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Sunday, November 27, 2011

Sunday...4-day run on the couch is over!!!

Okay...that is not totally the case. I still have the Steelers vs. Chiefs game to watch, and root for Antonio Brown to rack up some Fantasy Points for me!

Then, there is a threat out of Kaiville of a trip to New Orleans tomorrow night for Monday Night Football in the Dome between the Saints and the Giants. Obviously I'm rooting for that one to go down!

Here is a question. You have a TV in your living room and one in your bedroom, right? Like most normal humans? So if both TV's are connected to DVR's...why does this happen? You are watching the same channel on both...but on one there is about a one or two second delay...so you hear something on TV #1 first...then hear it again on TV #2? Why??? Until eventually, you get off your lazy ass and go into the other room and either turn the volume down, or just turn it off. But I still want to know why this happens?

My wife put up the Christmas tree while I was in Vegas...with help from 'The Claw.' I'm not going to lie, I was thrilled. Two years ago, she tried to do it on her own...and while getting the decorations out of the attic, fell through the ceiling...literally landing on and destroying the garage door.

Last year she waited til I got home from Vegas to do it. But this year, she did it with Claw. Thanks! A couple days later a package arrived from my mother. Contained in the box was a torture kit. Also know as 'Christmas outfits for our dogs.' And of course she wanted us to drop everything we were doing (which in all honesty was nothing) and dress up the kids and send pictures. It's hard to see, but there are little ankle booties with bells on them. Within 5 minutes, Mollie had chewed all the bells off of hers.

Mollie Claus and Jasper the Reindeer....

I have read that something like $11b in total sales were conducted on Black Friday this year. Is that a lot?

I have good news. We still have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season. And here to share in that good news...is Kate Upton, hard at work milking the family cow.




I invite you to take a gander...and see if you are in agreement with the folks that put this little TOP 100 together. Personally, I have some major differences of opinion on this Top 100 list. There are some obvious omissions, and some that got on this list through some obvious form of blackmail. Or just had a really, really good agent!

Am I the only one who is sick and tired of watching the wide receiver who, every time he either misses the ball or has it overshoot him, comes up flailing his arms and begging for a pass interference call? The rules for corners and safeties have gotten so tight, I don't know how QB's aren't passing for 500 yards every game. It's a joke.

And to every asshole WR who scores and feels like he has to put on a 2 1/2 minute show in the end zone after he scores (most of the time on teams with losing records who are losing the game by a couple of TD's or more)...I would like to ask you: When a guy gets a ridiculous penalty after scoring a HUGE TD in a HUGE game and 'excessively celebrates' do you think that maybe its your idiotic display that is to blame for this OTHER player getting penalized?

Here is a controversial statement. If you know me, you know I'm not racist. But the hair thing...it's out of control. Last week, however...I watched a player (who I think was black...thank god) tackle another player by his ridiculously long hair. Literally grabbed it and wrestled his ass to the ground. It was awesome.


This wasn't the same clip I saw...but its the same premise. Bottom line? The NFL has deemed that the player's hair is 'part of the uniform' and not off limits to being used as a way to bring them down. So my question is...why isn't everyone doing it? Some of these guys' hair has gotten so long it's a joke.

Now here is my question. We all know that in the days of Bear Bryant, and Vince Lombardi...of Joe Paterno, Tom Landry and Bud Grant...there is NO WAY you would EVER see players on their teams sporting that stupid looking hairdo under a football helmet.

"Who you calling a BITCH??? BITCH!!!!!"

So, here is my question. Is it possible, maybe...that nothing has been done to curtail the out-of-control hair thing because the Commissioner, team owners and front office personnel are scared of the possible 'racial' implications that might be raised? Has our society become so paranoid about committing career suicide by doing or saying something that might result in him or her being branded a sexist, or a racist that certain things just get overlooked? I feel pretty strongly that if the majority of the players with the ultra-long hair were white, (take for example AJ Hawk and Clay Matthews of Green Bay) that Goodell would have already done something about it. I mean...this guy has shown ZERO hesitation when it comes to handing out fines for just about everything. A fine gets doled out when a player wears his socks to high, or too low. Or wearing shoes that are a shade too one way or the other. Really? But running around with hair falling out of your helmet and obscuring nearly ALL of your uniform is okay?

Why don't they just admit it? They are afraid to do anything about it. True or False? I would like to hear your opinions on this. And I wish I could ask Roger Goodell myself. Ah...then again, no I don't, I'm sure he would just answer with some prepared statement to come off sounding like it was written by a politician.

Oh. Wow. Speaking of politicians. What in the hell is going on in the Republican party? You do ALL realize, don't you...that Obama is going to get re-elected next year? That it won't even be close? Look at what the GOP is doing. It's comical. And after dialing up my HULU+ lately at a tourney and catching up on all the missed Jon Stewart and The Daily Show's...I was able to more or less confirm for myself what I already knew...that the current crop of GOP candidates is a JJJJJJJJJJoke.

First Michelle Bachmann wins the Iowa Straw Poll. Which is hilarious. It's a bunch of people you pay $30 to show up, eat your free food, and vote for you. So Michelle outspent everyone. Michelle appeared on Jimmy Fallon's show this week, to the entry song of 'Lyin Ass Bitch' which...after it was told to her later, she freaked out about. Hilarious. Michelle is currently listed in about 8th place among all candidates. The guy who was listed in last place 6 months ago? Newt Gingrich? He of the various corruption scandals? He is now considered your leader!

Mr. Pizza? Who had everyone excited with his '9-9-9' plan and 'tell it like it is' approach? After watching about 6 shows worth of clips from Stewart, and hearing simple common sense at play, I came away wondering how in the hell this guy is even being taken seriously. He was asked about Libya, and takes a huge, deep sigh...and noticeably grasps for anything he can come up with that will look credible. Holy fuh-reaking cow. In debates, he defers to 'the other guy' to go first because he has no clue how to answer the question. Forget about the whole 'sexual harassment' scandal...not that I doubt that it happened, I just don't think I care that much about it in a political sense. What I DO care about, is having a president who is a fucking idiot. And this guy Cain? Is a fucking idiot.



But the idiocy isn't limited to race or sex. Oh no. I give you...Governor Rick Perry of Texas. If you didn't think it was possible for a dumber politician to come from the State of Texas than GWB...well, sorry to burst your bubble, but they have topped him. This is a country of what? 300 million Americans? And these are the best candidates the GOP can throw out there? I am disgusted. I literally get angry when I tune in to one of these stupid debates. The best candidate, in my opinion, is Ron Paul. The problem? He is about as presidential as my dog Jasper.(no offense to Jasper) I just think its easy to see....we are doomed.


What I am almost fully expecting, and might as well go ahead and predict now...hell, she already spent a damn fortune on the tour bus...is that this is exactly how it was all supposed to play out for her, and riding in on what she thinks will be a white horse...will be Sarah Palin, to declare herself a candidate. After all, it seems to be as much about timing as anything. Remember when Rick Perry was teasing us with his hedging back and forth on whether to run...and then when he finally did, he was the overwhelming favorite? For what? About two weeks? Figure 'ol Sarah to stick her big fat head into this GOP mess in about March.

Oh boy. It's halftime of the Steelers-Chiefs game...time to listen to Bob Costas and his halftime diatribe, where he tries to make us all realize how much bigger his vocabulary is than yours. He makes me want to punch him in the face. Granted, his topic on tonight's rant is something I just covered...the asshole endzone acts by today's stupid football players.

Today's notable act was Stevie Johnson of the Bills, who scored against the Jets and went into an act that concluded with him pretending to shoot himself accidentally in the thigh...taking a shot at the Jets' Plaxico Burress. Well, dipshit cost his team 15 yards...which gave the Jets a short field...and guess who scored a go-ahead touchdown moments later? Yeah. Plax. And guess who had the game-winning touchdown pass go right through his hands to end the game? Yup. Little Stevie. Way to do work there, playa!

Little Stevie...who clearly puts more emphasis on being noticed than playing winning football.
But there is something to smile about in football. And some of you might hate the guy. Whatever...if you hate him, you probably hate yourself. Tim Tebow. Definitely not the smoothest of NFL QB's. Doesn't have even DECENT stats. In fact, his stats SUCK. But guess what? Since he took over the starting QB job in Denver, they are 5-1. They sit one game out of first place.

And when the Broncos are down in the 4th quarter...and he has the ball...there is a certain aura about him that few players in the past have had. Something almost magical. The guy is a born leader. He says all the right things in interviews. He praises his teammates. He isn't a hotdog. He isn't self-centered. He is everything that is right with sports. And though I hate the Florida Gators...and grew up hating the Denver Broncos (as a Seahawk's fan in the old AFC West) I love what this guy is doing. And between you and me...who doesn't think there is a slight possibility that God is a Denver Broncos fan?


Oh and for those of you...and inevitably there are a handful...that like to follow up their Tebow-hating chants with verbiage like 'Tebow's a fag!!!' I give you either his current g/f or one of his exes....yeah...this guy is a real fag.

Sign me up for some FAGDOM!!!!

Oh...if you really want to talk about a guy who is averse to having a normal life with a well-adjusted woman...we can talk about Jerry Sandusky..who recently sat down at home...and answered a call from good 'ol Bob Costas...and conducted one of (if not THE most) the most pathetic interviews I think I've ever watched in my life. It's the only time I can remember when I wanted to slap the person Costas was interviewing MORE than Costas himself. For those who are child predators...who get arrested, charged, and decide to try to exonerate yourself on national TV...here is the proper way NOT to act and/or sound in an interview!!! Holy SH**!!!!


And now on the heels of the Penn State scandal...comes new information in the Syracuse bombshelll that surfaced two weeks ago. In what looked like a possible situation where a couple of guys were trying to capitalize on the Penn State mess, things intensified this weekend, when Bernie Fine's wife acknowledged thinking that there was something 'not right' with her husband, or the 'relationship' he had with the two boys (now men) that were named in the current scandal. So after Jim Boeheim went to bat for this guy, and vehemently denied any knowledge of the allegations against Fine...this mess in Syracuse is about to get worse.

My question? What the F-U-*-* is going on in this world? Where do these scum bags come from? How do they look themselves in the mirror and not just go to the local police and ask them to please remove them from the streets? How do these guys not just do the world a favor and kill themselves? I am about to bring (knock on wood) a child into this world...and so help me God...if my kid EVER has to go through something even remotely resembling this kind of thing...that person will die. And I will hold absolutely no regrets about having to spend the rest of my life behind bars. I know there are those who say 'it's not worth it' or 'two wrongs don't make a right' and all that.

You know...we are all entitled to our opinions, and I certainly try not to disagree (or pass judgement) with those who live their lives that way. But I just don't place enough value on my own personal freedom I guess to think that I would ever be able to live with myself if I allowed myself to condone that kind of thing without there being some kind of ultimate repercussion for the culprit. For me, it's pretty cut and dried. If any one ever seriously hurts my wife or child...they have about a 97% chance of dying a very painful death.


Where was I? Oh...you didn't think this was a poker blog did you? Hahahah! For those of you stopping by my blog for the first time because someone told you to check it out...and you expected to see some awesome poker references...well, sorry! Not today! And since we no longer are allowed to play online poker in the good 'ol US of A...there are no horror stories to share about my weekend 'online session from hell.' Boy...I sure do not miss those!

Football! More football! Yes,..this was a tremendously exciting weekend. Taking second fiddle in the Squirrel-Monkey household was my Washington Huskies winning the 104th Apple Cup by smashing the hated WSU Cougars..and finishing up the season 7-5, continuing the rebuilding job by Steve Sarkisian. Looks like a Holiday Bowl berth for us again...against probably Baylor or Oklahoma. Nice matchup.

Chris Polk continued with his great season at running back, finishing with 100 yards and boosting his season total to 1,341 yards...3rd in the Pac-12 and 13th in the nation.

The Huskies hoist the Apple Cup trophy for the 3rd year in a row!!!

But earlier in the day...the 'real game' as most of you would agree down here in the south, was played in Auburn. The 76th Iron Bowl had about as much at stake as it's had in the past three years. We watched last year as Alabama owned Auburn and Cam Newton in the first half...and appeared headed to a rout, while derailing Auburn's run for a National Title.


But then Bama blew it. In one of the most gut-wrenching choke jobs of all time...the Tide allowed Auburn to rally, and eventually win the game, propelling Cam Newton to the Heisman Trophy, and a National Title...with a win over Oregon. That loss hung in the air like the putrid stench of a rotting carcass. So with so much on the line yesterday...despite being 21 point favorites, there was a desire among most Bama fans to see a convincing win delivered. And a new phrase was born...'NEVER AGAIN.'

The Defense was suffocating...limiting Auburn to 44 total yards of offense before a 4th quarter drive got them to just over 100 for the game. Auburn had 1 first down in the 1st half!!!

After 3 quarters full of 6-12 yard gains...Trent Richardson finally busted off a long run, narrowly missing getting into the end zone for 2nd time on the day.

Enjoying a career high 203 yards...the Bama junior now has an excellent chance of being the second tailback from Tuscaloosa to bring home the Heisman in the last three years.


Squirrel and I went to Hi-Lights at the I.P. to meet Gabe and Claudia and watch the game. Claudia is always fun to watch 'Bama games with, and she treats every play like it's the final play of the game...and loves to talk shit to anyone around her that isn't pulling for the Crimson Tide. With the exception of a sack at the 5 that led to a fumble and touchdown...and a kickoff return for a TD as a result of having the WORST kicker in college football, who seems to never be able to get it any deeper than the 10 yard line...the Tigers would never see the end zone.

Their offense was totally shut down. Bama's offense outgained them 4 to 1. It was the perfect way to close out the season. Now it just becomes a question of 'can I get tickets to the BCS title game for a decent price?' Because there is nothing I would like to treat Cheryl to more than a chance to see 'Bama play in the Championship game. I can't even imagine the look on her face as we walked into the Superdome. She might just faint.

BOOK IT! LSU and BAMA will lock horns again....JAN 9th, in the Crescent City...to decide who is the NUMBER ONE team in the nation!!!!
 I do know one thing for sure! The city of New Orleans is going to be ONE FUN PLACE to be on January 9th. Holy shit.

When this Dome's a Rockin...don't bother knockin...you will NOT get in!!!

 Is there a downside to maybe going to the BCS title game with my wife, and watching the Crimson Tide beat LSU and stake claim to their 2nd National Title in three years? Well...not much, no. But having a wife who will be 5 1/2 months pregnant when the game takes place...means we will have to avoid this mob scene...which, on the heels of a Bama win might have actually been fun, as much as I hate crowds, and crowds of drunks especially!!!


The other down side...is that I just made plans, and booked myself a one-way flight to L.A. for the night of January 1st (cheap fares when flying on New Year's Day!) to get to the Bike in time for the WSOP-C event there that runs to the 18th. If we somehow luck into tickets, well...it's going to mean I have to hop on a plane the day before the 9th...fly home, go to the game, then turn around the next day and shoot back to L.A. Hey! Whatever! This games don't come around very often now, do they!???

Alright...so, here we are with :39 seconds left...and KC trailing Pittsburgh 13-9. I have Pittsburgh in several of my survivor pools, however, I also have a serious rooting interest in KC covering the 10 pts they are getting. Okay...Pittsburgh just intercepted KC to end the game. There is bliss in MonkeyVille tonight!!!!

Oh in case no one has figured this out, and trust me, I have my grammatically-challenged wife to remind me of this every day...I struggle mightily with these three words and how to properly use them:

THEIR
THERE
THEY'RE
I am well aware.

My perfect (almost perfect, nice choke job today by my stupid Seahawks) weekend is now over...I am going to treat myself to a nice, long, hot bath!!!

MONKEY

PS: HEY! When I do up a poll...which is always over there on the left...I would appreciate a little feedback. Won't take you but a second. This week's poll centers around who should be winning the Heisman. And if you want to follow it up with a comment on here, please do...I will be sure to post it to the comment board. Personally, I am of course 'rooting' for Trent Richardson to win, but in actuality think the winner should be Montee Ball of Wisconsin. Or Case Keenum of Houston. Although between those two...and all the other candidates, I firmly believe Trent Richardson is going to have the best NFL career. And wouldn't it be nice to have a Heisman Trophy winner who actually goes on to have a decent NFL career?


















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