Final Table=Red Snapper Time!

It was an uneventful weekend at the Beau Rivage. Couple of $15K guarantees ended about the same for me. On Saturdays affair...I had laid down about three big hands before we were in the 300/600 level and I am sitting in the BB with QQ. I had already laid it down once...in the first level, when there was a raise to 200 followed by a re-raise to 600. We started with 4500. I had 50 invested. Felt it was a good time to pass. Never found out what the other guy had.

But we got late...and after being completely card dead for 2 levels, I felt like I had to take my chances. Middle raises...then the button moves all in with a lot of chips. I just had to hope he was squeezing with something I could beat. Hope went out the window when he turned over AA. To make it worse he flopped a set..Yikes. See ya.

Then on Sunday I was hovering around 6K...when this dude raises UTG...MIN raises...oh we are going to delve into my Top Ten pet peeves (what with the GCPC coming up and everything-feel its important to let everyone know what I would personally like them to AVOID!) later in this entry!

Now this guy is kind of a freaky guy...he is known to play very erratic. I look down at JJ. He has me covered. What do I want to do here? Hmmmmm. Hate smooth calling with JJ...its so scary. But I do anyway. The flop comes A K 5. He CHECKS. Huh? Check? Interesting. This guy flop a set? Two pair? Or is he sitting there min-raising with 55/66 something like that? Wish I could see through his cards! Well the turn is a K. Wow. Now he bets out $1000. Into the $1100 pot. And I sit there and just stare at him. Yeah..that would be the right thing to do with two pair...say KK/55....KK/99...anything like that I have him beat. I entertain thoughts of folding...but then think I see something in his face...and SHOVE all IN. He beats me in there and turns over AA. Oh christ! Drawing dead! Wow. I suck. I stand up. Laugh...tell him great hand and crawl out of the Beau Rivage and go home...where I get online, and DO WORK!

For three days I played small ball. Playing $5, $6.50 and $11 sit n gos I pull my balance up to around $350 from a low of $25. Squirrel even gets into the act, cashing two SNG's while I was sleeping and dreaming about biscuits and KFC gravy...their gravy is SO good! I don't play the Monday or Tuesday tourney. I was actually getting sucked into the Olympics. Monday night Squirrel goes out with her girlfriends.

Oh boy. She slithers in around 5:45am...and when I tell you she was drunk...well its like saying it was hot and humid the other day. The smell coming out of her face was HORRENDOUS. And of course she wanted to fool around. NO WAY! I had to go to the guest room and lock the door. She was so drunk she wouldn't/couldn't even walk across the house to get there....instead she kept CALLING ME! I finally turned off my phone! It was a nightmare. She paid for it the next day! I didn't go play the Tuesday night tourney so I could baby sit her hung-over ass. Luckily for her she didn't have to work. Don't know if she would have survived!

So Wednesday arrives. I spend all day running errands. I look in my wallet and notice my wad of cash is getting shockingly smaller and decide tonight would be a really good time to go win the tourney at the Beau Rivage. Not only for my wallet but my confidence as well, especially with the big event coming up next week. I spent a few hours in the backyard getting my tan on, reading my scintillating novel (which is almost done) and getting my game face on. I got my new replacement phone in the mail also. Spent two hours getting that set up...and then...DISASTER strikes.

Me being a retard, I think that ALL my numbers are saved to the SIM card. I put my SIM into my new blackberry...do the thing that saves the phonebook to new phone....and see a few numbers and naturally think they are all in there, right? So I go ahead and perform the maneuver that erases ALL the phone numbers off of the old blackberry, so I can give that phone to Squirrel. Done. Numbers on there, GONE! Then about halfway through the day...it comes to my attention...that HOLY SHIT...I only have about HALF the numbers from my phone on my new phone! I call support. Turns out the SIM card only held 200 numbers. I had 358 on there.

It saved the first 200 that were put on that phone...which means anyone I added in the last 8 months is GONE! SO if you are reading this...and you think you QUALIFY as one of those people....PLEASE CALL ME so I can have your number again. I am so STUPID! But I do LOVE my new phone...the Blackberry Curve. The internet feature on it is just awesome. I'm guessing its not as delightful as the iPhone...but I am not switching over to ATT. No way. Back to Poker.

PS. I have had a few of you say "Your Blog is TOO LONG, Monkey!" Hey I know! But look, if you guys know me...you know that I am a rambler! I cant make short little profound statements? Have I ever left you a voice message on your phone!?? Then you know! Look, I'm flattered that you read this crap, I am...but WHY YA GOTTA TRY TO CHANGE ME, MAN!!!!!>>>????

Wednesday. Drop Squirrel off when we find her car in one of THREE possible places she might have left it. Head to the Beau. Get to the tourney ON TIME...which is spooky weird. My first table I quickly win a couple small pots...then go to sleep. There is a guy at my table who is playing like an absolute maniac. I have 7 or 8 decent players at the table, and 10K in chips and crazy ass. So I make a decision. I am going to sit and play nothing but TOP 5 hands and either let someone bust this guy...or get lucky and pick up a monster and get tripled up. Or just sit there and do nothing. It ends up being option C.

But I still only get down to 8K. I have decided that this is the beauty of the 10,000K starting stack. You can literally sit there, in a field under 60 players...and NOT play a hand and just about make it down to 2 tables. The other thing is that when you play NO hands...and you do FINALLY raise....and now there is say (300/600=900 plus 500 antes...total 1400) 1400 in the pot...you are probably going to take it down. And if you are sitting there with 5400 chips in front of you...that 1400 is pretty good for the 'Ol Stack. Well, sick boy makes this play.....

with the blinds 100/200....there is a limp. And another. And another. I look at 66...I am not going to get stupid here. I call. Though I did think about getting stupid. Crazy ass calls. (I will tell you now...he has 4 7 offsuit. That's right. Which is fine...given the way the hand is playing out NOW.) Another guy calls. SB completes. And the BB...raises....great. TO 2 THOUSAND! Fuck. Nice bet bastard. 1600 in the pot and he raises 2000. Hmmm, a play? Everyone folds to me. I reluctantly fold. But not crazy ass. He calls. Everyone else folds. The flop comes 4-4-J. The first raiser moves all in...of course...with QQ....and our hero announces, "I think I got lucky man, I call" and of course he did.

No Q comes and the guy looked like he was going to throw up all over the table. The rest of us shot each other looks...you KNOW the looks...kind of a "what the fuck did I just see go down" look. All of you who play poker KNOW the look I'm talking about. That was REALLY when my plan to sit there like a bump on a log went into effect. It was easy too, being as card dead as I was. I finally pick up 44 in 2nd position, and I mentally talk myself into thinking I just looked down at AA. So I raise. I get a walk. And nut job says "Wow, when you raise NO ONE calls, but when I raise, they all do!" Hmmm...lets examine that statement! No...lets not!

They break our table. Finally. I get moved to the table up top (13) that is an old stud table...which is stupid, since they almost NEVER play stud in there anymore. What was even stupider (hope that is a word) is that Table 16 in the back...a full-size table, was empty! Grrrr......Hey Beau Rivage...what are the chances of us getting rid of those two stud tables in there and replacing them with NORMAL sized tables? Us fat bastards are going crazy sitting ten-handed at those damn things. Well, I draw seat 6.

The guy in Seat 5 isn't even in the MIDDLE of the table...we are both supposed to be splitting the box...he is almost in the 6 seat! I ask the dealer to square up the table. The guy turns and gives me the stink eye. Old guy. Weird face. Oh boy...here we go again. The CURSE of the OLD CRAZY MAN! I say "Sir, not sure why you are giving me a dirty look, I would just like to get in there and sit in my seat, not your lap, and you are way too far over." We pretty much avoid each other...for awhile.

I pick up KK when I really need it...raise in the 2 spot....and get...KILL ME....FOUR callers. Great. We know I am losing this one. FLOP comes A J 4...two hearts. Dude in BB goes all in for 4400. Son of a bitch. I muck. Did he have an ace or a flush draw? Who knows....all I know is that there were still THREE guys left to act, and didn't like my chances of spiking a K. Damn KINGS! But I somehow survive. In a SB vs BB tussle...the old coot limps in again and I look down at 10-7 off for about the 5th time in the last ten hands. I say "Oh this hand AGAIN...lets see what you can do dealer"....the flop comes 10 high. He checks. I bet pretty big. He pauses. I say..."Is top pair good here!?" "if you really HAVE top pair it is!"

I tell him I do...not proud of my kicker, but yeah I do. And he goes into this weird freaking impersonation of a Japanese/Asian person. I still don't know what the relevance was. He asks me if I have seen his 'Japanese Impersonation' and I of course tell him no. And here he goes...apparently he had done this at his previous table because someone told me about it on the next break. He goes into the whole facial contortion required to pull of such an act. And after his act ends...and he folds, and I show him the 10...it dawns on me.

WOW. I am white. With German, English, Dutch and some Sioux Indian in me. So my life has been pretty, well...smooth, when it comes to things having to deal with racial overtones. What I am saying is I cant say I have ever been sitting in a situation where someone is pretending to be "A monkey" and doing, saying and acting in a way that would make me want to get up...walk over...and smack the shit out of someone.

What must that feel like? To be black, I am sure that requires great self discipline all throughout life. I admire those who are able to handle the shit they must go through. I don't know if I could do it. I really don't. Its a very sensitive subject. But I will say this, don't think for one second of the rest of eternity that you will ever catch ME, or anyone I am friends with ( I HOPE) acting in a way that would denigrate someone's ethnicity. As this clown was doing this, I just started feeling (on top of uncomfortable and awkward) that if there were ANY Asian player at the table...that I would FULLY understand if that guy got up, picked up a bat...walked over...and clubbed that fucker til he was unconscious.

I mean...what is this guy thinking? Trouble is, I bet he doesn't even KNOW that what he is doing is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. And that is what REALLY SUCKS about it. Okay...enough about that. Frankly, I think the guy had a screw loose. Big Time. He would make that abundantly clear later with more obscure shenanigans.

Our table breaks. I escape him. Meanwhile, I notice that crazy boy...who had over 40K when they broke our table two levels ago...is now no longer with us. No..he is out. WOW. But 'Ol Monkey is still here bitches. Short stack maybe, but alive. Well Diana the dealer is in the 3 seat playing. Don't know about Diana. Not sure if she hates me or what...for about a year now whenever she sees me she just glares at me.

Not really sure what brought that on, but I always now just pretty much ignore her. Well I am in the BB and of course haven't looked yet. The button guy Min Raises from 1200 to 2400. Diana raises to 5400. Hmm...I look down at AK...and sitting on 6500 decide its time to rock and roll. I move all in. Min Raise guy folds (says he had A6...guess that makes sense) and she CANT fold...she has JJ.

First card in the window is a King ball...and it holds up. She throws a mini-fit...and I have my courtesy double up at just the right time. That was one of the VERY few times I went to a showdown with a hand all night. In fact, I went to showdown three times! We got down to 15 and whenever I would raise everyone just got out of the way. So am picking up nice pots and slowly building up a nice stack.

I just keep hoping to god that I don't go out again between 10-14 like I have three times in the last two weeks. I really need just to get to the final table to feel good about things. Had a nice conversation with my backer earlier in the day, who is finally starting to come to terms with just how much of the bankroll was killed out in Vegas, and I can feel her wanting me to do something big in this next event. And I REALLY want to do something big FOR her. We have a better deal now on paper for her. And if I could maybe WIN this thing...that would be a good way to kick things off.

Well, I manage to stay out of the way of danger, and make the final table. SWEET! Well, we know what TIME it is now! RED SNAPPER TIME BABBBBY! I find three guys who will enjoy a FINAL TABLE SNAPPER with me...and the order is made. By the way:

RED SNAPPER

Equal parts- CROWN ROYAL, AMARETTO Di SARONNO, CRANBERRY...with a splash of Sprite (the secret ingredient, giving it the effervescent quality necessary to have a truly magnificent Snapper) shaken like a mother...and served as a shot!

(Will's Final Table and his Top 10 list to be put up soon)