Five Snapper Final Table...

Cue the Snappers...I end up having...mmmm lets call it FIVE. We all agree to give 10th place their buy in back. Again..the karma thing. I pick up a couple hands....and JUST MOVE IN....take the pot...which now is growing pretty large each time. I watch the small stacks double up twice. No one wants to go out. Finally we lose a couple players. ON one occasion I pick up JJ.

Guy limped UTG...tightest player at the table (who turns out is the NEPHEW of the weird old guy, who BTW is NOW the chipleader with a MOUNTAIN of chips) re-raises big...and I dump them. Guy two doors over tells me I was crazy for folding. Okay. Whatever. I don't even think he believed me. Hey...Jacks suck!

We all know it. I THOUGHT! There is some weird looking dude hovering over the shoulder of the kid in the 5 seat..and the Crazy Old Racist (unintentional or otherwise) in Seat 4. I ask him who he is sweating. His response? "I will give you two choices and tell you that the first two are wrong" Huh? Wow...they are all from the same comedy school. I cant remember all of them, but while we are at the final table, Old Guy unleashes four or five of the dumbest jokes (>>??? I think they were attempted jokes) ever...which left the whole table scratching their heads.

Unless you guys were there, you cant even begin to understand how bizarre this guy was. I start getting my buzz on, and I am getting chips...so I am starting to get that CONFIDENT "I'm taking this down" FEELING in me. I started to goad the old man. Telling him...I am coming for him.

He tells me I'm crazy. I tell him I agree. Tell him, "I am going to win this thing. If you are lucky you might get heads up with me! And if you do, I will destroy you! In fact, I will even add $500 to the prize pool and play you for it heads up!!!" yeah, I might have been getting a little ahead of myself!!!! I pick up AQ suited and staying with the aggressive style I decided to play this final table with....I SHIP IT.

Well, oops...the small stack who had double up twice picks up AK and calls. SHIT. He wins..and now I have only 28K left with the blinds 3000/6000. I get KJ and feel like I have to make a move with it....and do...and guess who I run into? OLD MAN PSYCHO. Who turns over AQ. It holds. I am out. 5th place. $400. Hey...that's poker. I tell him nice hand, wish everyone good luck...and make a graceful departure. Yes, that's right! Graceful! I didn't win but I do feel pretty good. Played pretty good. Made the final table again...and have some of my swagger back.

I go, and for some strange reason...decide to play a little Caribbean Stud. I actually win. By this time I am hammered. I have the table cracking up. A new dealer pushes in and I am totally messing with him. Anyway...it was funny, and I won a couple hundred bucks. I go to the bathroom and get accosted by Squirrels friends outside of Coast. Oh. yeah. Its Lady's Night. They want me to come into the club with them.

That's when I get the text message from Lake. "Dude, I'm in the 1/2 game and this dude just paid me off with QUADS!!!! You gotta come down here. Ah shit...fine. So I go down there. At the same time Squirrel is picking up Taco Bell. I LOVE THE NEW FRESCO MENU...no dairy. HEALTHY (allegedly!) Now I can eat "my Bell" and not feel like I am violation of the Health Act! I roll into the poker room. And there is Lake. "Dude, Monkey...check this out man...its sick!" Yeah Yeah...sick, I know.

I see Norm...and inform him that the gum is still under ALL the tables, and that my WEEK on the over/under bet is officially 21 hours away from being a win for the OVER side. "all I can do is submit it, man" Yeah. Or take up a collection from a bunch of guys at the table and hand them (housekeeping) the money to do it on the spot, like I did LAST week before he told me I COULDNT! I hate beaurocracy! (I think I spelled that wrong and spell check will NOT give me the proper spelling)

I am about to leave when Lake says...."Ah come on Monk...play a couple hands...just buy in for $100!" And I say no a couple times...then SHIT..FINE. I buy in for $200. Then like Magic...I pick up some hands...I hit some flops...and I am building up a nice stack! I have Lake over there raising EVERY freaking hand like he ALWAYS does...pissing me off ALREADY...but I limp in with 5/6 spades....he makes it 40! FORTY. with $8 in the pot.

But he gets 5 calls! Shit...I gotta call now! Hell I am up 200 already. The flop comes K-5-6. Now I could have been a real shit bird here and checked. Because I KNOW if I check he is going to bet like 100. So I do him a favor, I give him "the knee" and just MOVE in. Hell ...there is 200 in the pot...and I have 225. He gets all pissy...squeezes a card and shows me a K...and folds. Everyone else folds too. I show him two pair. I did him a damn favor, and I take down the pot.

So now I am sitting on $550! Good time to leave Monkey. And...I am about to...tacos are now at the house. Its been a great night. What can go wrong? Okay...last hand. I am in the SB. I pick up QQ. 4 limpers, Lake is in the BB. I announce..."Okay guys I have a TOP 5 hand...and I am raising to $20." Lake calls. Donkey in seat 10 who was calling EVERY raise...calls, again. And another guy calls. $90'ish in the pot. Flop comes 5-5-J.

Seems like a pretty good flop for me. And I am hammered and playing "no one is sucking out on me for cheap poker" in this session....so instead of just betting say, $40 there and finding out where I am with my over pair...which of course would have been the CORRECT play....I instead announce "I'm All IN!" Which brings about something I would have NEVER in a MILLION YEARS anticipated. LAKE grabbing all his chips and sliding them forward.

WHAT? I expect to see JJ. First of all, I cannot BELIEVE I didn't first GET A KNEE under the table, similar to the KNEE I had given HIM earlier, you know the KNEE? THe knee you give your buddy so he doesn't lose his WHOLE FUCKNG STACK making a stupid play when you are sitting over there holding the NUTS!!!??? Yeah, THAT KNEE! Nope, no knee. Just a call. Everyone else folds, of course, and I look at him in astonishment as he turns over K-5 offsuit. Um....what?

I announce TOP 5 hand preflop, and HE KNOWS I don't lie..he is FIRST to act....wasn't like he was "PRICED IN"...and he calls. And hits THAT flop....no knee...could have given me a courtesy fold, showed me the 5 on the down low...in which case I would have given him half the pot later...if not ALL of it! I wanted to kill him. I just got up, grabbed my bag...and walked out. Didn't say a fucking word. To him or anyone else.

He text messages me later...and I send him back a 'not-so-nice' reply. I don't know how to feel about this. But I'm pretty sure I am just going to stay with PRETTY FUCKING PISSED for now. This one might even be a friendship wrecker. Not sure. Probably need a couple more days to roll it around in my head. But I went home...and the tacos were delicious!