ENDING THE SILENCE

[tough crowd, after implementing the tabs below for (a)KILLER (b)STILL HERE and (c)KILL ME, I have had a majority of the boxes checked 'killer'. My last post has some very dreary results from the readers. Not one single KILLER. While I should be aching from the sting of such results, it has merely challenged me to rise from the ashes and produce something you all will find 'acceptable']


....yeah, I guess its about time. Pretty much sat on my emotions for the last 4 days after getting 'the phone call' finally from the Beau Rivage. Didn't want to say anything I would later regret. Plus, I kind of wanted to let the weekend play out and see how I felt about the whole thing.

Its Sunday night. I am a little pissed off. Just finished watching Kasey Kahne win the Atlanta night race. Pretty good race. Miss going to races. Used to go to a lot of races when Squirrel and I started dating. I don't know, NASCAR just isn't the same to me as it was between 2002 and 2007. Something about that new piece of shit 'Car of Tomorrow' I think.

I'm pissed off because I had actually come up with a 'plan' for tonight. Wrapped up my daily poker session with a 3rd place finish in a $12/180 on 'Stars, then advanced to Step 3, winning a PLO h/l SNG. The plan was to watch 'Entourage' after the race ended. Cue the sound of cars hitting the brakes, screaching to a deafening crash as they hit a wall. NO ENTOURAGE! Son of a .......

Not another episode until next week. And THAT is the season finale!??? Shit! I need to find another show to get excited about. I finished reading Vince Flynn's 'Act of Treason' in FOUR days. Great book. Thought I was reading the next one in line, 'Consent to Kill' only to discover after about 4 pages that this was not the case...as he was making references to his wife, who in the last book had been killed in bomb blast. Damn. Another bad beat.

Current game of choice is 'Medal of Honor, Airborne.' This game is hard as shit. I think it has about 15 levels, and I cannot get past level 3 to save my life. Meanwhile, I have quite a few readers of this blog trying to get me to get online on XboxLive so they can beat the shit out of me.

Went to the doctor last week, finally. Hadn't seen a doctor in 4 years. That was the last time I had health insurance. Marrying Squirrel got me put on her health plan. I went in and got a physical the other day. Modern medicine today is amazing. The last time I had this done it took over a week to get results. I had them before I left his office. My cholesterol was high, as I expected. 257. But I really expected it to be over 300. But my good cholesterol was low and my bad cholesterol was high. Not a good combo. I am officially a walking time bomb. Doc put me on Crestor. So I had this filled. Then fired up the regimen that I was so good about taking for about a year...listen to this smorgasbord of goodies. Folic Acid, Vitamin C, B-12, Vitamin E, Cholest-off, Cranberry extract, Red Yeast, Echinacea, Garlic, Fish Oil, Juice Plus and Glucosamin Condroitin. Yeah...a ton of shit. But all working together...and with me exercising regularly...I should be in tip-top shape within a year I hope. The really good news, because I was kind of paranoid about it, was that I have no semblance of cancer of any kind. Whewwwww! I might actually have 10 or 15 years left in me!

I am now watching 'Charlie Wilson's War' which I've already seen before. Good movie. Now trying to get Charlie's attention, on the couch (in his office) is one of the hottest females I've ever seen. The director made a point of positioning her ass in full frame...and this thing is GORGEOUS. Loving DVR right about now....rewind....slow mo it.......rewind .....pause.....sweet. BTW, Phillip Seymour Hoffman is really great in this movie. In fact, he is just a really good actor. Its always nice when a fat, ugly dude can clear that obstacle to become an amazing actor. Believe me, I lived in NYC for 5 years trying to be an actor. There are a lot of hurdles to clear. Its tough for a toad. Kudos to this guy.

Last night sucked. All of you LSU fuckers talking shit for the last three weeks about how bad you guys were going to kill my Huskies. What the hell was I supposed to say? Hell, we went 0-12 last year. Our recruiting classes SUCKED for the last four years. Thanks Ty Willingham. Everyone is picking us to finish near the bottom of our conference. So I was pretty much pinning my hopes on the football gods smiling on us. Or our new coach Steve Sarkisian bringing a bag of miracles from Los Angeles. Well...it almost came together. We took the lead early. We were close all game. We fumbled at the 4 yard line. We failed to score twice inside the 20. We missed easy field goals. Refs missed two critical calls. Whatever. We lost by 8 pts. At least we didnt get the shit kicked out of us. People think 'Jake Locker is our whole team.' Well, you know what? In three years of watching this kid, I've still yet to see him hit a big 3rd down pass. If I was being held hostage, and Jake had a gun in his hand, standing 10 feet away, I would prefer he NOT try to take out the bad guy. LSU 31, WASHINGTON 23.

Charlie "Smoke" Oliver has been staying at my house all weekend. This was supposed to be a weekend that had us playing poker together, like in the good 'ol days when we first became friends. Nothing is more fun than playing SNG's with my boy 'Smoke.' Well, I haven't seen him much. Tim Hebert has finally resurfaced, after being AWOL on the poker scene all year. Smoke got wrapped up in some heavy duty partying this weekend with Big Tim and Cub...I believe there were some Craps involved. Heard my door open around noon today, that was Smoke coming IN. He is still in the guest room sleeping. Its 11:34pm. Ha!

I was thinking of starting a new feature on here. When I used to work in the restaurant business there was this thing called the '86 board'...a place where we would write what we were out of. Chefs love the 86 board. There were times when they would jokingly put the names of waiters they didn't like on there. Well, given my reputation of being the poker player most likely to be 86'd from casinos, I thought, HEY! What the hell, might as well make light of it! So I was thinking of starting MONKEYS 86 BOARD...with a detailed listing of my current status at the various casinos around America and quite possibly the world, if I should decide to branch out and start raising hell there too.

MONKEY'S 86 BOARD (with updates)

Ceasers Palace Las Vegas: As a result of threatening a player who I never threatened, and an investigation that was conducted, without (of course) a report being taken from me (the accused) I was nonetheless disqualified from a tourney that I had a healthy stack in...upon returning the following day. Despite no warnings, despite no floor staff being called. A very interesting ruling, to say the least. I was told that I was being DQ'd from the tourney, and trespassed from the property. Conventional wisdom suggested that I was singled out for my rampant criticism of the poker rooms tournament director. I had, afterall wrote quite badly of their structures, their time slot, and other little details pertaining to their Mega Stacks format. Interesting that their whole structure changed after only 6 events, and after a whopping 7 players showed up for their $1000 buy in event. Despite being told that I was 86'd from their property, the required paperwork detailing such action has never been sent to me. It has been stated by me that I will no longer waste valuable space here on my blog making critical remarks relating to the establishment or its current poker room manager.

RIO Las Vegas: Despite having never been sent paperwork stating that I was being Trespassed from the Harrah's properties, I was somehow singled out for exclusion from the 2009 World Series of Poker after the 'Phantom Incident' at Ceasers Palace. Some have suggested that I file a personal lawsuit against the person who has brought about this string of misfortune. Denying me a chance at the $19,000 1st place prize in the Ceasers Event, as well as the opportunity to win $9 million dollars in the WSOP. And as a person with 8 Final Tables this year, 12 last year, and over 50 lifetime cashes...its not like a jury would exactly laugh me out of the courtroom I don't think. Nevertheless, I also hate lawyers, and to have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe of suits and ties, and then make countless appearances in a courtroom (which I also deplore) to fight a case that I may or may not win, it would be just as easy to just go out and win a shit load of money playing poker instead. After all, what comes around goes around, right? Plus, winning money in poker is a lot more fun than winning a judgement in a courtroom then spending another 5 years trying to collect on it!

Harrah's New Orleans: Despite what a reader of this blog stated...that I was "definitely banned from ALL Harrah's properties, and would be for at least three years" I was reassured by several employees of Harrahs, a high ranking host, and a Table Games shift manager, who both looked up my players card information and showed that there was NO indication that I had been 'trespassed' by ANY Harrah's property. However, upon visiting New Orleans two weeks ago...it was brought to my attention (by Larry Barnett) that there was a suggestion via email that I was supposed to be 86'd from ALL Harrah's. Again...the 'hater's network' at work. Upon digging, Larry presented me with Charles Goldston, from security. He let me know that a 1-day ban I recieved in Nov. of 2006 for throwing my hat up in the air had failed to be removed from the system. No no no...this had NOTHING to do with the current Ceasers mess/BS. Nope, this was entirely related to the Nov. 2006 hat tossing incident, where my hat became the innocent victim of a ceiling abduction, never to be returned to his rightful head/owner ever again. Charles was unable to help me other than give me the names of the Security manager and the VP of Operations for Harrah's. I have made a total of 15 phone calls to the VP. I have made 8 calls to the Security guy. Every time I got their voice mail. Or their assistants' voice mail more accurately. I have taken up a new strategy. I have written a very informative letter to each, and made 12 copies of each. Over the course of the next month, I will send them this letter once every 5 days. When/if I finally hear from them...and this is removed from their system...then I will quit sending the same letter over and over and over. I would like it to be fixed by December...so I can go play in New Orleans at what I hope will be another great tournament, instead of going to play in St. Maarten at a different event.

Venetian Las Vegas: NO current issues. NO current restrictions.

Borgata Atlantic City: No current issues. NO current restrictions. Despite the 'management relationship' between MGM and BOYD GAMING, the Borgata has a completely different set of managers, and a different players' card system. No MGM issues there. On that note......

MGM Properties not named Beau Rivage: NO current issues. NO current restrictions.

and the one you've all been waiting for....

Beau Rivage Biloxi: Due to a purported 'distaste for the material exhibited in my blog, including photos and subsequent criticizing of other players, as well as critical remarks centered on the current structures of the Beau Rivage tournaments and perhaps the critical remarks made about current dealers employed by the Beau Rivage' it has been decided, after three weeks of not really knowing if its going to be set in stone that I be 86'd from the poker room...and telling me on three seperate occasions that I would be informed of a decision within the next 'three days'...that I WILL, in fact, be NOT allowed in the poker room at the Beau Rivage until further notice. This phone call was recieved at 8pm, Thursday night...2 hours after the first event had started. Needless to say, I was a little bit, uh...surprised. Since I had engaged in what I thought to be 'encouraging' conversations over the phone with a 'high ranking' member of the poker room management team, and had pretty much agreed that I would no longer post photos of other players (complete with potentially disparaging remarks) from their casino...and since I had not done anything along the lines of breaking any rules, acting like a maniac, or freaking out on anyone since I was given a 'Code of Conduct' by the same management team last year...that everything would be good to go. In fact, I pretty much thought they were waiting to the last minute to make me sweat. So when they called and told me.....Ugh..nope, sorry Monkey...Your OUT! Yeah, I was surprised.

I quickly inquired as to whether I would be allowed in the casino, and also if I was permitted to visit all the other MGM properties or if I would be trespassed from them as well. That answer was a little better than the first. I am, indeed allowed into the Beau Rivage to play table games, and to enjoy the many restaurants and clubs that I like to frequent. And to visit my wife if need be. I am also open to visit all the other MGM properties. So that was all, I guess...good news.

On the other question. When will I get the 5K they owe me for the seat that I already won in April's Mega Satellite, I was told that it would be taken care of 'as soon as possible, that it required some chains of command' to get it done. Ahhhh, yes, the 'ol chain of command. I simply requested that I have this money in my hot little hand before I leave for Borgata on September 12th. That is 6 days from now. I am hopeful that this won't turn into a nightmare.

My thoughts on this? Well, I will say this: It is never nice to be on the outside looking in. To know that a lot of friends and peers are right down the street playing in an event without me. In fact, from that standpoint, it sucks balls. A lot of people have been saying a lot of crazy things on my Facebook page. You can only imagine some of those things. Here is my thinking; I have had one fight after another with my wife over this. THAT is what pisses me off. I have had a couple guys tell me "Monkey, you need to quit that fucking blog man, all it does it get you 86'd from casinos! Its not worth it."

I had an asshole for a step Dad who spent 8 years telling me what I couldn't do. The list was long. I was basically raised in a Dictatorship of a home. So when my Mom finally divorced the son of a bitch, I was basically emancipated. It was the day I became a patriot for those who are oppresed against. It's when I started going to bat for those who get screwed. It's when I started using my right to express my opinion openly, without the threat of being punched in the face, grounded for the summer, or beaten on the ass with a cedar shake. Yeah, this might not be the background you would dream of for an upstanding member of society, but it is what it is. These are the cards I was dealt.

I lost one job after another from 1985 to 2005 because I refused to take shit. Or because I had a tendancy to work for morons or retards. I had a problem taking orders from dipshits. Some would say I have an attitude problem. Maybe. Or maybe I just don't like to conform for those who don't deserve to be conformed for.

I have made a lot of adjustments where poker is involved. As far as 'rules' go and what my 'expected behavior' is expected to be. I've made THIS decision. I like to talk to people. I mostly like having irreverent conversations that typically have NOTHING to do with poker. It amuses me. There are a LOT of players in this country who have either TOLD me or WRITTEN to me that I "make the tournaments a lot of fun to play in" with my table talk. I don't honestly do this to 'fullfill an obligation' to the masses. I LIKE talking at the table sometimes. Sometimes I am quiet as a church mouse. I rarely criticize ANYONE at the table anymore. I make little remarks, that if properly read between the lines, you might figure out to be criticism...but its never direct. Nope, if I EVER bash on anyone...its RIGHT HERE. And the last time I checked, this is a BLOG....a place to 'express your thoughts and opinions free from oppression.' Clearly that's incorrect. This blog of mine is where people go to MINE for ammunition with which to FUCK ME WITH. That is awesome.

I will not quit writing my blog. Period. By looking at the hit summary for my blog, its obvious that their are a significant number of people that enjoy reading this. I also enjoy writing it. I have been approached by several people offering money to run ad banners on here, and to link to my site. Its not much. And its not why I write this. But I see a bigger picture. Should I snap off a major televised tourney somewhere, and become that recognizeable face in poker, then I have a pretty good idea that these 170-something posts I have made...which would make up about 450 pages in a book...might one day become just that, a book. IN fact, I already have a title in mind...."EVEN A MONKEY CAN PLAY POKER....the first poker book NOT about poker!"
So now my motivation is to go to all these places that WILL have me...and go apeshit! From a standpoint of winning! I have a lot to prove, and a lot of people that I would like to stick things in their faces.

I have no words that can be used in retaliation against those casinos that have decided to not allow me in their poker room. When I am told, after asking why I am not being allowed to play there that "well, I can't really give you any reason...other than just to tell you that we aren't going to allow you to play in our poker room at this time" well then I know that there is clearly nothing that I can do or say to change their minds. Nor, do I really want to. It just means, as far as I am concerned that they won't be getting any money from me. Not through tourney buy ins, not through rake, not through dealer tips, or waitress tips or valet tips. When I win a tourney the floor people will no longer be tipped. It also means that I will be not giving them a boat load of free publicity on this blog or through word of mouth. And if that is something that they deem to be a positive thing, well, then I guess they are the winners. Right? I was told that 'maybe in a couple of months I can re-present my case' and they might review it. Um, I'm just curious, what exactly am I going to re-present? I am presenting air right now, since I haven't done anything inappropriate, so what exactly am I going to 'present' a few months from now?

What it is...is ridiculous. I have been blacklisted. I have been censored. I don't know why the people in question can't just walk up to me...look me in the face, and say this. Ya ready? WAIT!Because if I was a poker room manager, and it was ME...I would have NO problem doing this. Why? Because, its a damn casino...and they can deny entry to ANYONE they want, for any reason they want. So, armed with that 'power' I would challenge them to do the following.

"Hello, Mr. Bartholomew. My name is Will Souther. I am the Poker Room Manager here at the Bad Times Casino, and I have some news for you. While I could go either way on you, I have had several players approach me (yes behind your back because they are weasels) and ask me to kick you out of our poker room. A couple of my dealers have also bitched about you...saying you are difficult to deal with (not really sure why you would expect them to be pleasant to you, after all they spent hours getting tipped poorly by other players, not you, and SHOULD be total jerks when they deal to you) and that they would prefer if you be 86'd. Then I have another fellow manager who can't stand that you are critical of his tournament structures. That you write about it on your blog. He mentioned that you have taken pictures of players while in our casino and posted them on your blog. That is kind of frowned upon, as it sort of invades their privacy a little bit. I would prefer you not do this. And I'm sure you will comply. The thing is Mr. Bartholomew...there are just a lot of people who don't LIKE YOU. Granted, they don't really KNOW YOU, nor tried to GET to know you...but as the person in charge of maintaining a delicate balance of harmony between the two, I have decided that the right thing to do is just not allow you to visit our casino. I know you arent going to be happy with this decision, but it just seems like the best thing to do at this time. Now if there isn't anything more....you are welcome to leave."

Would that be so hard? Instead of creating all these smokescreens and coming up with stories that make no sense? Stringing me out for two weeks on a decision? Look, whatever, I get that sometimes people just dont LIKE other people. I get that. KICK ME OUT because YOU DONT LIKE ME! Fair enough! But don't try to make it look like I did a bunch of things wrong. Because you and I both know, I didn't!

So there ya go! I would love to be a fly this week, buzzing around the room at the GCPC listening to all the varying stories about 'why Monkey isn't allowed to play here.' That kind of shit always amuses the hell out of me. One thing you can always count on with most human beings...is that they love to pile on when there are negative things being discussed. Well get in there you jagoffs, waters warm!

I will probably, very very very likely, never write another word in my blog about the Beau Rivage. Ever. I wish them the best.

I think that is it for this entry. Might as well play a late-night session on 'Stars. Whoa, Charlie just woke up finally. Its 12:37am.

OH...wait, before I forget, I want to say THANK YOU to the nice couple who recently visited a bar named MONKEY BAR in a place called Kemah, Texas and were nice enough to buy Squirrel and I two cool hats and two cool t-shirts and sent them to our house. I love the hat and have been wearing it all week! That was really nice of you!

MONKEY