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Sunday, November 13, 2011

Almost a Win...Almost a Double Hat Trick

I'm so tired it hurts. My eyes are burning. But damn, what are you supposed to do when you wake up to empty the bladder and notice, whoa...there are NFL games on already? Yeah...life on the west coast is a little bizarre.

My life at the Omar palace ends today. 36 floors over Las Vegas from the luxurious digs at Turnberry Towers has been a real treat for the last 4 days. But Omar has his family arriving tomorrow and I have to relocate to the Riviera...my new favorite place to set up camp while on poker trips. Can't beat the price...and it's close to Venetian.

Every morning I have been waking up and staring out my bedroom window at the Stratosphere and its assortment of thrill rides established to challenge the inner-self who is afraid of heights...and contemplating heading over there to 'shake things up' a little bit with a death defying leap from the top, attached by a bungee cord.

What in the hell is 'The Big Bang Theory' on TBS supposed to be, aside from straight up annoying? It feels like it's trying to be 'That 70's Show' but with dorks. And help me here...but has the 'Dork Demographic' become so pronounced in our country that it now warrants its own show?

With all the creatures out there capable of killing us...I am just glad that I wasn't living in the age of the dinosaurs. Can you imagine trying to dodge a hungry Stegosaurus?

I would like everyone to stop wearing ugly-ass uniforms and helmets in college AND pro football. Yes, Maryland...I'm talking to YOU guys!

Dear Oregon: Thanks for beating Stanford last night. 
Dear TCU: Thanks for beating Boise State yesterday.
Dear Oklahoma: Please beat Oklahoma State....

Love, 

'Bama

Las Vegas is the only city I know of where the banks are open on Saturday. Hmmm...is there any real 'mystery' there?

Tony Sirugusa is my second-most favorite sideline reporter in football...I think you ALL know who #1 is. (rhymes with Snarin Mansnooze)

I got 2nd place last night in the very under attended $120 tourney that Venetian is now running at 10pm. There were only 30 players. And when we got 3-handed the average was 25 BB's...so we actually got to play some poker. I had a blast...its so nice to play 3-handed for 2 hours while sharpening your final table, 3-handed skills. We were only paying 5 players...and the last 10 players were all good players for the most part. The kid I got heads up with was an excellent player...and we played back and forth for over an hour...before I finally got it in with him holding AJ. He had AK...and I lost fair and square. It was nice to finally lose to a guy who was ahead of me preflop.

My night ended the night before in that same tourney...when, three from the money...and me holding AA on the button at 600/1200, I raised to 3500...with 37,000 behind, only to have him shove 45k all in with 10-10 (nice play idiot) and hit a ten on the flop. Yeah...that was pretty annoying. 

I am now 0h for three in nooners...having lost in the exact same fashion the last two tourneys...in level 7...holding a decent stack, then getting run down and/or coolered in 1, then 2...and finally 3 hands in the same orbit to be bounced. There is nothing worse.

I have yet to win a SNG...which is very unlike me. Thankfully I have only played 5 so far. And with a 5th in the 7pm on my first night, and a 2nd last night...I am at least not committing bankroll suicide yet. 

A buddy of mine happened by my final table last night...and asked if I was playing the $1k today at Venetian. I told him I wasn't...due to my four days of 'run bad' in nooners so far this trip...and my desire to not put a major dent in the bankroll this early in my trip. That and I had no problem with sleeping in...watching some football, then playing the $150 Bounty tourney that they have been running at 3pm and getting a great turnout for. But he insisted on staking me in the 1k...literally handing me the dough and setting the terms. How could I say no? So that is what I will be doing at noon today.

I don't think there is anything more aggravating than sitting at a poker table for 10 hours or more in jeans that are just barely too tight. When that button on the front starts to slowly dig into your stomach...becoming more and more noticeable and irritating. Til finally you just unbutton the damn thing. This extra 20 lbs of mine is like an anchor I am dragging around.

Oh. Jezuzzzz...not sure who you are DeloflatsJim...but that comment you sent me the other day? Bro...seriously? I appreciate your support, and you reading my blog...and rooting for me to win and all. But honestly?  I think you are going a little overboard with your advice. Here is what he has 'suggested' to me:

"Okay, I watch you at the IP, hoping that you would score. Early in the tournament, you look rough, and I think you may have been boozing the previous night. So, for you to get back on the winning track do this:  No more drinking -non, even stop during the tournament-completely {not sure what that last sentence was supposed to mean, weird grammatical phrasing there}get lots of rest. Most of all, stop all table talk, leave all distractions behind, computer, iPads, and throw those damn headphones into the garbage. In SHORT, concentrate on poker- I want to see you win-DeloFlatsJim"

Um...okay. Again. Thanks for your 'well wishes' and your continued support. Early in the tournament...that 'rough look' you describe had nothing to do with a previous night of 'boozing' as you suggest. It had everything to do with 12 days of grinding up in Hammond...and an entire day of flying. As far as 'getting back on the winning track' I'm sure that getting one-outed probably has NOTHING to do with me chatting with other players at the table or entertaining myself by listening to music, watching videos, or following football scores on my iPad. Suggesting I throw my $300 BOSE headphones into the garbage isn't dawning on me as a fabulous idea. I think if you quit your job...decide to play poker full time, sit at a table with some of God's most annoying human beings for 10 hours at a time...for 300 days a year...for 6 straight years...you may arrive at the decision to manufacture a few 'distractions' to help you deal with the idiotic daily occurrences at the poker table.

I think you may confuse my ability to 'concentrate' on poker with my ability to multitask effectively. I think to be a successful poker player, you need the special skill of possessing an acute awareness of everything going on around you, of dialing in to the most minute of details. You are talking to the guy who used to drive cross country while playing online poker, watching a movie and talking on the phone while texting my wife. I can be at the poker table talking to the guy next to me, digging for a tip for the waitress (for my CRANBERRY JUICE with extra lime and light ice!!!) while forwarding to the next song on my iPod as I contemplate how much I want to three-bet the guy who just raised my big blind from cutoff for the 5th time in the last 7 orbits.

Do you feel me? I don't get 'distracted' very easily, if at all. My iPad has become my best friend, in concert with my BOSE. And oh yea...my prescription to Celexa, thanks to my doctor and wife for getting me on that stuff! And my table talk? Huh? Not sure if you realize this, but I rarely (if ever, anymore) talk to people at my table these days. And if I do...it's because I have had that rarest of situations where I actually ENJOY the players at my table, and feel like having a friendly conversation with all of them. I struggle to find how you consider this 'social interaction' to be a negative contributing factor to 'running bad' in poker.

I'm going to share a not-so-shocking secret with you. This game I play? It's not that difficult. It's pretty standard. You learn the game. You tweak it a little. You have a few different varieties of strategy, ones you afford to different regions, or casinos. Or people. Yes I'm talking about the OMRG's (Old Man Run Goods) the women who like any two face cards, and the internet twerps who like to gaze into the sunset for a minute and 45 seconds before finally moving their spindly fingers up and down in slow motion and merely checking. It's kind of like that loser at the bottle factory who goes into work every day on the assembly line and fills his spot. Probably the guy who makes sure the bottle caps stay filled in their Pez-Dispenser-like machine. I'm just a cog in the machine man.

Dealer...give me something to work with. A few decent hands. Give me a few players...who after observing for 3 or 4 orbits, I know are capable of dumping me their whole stacks with top pair. Let me put in the 1 or 2 hours max that it requires for me to know who will and who won't fold to a 3 or 4-bet re-raise. Or who will raise preflop, only to give up after the flop after he/she misses their flop. Allow me to figure out who raises preflop...then never quits betting post flop no matter what the board brings. Knowing who I can effectively trap, and who I don't want to let 'get there' if I can help it. This isn't rocket science my friend, or maybe it is...and I have just gotten really used to the day-to-day operation of building rockets to the point that its mind-numbingly boring at times. As a matter of fact, Tyler Smith and I kind of had a conversation at a recent tournament about this very topic.

Said Tyler, verbatim...when I told him I still found him to be amazing at tourney poker..."I just wish I cared, Monkey...you know what I mean?" Yeah dude, I know exactly what you mean. Sitting in a cash game...or for that matter, a tourney...and winning 88% of the hands you play...but on the 12% you lose, losing your whole stack to some chump who couldn't get it into his thick head just how far behind he was going to the river, or getting your KK snapped off by Super-Aggro-Any-Ace-Is-Good-Guy to send you to the bathroom to smash the toilet paper holder in privacy. 

Okay. I'm done here. I think you get my point. Could I use more rest? Sure. And exercise while I'm at it. Drinking is NOT an issue. I never drink before 5pm if I drink at all. I have nearly eliminated drinking while playing poker AT ALL...with an infrequent exception being a late night cash game session among friends, or possibly a nightly tourney when I just want to relax, kick back, and have some fun in a casual tournament setting among friends. Pretty sure I should be allowed that once in awhile without being scrutinized for making 'bad decisions' or using 'bad judgement.' I mean...is there something wrong with trying to have FUN every once in awhile in this game that is literally designed to drive you insane? I should hope not.

Now...with that being said, I am going to go out to Omar's kitchen, do three shots of warm vodka...smoke some crack...try to find a vein for that hit of heroin its going to take to get me through the day...then pass on a shower, forget to brush my teeth, throw on the same underwear and jeans I wore yesterday, then hitchhike over to the Venetian, try to be three hours late...and get it in bad in the $1k while talking my face off to the table behind me...all while playing Ms. Pac Man on my iPad and screaming about what a bad  free agent pickup that receiver for the Panthers was last week on my fantasy team!!!!


MONKEY

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Shave you dirty hobo!

Anonymous said...

Well,I may have been out of line, with my suggestions about improving your RESULTS.I have played with you many times (omrgs)and think you are good player who should be great. This is not about anything but poker, the next step up. Think, not monkey , think results. This is not about why you do all those great things,(ie. multitask ), its about what to change for better results. We all have the problem.

Good playing
Deloflatsjim

Anonymous said...

LOL,..at this whole blog,...you looked like a fat rapidly aging turd in Biloxi,...I tried to be nice and you called me a goofy bastard,..merely because i sat in your flown in chair. If you ever talk to me that way again,...I will fucking punch you in the trachea,...you can bank on it kid. Sincerely,.. Carl Adkins.

Anonymous said...

approval,...who the fuck do you think you are,..i used to defend you when everyone in Biloxi said you were a jackass. Fuckoff ,..lardass. CA.

Anonymous said...

If your so self absorbed you don't know who I am,...the guy in the peace hat,...you know,..with the lethal skull rings,..ya goofy bastard. CA. Ohhh,..and good luck with your marriage kid.