YARD WORK, MEGA SAT and TAXES....

Isn't it funny how much better you feel after you wash your car? Or how much happier you are when you pull out of your driveway after having spent 5 hours cutting your grass and then edging and weedeating everything? Then of course you stop at the light before getting on the freeway, and there is that scary-looking cement island that is overgrown with grass and weeds...and that just makes you crazy!

After that old Donkey dispatched me from Saturday's tourney, I went back (for some dumb reason) at 7pm to play the 2nd chance, ahem...3-table SNG. Yeah. 23 players. What a joke. Needless to say I wasn't feeling very inspired to win. All inspiration I may have had went out the window when...limping in with 22...and flopping 2-Q-5...I thought it would be fun to slow play it and try for an early double up. Turn 3....four in the hand...BB bets 500...I smooth call looking for someone to raise...no one does, they both fold. 5 on the river for a boat. BB bets 500 again. I raise him all in. He calls. He shows Q-5. Sweet. Now shortstacked, I start pushing. Get two folds before the third guy wakes up with AA! Magical. I have KJ. Flop J. Turn Flush draw.....no! Don't do it! I want out of here!!!!! Brick the river...and I was OUTA there! What a joke.

Went and played cash game. Big mistake. Again. Bought in for $200. Ran it up to $550. Lost a bunch with QQ vs KK on a J22 board. Sweet. Up and down all night. Then someone started ordering Red Snappers. At some point I ended up in the service bar...as the guest of Bruce the beverage manager...supervising 'Herman' on how to make a 'proper' Red Snapper. Shortly after losing more chips, drinking more snappers, and eating some crab cakes...I found myself in the restroom throwing up. First time I had hurled in a couple of years. It didn't get better. I would pass out in there. Finally woken up by either security or a janitor. WTF? That was weird. Not sure what reason I had for NOT going home. But I would return to the table to some assclown who thought he was at a 5/10 table. Every limp was met by a $30 preflop raise by this fool. Raising $30 to win $6 to $10 every hand. Finally I limped in with AKh with the intention to shove $180 back at this asshole. I got my wish as he raised to $30. Three callers later I now actually had a 'reason with logic' to shove. I shoved. Everyone folded but him. His 88's stood up. I went home.

Sunday brought a wicked hangover. I treated it at 8am with a variety of medications and went back to bed. At 9:45am I woke up again. This time without the head-splitting headache. I am not sure how, but I found the motivation to go mow the lawn, then change the blade on my stick edger, which turned out to be a lot harder than I thought. Edged pretty much the whole neighborhood. Decided the neighbors' yards should look as good as mine. It was a five hour experience. While this was happening Squirrel was doing laundry, shaving Jasper and giving them both a bath. At 7pm...I got on PokerStars and won a $12/45 person SNG. I decided to retire a champion for the day. If you missed anything, yes! I sat out all the BIG Sunday tourneys on Stars and did yard work. And you know what? It felt delightful.

Monday was Mega Satellite day. This whole mega was a bit of a mess. Players who finished 2nd through 5th in any tourney that got over 100 players were given 'free' entry into this. We already knew a LOT of the players holding these weren't going to be making it to play...which is what made it attractive. With the hopes of there being maybe 35 of the 45 vouchered players either showing up or selling them off to other players, and maybe 10 buying in...we were looking at a possibility of 40 players there playing with 50 represented. Well, I got there on time. For a change. And the printer was out of toner. So I got to sit there and wait, thus...being late, as usual. Then...I look up on the board, it says 36 players. Suede Jacket Johnny comes in and announces, "Players we have 36 in today's tourney and will be awarding 3 seats!" to which 80% of the other players started freaking out!

Everyone was heavily counting on an overlay. Well, John or someone told everyone that the players holding those vouchers had the option to play THIS one...or come back and play one of them in the fall. Whoa! Not what we were told. Not what I was told by Johnny and Ken. And no one there had any idea of that. Had they, a lot of them would have held onto them and played in the fall. And I'm sure those guys who sold their $550 seat to other people for $300-$350 would have certainly done the same. Not to mention those who would simply throw them away not knowing. It was beginning to stink...and stink bad. The players were ready to stage a riot.

Thats where I started to think..."You know, maybe its just a big misunderstanding, maybe John B. doenst have any idea, he is just operating like this because he doenst know any better. I am quite certain Johnny and Ken didnt tell me all that last week just to placate me...especially right in front of Everett from Rounders. No way!" So I told everyone to just chill out for a while, and let me get ahold of Johnny and/or Ken...and ask if this is REALLY the deal? If those non-attendees will INDEED be represented by added value to the prize pool as we were told they would be, or are they changing the rules on this deal in midstream.

I sent Johnny a text. Then Ken showed up in the room. I explained the situation to him. Calmly. Reminded him of our conversation last week. He agreed. Admitted it was kind of in Johnny's hands, and can't say if even Johnny knew what was going on for sure. So while we played level 2, Ken sat at an empty table with John B...and could see him talking on his phone. I had a feeling he was getting it all straight. All the players kept asking me if I got it fixed. I just told them all that "Guys, I did and said everything I could, when I know something I am sure you will ALL know something."

Well, we all went on break after two levels. When we returned, we were greeted with the news that the extra entrants who were NOT there had indeed had that value added to the prize pool, and we would NOW be playing instead for FOUR seats, with 5th getting $875. Everyone applauded, and at least 8 other players thanked me. It felt pretty good. But kind of awkward. I wasn't trying to win anyone's praise or garner special attention, I was just trying to do what was right for everyone. And get them to do what they had told us they would. I pretty much promoted this Mega as being a 'great value play' and hence...we had a decent showing...and some of those people had actually read my blog about it were there for that reason! So I kind of felt responsible to some degree. Thanks to Ken and Johnny for getting it all straightened out.

As for the Mega itself? Wow. What a day. We started at noon. It would last 6 and a half hours. In those six hours, I would get a total of 5 pairs. 22, 22, 33, 55 and 99. Thats it. I hit a couple of very nice flops out of the BB getting to look for free. I made a couple of strong re-raises in late position, taking pots without seeing flops. Through the first 8 levels I NEVER got myself All-In once. I was pretty shortstacked most of the day, but not painfully. Just slightly below the average. My first 'big' decision of the day came while sitting in the BB at 1000/2000 and 9 players left.

I met this gal, Cheryl...think she is from Atlanta...very attractive lady, in her late 40's maybe early 50's with a son who plays also...in an earlier tourney this event. Very nice lady. Well, she went on and read my blog the other day, and the first thing she tells me on this day was that she read it and thought it was great. Thanks Cheryl. Which made me feel pretty bad when she moved all in on my BB from the SB...and I looked down at KJ....which I had folded about 5 times already. She was all in for 8500. I had 2k in. I had 15K in my stack. It was time to try and get some chips. I had to at least be a coinflip there. I kind of put her on A10. I finally called, and told her I was sorry. She had 66. Not a bad race for me. I hit the K...and she was out. She was very nice about it, which made me feel better. Sorry again, Cheryl if you are reading this. You played great. Just bad timing there.

With 8 left...Doug (always forget his last name, dates red-headed Jessica) moves all in for 9300. I have around 21K. I look down at AQ. I feel like I probably have him killed. But I have been losing SO many races like this on this trip. Do I call, knock him out, and take a good stack into 7-handed play? Or do I fold, and avoid going down to a paltry 11K? It was a very tough decision. I finally decide to fold. Bad fold...not because he would tell me he had A10d...but because it just wasnt the right play there I don't think...given the other players' chipstacks.

We had 8 left. 7 of those were very good players. The chipleader, in what always seems to be the standard M.O. in these deals, is a complete and total donkey. Never seen the guy before, nor has anyone at the table. He is an absolute calling station. But he has so many chips that it will be hard for him to donk this off. Honestly, the guy should have just left. But I think he was under the impression that there would be some kind of trophy for finishing with the most chips. He is that guy who likes to limp into every hand....and now we were up to 1200/2400.

I have 11K now. I am getting desperate. He limps again for 2400. I have KQc on the button. I move in. Everyone folds to him. He asks his usual question "How much is it? Oh, I call!" and turns over the enemy, the nemesis...the DEVIL....KING TEN. Suited. Diamonds. Oh God. You think I should feel good right? Flop nothing but the J of diamonds. Turn the Q of diamonds. Oh GOD! Here we go again. Any diamond. Any Ace, Any 9. How many times have I been HERE with k10? The dealer puts a 5 of clubs on the river! Oh thank GOD! And I have a huge, much needed double up!

Then Big hand #2 arrives. This guy who I should have busted a LONG TIME ago...but misplayed A5 in the SB against him...limping and letting him and his shortstack shove on me...folding like a wuss, he moves in on me and my 22K. Well then DOUG goes all in on the button. SHIT! I look down at AK. Wow. We have 7 left. IF I bust them both...we are down to 5..and in the money. If I lose...wow, I am in bad shape. I have Doug covered by only a few thousand. The other guy has only 9200. Its a very crazy spot to be in. I am still pissed about folding the AQ to Doug earlier. Can't figure out what I think Doug has.....ah HELL....I CALL!

Doug has QQ. Oh hell! The other guy? 10 freaking 8. What me and my buddies call the 'Smokey Special.' Named after Charlie Oliver from Baton Rouge....his favorite hand. I feel GREAT when the dealer puts an ACE on the flop! Hold! Turn is a 10. Okay, okay.....then an 8 on the river. Wait....OH NO! Are you kidding me!??? Dude just tripled up to 27K. COME ON! I win only a couple thousand in the side pot. And now we are down to 6. But should be 5. Damn.

Donkey doubles up someone else. Donkey has got a chance to blow this. I am back to getting low again. And a little nervous. Last thing I want to do is fall out of this 6th and get nothing. That would SUCK! John Riola ends up getting locked up in a hand with Donkey...and loses, with JJ against a set of 8's. Bummer. Hate to see John get that far and get nothing.

So we are now in the money. 5 left. Then I get big hand #3. Donkey continues to limp into every pot. We are now at 2000/4000. I am in the SB with 2s4s. He limps again. I complete for 2k. BB checks. Flop comes 3s-6s-kc. Nice. The thing about this spot...I am liking the pot right now at around 14k. If I check...and this putz either bets big or God Forbid goes all in, which he might...I am in a position of HAVING to suck out...granted, I like my chances...but still, I think the correct play is to SHOVE first to act and HOPE (kind of) that he folds. Take down a nice pot, and be in really good shape. So I shove all in. Its a big enough shove to allow him to fold easily. Checking there and letting him bet like 10K...my 22K all in would have been an auto call for him.

BB folds. It gets to him...and again he asks "How much to call?" Only 22k donkeyboy! No problem. He calls. Oh hells bells. Guess what he turns over? KING SEVEN OFF SUIT! Thats right. No spades. Hmmm...great limp, even greater call there. Wow. This is where a fellow player, one that I like...I won't mention his name because we patched things up after I expressed to him how disappointed I was at this little demonstration...he starts basically chanting...."no spade, no spade, no spade...." as a Q of spades hit the river, and I became the new chipleader with close to 60k in chips.

I then proceeded to dress him down. Dude...are you kidding me? I would NEVER...EVER...sit there and openly root against a player that I both (a) like and (b) respect. Its just EFFED up. I mean, I get it...you want to win a seat...fine. We all do. So root in your head. And if I miss the spade, pretend to feel bad for me. On top of it all, I guess it really hurt my feelings. I would never do that. Its classless. Well, I explained my position to him...and he wouldn't stop apologizing about it. I finally had to tell him...if you ask me ONE MORE TIME if we 'are good' I am never talking to you again! I think he learned his lesson.

I then started a fun little game of limping in with hands like 6h7h, 9d10d, Q9....and either hitting flops and betting or flopping air and betting. No way in hell was I losing this Mega. No way. This thing was over! Then it was. The guy who sucked out on me with 10-8 completely fucked himself. Holding AQ in the BB...donkey boy min raised to 12K UTG with 22. Dude just calls in the BB...which is fine I suppose. But when the flop came Q-7-3...this is where he kills himself. He checks. Donkey bets 10k. Dude just CALLS! What? Turn is another 7 and he checks again! Donkey now checks. OMG. Now there are two hearts out there. On the river...the 2 of hearts...which freezes him. He checks AGAIN. Donkey goes all in. Dude tanks for a lonnnnnnng time...then calls. And finds out how HORRIBLY he played that hand. My gawd.....dude, fine, check the flop...knowing donkeyboy will bet...then when he fires out 10k....move in on his stupid ass!

Whatever, his loss was our gain. SHIP THE MEGA TO MONKEY...and DONKEY...and PRESTON....and...uh....what's his name? Blonde-haired young guy from Hattiesburg who always wears Full Tilt stuff...good player. Talk about a good feeling. I text all the necessary people who give a shit...and then update my Facebook status to "Monkey is celebrating! Put it on the board bitches! Monkey wins, Monkey wins! Lets go Bowling!"

Which is what I do. One of Squirrel's friends is having a birthday party at Ocean Springs Lanes...so I hot-foot it over there. Joining us later was 'The Claw', Gabe Kostner, 'Rooster', Kai Landry (who is in need of a nickname...and after watching his hilarious bowling posture, is quickly gaining some momentum as a possible 'GUMBY') Phillip "Quartersack" Walsh and his lovely (and later HAMMERED) wife Jodi as well as my dealer buddies Westside Bobby Smith, Brannon and Hercules...who were all recovering from a serious case of Brown Bottle Flu, earned the night before at Venues! There were about 15 of us...and we all bowled three games...which were enough to result in a sore forearm, a strained hamstring and a swollen left knee! I did manage to break 100 every game! KAI,GABE and ROOSTER would be the high scorers...Rooster brough his own ball, named "The Beast" which I had to (of course) give him shit about! It was a lot of fun! I hadn't bowled with Squirrel since one of our very first dates 8 years ago...and at this same place. She was cute...and bowled pretty good too. It was nice to be with all these guys and girls away from the poker room.

Today would end up being....grrrrr...stressful. I woke up, with the plan of going through my mail, updating my pools, who has paid, who hasnt, etc...make a run to the bank...then go by HR BLOCK to see how my old and senile preparer was coming on my return, and shoot over to Pensacola to put the finishing touches on my rental house and interviewing possible lessees. Well, it took me 3 hours to go through all my mail, which was okay...I got THAT out of the way. Figured out JUST how much money I actually have, what I owe, what is owed...you know. Established some peace of mind there. Then I go to the bank. And this is where the day got ugly. My tenant calls. She STILL isnt out. She STILL hasnt sent me her rent. She claims it was LOST in the mail. Mmmmmhmmmm. Sure. I agreed to only charge her for half of April, if she were OUT by the 15th, and it was ready to be rented. She isnt. So what was the point of going over there? Then I go to HR BLOCK.

Whoa. I sit down with this moron. He can't figure out why he is unable to access a part of my return. I look up and see that he has my SS# entered wrong. Ugh...scuse me sir...maybe THAT is the reason! Oh...yeah! It is. He'd been stuck on that one for days. Then one thing leads to another. I am taking deep breaths. I am feeling my skin starting to crawl off of my body. I get that feeling in my chest...like heartburn...or is it an alien about to burst out and start eating this guys' face? I'm not sure. But about the time he tells me I am only going to get 1/3rd of the money from Louisiana that got withheld ($1200, as opposed to $3800) last year...and how he has arrived at this retarded conclusion, I finally come slightly unglued. The first time I raise my voice he gets all defensive. Tells me "You better not yell at me!" To which I reply..."you know what Lyle, you're right, I better not...because it won't help me...so I am going to walk outside and yell at the parking lot!" Which I do.

Then Squirrel calls. And I explain the situation to her...while going mental. She is shocked at how insane I sound. I explain that if she were here...she would be right there with me. She recommends that I walk across the street and talk to the people she just had do her taxes two hours ago. (she got a speeding ticket on the way there 51 in a 35, are these cops kidding us!?)

So I walk back into HR BLOCK and tell Lyle that I am leaving, that he needs to have his office manager call me when he/she returns. I go across the street. Squirrel calls again and tells me I HAVE TO go to WAL MART with her. Did I mention it was around 4pm? Anyone here ever go to Wal Mart at 4pm when you need EVERYTHING imagineable? Have you ever pulled that stunt AFTER going through what I just went through in HR BLOCK? Did she secretly want me to join her so I could be featured on this evenings 11pm news for a report that would sound something like this... "Tune it at 11 to hear about a local man who went Apeshit in a local Wal Mart before finally being subdued by Animal Control agents and taken away for evaluation?"

Yeah, nice try Sweetie! I am NOT falling for that one! I will NOT be going to Wal Mart. Instead I came home...burned some leafy matter in that glass instrument I turn to in moments like these...and fell asleep on the couch. I awoke to the garage door opening...I was a good boy and helped her unload the groceries. Didn't help. She is still pissed at me. Oh well. At least she isn't pissed at me for how I just acted at Wal-Mart.

Tomorrow, we continue the fight vs. HR BLOCK and the legion of dipshits. Then...trek on to Pensacola, in hopes of getting money, a new tenant, the yard work done...and another TO DO item off of my list!

For now, I think I will get online and see if someone on Pokerstars will let me win some money! Enjoyed it. Hope some of you made it this far!!!

MONKEY