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Monday, July 4, 2011

MONKEY IS MISSING!!!!

This, as you know...is pretty much a member of my family. This is Mr. Raising Monkey...with me for my entire career in poker, and something that is very special to me.




Me and the Monkey...in happier times
Yesterday...Saturday, July 3rd 2011 is going to go down as a 'not very good day' in my poker life.

After playing 11.5 hrs in the Rio $1k...and actually affording myself the opportunity to start thinking about a major score...my dreams ended when, nursing 7 BB's, I was forced to shove all in at cutoff with A8d into the guy who had been literally raising to 1500 EVERY hand, and failing to miss almost never. He had snapped a guys aces with queens, to get a monster stack...and it never stopped.

I ran into his BB with him holding, what else? A pair. Of nines. I flopped a straight draw, turned a flush draw...then, splat...bricked the river. My day was over. 

I decided to jump into the 10pm $130. Barely made it in time. Mistake. Ran QQ into KK on the first hand I played. Rebought. Then...on an open-ended straight flush board...raise this old man from 1200 to 3500...who, by the way, was betting with nothing but ace high, and oh yeah...CALLING the raise with that same ace high. He turned an ace. I missed everything. Poof!

Then it was off to sit n go land to meet up with the Kai-ster...who has had Borat playing in our room all day. This might tell you something about Kai. Maybe not.

Played the first one. Third place. Played the next one, first one out. Played another, third place. Then on the last one...Kai and I got heads up...and with me holding a 3 to 1 lead...we were going to play it out for pride...but our grouchy dealer kept scolding us for talking in the hand...apparently not giving one shit that we are friends and roomies and were really just playing for bragging rights. His asshole-ishness finally became too much and I just said "Lets Go Kai!" So we chopped $1200 each and called it a night.

But before that happened...something very traumatic occurred. I have no idea how, when, or why...but someone stole my monkey. The floor guy Don was nice enough to call surveillance, and they weren't able to see anything. Everyone looked for it. I tried to not let it affect me...but shit, that monkey and I have been together for a LONG time...it is really kind of a part of me. And I have to admit, when I woke up this afternoon...it HIT me. Holy shit! Monkey is gone. Someone has Monkey. And now I'm just pissed off.

Kai and I are about to go to the Golden Nugget to play in Howard Lederer's Charity poker tourney that they have every year on the 4th of July. Usually I would be going to Frank Kassela's house for his annual party on the 4th...but I haven't heard from him...hardly at all this summer, so I'm not sure if he even is having it.  At any rate...it should be a fun event, its for the Boys and Girls Club of Las Vegas I think.

I would like EVERYONE to KNOW...that ANY information leading to the recovery of my Monkey will result in a handsome reward. I mean...whoever took it, what are they going to do with it? Its one of a kind...EVERYONE will KNOW who it belongs to. Monkey can be identified by some very discernible scars...a chipped ear, a nick above his right eye, a fractured foot, and a piece missing from the bowl that is holding the nuts. I have called the Dairy Council of America to inquire about putting Monkey on the back of a milk carton. Monkey MUST BE FOUND! Please help me bring Monkey home!!!!!

Happy Fourth of July to everyone....except that asshole who has Monkey...I hope you get hit by a city bus, then ran over by a Prius. And if you're still alive after THAT...I hope an angry mob stomps on you till you slip into an irreversible coma. 

Have a nice day.

Go Mariners.

Roll Tide.

Hi Mom.

Love you Squirrel.



MONKEY

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Monkey is being held hostage, and tortured.
A very personal form of water-boarding in use... in the urinal.
Ransom note to follow.

It's really a 99.9% probability, that ugly POS is in Kai's possession. Look under his pillow or in that "special" place where he keeps his gerbil.

Anonymous said...

Will - any chance that Monkey took a walk from all that bad luck you been having?

Seriously though- he was with your chips then went missing? Or was he in your bag?

I know you said they checked the cams for you but when did you last see it?

Anonymous said...

Aloha will that SUCKS about the monkey. My name is Adam Sanchez from the Hawaiian Island of Kauai. Met you 3 years ago at IP fall tourny. Then sat with you last year at the nugget tourney during series. You may remember me I also was in pro baseball and mentioned you told me you had trouble with the curve or slider think it was slider. Anyway Being from Hawaii I collect Polynesian artifacts using a Hea Matu Hook from New Zealand as card protector for 6 years now. I've been living in Costa Rica last few years (Great Poker in C.R.) Lost it in taxi last September 10th on my birthday. Felt naked without the Hook till fortunatley 10 days after loosing ran into same taxi at my home casino in C.R. checked the back seat and it was there between the seat. MAJOR RELIEF. Just want you to know I hope you get the Monkey back And I'll keep an eye out in the Poker Rooms And Jungles of Costa Rica for the Poker Monkey. Aloha Nui loa Pura Vida

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the perverse action of some passive aggressive twit...has no balls and probably a 2 inch penis, you know the type, would probably wet himself if he had to face you one and one, so he sneaks around and swipes the monkey .only problem he can not tell anyone or boast about it because he scared ...OR. Could this be a practical joke that's gone on a bit too long? Actually I've also heard a conspiracy theory rumor that the Mississippi mafia put a hit out and it's a paperweight on somebody's desk in tunica or Biloxi...LK new orleans