And wow, what a response. It's pretty hilarious. I appreciate all of your responses, good and bad...see, I am kind of sick and demented and find humor in almost everything, especially when its dark!Just for the record, when someone posts...and its signed as 'Anonymous' ya'all don't need to tear them a new one. Its kind of a pain in the butt to NOT be declared anonymous, you actually have to take the time to create a blogger profile on here so that your messages are labeled with a username.
However, some do sign their actual name at the end...which gives it kind of a personal touch. But now, in this particular instance our HERO/VILLIAN (take your choice, however his posts have appealed to you) has promised to make himself known to all of us...as he will come, posing at "The Real Poker Monkey" to the Beau Rivage, at the GCPC on September 9th. Not sure why he is missing the whole first week...but hey! Who cares...should make the 9th pretty exciting. Glad its the 9th and not the 10th, as me and Squirrel and some friends are going to Kenny Chesney that night.
I can't wait for this though...Anonymous Andy comes out!!!!Well, its Tuesday...and I am still laying in my bed in Biloxi...with my little birthday girl of a wife, Squirrel. Yeah today is ACTUALLY her birthday, but she started celebrating Saturday. They had a Beau Rivage reunion party Saturday, which I missed. Not Squirrel, she took the night off...and apparently left no one asking the question, "why is Squirrel so boring to be around?"They planned a surprise party for her on Sunday...her best friend told me about it last week. It was supposed to be at 'The Dock' in Ocean Springs...at 2pm. So my plan was to get up at 9am, drive down...arrive at The Dock around 3..and surprise her.
So, I wake up at 9am. Get packed up. Keith decides to catch a ride home...made him drive, thus avoiding him falling asleep and subjecting me to his chain saw of a nose! At 10am, I call her friend to make sure everything is still set. OH! What? Its been changed? To 6pm at Bonefish? Grrrrrrrreaaaattt! So now what? I have to kill a couple hours. Which we do in the buffet, always a scary option before getting into your car to drive 6 hours. It worked out okay. Well, mostly. Wendy's, Exit 242. Thank you.Get to Biloxi at 6:20. Drop off Keith. See Best Buy. We need a new monitor.
Shoot in there. Find a nice 23' Dell Monitor. Uh...wander over to the Big Screen section. Oh no....don't do it monkey.....don't do it!!!!!! Wait...football season starts in 3 weeks.....mmmm..baseball playoffs.....NASCAR chase.....I'm adding HBO this week....mmmmm.....look at that beautiful 55' badboy hanging there. Oh...and what a beautiful stand for it to sit on....is that cherry wood? As in...it matches our 'toy box' which contains my over 100 XBOX360/PS3 games? Mmmmmmmmmmmm......can you deliver it to my house? Yes? For free? Okay. I'll take it!
August 8th....it arrives! Yesssssss! Anyone need a 54' Sony big screen that really hasn't got anything wrong with it? I have no where to put it. Then again...wait, I suppose when we finally BUY a house here in Biloxi we might have somewhere for it. Oh well, if anyone knows of someone WITHOUT a TV and needing one real bad, let me know. I'm very charitable.I arrive at Bonefish. Turns out Brandy had killed the surprise only 10 minutes before I arrived. Which kind of soured my mood for awhile. But I snapped out of it. She had about 20 friends there. My girl is so popular.
One reason why moving to Vegas would be damn near impossible. I would be pretty selfish to move her away from all her friends, and her family who are nearby in Alabama. Maybe we can just get a house out there...lease it all but 15 weeks of the year...and stay here. That would work. Gifts are exchanged. Now, Claudia ("The Claw" to YOU guys!) had been goading me to make the drive down because she said she had a surprise for me AND Cheryl..that she had been 'working on' for awhile. Now when Claudia says something like that it gets my mind to racing...so I could only imagine what it might be. Look at this!
This girl has some talent...now I knew she was a undiscovered artist...she merely dabbles in it...but I have seen some things she has done, and they are impressive...but this...wow, what a great gift. Maybe one of the nicest/coolest/most thoughtful gifts I (or we rather) have ever received. Just incredible. The painting in full form, with the whole Las Vegas backdrop...
An up close look at the Monkey and the Squirrel out from of the Little White Wedding Chapel where we got 'hitched.' I thought that was one of the coolest things I have ever seen. Cheryl loved it. So after dinner it was off to the Imperial Palace (I.P. sorry) and some clubbin at 'Chill.' I made the mistake of parking in valet again. I.P. has the WORST valet in the history of hotel/casinos. We got inside...found our table...and it was on. The band sucked. Bigtime. But no biggie.
Everyone was having fun. Our mutual friend, name withheld just in case...who is a casino host there...came by to visit us. I thought...hmmmm, wouldn't it be fun if we had a nice room we could all go hang out in? Every Sunday Squirrels friends like to come over to our house and play big deuce. So when I ask him just how much one of the nice suites would cost...what does he do? He comes backs with two room keys to the NICEST penthouse suite they have!!! How much sir? Nothing! WHAT??? I slip him $100. I do want to know, though..just how much this room cost...because WOW!
What a fantastic room! I took a bunch of shots with my camera phone...but the thing sucks (my camera phone)...so you really get no idea from the pictures how nice it is...but I will say this, if you are coming to Biloxi, and money is no object, you just want a kickass suite...THIS IS THE PLACE to stay! So beautiful! Check out these pics.
The living room area. Flat Screen on the wall, a really cool exposed pebble/stone wall area with inlaid vases and other art pieces. Big red sectional couch and two chairs. Curtains that open with a switch. Receptacle on the wall for your iPod and sound system with controls for volume in every room! It was so cool. A huge dining room area, perfect for playing cards. 
How about this bathtub! Fits 4 very comfortably! All kind of different settings on the jacuzzi controls. Took quite a while to fill though!!! In the bathroom alone there were three separate tvs! Not sure why...but cool nonetheless! The shower could easily fit two people and has 8 places where the water shoots out from. Really amazing!
So anyway, this room was just incredible. We went back down and finished partying at 'Chill' then brought the party up to our room. When we got there I was given a list of things to go to our house and retrieve. Beer, t-shirts, bedpants, boxers, flip flops, makeup remover...etc, etc...I left like a good husband/soldier! Well...that's when the Valet nightmare began...courtesy of CHASE! Chase the valet boy.
How about this bathtub! Fits 4 very comfortably! All kind of different settings on the jacuzzi controls. Took quite a while to fill though!!! In the bathroom alone there were three separate tvs! Not sure why...but cool nonetheless! The shower could easily fit two people and has 8 places where the water shoots out from. Really amazing!
So anyway, this room was just incredible. We went back down and finished partying at 'Chill' then brought the party up to our room. When we got there I was given a list of things to go to our house and retrieve. Beer, t-shirts, bedpants, boxers, flip flops, makeup remover...etc, etc...I left like a good husband/soldier! Well...that's when the Valet nightmare began...courtesy of CHASE! Chase the valet boy.
Who sort of looked like 'Side Show Bob' from the Simpsons. At valet you first go to the desk to give them your ticket. There is almost always a person standing there who is seemingly unstable socially. Almost...mmmm...I don't know how to say this and not sound mean...but I think the word is retarded. Take it anyway you want. "Hi...my name is Gladys. What is your last name?" ME: SOUTHER. which usually has to be repeated five times and spelled. Not sure why my last name is THAT difficult for everyone! "Oh...okay, thanks. You have a white 4 runner?" ME: YES GLADYS! "Okay, your car will be ready for you in 10 to 12 minutes sir. Please wait outside on the bench."
Now...at the time...10 to 12 minutes sounded ridiculous. Its 2 am and there is only one other couple waiting. 30 minutes later, 10 to 12 minutes sounded great. And what is it with...."wait outside on the bench!?" You go outside...and its still about 90...with 80% humidity...with bugs...and, what is that? A frog! Yeah, I caught a little tree frog...and was ready to drop it into the hand of the valet when my car FINALLLY did arrive. But I accidentally lost the frog at about minute 22. At around minute 17 I asked 'Chase' as he was walking by me....if "there is any chance that I am going to get my car TONIGHT?" You know what he asks me? "Did you give anyone your ticket?"
This is in my mind...not what I said..."no you fucking moron...I thought that if I came to sit on this bench...you people would just KNOW that I needed my car, KNOW which car was mine...and make it appear...you fucking spaz!" No no...what I said, was "Of course I gave my ticket to the lady inside, and she told me it would be 10-12 minutes...17 minutes ago, and I am kind of in a hurry." "Can you give me your ticket!??" To which I respond.."Why am I giving you my ticket...?"
To which he responds...."FINE! Don't give me your ticket...I guess you don't want your car!" and ducks into the door that leads to the valet room. WTF was that? I walk inside, back to the valet counter. There is Gladys. I ask her about Chase. Tell her what just happened, and of course...ask where the fuck my car is! "Oh Chase is kind of new. And its only been 13 minutes on your car." I look at my watch. No Gladys...it has now been 19 minutes. And I have watched three groups of people come in after me and leave before me. And now I want to kill this kid Chase. I want my car! She checks on it, and now tells me..."the person who is getting your car is there now...." Great! I go back out to the steamy hot bench area. Oh...here comes Chase. "Hey, Chase...I guess you don't value your job much do you?
Well, I think I will be making a couple phone calls about you tomorrow, see if I can't get you a place on the unemployment line. Your level of professionalism is ZERO, and your attitude SUCKS!" His reply? "Good luck with that!" Whoa. On minute 29 my vehicle arrives. The driver, who does kind of look like he has been in there for awhile..he literally readjusted the seat for his driving pleasure....asks me "Is there anything I can do for you Mr. Souther?" I almost asked if he could go run all these errands for me...that should have already been completed by now. For some stupid reason I just said NO and actually tipped him. TIPPED HIM? I should have been GETTING TIPPED!
I go to the house. Stop on the way and get a case of beer. Get to the house, round up everything. Get back to I.P. and park across the street. I wheel the suitcase and the box of beer in to the front door. On the way in I see Chase, now standing with his Supervisor, John. I stop, about 30 yards away, and go to take Chase's picture...but can't get a good shot...so I just bag it. But when I get near them...John...decides to bravely inquire...
I go to the house. Stop on the way and get a case of beer. Get to the house, round up everything. Get back to I.P. and park across the street. I wheel the suitcase and the box of beer in to the front door. On the way in I see Chase, now standing with his Supervisor, John. I stop, about 30 yards away, and go to take Chase's picture...but can't get a good shot...so I just bag it. But when I get near them...John...decides to bravely inquire...
"Why did you take our picture?" "Who said I took your picture!?" "I saw you (followed by gay laughter..sort of the awkwardly confident kind...like he thought he was somehow catching me, I think?) take it...you like...aimed it right at us..and took a picture." "I see...so you think I took your picture. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. What's the difference. You got a problem with being photographed?" To which they reply "No...so what? You're going to use that to get Chase in trouble?"
"Oh no...I don't need that picture. See, my friend (lie, but who cares) is the Casino Manager here and my other friend is a very high-ranking casino host (truth, but still doesn't matter) and you have no idea when you are acting like a punk who you are talking to...it might behoove you to actually act with a little respect to the customers if you intend on keeping your job, but it would appear that you don't give a shit, so I will just see if I can help you along with finding new work."
To which he again responds..."Yeah good luck with that buddy, see how that goes for you!" That is when I just turned around...looked at his 'SUPERVISOR' (really, this guy is a Supervisor, and he is letting this little prick talk to a guest like that? WOW!) and said..."You know what? I am having a really good night...and I was quite willing to just let you apologize for being such an asshole earlier...and be done with it...but now? After seeing how you are...I am going to do everything I can tomorrow to get your ass fired! You have a good night you little bastard!"
And I went to the room, where we spent until 1pm the next day having a good time! And honestly, I haven't contacted anyone about that little peckerhead...but now, just writing about it again...I feel like following through. But then again...I kind of like the thought of him having to jog around in the 95 degree heat getting people's cars...sweating his ass off, to get tipped like a $1 by most people! Maybe NOT getting him fired would be worse punishment!
So yeah...we leave. I go pick up my dog Jasper from the vet on the way home. He had complications from his little operation last week to get his nuts cut off. He kept licking himself...which caused everything down there to go haywire. They had to hold him there in 'jail' for 4 days...all while wearing that stupid cone on his head. Squirrel was so happy to see him. So was I. He wouldn't even look at Cheryl. Totally shunned her! She was the one who took him to the vet on Friday, while I was up in Tunica! It was pretty funny. He has finally come around. We slept ALL DAY yesterday.
So yeah...we leave. I go pick up my dog Jasper from the vet on the way home. He had complications from his little operation last week to get his nuts cut off. He kept licking himself...which caused everything down there to go haywire. They had to hold him there in 'jail' for 4 days...all while wearing that stupid cone on his head. Squirrel was so happy to see him. So was I. He wouldn't even look at Cheryl. Totally shunned her! She was the one who took him to the vet on Friday, while I was up in Tunica! It was pretty funny. He has finally come around. We slept ALL DAY yesterday.
And Jasper, who usually only stays on the bed for about 10 minutes then hits the marble floor in the hallway, stayed in bed with us ALL NIGHT! He's so cute. And such a baby. Mollie, meanwhile...was hiding under the bed. She is totally freaked out by the white cone Jasper has to keep wearing for a few more days and won't get near him. Its hilarious. And now...its 1:30pm...on Tuesday, the 4th...Squirrel's ACTUAL birthday...and I have to mow this friggin lawn again before I get in my car and leave to go BACK to Tunica.
SO CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!
Before leaving there the other day, I was standing at the top of the escalator...and looking at the poker tourney lineup. I was trying to figure out my schedule...when to leave, when to come back, how to plan, right? So...for TUESDAY...that would be today...it said...LIMIT tourney at NOON. OMAHA tourney at 2. NL tourney at 4! Okay? So I plan to leave here around 10am...get there in time to play the NL at 4! Right? Well, then Keith says...No Monkey, your wrong...what you saw was a schedule for the Beau Rivage event. Huh? Why would they have that posted? To advertise dummy!
SO CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!
Before leaving there the other day, I was standing at the top of the escalator...and looking at the poker tourney lineup. I was trying to figure out my schedule...when to leave, when to come back, how to plan, right? So...for TUESDAY...that would be today...it said...LIMIT tourney at NOON. OMAHA tourney at 2. NL tourney at 4! Okay? So I plan to leave here around 10am...get there in time to play the NL at 4! Right? Well, then Keith says...No Monkey, your wrong...what you saw was a schedule for the Beau Rivage event. Huh? Why would they have that posted? To advertise dummy!
Oh. Okay. I guess I'm stupid! Am I? No! As it turns out...I am NOT! How do I know this? Because Kyle Milam just called me from there...having a tantrum. Because why? Because what I saw was true! On the postcard they mailed us...and on the freaking LINEUP that is posted on CARDPLAYER.com....the tourneys are the same, but on the schedule they have posted all over the walls, and the flyers that are circulated up there...they have a TOTALLY DIFFERENT schedule! So...I was NOT imagining things. Which means, they have totally fucked up my whole schedule.
And no, this isn't just about me, I am going to guess there have been several other players affected as well. HOW does this happen? Man, I'm telling you...I have got half a mind to just stay here, and bail on the rest of Tunica, I really do. But (a) I told a lot of people I was coming back (b) I don't want anything thinking I left because I was MADE to leave by THAT particular Supervisor we talked about two posts ago and (c) after PokerPages posted my 1st place finish from Venetian, and still haven't posted two other results...I am now up to #7 in the Friggin World in their ProRank2 category, which ranks players on Tourney buyins under 1k events. 7th!
That is pretty damn exciting! So...I am kind of now hellbent on cashing deep in at least one or two more events before Beau Rivage...I would love to take over the top spot coming home to defend on my home turf. Not that you get anything for being in 1st place in that I don't think...but being competitive like I am...I just like to WIN! Plus, I really, really like those trophies up there for winning, and want one. Plus...I just want to say I won a FREAKING tournament in God-Forsaken Tunica one time!!!!
OH! Almost forgot. Very exciting news. After hooking up the new monitor in the office last night, and with Squirrel still sleeping I decided to jump into a stupid $3 MTT on Pokerstars. 2775 players. 6 hours later, I got knocked out in 189th place. I think. Somewhere around there. I made TEN DOLLARS! YES! That's right! I beat over 2500'ish of the worlds worst players! Incredible, wouldn't you say!!!??? Had to have SOMETHING poker-related in this blog...since its supposed to be a POKER blog, right!???
Exchanged Facebook email with my longtime friend Chad Brown this morning. They are bringing him and Vanessa into Tunica to feature them (mostly her, as the advertising up there would suggest) in the Main Event...but then they are also coming down here to play in Biloxi, so we are going to get a chance to all go out to dinner together, the newlyweds...pretty sure Squirrel has never met Vanessa. They will get along great. I will try to get us a table at BR Prime and see if we can get the amazing Kai Landry to wait on us! That would be funny. I think. Maybe not. Maybe Kai is the consummate professional when at work! Doubtful!!! That's right Kai...you suck buddy!
Okay...I'm going to go tackle this lawn. Ughhhhh. Nothing like sweating your ass off and completely killing yourself physically before driving 6 hours, huh???
OH! Almost forgot. Very exciting news. After hooking up the new monitor in the office last night, and with Squirrel still sleeping I decided to jump into a stupid $3 MTT on Pokerstars. 2775 players. 6 hours later, I got knocked out in 189th place. I think. Somewhere around there. I made TEN DOLLARS! YES! That's right! I beat over 2500'ish of the worlds worst players! Incredible, wouldn't you say!!!??? Had to have SOMETHING poker-related in this blog...since its supposed to be a POKER blog, right!???
Exchanged Facebook email with my longtime friend Chad Brown this morning. They are bringing him and Vanessa into Tunica to feature them (mostly her, as the advertising up there would suggest) in the Main Event...but then they are also coming down here to play in Biloxi, so we are going to get a chance to all go out to dinner together, the newlyweds...pretty sure Squirrel has never met Vanessa. They will get along great. I will try to get us a table at BR Prime and see if we can get the amazing Kai Landry to wait on us! That would be funny. I think. Maybe not. Maybe Kai is the consummate professional when at work! Doubtful!!! That's right Kai...you suck buddy!
Okay...I'm going to go tackle this lawn. Ughhhhh. Nothing like sweating your ass off and completely killing yourself physically before driving 6 hours, huh???
MONKEY
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