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Thursday, July 28, 2011

BANG BANG....YOU'RE DEAD!!!

Yeah. I know. Two blog posts in one day. Okay...technically, its after midnight...and we can say its not really two in one day. But you know it is. So...who cares. I have had two things come to my attention in the past four hours that must be shared.

One comes from Chris Hunichen, my former 'teammate' on Bustout Poker. He lives in Raleigh, North Carolina. And the other night...a poker game in his neighborhood was 'interrupted' by a couple of retards donning ski masks and guns. It was touted by the local news as a 'high-stakes' poker game...even though it was just a friendly 1/2 game. Love how the media always blows shit out of proportion.  

Just look at these two assholes. One is dead...the other is wounded and sitting in jail on 1.15m bail. Not sure which one is dead...does it matter? They both had records of assault. Peace out fuckers!

Good thing our lawmakers have made online poker illegal. Now instead of sitting in the privacy of our homes...degenning away our families bill money, WITH our family, we get to drive across town...away from our family...and degen it away there instead...with an outside shot of getting shot and killed. Good thinking, pricks. Home of the Brave...Land of the Free? Really? I call bullshit. Anyway we can move this next election up a year? How long before China puts their little 'made in China' sticker on the bottom of the USA?

Here you go. This will brighten your day. Do you like total dark, dry, cynical humor? Kind of like mine? Thought you did...so that's why I am letting you in on a little secret. For months this guy was friend requesting me. And I looked at this face...and was like  "who the fuck IS this old peckerhead!???"

This is NOT my Grandfather...or YOURS!
So...not wanting to be mean to the old fart, I sent him a message asking who he was, or how we knew each other? He replied in a way (rude) that caused me to just write him off. Bastard! Well...over the summer, I came to be friends with a guy...a fellow player, who I have known for quite awhile but never really got to know. Until this summer. Then he let me in on the little secret. Robert Pringle...is really him. Ohhhhh....I see. So I instantly friend requested him...and discovered all that I had been missing these past few months.

After I wiped the tears out of my eyes from laughing...I started thinking to myself...Hmmmm, self, maybe creating an alter ego...a dark, shadowy, mystery person, would be a good idea, to avoid putting myself in a bad light, while still getting to say the sick, twisted things that are on my mind. Like 'ol Robert Pringle here. If you enjoy laughing at sick, sick shit...I would highly recommend FRIEND REQUESTING Robert Pringle on Facebook....tell him (in a message when you do the request) that Monkey sent you!

Also, to the 64 people (and growing) who have friend requested me over the summer...who I have yet to respond to...if you are reading this and have yet to figure out why I haven't approved you yet? I am a stickler for letting people on my Facebook. I must either (a) know you (b) know you read this or (c) have some 'reason' for wanting you to be on my Facebook list. So simply send me a message telling me WHY I want to approve you. Without sounding like a jerkoff. Why are people so lazy these days that they can't just attach a simple note? I'm not trying to conquer the world of Facebook...seeing how many friends I can have! Porn stars, Playmates and Hometown Hotties...you need not provide me a reason to approve you. You are just being kept around for the photos, and the interesting posts you make that make me realize how much smarter my wife is than all of you.

I am happy to announce that my Seattle Mariners have snapped their 17-game losing streak...routing the Yankees today 9-2 behind a strong performance by defending Cy Young winner Felix "King" Hernandez. Thank God!!! Also collecting a complete game NO-HITTER for my fantasy team was Ervin Santana of the Angels. My fantasy team currently holds a 14-3 lead (we score by categories in our head to head matchups) over my opponent. Who knows? Maybe the Mariners and I are going to start turning shit around starting today!!!!! Huh? Whatever. Ignore me and my fantasy dork psycho babble bullshit. I am.

Monkey

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