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Sunday, May 27, 2012

Happy Memorial Day Weekend to Everyone!!!

This is a pretty special holiday if you live in the south. It also hits close to home whenever I am up north in Alabama with Squirrel's side of the family...as her brother Scott served a couple tours in Iraq...and her cousin is a commander in the army for a unit that is over in Afghanistan right now... today we got to see his wife, who was dying to see Carley. We drove 'home' yesterday....and what is usually a 5-hour drive for us was instead an 8-hour odyssey, due in large part to Miss Carley, who (I'm finding out) certainly does rule the roost. But that's okay...there was no big hurry. And it was her first big road trip. She did great.

I was watching the local news...about a young kid who came home to one of these small towns around here, to a hero's welcome. He was missing both of his legs. But he had the greatest attitude. It leaves me feeling several emotions. I think the most diehard, red-blooded, patriotic Americans are from the South...100%. And they make up approximately 65% of our military. A lot of that can be attributed to 'opportunity' or lack of it. You get a lot of poor kids...who really have no other roads to pursue, that end up joining the military to try and make a career for themselves. You get a lot of kids not qualified for college who are in the same boat. Its just the reality of the situation. 

So I guess when I watch the news, or read the news...and dig deeper into articles dealing with these last ten years of conflict in Iraq and Afghanistan, it kind of pisses me off. Because I firmly believe we are accomplishing two things in the past decade with these ill-conceived wars. (a) destroying the economy, and (b) doing great damage to a whole generation of Americans. The number of soldiers returning from the Middle East who are committing violent crimes and/or committing suicide is absolutely staggering. And while deaths aren't off the charts like they were in Vietnam...the number of soldiers returning home missing limbs is astonishing. The billions that are being spent on these wars...for countries who have no desire to be introduced to our 'way of life' is offensive. We build them a school...it gets blown up. We build them a bridge...same deal. We teach them how to fight, or police themselves...and one of them tips off the opposition, and they all get killed in a building by a car bomb. I mean...what the hell is the point? Those people have been hating Christians and what the Christians stand for now for thousands of years. Are we ignorant or pompous enough to think we are the ones to change that theology?

I love the soldiers who are willing to follow orders, to do 'whatever it takes' to keep America free...or whatever our interpretation of 'freedom' is. Whenever I see a soldier in a store, an airport, the post office...wherever it might be, I always tell them 'thank you' and shake their hand. I never served in the military...and because of that I feel a little guilty sometimes. Oh...it wasn't that I didn't consider it...I did. But I wanted to be a fighter pilot. And with my education level, and my height, I was only offered a chance to fly helicopters and P-3 Orions, the Navy's submarine hunters...also used for flying into hurricanes by the Air Force. I decided to go a different route in life...and yeah, there are plenty of days that I regret it. 

But again...when I see these young men coming home dead or maimed...it really pisses me off. They are too young to experience that. They have no say in the matter. They have Moms and Dads...who have to bury them or see them suffer. Or a wife and kids...who lose their Daddy. For what? Just tell me WHY...and it would be easier to accept. So Halliburton can keep making billions with their contractor deals? I mean, I get it...there is a 'reason' for us to be there...to a point. And that point? Keeping the Taliban and Al Qaeda from assuming control in that region, especially Pakistan...and gaining possession of Pakistan's nukes. Which would likely result in total chaos, and possible World War. But to have 100k troops on the ground in Afghanistan? Pretty pointless. It's a special forces theater of operations and that is it. 

Maybe I've vented too much. I should get back to the central theme of this blog. I respect and admire our current troops, and all those who have served this country in the past. And on this holiday, I know that I will personally reflect back on those who have made what has kind of become an overused phrase...'the ultimate sacrifice.'  (Thanks for ruining a great line GWB)

So yeah...we are up in North Alabama all weekend visiting Squirrel's side of the family. Really a great bunch of people...I am lucky to be a part of their family. I got a whole bunch of really, really nice comments from you readers after my last blog. And a couple, well...one actually, that was pretty shitty. From the same 'person' who left me one back in February. In fact...it was pretty comical...I saved it, and as I read them side by side...it was almost the exact same message, word for word. Hey...um, Mr. Anonymous...I get it, you think I'm a shitty poker player. Whatever...maybe I am. Could care less honestly. But this BS you keep shouting about 'coming clean about our house getting robbed?' That it was made up by me? And that I should 'pay back all those people who didn't get paid?' It cracks me up that you still are trying to insist that never happened. You imbecile. First, I provided, ON THIS BLOG...the case number, the name of the detective...and then provided the names AND PHOTOS!!! of the assholes who robbed us after they were apprehended. Um...did you miss all that? 

And furthermore...who didn't get paid? I had a bunch of people in my football pools that were affected, yep...and when I went out to Venetian in February...and won/chopped a $550 tourney for $15k...guess what? Everyone got paid. And...on top of it all...those who had to wait, were rewarded with a free entry in the next year's pool. So...please...if you want to continue to send me this stupid ass message...at least have a fucking clue what you are talking about. Maybe I will even publish one of them...even though you are STILL too chickenshit to attach your name to them. I wonder...what do people like you look like? 

But anyway...to those of you who left the really nice messages, thanks. It actually does mean a lot to me. And I surely didn't write anything I didn't mean. I just kind of think...with the birth of Carley...I've really had a chance to sit back, and reflect on what is truly important in life. And while I enjoy the game of poker, and it IS in fact something I think I am relatively good at, certainly not the BEST by any stretch...but good enough I think, that on any given day...I could make the final table. I know that I will always have a bit of a desire to compete in big tournaments. Just not so much...or so often, to the point that its just making me miserable, and a nervous, stressed out mess.

So...I had a couple of nibbles about doing a staking deal for the entire summer...wherein I would play a full schedule of WSOP events (20-25) as well as 5-10 Venetian events and a few Caesar's and Nugget tourneys. But the more I thought about it...the more I thought I would much rather stay at home with my baby. Squirrel got screwed around by her work...on her hours, having to do with her maternity leave...and instead of having to be back on July 7th or so...now has to be back in two weeks. Ridiculous. So...she is going to really need me, and it feels good to be needed...as a father. It's something I've been looking forward to doing my whole life. Well, when the bell sounds...I don't want to be off in Las Vegas chasing that stupid 7-week carnival like I have the past 6 years. 

Oh, don't think it doesn't hurt a little to see all the Facebook posts like "Here we go...off to Vegas for the summer!!!" Or all the text messages from people asking me 'when are you heading to Vegas' and 'where are you staying in Vegas?' It does. For sure. Last year at this time...I was heading to Vegas right now...and gearing up for the National Freeroll...which I fell well short of qualifying for this year. (despite having the same number of cashes, 6) I had those same hopes and dreams that a lot of guys have right now. Start off the summer by cashing or winning the freeroll! Bankroll more WSOP events! Snap off a Venetian event! Final table a WSOP event! Come home with a million dollars or more! None of that happened. Oh...I cashed 14 times last summer. But I came home down about $10k for the summer. I played the Main Event...and once again...was busted on Day 3...just shy of the money. It was depressing as f***!

And its not something I can lie about. The money? It's definitely dwindled to a point that its now the cause of financial pressure for the first time in years. But hey! That's life. And when the going gets tough? Well...you adapt. Stick and move! Find a solution! So...that is the plan. Let Squirrel go back to work. Work on some other things in the background. Grind away playing cash all summer. Maybe find a decent job...not one that is going to make me homicidal whenever I go in to work! 

Oh...do NOT think that I am not going to find the ten days necessary to travel out to Vegas to play the Main Event! I'm not STUPID! Hopefully, Cheryl's mom will be able to come down for the first couple weeks of July...while I go out to Vegas with a buddy...and probably play the last big $1k at WSOP...then likely one or two $1k Megas for the Main, and then (whether I win the Mega or not) play the Main Event. And having not been grinding my brains out all summer? I like my chances to go in there fresh...and do well. I will most likely either sell $15k worth of action to one person, or portion it out and sell shares.  I have plenty of time to work all that out.

Guess what tomorrow is!??? Or Sunday...if you are reading this on Sunday? Yep! My first official day of hosting the radio show with Scotty Clark of St. Louis. And I will be doing it poolside I guess...before taking my three nephews to see 'The Avengers!'




I think, after listening to the show last week...that I was at first supposed to be on, but due to a misunderstanding between the two of us (him thinking I would be busy playing) I wasn't. Which was totally fine and cool. Oh but anyway...I think (after listening to the archived taping) his show went pretty smooth. And so I am pretty excited about our first show together tomorrow. And coming in for the first show...and I really, really appreciate these guys doing this for me...not that I would have expected them to say no...but still, really excited to have Frank Kassela...the WSOP POY from 2010...and Mr. 'Shot in the Dark' himself Dwyte 'The Duke' Pilgrim! Frank will lead off the show at 3:05 CT or so...and Dwyte will come in right after him...barring an uncharacteristic no-show by either one of them.

TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW JUST CLICK HERE and it should take you right to the show page! Also...if you miss the show, you can always click this link...and go back and hear it later on the archived shows! Additionally, you will be able to start hearing the show via YouTube or iTunes in a week or so. Scott is getting all of that worked out...as he is the 'technical end' of this radio program. I am just the fluff! Or whatever nasty label you wish to apply to me! Just so you guys know...the only reason I am doing this show...isn't for the fame or fortune, or the desire to show everyone what a great poker player I am. Nope..its for the money! I am getting paid $100,000 per episode!!! So yeah duh! Obviously it's for the money, right!??? Okay...maybe I'm exaggerating! I will let you all know, however...that the show's sponsor, which is currently LOCK poker...but I anticipate will be switching over to their new network when all that goes down...wants us to keep the show out of the gutter. Hence, if you are looking for me to take off the gloves and go after some people, it might not happen the way you were hoping. Sorry. I'm just following orders...gotta keep those 6 figure, I mean 5 figure...wait wait...4 figure...okay, 3 figure...paychecks flowing in!!!!

My Rangers...oh my Rangers. I am still in mourning. And probably will be for a few more weeks. In what I really thought was going to be a Carley Grace-inspired Stanley Cup season for my Rangers...ended in sadness last night...after erasing a 3-0 deficit in game 5...to tie it up....then friggin lose, they did the same thing last night, getting down 2-0 early...then fighting back to tie it...taking the game to overtime...then losing. And losing to the team I hate more than any other team in the NHL...the New Jersey fucking Devils. I hope the LA Kings sweep those jagoffs. I hate New Jersey. The state. Most of the people. Their tolls. Their casinos. (except Borgatta...and sometimes Harrah's) Their guido, idiot TV shows. I guess it could be worse...I could be a Vancouver Canucks fan. Ouch.

Had me a little moment today that would remind you of this commercial...all except for the part where I end up in a roadside ditch.


So...I hate flies. A lot. And today...they were everywhere. Outside the house. Inside the house. Grrr....fucking flies! So...I found not one... but FOUR...flyswatters on top of my sister-in-law's refrigerator. I decided to appoint myself the Fly Assassin. Fly #1. Dead! Fly #2. Dead! Fly #3...ahhh...fly number tre! Very tricky little fucker. He decides to land on the lip of the light fixture hanging over the glass top stove...where, surrounding that stove was Cheryl, sister-in-law Bridget, and cousin Lynn. Monkey moves in....with quite possibly the greatest fly swatter ever....lines up my prey...and strikes! Whoa!!! Wait! OMG...what the fcuk just happened!!! Said light fixture was loose....and when struck, broke free of the 0-ring holding it back...shattering the bulb....then falling down onto the glass stove top...breaking it too. All four of us stood there...silent...with that 'HOLY F***ing SHIT' look on all of our faces. And I felt like the biggest asshole on the planet.

So after cleaning up all the broken glass...I booked it for Home Depot...which was located in another town. No biggie. Nice half hour drive. Arrive at Home Depot. Find old, bald guy in lighting. Knows nothing about lighting. Or their current inventory. Find item on my own. What is it with these retail stores now-a-days? I think Best Buy has GOT to be the worst! Is it just me? Or am I usually about 20 times more intelligent and aware of the stuff in Best Buy than any one actually working at Best Buy? Its like...you walk in, they ask if they can help you...you attempt to LET THEM help you...and about two minutes into the experience you're like...'holy shit man...do me a favor and just fuck off...please!' Do you have that experience? 

So...I pick out my items. I go to the customer service desk...because like every time I shop at Home Depot, they have to look up my account number. Why? Because...I paid off my balance three years ago...and cut up my cards. However, a few months later...I found the need to make a large purchase there. And now...that is how I make purchases there now...and Best Buy...incidentally, by letting them look up my account using my Social Security number. Well...on this occasion, I would spend 1 hour and 23 minutes at that front desk. Oh...I'm sure there could be any number reasons for WHY this happened. Lets just say it always seems like these fucking marathons of annoyances happen to me! It wasn't the girl's fault. Nope...it was the various idiots on the other side of the phone...who kept demonstrating for us just how stupid human being could actually be. I think I would have rather ended up in a roadside ditch. Alas..they finally did get my transaction to 'go through' and also update my information to remove the 'home phone number' from my account that I disconnected 6 years ago. (seriously, who STILL has a land line in their home? And why?) 

When I got home from Home Depot...I had an eye patch on and was trying to explain to everyone what had taken me so long. Then I went in the kitchen and started in with my repairs. Then I wrestled my kid away from everyone and laid next to her on the couch...her sleeping, and me watching the original 'Bad News Bears' with my brother-in-law Scott...while everyone else went to bed. It was nice. And with that...I bid you adieu!

Monkey

4 comments:

scottyclark said...

If you are the fluff, does that make me the fluffer? And Lock has sent our paychecks, uh McDonalds gift certificates. I am still hopeful that "if you build it, they will come".

Anonymous said...

That was the fuking worst,boreing,unfunny and cringefull radio show I have ever heard!!! FUCK.
What the fuck were yall thinking? It was so awkward, I was embarrased for you guys!! Jesus Christ!!

Poker Monkey said...

The thought of you as fluffer makes me feel the need to call my agent and renegotiate my contract!

Poker Monkey said...

First, let me thank you for listening to the show. As bad as you found our show to be...I am just as impressed with your amazing ability to spell. As for what were we thinking? Well, I can't speak for what Scott is/was thinking...but I pretty much was just thinking...'ask good questions' and 'let my guests finish their thoughts.' Awkward? Well...yeah...I find life pretty awkward. I do appreciate you being embarrassed for us though. Without your pity and sympathy...I would probably not be able to muster the desire to get out of bed tomorrow morning.

Monkey