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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Chicago. Madness. Blog Warring with Kai at 2am...

You got it. This is history. This is....truly, a first.

Will "the Poker Monkey" Souther vs. Kai "The A-Train riding Maniac" Landry.......

In a blog contest to end all blog contests.

This day...October 19th, 2010...has been efffectively erased from the calender by both Kai'ster and Senor Monkey...for a varity of reasons.

I am now laying in my bed...alone, as Squirrel returned home today, to where people are much easier to fool, and sandwiches are rarely served without mustard and mayonaisse.

I have my knee propped up on a pillow and covered in ice. After having dove for that ground ball in Phoenix, coming up short...waking up the next day with a ridiculously swollen knee and shin, it has really not improved. I am getting very close to a trip to the local doctor.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I had a fun little thing happen on Sunday night. While playing in my first 'contest' of this trip...and while I was in the bathroom on break, some scum-sucking assclown thought it would be a clever idea to sneak over to my leather fossil bag...AKA...Monkey Purse, and dive in there and steal my Ipod, my BOSE headphones...and the bottle containing ALL of my various 'scrip meds. ALL OF THEM. Which I am very, very good about stringing out over long periods of time and using on a need basis only. Lets click them off....Adderal. Vicodin. Percocet. Skelaxin. Ambien. Flexoril. Narco. Thats about all of them. All gone. No tunes. No pain remedy. No anxiety remedy.

I'm watching Johnny Knoxville on George Lopez right now. I have a feeling, a feeling I'm not sure will be very popular...but a feeling, that Johnny Knoxville is 100% gay.

Wanna hear about Monday? Kai and I made the mistake of booking a room in Bridgeview...which on a map looked relatively close to Hammond and the Horseshoe Casino. WRONG! Not even SORT OF close. So on Monday, me, Kai and Squirrel drove all over Chicago Southland looking for a hotel. There was nothing. Anywhere. We called them all. Then...on a whim, I walked into Ramada...and KAPOW, my charming smile, my sparkling personality, and the $20 tip I dropped on the desk and the lady on the other side who likely only gets tipped when one of her old, toothless, Uncle's calls to tell her she should invest in pork bellies...had us hooked up for the week. FINALLY! I have never felt happier about a room that just two weeks ago I would be cringing over. Funny how your standards go down when there is NOTHING to choose from. It was to the point that I was about to set up camp with a tent on someone's lawn.

Sunday I took Squirrel to the Seahawks game with my sister and her friend Karen for my sister Janae's birthday. It was my first time at Soldier Field. Our tickets were great. It was a sunny, gorgeous day. The field and stadium are just incredible. And to top it off, my Seahawks played great and won the game 23-20. Afterwards, we went downtown to Rush Street and had pizza at some famous pizza joint.

I am laying here and just wondering what is rolling off of Kai's fingertips over there in the next bed!

On the trip to the bathroom...Squirrel passed some Bears fan...a girl, who says..."Ugh...Seahawks jersey? Fucccck Youuuuu!" Cheryl turns around...scoffs, looks at the girl, who is waiting for her comeback and just says..."Ummm...ya, no...ya know, you aren't even worth it. Never mind." And kept walking. Nice.

Later on...still wearing her Shaun Alexander jersey...we were at the casino...and some random black guy walks up to her and tells her...."Yo,...wassup shattty (a version of the word shorty)...I was gonna holla at ya, till I saw ya wearing that Seahawks jersey."

"Oh....really? Yeah, like that probably mattered."

It was amazing how high the percentage of fans were that were wearing Bears garb. Truly a football city. And the amount of tailgaters were astounding. And before and after the game, their fans were actually pretty classy. Granted, its not like we were acting like a bunch of douchebags...which will usually result in getting your ass kicked.

I love the Bing commercials, about the Search Engine overload!
Theeee Dip! "You put your hand up on my hip, when I dip, you dip, we dip...."

Remember how much I loved St.Louis? One of the reasons I hated St. Louis was that they make you pay for the drinks. Oh...its the same deal in Chicago. Only worse. Because they are holding the tourney in a part of the casino called 'The Venue'...which is where they host musical acts, comedians...etc. So...the prices they charge there are significantly more than 'downstairs' in the casino. So even though we are poker players, and we are GAMING....we are being charged for drinks as though we are up there watching some elaborate performance by the amazing _____ (enter the name of your favorite poker player here.

Okay thats it. I'm not talking about poker tonight...or why Claudia "The Claw" Crawford is now dead to me...and will have a very hard time getting me to ever talk to her again...let alone ever be allowed into my house again. What she pulled on me today in the 6-handed event, I am still not ready to share with y'all. I am just not ready to talk about it here. But I know I owed you guys some kind of blog since I have been here now for four days. But lets just say...I was FUCKING FURIOUS.

Played the Omaha jokefest. Limit 8 or better with 176 players. Somehow I got rivered 16 times and was still around with 75 players left...when the 17th river finally knocked me a mood where all I wanted to do was punch something...anything, super hard, and not get in trouble for it. I am really tired. And can no longer stay awake. And have to play again at noon. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh its days like this that I hate this job/life.
I have lots more to say, trust me. But Im out of gas.

Bye bye now folks.

Monkey Chow

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