DAY 14. OUT of the FIRE...back into the FRYER.

It is 11:05am. Wednesday. The mere fact that I am starting this right now is ridiculous. You and I both know that I do NOT do blogs that take me under one hour to write. And I have to play the Venetian $550 at noon. And for once, it would be nice to arrive on time.

When I got in last night, at around 2am, I was all set to bang out this entry. Had a very edgy angle with which to write it...then of course, too many lemon drops and overall fatigue from yesterday led to me passing out with my laptop literally on top of me in my bed. Whooops.

A few updates. Plopped down next to TK and Fish the other night (actually 4am) at the cafe downstairs, Fish had just cashed again. Christian Iocabellis and his super-hot girlfriend roll in and he tells me he has half a million in chips in the 5k and they are down to 15. Sweet. Wish him well...scarf my meal and head to bed finallly. He would end up finishing 8th I think. So Allie got 9th a few days ago and he got 8th. Good, but I know what they wanted. We are all getting a little too damn spoiled I think. We make final tables and we expect ourselves to win the damn things.

On Sunday night Allie insists that I come over for a night of 'drinking games' at his place. Well, I realllllllly needed to do laundry, so I agreed to show up. I get over there and it Brady, E-tay, Jeremy (last name escapes me but they all call him 'Ears' due to his large ears...and I guess he is okay with it) and Mike Beasley. Laundry goes in. Next thing I know Allie lets us know we are going over to Allen Berry's house for the drinking games. Damn. Wanted to finish my laundry. Liv Boeree arrives. The chick from England...who I am quite certain Allie now has a little sumpin sumpin going with. Good for Allie, she is (a) pretty freaking hot (b) a good poker player and (c) cool, and funny as hell.

They go to the party. I stay at the house finishing my laundry, get the address and GPS my way there later...which resulted in off roading through some weird, fucked up terrain to get there. Thanks Garmin! Upon arriving realize I have left my 'man bag' with my wallet, ID, money and everything else at Allie's house. Great...I am not about to start POWER drinking, then getting in my car with none of my ID on me and start driving. PLUS...I just spent the previous day getting 12 hours of sleep and resting/relaxing all day at the pool. I didn't really feel like staying up slamming drinks til 5am and screwing that all up. Later I would end up going back over to Allies, finding all the doors locked, Beasley passed out...and repeating my stunt from two summers ago...climbing a tree in his front yard, leaping over to the roof and climbing in through a bedroom window to rescue my shit. Nothing like being covered in tree sap!

Before I left Allen Berry's house something really funny happened, and I actually have pictures..maybe post them later. Allie set up Liv in their drinking game. Something about the person to draw the last K having to either (a) drink two shots and two beers or (b) jump in the pool fully clothed. So she draws it (thanks to Allie slipping it into her slot) and she ponders the pool situation for about two or three minutes. I don't think ANYONE thought she would jump in. So what does she do? She climbs to the top of the rock waterfall...stands there like an Olympic diver, and does a double front flip and dive into the pool! It was awesome! Then swims to the edge, climbs out...and very calmly walks over to the hot tub for her 'warm up' session. It was hilarious. That chick is fucking COOL!

Venetian's numbers continue to kick ass. Their SNG's are 20x better than Rio's, yet the Rio continues to turn the tables like their giving away handjobs in that room. It amazes me how gullible and stupid we poker players are. Ceasers continues to get their asses kicked. They have now changed their tourney lineup in midstream, turning all of their $550's into $340's. That is hilarious. Yesterday they finally got a decent turnout, but I think it had a lot to do with Venetian running a shootout format and not much going on at Rio. They should be back to sucking ass today probably.

I've begun to start pissing some people off. Due in large part to my heavy duty influx of SNG playing the last few days. See, when I am playing SNG's I am usually consuming large amounts of booze, because when I start drinking, I for some odd reason start to DESTROY SNG's. That has been the case. I start getting magicallly clairvoyant, and seem to become a lot more confident about whatever two cards I am holding, and pretty much convince everyone that I have the nuts every time I am in a hand. Some times I start to curse a bit. And then of course there is the little phases I go through....where, lets just say I get cooler, cooler, cooler....and they all happen at the hands of ASIAN dealers...so I get on this Asian dealer thing. So after turning a huge chip lead into a 4th place finish, I might mutter something to the Asian dealer that results in my having to go back and apologize to her. Whooops. My bad.

So then last night...on my last SNG...and me enjoying a very large chip lead...I say (with a smile on my face) "I love this part of the game...where the mind fuckin begins!" as the SNG coordinator walks by and hears me. The same guy I just tipped on my previous win. Same guy I thought I was pretty tight with. And he comes over and asks the dealer if "Monkey just used the F-word"...the dealer doesnt know what to say, because I KNOW she doenst want to screw me, get me in a penalty, allow me to get blinded out, and thus not tip her the same overtly large tip the dealers are accustomed to me leaving them. But she also doesn't want to get in trouble. So I tell him..."Look, I wasn't being abusive, in fact, it was all in fun...and I am pretty sure no one was offended, if they were I am sorry." The other two players clearly had no problem with it. But he gave me a stern warning and told me if it happened again he "would throw me out of the place." Tells me how they strive to run a 'classy joint' and all that. WOW.

I really do not know WHERE this came from. Kind of shocked me a little bit. I know I get a little nutso sometimes, and that I can be taken the wrong way at times. But I know where the line is. I know how to skate around, below and above it. And if I do say something out of line, I always go to the person and say I'm sorry. This, I felt, was a little over the top by him. I have been INCREDIBILY supportive of the Venetian, have thrown 100% of my loyalty to them, and promoted the shit out of their tourneys. I told him, "Look, if you are that pissed at me, and think I am THAT much of a headache, there are a couple of other casinos in town that I think would LOVE to have my daily business and have me writing about and promoting them." I am not exactly sure where him and I left things. But I won the damn SNG...left the dealer a nice tip, and called it a night.

I play the $550 today at Venetian. If I do NOT make the money or Final table that plays tomorrow, I will be playing the first $1500 tourney at the Rio tomorrow. Big field, big prize pool.

My last couple of tourneys at the Venetian have ended in very heart-breaking fashion. Two days ago in the $340 with over 800 players I was totally cruising along, smashing my table, hitting flops, making huge bluffs....just SAILING along. When Aces arrive. Again. Raise UTG...holding 42K in chips with the average at only 22k. Guy in the BB...a good player, the ONLY other good player at my table....re-raises me. I look at him and tell him..."Dude, I would typically re-raise you here...but I kind of don't want you to bust out with that many chips...so I am going to just let you know where you are at with your JJ or KK...." and I move all in. He has me covered by about 2000 chips. He tells me "Well, this is only a $340, and I am worried you have AA but I just dont see myself laying down this hand." And he moves all in with KK. Turns a damn K...and I am OUT!

Oh and I guess I already told you guys about the tourney the day before where my AA got snapped by the jackass with the K10. I tried three times yesterday to win the Shootout. They had it set up where you bought in for $225 and tried to win what amounted to a single table SNG. You win your table, you get $500 and entry into todays tourney which is run like an MTT. Ended up being only 37 players coming back today...with a huge prize pool. Damn. In the first one....fourth hand, I get AA. Raise. Get two callers. Flop comes J-5-5. Pretty good flop. Checks to me. I bet 450. (pot is 525) One guy calls. Turn is a 10. Guy checks. I bet 750. He calls. WTF!?? River is a 10. He checks again. All in for 450. (they only started us out with 1500 chips, brutal) He calls. He is holding J10. Lovely! Go play a SNG. Win the SNG. Then the next flight starts at 2pm. Play another one. Guy raises. I simply call with QQ. Flop comes Q-3-8. He goes all in. I call. He has KK. King on the turn. OUT! Go play a SNG. Win the SNG. Getting the picture? I was like a rat on a wheel yesterday. Miss the 4pm flight. Play two more SNG's. Win one of them. In the other, I have AA cracked by a lady with 10-10. Perfect. At this point I should be 4 for 4 in SNG's. Go back and play at 6pm Flight. Get complete SHIT cards and basically get blinded down to nothing. Down to 100 chips I triple up. Then I win again. And again. Get it up to 800 chips with the blinds 150/300 I move in with KK. Get called by the BB with 58. Nice call sir. He flops two pair. I'm out of another one. Play the 7pm donkfest. Predicatably, I lose to a donkey. 99 vs. A4. Nice hand sir. Here is some hay.

Go back to the SNGs, and finish the night up strongly. It is now 13 minutes to noon. Dammit. Gonna be late again. Oh well. About then of you have been pestering me for another blog entry.

Something that has been keeping me up at night. The massage girl at Venetian, the blonde one...who only says one thing...as she circles the room...."Baaaaaackkk maassssaaaaageeeee". )(!&@#*&#@&)(@# Its giving me the creeps. I somehow envision her in clown face, at some scary, creepy Fun House...walking around scaring the kids...."Baaaaaaccckkkk Masssaaageeeeee...hahahahahahhaah......hahahahahahahahaha......baaaaaaacccckkkkk maaaaassssaaaaage!!!!!" oh my God! Its getting creepier by the day, and now I have let her in on my little secret, that she is making me neurotic, and now she intentionally buzzes me about once an hour wherever I am sitting.

I have a lot more funny shit to write about. I just can't find the time right now. My dogs are destroying the neighborhood and my house. My new tenant still hasn't paid her rent. I am out of weed. I am almost out of Aderol. My car STILL needs to be washed. Acacia Pinot Noir will NOT come out of white Marc Ecko Sweatshirts. My backer is the worst ever at picking winning race horses. I have yet to get robbed of chips or cash this summer. (an improvement over last year) The weather in Las Vegas continues to be bizarely mild. The topless pool has almost run its course. Del Taco and the Fish Taco still kick ass. Kaizen is the greatest sushi place in Vegas. I still love 92% of the poker players I encounter. The other 8% can lick my balls. Phil Hellmuth finally commented on my Facebook. And we met and chatted in the hall at Rio. He thinks I am funny. Wow. At least he's a good sport about me clowning the shit out of him. 4 more days til Squirrel arrives. I need to win something before she gets here. Okay...I gotta split. Five minutes til noon. Hope this keeps ya'all placated for the time being.

MONKEY