. So she is back to square one on rebuilding her phone list. That sucks.

I have a few more people on my list that I would love to punch in the face. Tops on this list is GLENN BECK! Never had watched this clown before, until yesterday, while I was holed up in my broom closet (nice room Hilton, you pieces of shit!) talking to Dell on the phone. Wow, does anyone watch this guy? What a DOUCHEBAG! All I could think about was "wow, this is that guy in high school who was always a dipshit, who got beat up all the time, now he somehow (through some act of God) got a show on TV and thinks everything he says is witty and funny." Kai and I sat watching this joker and both had the exact same take on him. WHO enjoys this guy? I now have someone on TV who ranks right up there on the 'PUNCH ME LIST' with Nancy Grace. And add to that list ANYONE who claims to be in the Taliban. Are these not the biggest wastes of DNA on the planet? And of course any Somali Pirate. Three people I would like to repeatedly SLUG or wail on with a sock full of nickels.

I guess I will get to poker now. Saturday I went back excited and with 33 players remaining in Event 1. In our first 6 hands we literally lost 4 players on my table. And before the first level was half done we were already re-drawing to 27 and 3 tables. Not long after that we were down to 18. I floated around 100k for awhile. Then with 18 left I call a shortstacks all in with AK...he turns over AA. Lovely. I don't hit Broadway. Now have only 60k. Get NOTHING for cards for two orbits, and with 55k and the blinds at 6k/12k I have to move in with A8s. I run into 1010 and don't improve. Not much I could do. I didn't feel too bad. Of course it would have been nice to win...but I played well, outlasted 556 other players and got my trip started right. Then the next day I see their daily 'WSOP Daily News Update' flyer out in the lobby, and for 16th place they show 'William Carrey....hometown..N/A....$1165' isnt THAT nice? Thanks guys for getting that right. Whatever. Hopefully Nolan Dalla gets that fixed.

So once that ended I decided to play the 5pm $340 Pot Limit Hold Em tourney. Hadn't played a Pot Limit Hold Em tourney in quite a while. I loved it. Only 75 players played so it was a good shot at winning a ring, something I would REALLY like to go out to Vegas with this summer. And once again, I came close. The field was holding very firm...at 2am we STILL had 25 players. There are no antes in Pot Limit, so that kind of results in players surviving longer. Yesterday's litany of bad beats kind of have made me forget how I went out in this one. All I know is that I played 9 and a half hours...and with it only paying 9...I got knocked out 12th...shortstack I ran 66 into AK/QQ and 99. Nice. AK guy hit two kings. When that ended I shot over to my room that Kai had procurred for us earlier. It is tiny.

So yeah, Sunday...sit out of the $550. Get my computer working finally. Decide to go over and play a SNG or two then play the $340 at 5pm. The first SNG I lose early. Flop is K-7-7 with me holding K10d. Check. He bets, I call. Turn is Jd. Yeah...not going anywhere there. He bets, I go all in, he calls, with KQ. Yepppp...so, all I need is any A,10,K or 7 (to chop) or any diamond to win. BRICK! Next!

Sit down and on the FIRST hand...donkey raises UTG from 25/25 to 250! Herrrrre we go. Folds around to the clown on the button, who goes ALL IN! Ummm...nice start. First guy calls, with AA (nice value raise sir) and the tardo on the button turns over, ahem....AJ. Nice move sir. Have a nice day. This SNG would end up taking almost 3 hours. The guy with the AA would go out 6th. He was horrible. I was down to 600 chips with 5 left, then got 33 to hold up against AJ, 88 to hold up against 77 and before I knew it...we were 3 handed with the blinds 1k/2k. I had a 5 to 1 lead over both players in a two winner SNG. That is when I really HATE the two winner sit n gos. It would have been great to wipe both of these bozos off the map and pocket $1200 (as we had a $20 last longer with the WHOLE table in). But now its 5:30...the floor supervisor has had one of the dealers get me registered for the 5pm tourney so I don't get froze out...and I need this to end. If (yeah, if) I win...I stand to get $550 and then $100 of the last longer, for a total of $650. So I make them a deal...I mean after almost three hours, its kind of sad to think one of these players are going to leave with ZIP. So I offer them both $350. They jump at it. Fine. So I make $600. Tip the dealer $20, while the other two leave her $5. Five dollars. Thanks. Almost caused me to leave her another $10. Glad now I didn't after what she does to me in the 5pm tourney.

So I scoot over to my table in the $340. We started with 7k in chips. I was quickly down to 5k after missing a couple huge draws, and being outkicked on another hand. No big deal. still 5k and a great structure. No panic in this Monkey! I finesse my way back up to 8500 by Level 5. We started with 148 players and people were NOT losing fast at all. I had a great table draw, never got moved for 10 levels. Had a nice seat on the rail, good for yakking with rail birds and friends from other tourneys.

With 14k I get AA in the SB...no ACTION behind. Dammit. Whatever. I raise this lady in the BB. She calls. KKx flop (cant remember that card, doenst matter) I decided to check there, see if she bets...my luck she has K10, right? She checks. Hmmm, okay, should be safe here. Some spade card hits the turn. I bet the pot. She calls. What? Another spade hits the river, three on the board. Wonderful. I bet half the pot. She calls. 67s. Perfect. She apologizes. Whatever. AA no good, again.

A little while later, I have 9500. Guy with 5200 raises from 200/400 to 1200 UTG. I look down at KK. I reraise to 3600. Folds around to guy in the BB...who moves all in for 8800. First guy calls. I'm not folding. No way. I call. Me and the guy in the BB BOTH have KK. The idiot to my right, who thinks a raise and a re-raise means his JJ are definitely GOOD there decides to call also, and the dealer gives him a Jack on the turn. Come on! So now I am down to 4200 and just irritated.

Two hands later, in the BB and holding Q9s...the guy raises me heads up in the blinds. Alright buddy, I ship it! He calls..with A6d. Nice hand sir. Flop brings two diamonds, with a 9. I almost HOPE I lose, so I can go play in the 9pm $200 tourney that got a huge field last night. But nope, he misses a diamond and an ace...and I double up to 8500.

I go up and down between 12k and 8k for the next two levels then our table breaks. Sit at my new table and get KK first hand UTG...raise, get a walk and show KK. Find out in about 5 minutes that I have been moved to 'The Table From Hell.' Guy in Seat 9...wearing his hip hat...looks like he should be playing in a jazz band down on bourbon street, and from watching him play poker...I would have preferred a two drink minimum to watch him sing than the free drinks I was getting to watch him play poker. He was a nightmare. But a really nice guy. How do you force yourself to want to kill a guy when he is so damn pleasant? Its tough.

I get AQd. He limps UTG for 600. Someone else limps in. On the button I bump it up to 2800. He calls. Lord. Flop comes K-9-10. Nice place for a semi-bluff if he checks. Which he does. I bet out 4500. He ponders it for a while...then calls. Ughhhh. The turn is like a 4. He checks. Fuck it. I check. Then he starts nodding that "yep...thats what I thought...." nod. I basically HAVE to hit the straight or maybe an Ace here or I am done. The river is a blank..he checks to me...and I surrender. He shows A9. Offsuit. Dude.

A bit later, I raise in MP with 66. Guy in BB smooth calls. Flop comes K-4-5 with two spades. I have one spade. He checks to me. I bet out 3500. He goes all in. Shit. Another 5100 to call. I have around 16k. Start thinking about it. Part of me is thinking he is on a flush draw. So I ask where he is from. He won't answer me. I want to know if he is from the area...as I find everyone down here likes to gamble on the flush draw. Is he check-raising me with a flush draw? Very likely. I am thinking (and saying out loud to him and the whole table) that it doesnt make sense that he would check a hand like KQ,KJ...just too risky...so I decide I think he has a flush draw. So I am about 50/50 maybe. But since I can't really decide, I do my coin flip, to which the guy (spooky psycho guy that everyone was thrilled to see leave when he finally lost) on my right shouts out "Yes, I LOVE IT..the coin flip!" well it lands on heads...which means "I call." He turns over, ugh...KQ. Okay. Well...nice hand. Bad read by me. I turn the 3 of spades! Nice...open ended WITH a flush draw. I hit the 10 of spades on the river! Wow. Nice pot! Really nice. Puts me up to around 30k...and now I am really liking my chances to win this thing. I feel bad for the guy though. I take him aside, away from the table...so it doesn't come off sounding condescending...and talk to him about how he played the hand. Give him my opinion, on how he should have taken that pot down on the flop and just moved in on me. But he was intent on gambling there on a bigger pot. I could respect that. And he harbored no bad feelings. I told him if I got top 3 I would give him his buy in back. And I would have.

Kai, who is at the table next to me..and who has started sending me Red Snappers...grrrr..against my better wishes (don't like starting the Red Snappers before we are in the money...but oh well) trades 10% with me since we now have both got great stacks. His being greater. Mine would soon get even better.

Goofball on my right raises an UTG limper, to which Jazzman calls in the BB with...ya ready? Q-7. First limper folds. The flop comes...Q-7-4. He checks. Gooofy bets pretty large. BB raises. They get it all in. KK on this side of the table. No help on the turn, and another 7 on the river. Dude flips out. Granted, I would be pissed too...but I guess he had flipped out about 4 times before I got to the table and everyone was very glad he was gone. But this guy in the 9 seat was really scaring me. As was this lady in the 3 seat.

A guy who hadn't played a hand in FOREVER finally picks up a hand UTG and moves all in for 5300. This lady calls on the button. Calls, sitting on 9500 chips! They turn over their cards. He has KQ suited...she has KING NINE. Ya, Ya...I know, its my favorite hand...but not in THAT situation! They flop a K....and this wench rivers a freaking NINE! You gotta be kidding me. This lady was just horrid. In a later hand I would raise her with AK. She calls. THe flop comes K-10-8. She checks to me and I just moved in. I can't remember the conversation but she says something like "Yeah Monkey, when I grow up I wanna be just like you!"

I tell her..."no, you really don't lady. I have issues that you could never deal with!" Then she says "I have played with Monkey before in Tunica (ah! Ding! There ya go! Tunica! Figures!) and he is really, really intelligient, but he acts like he does because he is really insecure!" To which that whole side of the table starts laughing. THey all look to me for a reaction...and I just say "actually she's right...not sure why you all are laughing...."

I raise UTG again with AK. Derby Dude in the 9 seat looks me up again! Heeerrre we go. Everyone else folds. The flop comes A (thank God) X-X...two spades. I am not getting cute and letting this guy suck out on me. I had raised 4500 preflop...(600/1200)....I bet out 10k. He ponders for awhile....noooo....don't have a flush draw!....then folds. Shows me 1010. I show him AK. Mutual trust and respect with this guy is building now. Then in the BB the next hand I pick up A3c. He limps again. Someone else limps. The SB completes. The flop comes A-2-3. NICE. I decide to check raise. No one bets. DAMN. The turn is a Q. Of hearts. Flush draw now. No more dicking around. I bet out 7500. He stews again....and folds a gutshot. I show two pair. I am now accumulating a NICE stack of chips. I am up over 50k now. Kai over there has about 40 or 50 himself. Things are shaping up very nicely.

I take a kid out in the BB. I am in the SB with KQ. He is shortstacked. He does that thing where they push their stack up before you act...which to me, always MEANS they are fairly weak and are hoping they can scare you into giving them a walk. I tell him this. I do that a lot. Told this guy the night before he was doing that, when he raised me on the button, then pushed his stack up near the betting line. FEAR. Its one of the easiest reads in poker. I didn't look at my cards against that guy. I potted it for a huge raise in the BB. And he meekly folded. Yup. So against this kid I explained to him what he just did. Then put him all in. He called! Oh! Really? Expected to see something better than QJ. He lost. Up to 60k.

Then it happened.

The guy (name is escaping me now) who owns the Frat House here in New Orleans (a fun club) and a good player...limps in UTG for 1200. I look down at QQ...and because our favorite Donkette is in the BB...I decide to raise a little EXTRA...I make it 7,000. I'm 95% certain that Frat House is folding, he doenst limp with Aces, its not his style. Well, sweetie pie over there FLAT CALLS 7000. And leaves 21,000 behind. This should be good. Frat guy folds. The flop comes out AKQ! She goes all in! What? No way in hell she has J10. No way she flatted with AA or KK. I HAVE to be good. I call. She has KQ! Offsuit! What? Lucy...the dealer from the earlier Sit N Go...turns a MOTHER(*!@#@*&( KING! NO FUH-REAKING way! I'm drawing dead. Where I should be stacking a HUGE pile of chips...taking over the chiplead...and be sitting there with over 100k and coasting...I am now sitting on a meager 22k...with the average now being 34k. Son of a BITCH!

Then I pick up QQ on 2 of the next five hands. I win both. So now I am back up to 28k and have people encouraging me to keep it together. We are down to 3 tables. Okay Okay...I can still do this. Right? Still want to kill this lady. All year this is how shit has been going. Playing great...making good folds, good calls (except for that one with 66 that I got lucky on) good reads, just going along great...playing in a tourney with a great structure, having fun...keeping the table exciting....I mean everything going perfect...and then BOOM! Get completely ass raped by a donkey! 2009 to a T.

We go on break. After we come back I lose about half my stack. This old guy who has just been moved to our table has already shoved all in on my BB three times now. And now, with 12k he does it again. I look down at A9. Coupled with me being sick of him shoving on me...I also think I probably have him beat. WRONG. He has AJ. Shit. I miss the 9 or anything else helpful and now I have a woeful 14k. Well, a few hands later I get 10-10 UTG. Okay cool. I move all in to win a pot around 5k. I get INSTA-called by third guy down. Everyone else folds. He rolls over AK. Ugh. Good 'ol Sean in the box....flops all rags. Cool. keep it small Sean. KING on the turn. I sink. No ten on the river. And I am out. And seriously deflated. Its 2:45am. My God, a repeat of the night before. 9 and a half hours for NOTHING. Not upset with the AK guy. Not at all. But the lady and her KQ? If I have a normal stack there...I raise, AK guy just calls or re-raises, to which I just call. And on that flop, I put him all in, to which he folds, and I drag about another 20k.

Kai would come to the room about 4am after they played down to 17. Tells me that woman donked off a HUGE amount of her chips to him and others. She somehow got into a hand with Q8...yeah...Kai got a free flop in the BB with the suited 'JD', J9...and flopped Q-8-10! NICE! Thanks for the chips!

So he is here...with me sweating 10% of a possible $14k for first as the chipleader heading back today. I hope he wins! Obviously. I am going to head over there in a few minutes and do like yesterday, play a couple sit n gos, and then play the 5pm tourney, which again..is a $340 Pot Limit Hold Em tourney. Should be a decent field. Not sure why they decided to run a $550 today at noon, on a Monday...can't imagine too many showed up for that one.

So while I am not in disaster mode or anything, I mean I have that first cash deep, and am 1 for 3 in sngs, and got VERY deep in the other two I played...it hurts when I know in my heart that I should have cashed ALL THREE tourneys I have played so far...and should be going back today at least in the top 3 in chips in that one last night. Coming up on Vegas I NEED to be cashing big. But its still early, and the structures are great, and I am playing well, and feel confident. So I am hopeful that something will click here pretty soon. If I could JUST get my hands on Glenn Beck...I could work out some of this frustration I'm feeling from the last couple days!

MONKEY