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Saturday, November 26, 2011

Home is where the Sleep is!!

There is nothing like getting home after a two-week poker trip, climbing into your ridiculously comfortable bed next to your wife...having your two dogs crawl in with you...and sleep until the next day! That was my Wednesday. 

Took the red-eye out of Vegas. Left at 1am and got in at 9am. Along the way I developed a new-found hatred for an airline other than Delta. And the problem is, I don't even know what to call it. I'm not even sure they know what to call it themselves. United? Continental? How bout UConstiPated? Works for me. 




So, on the way out I told you how these jerkoffs have not only maxed out on the baggage fees, but now have figured out another way to gouge their passengers, who OH! they don't even call passengers, they refer to them as 'customers.' 

By charging $45-$60 for the exit rows. Which...I guess is almost acceptable if a plane is full. But how about when you are flying late at night and the plane is half empty...and someone tries to go move into one of those empty seats?

Snarky Flight Attendant:  "Excuse me sir, did you pay for this seat?"

Passenger: "This seat specifically? No, but I did pay $687 for this flight...is there a problem with me sitting in a seat where I am comfortable?"

Snotty Flight Whore:  "Sir...these are reserved for passengers who want to pay the upgrade fee to sit in them! If they aren't purchased, then they sit empty! Now please go back to your assigned seat!!!"

Its my opinion that this should be borderline illegal. Oh, and for the record? That passenger? Wasn't me. No...see, I'm smart enough to lie to the stupid bitch...who, when she asked if I had paid for this seat I just forcibly smiled and answered with a "Yes Maam."

I swear there was a time in air travel when flight attendants would say "excuse me" when walking by and smashing your elbow, running over your foot or slamming their drink cart into your knee. Those days, apparently are gone. On my particular flight...there was this short, stumpy waitress who had the hips and thighs of an NFL fullback, and every time she bulled her way up the aisle would practically knock me out of my seat. She had to be half Honey Badger for sure. She clearly did NOT give a shit.



On top of it all...they don't even have inflight internet access. How 2000-late are they???

So...I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving. And actually dined on turkey dinner. I was not so lucky. My wife works at the Beau Rivage...and we haven't had a Thanksgiving together in ten years. Instead she gets to spend that wonderful holiday doling out beverages to the degenerates that have no family to report to. Pretty sad.


So what did my Thanksgiving consist of? What else? Watching football, both college and pro. For the first time in decades the Lions actually played in a meaningful game on Turkey Day. But it was the Packers doing all the gobbling. Green Bay...11-0, and looking every bit like the World Champs. While watching football, and watching that asshole defensive lineman out of Nebraska once again make a fool out of himself for the Lions, it dawned on me that John Clayton is pulling off the heist of the decade. This dude has somehow managed to get himself hired by ESPN to function as an 'NFL Insider.' Which is to suggest he is some kind of expert. John 'Pencil Neck' Clayton. If this choad ever played a down of football in his life, I would be shocked. Then I started looking at him....closer, and closer...and then it hit me! Wow! This guy is a dead ringer for Mr. Hand...or...a TURKEY!

Speaking of Honey Badger...LSU looked...in a word, A-W-E-S-O-M-E today against Arkansas. I hope Alabama looks even half as good tomorrow at Auburn. I just can't imagine the Tide going into Auburn and blowing that game tomorrow. If they do, I might not be able to get Squirrel to talk for a week.

That hillbilly gangster Carl Adkins has been leaving all kinds of messages on my message board. Referring to me as a slowly aging turd (fact) insinuating that I am self-absorbed (fact, if you consider my total lack of interest in ANYone's bad beat stories) and wishing me (sarcastically) 'well' in my marriage. Thanks? He also mentioned that I could expect a throat strike (to the trachea) if I were ever to 'talk to him like that again' after requesting my chair back. Let me explain. Carl is a guy who dresses very unusually. Hillbilly hat....oh hell, I think I have a picture here somewhere, hold on.


Yes...that's him...posing, in fact, for this photo. And yes, that is my friend BJ McBrayer on his right. This dude comes off as very eccentric, which is why I have always found him to be so interesting. I pretty much like anything that is 'against the grain' or goes against what most perceive to be 'the norm' in poker and every other walk of life. And if you spend even five minutes talking to this guy or listening to him...its pretty clear that he is very intelligent. Well, he happened to get caught up in my Monkey Crossfire and didn't like how I handled it. And in retrospect, I might have gone a little nuts. 

I had just taken some ridiculous beat, in...I think, a nightly at the IP in that recent event. He was at my table. I got up...rolled my chair over to the wall, parked it there, and did a little decompression walk, cooling my brain, while deciding what to play next. A few minutes later, a SNG was starting up, and they needed another player or two, so I grabbed a seat card. That was when I was alerted by someone (via text message) to 'look at the guy in your chair.' I looked over and here was Carl darting around and doing circles in my chair...which, yeah...is kind of important to me. And it wasn't a cheap chair. And I thought it was a bit disrespectful. I know Carl probably thought it was cute, and a bit funny...and maybe it was. But at that moment, I really didn't feel like watching someone clown around in my chair. So I went and took it away from him. And addressed him with something while doing it (that I can't recall) that he didn't obviously appreciate.

Carl...if you are reading this...I would like to 'sort of' apologize. And yes, this dirty hobo did decide to shave while I was in Vegas. It didn't help much. Though my face did manage to break out in a very annoying rash. Thanks.

The NBA players are still on strike? Really? I hadn't noticed. When will their commercial endorsers finally figure out that no one cares to see them in advertisements either and quit airing those? I dream about the day that I pull up to valet parking at some fancy restaurant and have the 3rd string guard for the Hornets park my car for me. Memo to NBA players: if you think that YOU are bigger than the game of basketball, you are sadly mistaken. Or wonderful...I shit you not, as I finish writing this, ESPN is airing a story that a 'handshake agreement' between the owners and the players has been ironed out, and that the overpaid prima donas will be back on the court by Christmas. Looks like my dream might be dead.

My poker plans after Vegas have been somewhat finalized. Instead of going to Atlantic City for the Harrah's circuit event like I did last year, I decided instead to stay home, chill out for a week, get caught up on all my little 'at home' stuff, spend time with my wife and dogs (kids) then go over to New Orleans and play that event that runs from Dec 8th-18th.  Also, we have a doctor appointment on the 7th to find out what we have growing in Squirrel's belly...a girl or a boy. I kind of wanted to be there for that news.

Even though I finished 2nd in an event at Venetian for $15k and made three final tables in nightly's there for a 2nd, 4th and 5th...I still (with travel, food and expenses) only broke even for the trip. Why? How is that possible? Playing on my own dime for the first week, I pretty much got slaughtered. Then I picked up a backer for the last five events...and that cost me $7500 of that score. Nice timing. Oh well...at least it felt good to get back to a final table and make a 5-figure score for a change this year. 

January offers some conflicts. Especially if Bama beats Auburn tomorrow and concretes a spot in the BCS title game against LSU in New Orleans on January 9th. I'm fairly confident that I can find a way to take Squirrel to that game. But I was planning on being in L.A. for the first two weeks of January for the recently announced circuit event at The Bike, followed by the last two weeks in Vegas for the Circuit event at Caesar's Palace. Then Venetian comes around again in February. My wife pretty much understands that I am going to be taking my shots at everything I can until our baby arrives. And if that means being gone most of the time...well, then so be it. Once my baby shows up, I am not going to EVER want to be gone. Especially on account of poker. So I am really, really hoping I can put away some money.

I know, I still owe you guys a synopsis of the tourney where I had a nice score. And I will bring it. It was a pretty great day. Or two days actually. I just hate making these entries too long. Trust me, I'm not trying to tease you!

A big thank you needs to go out to Christina Sharkady, who once again booked me into the Riviera for my visit to Las Vegas...and I couldn't have enjoyed better accommodations. My king size bed was great, and I got maid service every day. My refridge was cold! And my water was hot! After moving out of Omar's palace on the 36th floor, it was a smooth transition.

Also, thanks to the guys and ladies at the Venetian...for making me feel so welcome. The daily buffet between 2-2:30pm was a very nice touch. The dealers all did a great job. The floor staff were organized and professional as always. The Venetian always does a great job at their events, and I am rarely disappointed when I play there, even when I run bad. The only...ONLY thing I wish they would change...is in the tourneys that utilize the smaller tables (stud tables almost)...which is almost always the nightly tourney and sometimes the 3pm or 5pm tourneys...is STOP making us play 10-handed. It is almost a form of torture. And if there were a way to wrap those posts on the table in foam!!!! That would be great! I must have 'knee-capped' myself at least 8 times in my two weeks there. And it never doesn't hurt like hell!

Okay, its 2:30 am. The wife is home from work. Time to go to bed. 

ROLL TIDE!

MONKEY


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Way to go with the whole shaving thing. Bama will get rolled again by LSU if they are lucky enough to get voted into BCS Championship. Book it!